killing flists everywhere!
here are some fics i had stored on my computer. people can read these if they want, they're just stupid and will not be posted to any communities. they are sub-par, and that is why they are just for stupid reading. both were written months ago.
The beard is gone.
John isn’t sure why he’d grown it, has even less of an idea why he gets rid of it, but when it’s finally gone and he’s staring at the mirror over the sink of Shaun and Will’s bathroom, he can hear Vinnie cussing, the sound of something hitting the floor and another few somethings spilling all over the floor.
He also hears, “My popcorn!”
He shoots one last glance into the mirror, eyeing the space where the beard once was and nodding at the stubble that is left over and agreeing that he’s okay with it, he walks the two rooms into the kitchen.
Both Vinnie and Shaun are on the floor, scooping popcorn into a bowl, and John says, “I got rid of the beard.”
“So that’s what you were doing,” Shaun responds without looking up. When all the popcorn near him is back into the bowl, he stares at the kernels, as if trying to figure out if there was one he could still eat. He finally pushes up the bridge of his glasses, sighs, and looks up at John.
His smile is quick. “Looking sharp,” he compliments. John beams.
Vinnie gapes at him.
John turns his head and stares back at him, beginning to awkwardly pick at a scab on his elbow. Vinnie finally composes himself and says, “Fuck.”
John’s beard is gone and suddenly, John knows that he is inexplicably attractive.
**
Actually, the visit to Jesse and Brian’s apartment is warranted because Jesse had made plans to hang out with John but apparently ‘napped through them’.
John calls him out on it, hissing, “You just napped?”
“Epic nap,” Jesse replies right away.
John hangs up on him and decides to drive over to Jesse’s shoddy little apartment. When he finally gets there, he can’t distinguish which window shows the inside of Jesse’s apartment. He buzzes himself up and over the intercom, Jesse sounds pissed. He always does, it’s just the way the crappy electronic box distorts his voice.
When John knocks at the door, he automatically rubs his hand at the absence of beard, for good luck. It’s become almost a nervous tick.
Jesse answers it after a moment, and the first thing that John notices is that his crazy eye is slightly unfocused. John smiles and Jesse blinks. “Hi, you asshole,” John rubs at the lack of beard again.
“You’re the asshole who moved to Kansas.”
John lets himself in and once they’re inside, Jesse says, “holy shit.”
**
They’re at some get-together-party-event at Shaun’s place, and of course they just end up drinking. At one point, John is just staring at the ceiling, finding it fascinating at that particular moment. Then, a moment later, Vinnie scoots from his spot on the couch to a spot on John’s tiny lap.
John is slow to react. “Hi,” he says.
“Hey,” Vinnie breathes and squirms and fidgets until he’s facing John. “Wanna make out?” he asks.
John shrugs. “I don’t see why not.”
**
At that same party, Kevin is singing some karaoke and Jesse isn’t watching with his usual intensity, because he keeps on breaking his focus to peek back at John, who’d just finished making out with Vinnie. John waves finally, half-listening to Kevin, who is part of the way through some Beatles song, and Jesse briefly looks like he has no idea what John is doing. John waves again and Jesse waves back finally.
And seriously, John is glad that Vinnie goes off to bug Brian about some basketball game they’ve been arguing over for weeks, because the spot next to him is free and he’s not being offered sexual favors anymore and, obstinately, being made fun of. When Kevin stops his set and taps Shaun’s microphone and begins telling a story to Will, who isn’t drunk, Jesse slinks over to the couch and sits next to John.
John thinks this is awesome. “I’ve heard this one before,” he states.
“Me too,” Jesse looks ahead for a moment, then at the plastic cup filled with beer in his hand. He says, mostly to the cup, “So, I heard what happened with Andy and you.”
John stares at him before flushing. “Oh.”
Jesse looks up at him and furrows his brow. He looks just about ready to complain about something else, but then Kevin starts on another song, putting down the microphone that was never plugged in and picking up his guitar.
“Why’d you move to Kansas?” Jesse has to lean close so John hears him and he pinches John’s arm, painfully.
John cries, “Ow! I don’t know!”
