Book 2, Chapter 15: Watch It Come Clearer (2/2)
Title: Watch It Come Clearer (2/2)
Authors: kiltsandlollies and escribo
Characters: Billy/Dominic
Word count: 3258
Summary: Continues from here.
Index
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction; the recognizable people in the story belong to themselves and have never performed the actions portrayed here. I do not know the actors nor am I associated with them in any way. If you are underage, please do not read this story. I am not making any profit from these stories, nor do I mean any harm.
Dominic feels their roles switch as soon as Billy begins to move from the couch. The familiar unease of always being the one cared for, always feeling as if he needs to be protected, comes back to him, and he wonders if it will always be like this. If Billy won't ever allow Dominic to return the care he's shown, for whatever reason.
"To sleep, Billy," Dominic says quietly, following Billy to stand but reaching for him, keeping Billy from wandering too far without him. He slides his hand down Billy's back and then up under the corner of his shirt, finding Billy's skin warm and smooth. "You said you were tired. Let me take care of you. Please."
Dominic's hand is soft on Billy's back, and Billy arches into the touch, still bothered by the idea that he needs to be taken care of in any fashion, but acknowledging it with a nod. They make their slow way back to Billy's bedroom, causing none of their usual laughing destruction as they go. Billy can see Dominic peer back over his shoulder once to the front room and the chaos they've left behind there, and Billy turns his tired smile away from Dominic's view, amused that they've abandoned their meal, the work Billy had planned, and possibly their senses, too, all in the hope that sleep will solve everything. It won't, Billy thinks; it never does, but it's a nice thought, one they can hold on to for the moment. And Billy won't pretend he's not feeling some relief as they stumble into the bedroom; he lets his mind go blank when he feels the back of knees hit the mattress and he falls with a happily resigned exhale.
Dominic laughs at the sound but he understands it; his thoughts have already jumped to wondering if he could convince Billy to stay home tomorrow--to take a day off to rest and finish whatever he's put off tonight--but that idea's easily pushed aside when Billy smiles tiredly and reaches for him. "Come here," Billy says quietly. "Come here to me, chiontach."
Dominic is more than happy to oblige. Kneeling on the bed, he pushes Billy's shirt up just a bit and kisses his stomach, smiling when Billy releases a little noise of pleasure and squirms a bit under the touch, ticklish but too tired to argue or move away entirely. Dominic rests there between Billy's legs and begins unbuttoning Billy's shirt as his tongue swirls into Billy's navel--grazing his teeth along Billy's stomach and upwards. Reaching the last button, he pushes the shirt open, letting his fingertips stroke Billy's nipples before descending with his mouth to lick and suck.
Billy's hands find Dominic as well, caressing Dominic's shoulder and upper arm, squeezing the muscle there before Billy tugs at the sweater he'd encouraged Dominic to take from his own closet, his hand moving underneath even the t-shirt to find Dominic's now warm skin. He's eager, in a tired, slightly clumsy way he recognizes is doing neither of them any favours, but it's the best encouragement he can give, the best apology he can offer Dominic now.
"Off, off," Billy murmurs when Dominic looks up from his work. "Want to feel you." Dominic nods and pushes at the fabric too, helping Billy strip him to the waist. Billy raises his knees and pulls Dominic up closer between his legs and against his chest, dragging him down for another kiss. Billy reaches with one hand for Dominic's, and just stops himself before he grabs the injured hand. "Perfect. Y'feel fucking brilliant-"
Billy stops himself, hearing his own voice slurry from tiredness and drink. He trails his hands now down Dominic's back until they slide inside Dominic's jeans, his short fingernails raking Dominic's skin. "There you are," Billy says, his attempt at a smirk tempered by the sound of his voice. "Consider yourself trapped."
"'s where I want to be," Dominic laughs quietly, happy to follow where Billy's mood has travelled. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you were drunk. Doesn't matter, though." Raising his head a bit, Dominic smiles gently, relaxing now that it seems the Billy he knows has returned. "I don't mind being trapped by you."
"Y'say that now--"
"I'll keep saying it." Dominic kisses Billy again, waiting until he feels Billy's argument leave him before he begins to trail the kisses back down Billy's chest.
