(no subject)
I'm proud of me. Pleased with myself. I didn't really want to be tested, but tested I have been, and I like what I did with it. Go me.
The tests: household chaos and financial difficulty amid a marriage. It's a fact, well at least a well-believed wives tale, that a large-scale household remodel can make a rocky marriage as can money stresses. It's generally believed that the amount of stress individuals feel makes them less likely to behave well toward each other, so previously unresolved issues are likely to surface when extra stresses are applied. But with all that's going on with the house torn apart and prime contractor bankrupt and subcontractors putting liens on the house, I spent two days noticeably depressed, but still made it work and functioned thru the day. I cried a couple times, but mostly we worked at getting details. By the 3rd day I had gotten used to the idea that this was going to be expensive, that the house project would never work out to be like the plans we created, and that with the house and all it's just stuff. We may loose a car, but most likely we have enough help to not loose the car and the house. And I realized if we are willing to keep the gutted house, then we won't loose anything, we just won't have a kitchen for a year or longer. But my family are all fine, I did the best I knew how (me as a consumer, prime at saving a business, and the bank for killing the business, and the subcontractorsjust want paid) and that no one is going to die, and it's all just financial hardship - which majorly sucks, but isn't anything that can't be overcome. And that a good life could still be carved out of what is available. And then I was better inside, accepting and settled, and moved on to making a plan to deal with the future felling pretty much like my same old self.
It felt centered, full of my own self - no one else got to control what I feel for long. I wasn't immune from the feelings of the world, but instead my self was able to find its way thru the craziness and emerge whole and holding on to just my own stuff on the other side.
Things I noticed: Stresses that I don't feel in control of, tend to make me want to revisit other unresolved issues too. I've noticed it before this event, that I tend have very poor timing to push my husband to talk about us. In this case I got lucky. I didn’t need to talk with my already stressed out husband. I have a new friend to explore the world with, both the world at large, and more recently our own internal worlds. So when I got that need to talk thru my most pressing old issue, I was able to turn to her, AND to my utter joy and amazement she was able to talk till I saw new clues and offer additional self exploration paths. It made me downright giddy to have some movement on that issue, even though resolution is still unclear at least I have something more to think about. This has made this whole week seem bright, even with the cold, wet, yucky weather.
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The tests: household chaos and financial difficulty amid a marriage. It's a fact, well at least a well-believed wives tale, that a large-scale household remodel can make a rocky marriage as can money stresses. It's generally believed that the amount of stress individuals feel makes them less likely to behave well toward each other, so previously unresolved issues are likely to surface when extra stresses are applied. But with all that's going on with the house torn apart and prime contractor bankrupt and subcontractors putting liens on the house, I spent two days noticeably depressed, but still made it work and functioned thru the day. I cried a couple times, but mostly we worked at getting details. By the 3rd day I had gotten used to the idea that this was going to be expensive, that the house project would never work out to be like the plans we created, and that with the house and all it's just stuff. We may loose a car, but most likely we have enough help to not loose the car and the house. And I realized if we are willing to keep the gutted house, then we won't loose anything, we just won't have a kitchen for a year or longer. But my family are all fine, I did the best I knew how (me as a consumer, prime at saving a business, and the bank for killing the business, and the subcontractorsjust want paid) and that no one is going to die, and it's all just financial hardship - which majorly sucks, but isn't anything that can't be overcome. And that a good life could still be carved out of what is available. And then I was better inside, accepting and settled, and moved on to making a plan to deal with the future felling pretty much like my same old self.
It felt centered, full of my own self - no one else got to control what I feel for long. I wasn't immune from the feelings of the world, but instead my self was able to find its way thru the craziness and emerge whole and holding on to just my own stuff on the other side.
Things I noticed: Stresses that I don't feel in control of, tend to make me want to revisit other unresolved issues too. I've noticed it before this event, that I tend have very poor timing to push my husband to talk about us. In this case I got lucky. I didn’t need to talk with my already stressed out husband. I have a new friend to explore the world with, both the world at large, and more recently our own internal worlds. So when I got that need to talk thru my most pressing old issue, I was able to turn to her, AND to my utter joy and amazement she was able to talk till I saw new clues and offer additional self exploration paths. It made me downright giddy to have some movement on that issue, even though resolution is still unclear at least I have something more to think about. This has made this whole week seem bright, even with the cold, wet, yucky weather.
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