Book 2, Chapter 2: Acting on a Crush (4)
Title: Acting on a Crush (part 4)
Authors: escribo and kiltsandlollies
Characters: Dominic/Billy
rating: adult
Word count: 3820
Summary: Continuing from here.
Index
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction; the recognizable people in the story belong to themselves and have never performed the actions portrayed here. I do not know the actors nor am I associated with them in any way. If you are underage, please do not read this story. I am not making any profit from these stories, nor do I mean any harm.
When Dominic walks out of Billy's office and down the hall to leave the building, he's struck by how dark and quiet it is. He and Billy must have been the only two left in the building, he realizes, and it gives him a thrill to think of what they've done--what he's started. Outside, standing on the top steps, he pauses, closes his eyes and places his hand on his chest. He takes several gulping breaths, forcing himself to settle down. To decide what to do next.
There's a chance, he knows, that when he goes to Billy's house, he'll not be welcomed once Billy's has time to really think about what's happened. Dominic's body aches, and the adrenaline that's driven him through the evening is wearing off, leaving him exhausted and shaky--doubting and anxious. He's afraid to look at the paper Billy had pushed into his hand, in case it tells him to forget what's happened. That it was a mistake. Dominic is positive it's not a mistake--that this was meant to happen--and he fights to hold on to the confidence that carried him to Billy in the first place.
Calmed, Dominic opens his eyes and looks around at the open courtyard in front of the Humanities building. It's gone late and the sun has set long ago. He finally opens his hand to look at the paper and reads the lines repeatedly.
Choice. Billy's given him the power to choose what will happen with them both--with their relationship, he dares to name it. For Dominic, though, there is no choice. He's loved Billy for weeks but has hidden it away, but tonight, to be in his arms--touched and kissed and fucked hard and well, Dominic can only think of more and better.
The sound of voices carries loudly through the night, startling Dominic from his thoughts, and he jogs carefully down the steps, heading back toward his room, not knowing where else to go but knowing he shouldn't stay there. He's glad he doesn't meet anyone he knows before he can close himself in his room and strip off his jeans and t-shirt.
Standing before the old, cracked mirror that hangs on the inside door of his bureau, Dominic searches his body for evidence of their lovemaking. He finds marks that will darken and bruise by morning and digs his fingertips into the worst of them on his hips, ignoring the pain, to make sure they won't fade. Closing his eyes, he remembers what it felt like to have Billy's hands on his body--his lips and teeth--and he's already half hard again just at the thought. He tips his head back and takes his cock into his fist, squeezing slightly and resisting the urge to do more. Even so, a shiver runs down his spine and over his skin in anticipation for what else this night will bring.
A fast shower, he decides as he drops his hands to his sides and turns from the mirror, so that he can clear his mind and ease the aches in his body, so he can prepare himself for whatever else happens. Tying a towel around his waist, Dominic curses living on campus and having to walk down the hall to the communal shower. He's desperate not to talk to anyone, afraid that the banalities of his everyday life will bring an end to this. He's happy when he makes it there and back with only having to nod at a guy he knows just vaguely, thankfully not Greg, who would have questioned Dominic's silence and the marks on his back that had stung when the water had hit them.
Back in his room, Dominic moves quickly, choosing and discarding other shirts and jeans than the ones he had worn earlier. He worries that he'll look as though he's making too much of an effort--that he's trying too hard or putting too much emphasis on what for Billy may be just a one night stand. While he feels as though Barchi's art is what threw Billy over the line Dominic imagines Billy never thought he would cross, Dominic doesn't want that to be the only image Billy carries. He finally settles on worn out but comfortable jeans that hang, as ever, low on his hips, and a tight blue t-shirt, its design too faded to be legible any longer. His only concession is a trace of eyeliner which he then decides is too much and smudges most of it off.
By the time he's moving back across campus and toward Billy's house, every nerve in his body feels warmed by some small fire. That warmth lasts Dominic for as long as it takes for a bus to near him just a block into his walk. Dominic thinks for a moment before he moves faster toward the stop in front of him and catches the ride, knowing it'll drop him only a few minutes from Billy's house. The walk the rest of the way will steady him, but for now he'll take the small rest and chance to not think in the chattering noise inside the bus. The passengers are talking about events in the town, the city, the world, but Dominic hears none of it; he lets his mind go blank against the sounds until the bus crawls to the stop he wants and he disembarks, puffing out a breath in surprise at the sudden chill in the air. The short walk to Billy's warms him only a little this time, and as he comes around the side and back of the house, he finds he cannot wait to be inside Billy's home for more than just the reason behind Billy's invitation. He raps at the door quickly and rocks back on his heels, waiting, and he doesn't have to wait long. In a matter of seconds, Billy's face appears around the door, one corner of his lips turned up in a smile, and Dominic smiles, too, a blush creeping across his face when Billy's eyes drift down and back up his body.
