A Secret Love Chapter 1
A Secret Love: Chapter 1
Left Behind
As Ginny stepped onto the train, she turned and waved good-bye to her mother. For once, her mother was the only other Weasley in attendance. The tears flowed freely down her face as she called out her usual last minute instructions to her youngest child who was attending her final year at Hogwarts. Ginny made her way to the front of the train to sit with the other prefects. From her window seat she continued to wave at her mother as Kings Cross station faded from view.
The prefects held their brief meeting, welcoming the new members to their ranks and honouring the new head boy and head girl. As soon as everyone had been introduced several of the prefects left the cabin to go sit with their friends. Ginny was one of the few who remained. She supposed she could track down Luna and sit with her, but without Ron and Hermione and... Harry, it just wouldn’t have been the same. Ginny stared out at the passing scenery and proceeded to wallow in her sadness and loneliness.
After the death of Sirius, at the end of Ginny’s fourth year, Harry had become withdrawn and isolated. He’d spent very little time at his aunt and uncle’s that summer. As soon as they could, the Weasleys and Hermione had rescued him from Privet Drive. The Burrow was much too dangerous for Harry so they had all spent the remainder of the summer at the Headquarters for the Order of the Phoenix. There was no sneaking around to gather information this time as the members had stopped trying to hide information from Harry and his friends. It had become apparent that keeping secrets from him, even for his own good, was more dangerous than telling him the truth.
Over the course of his sixth and then seventh year at Hogwarts, Harry had become more serious about his studies. Each day he lived without confronting Voldemort was another day to prepare for the inevitable: kill Voldemort or be killed by Voldemort. This meant that school wasn’t just school anymore. It was a reprieve; a safe place to garner as much knowledge and experience as he could away from potential attacks from Voldemort and his Death Eaters. If the world had been different, perhaps Ron wouldn’t have managed top marks on his N.E.W.T.s, maybe Hermione would have continued her studies and become a professional student and maybe Harry would have gone on to do something delightfully frivolous like play professional Quidditch. But as the Dark Lord continued to gain more power, Ron, Hermione and Harry had all worked incredibly hard to earn top marks and each had been accepted for Auror training.
Ginny had been there every step of the way since Sirius’ death, along with Ron and Hermione, trying to help Harry with his preparations. It was becoming painfully obvious, however, that in the end it would be up to Harry and Harry alone to defeat Voldemort. This long lonely ride to Hogwarts by herself served only to emphasize how little Ginny, or any of them really, could do to help him with the most difficult trial of his life.
If the world had been different, Harry would have been free to fall in love with Ginny without reservations, but as things stood, Ginny was headed on to Hogwarts for her seventh year and Harry was off to become an Auror. No one would ever know what had transpired between them. Ginny would not allow herself to be used as a pawn to hurt Harry. Harry was even more adamant that she not be hurt simply because he cared about her.
As the train drew closer to Hogwarts, Ginny went through the motions of getting ready for the new school year. She donned her school robes and chatted gaily with her friends and fellow prefects. If anyone noticed that her heart wasn’t in it, they didn’t say anything. The whole of the wizarding world was more than a little subdued as it was now impossible to pretend that everything was right with the world. It was possible that no one really had much heart for frivolity. The train came to a juddering stop and after helping Hagrid with the First years, Ginny pulled herself up into one of the thestral-drawn carriages and rode up to the castle. While she knew they were there, she supposed she could be thankful that the deathly steeds were still invisible to her.
The Sorting Ceremony and Opening Feast were a blur to Ginny. It was hard for her to accept that, even without her brothers and her friends, Hogwarts would continue on as normal, with all its traditions intact. While in her mind she understood that Hogwarts had existed centuries before them, and would most likely continue to exist centuries after their deaths, what was in her heart was another matter. Ginny realized that she was feeling left behind. It wasn’t, after all, an unfamiliar feeling, but this time it hurt just a little more; the feeling of abandonement just a little sharper. While everyone else was moving on and doing something to aid in the fight against Voldemort, Ginny was stuck at Hogwarts for another year.
