"Destiny rules/ And the spirits are ruthless with the paths that they choose"
After ruthless_path arrives, and works out the details of his employment with man_of_means, he meets imperfect_path at best_deadly_sin...
[[RP log done in chat over a week's time]]
::comes to the Sin a few times a week at the most, goes barhopping elsewhere for the most part; wearing jeans, a denim jacket, and a black turtleneck, with a bill cap on her head, her hair pulled through the back in an improptu ponytail, and large, dark sunglasses - it's fairly early afternoon, and she hasn't had enough to drink to kill off the hangover yet; walks in, keeping her sunglasses on, hands shaking as she sits at the bar and orders a screwdriver and a shot of rum, downs the rum and starts working on the screwdriver::
::Sitting at a table at the Sin, studying a drink menu on how to prepare things.. glancing up as the door opens, blinks, looking at her...::
::sure, she has on a hat and sunglasses, but her voice is definitely Riza's - and she can't be movie!Riza; Al would've checked in on Roy to make sure he's not sick since Riza did come down with the flu, so he knows the one from his world is out of operation right now; and even if the person at the bar looked sick, considering Ed's mother died from getting sick, and how obsessive-paranoid Ed is about losing anyone... she's likely not let out of the house yet, and not alone XD;;;::
... ::Getting up, walking over to her:: ... Isn't it a little early to be drinking?
::her hand visibly shakes as she rubs her cheek, then startles at his voice, spinning on the stool to face him and almost falling off, owgoddamnitow, sudden movements = bad Y HAT DAME:: ... ... ... ::staring at him, silent for a few minutes...then turns to her drink for another sip:: Maybe for some.
And not to you? ::Taking a seat beside her, looking at her:: Why are you in this cesspool at this time of day?
((... Gee, Roy, why don't you tell us what you really think?))
((Roy> ^_# I would never drink at a place that would hire me.))
((.. -_- Thank you, Groucho Mustang.))
((XD!!!!!!!))
... ::looking at him again briefly:: ... ... ... ::studies her drink:: ... Already in the Nexus; other worlds too far away right now. ::sips::
Mmhmm. So what's driven you to this?
... ::facial shrug, not looking at him:: Everything's gone. So I thought I'd drink a little.
A little? Only a little? ::Watching her::
So I win the 'understatement of the year' award. Go, me. ::her voice is thicker, on the verge of breaking, the sunglasses are hiding how wet her eyes are getting; talking to a Roy is painful::
Push the drink away, Riza.
... ::goes still, not looking at him:: ... ... ... Whether I do or don't, it doesn't change that there's nothing left. If I don't, in another hour or so I won't feel enough to care anymore.
... So you can still feel right now?
::flinches:: ... ::looks at him:: What kind of a question is -that-? ::voice cracking::
::Reaches up and whacks the back of her head, just a little more solid than a light smack:: The kind to wonder if you feel -that-. Push the drink away, Riza.
::staring at him, and by now her eyes are too wet to keep from spilling over, her expression crumpling slightly:: ... ... ::turns her head away and closes her eyes, trying to make her tone indifferent as she pushes it away:: Fine, I'll humor you. ::for now::
You're not going to humor me. You're going to do whatever it takes to satisfy me and make me leave, and then you're going to ask for something with Everclear. ::Yay! Bartending lessons ARE paying off!::
....... ::not looking at him, sitting very still, not saying anything one way or another, which is as close to an admission as you'll get, Roy::
Now. You're not going to be rid of me so easily. ::Looking at her:: And I'm not going to cut you loose so easily. Get up, we're going to sit over there. ::points to his table:: And you're going to talk to me about all of this.
....... ::looking at him, even with sunglasses on, her expression's bleak:: ... ... ::gets up wordlessly, a bit unsteady, her hands are still shaking, walks to the table::
::reaches up and puts a steadying hand on her shoulder:: You look like you've been kicked by a very angry mule and are still smarting from it...
::flinches just a bit at first, then leans against his hand slightly, and chuckles, a dry, humorless sound, at the kick comment, and lets him steer her to the table::
::Sitting down with her, beside her:: Now, what happened?
... Long story short? ::her tone's dull, flat, like she's walled off against what she's saying:: He's dead and I'd already burnt every bridge that's out there because I wouldn't believe it - I had reasons for it, there wasn't a body and I saw something no one else looked in time to see and everyone thought i'd just gone crazy 'cause I wouldn't believe he was dead.
... Let me get this straight... nobody else was willing to hear you out?
not with the destruction there, I guess. He'd gone into the sewers with Alphonse after Edward was missing and sent me to get backup... by the time we got there, it was just ruins, and there were no bodies. And I thought I saw Edward in the distance later, but turns out, it was a homunculus. And as time went on... if they were alive, why didn't anyone get in touch with us? ::tiny shrug, studying her hands::
Your world sounds as though it could stand a do-over. ... Sounds like we've got that much in common.
::lifts her head just enough to look at him from between the top of her sunglasses and the bill of her cap::
You've left your world, then?
Yeah. ::looking back at her hands:: ... after I ran into them here... Edward and Alphonse... I... I realized... he really /was/ dead. ... and there was nothing to go back to.
I see. ... You're just going through the motions of life and trying to kill the pain until something kills you, aren't you?
... ::smiles bitterly:: I know I could pick up and move on... at least in theory. But moving requires energy I... I don't have. I'm tired. ... So I'm biding my time, until something catches up or I get the nerve to catch up.
::Reaches his hand up to whack her head:: You don't have permission to catch up that way.
::giving him a slightly cross look:: And it matters -why-?
Because I know you, and I know that if you did something like that, you'd -still- never face him because you'd be afraid of what would be said if you gave up.
... ::looking at her hands, silent, thinking, then shakes her head a bit:: Nah. ... He's already said something worse than any bitching at me for that would be. I don't care anymore.
And what is that?
... ::looks at him... smirks bitterly, then looks back down:: You're making me repeat it? Basically, I would never be what or who he'd want. Oh, I don't doubt for a moment he loved me, it was just... it was clearly framed in the just-friends way, and... I'm too tired now to give a damn anymore.
Yes, as a matter of fact, I -did- make you repeat it. If I'm taking the time to care, should I not at least get the information that I need?::Right now, he's concentrating on eroding any excuses she might have to flee from him and put herself back in a bad situation...::
::shifts position, closing her eyes and crossing her arms over her chest, huddling up a bit, exhausted and wounded, and seriously wondering on the wisdom of any of this; part of her wants to give up, part of her wants to latch on for dear life, and part of her's deathly afraid of winding up falling all over again:: ... ::closes her eyes and hangs her head:: S'appreciated, but a waste of time. You're Roy Mustang, right? Worry about the Hawkeye of your world.
The Riza Hawkeye of my world is elsewhere. There's a Riza Hawkeye -here- that needs her commanding officer to beat some sense into her. ::And that "Elsewhere" was more of a "Not with him", if she's reading into that statement. XD::
... ::lifts her head, looking at him ;_;:: ... ... ::part of her wants to stay in a numbed daze and fade out without being noticed, it doesn't hurt quite as much there:: ... s'late, an' m'tired. ::not a no... just...oh, and it has nothing to do with the time or normal fatigue::
Actually, it's early and you're tired. ::Reaches out and puts his hand on her shoulder:: Can you carry a book?
... ::looks at him, a bit of a 'bzuh?' expression - what kinda question is /that/?:: ... Yes? ::arching an eyebrow slightly::
You don't need to be in a bar right now, so I'd like to walk you home. However, you're also a bit drunk-slash-hung over, and well, you don't need to be told of my deathly allergy to all things paper, do you? ::Faint smirk, reaches out and pats the book:: I'd need both hands to catch you if you stumble.
... Kind of a pointless walk. ::closes her eyes and shakes her head:: I'll be fine, been fine before this, I'll just grab another drink for the road and pick another world and hole up somewhere as usual.