"You look a bit cold out there,” Billy says kindly, gesturing Dominic inside. “Come have some food.”
Billy had driven halfway home before he'd remembered that he wanted to pick up dinner for himself and Dominic, and in the next minute it had occurred to him that he'd never thought to ask Dominic what he would prefer to eat. Billy had frowned at his reflection in the rearview mirror and written it off as another symptom of his own selfishness before he'd pulled the car over in front of the small Chinese restaurant he frequents on the weekends. He'd moved in and out of the little place in under ten minutes, having ordered a bit of everything on impulse, and had determined to package anything left up for Dominic to take with him, after--well, after.
Billy had lucked into a parking space thirty steps from the door of his home and juggled his briefcase and the large bag of food on his way to that door, certain that Dominic had yet to arrive. Billy figured he had time to find a few beers--the combination of beer and Chinese food being one of Billy’s chief evening joys--and to cast his eyes over the few rooms of his house for anything incriminating or more untidy than Dominic would already expect to see.
That done Billy had retreated to his bedroom, where he'd shucked the blazer and tie he’d worn most of the day and rolled his sleeves up, unbuttoning the shirt again at the neck and feeling the vague little marks at his throat when the fabric moved agains them. He'd runs his hands through his hair, just a bit of a check, that’s all, nothing fancy, and had washed his hands and face before he'd thought even better of things and stepped into his own shower for just minutes, hurriedly cleaning up in anticipation of things he wasn't about to overthink now. When he'd caught his reflection in the mirror afterward, Billy had seen the image of a somewhat satisfied, if nervous, man, and he'd liked what he seen. Just remember to eat first, Billy had reminded himself as he'd toweled off a little too vigorously; remember it's not just you on the possible block here.
He'd dressed again and wandered down the hall then, and been surprised by the knock at the back door. But now, as Dominic follows Billy to the table covered with take-away boxes, Billy watches Dominic's eyes grow round with amazement. Dominic stomach grumbles and he rubs at it, embarrassed, but tries to remember what he’d eaten last: an apple this morning before class and before that a frozen shepherd’s pie as his meal yesterday. But now, he has a veritable feast before him and Billy's setting him down in a chair, lightly rubbing heat into his shoulders. “It’s just for the two of us?”
He smiles at Billy’s answering laugh and watches as Billy opens box after box explaining what is inside each before picking up his chopsticks. Dominic feels clumsy picking up his own set, trying to imitate how Billy has them held.
"I'm afraid I'm not nearly as mild-mannered when faced with a menu, Dom," Billy smiles, doling out napkins and packages of multi-coloured sauces. "I panicked. I think I ordered everything but the owner's daughter." Billy swipes his hair back from his forehead, catching Dominic's stare at the chopsticks, and he moves behind Dominic, running his hand lightly across Dominic's shoulder blades as he walks. "Can't believe I forgot the beer, too."
Dominic maneuvers a piece of asparagus to his mouth with the chopsticks and Billy pushes a bottle of beer his way before he sits back down, content to allow both of them a few minutes silence in which to eat. He's a bit alarmed, though, by the rate at which Dominic is eating, at the confirmed notion that Dominic is not taking good care of himself. When Dominic looks up, he finds Billy studying him and he feels self-conscious, shy, in a way that is ridiculous to him--especially after this afternoon. He’s always been comfortable with Billy, even if a little awed sometimes. But to be here, alone together, in his house--
"I think you should try some of these," Billy says lightly, pouring an enormous portion of mixed vegetables next to the already impressive amount of food on Dominic's plate. Billy reaches then for his bottle and holds it for a moment, scraping at the label as his thoughts scatter around, too fast for Billy to settle on any particular one. "We should toast to someone. Something."
Dominic sets down his chopsticks and picks up his bottle. He closes his eyes for a minute, thinking-allowing himself to pretend that this is more, that there will be more than just this night. “I think … I think we should toast Dr. Wagner. He encouraged me to take your class, though I think it was only to ensure I wouldn’t be in his German lit class that was at the same time.” Dominic laughs, then imitates his old advisor, “I’m thinking, Herr Monaghan, that you should be taking philosophy courses. I hear they all have the fortitude of Gandhi in that department. Perhaps they have someone there who will have the patience to teach you as you need to be taught." Dominic stops, laughing again at the memory of his old professor. "I miss him. He was a good teacher and I was sorry at his passing last quarter, especially since he brought you into my life.”