“Happy fucking belated birthday,” Jesse adds and gets off the couch. That night, John somehow ends up sleeping with Vinnie, who comes back after losing the argument, apparently. He claimed to need comforting and help with the removal of clothing. John assisted with both.
**
John thinks Jesse is angry with him.
He wonders if he gets this idea when Jesse sends him a very angry text message the next morning. “Stop being a slut,” it says, without any capitalization or punctuation. John rolls his eyes and places his head on the table of Shaun’s kitchen. Everybody’s out buying groceries or having lives. Except Jesse, it appears, who wants to terrorize him via text.
Besides, John isn’t being a slut. He’s finally getting some, and it’s totally awesome. And it’s not like Jesse hasn’t slept with everybody at one point - well, actually.
John’s not sure if Jesse’s actually slept with anybody recently, considering the way he’s been shredding the wrappers off of water bottles and chewing his nails. John knows the symptoms of a sex drought, especially with Jesse because Jesse is one of the more dramatic people he knows.
John pulls his head off the table and picks up his Gameboy, tries to play through a few levels of Mario, but ultimately gives up and texts Jesse back, “come to Shaun’s place. I’m bored.”
Jesse replies a moment later: “No.”
John stares at the two letters in disbelief, before angrily texting: “Another epic nap?”
“Fuck you,” he gets a moment later. “Fine, I’ll be there in five.”
Jesse’s actually there in twenty minutes, eyes red around the edges like he hasn’t slept. He doesn’t know it, but before he came, John had made sure he was at least somewhat shaven. For good luck. He takes a seat at the table, across from John, and picks up the video game. “You can’t beat this level? You suck,” he greets.
“Shut up,” John whines lightheartedly, kicking Jesse.
Jesse puts the game down and looks at John, frowning.
“What?” John asks.
Jesse stares off into the distance before saying, “I don’t like you being in Kansas.”
“I’m not right now,” John remarks, confused.
Jesse glowers at him briefly and kicks him back. “Kansas sucks,” he drums his fingers on the table. “Listen, John, I know you’re all cool now that you’re back in New York and shaven. And I know people think you’re some sort of great person.”
“What, I’m not?” John asks, half-serious.
“No, you’re not,” Jesse says coolly, always sounding much crueler when interrupted. “You should get the monster beard back.”
John blinks because it seems like the statement came out of nowhere. Knowing Jesse, it very well might have. “…What?” he asks again, brow furrowed.
Jesse picks up the Gameboy again, staring at it intently. “I liked it.”
“Me too,” John says, still not really getting anywhere. He’s starting to get a little agitated, actually, so he snatches the game away. A moment later, though, he is saying, “Sorry, had a bit too much coffee.”
The laugh that Jesse emits isn’t terribly amused. “I’m just saying… I miss you.”
John smiles and puts the Gameboy down.
**
John doesn’t know why Jesse doesn’t say nice things more often.
That evening, he sleeps with Jesse.
**
“Seriously,” Jesse says, buttoning a particularly heinous flannel shirt. “The beard, you need it.”
John is still lying in the bed, and he’s a little to out of it to be coherent. “Uh huh,” he drones.
Jesse stands at the foot of Shaun’s guest bed - where, John, of course has been sleeping the past few nights, and nods his head thoughtfully. “I mean it. It was glorious.”
“No, it wasn’t,” John says lazily, pulling his covers up higher.
“It was,” Jesse says, with an air of magic. “Glorious.”
**
The thing is: John got more sex than ever when he finally got rid of the beard. It was if people finally realized what he’d known for years - he was an awesome guy. He doesn’t see why he’d want the monster beard back.
But Jesse likes it, so a few weeks later, it is back.
John is finally heading back to Kansas, his stay in New York having been far too extended. Jesse is the one that drives him to the airport, and when John has his suitcase already on the sidewalk, right before he enters La Guardia, Jesse suddenly pulls him into a tight hug and says, “I want to move to Kansas.”
see? this... i don't even know. the beard comes back, even.
Kevin didn’t want to call bullshit because Jesse always got bereft - goddamn dictionary definition bereft - when he did. But, seriously, it sounded like bullshit.
