Being loved for who you are will never, ever satisfy in any lasting, meaningful way...

[in_love_rooted]

...Not to disparage at all our existing friendships grounded in empathy and common interests, I swear. But I’ve been thinking a lot about this idea: To say "I love a person for reasons X, Y, and Z-" is natural, but also a way of setting conditions on love. If X, Y, and Z were taken away, or if I changed, and X, Y, and Z no longer interested,

Comments

[maeuschen]

This reminds me strongly of Lewis' The Four Loves, which reminds us that English plays us a poor trick by bundling unrelated concepts into the word 'Love'. Old translations try to use 'charity' for ἀγάπη (Agape), but that word makes us think of donating clothes to Goodwill or a check to the Red Cross. The verb 'cherish' retains some of the old meaning, but that leads us into the impossible. For am I not supposed to cherish God with all my heart, mind, and strength? And to cherish my neighbor as myself? (I checked the Greek: These versus are both forms of Agape.) To love one's neighbor sounds do-able, but to cherish? I am wholly unable in myself to look at the person in the car next to me on the highway and to think, "I cherish you

[in_love_rooted]

I've long suspected there's not an original thought in my head -- but that's ok, I guess. :) I read The Four Loves several times through college and my early 20's, but haven't picked it up in years; it makes sense that my carefully developed thoughts on love were actually planted by Lewis. The past few years I've thought a lot about the nature of friendship -- I don't cultivate friendship well, because I'm passive, and insecure, and other things. I've been in church communities where people are very kind to me, unbelievably kind, in fact, and generous, and loving, and nurturing...but I still feel left out of the more intimate loops. I've longed for friendships of the kind where you call each other every day, that sort of thing. And I wanted to be liked for who I am. I definitely think we're all meant to have some of those, but I'm beginning to value the grace-based relationships I described above. Maybe these ask "Cherish me AS I become --" because they are grounded in an assumption, an expectation, of change. I want to be liked,

[maeuschen]

What has been will be again,
what has been done will be done again;
there is nothing new under the sun. [Ecclesiastes 1:9]
Building friendships at church? I understand completely. It seems like church, where people share the same values, ought to be fertile ground for friendship; but I find the opposite to be true. We often become acquainted; we rarely opt for anything deeper. I've tried to be a little more proactive about this, y'know? Invite people over for dinner; that kind of thing. But I think there is resistance. Or maybe I'm just going about this wrong. I don't know