fic: amidst shadows and lights 3/3
TWO
THREE
Someone was following her.
The alley was dark and the warm evening air hung in mists around her. Her senses were filled with an intoxicating scent, sweet and pungent like a chain of withering petals left far too long inside an ancient church. Maybe it had been left to hang around the neck of a stone statue or just laid down on the cold marble floor but when she closed her eyes, she could almost see the colours reflected from the stained glass windows, making the brown-edged crimson blooms look beautifully tragic as it approached its inevitable death.
She looked behind her, the darkness becoming thicker as she took another step forward. She had been walking down this road for what felt like hours and it seemed like there was no end in sight.
She had to run. Shadows were friendlier in the daylight, she thought, even as her heart relentlessly pounded. The sound of her feet on the slightly wet road felt like they were screams in the middle of the dark and quiet night. She reached her hands out, trying to find her way towards the pinpoint prick of light and life.
And then, her palms were touching a cold stone wall. She felt her hands close into a fist as the moisture made her blood freeze in her veins. A warm heaviness settled itself on her shoulder and she felt them sag as her brain went haywire. Her skirt was lifted up and she opened her hands, her palms feeling the coldness seep in.
She wanted to look behind her but the smell arrested her senses, so close, as if it was coming from the wall itself. She pressed her cheek closer to the wall, trying to inhale, just wanting to breathe in some more. Her body was cold but the inside of her thigh was warm and it made her mewl like a cat in heat.
Her mind whispered for her to reach out and touch it. So she did, but her hand grasped nothing but emptiness. The slight touch on her cheek distracted her and she moaned again, wanting that warmth to surround her, to get inside her.
It felt like an ancient dance and she revelled in the sensations, not wanting to let it end. The sounds and images of reality started to become more distant and a small part of her wanted to reach out and hold on to it. But the warmth was making it very hard for her. It made her feel that she didn’t need anything else and maybe she didn’t, not when all of her desires and passions were being realized right there in the darkness.
She slowly opened her eyes and found herself looking into the green eyes of a cat which was standing by her feet. Its head was cocked to the side, watching her every movement, taking in every thrust of her hips as she rocked herself into the wall in complete abandon.
She was still looking at the cat when she felt the wind pick up and whip her hair across her face. She did not even flinch, not even when she realized that something silky and soft came in contact with her cheeks before falling slowly by her feet. Not long after, the cat was surrounded by red rose petals, all dancing with the breeze along with the low thrum of buzzing in her ears and the frantic motion of her hips.
She screamed as she finally felt herself coming. It was then that the cat got up with its tail lazily moving in the air back and forth, and licked its paws before laying it gently on her feet. And then just like that, she fell on the pavement, her eyes wide and unseeing, and her hands cold and lifeless.
: : : : :
Adam sat bolt upright in bed, his head still filled with the images from his dream. His heart was beating madly and he could feel the sweat above his upper lip. He scrambled to get the comforter tighter around him, staring blankly at the ceiling as he gasped for breath. The only light in the room came from the lamp on the writing desk and it was not enough to chase the images away. He flailed blindly until he was able to flip the switch on the bedside table, and then the room was bathed in light, making Adam step back into reality.
It was the first time that he had that dream but he knew what he had seen as soon as he saw the image of the red rose petals strewn across the lifeless body. He tried to control his breathing, focusing entirely on the plugged in laptop on top of the desk from across the room. When his heartbeat began to slow down, he forced himself to walk over to the desk and opened the Bell files. He clicked on the folder that was completely about Montgomery Bell's side of the family.
He scrolled through the pictures and their captions, reading carefully and trying to confirm if he recognized the face he saw in his dream correctly. And just as he was about to think that he might have just imagined it, he reached the last page of the document and there she was, smiling, as if taunting him.
Adam quickly closed the document and reached for his phone with trembling hands. Soon after, Allison's voice was on the other line, bathing him with relief.
But Adam couldn’t speak. He just wanted to breathe.
Allison started to say his name repeatedly in panic. Adam shook his head and his voice was raspy when he said, "I saw Charlotte Bell. I watched her die, Allison."
Allison gasped in surprise. "Are you sure?"
"It was her. She was in a dark alley and then there was someone but I couldn't see what or who it was. All I saw were red rose petals and the darkness... and there was a smell, like someone was dying..." Adam recoiled at the memory and he gripped the phone tighter, "and there was a huge cat with green eyes and..."
"A cat?"
"Yes, it was the last thing Charlotte saw before she died."
The fear in Allison’s voice was evident. “Did you see Sylvia Allen?”
“No, I just felt what Charlotte felt and...”
There was silence from Allison's end for a while. When she spoke, her voice was heavy with trepidation. "Adam, are you OK? Because I need you to be OK. I need for you to come back home and put this behind you."
Adam breathed heavily as the concern in Allison's voice got to him. He knew she was right but he thought of Kris and he was more convinced than ever that these things were happening for a reason, that it all led him to Kris.
And he knew that despite everything, it was all going to be worth it in the end.
Allison sounded desperately sad and resigned when she said, "Maybe there are just some things that you're not meant to understand. Didn't you ever think of it that way?"
Adam shook his head and with his voice barely a whisper, he said, "I did. I do. I just refuse to accept that this is one of those."