Dominic blushes at having spoken so openly. He holds his glass steady, staring down at his plate while waiting for Billy to say something. He'd smiled broadly at Dominic's imitation of Dr. Wagner, at the spot-on accent and mannerisms, and Dominic thinks he can see the warmth of remembrance of Wagner in Billy's eyes.
"Of Gandhi, eh?" Billy smiles gently. "He was a good teacher, you're right. And a good man. We should all be so kind. To Wagner, then." Billy raises his bottle and touches it to Dominic's before taking a healthy swig, and then Billy leans forward and returns his attention to his plate. As he eats, his mind races. There are hundreds of things he would like to do for, with and to Dominic. Many of them involve keeping a closer eye on his student, making sure his grades are in good shape and that he is staying healthy, but now, after this afternoon, this evening, many more of them involve giving Dominic release of several different kinds, and in that release Billy plans to find his own. He knows better than to simply write off Dominic as a fling, a one-nighter. Billy is obligated to care for Dominic Monaghan as an advisor might, as a teacher should, nothing more, but Dominic had come to Billy and bared his soul long before he'd bared his body, and Billy knows that now everything has changed. He hasn't promised Dominic anything more than tonight, but Billy already believes he can do much more for Dominic than advise him on his studies. Billy could be very good to and for Dominic, or at least would like to be, to the limits of their mutual safety; that they're both very much in need of safety here is not something he particulary wants to think about now.
Billy leans back in his chair and yawns, his body stretching hard, up and out, and then resettling. He runs one hand lazily across his face, and finds that Dominic's eating has slowed, and his face is now tight with emotion.
"Go on, Dom," Billy says quietly. "What are you thinking?"
Dominic shrugs, turning his bottle in his palms, around and around. "That this is different. From last time, I mean. Last time I was here."
Billy hums. "Last time you were in my kitchen you told me things I don't even know you heard yourself say."
"I did, though." Dominic looks up, his hands stilling. "I trusted you, and I wanted you to know--I would have told you a lot more, but." Billy raises his eyebrows, and Dominic tilts his head, looks back down at the table and smiles, leaving Billy shocked for the moment that this is the same young man in Barchi's pictures, the same young man Billy'd just had on the floor of his offce. Before Billy can give or take another second's thought on it, Dominic continues. "I thought it wouldn't be anything you wanted to hear. I couldn't--put you in that place, like."
Billy looks up at the ceiling and takes a deep breath, tipping his chair back a little before he answers. "You might've been right not to. I couldn't have done anything for you, Dom; I can barely do this. I'm not saying it right," he says, and he squints, a bit frustrated, at the flourescent lights above them. "I think I knew. I think I understood what you were trying to tell me, but it wouldn't have been right, not then, and it's not all that right now. It doesn't have to be. I think we can just--" He stops when he feels the bottle's label fall off completely into his hand. "Live dangerously for a bit. I think we're owed that. I think we've earned that."
He meets Dominic's eyes then, in time to see Dominic release a breath he seems to have held far too long. "If you're finished, Dom, do me a favour and get some music going, yeah? You know where the player is. Just pick something, and I'll take care of the rest of this." Dominic's expression is still nervous, and Billy moves closer, leaning on the table and crossing his arms on his chest. "I want you to trust me, Dom," he says softly. "You're welcome here-I want you here. Take a look around, fix yourself a proper drink. I'll be out in a minute."
Dominic looks back up to Billy and nods, his voice quiet. “I do trust you.”
He’s rewarded with a smile from Billy before he’s being pulled from his chair and pushed gently from the kitchen. Walking into the front room, Dominic finds it’s exactly as he remembered. He stands in the center of the room, rubbing his full stomach and looking around-taking it in, memorizing. He sees the CD collection and begins looking at the eclectic mix, trying to decide what would be appropriate. He decides on Ella Fitzgerald--he has happy memories of her voice in his own family's house, when he was younger--and he turns the volume low.
Still waiting for Billy, Dominic reads the titles from a shelf of books, his hands in his pockets and his head cocked to the side. At a grouping of pictures, he tries to decide which are of Billy’s family before picking up a small photo of a boy he knows must be Billy standing next to a slightly older, taller girl. He smiles softly, liking that Billy's holding the girl’s hand and looking up to her as if she was adored, which Dom’s sure she was. Gently replacing the picture, he turns to find Billy standing in the doorway with his arms crossed over his chest, studying Dominic.
