Book One, Chapter 12: Future Present
Title: Future Present
Authors: escribo and kiltsandlollies
Characters: Dominic and Billy
Rating: PG
Word count: 3412
Summary: In which Dominic makes a decision.
Index
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction; the recognizable people in the story belong to themselves and have never performed the actions portrayed here. I do not know the actors nor am I associated with them in any way. If you are underage, please do not read this story. I am not making any profit from these stories, nor do I mean any harm.
For maybe the first time since Dominic's been at university, he'd truly enjoyed going back home to Stockport for the weekend. His mother had fretted about his weight and his clothes when she'd picked him up from the station on Friday night, but she'd been happy enough to feed him and do his laundry that the weekend had passed uneventfully. They'd gotten on so well that he'd even taken her to dinner and a movie, as Billy had suggested, and Dominic was glad he had once he'd seen how pleased and surprised she was.
The weekend is still on his mind as he walks from the law library to Billy's office across campus. His dad had gone fishing in the Lake District with Dominic's uncle and cousins, so the whole weekend had been nice for a change--so nice that Dominic hadn't been too bothered that his dad hadn't thought to take Dominic as well. It would have upset him had he let it, but he hadn't, and he's proud of himself for that. Better, he'd been able to talk to his mum about taking on the second concentration and to see her pride in him for taking a chance. That made up for everything else.
Outside Billy's office door, Dominic pauses to smooth down his hair and straighten his clothes. He's early for their appointment for a change, but finds himself eager to tell Billy about his weekend. Dominic can see Billy at his desk, writing, and he watches Billy for a moment before knocking on the doorframe. "I'm early. Did you want me to come back in a bit?"
Billy gestures for Dominic to come inside the office and smiles, remembering the afternoon he’d whiled away with Dom. Billy has rarely felt so comfortable as an advisor, and he thinks Dominic shares that comfort-that their admiration is a mutual thing. And Dominic’s performance at Baskerville has improved immeasurably since the days when he had first come to Billy, certain of his own failure.
He and Dominic have several times now spoken of Dominic taking on a second concentration of philosophy along with German, and Dominic's asked the right questions and received from Billy the most honest answers possible. It’s a win-win situation, Billy thinks; if Dominic continues in his studies, he could teach either subject, and perhaps write, too--something of a secret wish he’s only obliquely mentioned to Billy, but one Billy hasn't forgotten. It will not be easy, Billy’s warned Dominic, but it will be worth it. He will remind Dominic of that as often as necessary, beginning with this meeting. "Good weekend, eh? If you could just shut the door, Dom ..." Dominic nods, a blush rising in his cheeks already before he closes the office door and sits in the chair next to Billy's desk. Billy nudges the stack of paperwork he'd prepared for today to one side and inches his own chair closer to Dominic.
"It wasn't as bad as you thought it would be, was it, Dom? I thought of you this weekend; there was a book I was looking at--I'll tell you later, if I remember. The point is that you seem better than I'd left you Friday. So." Billy's grin turns up at one corner, a bit of a challenge in it. "Have you decided, then? Will you be joining my dwindling ranks?"
Dominic grins back, his cheeks still pink as he thinks about what Billy had said: I thought of you this weekend. Dominic had spent quite a bit of time thinking of Billy as well, but he doesn't imagine that their thoughts had been along the same lines. "My mum thinks I should, if it would make me happy."
"And will it?"
"I think so. To be honest though, I'm scared. I'm doing well in your class, right?" Dominic leans forward, resting his elbows on Billy's desk, and reaches for a piece of hard candy. "I'm doing better because of you. But I'm worried about the courses that I can't take with you."