“Sylvia Allen was accused of killing Charlotte Bell, Adam. Seeing Charlotte’s death means that you have to back off right now and figure out a way to deal with this.” Adam started to say something but Allison raised her voice to cut him off. “Because this thing you’re doing with Kris is definitely not helping.”
Adam closed his eyes tightly. He knew that the dream he just had was that of the original Bell murder, the one which became the precedent for everything that defined the family.
Sylvia Allen married Montgomery Bell shortly after Charlotte Bell’s death. Days before Charlotte’s body was found in the dark alley, witnesses had seen Sylvia’s cat Xander walking around the area. People knew that Xander never left Sylvia’s side - he was even included in Sylvia’s family portraits - and that information somehow progressed into a murder investigation meant to implicate Sylvia.
It was all ruled out as plainly coincidental; after all, it was perfectly normal for cats to stray away from their mistresses. Since then, Sylvia and Montgomery began building their empire, their beautiful family revered and envied.
Charlotte and Montgomery had one daughter, and she quietly disappeared after her mother’s death. It was never known whether Montgomery tried to look for her, and it became a subject discussed as an afterthought when talking about the Bell family history.
But the mystery of Charlotte’s death still haunted the Bells years after Sylvia had left it behind her. The fact that it was what tied him to Kris only just made Adam want to stay.
Allison’s voice broke through Adam’s thoughts. He could almost see the tears in her eyes when she said, “just promise me that you’ll come back home, Adam.”
He answered without hesitation. “I will. We will.”
And odd as it seemed, Adam had never been more certain of anything in his life.
: : : : :
Caleruega, a church which sat at the top of a hill, was one of the places Adam wanted to photograph the most. He chose to go there late in the afternoon so he could capture the soft muted light from the soon-to-be-setting sun. As soon as he arrived, he sat in one of the pews, looking up at the relics at the altar and relishing the quietness that had eluded him in the last few days.
He thought about how he set out to follow the almost physical pull he had felt within him since he first saw Jade Capriccio die, and how differently everything had turned out from what he’d expected. In many ways, it was how life always shaped up for him, made frighteningly beautiful by all the unexpected diversions and pleasant surprises.
He never thought that Kris would become his friend, never realized that he could fall in love with him. But then it happened in the middle of everything, when Adam was not actively looking, until he woke up one day and realized that these unexpected moments had become his reality.
He never really knew if he could turn back.
What he was certain of was that he didn’t want to.
It felt oddly domestic when he saw that Kris had texted him, asking how his trip went. Adam revelled in the moment for a while before answering that he was going to be home soon and he couldn’t wait to show Kris the pictures he’d taken.
Adam walked towards the far end of the church’s garden where a plot of different flowers was in full bloom. Yellow bells were creeping on the moss-filled brick wall and right by Adam’s feet were shrubs of red roses. He took out his camera and completely lost himself in the way that the golden shadows of the setting sun played against the petals. It wasn’t until the sounds coming from the street dissipated into a quiet hum did he realize that he was already standing on the stairs leading to the church’s bell tower.
He started to walk back to the garden but then there was a sweet smell, making him turn back in surprise. There was an almost palpable heaviness in the air and it made him drag his feet quickly up the winding staircase until his back was pressed against the cool and moist stone wall of the bell tower.
He closed his eyes and the visions started coming - Jade gasping out her last breath, Hunter smiling at one of the centre’s patients, Charlotte helpless against the cold wall.
Then there was Kris - and then Adam was brought back to the first time that he saw Kris in Xaymaca, the air between them heavy with a sense of foreboding. Suddenly, he saw Kris’s face contorted in pleasure, his mouth open in a soundless gasp, his eyes dark with an intensity that made Adam’s cock stir, so strong that Adam just had to touch himself.
Adam moaned as he felt his legs start to turn to jelly. He was still vaguely aware of how he was stroking himself through his pants but all he wanted was to go home and be with Kris. He could almost taste the fear like a bitter aftertaste and he hadn’t even realized that he had bitten his lower lip until it bled. He wiped it with his thumb, the scent in the air making his eyes droop.
And then he was coming, so hard that it took him by surprise, his vision darkening in its intensity. The orgasm left him boneless and he was breathing deeply, trying to get the rhythm of his heart back to normal. He was becoming more aware of where he was and the sound of people talking from below the staircase made him want to go back to where there was nothing but light.
The cold mountain air blew and Adam shivered. He slowly opened his eyes and saw that the breeze was blowing red rose petals towards him. As one petal touched his cheek lightly, he saw a young woman standing a few feet away from him. There was a small smile on her face as she walked towards Adam, only stopping when she was just a few inches away. She touched his face gently, thumb tracing circles on Adam’s chin. She smelled of roses, Adam thought, and he blinked.
Then it was Kris before him, wearing that mischievous smile that Adam couldn’t resist. So he smiled back, not minding the very strong breeze blowing petals around them. He reached out to touch before he felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up and that was when he saw everything.
Kris, helping him lift boxes of pamphlets to distribute on one of their earlier health missions, mouth opened in delighted laughter.
Or the way Kris had sat in the middle of the noisy Chinese restaurant on the first dinner they shared, face pensive and uncharacteristically peaceful amidst all the chaos.
But it was the fleeting unguarded vulnerability that snuck into Kris’s eyes which made Adam reach for the phone he knew was in his pocket just so he could hear Kris’s voice.