Ginny didn’t hang around the common room of Gryffindor tower any longer than necessary and went to bed early. She’d been very tired lately and had grown moody. Her mother had commented once or twice on how much Ginny had been sleeping, but she’d never pressed the issue. The tension in the Weasley family was palpable and Ginny’s symptoms of depression were quite understandable. Despite offers from other departments, he dad had maintained his position in Muggle Relations at the Ministry. His work was becoming increasingly more dangerous as the Ministry worked to protect the Muggles from Voldemort. Also, as an active member of the Order of the Phoenix, his potential as a target for Death Eaters was very real. And Charlie... he’d been killed while serving the Order. They’d all taken his death very hard. Percy’s continued estrangement from the family was taking its toll on her as well. That Ginny hadn’t been feeling well for the last few weeks hadn’t been surprising, but it had worried her mother all the same.
As she drifted off to sleep, Ginny allowed herself the painful luxury of remembering Harry’s last night before leaving for training.
Dinner had been a long and painful affair. While they had suspected for it for several days, an owl arrived that morning confirming Charlie’s death. Worry and dread had been replaced with an awful feeling of loss. No one had felt much like eating that night and even less like talking. Until that evening, her Mum had been able to maintain a façade of being able to protect her children, but now it was being cruelly stripped away. She hadn’t been able to keep Charlie from being killed and Ron, Harry and Hermione were set to start Auror training the following day. They were off to place themselves at the frontlines of this war and letting them go willingly was a bitter pill for her to swallow. Ginny found herself wishing they could remain children to be cosseted by her mother’s love because she was having to let them go too. She was headed back to Hogwarts and they were going in the opposite direction.
They all ate silently, each contained in their own grief, but when Ginny’s mum broke down in tears, Ginny and Hermione had started crying as well. Ron attempted to calm his sister and his girlfriend and remain stoic, but tears formed at the corners of his eyes as well. There was no comfort to be found at a dinner table from which too many Weasleys were absent. Ginny cleared away dishes that were still mostly filled with food while everyone drifted away. Her mum had gone to the front room to wait for her father to return from whatever Order business he was out doing. Ron led Hermione up the stairs to a private place where they could comfort each other. Harry had remained silent but Ginny had seen the regret in his eyes. He seemed to take all of Voldemort’s murders personally, as though he should have somehow been able to stop them. Ginny was keenly aware when he finally pushed away from the table and went off to the study.
Harry was deep in his own thoughts, staring at the pieces of a broken mirror, when Ginny sat down beside him. Neither of them spoke for a long time, each content to take silent solace at the other’s presence. Harry eventually sighed and his arm slipped slowly around Ginny’s waist. Leaning into his comforting embrace, she whispered, “Happy Birthday, Harry.”
Harry gave a wry laugh. “I’d forgotten.”
“I know, but I didn’t,” Ginny said softly
Harry bent his head down and pressed his lips briefly to Ginny’s. “It would be all to easy to let myself care about you, Ginny.” Sighing, he closed his eyes and buried his face in her hair. Tightening his embrace he rasped, “It’s not worth the risk. My loving you could kill you.” He started to push her away, but Ginny pulled him closer.
“Loving you and being loved by you IS worth the risk,” she cried.
...Ginny sprung up suddenly and found herself sitting in her bed at Hogwarts. She swiped her fingers at the tears running down her face and ruthlessly quashed the rest of the memory. What happened the night of Harry’s 18th birthday simply had to be forgotten, pushed to the back of her mind. Remembering would only bring her pain.
A/N: Many thanks to Ashwinder and Magical Maeve who do me the honor of beta reading this fic.
Disclaimer: This is one hell of a sandbox, but I’m afraid Ms. Rowling owns the toys.
ASL 2
Index