Book 3, Chapter 4: Digging in the Dirt
Title: Digging in the Dirt
Authors: kiltsandlollies and escribo
Characters: Dominic/Elijah
Word count: 6404
Summary: Overlaps the middle to end of this thread, and then onward.
Index
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction; the recognizable people in the story belong to themselves and have never performed the actions portrayed here. I do not know the actors nor am I associated with them in any way. If you are underage, please do not read this story. I am not making any profit from these stories, nor do I mean any harm.
This used to be such a simple thing: get up in the morning, have coffee, go to class, do homework, begin again the next day. Nothing's simple anymore for Dominic, though; nothing is easy, and it would make him laugh to remember his mum's lectures on not taking things for granted if it didn't make him want to cry instead. Standing outside the room where Billy lectures, the same room Dominic has come to again and again, Dominic now has to try to force himself forward where once he went not just willingly but enthusiastically. And today, he wonders if he has the strength for it at all.
He's already seen Billy once this morning, at the coffee shop, and he knows he'd managed to embarrass them both though he can barely remember what he'd said. He's sure he must have sounded desperate; he'd certainly felt it, and that's more embarrassing than any statement or gesture he might have made. He had clearly needed Billy more than Billy needed him. Dominic was now a problem to be solved, in Billy's mind--a student gone off course. Dominic's willing to admit at least that much is true, had always been true.
"Hey, Dom. Are you coming or going?"
"Going, I think," Dominic says, turning to look at Elijah and twisting his mouth into something meant to be a grin.
"Going where?" Elijah casts a glance into the open door of the classroom and sees Billy at the front of the room, tapping a sheaf of papers against the top of his desk, preparing himself for what looks like battle. "I think I might be with you, man. Professor Boyd looks like he's out for blood."
Dominic steps forward as if to look over Elijah's shoulder but catches himself and instead stops, tugs the strap of his bag a little higher on his shoulder and takes a step back. He doesn't need to see more than he'd already seen this morning; the disgust and disappointment on Billy's face is not something he's going to forget anytime soon. "Right," he says, nodding his head. "Right," he says again, but this time turns and heads back down the hall.
"Wait a minute, Dom." Elijah gives a last look into the classroom before he turns too, reaching out to stop Dominic with a hand to his arm. "Seriously, where are you going?"
"I don't know. Back to my room, I guess." Distracted, Dominic turns his head to look back at the classroom, knowing that missing a lecture isn't going to help his argument with Billy. Dominic shifts his weight from foot to foot, lifting his thumb to his mouth to gnaw on his nail, undecided now what's worse: risking Billy's harder frustration and anger or having to face him in class as if they hadn't even spoken earlier.
Elijah's hand slides around Dominic's waist and tugs a bit. When Dominic looks at him rather than the door, when his brow clears and something crosses his lips that's not only meant to be a grin but accomplishes the goal even if Dominic's eyes still look dead, Elijah smiles back and considers it progress, that maybe all is forgiven from the other night--if there'd been anything to forgive in the first place, really. Dominic may be a hell of a kisser and he may have a great ass, but Elijah isn’t in this for a relationship with a guy hung up on somebody else.
"My room's closer," Elijah says, glancing around to make sure they're alone in the hall before he steps even closer. They both hear Billy begin his lecture, his voice carrying over the sounds of students settling in before it's just Billy alone, not exactly waxing lyrical over whatever he's trying to teach this time. Dominic closes his eyes and leans into Elijah a bit, just listening. Elijah rubs his hand over Dominic's back, his cold fingers slipping beneath the edge of Dominic's shirt. "C'mon, Dom."
Dominic nods, his cheek rubbing against Elijah's, but stands still to listen for another moment even after Elijah's turned and begins to stroll down the hall, expecting him to follow. Dominic's thoughts don't move now to this morning but to another not nearly long enough ago, when Billy had just carried on. He can't understand Billy's ability to do that, to just carry on, as if nothing affected him, as if what they'd done together had never mattered.
Dominic shakes his head as if to clear it and rid himself of the sound of Billy's voice, and hurries to catch up with and fall into pace with Elijah. Outside, he jams his hands into his pockets, sorry once again that he's forgotten his jacket--a thought he immediately pushes from his mind before it brings images of Billy chiding him for the same thing.
"You ever just want to walk away, Elijah?"
Elijah's leaning a little as he walks, cupping his hands to blow on them in the cold. "From what?"
"Everything. Just, I don't know, get on a fucking train and go wherever. Stop wherever it stops. Get off at random and start over again."
"I did that, man. I mean, not just randomly, but what do you think I'm doing here?"
"Hell of a place to pick."