Adam was startled when he saw Kris standing before him, eyes clouded with confusion and a slight trace of fear. Adam wanted to ask Kris why he seemed so worried but Adam looked at the phone in his hand and back at Kris, and his eyes widened.
It happened very quickly. And then Adam was bodily turned until he was face to face with the wall. He could feel the outline of Kris’s cock in the cleft of his ass and he moaned as he struggled. He managed to pry Kris away from his back and he ran away panting, his pulse beating wildly.
He turned back before running down the stairs but Kris was gone and instead he found the young woman he saw earlier, looking at him with something akin to pain in her face. Adam walked towards her, thinking for the briefest of moments that he was probably dreaming. When he was close enough, he saw that the young woman’s hands were bleeding from the thorns of the roses she was holding, the blood flowing like crimson tears all over her fingers.
And that was when he knew. That was the moment he realized that the answer to the questions his visions gave him was finally there for him to see.
He turned back quickly, almost tripping on his own feet as he ran away. And just as he was about to reach the bottom of the stairs, he felt a blunt force to the back of his head and he felt himself fall into an abyss of darkness.
: : : : :
Kris got the call while he was on a break from a very busy Friday night shift in Xaymaca.
And in less than five minutes, he was in a cab speeding towards the south of Manila, the words, “Adam Lambert was in an accident. He had you listed as his person to call in case of an emergency,” racing through his mind over and over again.
It took Kris two hours to get to Adam and those two hours were some of the longest of his life.
Adam was already sleeping when Kris got to the hospital; the nurse handed him Adam’s bag and camera. She said that they found Adam behind Caleruega, barely conscious with blood dripping from the side of his head. He looked at Adam’s backpack again, and then at the single red rose petal that had found its way inside the pocket.
He stood up, walked out into the hallway and dialled a number which he hadn't called in years. Halfway through the second ring, the call was picked up.
"Kris."
Kris took a deep breath, the happiness he felt in hearing the familiar voice from long ago surprising him.
"Brad, it's been a while."
Brad chuckled, the sound a distinct reminder of everything that Kris left behind. "I'll say. How are you?"
Brad spoke with a nonchalance that made anger shoot through Kris. He took a deep breath before saying, "Are you the one doing it?"
The silence coming from Brad was enough to make Kris seethe. His heart was pounding in his chest when he slowly said, "answer me, Brad."
"You're family, Kris. We will never do anything to hurt you or the people you love." Brad spoke quietly, his voice laced with hurt.
Despite everything, Kris knew that Brad was telling him the truth. But instead, he said, "I know you want me back. I don't even know why I was made heir, I didn't ask for it..."
"You know why, Kris."
There were a lot of things Kris did not know about his family, about their history that made them who they were. But there was only one truth that remained through the years, and that was their legacy had endured because the chosen Bell heirs were always blessed with a gift.
Kris thought that maybe it was just time to accept that.
Brad sighed. “Just say the word and I’ll find them for you. I don’t know why they singled you out…”
“They think they can break me.”
Brad snorted then let out a tinkling laugh. “Oh, please tell me you’re going to prove them wrong. You know how much I like surprising people!”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Right. Of course you don’t,” Kris could hear the smile in Brad’s voice. “Come home when you’re ready. I’ll hold the fort while you’re out there conquering the world.”
Kris grinned despite himself. “What if I don’t come home?”
Brad laughed again and when he spoke, it sounded almost arrogant in its certainty. “Oh, you will. You’re family.”
Kris shook his head as he imagined Brad’s impish grin. But he looked at Adam’s sleeping form from the slightly open door and felt his chest constrict. When he finally spoke again, it was barely a whisper.
“Just... I need for him to be OK.”
It took a few seconds before Brad replied, his voice equally solemn and firm. “OK, don’t be mad but I’ve sent people to follow Adam around...”
“What?” That was definitely not what Kris expected to hear. “I know you keep tabs on me, but Adam?”
“You've become so close to him, Kris. That just never happens, OK? You never let someone get through to you after what happened to Jade.”
Kris gritted his teeth. “So you do know who did this to him?”
“My people are already working on it. Give me another hour. Then I’ll let you know who’s doing this to you.”
Kris felt the anger draining away as something akin to relief flooded through him. “Thank you, Brad.”
“You don’t have to thank me, Kris. We protect our own. It’s always been that way.” The serious tone in Brad’s voice was quickly replaced by a slightly teasing one that made Kris grin. “By the way, your boy’s hot.”
“He is totally amazing.” He cleared his throat. “And it’s different with him. He makes me really happy.”
“With him looking like that, I’m sure he does. Duh.”
They laughed together, the first time in five years, and it loosened the knot in Kris’s chest.
Before ending the call, Brad said, “Bring Adam home, Kris. He needs to meet the family.”
Kris looked at Adam once again before he answered, “I will. If he lets me.”
: : : : :
The first thing Adam saw when he opened his eyes was the darkness, the silence surrounding him like a blanket. He was exhausted, a dull pain coming from the back of his head, and all he wanted was just to go back to sleep.
Then it all came rushing back. The barrage of images made his heart stutter and his breath catch in his throat, and he could feel the fear start to completely take over.
But then he saw Kris standing beside his bed, eyes bright and unblinking as they stared at Adam, his hands deftly touching his face, his hair. He was whispering something and Adam could not understand it, but he held on to it like it was the salvation he needed to wake up from this nightmare.