“Seriously,” Jesse insisted. “I fucking revived a dead guy.” His face was serious, intense - his eyes were wide because he was telling this dark secret and his posture, his little frame, had him leaning forwards, basically onto Kevin’s lap.
“…bearded lady, seriously,” was the noise billowing in from the front seat, the driver’s section, where Vinnie and their tour manager are discussing something that was suspiciously seeming like John Nolan.
“The dead,” Jesse repeated dramatically. He sounded very absolute.
So absolute that Kevin just blinked and said, “Sure.” See, Kevin might believe him, but Jesse was just a medical form away from being genuinely retarded. Jesse grinned when he heard him agree.
Kevin still got shoved in the arm by Jesse, even though a particularly idiotic and pleased grin was on Jesse’s face. And it was cute, sure, but being hit hurt. Kevin could only tolerate so much. He shifted around on his car seat, and, really - “I mean it.” He said, not even feigning dignity. “Sure.”
“You don’t,” Jesse was still grinning and he hit Kevin’s arm again.
There was something about the glint in Jesse’s eyes, or maybe it was Kevin’s extremely low threshold for pain, but Kevin suddenly got the air of truth.
It still sounded totally make-believe, though, but Kevin found the words, “Seriously?” coming out of his mouth.
**
Seriously.
Jesse was in upstate New York, maybe near Edgemont, which isn’t extremely upstate, but that’s how he told it. He told Kevin about being in the woods - really, he was in the woods, though it was a pretty small chunk of woods, but Kevin imagined wide, deep forest.
The story went on like this:
Jesse suddenly just got this sign - a portend - and he just knew, somehow, that he should keep on walking even though he left the beer in the car and he was pretty sure he smelled skunk. So he kept on walking, and suddenly.
Jesse had stopped talking abruptly, eyes going impossibly wide.
He saw a corpse, just laying there. The guy had a likeness to Mozart. Kevin didn’t believe that part, but he nodded his head - it’s because when he imagined Mozart, he thought powdered wig, which he doubted.
Actually, Jesse had seen a portrait of Mozart. He knew what he was talking about.
So there was a cadaver, a human cadaver. Jesse knew it was dead, because he strolled up to the body and leaned down next to it. Dead looked dead, not asleep. He didn’t think for a second that this guy was asleep, but he checked the pulse. Nothing.
At that point he paused again, because Vinnie had asked if either of them had seen his copy of Golden Eye, which neither of them had. Kevin, at that point, figured that even if the story was a complete and utter lie, Jesse told it pretty well.
The guy was so dead. Jesse suddenly knew, in the same way he’d just sensed the body, that if he positioned his hands so, on the guy’s chest - like he was praying, he’d say, he knew some divine power was within him. It was like the story from Lent. Suddenly, the guy was looking at him.
Jesse had been frowning at that point in the story, suddenly darkening. The guy’s eyes never closed, actually. He was lying there, eyes open, alone, dead. It was disturbing.
But the guy looked at him. Alive. And he looked just as confused as Jesse. He hadn’t started rotting yet, but Jesse knew this guy had been dead. This was a cause of confusion.
The guy even said, “This is strange.” Jesse agreed, of course, because he’d just been the one touched by a heavenly force. Jesse Lacey had brought a man out from the palm of death.
Actually, Jesse got his business card, offered him a beer, but when the guy just shook his head, the guy said, “I have to call my wife.”
The whole situation was extremely biblical.
**
“What a good ending,” Kevin said; showing impressive neutrality, even though there was a hint of a joking smile on his face. The neutrality was a skill he’d perfected to be able to hang around with Jesse for periods lasting over an hour.
Jesse demanded defensively, “What would you do?” He hit Kevin again; Kevin who just recoiled and stared at him, eyes narrowing as he soundlessly winced. “You didn’t bring the asshole back from death.”
“Stop hitting me, Jesus,” Kevin whined, scooting away from Jesse, because he wasn’t dumb and wouldn’t just sit there and take the abuse.
Leaning back, satisfied, Jesse turned towards the window to stare out, watching Miami disappear behind them. Like an afterthought, though, he turned towards Kevin and mumbled, “It actually happened.”
Kevin hoped it wasn’t pathetic, but somehow he believed Jesse.
i also have the start of a genderswap, part of a sailors au, the start of the cat fic, and... i think that's it. i will post any of these if asked, i'm lazy.