"Don't make me leave," Dominic murmurs against Billy's warm skin, both hoping and fearing that Billy hears him. "Promise you'll let me stay with you."
Billy nods, unsure exactly to what he's agreeing but unable to deny Dominic anything now. Dominic smiles again and rises back up to kneel, straddling Billy's hips. Dominic holds Billy's stare as he unbuttons his own jeans, pushing them down just enough to release his cock. Running his good hand down the shaft, encouraging it just that little bit before it's fully erect, Dominic continues to touch himself as Billy's focus goes soft to sharp and back again. "What do you want me to do, Billy?"
"I want to watch you," Billy says, his voice raspy with need now. He raises his knees again to support Dominic's back and traces his hands down Dominic's hips and thighs as Dominic watches something newly familiar rise up in Billy's eyes. "And then you're going to fuck me, Dominic--"
"Billy--" Dominic feels his cheeks and throat flush dark and hot, but Billy's fingers drift over the head of his cock and Dominic's silenced.
"You said y'trusted me," Billy murmurs, and Dominic nods. "So show me."
Dominic can see and feel Billy's need now, can tell how much he's wanted. That's all Dominic needs to give over, closing his eyes and tipping his head back. He rests his sore hand on his thigh and uses his other to stroke his cock.
Since the moment Dominic first confessed that he'd done this--brought himself off to thoughts of Billy--Billy has wanted to see Dominic do just that. But here, now, Billy finds it almost impossible to just let it happen, to just watch. That Dominic would show him this with hardly a second's thought speaks of something Billy can't comprehend in his exhaustion but feels nonetheless.
Dominic doesn't hold back, but groans quietly, murmuring Billy's name and begging him to touch, to make him come. He takes Billy's hand and leads him to caress his chest. Billy's fingers trail over Dominic's ropy stomach muscles, brush gently and dance around and on hard, flat nipples that rise to his touch, and scratch lightly at the coarse, dark hair between Dominic's legs. Dominic's cock feels warm and heavy in his hand, and when he drags his thumb over the head and then to his mouth, opening his eyes as he sucks in his thumb, he finds that he loves the sight beneath him more than he can say and is quick to bend down to capture Billy's mouth in a kiss.
Pulling away, he rests his bad hand against Billy's reddened cheek and reaches the other down to unfasten Billy's jeans. "Soon? Are you ready for me?"
"Ready," Billy nods. "For you. Yours, anything, just come on." Billy raises his hips and helps Dominic tug the jeans and Billy's boxers down and away and then he sits up with some effort to remove his shirt. As soon as he's freed himself from the material, he pulls Dominic close, falling back to the bed again with Dominic in his arms as his eyes and voice clear, nearly challenging Dominic. "Come on. Hard, Dom. Don't want to feel anything but you."
Dominic nods, kissing Billy again. He knows what Billy thinks he wants, but isn't exactly sure how to give it to him; he's never been in a position to fuck anyone as hard as Billy's fucked him, and he's not going to test Billy now, not when Billy's far enough gone that it's even slightly possible he doesn't know himself what he's asking for. But what Dominic can do, he knows he can do brilliantly; he can make Billy feel fantastic without dragging them both down somewhere they shouldn't go tonight, in this mood. Drawing his hand down Billy's body, following with his lips, Dominic slows them down again, breathing words against Billy's skin--words he can't and doesn't dare say out loud but wants Billy to feel nonetheless--words and feelings he wants returned.
Kissing Billy's hipbones, Dominic takes Billy's cock into his hand--twisting lightly before sliding his thumb then his tongue over the head. When he takes Billy into his mouth, he listens with the skill of a conductor to the sounds coming from Billy, waiting until he knows Billy is near and feeling the tug at the back of his neck as Billy begs him to wait.
Finally, Dominic releases Billy, letting his cock slide from his mouth and then against his cheek before he moves up Billy's body again to kiss him--to let him taste himself on Dominic's tongue. Billy gasps at Dominic's kiss and squirms pleasantly as Dominic's grasps Billy's leg, pulling it over his hip and reaches down with his hand to prepare Billy as much as he can--as much as they're willing to wait for before Billy's hands twist in Dominic's hair and scratch at his neck and shoulders, pulling Dominic back up. "Stop, stop," he whispers. "Come on, Dom. Now."