“My sister, Margaret,” Billy says softly. “She still lives in Glasgow. I haven't seen her for months.” He sighs and looks down at the bottle still in his hand, taking a drink before he continues. “Come and sit, Dom.”
Billy gestures to the couch, watching Dominic sit quietly on the edge, too nervous to relax into the cushions. Billy's eyebrows knit first in confusion, then in concern. He feels like he is making Dominic nervous, even after everything else that has happened this day, and he's not quite sure what to do next. After a moment, Billy makes the decision to take this slowly; he'll do what's necessary to make Dominic calm down and enjoy this night, because Billy has every intention of enjoying it.
He places his glass on the end table and moves to stand in front of Dominic. Dominic's eyes go wide and very blue, and Billy cannot hide the small, half-smirking smile that crosses his face. “Don't be afraid of me,” he tells Dominic, and leans down to rest his hands on Dominic's shoulders. He presses Dominic back into the cushions and brings their faces nearly to touch. “Can't imagine how you would be, after that. I said I wanted you here,” Billy says. “Don't question it, even in your head, are we clear?”
Dominic nods and Billy kisses him, just a soft brush of his lips over Dominic's, then pulls away when Dominic relaxes. He runs a hand through Dominic's shaggy hair, then sits down on the couch, slouching in a way he never does in his class and rarely in his office. In any other situation, Billy might be hearing warning bells again as every second passes, but for now he's well-fed and warmed by drink and fascinated by the nervous creature only a few feet away from him, and Billy's chosen not to think any more tonight about the negative possibilities of what's he's doing, what they're doing. It's only willpower and etiquette now that's keeping him from turning Dominic over and fucking him into the upholstery. Willpower, etiquette, and the desire to make this better for Dominic than what they've already done.
“Good choice, Mr. Monaghan,” he repeats, more quietly this time. "I don't plan to make you regret it."
“I wasn’t sure. I mean, I’m sure about what I feel, but I wasn’t sure that you would ... I didn't know if you were--I wasn’t sure.” Dominic blushes, ducking his head, his long eyelashes brushing his cheeks. He dares to move closer, resting his head in the crook of Billy’s neck and sliding his hand over Billy's chest to rest on his waist. “I couldn’t make any other decision after--”
Leaning his head back, Dominic places a chaste kiss on Billy’s cheek, waits a moment to make sure it’s welcome, and then kisses him again before moving even closer to Billy, closing his eyes against the butterflies in his stomach. “I remember the first thing you said to me. Not to me as just one of your students, but as a person. You were angry about the trees being torn up for another administration building. You said that even if our opinions don't mean anything in the end, we still have to ... express them. We have to say what we think and believe. Not in those words," Dominic says hurriedly. "But that's what you meant. That's what I I felt you were saying." Dominic shakes his head. “It made me feel like you were speaking to me as an equal, like a friend. I can’t remember the rest of the conversation, but I felt like …” Dominic lets his voice trail off. Emboldened suddenly by his memories, he kisses Billy’s neck gently.
"I remember that," Billy nods, allowing Dominic to press soft, gentle kisses on his face, on his neck. He wonders how many times Dominic has imagined this, and when Dominic's hand grazes his waist, Billy moves into the touch, shifting his hips so Dominic can better touch and feel what he wants. Billy's already feeling the need rise and burn inside him, and he forces himself to pay attention to Dominic's words. "I was angry over that business, even wrote a letter about it, if you can imagine. Some good it did. I was distracted that day, but you told me I wasn't talking nonsense, and it was--well, it's good to believe that sometimes. There's not a lot I do believe in." Billy pauses and then laughs shortly before he meets Dominic's eyes and his voice grows softer. "You're so damned open, Dom. I hear you in the halls and your voice carries. Your thoughts carry. I can't believe you held this in for so long."
Billy's hands fall to Dominic's sides, running underneath the thin fabric of the t-shirt, before Billy moves his head, angling to kiss Dominic back, harder than Dominic has done to him. He pulls forward until Dominic is stretched almost completely on top of him, arching his hips just enough that Dominic can feel him, and raises one hand to curve in Dominic's hair, bringing him down so Billy can kiss him again, his teeth plunging lightly into Dominic's bottom lip. Dominic releases a soft, excited noise, and Billy smiles.
"You're going to make more decisions tonight, Dominic." Billy murmurs, pushing at the fabric of Dominic's t-shirt. His fingers travel up to touch Dominic's stomach and chest. "That might have been the hardest."