The beard is gone.
John isn’t sure why he’d grown it, has even less of an idea why he gets rid of it, but when it’s finally gone and he’s staring at the mirror over the sink of Shaun and Will’s bathroom, he can hear Vinnie cussing, the sound of something hitting the floor and another few somethings spilling all over the floor.
He also hears, “My popcorn!”
He shoots one last glance into the mirror, eyeing the space where the beard once was and nodding at the stubble that is left over and agreeing that he’s okay with it, he walks the two rooms into the kitchen.
Both Vinnie and Shaun are on the floor, scooping popcorn into a bowl, and John says, “I got rid of the beard.”
“So that’s what you were doing,” Shaun responds without looking up. When all the popcorn near him is back into the bowl, he stares at the kernels, as if trying to figure out if there was one he could still eat. He finally pushes up the bridge of his glasses, sighs, and looks up at John.
His smile is quick. “Looking sharp,” he compliments. John beams.
Vinnie gapes at him.
John turns his head and stares back at him, beginning to awkwardly pick at a scab on his elbow. Vinnie finally composes himself and says, “Fuck.”
John’s beard is gone and suddenly, John knows that he is inexplicably attractive.
**
Actually, the visit to Jesse and Brian’s apartment is warranted because Jesse had made plans to hang out with John but apparently ‘napped through them’.
John calls him out on it, hissing, “You just napped?”
“Epic nap,” Jesse replies right away.
John hangs up on him and decides to drive over to Jesse’s shoddy little apartment. When he finally gets there, he can’t distinguish which window shows the inside of Jesse’s apartment. He buzzes himself up and over the intercom, Jesse sounds pissed. He always does, it’s just the way the crappy electronic box distorts his voice.
When John knocks at the door, he automatically rubs his hand at the absence of beard, for good luck. It’s become almost a nervous tick.
Jesse answers it after a moment, and the first thing that John notices is that his crazy eye is slightly unfocused. John smiles and Jesse blinks. “Hi, you asshole,” John rubs at the lack of beard again.
“You’re the asshole who moved to Kansas.”
John lets himself in and once they’re inside, Jesse says, “holy shit.”
**
They’re at some get-together-party-event at Shaun’s place, and of course they just end up drinking. At one point, John is just staring at the ceiling, finding it fascinating at that particular moment. Then, a moment later, Vinnie scoots from his spot on the couch to a spot on John’s tiny lap.
John is slow to react. “Hi,” he says.
“Hey,” Vinnie breathes and squirms and fidgets until he’s facing John. “Wanna make out?” he asks.
John shrugs. “I don’t see why not.”
**
At that same party, Kevin is singing some karaoke and Jesse isn’t watching with his usual intensity, because he keeps on breaking his focus to peek back at John, who’d just finished making out with Vinnie. John waves finally, half-listening to Kevin, who is part of the way through some Beatles song, and Jesse briefly looks like he has no idea what John is doing. John waves again and Jesse waves back finally.
And seriously, John is glad that Vinnie goes off to bug Brian about some basketball game they’ve been arguing over for weeks, because the spot next to him is free and he’s not being offered sexual favors anymore and, obstinately, being made fun of. When Kevin stops his set and taps Shaun’s microphone and begins telling a story to Will, who isn’t drunk, Jesse slinks over to the couch and sits next to John.
John thinks this is awesome. “I’ve heard this one before,” he states.
“Me too,” Jesse looks ahead for a moment, then at the plastic cup filled with beer in his hand. He says, mostly to the cup, “So, I heard what happened with Andy and you.”
John stares at him before flushing. “Oh.”
Jesse looks up at him and furrows his brow. He looks just about ready to complain about something else, but then Kevin starts on another song, putting down the microphone that was never plugged in and picking up his guitar.
“Why’d you move to Kansas?” Jesse has to lean close so John hears him and he pinches John’s arm, painfully.
John cries, “Ow! I don’t know!”
“Happy fucking belated birthday,” Jesse adds and gets off the couch. That night, John somehow ends up sleeping with Vinnie, who comes back after losing the argument, apparently. He claimed to need comforting and help with the removal of clothing. John assisted with both.