... ::Eyeing her:: ... Pick up the book. I'm taking you home.
... ... ::opening her eyes, looking at him:: ... ... ::looking away, gesturing to the bar:: I'll just get--
Riza Hawkeye. This is an order from Roy Mustang. Pick up the book. I'm taking you home. ::Yes, he's going to make her work, if only in carrying the book, so she doesn't feel totally patronized here::
::hesitating, hands trembling, looking at him:: ... ... ... yessir... ::looking away, picking up the book as she stands::
::Moving to stand up beside her after she gets up, resting his hand on her shoulder:: It's a short walk to the portal. If you feel you need a moment, let me know.
I'll be fine... ::eyeing the bar as they walk to the door... really, really wants another drink, but doesn't press the order; figures she can humor him a bit and then leave and get wasted then::
::Walking to the door with her, watching her out of the corner of his good eye:: These are your only clothes?
.... currently. ... I had a bag with some things but I seem to have misplaced it.
::Nods slightly:: When's the last time you had a hot bath?
... Eh... most motels have showers and those're easier... couple nights ago I think.
::Nods slightly, walking with her, stepping through the portal with her as he thinks of what else to talk about::
I'll get your book home and be on my way; I won't bother you, I'll be fine.
Don't make me give you another whap to the head while you're hung over, Hawkeye. ::Walking with her, heading through the Nexus, guiding her to his apartment::
... Why're you doin' this?
Because I'm choosing to. ::you ever notice how Roy tends to not answer questions directly? Yeah...::
... ::walking silently; part of her wants to get away from him simply because it's all so comforting and familiar and she's feeling too wounded and tired to want to deal with that, she's afraid of latching on only to go through everything all over again and it already hurts enough::
::Glancing at her again, walking with her:: When's the last time you had a good meal?
... I don't know. I haven't had much an appetite lately. ... Probably before he died.
Something told me as much. ::Entering the apartment building with her, walking to his apartment's door::
::walking with him, looking down mostly, hugging the book to herself::
::Taking out his key, opening the door, looks at her and gestures inside:: After you.
... ::hesitating, looking up at him:: ... ... ::she's only ever gone first when it's a potentially hazardous situation... and this isn't:: ... ::stepping into the apartment, and immediately sidestepping by the door to wait beside it for him to enter;:
::Stepping inside after her, faint smile:: This is a new apartment, I only moved in in the last week or two myself. ::Closing the door:: Set the book on the table?
... ::setting it down:: You live in the Nexus, sir?
I do. ::Nods slightly::
::little nod, hugging herself:: Heard some of the others did too - at least sometimes.
Some do. Some don't. Whatever the case, I try to avoid them when I can. I don't need to see alternates better off than I am. ::Faint smirk:: Why don't you have a seat?
... ::doesn't move, just standing there, looking at him:: ... ... What happened?
::Walking through the kitchen, starting to make a sandwich:: I assassinated the Fuhrer, Automail-Archer ambushed me with enough weaponry to take out a squad in less than five seconds. My Riza, wounded from combat, took him down but glanced my skull with a shot. The military didn't exactly look favorably on me assassinating the leader of the military, but there was enough evidence to keep me out of major trouble.
... ::follows him, leaning on the kitchen doorway, watching him:: ... I see.
... She didn't feel like she could continue with her duty after that, so she left my command. I felt about as tall as Edward, and the military was hounding me to resume my duties as an alchemist. ... I turned in my watch, enlisted, and went north. And that was the status quo for about two years...
... ::kinda blinks a little at the two years part... just 'cause:: ...
Then... she and Edward showed up to rescue Alphonse from some Liorian thugs, at the same time that I did... And... well... Nexus.
... ::small nod, resting her head on the doorway, watching him::
Have a seat? ::Gesturing to the table, finishing making the sandwich::
::walks over, sitting down, crossing her arms again::
::Taking the sandwich over to her, setting the plate down on the table in front of her:: Eat.
... ::looking at it:: ... ::Picks it up, gingerly nibbling at it::
::Sitting down beside her, faint smile:: So... yes, I really have nothing to look forward to these days. I'm only here because it's warmer than the frozen north...
...... ::bitty nibble... GUILT. not looking at him:: ... m'sorry.
You don't need to apologise. I didn't tell you that story to make you feel like things aren't so bad by comparison. I only told you because you asked.
... Still. I shouldn't have bothered you with anything. I'm sorry.
Riza? I had to drag you here.
::closes her eyes, nibbling the sandwich, not sure what to say::
You're going to stay here, Hawkeye. You need rest, you need a good night's sleep, and you need someone to tell you to take better care of yourself.
... I couldn't impose, sir.
You're not imposing. ::Looking at her::
... You don't even really know me, sir.
Maybe not. But I do know that you're in a bad way, and I'm not going to let you drink yourself to death.
........ ::looking back down at her half-eatened sandwich:: ... for the night then. I... ::trails off, not even sure what she wants to say here, she's tired and hurting and she's afraid of getting attached only to get shoved out when she's 'better'::
It's a start. ::Nods slightly; Looking at her sandwich... considers it to be a decent start as well, but isn't going to push her either:: You've filled up, or just set it down to think?
... ::looking at it:: ... I don't know... I don't think I could eat anything more right now though. ::her stomach's all knotted with a fatigued, unspecific sense of worried agitation::
All right. I'll wrap it up and put it in the refridgerator... ::Picking up the plate, now he just needs to remember how to use the plastic wrap:: What's on your mind?
.... I'm... just not sure how good of an idea all of this is...
Mmhmm... Any particular reason? ::Looking at the plastic wrap container... knows there's a way to just tear it...::
:;silent for a long moment, trying to make the fears and everything else form something coherent:: ... ... ... I'm just tired of hurting.
... >_# ::Looks at the plate... leaves it be for now, walks over to her and puts his hands on her shoulders:: You're not alone in that regard.
::trembling a little, although it just might be a bit of the shakes, biting her lip, eyes closed... gingerly rests her hand on his, the touch light::
Hurt doesn't go away so easily as that. Not when it lies so deep.
Why are you doing this? Why aren't you just leaving me alone? Most others do.
Most of the others haven't had their world completely destroyed either. I know where you're coming from. If I'm going to get through this, I can't very well abandon someone else in the same position.
... ::looking up at him... ;_;! breath hitches a bit as her eyes get wet, and her grip on his hand strengthens::
::Looking down at her, just smiling faintly at her... mun is starting to think that's almost a trained response more than anything else...:: We're going to be okay. I'll see to that, and you'll see to that... and we -will- be okay.
... ::closes her eyes, turning her head to rest her cheek on their hands::
... ::Lifting his other hand and putting it on her hair, stroking her hair lightly with his thumb::
... You don't have to do that. ::yes, assuming more or less most Mustangs feel about Hawkeye the way hers did, also knows what she told him, assuming it's just obligation there or something else::
Shhh. I know I don't have to. I choose to in spite of that.
::grips his hand tighter:: ;_;
::Twists his hand a bit so that he can hold her hand and squeeze back::
... What can I do for you?
First of all, I'd like you to resume taking better care of yourself. I don't think I need to tell you that you look like you've seen better days.
'lright.
After that... We'll think of something. ::Squeezing her hand:: The most important thing is to make sure that you -can- live. ::Petting her hair::
m'sorry.
It's okay. We do strange things when we don't know what happens next.
I won't be any trouble, I promise, if it gets to be too much a bother you can tell me to go.
::Gives her head a very gentle bop:: I do not abandon people.
::flinches a bit:: ;_; I know... ... ;_; I just don't want to wear out my welcome.