Authors: escribo and kiltsandlollies
Characters: Dominic/Billy
rating: adult
Word count: 3820
Summary: Continuing from here.
Index
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction; the recognizable people in the story belong to themselves and have never performed the actions portrayed here. I do not know the actors nor am I associated with them in any way. If you are underage, please do not read this story. I am not making any profit from these stories, nor do I mean any harm.
When Dominic walks out of Billy's office and down the hall to leave the building, he's struck by how dark and quiet it is. He and Billy must have been the only two left in the building, he realizes, and it gives him a thrill to think of what they've done--what he's started. Outside, standing on the top steps, he pauses, closes his eyes and places his hand on his chest. He takes several gulping breaths, forcing himself to settle down. To decide what to do next.
There's a chance, he knows, that when he goes to Billy's house, he'll not be welcomed once Billy's has time to really think about what's happened. Dominic's body aches, and the adrenaline that's driven him through the evening is wearing off, leaving him exhausted and shaky--doubting and anxious. He's afraid to look at the paper Billy had pushed into his hand, in case it tells him to forget what's happened. That it was a mistake. Dominic is positive it's not a mistake--that this was meant to happen--and he fights to hold on to the confidence that carried him to Billy in the first place.
Calmed, Dominic opens his eyes and looks around at the open courtyard in front of the Humanities building. It's gone late and the sun has set long ago. He finally opens his hand to look at the paper and reads the lines repeatedly.
Choice. Billy's given him the power to choose what will happen with them both--with their relationship, he dares to name it. For Dominic, though, there is no choice. He's loved Billy for weeks but has hidden it away, but tonight, to be in his arms--touched and kissed and fucked hard and well, Dominic can only think of more and better.
The sound of voices carries loudly through the night, startling Dominic from his thoughts, and he jogs carefully down the steps, heading back toward his room, not knowing where else to go but knowing he shouldn't stay there. He's glad he doesn't meet anyone he knows before he can close himself in his room and strip off his jeans and t-shirt.
Standing before the old, cracked mirror that hangs on the inside door of his bureau, Dominic searches his body for evidence of their lovemaking. He finds marks that will darken and bruise by morning and digs his fingertips into the worst of them on his hips, ignoring the pain, to make sure they won't fade. Closing his eyes, he remembers what it felt like to have Billy's hands on his body--his lips and teeth--and he's already half hard again just at the thought. He tips his head back and takes his cock into his fist, squeezing slightly and resisting the urge to do more. Even so, a shiver runs down his spine and over his skin in anticipation for what else this night will bring.
A fast shower, he decides as he drops his hands to his sides and turns from the mirror, so that he can clear his mind and ease the aches in his body, so he can prepare himself for whatever else happens. Tying a towel around his waist, Dominic curses living on campus and having to walk down the hall to the communal shower. He's desperate not to talk to anyone, afraid that the banalities of his everyday life will bring an end to this. He's happy when he makes it there and back with only having to nod at a guy he knows just vaguely, thankfully not Greg, who would have questioned Dominic's silence and the marks on his back that had stung when the water had hit them.
Back in his room, Dominic moves quickly, choosing and discarding other shirts and jeans than the ones he had worn earlier. He worries that he'll look as though he's making too much of an effort--that he's trying too hard or putting too much emphasis on what for Billy may be just a one night stand. While he feels as though Barchi's art is what threw Billy over the line Dominic imagines Billy never thought he would cross, Dominic doesn't want that to be the only image Billy carries. He finally settles on worn out but comfortable jeans that hang, as ever, low on his hips, and a tight blue t-shirt, its design too faded to be legible any longer. His only concession is a trace of eyeliner which he then decides is too much and smudges most of it off.
By the time he's moving back across campus and toward Billy's house, every nerve in his body feels warmed by some small fire. That warmth lasts Dominic for as long as it takes for a bus to near him just a block into his walk. Dominic thinks for a moment before he moves faster toward the stop in front of him and catches the ride, knowing it'll drop him only a few minutes from Billy's house. The walk the rest of the way will steady him, but for now he'll take the small rest and chance to not think in the chattering noise inside the bus. The passengers are talking about events in the town, the city, the world, but Dominic hears none of it; he lets his mind go blank against the sounds until the bus crawls to the stop he wants and he disembarks, puffing out a breath in surprise at the sudden chill in the air. The short walk to Billy's warms him only a little this time, and as he comes around the side and back of the house, he finds he cannot wait to be inside Billy's home for more than just the reason behind Billy's invitation. He raps at the door quickly and rocks back on his heels, waiting, and he doesn't have to wait long. In a matter of seconds, Billy's face appears around the door, one corner of his lips turned up in a smile, and Dominic smiles, too, a blush creeping across his face when Billy's eyes drift down and back up his body.