Dominic scrambles for the lube he finds still on the table beside Billy's bed from the last time he'd been here. For a moment Dominic's reminded of how often he's fallen into bed with Billy, and how few times it's been just to sleep. He thinks too of his urging Billy to do that--just sleep--on their way in tonight, but he's not going to mention it again; he loves feeling Billy beside him, above him or beneath him, however it happens, and they'll do their share of sleeping later. He'll dream with Billy's hands on him, and he'll remember the sound of Billy's needy, sharp little breaths as he guides Dominic's hand back down between his legs.
He already know that his hands and lips by themselves are nearly capable of reducing Billy to ashes, but when he uses them as one, he can feel Billy spinning slowly out of control. As often as he's felt the receiving end of Billy's greed, he's never seen this; Billy's never wanted it the other way round this much, this desperately. Dominic takes his time, trying to remember how Billy's held him back over and over again, but it's too hard; two fingers in, and Billy's eyes fall closed as Dominic watches him struggle against his instinct is to force Dominic to move faster, to just fuck him blindly as he'd wanted earlier. When Dominic curls his fingers gently inside Billy, Billy sucks in air between his teeth and reaches to bring Dominic closer, the strength of his grip still surprising Dominic every time it's applied. "No more," Billy says, his voice thin now. "Can't wait."
Dominic nods but still moves slowly, listening for Billy's inhale at that first slow press, the resistance and eventual ease. He can't stop interpreting the change in their roles as a sign of at least endearment on Billy's part. He has to believe that Billy allows this out of some kind of attachment beyond desire, beyond the sex. Dominic's not willing yet to believe that Billy loves him or can, but to have Billy wrapped around him and begging is almost enough. He can imagine the rest, and every time they do this, he can move closer to making it truth, making it real--making everything he feels be returned to him in kind.
Sliding his hand behind Billy to support Billy's back, Dominic begins to move his hips in a fast but measured pace. He knows neither of them needs much more, and each thrust brings them each closer to release. Dominic watches Billy's face for as long as he can; he feels like he's falling into those bright green eyes until they close. And when Billy tips his head back just enough that Dominic can bend to kiss him, Dominic can taste the line between want and need dissolving on their lips. He gathers strength to keep from coming before Billy, wanting to see and feel Billy break apart for once and recognize that he can't want or need more than this, more than Dominic.
The coiling inside Billy's stomach, the rush of blood in his head and heart-it's all coming too fast, ending too soon. Billy had wanted to draw this out longer, but exhaustion wins out and his hips rise a little, changing the angle so that he and Dominic both gasp and shake at once, and then Billy's losing his grip on everything, up to and including Dominic's body. He reaches, twists until his hands have found Dominic's back again, scratching and pulling harder than he means to, rendering Dominic motionless for a moment while Billy tries to suppress the strange cry that rips from him as he comes.
Dominic keeps still above him as long as he can, waiting Billy out, and Billy wants to tell him don't stop, but the words catch in his throat at first, strangled by his need for a full breath. His fingers spiderwalk all over Dominic's back, and even as his legs fall from around Dominic's hips, his waist, Billy knows that he can still keep Dominic exactly where is: his eyes wild and dark, his hair a mess and his body taut and strong above Billy's. "Come on," Billy says finally, his voice guttural but not quite an order. "Yours. Show me."
It's hard to speak, hard to breathe, but Billy pushes past it, meeting Dominic's eyes just before they close. Dominic holds on just a moment longer--wants to hold on as long as possible to this moment--but then his body betrays him, his hips moving again in a stilted rhythm. He gasps, grabbing Billy's leg and pushing his knee towards his chest as Dominic still presses inside him. His thoughts fly off where he needs them to go; he imagines meeting tomorrow morning in Billy's arms and being wakened with coffee and Billy's touch. His thoughts skip forward like a rock on still water: he and Billy showering together, taking breakfast and Billy's papers out into the garden. Talking about their future after they've survived the year.