I put up with myself for two years. ::Faint smile:: I can put up with you for just as long, if not longer. ::Resumes stroking her hair::
::lifts their hands off her shoulder and presses the back of his hand to her cheek, eyes closed, trembling::
::Touching her cheek lightly, holding his hand there::
... ::she's not the most stable of Hawkeyes, and there's still the effect of alcohol in her system hindering any control, but... a little glimmer of hope and something making her -want- to keep going and an overall feeling of safety is more than she's had in a while; starts crying quietly, relief mixed with fatigue, clinging to his hand::
::Stepping closer to her, puts his hand back on her other shoulder, gently pulling her a little closer to him::
::tenses a bit then gives in and relaxes, letting go of his hand and... hesitating a moment longer before clinging to him, breathing in shuddering little gasps::
::Closes his eye, holding her as best he can from that position:: Let it out, Riza.
... ::whimpers, shutting her eyes tighter:: m'sorry, I'll be better'n this, promise...
Riza? I'm not disappointed in you. I want you to do this, whatever it takes to come to terms with things. I want you to feel better in time, and for now... whatever happens doesn't matter.
... came t'terms with most a while ago. ... just... .... just tired now.
Okay. Then I give you permission to be tired. ::Rubbing her arm slowly, he's half of a mind to fight her on what all she's come to terms with, but there will be time for that later::
...::drawing back after a few minutes... rubbing her forehead:: m'headache's worse though... ... don't you have anything to drink?
... ::Looks at her:: ... ::Puts his hand on her cheek:: I can go scrounge up a small bottle of something. In the meantime, why don't you take a bath?
::nods:: 'lright... ::rubbing her eyes and standing, a bit unsteady::
Are you going to be all right alone? ::Helping her stand::
::little nod:: Been for this long.
... ::Rubs her back:: Okay. I'll be back in just a couple of minutes.
::tiny nod, looking around the place... making her way down the hall until she finds the bathroom::
::Going to get his wallet, only took a couple of bucks with him to the 'Sin to get something to eat... >_> goes to his bedroom and grabs the robe, bringing it to the bathroom and laying it outside the door for her::
::Doesn't -expect- her to finish before he gets back, but just in case::
::was actually going to re-dress; would retreat back in and change into the robe upon finding it, but...::
::Heading out to go and get a small bottle of something, thinking of things he -wouldn't- drink... >_> wine coolers probably don't have enough alcohol for the purpose -she- wants... -_-; grumble... snagging a couple of bottles of something, may as well practice his drink-mixing if he's going to be a bartender...:: ... ::Coming home, glancing down the hall at the bathroom to see if Riza's still in there or not::
::still in the shower, sitting down with her back to the spray, head on her knees::
::Looking that way a while longer... putting the alcohol on the counter, thinking, starting to mix some random thing together. XD;;; He deeply cares about this, can you tell?::
((kamikaze!))
((::Cracks up!:: >_> Sadly, that's probably it. XD))
... ::making herself get up finally, washed her hair etc. already, shuts off the water and slowly towels off;:
::Glancing in the direction of the bathroom:: ... >_> Heh... something tells me that wasn't as relaxing as I had hoped it would have been. -_- Mental note, draw the bath for her next time...
::and what else would she do? she has no idea the robe's out there and this isn't a hentai film; shivering as she gets dressed again, trying not to move her head too much::
::Walking down the hall holding the drink, stopping that the bathroom door probably as she's halfway through dressing:: I've got a robe for you out here, by the way.
... ::stops:: .. ... Oh... ... thank you...
::Crouching, picking up the robe, cracks the door and hands it through:: I've got your drink when you're finished.
! ... ::reaches out and takes it:: Thank you
::Waiting for her outside the door, leaning against the wall::
::changing into the robe instead... folding her clothes the best she can, looking around, hesitating... leaving them folded on the sink counter, opens the door, stepping out, hair wet, arms crossed and huddled inside the robe and... Here you go. ::Holding out the glass to her:: Drink slow, I'm only making you the one.
... ::taking it carefully, her hand's shaking a bit::
::Puts his arms around her shoulders, walking with her to the living room::
... ::leans against him a little, looking up at him after a moment::
I'll start a small fire to warm up a bit, and you can rest against me.
::looking at him for a long minute... then carefully sits down on the sofa, sipping her drink::
::Taking her to the sofa, faint smile:: Would you like a blanket as well? ::stepping to the fireplace, crouching, mun is seeing gas... XD::
::watching him...:: ... Only if it's not any trouble- I could go get it.... >_>; if you'd tell me where...
Starting tomorrow, I'll ask you to get things. Today? Just relax. ::Starting the fire with matches... XD That must weird her out... getting back up, heading down the hall to grab a blanket, coming back to the sofa with it::
... ::watching him... little curious frown, but not asking... she didn't realize he'd given up alchemy entirely:: ... ::sips her drink:: thank you... ::reaching out for the blanket::
::Giving the blanket:: Did you want anything else, before I sit?
;_; No... you've done so much already...
All right. Do you -need- anything else?
... ::shakes her head slightly::
All right. ::Taking his seat beside her, looking at her:: Lean against me.
... ::leans against him... hands over the drink while she unfolds the blanket::
::Holding onto the drink, letting her unfold the blanket::
::covers both their laps, taking the drink back, sipping it >_<; wants more than just this... but isn't going to argue for now::
::Scoots a little closer to her, puts his arm around her shoulders:: Just relax.
... ;_; ::closes her eyes, turning her head toward his shoulder, and ow... it's Roy but it isn't, and sitting there like that is something she'd have given anything at one time for... now it's mostly just scary because she doesn't want to fall all over again - she knows better, really. But... just once can't hurt... right? it's been such a long road, and she's so tired and defeated and wounded, just once couldn't hurt::
::At this point, he's just concerned with making sure that she doesn't fall so far to pieces that he can't put her back together again, keeping his arm around her shoulder:: I know I'm not your Roy. Just like you're not my Riza. For now, we don't even need to worry about that. I'm Roy, you're Riza. I'm going to take care of you, and you're going to take care of me. That's what matters.
... ... ... ;____; ::bitty whimper, shutting her eyes tighter and covering her face with her hand, her expression crumpling as she starts crying::
::Hugging her a little tighter, letting her relax against him; Not going to force her to talk right now, nor is he able to think of much to say at that exact moment, he wants her to rest and get some of her sanity back::
::she doesn't cry for long, a few minutes tops, then sips her drink, breathing in little shuddery low whimpers, emotionally strung out of shape and exhausted more than anything else:: m'sorry... don' d'serve this.
It's okay. I can handle it. Better that you have someone to cry with than not, hmm?
should'a done more, been there... he said't too... th' one - Edward... my world? S'dead, but s'not, I don't know anymore... both of them were dead too but they're not but I promised to protect him and I wasn't -there-...
What did Roy tell you?
get backup... ... I wasn't fast enough. ;_;***
Is there any way that you could have moved faster?
Dunno anymore... I just... I kept trying to think of something I could've done differently... ::shakes her head:: ... I just know i should've been there.
You did as you were ordered to. He thought that what he had you do was best. You did everything that you could, I can see that much.
::sips her drink, sighs, laying her head back down on his shoulder:: ... I hate them. ;_;*
I don't fault you that. We'll avoid them. It's pretty easy to avoid people around here, I've heard...
::small nod, nuzzling his shoulder a moment before sipping her drink, eyeing it:: ... We never should'a gotten mixed up with them, it's their fault.
No. There's more to it than that. It may be their fault, but there were people behind the scenes. Did you know about the homunculi?
::small nod:: Fuhrer Bradley was one... and it was Envy, I think from what I was told, who killed the General.
::Nods:: Spread the hate equally. ... Of course, from the sound of if they've turned into something horrible on their own.
... ::practically doubletakes... looking up at him slowly, just... hearing /him/ saying /that/ is just a '...wait, what?' moment:: ...
You look surprised? ... Better that the hate is given to all those who deserve it, than just two stupid scapegoats.