“Are you really here?” Adam found himself asking, just wanting to make sure.
Kris smiled, his gaze unwavering as he continued to look at Adam with such blinding intensity. His voice trembled when he said, “stay with me.”
Adam nodded, pushing away the images and the pain to hold on to Kris’s hand tightly.
They held on to each other, their deep breaths the only sound heard in the dark room. The silence was broken when a nurse came in to check on Adam, and Kris had to step away from him.
Kris’s phone rang, and Adam saw his face harden into a mixture of relief and tension as he walked away to answer the call. He couldn’t hear Kris clearly but Adam vaguely heard him say Brad’s name a couple of times.
As soon as he was off the phone, Kris was back at Adam’s side, grabbing his hand to lace their fingers together.
Kris was smiling when he said, “Brad says hi. He wants to meet you.”
“I’d love to meet him.” Adam squeezed his hand. “So you’re talking again?”
Kris nodded, his shoulders tensing. Adam could see the coldness flitting briefly in his eyes before being replaced by affection when his gaze settled on Adam’s face.
Adam suddenly felt very tired and he yawned. “Come here and cuddle me. I’m sleepy.”
Kris got on the bed and put his arm gently over Adam’s stomach. He was on his side, his face tucked in the crook of Adam’s neck. He scooted up and kissed Adam’s cheek before saying, “I probably won’t be here when you wake up but don’t worry, OK? I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
Adam nodded, already half-asleep, the shadows threatening to take over his dreams fading away as the sound of Kris’s steady breathing lulled him to sleep.
: : : : :
Kris stood outside a flower shop in the middle of a huge shopping mall, his eyes fixed on the slight young woman arranging a bouquet of Malaysian mums behind the counter. She was smiling as the customer left the store but her smile disappeared in an instant when she saw Kris walking in.
She nodded in greeting when Kris handed her a bouquet of red roses and some money. “Good choice, Sir.”
“Thank you.” Kris fixed his eyes on her beautiful face, the blue eyes hard even as her lips curved into a small smile. For some reason, the rigid set of her shoulders made Kris relax and he smirked confidently. “They’re my boyfriend’s favourite.”
The girl - her nametag said she was Francesca - rang up the purchase before turning away from Kris and getting some wrapping paper. She wrapped the silver and white paper around the roses and handed it to Kris. But as she was turning away, Kris grabbed her wrist and pulled her back.
She was obviously surprised but her face smoothed with a calm expression in a second, mouth turning up on one side in a sneer as she said, “Oh. You know. ”
The voice that came out of Kris was full of contained rage.
“Stay away from him.”
“I didn’t think you had it in you,” she laughed as she tugged her wrists away from Kris’s grip. She brushed the strawberry blonde hair away from her face and leaned closer, her lips lightly brushing Kris’s ear as she spoke. “And I won’t stop. Not until I get what I want.”
Kris let out a mirthless laugh. “Whatever it is, you’re not getting it. Not from me, not from my family.”
“Oh, but you’re an heir, Kristopher Allen, the one I’ve been waiting for.”
At what must have been a confused expression on Kris’s face, she chuckled. “For years, the Bells have been living the life that should’ve belonged to my family. I just want to get it back.”
Despite his resolve to not be intimidated, Kris shivered at the coldness in her eyes which perfectly matched the tone of her voice. “And you’re an Allen, which is even better - poetic justice and all that, since you’re a direct descendant of the woman who stole everything from my grandmother. And you thought it would’ve made her happy but no, she had to kill her too.”
“Since I was a child and knew about the story, it always filled me with rage when one of you strutted as if the life and privilege you have is rightfully yours. Black magic, they said.”
She moved away from Kris and gripped the edge of the countertop where the rose bouquet lay forgotten. “It was easier than I expected. And then you were named heir! I felt like it was suddenly Christmas every single day.”
Francesca laughed loudly. “I mean, a Bell heir being convicted for murder will be the start of your hateful family’s downfall. It’s just a bonus that you’ll be suffering from losing all the people you loved.”
She then fixed her eyes on Kris, a smirk firmly placed on her lips. “My grandmother would’ve been so proud.”
The words were ringing in Kris’s ears as he stared fixedly at Francesca’s face, the shock and realization ironically calming him.
“Sad story. Unfortunately, you chose to mess with me.”
Francesca’s mouth opened a little in shock as Kris stared her down, his breathing steady and quiet. This time, he was the one who leaned forward and he gripped the back of Francesca’s neck lightly.
“Consider this a warning if you know what’s good for you.”
And then he let go, grabbing the roses from the counter. Francesca’s eyes were filled with rage, her menacing smile showing Kris that this was not over.
But with Adam’s face flashing through his mind, Kris decided that it had to be, and in the end, it was all that ever mattered.
: : : : :
Adam stayed in the hospital for a few more days, his face gaining more color as he slowly recovered. The doctor told Kris that thankfully, the people who found Adam were very quick in getting him to the hospital. If not, he would’ve bled to death. The thought of Adam bleeding and abandoned at the church’s bell tower tortured Kris, and the resolve to keep Adam in his life grew stronger with every moment he spent with him.
In what felt like no time at all, Adam was back in his hotel room, Kris staying with him whenever he didn’t have to be anywhere else. He also managed to speak to Allison, who was frantic with fear when she learned about what had happened to Adam.