Billy watches with eyes glazed over with exhaustion as Dominic manipulates his body, pressing and pushing until he's suddenly shaking, coming like Billy's rarely seen him and falling onto Billy's body, weak and tired, with tears on his cheeks that blend with the rivulets of sweat. Dominic doesn't move from where he rests, afraid to do so in case his gasps for air turn to sobs. There's only the soft, plaintive sounds of deep breaths between them, and then the slightest change in Dominic's little pants, a thicker, harsher sound. Dominic's chest feels heavy with the knowledge that his dream is not going to come true--that no matter what he does, no matter how easy it is to pretend otherwise, Billy is not going to fall in love with him. He's not going to want more than what he's already taken, what Dominic's given.
"Dom," Billy says softly after several minutes have passed almost silently between them. He tries to shift them both to better meet Dominic's eyes again, but Dominic's too weak now to help him, too tired and unable to move. Billy hisses as he maneuvers Dominic to his side, careful not to jostle Dominic's hand, and presses Dominic gently back to the pillows. Dominic's hand meets Billy's on his face brushing away sweat and tears before Billy can, and Billy releases a scattered, nervous exhale. "What's in your head, Dom. Talk to me."
"I'm okay. Alright. Just ..." Dominic's can't force his thoughts to form properly, to come up with the words that won't sound pathetic or desperate. He takes a deep breath, commanding his heart to slow and his body to stop shaking. He reaches for Billy and tries to pull him down onto his chest as Billy does so often to him. "Just tired, and one more day of classes. One more day for us both."
"You're lyin'--" Billy starts, but Dominic shakes his head quickly, a plea in his eyes that Billy can't fight when Dominic's tugging him closer, into his arms and chest.
"I'm not. We just--we need to just sleep, Billy. C'mon and sleep."
Billy's struggle ends there; for once instead of dragging the truth from Dominic he rests against him, feeling the tension in Dominic's body slowly ease, and knows that he won't stay awake much longer himself. Still, Billy wracks his brain, trying to remember Dominic's schedule and if it's vital that he attends class tomorrow. As it is, Billy can barely imagine himself standing in front of a room of young people the way he's feeling right now, and whatever sleep he gets tonight is not going to fix the past week. Billy splays his fingers on Dominic's chest, moving them in soft, absent circles while he tries to keep his eyes open for a few minutes more. "We could stay here tomorrow, hmm? Sleep. Catch our breath a bit. What do you say?"
Dominic exhales and forces himself to keep his eyes closed. He can't look at Billy now; he has no defense for the rare sound of Billy's voice this soft, this uncertain when it should be anything but, and it makes the ache in his chest grow. For a moment he lets the anger fill him--anger that Billy knows how to play him better than he can in return, anger that this relationship isn't everything he wants and may not ever be, anger that he's let his guard down completely and now couldn't run away from Billy even to protect himself.
But the anger is gone almost as soon as he feels it, and Dominic can feel the familiar burn behind his eyes. He knows he can only do what Billy asks, and he's prepared to give up everything for Billy now. Tightening his arms around Billy's shoulders, he nods his head in the dark though he knows Billy can't see him. "I'll stay if you want me to."
Billy closes his eyes in small relief and relaxes more into Dominic's chest. His words are beginning to slur and fall to whispers, but his hand plays gently at Dominic's waist, stroking the skin there as he speaks. "We'll look after your hand, too, chiontach, 'm sorry about your hand. That shouldn't have happened." Billy takes another deep breath and moves closer, half-asleep already when he hears Dominic speak again.
"What does it mean, Billy?" Dominic whispers. "Chiontach. What's it mean?"
Billy smiles against Dominic's skin and then yawns, his hand finally going still on Dominic's stomach. "I'll tell you in the morning, yeah?"
Dominic doesn't answer; he doesn't have the heart to push for more of even such a small thing. Instead he lets Billy fall asleep and then stares at the ceiling, pushing the sting in his eyes away with his fist and wishing again that he could just walk away. He reminds himself that he would only take what Billy could offer, but it's cold comfort until dawn turns the room grey, and in sleep Dominic finds hardly any comfort at all.
