you are my sweetest downfall (i loved you first, i loved you first)
Title: you are my sweetest downfall (i loved you first, i loved you first)
Rating/Word Count: pg-13/ 606
One Line Summary: But there's a tiny part of her that somehow thinks, we could work.
Notes: I clearly... I didn't realize I felt this way until this was written. -_-
….
Here's something she never tells anyone:
She gave him her heart a really really long time ago.
She was just a child then, really.
…
He is the first boy she ever kisses for real.
Later, when he fucks her over.
(and over and over, it's his specialty really)
She decides that love doesn't exist.
…
He's her first taste of anything on that forever spectrum.
He's not hers.
(because they were never really anything)
He shoves her into a corner once and tears her heart from her chest.
Blood drips out of her and stains the white carpet red.
She spends the rest of the night trying to scrub it clean (all the while still bleeding)
Ironic, isn't it?
The stain that never get's clean.
….
He's really a broken boy and she understands because she's broken too.
I need someone to love me. He tells her.
Maybe we could love each other...
(it's really the secret she never says out loud)
You'll get it.
-She says instead.
(love me. love me. love me.)
…
He wants to fuck her.
Which in her mind is code for: you're beautiful.
She examines herself in the mirror.
Horrid complexion and love handles galore.
She sobs, grabs a tube of lipstick from her vanity and scribes all the things she thinks about herself in smeared red mess.
(you don't want me. You don't want me. You don't want me.)
She explains the fairytale she somehow still seems to think she deserves.
Rose Petals. Candles. Pretty Music. I love you so much.
He explains to her that love and sex are two totally different things.
Not for me.
All the while she tries to figure out what she is to him.
…
She hates him ninety percent of the time.
Deep down in the core of her being.
He's an asshole and he lashes out at her when he can't lash out on himself.
But there's a tiny part of her that somehow thinks, we could work.
It's not true: but loneliness is gonna kill her one of these days.
And so she let's it.
….
He pushes her away all the time.
But she gets him.
Once, she tells him: We're cut from the same thread you and I.
I think you're right doll.
She continues to be a doormat because she's weak.
…
She never gives into the sex because she can't.
I just want it to be special.
I want you to love me first.
…
He never really loves her.
(and love is nothing really. Just people trying to stick to someone else so they don't have to hear the echo of their own lonely heart)
She cuts away the piece of her that loves him and gives it to him.
She can't keep it anymore.
She can't keep doing this.
And so she loses another perfectly good piece of herself to some boy who doesn't even care.
…
I care about you.
-He says.
She smiles so big, her face might just crack in two.
I'll always be here.
…
He falls in love with someone beautiful.
And she gets nothing because she's anything but.
…..
Rewind. Go Back. Re-do.
She's fourteen and naïve and he's supposed to be a nice guy.
She kisses him, closed mouth, his hands in her shirt.
This is.....
She opens her eyes and the world is silent.
…
Rewind. Go Back. Re-do.
Do you wanna go to the movies?
(yes) no. no. no. no.
….
Fast-forward:
Sixteen years old.
He's the only taste of anything she's ever had.
(and she can't figure out why)
fin.
Rating/Word Count: pg-13/ 606
One Line Summary: But there's a tiny part of her that somehow thinks, we could work.
Notes: I clearly... I didn't realize I felt this way until this was written. -_-
….
Here's something she never tells anyone:
She gave him her heart a really really long time ago.
She was just a child then, really.
…
He is the first boy she ever kisses for real.
Later, when he fucks her over.
(and over and over, it's his specialty really)
She decides that love doesn't exist.
…
He's her first taste of anything on that forever spectrum.
He's not hers.
(because they were never really anything)
He shoves her into a corner once and tears her heart from her chest.
Blood drips out of her and stains the white carpet red.
She spends the rest of the night trying to scrub it clean (all the while still bleeding)
Ironic, isn't it?
The stain that never get's clean.
….
He's really a broken boy and she understands because she's broken too.
I need someone to love me. He tells her.
Maybe we could love each other...
(it's really the secret she never says out loud)
You'll get it.
-She says instead.
(love me. love me. love me.)
…
He wants to fuck her.
Which in her mind is code for: you're beautiful.
She examines herself in the mirror.
Horrid complexion and love handles galore.
She sobs, grabs a tube of lipstick from her vanity and scribes all the things she thinks about herself in smeared red mess.
(you don't want me. You don't want me. You don't want me.)
She explains the fairytale she somehow still seems to think she deserves.
Rose Petals. Candles. Pretty Music. I love you so much.
He explains to her that love and sex are two totally different things.
Not for me.
All the while she tries to figure out what she is to him.
…
She hates him ninety percent of the time.
Deep down in the core of her being.
He's an asshole and he lashes out at her when he can't lash out on himself.
But there's a tiny part of her that somehow thinks, we could work.
It's not true: but loneliness is gonna kill her one of these days.
And so she let's it.
….
He pushes her away all the time.
But she gets him.
Once, she tells him: We're cut from the same thread you and I.
I think you're right doll.
She continues to be a doormat because she's weak.
…
She never gives into the sex because she can't.
I just want it to be special.
I want you to love me first.
…
He never really loves her.
(and love is nothing really. Just people trying to stick to someone else so they don't have to hear the echo of their own lonely heart)
She cuts away the piece of her that loves him and gives it to him.
She can't keep it anymore.
She can't keep doing this.
And so she loses another perfectly good piece of herself to some boy who doesn't even care.
…
I care about you.
-He says.
She smiles so big, her face might just crack in two.
I'll always be here.
…
He falls in love with someone beautiful.
And she gets nothing because she's anything but.
…..
Rewind. Go Back. Re-do.
She's fourteen and naïve and he's supposed to be a nice guy.
She kisses him, closed mouth, his hands in her shirt.
This is.....
She opens her eyes and the world is silent.
…
Rewind. Go Back. Re-do.
Do you wanna go to the movies?
(yes) no. no. no. no.
….
Fast-forward:
Sixteen years old.
He's the only taste of anything she's ever had.
(and she can't figure out why)
fin.