"Well, yeah," Elijah laughs and shrugs. "Had to start over somewhere, though. And I definitely didn't pick this place for the weather. Or the entertainment value."
Dominic grunts out a laugh, too, and then squints up at the glaring grey sky above them. Elijah tilts his head, waiting for Dominic to speak again, but when he doesn't, Elijah lowers his voice and bumps his shoulder against Dominic's.
"Listen, it doesn't work, right," he says simply. "You can't just run away and have everything magically change. It comes with you. Whatever rocks you got in your bag, they all come with you unless you empty them out. You have to change here." Elijah taps his fingers against Dom's forehead, and Dominic snorts before he smiles again.
"Got it all figured out, you."
"Not all of it. Just enough. A little bit, anyway. You've gotta just--" Elijah throws his hand short and quick in the air, as if waving away the smoke Dominic knows he'd love to be inhaling now. "Just learn not to care."
"That doesn't sound the least bit nihilistic."
"Hey, hey, look at that. You picked up something from Boyd."
"Too much, actually."
Elijah doesn't blink--Dominic checks--but keeps moving on, his own head raised to the sky now. "I don't mean--look, I still love my mom, right. I still email my sister and brother almost every day. I still go to class--most of the time. I don't mean not care about everything. But the things that hurt, right, the things that fuck you up here and here--" Elijah thumps his head and chest lightly, his hand flat and pale against his clothes and hair. "Make them go away. Give yourself five minutes of peace to not think about them, to realize how little they matter. Class sucks? Professor's being a dick? Money's tight? Some guy doesn't want to be with you anymore, or ever? Fuck him. Fuck all of it." Elijah takes a breath and grins sidelong at Dominic. "Live in the moment, right? Like I'm here, man. I'm right here."
Dominic nods and pushes his hands harder down into his pockets. "You are, yeah."
"You think too much, Dom. There's your problem. I can tell. You're thinking right now about what's going to happen because you bailed on Boyd's class today. What do you people call it? Skiving off? You're worrying about it. What's going to happen? Is Boyd gonna care? Is he gonna come after you and ask if you're feeling alright?"
Dominic smiles tightly, feeling the angry flush rise in his cheeks and praying Elijah's too wrapped up in what's beginning to sound like a manifesto to notice. "No."
"Of course not. And like last Friday night. What did we do? What did we do that was so fucking bad? Smoked a little weed and had a little fun. But you were tied up in knots about it. Thinking about it. Thinking about whatever. Did anything bad happen?"
Dominic has to pause at that, weighing what he's chosen to remember about that night. "No."
"Exactly," Elijah says, more loudly, almost too cheerfully for Dominic's ears. Elijah waves his hand again, this time to the entrance of his residence hall. "Look, we're here. Let's make a deal. We go up to my room and have fun today. Don't think about anything today. Don't even think of thinking. Can we do that?"
"Sound advice from Dr. Wood, right?" Dominic mumbles the words out, but he's following Elijah, taking the steps two at a time, his eyes on the bright red backs of Elijah's trainers.
"Fucking great advice from Dr. Wood."
"How come I'm beginning to think that following your advice ends in you getting sucked off?"
Elijah looks back sharply, but Dominic's smiling enough that Elijah holds back his first response of You shouldn't be beginning to think at all. Instead he shoves his key in the door and waves one more time, inviting Dominic back inside the room with a flourish. For a moment, the silence falls around them uncomfortably. Dominic is suddenly nervous, and he feels his hands starting to shake. He doesn't know what else to say, how to turn this day--this week, this month--around. Looking up at Elijah, at his little smirk over Dominic's hesitation, Dominic figures that perhaps whatever other option he's got right now, it isn't going to get any better than this, and maybe he shouldn't expect it to. "Thinking too much," he says by way of explanation, and steps inside.
Elijah nods and shuts the door with a gentle click and a gentler smile. "I can help you with that."
Dominic doesn't answer. He already knows a little of what Elijah calls help, and he's neither eager for nor completely opposed to any of the ideas. More, he's made curious by a sight he hadn't noticed in the weariness and blurred vision of the first night he'd been here, that of two bottles of pills on Elijah's bedside table, glowing an ugly dark orange against the wood. He blinks slowly and looks at Elijah, but Elijah's busy shucking his jacket and bag, leaving them in a neat pile on his dresser. Dominic decides to mentally file away the information that Elijah's taking something, just in case, and then frowns, angry with himself for assuming the worst and thinking there'd be anything to do with that information anyway. Especially when the meds could be for anything from hay fever to sleeplessness, both of which Dominic suffers, too. None of your business, Dominic tells himself, but his eyes drift back to the pills several times in the next few minutes.