“I’d be concerned if you weren’t. But I think we could make an arrangement wherein I’d do my best to not get sacked before your graduation.” Billy follows this with a grin. “But Dom, it’s not going to depend on me. Your studies are always going to be just that, yours, and you must have faith that you can achieve something here. No one steps up on the dais with--” Billy blinks, looking for the word. “An entourage. You'll have a support system, of course, but you’re going to find your greatest strength inside yourself.” Billy pauses, considering the line Dominic frequently walks between self-deprecation and outright insecurity. “You give yourself and your mind too little credit,” he says crisply. “And that is why I will be here, Dom, to set you back on track when it’s necessary. But it has to be your dreams driving you, d’you understand?” Dominic’s nod seems hesitant, but Billy’s said his piece, and so he leans back in his chair. “Were you able to have a good chat with your mum, then? You were dreading all this on Friday, and your dad-”
"Turned out my dad wasn't there after all. He'd gone to the Lake District with my cousins." Dominic doesn't meet Billy's eyes as he speaks, afraid that his well-constructed bravado will disappear if he sees pity there. "It was just me and my mum. I did like you suggested and took her out on Saturday. She was pleased with that." While he talks, Dominic works the wrapper from around one of the candies he's taken from the bowl on Billy's desk, and then pops it in his mouth, his hand immediately going for another. "She said it's something Matt would have liked to have done, philosophy, but he took the teaching courses like my dad. Didn't do what he wanted. He's smart, my brother; he could have done anything. He likes teaching, though. I told her I was thinking about teaching German, but I want to write, you know?"
"There's nothing to stop you from doing so," Billy says. "If I were to give up a passion of mine in favor of devoting my entire life to any one thing, I'd be a sad piece of work. I hope you made it clear that you're not doing this because of your brother--" Billy stops himself, uncertain how far he means to take this discussion. "You'll have so many opportunities," he says, more slowly, and leans forward in his chair. "I'd hate for you to ignore any of them. Those are good, yeah?"
Dominic nods and grins at the candy dish, abashed to find another candy in his fingers, and Billy reaches for his own handful of the sweets. "When I was still in school, Dom, I was a clerk for this one professor. Not Andersen," he laughs. "A different one, less of a hoarder, thankfully, but easily distracted. Never on time for class, rarely held office hours--more often than not he could be found in one of the libraries surrounded by old records and listening to them with those--" Billy gestures at his ears. "Massive headphones, yeah? He'd sit there for hours, and we'd just have to wait him out. Turns out he'd been a conductor before he'd decided to go back and teach philosophy. He never lost his passion, for the music or for Kierkegaard. I thought that was brilliant. I'm not him," Billy says hurriedly. "I have passions; every man does. But I don't think I've reached a point where I can balance them that well. My point is that you shouldn't dismiss any of your interests. You never know when you might have the chance to enjoy them all." Billy swallows a candy and swivels his chair back to the desk. "Right, paperwork. Best to just get this done so we can talk about other things."
Dominic picks up the top sheet of paper and stares at the form for a moment before he drags the stack closer. It's a thick sheaf full of blank lines, and Dominic digs a pen from inside his bag. "Is this all in triplicate?"
"I believe so."
"Am I giving away my first born?"
"It's possible."
"I think it's a fair trade then, yeah? A philosophy degree in exchange for the family I probably won't have."
For more than a few minutes, there's only the sound of Dominic's pen scratching across paper as he fills in his name and intentions. Billy watches Dominic as he completes the forms, considering Dominic's statement about family, but he's careful to not be caught staring when Dominic lifts his head and offers the papers back to Billy, watching as Billy thumbs through each set in turn. It comes to Dominic, then, just how much he owes to Billy. "Thank you, professor. I just. No one's really. Before. Thank you."
"You're welcome," Billy smiles. "Though it's your work that's earned you this chance, Dom, not mine. I don't suggest this sort of thing to just anyone." Billy leans back, his hands behind his head. "I hate that phrase, I see something in you--it sounds so ... airy, and I don't think of myself as airy. But I do, Dom; I see tremendous things for you if you're willing to work for them, and you must be. I cannot wait to see your progress." Billy stands, pressing Dominic back to his chair when he rises, too. "No, be still. I just thought I might get you a few books to take. I hate it when my guests leave empty-handed."
Billy returns to lean against his desk rather than sit behind it, close now to Dominic, and deposits the books on the desk before he folds his arms across his chest. "Tell me what you thought about that announcement today--the stay of execution for that copse of trees behind the languages building. I noticed you'd signed the petition earlier; well done, lad."
