Perceptions

[incandragon]

When my husband and I were about to be married, we did some exercises in a pre-marital counseling-type book. It was extremely useful in revealing where we had some major disconnects ... always good to get those out of the way before you actually sign the paperwork, right?
One of the "bomb" questions was a list of about sixteen kinds of intimacy, and

Comments

[jadeejf]

Carl and I had the same terror after realizing that we were opposites on the Meyers-Briggs scale, and had to have some emergency premarital counseling to get over the freaking out that ensued. It wasn't quite make-it-or-break-it, but it was very concerning.

Now I kind of want to see your books!

[incandragon]

Promises to Keep is a Christian (Catholic) pre-marital counseling book, but it's not heavy on church-specific teaching. I liked it a lot. I can loan it to you, if you like.

We also took the full Myers-Briggs test. It's useful information!

[incandragon]

More than the Myers-Briggs differences, it's been that he's a night person and I'm more of a morning person that's been the biggest problem in our marriage.

[jadeejf]

That and the extroversion-introversion thing have been the hardest for us, I think. So far, anyway :)

[kalluna]

Homework? Who assigns you homework?

[incandragon]

That "do you floss" estate manager thingie. After flossing, it apparently gets personal.

[texanfan]

Y'all tend to look at things from different angles, which means you complement each other in your roles within the relationship. Exercises like this generate discussion, which they should do, but y'all are one of the most solid marriages I know.

I'm reminded of Don's and my pre-marital counseling experience which I'm sure had our pastor concerned although I could easily tell him what went wrong. Always important to remember these things are tools, not prognosticators of the future.

[sheilagh]

what were some of the 16 kinds of intimacy? (how did they phrase them as questions?)

and was this the book?

http://www.amazon.com/Promises-Keep-Developing-Skills-Marriage/dp/0809132885

[incandragon]

Yes, that's the book. Your question got me to pull down our copy, and I think we should look at it again. A lot of useful stuff in there.

The 14 (I misremembered) include definitions of what they mean.

Commitment, Emotional, Sexual, Intellectual, Aesthetic, Creative, Recreational, Work, Crisis, Servie, Spiritual, Communication, Conflict, Autonomy.