**
John thinks Jesse is angry with him.
He wonders if he gets this idea when Jesse sends him a very angry text message the next morning. “Stop being a slut,” it says, without any capitalization or punctuation. John rolls his eyes and places his head on the table of Shaun’s kitchen. Everybody’s out buying groceries or having lives. Except Jesse, it appears, who wants to terrorize him via text.
Besides, John isn’t being a slut. He’s finally getting some, and it’s totally awesome. And it’s not like Jesse hasn’t slept with everybody at one point - well, actually.
John’s not sure if Jesse’s actually slept with anybody recently, considering the way he’s been shredding the wrappers off of water bottles and chewing his nails. John knows the symptoms of a sex drought, especially with Jesse because Jesse is one of the more dramatic people he knows.
John pulls his head off the table and picks up his Gameboy, tries to play through a few levels of Mario, but ultimately gives up and texts Jesse back, “come to Shaun’s place. I’m bored.”
Jesse replies a moment later: “No.”
John stares at the two letters in disbelief, before angrily texting: “Another epic nap?”
“Fuck you,” he gets a moment later. “Fine, I’ll be there in five.”
Jesse’s actually there in twenty minutes, eyes red around the edges like he hasn’t slept. He doesn’t know it, but before he came, John had made sure he was at least somewhat shaven. For good luck. He takes a seat at the table, across from John, and picks up the video game. “You can’t beat this level? You suck,” he greets.
“Shut up,” John whines lightheartedly, kicking Jesse.
Jesse puts the game down and looks at John, frowning.
“What?” John asks.
Jesse stares off into the distance before saying, “I don’t like you being in Kansas.”
“I’m not right now,” John remarks, confused.
Jesse glowers at him briefly and kicks him back. “Kansas sucks,” he drums his fingers on the table. “Listen, John, I know you’re all cool now that you’re back in New York and shaven. And I know people think you’re some sort of great person.”
“What, I’m not?” John asks, half-serious.
“No, you’re not,” Jesse says coolly, always sounding much crueler when interrupted. “You should get the monster beard back.”
John blinks because it seems like the statement came out of nowhere. Knowing Jesse, it very well might have. “…What?” he asks again, brow furrowed.
Jesse picks up the Gameboy again, staring at it intently. “I liked it.”
“Me too,” John says, still not really getting anywhere. He’s starting to get a little agitated, actually, so he snatches the game away. A moment later, though, he is saying, “Sorry, had a bit too much coffee.”
The laugh that Jesse emits isn’t terribly amused. “I’m just saying… I miss you.”
John smiles and puts the Gameboy down.
**
John doesn’t know why Jesse doesn’t say nice things more often.
That evening, he sleeps with Jesse.
**
“Seriously,” Jesse says, buttoning a particularly heinous flannel shirt. “The beard, you need it.”
John is still lying in the bed, and he’s a little to out of it to be coherent. “Uh huh,” he drones.
Jesse stands at the foot of Shaun’s guest bed - where, John, of course has been sleeping the past few nights, and nods his head thoughtfully. “I mean it. It was glorious.”
“No, it wasn’t,” John says lazily, pulling his covers up higher.
“It was,” Jesse says, with an air of magic. “Glorious.”
**
The thing is: John got more sex than ever when he finally got rid of the beard. It was if people finally realized what he’d known for years - he was an awesome guy. He doesn’t see why he’d want the monster beard back.
But Jesse likes it, so a few weeks later, it is back.
John is finally heading back to Kansas, his stay in New York having been far too extended. Jesse is the one that drives him to the airport, and when John has his suitcase already on the sidewalk, right before he enters La Guardia, Jesse suddenly pulls him into a tight hug and says, “I want to move to Kansas.”
see? this... i don't even know. the beard comes back, even.
Kevin didn’t want to call bullshit because Jesse always got bereft - goddamn dictionary definition bereft - when he did. But, seriously, it sounded like bullshit.
“Seriously,” Jesse insisted. “I fucking revived a dead guy.” His face was serious, intense - his eyes were wide because he was telling this dark secret and his posture, his little frame, had him leaning forwards, basically onto Kevin’s lap.