"A friend of mine leads the student group opposed to the construction on campus. He asked me to participate." Two pink splotches appear again high on Dominic's cheeks, but his eyes are bright. Paperwork and school are far from his thoughts. "It's like what you said, where there is no expression, there's defeat and eventual destruction. They're planning a protest, the students." Dominic reaches for the books, reading their titles before he places them back on Billy's desk. He's never done anything like this before, and he feels desperate for Billy's approval. "If the administration doesn't agree to save the copse, we're going to protest."
“Fantastic.” Billy can't temper his excitement at the thought of a group of students willing to fight however they can for the same things Billy would. “Do you have an advisor, you and your friends? I could--help, or at least not hinder. You’ll let me know?” At Dominic’s nod, Billy begins to pace his office. “I can’t believe you remembered that, actually. I talk out of my arse sometimes, Dom, but I meant what I said. I don’t like to see anything or anyone destroyed or defeated. Tell your friends that if I’m welcome, I'll be there behind them.”
"You'd be welcome. Professor Martin from the biology department is our advisor, but you'd be welcome. I think ..." Dominic pauses, unsure of what he means to say or how he means to say it. "I think the students feel like the faculty doesn't really care. I know you do, but the others just don't see it too much. Outside of Professor Martin, no one has really stood up with us."
"I suppose a biology teacher might have an interest in saving those trees," Billy smiles. "I'll email her, see what I can do. I think it's good you're getting involved in more activities, Dom, even if they're not always in your academic interests. Not to say you shouldn't rethink working for the art department," Billy says quickly. "It's good to have something in your pocket as well. You'll still make time to study, though, yes?" Another nod, and the blush in Dominic's cheeks makes Billy smile. "You're allowed t'tell me it's none of my business, Dom, know that."
They both laugh, and then Billy searches through another stack of papers on his desk. "We've got a little while still here, Dom. What d'you say we have a look at the essay you turned in on Thursday? I've made some notes ..." Billy settles into the other guest chair beside Dominic and leans forward, his pen already pointing toward his handwriting in the margins of Dominic's paper.
Their knees almost touch, and for a long moment, that gap of almost an inch is more compelling to Dominic than the words of his essay. It takes all of Dominic's energy to not lean his leg a bit more to make contact with Billy, to tilt his head so that he can better smell Billy's skin and hair. When Billy uses his pen as a pointer to read through another line of Dominic's essay, Dominic is sharply reminded of last Friday, of Billy's fingers on the neck of the guitar, and the more he tries not to think of it--of what he'd thought of when he was alone in bed that night--the sharper the image becomes.
"Could you repeat that?" Dominic asks as he straightens up in his chair, moves his paper a bit and forces himself to think of what he'd read the night before, the tomes that sped along his research and not the poetry he'd read before going to sleep. Forces himself to turn to Billy and listen rather than watch Billy's mouth twist and turn as he forms his words. The professor had loosened his tie at some point and unbuttoned his collar to reveal the slightest bit of skin that Dominic only just now notices as he tries to redirect his attention. Even as Dominic tries to argue for his point, he's aware of the clock--that he's already gone over their short appointment time. He also thinks that he's heard someone in the hall, someone just outside Billy's door. He wonders if it's just a late student worried about his or her essay, or if it's someone waiting for Billy, to take him home for dinner and maybe something more. That image is enough to make his thoughts skitter and force his impassioned speech to fizzle into nothing.
"I forget what I was saying," he mumbles, hating that he blushes when he's flustered or confused or aroused or at any emotion that might reveal what he's thinking. He stares at the papers in his lap, his hands crinkling their edges. He doesn't want to leave, not yet at least. Not before he's had time to ... to what? "Not a great way to start off my philosophy career, is it?" he asks, meaning the paper and not the fact that he can't sit next to his professor without getting a hard-on. "I guess I didn't understand what Hegel was saying."