Authors: kiltsandlollies and escribo
Characters: Billy/Dominic
Word count: 3258
Summary: Continues from here.
Index
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction; the recognizable people in the story belong to themselves and have never performed the actions portrayed here. I do not know the actors nor am I associated with them in any way. If you are underage, please do not read this story. I am not making any profit from these stories, nor do I mean any harm.
Dominic feels their roles switch as soon as Billy begins to move from the couch. The familiar unease of always being the one cared for, always feeling as if he needs to be protected, comes back to him, and he wonders if it will always be like this. If Billy won't ever allow Dominic to return the care he's shown, for whatever reason.
"To sleep, Billy," Dominic says quietly, following Billy to stand but reaching for him, keeping Billy from wandering too far without him. He slides his hand down Billy's back and then up under the corner of his shirt, finding Billy's skin warm and smooth. "You said you were tired. Let me take care of you. Please."
Dominic's hand is soft on Billy's back, and Billy arches into the touch, still bothered by the idea that he needs to be taken care of in any fashion, but acknowledging it with a nod. They make their slow way back to Billy's bedroom, causing none of their usual laughing destruction as they go. Billy can see Dominic peer back over his shoulder once to the front room and the chaos they've left behind there, and Billy turns his tired smile away from Dominic's view, amused that they've abandoned their meal, the work Billy had planned, and possibly their senses, too, all in the hope that sleep will solve everything. It won't, Billy thinks; it never does, but it's a nice thought, one they can hold on to for the moment. And Billy won't pretend he's not feeling some relief as they stumble into the bedroom; he lets his mind go blank when he feels the back of knees hit the mattress and he falls with a happily resigned exhale.
Dominic laughs at the sound but he understands it; his thoughts have already jumped to wondering if he could convince Billy to stay home tomorrow--to take a day off to rest and finish whatever he's put off tonight--but that idea's easily pushed aside when Billy smiles tiredly and reaches for him. "Come here," Billy says quietly. "Come here to me, chiontach."
Dominic is more than happy to oblige. Kneeling on the bed, he pushes Billy's shirt up just a bit and kisses his stomach, smiling when Billy releases a little noise of pleasure and squirms a bit under the touch, ticklish but too tired to argue or move away entirely. Dominic rests there between Billy's legs and begins unbuttoning Billy's shirt as his tongue swirls into Billy's navel--grazing his teeth along Billy's stomach and upwards. Reaching the last button, he pushes the shirt open, letting his fingertips stroke Billy's nipples before descending with his mouth to lick and suck.
Billy's hands find Dominic as well, caressing Dominic's shoulder and upper arm, squeezing the muscle there before Billy tugs at the sweater he'd encouraged Dominic to take from his own closet, his hand moving underneath even the t-shirt to find Dominic's now warm skin. He's eager, in a tired, slightly clumsy way he recognizes is doing neither of them any favours, but it's the best encouragement he can give, the best apology he can offer Dominic now.
"Off, off," Billy murmurs when Dominic looks up from his work. "Want to feel you." Dominic nods and pushes at the fabric too, helping Billy strip him to the waist. Billy raises his knees and pulls Dominic up closer between his legs and against his chest, dragging him down for another kiss. Billy reaches with one hand for Dominic's, and just stops himself before he grabs the injured hand. "Perfect. Y'feel fucking brilliant-"
Billy stops himself, hearing his own voice slurry from tiredness and drink. He trails his hands now down Dominic's back until they slide inside Dominic's jeans, his short fingernails raking Dominic's skin. "There you are," Billy says, his attempt at a smirk tempered by the sound of his voice. "Consider yourself trapped."
"'s where I want to be," Dominic laughs quietly, happy to follow where Billy's mood has travelled. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you were drunk. Doesn't matter, though." Raising his head a bit, Dominic smiles gently, relaxing now that it seems the Billy he knows has returned. "I don't mind being trapped by you."
"Y'say that now--"
"I'll keep saying it." Dominic kisses Billy again, waiting until he feels Billy's argument leave him before he begins to trail the kisses back down Billy's chest.