... ... ... ::closes her eyes, looking down, doesn't really have a response to that, trying not to feel guilty about it::
... ::pets her hair lightly:: It's okay, Riza.
::it's like poking at an infected wound now; downs the rest of her drink, really, really wanting more than just that, looking at the glass, trying to get the nerve to get up and get more::
... I'm sorry.
... f'r what?
For bringing you back to those memories. Even more vividly, anyway.
... ::shakes her head:: ... S'all I have anyhow. ... I need another drink.
It's not all you have. Not any more. ::Looking at her:: I gave you that drink so that you could recover from your discomfort. You don't -need- alcohol... not like you've been drinking it.
[07 ... ::looks up at him;: ... ;_; ... ::closes her eyes and lays her head on his shoulder:: ... ... But it helps...
[07 I know it helps. But you shouldn't grow dependant upon it. ::Hugging her tightly::
... I was already... there was just nothing left. And then there wasn't even hope left. I was too tired. ... I just couldn't get the nerve to pull the trigger. So I started killing time instead.
I can understand that, Riza. I went North to get away from everything, to let nature run its course. ... I'm just a survivor, too. ::Faint smirk, hugging her gently:: The point is... we're not going to die, at least not without hope.
... ::looks up at him for a moment... then lays her head back down, closing her eyes again:: ... ... You'll tell me if I become too much a bother?
If it ever does come to that, I will let you know. -But-, you need to rely on me to do that for you. Don't assume anything, all right? I will not keep things from you.
::tiny nod:: ... ;_; warn me before it gets that far...? I'll stop whatever it is, I promise. ::just don't make me go::
If it comes to that, I will.
::starts to move, hesitates, then turns toward him a bit more, slipping an arm across his waist, head still on his shoulder, and sighs quietly::
::Turns his head slightly to look at her, hugs her a little tighter:: Rest, Riza. Things will get better. I promise.
... I believe you.
::Small smile:: Good. Then you've already taken the first step.
Do you believe you?
I believe that if I don't, Riza Hawkeye's going to make sure that I quit being a brat and give it more consideration.
... ::lifts her head... looking at him:: ... ::slow little warm smile <3::
I have no doubt that you won't let me get away with anything that I won't let you get away with. ::Smiling, just a little wider:: Between the two of us, we'll take care of the others' demons..
I promise.
Thank you.
::lays her head back down on his shoulder:: Most people here either avoided me, like the alternates, or I avoided them... like the people from my world. Oddly enough the one who put the most effort into talking me out of another one for the road was the Sin's owner.
... Is that so? ... He surprises me more and more every time I hear something about him.
Hmm? Who? Greed? ... I suppose he's not too much like the other homunculi, no. Even the alternates seem to not mind the place.
Yes. ::chuckles quietly:: I can think of worse people to work under. -_- I KNOW worse people to work under...
So do I... it was... probably working under Fuhrer Bradley and knowing what he was that helped keep me from even considering giving up and entertaining the possibility he might be dead.
::Nods slightly, hugging her a bit tighter at that::
::soft little sigh as she shifts again, just a fraction, curling up against him a bit more, relaxing against him::
This is okay, for now?
Are you comfortable?
I am.
then it's okay. ::tiny nod::
::Smiling that tiny smile, hugging her gently again and watching the fire, not really saying much else now... >_>::
::she's not drifting off to sleep; she's a bit calmer than she would ordinarily be, but she's still a bit restless, with low-grade anxiety and tremors, and an elevated heart rate as the drink she had earlier wears off, the total amount she had not quite the amount she normally has by this time::
... >_# You're trembling, Riza... is something the matter?
I... ... ... I'm just feeling a little shaky, I guess. ::wants to ask for another drink, but all they'd said a bit ago? this /is/ Riza Hawkeye still, under all that::
Any particular reason? ::Looking at her worriedly::
::shakes her head a little:: drinking usually makes it stop but... ::tiny shrug::
... >_> ::Looking at her a moment longer:: ... Hmmm... That sounds kind of troubling, actually. ... ::Looking at her:: This time, I'll make you another drink. What do you need?
... I... it's... ;_; you want me to stop though so I will.
... ::Raises his hand to stroke her hair:: Riza? I want you to stop because it isn't healthy, but if you're shaking as a result of that, it worries me. I'd rather have you drink a bit more in the short run than risk you getting sick because of it.
... ... then whatever's here, it doesn't really matter.
All right. Another Kamikaze? Err... everything rolled up into one?
That would be okay... ::letting go of him after a moment:: ... I can come out with you.
::Looks at her, faint smile:: I have several bottles of things here. Practice for Bartending...
I won't turn you down if you want to come to the kitchen with me, though. I -do- want you to eat a little more. You look like you haven't been eating much.
::slight nod... tiny shrug:: ... haven't had much an appetite in the last two years.
::Slight smirk at her:: You're going to get your appetite back. I don't want you getting drunk again, and really, your body looks like you haven't been taking care of it.
... looks like I need someone around to remind me to do that once in a while.
... ::Raising his hand, reaches out to brush it over her hair:: I'll remind you to eat, you remind me to sleep. Sound fair?
::little nod:: ... I thought sleep was something you did easily enough, or is that just when there's paperwork waiting? ::hesitant smile::
::Faint smirk:: That's when there's paperwork. I'm allergic, you know. It makes me drowsy. ::Getting up, holding his hand out to her::
::little smile, slipping her hand in his, and getting up, a bit unsteady::
::Walking to the kitchen with her, fetching the sandwich from the fridge and bringing it back to the table:: I'll get your drink.
::sitting down at the table.. taking the plate and forcing herself to eat a bit more of it::
::Preparing another drink, faint smile over at her:: At the very least, I get to practice mixing drinks this way... ::Teasing her a bit::
::wry half-grin:: Might as well, then I can help you somehow. ... ::looking down, studying the sandwich, thinking:: ... ... ... Y- you might... you might want to use alchemy to lock the cupboard they're in... if you want.
::Looks at her:: ::Small smile:: I trust you. If you need alcohol, I know you'll ask me first.
... Then you have a little more faith in me than I do.
Actually, right now I have a little more faith in your guilt and your desire to not do anything wrong. ::Faint smirk at her, he said that with a friendly tone::
... ::closes her eyes and chuckles faintly:: Either you know me better than the one from my world did, or he was just very, very good at keeping me in the dark as to how much he knew. ::...and the mun's blinking; that was a light tone, but rather forced toward the end, just a faint trace of bitterness there::
::Looks over at her... small frown, can't really say anything to that since he doesn't know everything:: I like to think that I know you well.
So far, so good. ::faint smile:: ... In Ishbal. ::Looking at her, faint smile:: What about you?
... ::blinks a couple times:: when I was twelve, and he started apprenticing under my father, who was the first Flame Alchemist...
.. Well, that's quite a difference. ::Blinks::
A bit... >_>; so there's likely a couple more surprises in store... but at least we seem to be familiar enough... familiar enough for solid ground and different enough to keep things from being boring? ::slightly timid smile::
::Faint smile at her:: That sounds accurate to me. ::Bringing her her drink::
::reaches out for it, trying to figure out how to phrase something... hesitating, frowning a bit as she chews her lip, taking the drink, thinking::
::Looking at her:: What's on your mind?
Trying to think of how to say something without it sounding as bad as I'm afraid it might because I don't think I'd be phrasing it right.
::Small smile:: I know you won't mean any harm by it. Say what's on your mind, Riza.
... We're not who we knew, but we're who we want- or maybe need- to be with? ::her voice is positively shaking there ::Eyes her, faint smile, reaches out to put his hand on hers:: I think I know what you're saying. I can't say for certain in the fullest regard, but I know that I would like to get to know you better, and I would like to be with you. And I will not throw you away.
... That last part is all I ask of you.