"Hegel's not easy," Billy smiles. "But you understood more than you think. I liked what you had to say on the misconceptions about his use of Geist--how Hegel's translators may have altered his thoughts to the point where we don't question his intended meaning anymore. You might want to focus on him for further study, considering you can read him in the original German. You might have something t'teach me." Billy scratches a few more lines on Dominic's essay. "There. Read up on Kierkegaard's opposition to Hegel's absolute knowledge, hmm? I've marked up some passages in here--" Billy taps one of the books Dominic will take with him. "Draw some conclusions, and then bring them back to me in a few days. We can talk about it some more, maybe raise your mark just a bit more?"
Billy's attention is momentarily grabbed by another sheet of paper on his desk, just out of the corner of his eye, and he smiles first at the sight, then at Dominic. "And while we're talking about your marks. D'you remember I was telling you about that trip up to St. Andrews? For the Arché conference?" Dominic nods, and Billy does, too. "It's been approved, Dom. Only took a few visits to administration to convince them to actually read the proposal, too, which was refreshing, I have t'tell you. The reason I mention it is because you might want to check your mailbox a bit more regularly, as you've been approved to attend."
"I didn't --" Dominic stops himself and bites his lip when Billy raises his eyebrows.
"Of course you didn't. You don't really get the option of inviting yourself." Billy waits a beat and then laughs, watching Dominic's shoulders relax. "I determine who gets to go, and you've earned the invitation, so." Billy shrugs. "You can say no, of course, but I do think it'll be in your interest to attend. Read all the information when you get it, and read it well, and you can come to me if you've got questions."
Dominic nods, his thoughts already buzzing about a trip to Scotland--where he'll get the money to do more than just sit in workshops and seminars, if he'll be left to his own devices in those seminars and find himself lost in the discussions or worse--but before he can speak any of his concerns, there's a knock at Billy's door, and Billy looks up at the sound, then at the clock.
"I'll be damned," he says softly. "We've run over, Dom, sorry; look, if you have any questions, come see me tomorrow. Did you know Hegel's buried in Berlin?" At this bit of trivia rushing from his own mouth, Billy laughs. "It's not really relevant. I just thought. You lived there, and--" Billy throws a hand in the air. "Doesn't matter. Let me see you out."
Dominic gathers his papers and the books and follows Billy to the door. He stops at the threshold, fumbling for something more to say--something witty to impress Billy--but all he manages is a garbled "thank you" before the door is opened and before them stands Sophie Winters, the student Dominic's beginning to despise for her timing and constant proximity to Billy.
"Professor, I'm so glad I've caught you." The way she's standing seems posed to Dominic, and he hates her for the helpless gesture her hand makes as if in supplication to Billy. He wonders again if she's someone Billy would like, if she's Billy's type. As he steps around her and into the hall, Dominic turns to watch Billy's face for some sign. Even believing that Billy would never get involved with a student, the thought that they could be going home together comes to Dominic, and he’s surprised by the spike of jealousy he feels.
"Sophie, hello," Billy says, gesturing her inside the office. He then catches sight of one of Dominic's notebooks on the floor, and Billy reaches for it, thinking it must have slipped out of his rucksack. It's not the usual sort of notebook Dominic carries; rather, it's a squared-off piece of work, a bit rough in Billy's hands but malleable, too, as if it's been well-loved and handled with a happy kind of carelessness and comfort. Flipping idly through the first few pages, Billy discoveres a scrawled mix of German and English, but doesn't read beyond a first few lines, recognizing that he'd probably shouldn't. "If you'll excuse me for just a moment," he says distractedly to Sophie, and then leaves the office.
He thinks he'll catch up to Dominic before he can escape the building, but after a moment's dash down the hall he finds Dominic's disappeared, and Billy has no real desire to let Sophie remain in his office alone any longer than necessary. He walks back quickly, tucking Dominic's notebook first under his arm and then, once Billy's back in the office, into his briefcase for safekeeping until the next time he sees Dominic in class. Sophie's now in the guest chair Dominic's so recently vacated, and Billy takes his own chair again and a deep breath, too.
"Right," Billy says then, forcing his distractions away in favour of a safer place in his head and the here and now as Sophie looks at him expectantly. "Let's talk about your essay, hmm?"