“And you’re staying with him now?” Kris could feel the reluctance in Allison’s voice.
“I am, actually,” he answered without any bad feelings. He knew what Allison thought of him, and if he were in her place, he would’ve felt the same way.
Allison called Adam everyday and Kris watched as Adam sat huddled in a corner of the room, whispering into his phone. He could not hear what he said clearly but the tone of his voice implied that he was reassuring her that he was fine.
But the way that Adam seemed to withdraw from Kris was what bothered Kris the most. Kris often caught Adam watching him with an intensity that made him nervous. They had never talked about what happened in the church, what Adam felt and saw, but Kris knew that it must have had left Adam confused, if the way he seemed to flinch whenever Kris touched him was any indication.
Kris tried not to let that get to him because in all the time that he had known Adam, he learned that anything that sat between them had a way of unravelling itself in time. Kris’s faith in what they had between them surprised even him but Kris was done being afraid, especially when he saw the tenderness that always settled briefly in Adam’s eyes whenever they touched.
Kris asked the people in the health centre to watch over Adam whenever he had to be somewhere else: he couldn’t leave anything to chance. After a few more days, Adam became more restless and withdrawn, something that became evident when he began to snap at people.
“Do you want to go out?” Kris asked Adam quietly, soon after Adam kicked his suitcase which was still lying on the floor of his room.
Adam sat on the bed, his head clutched in his hands.
“I just need to be left alone, Kris. Is that too much to ask?”
Kris felt his jaw clench tightly, something that happened every time he saw the bandage at the base of Adam’s neck, every time Adam seemed so defeated. “I just need you to be safe.”
“It’s not your fault that this happened to me.”
“I’m not even sure if you still actually believe that.”
They sat looking at each other, the silence in the room deafening. Kris swallowed thickly as he wondered how this would play out, and how it was more frightening than when he confronted Francesca.
And then Adam reached out to him, his arms going around Kris. Kris hadn’t realized that he was holding his breath and as Adam’s familiar smell surrounded him, he felt the relief flooding through him, making him grip Adam tighter, unafraid and certain.
: : : : :
The music was already pounding when Kris saw Adam arrive in Xaymaca. It felt like years rather than weeks since Kris had first seen Adam walk into the club, an unrehearsed air of confidence emanating from him despite the unsure way that his eyes flitted back and forth to where Kris stood then. It disturbed Kris at that time but now the memory was something that Kris thought of fondly, inappropriate and weird as it may seem, just like the rest of their relationship.
But there comes a point when the truth ceases to become an afterthought and the fantasy begins to play itself out. And that night, looking at Adam walking across the bar with a smile on his face, Kris felt that distinct line being crossed.
There was no turning back now.
He was preparing Adam’s vodka soda when Adam reached the bar. Adam was leaning on his elbows on the counter when Kris turned back to give him the drink.
“I thought you weren't working tonight,” Adam said. His eyes were lined heavily with black liner and made up with some blue shadow. It made his eyes look as if they were shining, bright and mischievous.
“I’m not. I just wanted to make you a drink,” Kris replied before coming out from behind the bar to sit on the stool beside Adam.
Adam remained standing, sipping his drink as his eyes roamed the bar where the Friday night crowd was dancing along to Tropical Smoothie.
Kris reached out to touch Adam’s cheek, Adam clearly startling with the light touch. “Dance with me?”
Adam nodded, taking Kris’s hand in his as he got off the stool. Their eyes did not leave each other’s faces, and Kris faltered when he saw Adam’s half-opened mouth, shining with gloss. When Adam licked his lower lip, Kris wanted nothing more than to touch that mouth with his own, suck on his tongue and know what it felt like to fall.
So he leaned up, went on his toes, and licked Adam’s bottom lip with his tongue. It tasted like strawberries, slightly sticky. But Kris liked it, so he ran his tongue gently over Adam’s lips again.
Adam’s mouth parted even more, his breath lightly brushing over Kris’s face. Kris took a small step back and looked into Adam’s eyes, as he felt Adam’s hands going down and kneading his ass through his jeans. Kris closed his eyes at the almost-brutal touch, biting his lip as he ground closer to Adam, feeling his cock become harder and his breathing more desperate.
Adam’s breathing was just as labored when he spoke into Kris’s ear, his voice a low growl making Kris helpless and needy. “Open your eyes, Kris. Let me see you.”
Kris opened his eyes as Adam began to move to the music, the movement of his hips guiding Kris’s. He could feel the outline of Adam’s cock brushing against his own, and Kris felt like he had never needed anything more in his life.
The song ended but they did not move away from each other, mouthing at each other’s skin, hands roaming free and leaving goose bumps in their wake. The cloud of want filled Kris and as he looked up, he was sure that he mirrored Adam’s expression, one of awe and reverence and the desperate need to just take and be felt.
“We should leave,” Kris whispered into Adam’s mouth before going in for a deep kiss, tongue slippery against Adam’s.
“Yeah.” Adam moved away, only to lean back in and taking Kris’s bottom lip between his teeth.
After giving Adam’s swollen mouth one last kiss, Kris reluctantly moved away, willing his hands to stop touching. Adam laughed and his eyes sparkled, the distance that sat there within the last few weeks completely gone.
Kris chuckled too, his face scrunching up when Adam moaned as Kris ground their erections together before stepping away.