::Squeezes her hand:: That last part is a promise.
::turns her hand in his to grip back::
[[RP log done in chat over a week's time]]
::comes to the Sin a few times a week at the most, goes barhopping elsewhere for the most part; wearing jeans, a denim jacket, and a black turtleneck, with a bill cap on her head, her hair pulled through the back in an improptu ponytail, and large, dark sunglasses - it's fairly early afternoon, and she hasn't had enough to drink to kill off the hangover yet; walks in, keeping her sunglasses on, hands shaking as she sits at the bar and orders a screwdriver and a shot of rum, downs the rum and starts working on the screwdriver::
::Sitting at a table at the Sin, studying a drink menu on how to prepare things.. glancing up as the door opens, blinks, looking at her...::
::sure, she has on a hat and sunglasses, but her voice is definitely Riza's - and she can't be movie!Riza; Al would've checked in on Roy to make sure he's not sick since Riza did come down with the flu, so he knows the one from his world is out of operation right now; and even if the person at the bar looked sick, considering Ed's mother died from getting sick, and how obsessive-paranoid Ed is about losing anyone... she's likely not let out of the house yet, and not alone XD;;;::
... ::Getting up, walking over to her:: ... Isn't it a little early to be drinking?
::her hand visibly shakes as she rubs her cheek, then startles at his voice, spinning on the stool to face him and almost falling off, owgoddamnitow, sudden movements = bad Y HAT DAME:: ... ... ... ::staring at him, silent for a few minutes...then turns to her drink for another sip:: Maybe for some.
And not to you? ::Taking a seat beside her, looking at her:: Why are you in this cesspool at this time of day?
((... Gee, Roy, why don't you tell us what you really think?))
((Roy> ^_# I would never drink at a place that would hire me.))
((.. -_- Thank you, Groucho Mustang.))
((XD!!!!!!!))
... ::looking at him again briefly:: ... ... ... ::studies her drink:: ... Already in the Nexus; other worlds too far away right now. ::sips::
Mmhmm. So what's driven you to this?
... ::facial shrug, not looking at him:: Everything's gone. So I thought I'd drink a little.
A little? Only a little? ::Watching her::
So I win the 'understatement of the year' award. Go, me. ::her voice is thicker, on the verge of breaking, the sunglasses are hiding how wet her eyes are getting; talking to a Roy is painful::
Push the drink away, Riza.
... ::goes still, not looking at him:: ... ... ... Whether I do or don't, it doesn't change that there's nothing left. If I don't, in another hour or so I won't feel enough to care anymore.
... So you can still feel right now?
::flinches:: ... ::looks at him:: What kind of a question is -that-? ::voice cracking::
::Reaches up and whacks the back of her head, just a little more solid than a light smack:: The kind to wonder if you feel -that-. Push the drink away, Riza.
::staring at him, and by now her eyes are too wet to keep from spilling over, her expression crumpling slightly:: ... ... ::turns her head away and closes her eyes, trying to make her tone indifferent as she pushes it away:: Fine, I'll humor you. ::for now::
You're not going to humor me. You're going to do whatever it takes to satisfy me and make me leave, and then you're going to ask for something with Everclear. ::Yay! Bartending lessons ARE paying off!::
....... ::not looking at him, sitting very still, not saying anything one way or another, which is as close to an admission as you'll get, Roy::
Now. You're not going to be rid of me so easily. ::Looking at her:: And I'm not going to cut you loose so easily. Get up, we're going to sit over there. ::points to his table:: And you're going to talk to me about all of this.
....... ::looking at him, even with sunglasses on, her expression's bleak:: ... ... ::gets up wordlessly, a bit unsteady, her hands are still shaking, walks to the table::
::reaches up and puts a steadying hand on her shoulder:: You look like you've been kicked by a very angry mule and are still smarting from it...
::flinches just a bit at first, then leans against his hand slightly, and chuckles, a dry, humorless sound, at the kick comment, and lets him steer her to the table::
::Sitting down with her, beside her:: Now, what happened?
... Long story short? ::her tone's dull, flat, like she's walled off against what she's saying:: He's dead and I'd already burnt every bridge that's out there because I wouldn't believe it - I had reasons for it, there wasn't a body and I saw something no one else looked in time to see and everyone thought i'd just gone crazy 'cause I wouldn't believe he was dead.
... Let me get this straight... nobody else was willing to hear you out?
not with the destruction there, I guess. He'd gone into the sewers with Alphonse after Edward was missing and sent me to get backup... by the time we got there, it was just ruins, and there were no bodies. And I thought I saw Edward in the distance later, but turns out, it was a homunculus. And as time went on... if they were alive, why didn't anyone get in touch with us? ::tiny shrug, studying her hands::
Your world sounds as though it could stand a do-over. ... Sounds like we've got that much in common.
::lifts her head just enough to look at him from between the top of her sunglasses and the bill of her cap::
You've left your world, then?
Yeah. ::looking back at her hands:: ... after I ran into them here... Edward and Alphonse... I... I realized... he really /was/ dead. ... and there was nothing to go back to.
I see. ... You're just going through the motions of life and trying to kill the pain until something kills you, aren't you?
... ::smiles bitterly:: I know I could pick up and move on... at least in theory. But moving requires energy I... I don't have. I'm tired. ... So I'm biding my time, until something catches up or I get the nerve to catch up.
::Reaches his hand up to whack her head:: You don't have permission to catch up that way.
::giving him a slightly cross look:: And it matters -why-?
Because I know you, and I know that if you did something like that, you'd -still- never face him because you'd be afraid of what would be said if you gave up.
... ::looking at her hands, silent, thinking, then shakes her head a bit:: Nah. ... He's already said something worse than any bitching at me for that would be. I don't care anymore.
And what is that?
... ::looks at him... smirks bitterly, then looks back down:: You're making me repeat it? Basically, I would never be what or who he'd want. Oh, I don't doubt for a moment he loved me, it was just... it was clearly framed in the just-friends way, and... I'm too tired now to give a damn anymore.
Yes, as a matter of fact, I -did- make you repeat it. If I'm taking the time to care, should I not at least get the information that I need?::Right now, he's concentrating on eroding any excuses she might have to flee from him and put herself back in a bad situation...::
::shifts position, closing her eyes and crossing her arms over her chest, huddling up a bit, exhausted and wounded, and seriously wondering on the wisdom of any of this; part of her wants to give up, part of her wants to latch on for dear life, and part of her's deathly afraid of winding up falling all over again:: ... ::closes her eyes and hangs her head:: S'appreciated, but a waste of time. You're Roy Mustang, right? Worry about the Hawkeye of your world.
The Riza Hawkeye of my world is elsewhere. There's a Riza Hawkeye -here- that needs her commanding officer to beat some sense into her. ::And that "Elsewhere" was more of a "Not with him", if she's reading into that statement. XD::
... ::lifts her head, looking at him ;_;:: ... ... ::part of her wants to stay in a numbed daze and fade out without being noticed, it doesn't hurt quite as much there:: ... s'late, an' m'tired. ::not a no... just...oh, and it has nothing to do with the time or normal fatigue::
Actually, it's early and you're tired. ::Reaches out and puts his hand on her shoulder:: Can you carry a book?
... ::looks at him, a bit of a 'bzuh?' expression - what kinda question is /that/?:: ... Yes? ::arching an eyebrow slightly::
You don't need to be in a bar right now, so I'd like to walk you home. However, you're also a bit drunk-slash-hung over, and well, you don't need to be told of my deathly allergy to all things paper, do you? ::Faint smirk, reaches out and pats the book:: I'd need both hands to catch you if you stumble.
... Kind of a pointless walk. ::closes her eyes and shakes her head:: I'll be fine, been fine before this, I'll just grab another drink for the road and pick another world and hole up somewhere as usual.