"Don't make me leave," Dominic murmurs against Billy's warm skin, both hoping and fearing that Billy hears him. "Promise you'll let me stay with you."
Billy nods, unsure exactly to what he's agreeing but unable to deny Dominic anything now. Dominic smiles again and rises back up to kneel, straddling Billy's hips. Dominic holds Billy's stare as he unbuttons his own jeans, pushing them down just enough to release his cock. Running his good hand down the shaft, encouraging it just that little bit before it's fully erect, Dominic continues to touch himself as Billy's focus goes soft to sharp and back again. "What do you want me to do, Billy?"
"I want to watch you," Billy says, his voice raspy with need now. He raises his knees again to support Dominic's back and traces his hands down Dominic's hips and thighs as Dominic watches something newly familiar rise up in Billy's eyes. "And then you're going to fuck me, Dominic--"
"Billy--" Dominic feels his cheeks and throat flush dark and hot, but Billy's fingers drift over the head of his cock and Dominic's silenced.
"You said y'trusted me," Billy murmurs, and Dominic nods. "So show me."
Dominic can see and feel Billy's need now, can tell how much he's wanted. That's all Dominic needs to give over, closing his eyes and tipping his head back. He rests his sore hand on his thigh and uses his other to stroke his cock.
Since the moment Dominic first confessed that he'd done this--brought himself off to thoughts of Billy--Billy has wanted to see Dominic do just that. But here, now, Billy finds it almost impossible to just let it happen, to just watch. That Dominic would show him this with hardly a second's thought speaks of something Billy can't comprehend in his exhaustion but feels nonetheless.
Dominic doesn't hold back, but groans quietly, murmuring Billy's name and begging him to touch, to make him come. He takes Billy's hand and leads him to caress his chest. Billy's fingers trail over Dominic's ropy stomach muscles, brush gently and dance around and on hard, flat nipples that rise to his touch, and scratch lightly at the coarse, dark hair between Dominic's legs. Dominic's cock feels warm and heavy in his hand, and when he drags his thumb over the head and then to his mouth, opening his eyes as he sucks in his thumb, he finds that he loves the sight beneath him more than he can say and is quick to bend down to capture Billy's mouth in a kiss.
Pulling away, he rests his bad hand against Billy's reddened cheek and reaches the other down to unfasten Billy's jeans. "Soon? Are you ready for me?"
"Ready," Billy nods. "For you. Yours, anything, just come on." Billy raises his hips and helps Dominic tug the jeans and Billy's boxers down and away and then he sits up with some effort to remove his shirt. As soon as he's freed himself from the material, he pulls Dominic close, falling back to the bed again with Dominic in his arms as his eyes and voice clear, nearly challenging Dominic. "Come on. Hard, Dom. Don't want to feel anything but you."
Dominic nods, kissing Billy again. He knows what Billy thinks he wants, but isn't exactly sure how to give it to him; he's never been in a position to fuck anyone as hard as Billy's fucked him, and he's not going to test Billy now, not when Billy's far enough gone that it's even slightly possible he doesn't know himself what he's asking for. But what Dominic can do, he knows he can do brilliantly; he can make Billy feel fantastic without dragging them both down somewhere they shouldn't go tonight, in this mood. Drawing his hand down Billy's body, following with his lips, Dominic slows them down again, breathing words against Billy's skin--words he can't and doesn't dare say out loud but wants Billy to feel nonetheless--words and feelings he wants returned.
Kissing Billy's hipbones, Dominic takes Billy's cock into his hand--twisting lightly before sliding his thumb then his tongue over the head. When he takes Billy into his mouth, he listens with the skill of a conductor to the sounds coming from Billy, waiting until he knows Billy is near and feeling the tug at the back of his neck as Billy begs him to wait.
Finally, Dominic releases Billy, letting his cock slide from his mouth and then against his cheek before he moves up Billy's body again to kiss him--to let him taste himself on Dominic's tongue. Billy gasps at Dominic's kiss and squirms pleasantly as Dominic's grasps Billy's leg, pulling it over his hip and reaches down with his hand to prepare Billy as much as he can--as much as they're willing to wait for before Billy's hands twist in Dominic's hair and scratch at his neck and shoulders, pulling Dominic back up. "Stop, stop," he whispers. "Come on, Dom. Now."