Authors: escribo and kiltsandlollies
Characters: Dominic and Billy
Rating: PG
Word count: 3412
Summary: In which Dominic makes a decision.
Index
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction; the recognizable people in the story belong to themselves and have never performed the actions portrayed here. I do not know the actors nor am I associated with them in any way. If you are underage, please do not read this story. I am not making any profit from these stories, nor do I mean any harm.
For maybe the first time since Dominic's been at university, he'd truly enjoyed going back home to Stockport for the weekend. His mother had fretted about his weight and his clothes when she'd picked him up from the station on Friday night, but she'd been happy enough to feed him and do his laundry that the weekend had passed uneventfully. They'd gotten on so well that he'd even taken her to dinner and a movie, as Billy had suggested, and Dominic was glad he had once he'd seen how pleased and surprised she was.
The weekend is still on his mind as he walks from the law library to Billy's office across campus. His dad had gone fishing in the Lake District with Dominic's uncle and cousins, so the whole weekend had been nice for a change--so nice that Dominic hadn't been too bothered that his dad hadn't thought to take Dominic as well. It would have upset him had he let it, but he hadn't, and he's proud of himself for that. Better, he'd been able to talk to his mum about taking on the second concentration and to see her pride in him for taking a chance. That made up for everything else.
Outside Billy's office door, Dominic pauses to smooth down his hair and straighten his clothes. He's early for their appointment for a change, but finds himself eager to tell Billy about his weekend. Dominic can see Billy at his desk, writing, and he watches Billy for a moment before knocking on the doorframe. "I'm early. Did you want me to come back in a bit?"
Billy gestures for Dominic to come inside the office and smiles, remembering the afternoon he’d whiled away with Dom. Billy has rarely felt so comfortable as an advisor, and he thinks Dominic shares that comfort-that their admiration is a mutual thing. And Dominic’s performance at Baskerville has improved immeasurably since the days when he had first come to Billy, certain of his own failure.
He and Dominic have several times now spoken of Dominic taking on a second concentration of philosophy along with German, and Dominic's asked the right questions and received from Billy the most honest answers possible. It’s a win-win situation, Billy thinks; if Dominic continues in his studies, he could teach either subject, and perhaps write, too--something of a secret wish he’s only obliquely mentioned to Billy, but one Billy hasn't forgotten. It will not be easy, Billy’s warned Dominic, but it will be worth it. He will remind Dominic of that as often as necessary, beginning with this meeting. "Good weekend, eh? If you could just shut the door, Dom ..." Dominic nods, a blush rising in his cheeks already before he closes the office door and sits in the chair next to Billy's desk. Billy nudges the stack of paperwork he'd prepared for today to one side and inches his own chair closer to Dominic.
"It wasn't as bad as you thought it would be, was it, Dom? I thought of you this weekend; there was a book I was looking at--I'll tell you later, if I remember. The point is that you seem better than I'd left you Friday. So." Billy's grin turns up at one corner, a bit of a challenge in it. "Have you decided, then? Will you be joining my dwindling ranks?"
Dominic grins back, his cheeks still pink as he thinks about what Billy had said: I thought of you this weekend. Dominic had spent quite a bit of time thinking of Billy as well, but he doesn't imagine that their thoughts had been along the same lines. "My mum thinks I should, if it would make me happy."
"And will it?"
"I think so. To be honest though, I'm scared. I'm doing well in your class, right?" Dominic leans forward, resting his elbows on Billy's desk, and reaches for a piece of hard candy. "I'm doing better because of you. But I'm worried about the courses that I can't take with you."