"You look a bit cold out there,” Billy says kindly, gesturing Dominic inside. “Come have some food.”
Billy had driven halfway home before he'd remembered that he wanted to pick up dinner for himself and Dominic, and in the next minute it had occurred to him that he'd never thought to ask Dominic what he would prefer to eat. Billy had frowned at his reflection in the rearview mirror and written it off as another symptom of his own selfishness before he'd pulled the car over in front of the small Chinese restaurant he frequents on the weekends. He'd moved in and out of the little place in under ten minutes, having ordered a bit of everything on impulse, and had determined to package anything left up for Dominic to take with him, after--well, after.
Billy had lucked into a parking space thirty steps from the door of his home and juggled his briefcase and the large bag of food on his way to that door, certain that Dominic had yet to arrive. Billy figured he had time to find a few beers--the combination of beer and Chinese food being one of Billy’s chief evening joys--and to cast his eyes over the few rooms of his house for anything incriminating or more untidy than Dominic would already expect to see.
That done Billy had retreated to his bedroom, where he'd shucked the blazer and tie he’d worn most of the day and rolled his sleeves up, unbuttoning the shirt again at the neck and feeling the vague little marks at his throat when the fabric moved agains them. He'd runs his hands through his hair, just a bit of a check, that’s all, nothing fancy, and had washed his hands and face before he'd thought even better of things and stepped into his own shower for just minutes, hurriedly cleaning up in anticipation of things he wasn't about to overthink now. When he'd caught his reflection in the mirror afterward, Billy had seen the image of a somewhat satisfied, if nervous, man, and he'd liked what he seen. Just remember to eat first, Billy had reminded himself as he'd toweled off a little too vigorously; remember it's not just you on the possible block here.
He'd dressed again and wandered down the hall then, and been surprised by the knock at the back door. But now, as Dominic follows Billy to the table covered with take-away boxes, Billy watches Dominic's eyes grow round with amazement. Dominic stomach grumbles and he rubs at it, embarrassed, but tries to remember what he’d eaten last: an apple this morning before class and before that a frozen shepherd’s pie as his meal yesterday. But now, he has a veritable feast before him and Billy's setting him down in a chair, lightly rubbing heat into his shoulders. “It’s just for the two of us?”
He smiles at Billy’s answering laugh and watches as Billy opens box after box explaining what is inside each before picking up his chopsticks. Dominic feels clumsy picking up his own set, trying to imitate how Billy has them held.
"I'm afraid I'm not nearly as mild-mannered when faced with a menu, Dom," Billy smiles, doling out napkins and packages of multi-coloured sauces. "I panicked. I think I ordered everything but the owner's daughter." Billy swipes his hair back from his forehead, catching Dominic's stare at the chopsticks, and he moves behind Dominic, running his hand lightly across Dominic's shoulder blades as he walks. "Can't believe I forgot the beer, too."
Dominic maneuvers a piece of asparagus to his mouth with the chopsticks and Billy pushes a bottle of beer his way before he sits back down, content to allow both of them a few minutes silence in which to eat. He's a bit alarmed, though, by the rate at which Dominic is eating, at the confirmed notion that Dominic is not taking good care of himself. When Dominic looks up, he finds Billy studying him and he feels self-conscious, shy, in a way that is ridiculous to him--especially after this afternoon. He’s always been comfortable with Billy, even if a little awed sometimes. But to be here, alone together, in his house--
"I think you should try some of these," Billy says lightly, pouring an enormous portion of mixed vegetables next to the already impressive amount of food on Dominic's plate. Billy reaches then for his bottle and holds it for a moment, scraping at the label as his thoughts scatter around, too fast for Billy to settle on any particular one. "We should toast to someone. Something."
Dominic sets down his chopsticks and picks up his bottle. He closes his eyes for a minute, thinking-allowing himself to pretend that this is more, that there will be more than just this night. “I think … I think we should toast Dr. Wagner. He encouraged me to take your class, though I think it was only to ensure I wouldn’t be in his German lit class that was at the same time.” Dominic laughs, then imitates his old advisor, “I’m thinking, Herr Monaghan, that you should be taking philosophy courses. I hear they all have the fortitude of Gandhi in that department. Perhaps they have someone there who will have the patience to teach you as you need to be taught." Dominic stops, laughing again at the memory of his old professor. "I miss him. He was a good teacher and I was sorry at his passing last quarter, especially since he brought you into my life.”