Dominic scrambles for the lube he finds still on the table beside Billy's bed from the last time he'd been here. For a moment Dominic's reminded of how often he's fallen into bed with Billy, and how few times it's been just to sleep. He thinks too of his urging Billy to do that--just sleep--on their way in tonight, but he's not going to mention it again; he loves feeling Billy beside him, above him or beneath him, however it happens, and they'll do their share of sleeping later. He'll dream with Billy's hands on him, and he'll remember the sound of Billy's needy, sharp little breaths as he guides Dominic's hand back down between his legs.
He already know that his hands and lips by themselves are nearly capable of reducing Billy to ashes, but when he uses them as one, he can feel Billy spinning slowly out of control. As often as he's felt the receiving end of Billy's greed, he's never seen this; Billy's never wanted it the other way round this much, this desperately. Dominic takes his time, trying to remember how Billy's held him back over and over again, but it's too hard; two fingers in, and Billy's eyes fall closed as Dominic watches him struggle against his instinct is to force Dominic to move faster, to just fuck him blindly as he'd wanted earlier. When Dominic curls his fingers gently inside Billy, Billy sucks in air between his teeth and reaches to bring Dominic closer, the strength of his grip still surprising Dominic every time it's applied. "No more," Billy says, his voice thin now. "Can't wait."
Dominic nods but still moves slowly, listening for Billy's inhale at that first slow press, the resistance and eventual ease. He can't stop interpreting the change in their roles as a sign of at least endearment on Billy's part. He has to believe that Billy allows this out of some kind of attachment beyond desire, beyond the sex. Dominic's not willing yet to believe that Billy loves him or can, but to have Billy wrapped around him and begging is almost enough. He can imagine the rest, and every time they do this, he can move closer to making it truth, making it real--making everything he feels be returned to him in kind.
Sliding his hand behind Billy to support Billy's back, Dominic begins to move his hips in a fast but measured pace. He knows neither of them needs much more, and each thrust brings them each closer to release. Dominic watches Billy's face for as long as he can; he feels like he's falling into those bright green eyes until they close. And when Billy tips his head back just enough that Dominic can bend to kiss him, Dominic can taste the line between want and need dissolving on their lips. He gathers strength to keep from coming before Billy, wanting to see and feel Billy break apart for once and recognize that he can't want or need more than this, more than Dominic.
The coiling inside Billy's stomach, the rush of blood in his head and heart-it's all coming too fast, ending too soon. Billy had wanted to draw this out longer, but exhaustion wins out and his hips rise a little, changing the angle so that he and Dominic both gasp and shake at once, and then Billy's losing his grip on everything, up to and including Dominic's body. He reaches, twists until his hands have found Dominic's back again, scratching and pulling harder than he means to, rendering Dominic motionless for a moment while Billy tries to suppress the strange cry that rips from him as he comes.
Dominic keeps still above him as long as he can, waiting Billy out, and Billy wants to tell him don't stop, but the words catch in his throat at first, strangled by his need for a full breath. His fingers spiderwalk all over Dominic's back, and even as his legs fall from around Dominic's hips, his waist, Billy knows that he can still keep Dominic exactly where is: his eyes wild and dark, his hair a mess and his body taut and strong above Billy's. "Come on," Billy says finally, his voice guttural but not quite an order. "Yours. Show me."
It's hard to speak, hard to breathe, but Billy pushes past it, meeting Dominic's eyes just before they close. Dominic holds on just a moment longer--wants to hold on as long as possible to this moment--but then his body betrays him, his hips moving again in a stilted rhythm. He gasps, grabbing Billy's leg and pushing his knee towards his chest as Dominic still presses inside him. His thoughts fly off where he needs them to go; he imagines meeting tomorrow morning in Billy's arms and being wakened with coffee and Billy's touch. His thoughts skip forward like a rock on still water: he and Billy showering together, taking breakfast and Billy's papers out into the garden. Talking about their future after they've survived the year.