“I’d be concerned if you weren’t. But I think we could make an arrangement wherein I’d do my best to not get sacked before your graduation.” Billy follows this with a grin. “But Dom, it’s not going to depend on me. Your studies are always going to be just that, yours, and you must have faith that you can achieve something here. No one steps up on the dais with--” Billy blinks, looking for the word. “An entourage. You'll have a support system, of course, but you’re going to find your greatest strength inside yourself.” Billy pauses, considering the line Dominic frequently walks between self-deprecation and outright insecurity. “You give yourself and your mind too little credit,” he says crisply. “And that is why I will be here, Dom, to set you back on track when it’s necessary. But it has to be your dreams driving you, d’you understand?” Dominic’s nod seems hesitant, but Billy’s said his piece, and so he leans back in his chair. “Were you able to have a good chat with your mum, then? You were dreading all this on Friday, and your dad-”
"Turned out my dad wasn't there after all. He'd gone to the Lake District with my cousins." Dominic doesn't meet Billy's eyes as he speaks, afraid that his well-constructed bravado will disappear if he sees pity there. "It was just me and my mum. I did like you suggested and took her out on Saturday. She was pleased with that." While he talks, Dominic works the wrapper from around one of the candies he's taken from the bowl on Billy's desk, and then pops it in his mouth, his hand immediately going for another. "She said it's something Matt would have liked to have done, philosophy, but he took the teaching courses like my dad. Didn't do what he wanted. He's smart, my brother; he could have done anything. He likes teaching, though. I told her I was thinking about teaching German, but I want to write, you know?"
"There's nothing to stop you from doing so," Billy says. "If I were to give up a passion of mine in favor of devoting my entire life to any one thing, I'd be a sad piece of work. I hope you made it clear that you're not doing this because of your brother--" Billy stops himself, uncertain how far he means to take this discussion. "You'll have so many opportunities," he says, more slowly, and leans forward in his chair. "I'd hate for you to ignore any of them. Those are good, yeah?"
Dominic nods and grins at the candy dish, abashed to find another candy in his fingers, and Billy reaches for his own handful of the sweets. "When I was still in school, Dom, I was a clerk for this one professor. Not Andersen," he laughs. "A different one, less of a hoarder, thankfully, but easily distracted. Never on time for class, rarely held office hours--more often than not he could be found in one of the libraries surrounded by old records and listening to them with those--" Billy gestures at his ears. "Massive headphones, yeah? He'd sit there for hours, and we'd just have to wait him out. Turns out he'd been a conductor before he'd decided to go back and teach philosophy. He never lost his passion, for the music or for Kierkegaard. I thought that was brilliant. I'm not him," Billy says hurriedly. "I have passions; every man does. But I don't think I've reached a point where I can balance them that well. My point is that you shouldn't dismiss any of your interests. You never know when you might have the chance to enjoy them all." Billy swallows a candy and swivels his chair back to the desk. "Right, paperwork. Best to just get this done so we can talk about other things."
Dominic picks up the top sheet of paper and stares at the form for a moment before he drags the stack closer. It's a thick sheaf full of blank lines, and Dominic digs a pen from inside his bag. "Is this all in triplicate?"
"I believe so."
"Am I giving away my first born?"
"It's possible."
"I think it's a fair trade then, yeah? A philosophy degree in exchange for the family I probably won't have."
For more than a few minutes, there's only the sound of Dominic's pen scratching across paper as he fills in his name and intentions. Billy watches Dominic as he completes the forms, considering Dominic's statement about family, but he's careful to not be caught staring when Dominic lifts his head and offers the papers back to Billy, watching as Billy thumbs through each set in turn. It comes to Dominic, then, just how much he owes to Billy. "Thank you, professor. I just. No one's really. Before. Thank you."
"You're welcome," Billy smiles. "Though it's your work that's earned you this chance, Dom, not mine. I don't suggest this sort of thing to just anyone." Billy leans back, his hands behind his head. "I hate that phrase, I see something in you--it sounds so ... airy, and I don't think of myself as airy. But I do, Dom; I see tremendous things for you if you're willing to work for them, and you must be. I cannot wait to see your progress." Billy stands, pressing Dominic back to his chair when he rises, too. "No, be still. I just thought I might get you a few books to take. I hate it when my guests leave empty-handed."
Billy returns to lean against his desk rather than sit behind it, close now to Dominic, and deposits the books on the desk before he folds his arms across his chest. "Tell me what you thought about that announcement today--the stay of execution for that copse of trees behind the languages building. I noticed you'd signed the petition earlier; well done, lad."
