(no subject)
I can't sleep.
Two more days. And it will be over for another year. Thought it might be easier this time around, and the twins help keep my mind off things, but still... I mean it's not like they're my family or anything, so why did I think it might be different?
I didn't put the presents I got under the tree with the rest. They don't belong there. It's quite a few this year actually. Five is a hell of a lot more than I usually get. Not that they are really for my birthday, but I can pretend. I've gotten good at that. I almost even convinced myself of... nevermind.
Smiling is getting harder as more Christmas presents find themselves under the tree. I wonder how many more times I have to tell Marui I'm fine before he believes it. This whole damn thing is easier alone. Then no one cares if you smile or drink yourself through til January.
I'll just open my presents Christmas morning in my room. Hopefully it will get me through the day. And then another birthday silently gone, while everyone's consumed in their own little joyful cocoon.
And what the hell was with the cuff links? Yes, something for getting a rank, that's fine. But his father's cuff links?! Why the hell would he give me something like that? I tried giving them back but he just wouldn't take them. You just don't give these to the hired help! Dammit!
Shit. I'm overreacting. He didn't even like the guy. Said so himself. He probably picked them because the letter matches my initials, not some deep sentimental value. Man. I would have killed for something like that from some of those others... before I knew better. Delusional even to think they are more than just what they are. He wouldn't give something like that to me. To a butler. Gah. At least I didn't argue too much to his face. I mean, he was just trying to be nice.
I wore them to the Ball, didn't I? I guess that makes up for it if I hurt his feelings.
I need to stop obsessing. They're just cuff links.
Maybe I'll sneak some whiskey in the morning so that the day will go by that much smoother. At this point I need it.
Actually brandy now is better, so I sleep at least until dawn.
I'll just have to brush my teeth before going to wake up Marui.
[ooc: Belle, hope you don't mind that I filled in a few details. Tell me if you need me to change something.]