Billy watches with eyes glazed over with exhaustion as Dominic manipulates his body, pressing and pushing until he's suddenly shaking, coming like Billy's rarely seen him and falling onto Billy's body, weak and tired, with tears on his cheeks that blend with the rivulets of sweat. Dominic doesn't move from where he rests, afraid to do so in case his gasps for air turn to sobs. There's only the soft, plaintive sounds of deep breaths between them, and then the slightest change in Dominic's little pants, a thicker, harsher sound. Dominic's chest feels heavy with the knowledge that his dream is not going to come true--that no matter what he does, no matter how easy it is to pretend otherwise, Billy is not going to fall in love with him. He's not going to want more than what he's already taken, what Dominic's given.
"Dom," Billy says softly after several minutes have passed almost silently between them. He tries to shift them both to better meet Dominic's eyes again, but Dominic's too weak now to help him, too tired and unable to move. Billy hisses as he maneuvers Dominic to his side, careful not to jostle Dominic's hand, and presses Dominic gently back to the pillows. Dominic's hand meets Billy's on his face brushing away sweat and tears before Billy can, and Billy releases a scattered, nervous exhale. "What's in your head, Dom. Talk to me."
"I'm okay. Alright. Just ..." Dominic's can't force his thoughts to form properly, to come up with the words that won't sound pathetic or desperate. He takes a deep breath, commanding his heart to slow and his body to stop shaking. He reaches for Billy and tries to pull him down onto his chest as Billy does so often to him. "Just tired, and one more day of classes. One more day for us both."
"You're lyin'--" Billy starts, but Dominic shakes his head quickly, a plea in his eyes that Billy can't fight when Dominic's tugging him closer, into his arms and chest.
"I'm not. We just--we need to just sleep, Billy. C'mon and sleep."
Billy's struggle ends there; for once instead of dragging the truth from Dominic he rests against him, feeling the tension in Dominic's body slowly ease, and knows that he won't stay awake much longer himself. Still, Billy wracks his brain, trying to remember Dominic's schedule and if it's vital that he attends class tomorrow. As it is, Billy can barely imagine himself standing in front of a room of young people the way he's feeling right now, and whatever sleep he gets tonight is not going to fix the past week. Billy splays his fingers on Dominic's chest, moving them in soft, absent circles while he tries to keep his eyes open for a few minutes more. "We could stay here tomorrow, hmm? Sleep. Catch our breath a bit. What do you say?"
Dominic exhales and forces himself to keep his eyes closed. He can't look at Billy now; he has no defense for the rare sound of Billy's voice this soft, this uncertain when it should be anything but, and it makes the ache in his chest grow. For a moment he lets the anger fill him--anger that Billy knows how to play him better than he can in return, anger that this relationship isn't everything he wants and may not ever be, anger that he's let his guard down completely and now couldn't run away from Billy even to protect himself.
But the anger is gone almost as soon as he feels it, and Dominic can feel the familiar burn behind his eyes. He knows he can only do what Billy asks, and he's prepared to give up everything for Billy now. Tightening his arms around Billy's shoulders, he nods his head in the dark though he knows Billy can't see him. "I'll stay if you want me to."
Billy closes his eyes in small relief and relaxes more into Dominic's chest. His words are beginning to slur and fall to whispers, but his hand plays gently at Dominic's waist, stroking the skin there as he speaks. "We'll look after your hand, too, chiontach, 'm sorry about your hand. That shouldn't have happened." Billy takes another deep breath and moves closer, half-asleep already when he hears Dominic speak again.
"What does it mean, Billy?" Dominic whispers. "Chiontach. What's it mean?"
Billy smiles against Dominic's skin and then yawns, his hand finally going still on Dominic's stomach. "I'll tell you in the morning, yeah?"
Dominic doesn't answer; he doesn't have the heart to push for more of even such a small thing. Instead he lets Billy fall asleep and then stares at the ceiling, pushing the sting in his eyes away with his fist and wishing again that he could just walk away. He reminds himself that he would only take what Billy could offer, but it's cold comfort until dawn turns the room grey, and in sleep Dominic finds hardly any comfort at all.