"A friend of mine leads the student group opposed to the construction on campus. He asked me to participate." Two pink splotches appear again high on Dominic's cheeks, but his eyes are bright. Paperwork and school are far from his thoughts. "It's like what you said, where there is no expression, there's defeat and eventual destruction. They're planning a protest, the students." Dominic reaches for the books, reading their titles before he places them back on Billy's desk. He's never done anything like this before, and he feels desperate for Billy's approval. "If the administration doesn't agree to save the copse, we're going to protest."
“Fantastic.” Billy can't temper his excitement at the thought of a group of students willing to fight however they can for the same things Billy would. “Do you have an advisor, you and your friends? I could--help, or at least not hinder. You’ll let me know?” At Dominic’s nod, Billy begins to pace his office. “I can’t believe you remembered that, actually. I talk out of my arse sometimes, Dom, but I meant what I said. I don’t like to see anything or anyone destroyed or defeated. Tell your friends that if I’m welcome, I'll be there behind them.”
"You'd be welcome. Professor Martin from the biology department is our advisor, but you'd be welcome. I think ..." Dominic pauses, unsure of what he means to say or how he means to say it. "I think the students feel like the faculty doesn't really care. I know you do, but the others just don't see it too much. Outside of Professor Martin, no one has really stood up with us."
"I suppose a biology teacher might have an interest in saving those trees," Billy smiles. "I'll email her, see what I can do. I think it's good you're getting involved in more activities, Dom, even if they're not always in your academic interests. Not to say you shouldn't rethink working for the art department," Billy says quickly. "It's good to have something in your pocket as well. You'll still make time to study, though, yes?" Another nod, and the blush in Dominic's cheeks makes Billy smile. "You're allowed t'tell me it's none of my business, Dom, know that."
They both laugh, and then Billy searches through another stack of papers on his desk. "We've got a little while still here, Dom. What d'you say we have a look at the essay you turned in on Thursday? I've made some notes ..." Billy settles into the other guest chair beside Dominic and leans forward, his pen already pointing toward his handwriting in the margins of Dominic's paper.
Their knees almost touch, and for a long moment, that gap of almost an inch is more compelling to Dominic than the words of his essay. It takes all of Dominic's energy to not lean his leg a bit more to make contact with Billy, to tilt his head so that he can better smell Billy's skin and hair. When Billy uses his pen as a pointer to read through another line of Dominic's essay, Dominic is sharply reminded of last Friday, of Billy's fingers on the neck of the guitar, and the more he tries not to think of it--of what he'd thought of when he was alone in bed that night--the sharper the image becomes.
"Could you repeat that?" Dominic asks as he straightens up in his chair, moves his paper a bit and forces himself to think of what he'd read the night before, the tomes that sped along his research and not the poetry he'd read before going to sleep. Forces himself to turn to Billy and listen rather than watch Billy's mouth twist and turn as he forms his words. The professor had loosened his tie at some point and unbuttoned his collar to reveal the slightest bit of skin that Dominic only just now notices as he tries to redirect his attention. Even as Dominic tries to argue for his point, he's aware of the clock--that he's already gone over their short appointment time. He also thinks that he's heard someone in the hall, someone just outside Billy's door. He wonders if it's just a late student worried about his or her essay, or if it's someone waiting for Billy, to take him home for dinner and maybe something more. That image is enough to make his thoughts skitter and force his impassioned speech to fizzle into nothing.
"I forget what I was saying," he mumbles, hating that he blushes when he's flustered or confused or aroused or at any emotion that might reveal what he's thinking. He stares at the papers in his lap, his hands crinkling their edges. He doesn't want to leave, not yet at least. Not before he's had time to ... to what? "Not a great way to start off my philosophy career, is it?" he asks, meaning the paper and not the fact that he can't sit next to his professor without getting a hard-on. "I guess I didn't understand what Hegel was saying."