Dominic blushes at having spoken so openly. He holds his glass steady, staring down at his plate while waiting for Billy to say something. He'd smiled broadly at Dominic's imitation of Dr. Wagner, at the spot-on accent and mannerisms, and Dominic thinks he can see the warmth of remembrance of Wagner in Billy's eyes.
"Of Gandhi, eh?" Billy smiles gently. "He was a good teacher, you're right. And a good man. We should all be so kind. To Wagner, then." Billy raises his bottle and touches it to Dominic's before taking a healthy swig, and then Billy leans forward and returns his attention to his plate. As he eats, his mind races. There are hundreds of things he would like to do for, with and to Dominic. Many of them involve keeping a closer eye on his student, making sure his grades are in good shape and that he is staying healthy, but now, after this afternoon, this evening, many more of them involve giving Dominic release of several different kinds, and in that release Billy plans to find his own. He knows better than to simply write off Dominic as a fling, a one-nighter. Billy is obligated to care for Dominic Monaghan as an advisor might, as a teacher should, nothing more, but Dominic had come to Billy and bared his soul long before he'd bared his body, and Billy knows that now everything has changed. He hasn't promised Dominic anything more than tonight, but Billy already believes he can do much more for Dominic than advise him on his studies. Billy could be very good to and for Dominic, or at least would like to be, to the limits of their mutual safety; that they're both very much in need of safety here is not something he particulary wants to think about now.
Billy leans back in his chair and yawns, his body stretching hard, up and out, and then resettling. He runs one hand lazily across his face, and finds that Dominic's eating has slowed, and his face is now tight with emotion.
"Go on, Dom," Billy says quietly. "What are you thinking?"
Dominic shrugs, turning his bottle in his palms, around and around. "That this is different. From last time, I mean. Last time I was here."
Billy hums. "Last time you were in my kitchen you told me things I don't even know you heard yourself say."
"I did, though." Dominic looks up, his hands stilling. "I trusted you, and I wanted you to know--I would have told you a lot more, but." Billy raises his eyebrows, and Dominic tilts his head, looks back down at the table and smiles, leaving Billy shocked for the moment that this is the same young man in Barchi's pictures, the same young man Billy'd just had on the floor of his offce. Before Billy can give or take another second's thought on it, Dominic continues. "I thought it wouldn't be anything you wanted to hear. I couldn't--put you in that place, like."
Billy looks up at the ceiling and takes a deep breath, tipping his chair back a little before he answers. "You might've been right not to. I couldn't have done anything for you, Dom; I can barely do this. I'm not saying it right," he says, and he squints, a bit frustrated, at the flourescent lights above them. "I think I knew. I think I understood what you were trying to tell me, but it wouldn't have been right, not then, and it's not all that right now. It doesn't have to be. I think we can just--" He stops when he feels the bottle's label fall off completely into his hand. "Live dangerously for a bit. I think we're owed that. I think we've earned that."
He meets Dominic's eyes then, in time to see Dominic release a breath he seems to have held far too long. "If you're finished, Dom, do me a favour and get some music going, yeah? You know where the player is. Just pick something, and I'll take care of the rest of this." Dominic's expression is still nervous, and Billy moves closer, leaning on the table and crossing his arms on his chest. "I want you to trust me, Dom," he says softly. "You're welcome here-I want you here. Take a look around, fix yourself a proper drink. I'll be out in a minute."
Dominic looks back up to Billy and nods, his voice quiet. “I do trust you.”
He’s rewarded with a smile from Billy before he’s being pulled from his chair and pushed gently from the kitchen. Walking into the front room, Dominic finds it’s exactly as he remembered. He stands in the center of the room, rubbing his full stomach and looking around-taking it in, memorizing. He sees the CD collection and begins looking at the eclectic mix, trying to decide what would be appropriate. He decides on Ella Fitzgerald--he has happy memories of her voice in his own family's house, when he was younger--and he turns the volume low.
Still waiting for Billy, Dominic reads the titles from a shelf of books, his hands in his pockets and his head cocked to the side. At a grouping of pictures, he tries to decide which are of Billy’s family before picking up a small photo of a boy he knows must be Billy standing next to a slightly older, taller girl. He smiles softly, liking that Billy's holding the girl’s hand and looking up to her as if she was adored, which Dom’s sure she was. Gently replacing the picture, he turns to find Billy standing in the doorway with his arms crossed over his chest, studying Dominic.