And then he saw Francesca.
She was standing on the side of the stage, her eyes fixed on Kris and Adam. There was a small smile playing on her lips and she raised her glass in greeting when she saw that Kris was looking at her.
A shiver ran through Kris, anger and fear coalescing together until he felt nothing but cold rage. But Adam touched his face gently, his eyes questioning and Kris felt his heartbeat slow down, until his breathing returned back to normal even as he gripped Adam’s hand tightly.
Kris looked around but Francesca was nowhere in sight, her strawberry blonde hair absent in the middle of the dancing crowd. He quickly turned to Jesse, who was standing behind the bar at that time, and asked her to talk to Adam while he went somewhere.
“Where are you going?”
Adam was worried, Kris could tell from his voice, so he stood on his toes and spoke into Adam’s ear. “Bathroom. Stay with Jesse, I’ll be back soon.”
Kris moved away from Adam and went straight to the crowd of people in the middle of the dance floor. When he reached the side of the stage, he stepped up until he was able to scan the whole bar but Francesca was still nowhere in sight.
He let out a breath that he didn’t realize he was holding. Maybe he had just imagined it, the events of the past few weeks making him see things that weren’t even there. His hands were still shaking though, and he clasped them together, smiling vaguely at the band playing on stage.
From across the stage, he could see Adam talking animatedly to someone whose back was turned to Kris. The corner of Adam’s mouth was slightly turned up - the beginnings of a smile - but he suddenly frowned and moved away slightly from the person he was talking to. Adam looked slightly confused and then Kris saw Adam’s shoulders slump, hair falling over his turned-down face.
The person who was talking to Adam removed her hat, her strawberry blonde hair tumbling down as she turned to look at Kris. Kris felt his blood freeze when he saw Francesca and even from across the room, he could see the pure hatred in her eyes as she inclined her head to give Kris a small nod. She raised her hand in a wave and started to walk away.
Kris crossed the stage in a hurry, running behind the still-playing band who looked up at him in surprise. He jumped off and ran towards the bar where Jesse was now standing beside Adam and gently tapping his arm.
Jesse’s face was lined with worry as she took in the panic that was etched over Kris’s features. “I just went away for a second to get him a drink and then when I came back, he was talking to this girl and she gave him this.” She gestured towards a single red rose lying on the floor beside Adam’s feet.
Kris swallowed hard, willing the fear he felt to go away. Adam should be fine, he should be safe, he should be with Kris and Kris promised himself that he would not let a day pass by without making sure that he was.
But now Adam was slowly turning his face up, his blue eyes almost glassy as he stared unseeingly into space. His mouth was slightly opened and he spoke, his mouth forming words that Kris could not understand.
Kris cupped Adam’s face in his hands, looking straight into his eyes and whispering Adam’s name over and over again, like a plea.
But Adam just looked through Kris, his warm breath brushing over Kris’s face.
And Kris did the only thing he could. He kissed him.
: : : : :
Adam could see Kris’s face, bathed in shadows as the light shone from behind his head. He could see the golden flecks in Kris’s eyes and Adam loved the way they seemed to shine. He could feel Kris’s hands on his face, his comforting voice whispering Adam’s name and a consuming warmth settled over his heart; it was like coming home and all Adam wanted was just to stay there for a while.
But the girl with the bleeding hands came and wanted to talk to him. He was not sure what she meant when she said that Adam deserved all the flowers he could get. And he said so.
That was when the pain came - blinding and powerful. It grasped at his heart and he was powerless to fight it. It felt like giving up was the only way to set him free and that was what he wanted.
He was just so tired.
But he could hear Kris’s voice from afar, still calling out to him, his voice broken and pleading for Adam to come back, to be with him, to stay forever.
Adam had never had an easier choice to make.
: : : : :
Someone was kissing him. Adam blinked and saw Kris’s face, his eyes tightly shut and his brow furrowed as his lips moved over Adam’s. His hands were cold and trembling where they rested over Adam’s cheeks. Adam could sense the urgency coming from Kris, completely different from the way he was kissing Adam - chaste and tender, almost reverent.
Adam lifted his arm to put his right hand gently over Kris’s. Kris’s eyes snapped open, and Adam could see the combined fear and relief in them, willing him to answer all the questions that Kris wanted to ask.
“Kris,” was all he could say and Kris stared into his eyes, searching and hoping to find what Adam knew he would.
Finally, Kris smiled, hands going warm under Adam’s touch. And this time, it was Adam who kissed Kris, hungry and needy, like he’d never know what to do if everything he had in his arms at that moment were to go away again.
Kris kissed him back, just as desperate, all teeth and tongue, gasping into Adam’s mouth. Kris’s hands were everywhere, like he wanted to make sure that Adam was really there, that this was really happening.
Adam rolled his hips gently over Kris’s to say that yes, he was never going away.
Kris moaned low in his throat and pulled back to look at Adam’s face. Kris’s eyes were warm and he gently kissed Adam’s nose, his ears, eyes that fluttered shut.
Kris then rested his forehead over Adam’s before whispering, “let’s go home,” and Adam shuddered at the obvious need in his voice.
They couldn’t keep their hands off each other in the cab on their way to Adam’s hotel. Adam could feel the intense need in his gut with each touch, with each kiss, with each bite.