... ::Eyeing her:: ... Pick up the book. I'm taking you home.
... ... ::opening her eyes, looking at him:: ... ... ::looking away, gesturing to the bar:: I'll just get--
Riza Hawkeye. This is an order from Roy Mustang. Pick up the book. I'm taking you home. ::Yes, he's going to make her work, if only in carrying the book, so she doesn't feel totally patronized here::
::hesitating, hands trembling, looking at him:: ... ... ... yessir... ::looking away, picking up the book as she stands::
::Moving to stand up beside her after she gets up, resting his hand on her shoulder:: It's a short walk to the portal. If you feel you need a moment, let me know.
I'll be fine... ::eyeing the bar as they walk to the door... really, really wants another drink, but doesn't press the order; figures she can humor him a bit and then leave and get wasted then::
::Walking to the door with her, watching her out of the corner of his good eye:: These are your only clothes?
.... currently. ... I had a bag with some things but I seem to have misplaced it.
::Nods slightly:: When's the last time you had a hot bath?
... Eh... most motels have showers and those're easier... couple nights ago I think.
::Nods slightly, walking with her, stepping through the portal with her as he thinks of what else to talk about::
I'll get your book home and be on my way; I won't bother you, I'll be fine.
Don't make me give you another whap to the head while you're hung over, Hawkeye. ::Walking with her, heading through the Nexus, guiding her to his apartment::
... Why're you doin' this?
Because I'm choosing to. ::you ever notice how Roy tends to not answer questions directly? Yeah...::
... ::walking silently; part of her wants to get away from him simply because it's all so comforting and familiar and she's feeling too wounded and tired to want to deal with that, she's afraid of latching on only to go through everything all over again and it already hurts enough::
::Glancing at her again, walking with her:: When's the last time you had a good meal?
... I don't know. I haven't had much an appetite lately. ... Probably before he died.
Something told me as much. ::Entering the apartment building with her, walking to his apartment's door::
::walking with him, looking down mostly, hugging the book to herself::
::Taking out his key, opening the door, looks at her and gestures inside:: After you.
... ::hesitating, looking up at him:: ... ... ::she's only ever gone first when it's a potentially hazardous situation... and this isn't:: ... ::stepping into the apartment, and immediately sidestepping by the door to wait beside it for him to enter;:
::Stepping inside after her, faint smile:: This is a new apartment, I only moved in in the last week or two myself. ::Closing the door:: Set the book on the table?
... ::setting it down:: You live in the Nexus, sir?
I do. ::Nods slightly::
::little nod, hugging herself:: Heard some of the others did too - at least sometimes.
Some do. Some don't. Whatever the case, I try to avoid them when I can. I don't need to see alternates better off than I am. ::Faint smirk:: Why don't you have a seat?
... ::doesn't move, just standing there, looking at him:: ... ... What happened?
::Walking through the kitchen, starting to make a sandwich:: I assassinated the Fuhrer, Automail-Archer ambushed me with enough weaponry to take out a squad in less than five seconds. My Riza, wounded from combat, took him down but glanced my skull with a shot. The military didn't exactly look favorably on me assassinating the leader of the military, but there was enough evidence to keep me out of major trouble.
... ::follows him, leaning on the kitchen doorway, watching him:: ... I see.
... She didn't feel like she could continue with her duty after that, so she left my command. I felt about as tall as Edward, and the military was hounding me to resume my duties as an alchemist. ... I turned in my watch, enlisted, and went north. And that was the status quo for about two years...
... ::kinda blinks a little at the two years part... just 'cause:: ...
Then... she and Edward showed up to rescue Alphonse from some Liorian thugs, at the same time that I did... And... well... Nexus.
... ::small nod, resting her head on the doorway, watching him::
Have a seat? ::Gesturing to the table, finishing making the sandwich::
::walks over, sitting down, crossing her arms again::
::Taking the sandwich over to her, setting the plate down on the table in front of her:: Eat.
... ::looking at it:: ... ::Picks it up, gingerly nibbling at it::
::Sitting down beside her, faint smile:: So... yes, I really have nothing to look forward to these days. I'm only here because it's warmer than the frozen north...
...... ::bitty nibble... GUILT. not looking at him:: ... m'sorry.
You don't need to apologise. I didn't tell you that story to make you feel like things aren't so bad by comparison. I only told you because you asked.
... Still. I shouldn't have bothered you with anything. I'm sorry.
Riza? I had to drag you here.
::closes her eyes, nibbling the sandwich, not sure what to say::
You're going to stay here, Hawkeye. You need rest, you need a good night's sleep, and you need someone to tell you to take better care of yourself.
... I couldn't impose, sir.
You're not imposing. ::Looking at her::
... You don't even really know me, sir.
Maybe not. But I do know that you're in a bad way, and I'm not going to let you drink yourself to death.
........ ::looking back down at her half-eatened sandwich:: ... for the night then. I... ::trails off, not even sure what she wants to say here, she's tired and hurting and she's afraid of getting attached only to get shoved out when she's 'better'::
It's a start. ::Nods slightly; Looking at her sandwich... considers it to be a decent start as well, but isn't going to push her either:: You've filled up, or just set it down to think?
... ::looking at it:: ... I don't know... I don't think I could eat anything more right now though. ::her stomach's all knotted with a fatigued, unspecific sense of worried agitation::
All right. I'll wrap it up and put it in the refridgerator... ::Picking up the plate, now he just needs to remember how to use the plastic wrap:: What's on your mind?
.... I'm... just not sure how good of an idea all of this is...
Mmhmm... Any particular reason? ::Looking at the plastic wrap container... knows there's a way to just tear it...::
:;silent for a long moment, trying to make the fears and everything else form something coherent:: ... ... ... I'm just tired of hurting.
... >_# ::Looks at the plate... leaves it be for now, walks over to her and puts his hands on her shoulders:: You're not alone in that regard.
::trembling a little, although it just might be a bit of the shakes, biting her lip, eyes closed... gingerly rests her hand on his, the touch light::
Hurt doesn't go away so easily as that. Not when it lies so deep.
Why are you doing this? Why aren't you just leaving me alone? Most others do.
Most of the others haven't had their world completely destroyed either. I know where you're coming from. If I'm going to get through this, I can't very well abandon someone else in the same position.
... ::looking up at him... ;_;! breath hitches a bit as her eyes get wet, and her grip on his hand strengthens::
::Looking down at her, just smiling faintly at her... mun is starting to think that's almost a trained response more than anything else...:: We're going to be okay. I'll see to that, and you'll see to that... and we -will- be okay.
... ::closes her eyes, turning her head to rest her cheek on their hands::
... ::Lifting his other hand and putting it on her hair, stroking her hair lightly with his thumb::
... You don't have to do that. ::yes, assuming more or less most Mustangs feel about Hawkeye the way hers did, also knows what she told him, assuming it's just obligation there or something else::
Shhh. I know I don't have to. I choose to in spite of that.
::grips his hand tighter:: ;_;
::Twists his hand a bit so that he can hold her hand and squeeze back::
... What can I do for you?
First of all, I'd like you to resume taking better care of yourself. I don't think I need to tell you that you look like you've seen better days.
'lright.
After that... We'll think of something. ::Squeezing her hand:: The most important thing is to make sure that you -can- live. ::Petting her hair::
m'sorry.
It's okay. We do strange things when we don't know what happens next.
I won't be any trouble, I promise, if it gets to be too much a bother you can tell me to go.
::Gives her head a very gentle bop:: I do not abandon people.
::flinches a bit:: ;_; I know... ... ;_; I just don't want to wear out my welcome.