“My sister, Margaret,” Billy says softly. “She still lives in Glasgow. I haven't seen her for months.” He sighs and looks down at the bottle still in his hand, taking a drink before he continues. “Come and sit, Dom.”
Billy gestures to the couch, watching Dominic sit quietly on the edge, too nervous to relax into the cushions. Billy's eyebrows knit first in confusion, then in concern. He feels like he is making Dominic nervous, even after everything else that has happened this day, and he's not quite sure what to do next. After a moment, Billy makes the decision to take this slowly; he'll do what's necessary to make Dominic calm down and enjoy this night, because Billy has every intention of enjoying it.
He places his glass on the end table and moves to stand in front of Dominic. Dominic's eyes go wide and very blue, and Billy cannot hide the small, half-smirking smile that crosses his face. “Don't be afraid of me,” he tells Dominic, and leans down to rest his hands on Dominic's shoulders. He presses Dominic back into the cushions and brings their faces nearly to touch. “Can't imagine how you would be, after that. I said I wanted you here,” Billy says. “Don't question it, even in your head, are we clear?”
Dominic nods and Billy kisses him, just a soft brush of his lips over Dominic's, then pulls away when Dominic relaxes. He runs a hand through Dominic's shaggy hair, then sits down on the couch, slouching in a way he never does in his class and rarely in his office. In any other situation, Billy might be hearing warning bells again as every second passes, but for now he's well-fed and warmed by drink and fascinated by the nervous creature only a few feet away from him, and Billy's chosen not to think any more tonight about the negative possibilities of what's he's doing, what they're doing. It's only willpower and etiquette now that's keeping him from turning Dominic over and fucking him into the upholstery. Willpower, etiquette, and the desire to make this better for Dominic than what they've already done.
“Good choice, Mr. Monaghan,” he repeats, more quietly this time. "I don't plan to make you regret it."
“I wasn’t sure. I mean, I’m sure about what I feel, but I wasn’t sure that you would ... I didn't know if you were--I wasn’t sure.” Dominic blushes, ducking his head, his long eyelashes brushing his cheeks. He dares to move closer, resting his head in the crook of Billy’s neck and sliding his hand over Billy's chest to rest on his waist. “I couldn’t make any other decision after--”
Leaning his head back, Dominic places a chaste kiss on Billy’s cheek, waits a moment to make sure it’s welcome, and then kisses him again before moving even closer to Billy, closing his eyes against the butterflies in his stomach. “I remember the first thing you said to me. Not to me as just one of your students, but as a person. You were angry about the trees being torn up for another administration building. You said that even if our opinions don't mean anything in the end, we still have to ... express them. We have to say what we think and believe. Not in those words," Dominic says hurriedly. "But that's what you meant. That's what I I felt you were saying." Dominic shakes his head. “It made me feel like you were speaking to me as an equal, like a friend. I can’t remember the rest of the conversation, but I felt like …” Dominic lets his voice trail off. Emboldened suddenly by his memories, he kisses Billy’s neck gently.
"I remember that," Billy nods, allowing Dominic to press soft, gentle kisses on his face, on his neck. He wonders how many times Dominic has imagined this, and when Dominic's hand grazes his waist, Billy moves into the touch, shifting his hips so Dominic can better touch and feel what he wants. Billy's already feeling the need rise and burn inside him, and he forces himself to pay attention to Dominic's words. "I was angry over that business, even wrote a letter about it, if you can imagine. Some good it did. I was distracted that day, but you told me I wasn't talking nonsense, and it was--well, it's good to believe that sometimes. There's not a lot I do believe in." Billy pauses and then laughs shortly before he meets Dominic's eyes and his voice grows softer. "You're so damned open, Dom. I hear you in the halls and your voice carries. Your thoughts carry. I can't believe you held this in for so long."
Billy's hands fall to Dominic's sides, running underneath the thin fabric of the t-shirt, before Billy moves his head, angling to kiss Dominic back, harder than Dominic has done to him. He pulls forward until Dominic is stretched almost completely on top of him, arching his hips just enough that Dominic can feel him, and raises one hand to curve in Dominic's hair, bringing him down so Billy can kiss him again, his teeth plunging lightly into Dominic's bottom lip. Dominic releases a soft, excited noise, and Billy smiles.
"You're going to make more decisions tonight, Dominic." Billy murmurs, pushing at the fabric of Dominic's t-shirt. His fingers travel up to touch Dominic's stomach and chest. "That might have been the hardest."