It was never enough, could never be enough - not even when Adam pushed Kris against the wall and rutted against him, both of them still fully-clothed. Adam put his hands over Kris’s ass, pushing him up as Adam ground down, the friction making them pant against each other’s open mouths, tongues touching as they moaned.
Adam felt Kris’s hand grab his cock through his jeans and he shut his eyes in intense pleasure and pain, a guttural sound coming from his throat. Adam opened his eyes to see Kris smirking at him as Kris gently loosened his touch until it was almost feather-like.
Adam grabbed the front of Kris’s shirt and gently dragged him to bed. When they reached it, Kris shook free of Adam’s grip and took off his shirt while pushing Adam towards the headboard. He then clumsily unbuckled Adam’s jeans and took out Adam’s cock before taking it into his mouth.
Adam bucked off the bed, making Kris choke slightly, but Kris just moaned. Adam could feel Kris’s tongue slither over his cock, could feel the heat and the wetness and the way his throat closed when Kris swallowed.
But Kris was looking at him intently, like Adam was an illusion that could disappear any second. And Adam couldn’t look away, not even when his hips started to move on their own, moving rhythmically against Kris’s face.
Kris slurped the head of Adam’s cock before moving away and taking out a packet of lube and a condom from the pocket of the jeans that he had just taken off. He then took Adam’s hand, kissed the fingers one by one, licked at the palm. Then, he was coating Adam’s fingers with lube.
Adam took over, reaching over to pull Kris into his lap, gently asking Kris to spread his legs a little wider, to get on his knees and move a little closer. Kris went willingly and Adam gently ran his fingers over Kris’s ass, his head filled with the noises coming from Kris.
He looked up when he felt one of Kris’s arms wrap around his neck. He saw that Kris was staring blindly into the wall above Adam’s head, his other hand gripping the headboard tightly as he rocked against Adam’s fingers. He was whimpering Adam’s name repeatedly and Adam moaned in response, letting Kris know that he would take care of him.
And Adam made sure that he did when his teeth grazed over a pebbled nipple, when he licked at the back of an ear even as Kris moved relentlessly around three of his fingers, desperate and clinging and needy.
When Kris was finally sitting completely on Adam’s lap, Adam’s cock buried in him, Adam could do nothing but reach out and touch the face before him. He ran his fingers over the swollen lips, relishing the punctured gasps that came whenever Kris rode down.
When Kris finally came, his face beautiful in pleasure and love, Adam wrapped him in his arms, rocking back continuously, drawing it out, making Kris feel him.
Adam just looked as Kris shuddered until he was a boneless heap in Adam’s arms. He couldn’t seem to stop kissing and touching Adam until Adam felt himself coming, the rush of emotions and pleasure making him shiver from within.
Adam’s eyelids drooped and he felt that there was something moving on the edges of darkness surrounding him. But he pushed it away, willing his eyes to open to see what was real.
And as Kris lowered his head to gently kiss Adam once again, Adam finally decided that maybe some questions were never really meant to be answered, not when it made him feel this way, not when it felt this right.
: : : : :
It was still dark outside but the sun was starting to rise as he could see from outside the window, the sounds of the half-awake city muted behind the glass veranda door.
But Kris was already wide awake and standing at the foot of the bed, looking at Adam’s peacefully sleeping form. He had not been able to fall asleep - not even when he was wrapped in Adam’s arms, Adam’s skin warm and soft against his own, his lips resting lightly at the back of Kris’s neck.
He looked over at the bedside table and made sure that the note he scribbled was still resting under Adam’s phone. He made sure that the windows were locked before walking back to the bed and raising the comforter to Adam’s chin.
There was nothing he hated more than letting Adam wake up alone after the night they just had.
But there were things to be done.
Kris sat gingerly on the bed and kissed Adam tenderly, breathing in Adam’s scent as he did so, the memories of his touch still lingering on Kris’s skin.
He still could not believe that fate led this man to him, that every turn in the road that Kris took did not stop Adam from finding him.
Or maybe it was the other way around.
But Kris would choose to believe that they found each other when their paths finally merged, and there was nothing to do but to hold on.
The phone in his pocket vibrated and he got up, not wanting to wake Adam. He stood in the doorway as he listened to the person on the other line speak. After a minute, he said, “are you sure about this? Can it really be done? ”
Brad sighed. “Kris, you know very well that once you say the word, it would be considered done.”
Kris nodded, breathing deeply. “I want this to be over.”
“And it will be. Soon.”
“Adam’s alone here...”
Brad cut him off. “I’ll take care of it.”
Kris took another look at Adam before he turned away and walked into the hallway. He stood with his back against the door, wondering at the way that focused calmness was starting to course through him even as his heart beat wildly.
“Thank you, Brad.”
Brad huffed and Kris could hear the smile in his voice when he said, “oh shut up. You know we’d do anything for you, Kris.”
And that was that.
: : : : :
It had been a dreamless sleep, something that Adam hadn’t experienced in a while. But as soon as his mind began to stir, he remembered Kris’s face close to his. He could see the way that Kris’s brown eyes grew intense with passion. He could almost taste him and the way he gasped out Adam’s name.
Adam reached out a hand to touch and his eyes flew open when he felt that he was alone in his bed.
Doubts began to fill Adam. Maybe he had just imagined all of it, maybe he just wanted it to happen so badly that his mind fed him with those images.