I put up with myself for two years. ::Faint smile:: I can put up with you for just as long, if not longer. ::Resumes stroking her hair::
::lifts their hands off her shoulder and presses the back of his hand to her cheek, eyes closed, trembling::
::Touching her cheek lightly, holding his hand there::
... ::she's not the most stable of Hawkeyes, and there's still the effect of alcohol in her system hindering any control, but... a little glimmer of hope and something making her -want- to keep going and an overall feeling of safety is more than she's had in a while; starts crying quietly, relief mixed with fatigue, clinging to his hand::
::Stepping closer to her, puts his hand back on her other shoulder, gently pulling her a little closer to him::
::tenses a bit then gives in and relaxes, letting go of his hand and... hesitating a moment longer before clinging to him, breathing in shuddering little gasps::
::Closes his eye, holding her as best he can from that position:: Let it out, Riza.
... ::whimpers, shutting her eyes tighter:: m'sorry, I'll be better'n this, promise...
Riza? I'm not disappointed in you. I want you to do this, whatever it takes to come to terms with things. I want you to feel better in time, and for now... whatever happens doesn't matter.
... came t'terms with most a while ago. ... just... .... just tired now.
Okay. Then I give you permission to be tired. ::Rubbing her arm slowly, he's half of a mind to fight her on what all she's come to terms with, but there will be time for that later::
...::drawing back after a few minutes... rubbing her forehead:: m'headache's worse though... ... don't you have anything to drink?
... ::Looks at her:: ... ::Puts his hand on her cheek:: I can go scrounge up a small bottle of something. In the meantime, why don't you take a bath?
::nods:: 'lright... ::rubbing her eyes and standing, a bit unsteady::
Are you going to be all right alone? ::Helping her stand::
::little nod:: Been for this long.
... ::Rubs her back:: Okay. I'll be back in just a couple of minutes.
::tiny nod, looking around the place... making her way down the hall until she finds the bathroom::
::Going to get his wallet, only took a couple of bucks with him to the 'Sin to get something to eat... >_> goes to his bedroom and grabs the robe, bringing it to the bathroom and laying it outside the door for her::
::Doesn't -expect- her to finish before he gets back, but just in case::
::was actually going to re-dress; would retreat back in and change into the robe upon finding it, but...::
::Heading out to go and get a small bottle of something, thinking of things he -wouldn't- drink... >_> wine coolers probably don't have enough alcohol for the purpose -she- wants... -_-; grumble... snagging a couple of bottles of something, may as well practice his drink-mixing if he's going to be a bartender...:: ... ::Coming home, glancing down the hall at the bathroom to see if Riza's still in there or not::
::still in the shower, sitting down with her back to the spray, head on her knees::
::Looking that way a while longer... putting the alcohol on the counter, thinking, starting to mix some random thing together. XD;;; He deeply cares about this, can you tell?::
((kamikaze!))
((::Cracks up!:: >_> Sadly, that's probably it. XD))
... ::making herself get up finally, washed her hair etc. already, shuts off the water and slowly towels off;:
::Glancing in the direction of the bathroom:: ... >_> Heh... something tells me that wasn't as relaxing as I had hoped it would have been. -_- Mental note, draw the bath for her next time...
::and what else would she do? she has no idea the robe's out there and this isn't a hentai film; shivering as she gets dressed again, trying not to move her head too much::
::Walking down the hall holding the drink, stopping that the bathroom door probably as she's halfway through dressing:: I've got a robe for you out here, by the way.
... ::stops:: .. ... Oh... ... thank you...
::Crouching, picking up the robe, cracks the door and hands it through:: I've got your drink when you're finished.
! ... ::reaches out and takes it:: Thank you
::Waiting for her outside the door, leaning against the wall::
::changing into the robe instead... folding her clothes the best she can, looking around, hesitating... leaving them folded on the sink counter, opens the door, stepping out, hair wet, arms crossed and huddled inside the robe and... Here you go. ::Holding out the glass to her:: Drink slow, I'm only making you the one.
... ::taking it carefully, her hand's shaking a bit::
::Puts his arms around her shoulders, walking with her to the living room::
... ::leans against him a little, looking up at him after a moment::
I'll start a small fire to warm up a bit, and you can rest against me.
::looking at him for a long minute... then carefully sits down on the sofa, sipping her drink::
::Taking her to the sofa, faint smile:: Would you like a blanket as well? ::stepping to the fireplace, crouching, mun is seeing gas... XD::
::watching him...:: ... Only if it's not any trouble- I could go get it.... >_>; if you'd tell me where...
Starting tomorrow, I'll ask you to get things. Today? Just relax. ::Starting the fire with matches... XD That must weird her out... getting back up, heading down the hall to grab a blanket, coming back to the sofa with it::
... ::watching him... little curious frown, but not asking... she didn't realize he'd given up alchemy entirely:: ... ::sips her drink:: thank you... ::reaching out for the blanket::
::Giving the blanket:: Did you want anything else, before I sit?
;_; No... you've done so much already...
All right. Do you -need- anything else?
... ::shakes her head slightly::
All right. ::Taking his seat beside her, looking at her:: Lean against me.
... ::leans against him... hands over the drink while she unfolds the blanket::
::Holding onto the drink, letting her unfold the blanket::
::covers both their laps, taking the drink back, sipping it >_<; wants more than just this... but isn't going to argue for now::
::Scoots a little closer to her, puts his arm around her shoulders:: Just relax.
... ;_; ::closes her eyes, turning her head toward his shoulder, and ow... it's Roy but it isn't, and sitting there like that is something she'd have given anything at one time for... now it's mostly just scary because she doesn't want to fall all over again - she knows better, really. But... just once can't hurt... right? it's been such a long road, and she's so tired and defeated and wounded, just once couldn't hurt::
::At this point, he's just concerned with making sure that she doesn't fall so far to pieces that he can't put her back together again, keeping his arm around her shoulder:: I know I'm not your Roy. Just like you're not my Riza. For now, we don't even need to worry about that. I'm Roy, you're Riza. I'm going to take care of you, and you're going to take care of me. That's what matters.
... ... ... ;____; ::bitty whimper, shutting her eyes tighter and covering her face with her hand, her expression crumpling as she starts crying::
::Hugging her a little tighter, letting her relax against him; Not going to force her to talk right now, nor is he able to think of much to say at that exact moment, he wants her to rest and get some of her sanity back::
::she doesn't cry for long, a few minutes tops, then sips her drink, breathing in little shuddery low whimpers, emotionally strung out of shape and exhausted more than anything else:: m'sorry... don' d'serve this.
It's okay. I can handle it. Better that you have someone to cry with than not, hmm?
should'a done more, been there... he said't too... th' one - Edward... my world? S'dead, but s'not, I don't know anymore... both of them were dead too but they're not but I promised to protect him and I wasn't -there-...
What did Roy tell you?
get backup... ... I wasn't fast enough. ;_;***
Is there any way that you could have moved faster?
Dunno anymore... I just... I kept trying to think of something I could've done differently... ::shakes her head:: ... I just know i should've been there.
You did as you were ordered to. He thought that what he had you do was best. You did everything that you could, I can see that much.
::sips her drink, sighs, laying her head back down on his shoulder:: ... I hate them. ;_;*
I don't fault you that. We'll avoid them. It's pretty easy to avoid people around here, I've heard...
::small nod, nuzzling his shoulder a moment before sipping her drink, eyeing it:: ... We never should'a gotten mixed up with them, it's their fault.
No. There's more to it than that. It may be their fault, but there were people behind the scenes. Did you know about the homunculi?
::small nod:: Fuhrer Bradley was one... and it was Envy, I think from what I was told, who killed the General.
::Nods:: Spread the hate equally. ... Of course, from the sound of if they've turned into something horrible on their own.
... ::practically doubletakes... looking up at him slowly, just... hearing /him/ saying /that/ is just a '...wait, what?' moment:: ...
You look surprised? ... Better that the hate is given to all those who deserve it, than just two stupid scapegoats.