"Hegel's not easy," Billy smiles. "But you understood more than you think. I liked what you had to say on the misconceptions about his use of Geist--how Hegel's translators may have altered his thoughts to the point where we don't question his intended meaning anymore. You might want to focus on him for further study, considering you can read him in the original German. You might have something t'teach me." Billy scratches a few more lines on Dominic's essay. "There. Read up on Kierkegaard's opposition to Hegel's absolute knowledge, hmm? I've marked up some passages in here--" Billy taps one of the books Dominic will take with him. "Draw some conclusions, and then bring them back to me in a few days. We can talk about it some more, maybe raise your mark just a bit more?"
Billy's attention is momentarily grabbed by another sheet of paper on his desk, just out of the corner of his eye, and he smiles first at the sight, then at Dominic. "And while we're talking about your marks. D'you remember I was telling you about that trip up to St. Andrews? For the Arché conference?" Dominic nods, and Billy does, too. "It's been approved, Dom. Only took a few visits to administration to convince them to actually read the proposal, too, which was refreshing, I have t'tell you. The reason I mention it is because you might want to check your mailbox a bit more regularly, as you've been approved to attend."
"I didn't --" Dominic stops himself and bites his lip when Billy raises his eyebrows.
"Of course you didn't. You don't really get the option of inviting yourself." Billy waits a beat and then laughs, watching Dominic's shoulders relax. "I determine who gets to go, and you've earned the invitation, so." Billy shrugs. "You can say no, of course, but I do think it'll be in your interest to attend. Read all the information when you get it, and read it well, and you can come to me if you've got questions."
Dominic nods, his thoughts already buzzing about a trip to Scotland--where he'll get the money to do more than just sit in workshops and seminars, if he'll be left to his own devices in those seminars and find himself lost in the discussions or worse--but before he can speak any of his concerns, there's a knock at Billy's door, and Billy looks up at the sound, then at the clock.
"I'll be damned," he says softly. "We've run over, Dom, sorry; look, if you have any questions, come see me tomorrow. Did you know Hegel's buried in Berlin?" At this bit of trivia rushing from his own mouth, Billy laughs. "It's not really relevant. I just thought. You lived there, and--" Billy throws a hand in the air. "Doesn't matter. Let me see you out."
Dominic gathers his papers and the books and follows Billy to the door. He stops at the threshold, fumbling for something more to say--something witty to impress Billy--but all he manages is a garbled "thank you" before the door is opened and before them stands Sophie Winters, the student Dominic's beginning to despise for her timing and constant proximity to Billy.
"Professor, I'm so glad I've caught you." The way she's standing seems posed to Dominic, and he hates her for the helpless gesture her hand makes as if in supplication to Billy. He wonders again if she's someone Billy would like, if she's Billy's type. As he steps around her and into the hall, Dominic turns to watch Billy's face for some sign. Even believing that Billy would never get involved with a student, the thought that they could be going home together comes to Dominic, and he’s surprised by the spike of jealousy he feels.
"Sophie, hello," Billy says, gesturing her inside the office. He then catches sight of one of Dominic's notebooks on the floor, and Billy reaches for it, thinking it must have slipped out of his rucksack. It's not the usual sort of notebook Dominic carries; rather, it's a squared-off piece of work, a bit rough in Billy's hands but malleable, too, as if it's been well-loved and handled with a happy kind of carelessness and comfort. Flipping idly through the first few pages, Billy discoveres a scrawled mix of German and English, but doesn't read beyond a first few lines, recognizing that he'd probably shouldn't. "If you'll excuse me for just a moment," he says distractedly to Sophie, and then leaves the office.
He thinks he'll catch up to Dominic before he can escape the building, but after a moment's dash down the hall he finds Dominic's disappeared, and Billy has no real desire to let Sophie remain in his office alone any longer than necessary. He walks back quickly, tucking Dominic's notebook first under his arm and then, once Billy's back in the office, into his briefcase for safekeeping until the next time he sees Dominic in class. Sophie's now in the guest chair Dominic's so recently vacated, and Billy takes his own chair again and a deep breath, too.
"Right," Billy says then, forcing his distractions away in favour of a safer place in his head and the here and now as Sophie looks at him expectantly. "Let's talk about your essay, hmm?"