The sound of his phone on the bedside table made him turn to pick it up.
That was when he saw Kris’s note. Adam felt a rush of relief and love when he read Kris’s obviously quickly written words on the hotel stationery. Through it, Kris told Adam that what they had the previous night was the most amazing thing that had happened to him, that it made him see and feel things that he never thought possible. And that he had to take care of some things before he could be with Adam but he knew that it was all going to work out in the end because they were Kris and Adam, and it was the way that it was meant to be.
Adam re-read the note several times, a grin on his face despite the lingering emptiness he’d felt from waking up alone. Kris would be back in a few hours, he was sure of it, and Adam couldn’t wait to start the rest of his life with him.
He then turned to look at the brightly lit screen of his phone and saw that Allison had sent him an e-mail.
Adam read Kris’s note again while waiting for his e-mail to load but he dropped the note when he finally saw what Allison had sent him.
The attachment with the e-mail was a picture of a young woman lying on her side right in the middle of a flower field, her arms limp on the ground beside her. It was grainy but Adam’s professional eye could see that the sun had just risen when the picture was taken, and the morning sun made her strawberry blonde hair shine, making it the only thing that seemed alive in the picture.
Adam zoomed in on the picture, and he could feel the hairs on his head stand on end in surprise and trepidation. The woman’s unseeing eyes were suddenly before him, opened wide in fear and wonder, like she had never considered death as something that would come her way.
Adam stared at her for a while, feeling her death rather than seeing it unfold before him. And when he blinked, he was again in the middle of Xaymaca and he was talking to a girl who was handing him a single red rose.
The phone dropped into Adam’s lap and he was back in his hotel room, his heart jumping in his throat as he ran across the room to open his laptop. He quickly went through the Bell files and found what he was looking for in the folder labelled Charlotte Bell.
There, smiling at him from the laptop screen was Francesca Finn. She was younger in the picture that Adam was looking at but her hair was just as vibrant, her eyes just as fiercely wild. There were no details on the file except that she was very close to her mother, who was Charlotte Bell’s only daughter.
Adam swallowed thickly and he felt the fear rise up his throat when for a short moment, he was back in the church bell tower and he felt like his breath was being stolen away from him. But he shook his head and gripped the edge of the table, the wood digging into his palms and bringing him back.
He opened his e-mail through his laptop and then he was staring at the picture once again, taking in details.
And that was when he saw it, lying like a beacon in the middle of the flower field - red rose petals almost completely covering Francesca’s feet, bright and bloody red against her deathly pale skin.
: : : : :
The sun had already set but Adam was still sitting in the middle of the church, staring blankly towards the altar. It had been hours since he left his hotel room, leaving everything behind and just walking around the city, his mind blank and quiet. He didn’t realize that his feet had taken him to this small chapel in the middle of the walled park, the one where Adam felt for the first time that he was meant to stay with Kris.
He had never been able to leave since then.
The sound of approaching footsteps did not even make Adam flinch. Somehow, in the last few hours since he had seen death’s face, he had become oblivious to fear.
Kris sat beside him on the pew. Adam turned, and there was the face that he loved, looking back at him with hesitation clouding his eyes.
“I didn’t know you’d be here,” Kris muttered, not even blinking to take his eyes away from Adam’s face.
Adam shrugged. “You once told me that I know everything about you.”
Kris nodded, and Adam noticed that Kris had his hands closed tightly into fists, as if Kris was willing them to not to reach out and touch.
Adam reached out to cover Kris’s hands with his, even as their eyes never left each other’s faces.
“Do I still know everything about you?”
“You do. You always will.”
Kris’s voice was firm and certain, and he turned his palms upward so he could lace his fingers through Adam’s.
And then they were kissing, deep and intimate, like nothing either of them had felt before. Adam revelled in the feeling, the peace quietly resounding in him as he held Kris close.
Kris pulled back, panting as he traced the planes of Adam’s face with his fingers. Through the darkness, Adam could see how bright Kris’s eyes were as they focused on Adam like he was everything that Kris was waiting for.
But Adam just needed to know. He just had to be sure.
“Kris, please come home with me.”
When Kris nodded, without even a shred of doubt or fear, to say that yes, he would, Adam knew then that he was seeing something real and certain. Finally, after all those years.
Notes:
+ I'm so grateful to my amazing and supportive betas pataisen, stickmarionette and writhedbeneath for the handholding and cheerleading. My beta team kicks ass (mine, mostly LOL) and if you liked this story, then we have them to thank.
And I wouldn’t have finished this without kristina_bitch, the best writing buddy anyone could ever hope for. I love your bossy ass, big spoon<333
Special thanks to adamaddict_rh and mozbabe for cheering me on when I first signed up for this.
+ The lovely claire_kay made the pretty art for this story. It’s such an awesome gift and you should all check it out. Thank you, bb. You make me smile! :D
+ The churches I used as setting for some scenes in the story are really beautiful. Here’s Caleruega and its gardens, and the chapel sitting in the middle of Paco Park .
+ Xaymaca was a reggae bar in Quezon City but it closed in December 2008. It was an amazing place with fantastic bands, laidback crowd and great food (among other ~things :P). I still miss it.
+ If you want to check it out, here are the other places I mentioned in the fic: Ermita (where Adam’s hotel in the story was located) and Malate (where Kris’s workplace was.)
+ Thanks for reading! :D