... ... ... ::closes her eyes, looking down, doesn't really have a response to that, trying not to feel guilty about it::
... ::pets her hair lightly:: It's okay, Riza.
::it's like poking at an infected wound now; downs the rest of her drink, really, really wanting more than just that, looking at the glass, trying to get the nerve to get up and get more::
... I'm sorry.
... f'r what?
For bringing you back to those memories. Even more vividly, anyway.
... ::shakes her head:: ... S'all I have anyhow. ... I need another drink.
It's not all you have. Not any more. ::Looking at her:: I gave you that drink so that you could recover from your discomfort. You don't -need- alcohol... not like you've been drinking it.
[07 ... ::looks up at him;: ... ;_; ... ::closes her eyes and lays her head on his shoulder:: ... ... But it helps...
[07 I know it helps. But you shouldn't grow dependant upon it. ::Hugging her tightly::
... I was already... there was just nothing left. And then there wasn't even hope left. I was too tired. ... I just couldn't get the nerve to pull the trigger. So I started killing time instead.
I can understand that, Riza. I went North to get away from everything, to let nature run its course. ... I'm just a survivor, too. ::Faint smirk, hugging her gently:: The point is... we're not going to die, at least not without hope.
... ::looks up at him for a moment... then lays her head back down, closing her eyes again:: ... ... You'll tell me if I become too much a bother?
If it ever does come to that, I will let you know. -But-, you need to rely on me to do that for you. Don't assume anything, all right? I will not keep things from you.
::tiny nod:: ... ;_; warn me before it gets that far...? I'll stop whatever it is, I promise. ::just don't make me go::
If it comes to that, I will.
::starts to move, hesitates, then turns toward him a bit more, slipping an arm across his waist, head still on his shoulder, and sighs quietly::
::Turns his head slightly to look at her, hugs her a little tighter:: Rest, Riza. Things will get better. I promise.
... I believe you.
::Small smile:: Good. Then you've already taken the first step.
Do you believe you?
I believe that if I don't, Riza Hawkeye's going to make sure that I quit being a brat and give it more consideration.
... ::lifts her head... looking at him:: ... ::slow little warm smile <3::
I have no doubt that you won't let me get away with anything that I won't let you get away with. ::Smiling, just a little wider:: Between the two of us, we'll take care of the others' demons..
I promise.
Thank you.
::lays her head back down on his shoulder:: Most people here either avoided me, like the alternates, or I avoided them... like the people from my world. Oddly enough the one who put the most effort into talking me out of another one for the road was the Sin's owner.
... Is that so? ... He surprises me more and more every time I hear something about him.
Hmm? Who? Greed? ... I suppose he's not too much like the other homunculi, no. Even the alternates seem to not mind the place.
Yes. ::chuckles quietly:: I can think of worse people to work under. -_- I KNOW worse people to work under...
So do I... it was... probably working under Fuhrer Bradley and knowing what he was that helped keep me from even considering giving up and entertaining the possibility he might be dead.
::Nods slightly, hugging her a bit tighter at that::
::soft little sigh as she shifts again, just a fraction, curling up against him a bit more, relaxing against him::
This is okay, for now?
Are you comfortable?
I am.
then it's okay. ::tiny nod::
::Smiling that tiny smile, hugging her gently again and watching the fire, not really saying much else now... >_>::
::she's not drifting off to sleep; she's a bit calmer than she would ordinarily be, but she's still a bit restless, with low-grade anxiety and tremors, and an elevated heart rate as the drink she had earlier wears off, the total amount she had not quite the amount she normally has by this time::
... >_# You're trembling, Riza... is something the matter?
I... ... ... I'm just feeling a little shaky, I guess. ::wants to ask for another drink, but all they'd said a bit ago? this /is/ Riza Hawkeye still, under all that::
Any particular reason? ::Looking at her worriedly::
::shakes her head a little:: drinking usually makes it stop but... ::tiny shrug::
... >_> ::Looking at her a moment longer:: ... Hmmm... That sounds kind of troubling, actually. ... ::Looking at her:: This time, I'll make you another drink. What do you need?
... I... it's... ;_; you want me to stop though so I will.
... ::Raises his hand to stroke her hair:: Riza? I want you to stop because it isn't healthy, but if you're shaking as a result of that, it worries me. I'd rather have you drink a bit more in the short run than risk you getting sick because of it.
... ... then whatever's here, it doesn't really matter.
All right. Another Kamikaze? Err... everything rolled up into one?
That would be okay... ::letting go of him after a moment:: ... I can come out with you.
::Looks at her, faint smile:: I have several bottles of things here. Practice for Bartending...
I won't turn you down if you want to come to the kitchen with me, though. I -do- want you to eat a little more. You look like you haven't been eating much.
::slight nod... tiny shrug:: ... haven't had much an appetite in the last two years.
::Slight smirk at her:: You're going to get your appetite back. I don't want you getting drunk again, and really, your body looks like you haven't been taking care of it.
... looks like I need someone around to remind me to do that once in a while.
... ::Raising his hand, reaches out to brush it over her hair:: I'll remind you to eat, you remind me to sleep. Sound fair?
::little nod:: ... I thought sleep was something you did easily enough, or is that just when there's paperwork waiting? ::hesitant smile::
::Faint smirk:: That's when there's paperwork. I'm allergic, you know. It makes me drowsy. ::Getting up, holding his hand out to her::
::little smile, slipping her hand in his, and getting up, a bit unsteady::
::Walking to the kitchen with her, fetching the sandwich from the fridge and bringing it back to the table:: I'll get your drink.
::sitting down at the table.. taking the plate and forcing herself to eat a bit more of it::
::Preparing another drink, faint smile over at her:: At the very least, I get to practice mixing drinks this way... ::Teasing her a bit::
::wry half-grin:: Might as well, then I can help you somehow. ... ::looking down, studying the sandwich, thinking:: ... ... ... Y- you might... you might want to use alchemy to lock the cupboard they're in... if you want.
::Looks at her:: ::Small smile:: I trust you. If you need alcohol, I know you'll ask me first.
... Then you have a little more faith in me than I do.
Actually, right now I have a little more faith in your guilt and your desire to not do anything wrong. ::Faint smirk at her, he said that with a friendly tone::
... ::closes her eyes and chuckles faintly:: Either you know me better than the one from my world did, or he was just very, very good at keeping me in the dark as to how much he knew. ::...and the mun's blinking; that was a light tone, but rather forced toward the end, just a faint trace of bitterness there::
::Looks over at her... small frown, can't really say anything to that since he doesn't know everything:: I like to think that I know you well.
So far, so good. ::faint smile:: ... In Ishbal. ::Looking at her, faint smile:: What about you?
... ::blinks a couple times:: when I was twelve, and he started apprenticing under my father, who was the first Flame Alchemist...
.. Well, that's quite a difference. ::Blinks::
A bit... >_>; so there's likely a couple more surprises in store... but at least we seem to be familiar enough... familiar enough for solid ground and different enough to keep things from being boring? ::slightly timid smile::
::Faint smile at her:: That sounds accurate to me. ::Bringing her her drink::
::reaches out for it, trying to figure out how to phrase something... hesitating, frowning a bit as she chews her lip, taking the drink, thinking::
::Looking at her:: What's on your mind?
Trying to think of how to say something without it sounding as bad as I'm afraid it might because I don't think I'd be phrasing it right.
::Small smile:: I know you won't mean any harm by it. Say what's on your mind, Riza.
... We're not who we knew, but we're who we want- or maybe need- to be with? ::her voice is positively shaking there ::Eyes her, faint smile, reaches out to put his hand on hers:: I think I know what you're saying. I can't say for certain in the fullest regard, but I know that I would like to get to know you better, and I would like to be with you. And I will not throw you away.
... That last part is all I ask of you.
::Squeezes her hand:: That last part is a promise.
::turns her hand in his to grip back::