“…bearded lady, seriously,” was the noise billowing in from the front seat, the driver’s section, where Vinnie and their tour manager are discussing something that was suspiciously seeming like John Nolan.
“The dead,” Jesse repeated dramatically. He sounded very absolute.
So absolute that Kevin just blinked and said, “Sure.” See, Kevin might believe him, but Jesse was just a medical form away from being genuinely retarded. Jesse grinned when he heard him agree.
Kevin still got shoved in the arm by Jesse, even though a particularly idiotic and pleased grin was on Jesse’s face. And it was cute, sure, but being hit hurt. Kevin could only tolerate so much. He shifted around on his car seat, and, really - “I mean it.” He said, not even feigning dignity. “Sure.”
“You don’t,” Jesse was still grinning and he hit Kevin’s arm again.
There was something about the glint in Jesse’s eyes, or maybe it was Kevin’s extremely low threshold for pain, but Kevin suddenly got the air of truth.
It still sounded totally make-believe, though, but Kevin found the words, “Seriously?” coming out of his mouth.
**
Seriously.
Jesse was in upstate New York, maybe near Edgemont, which isn’t extremely upstate, but that’s how he told it. He told Kevin about being in the woods - really, he was in the woods, though it was a pretty small chunk of woods, but Kevin imagined wide, deep forest.
The story went on like this:
Jesse suddenly just got this sign - a portend - and he just knew, somehow, that he should keep on walking even though he left the beer in the car and he was pretty sure he smelled skunk. So he kept on walking, and suddenly.
Jesse had stopped talking abruptly, eyes going impossibly wide.
He saw a corpse, just laying there. The guy had a likeness to Mozart. Kevin didn’t believe that part, but he nodded his head - it’s because when he imagined Mozart, he thought powdered wig, which he doubted.
Actually, Jesse had seen a portrait of Mozart. He knew what he was talking about.
So there was a cadaver, a human cadaver. Jesse knew it was dead, because he strolled up to the body and leaned down next to it. Dead looked dead, not asleep. He didn’t think for a second that this guy was asleep, but he checked the pulse. Nothing.
At that point he paused again, because Vinnie had asked if either of them had seen his copy of Golden Eye, which neither of them had. Kevin, at that point, figured that even if the story was a complete and utter lie, Jesse told it pretty well.
The guy was so dead. Jesse suddenly knew, in the same way he’d just sensed the body, that if he positioned his hands so, on the guy’s chest - like he was praying, he’d say, he knew some divine power was within him. It was like the story from Lent. Suddenly, the guy was looking at him.
Jesse had been frowning at that point in the story, suddenly darkening. The guy’s eyes never closed, actually. He was lying there, eyes open, alone, dead. It was disturbing.
But the guy looked at him. Alive. And he looked just as confused as Jesse. He hadn’t started rotting yet, but Jesse knew this guy had been dead. This was a cause of confusion.
The guy even said, “This is strange.” Jesse agreed, of course, because he’d just been the one touched by a heavenly force. Jesse Lacey had brought a man out from the palm of death.
Actually, Jesse got his business card, offered him a beer, but when the guy just shook his head, the guy said, “I have to call my wife.”
The whole situation was extremely biblical.
**
“What a good ending,” Kevin said; showing impressive neutrality, even though there was a hint of a joking smile on his face. The neutrality was a skill he’d perfected to be able to hang around with Jesse for periods lasting over an hour.
Jesse demanded defensively, “What would you do?” He hit Kevin again; Kevin who just recoiled and stared at him, eyes narrowing as he soundlessly winced. “You didn’t bring the asshole back from death.”
“Stop hitting me, Jesus,” Kevin whined, scooting away from Jesse, because he wasn’t dumb and wouldn’t just sit there and take the abuse.
Leaning back, satisfied, Jesse turned towards the window to stare out, watching Miami disappear behind them. Like an afterthought, though, he turned towards Kevin and mumbled, “It actually happened.”
Kevin hoped it wasn’t pathetic, but somehow he believed Jesse.
i also have the start of a genderswap, part of a sailors au, the start of the cat fic, and... i think that's it. i will post any of these if asked, i'm lazy.