"Okay," Elijah sighs happily, and Dominic turns, startled, to see Elijah flopping back on his bed, arms crossed behind his head as he falls. "No more thinking. Feels good, doesn't it?"
"Is that your secret, Elijah?" Dominic smiles. "Really? Just--not thinking?"
"You got a better one?"
Dominic shakes his head, the lie coming easily for once, maybe because it feels so true. "I don't have any secrets."
"Then we'll stick with mine." Another grin, and then Elijah tilts his head. "C'mere, man. You look like you could sleep for about a year."
"Probably could." Dominic's bag slides down his arm again and this time he lets it, listening to the quiet, dull sound it makes on the strangely patterned carpet remnant Elijah's dragged in here to make the place a little more like home, Dominic supposes. He knees his way up the bed carefully, hands moving over the duvet as if he's crawling up a topographical map. Elijah raises an eyebrow but waits until Dominic's fully beside him, on his stomach and resting on his elbows, to say anything.
"That's a big one, isn't it? Not sleeping." When Dominic nods, Elijah does too. "Fucking sucks. They gave me--I got something before I left L.A. It helps sometimes. Okay, it helps a lot. I don't, like, abuse it or anything, but it helps."
"So what's keeping you up?" Dominic smiles, relaxing down onto his forearms. Whatever else he thinks about Elijah, the guy's accent is fun to listen to once you're used to it, and Elijah seems like he's in a pretty good mood today. Dominic decides that he could use any good mood he can find, even if it's not his own, and so he shifts on the mattress, moving a little closer to Elijah, whose smile is smaller now, a little thoughtful.
"Music, mostly. No, seriously. It's like I hear it in my head all the time. Doesn't matter, though; I've got shit to do here that doesn't have anything to do with that." Elijah pauses and then seems to swallow the rest of his thought. "Doesn't matter," he says again. "I walk out of here with some paper saying I've been educated, I get to work on my music again. Until then--" Elijah shrugs. "I do a lot of not thinking."
"And being educated."
"And let me tell you, Dom, here? Sometimes that feels like the same thing."
Dominic wants to disagree; he could tell Elijah a lot about how good it feels to think, to be educated by someone willing to put in the work for you, with you. It's not an argument he can safely have now, though, knowing that even as he rests here with Elijah, one of the reasons Dominic's remained in Baskerville stands teaching to at least two empty chairs in his classroom.
He inches closer again to Elijah, judging it alright to press two fingers softly down Elijah's cheekbone. Elijah blinks and stares at Dominic, surprised, but he doesn't tell Dominic to stop.
"I'm sorry," Dominic says, and Elijah blinks again.
"What for?"
"I don't know, actually." Dominic looks down, laughs, and then looks back up again. "That you didn't find what you wanted here. That you're not doing your music or whatever."
Elijah nods, but it's a resigned gesture. "Did you want to take philosophy?"
Dominic shakes his head, then laughs again. "I did and I didn't. I was--convinced, I guess."
"That would take some fucking strong convincing if it were me, man. I mean. Like. Bribes. Bribes and beer. And vacations every two weeks. Philosophy, Jesus, just kill me."
"So what are you doing in the class?" Dominic's genuinely curious, and stunned that someone who's that disinterested in the subject matter ended up in Billy's session, of all places.
"Fuck if I know. No, actually I do. Somebody out there thinks studying philosophy makes you a 'well-rounded individual' or some shit, and I tested out of intro classes back home--back in L.A. It looked like an easy grade, Dom." Elijah slumps a little lower on the mattress. "Emphasis on looked."
"He's a good teacher, though," Dominic says quickly, shocked by his own rush to defend or protect, he doesn't know which. "Professor Boyd. We're--lucky, like. The rest of the department's really--they're not all good people."
"Oh, definitely, that's the first thing that comes to my mind when describing Boyd, Dom, 'good people.' He's an ass unless you can read his mind. The comments I get back from him--look, never mind. We're not thinking, and especially not about fucking class, okay."
We’re not thinking. Well, that’s true enough, Dominic supposes. He doesn’t have anything else to say, though, in Billy’s defense or otherwise, and so he nudges against Elijah’s shoulder and closes his eyes, taking deep breaths and hoping Elijah’s going to fall into that sleep maybe they both need. Sleep doesn’t come, though; instead there’s the quiet groan of Elijah’s mattress as he turns over to face Dominic, the curious touch of his cool little hand at Dominic’s waist. Dominic doesn’t open his eyes, but he takes a deeper inhale, surprised and not by his willingness to be touched, especially if Elijah keeps at it like this, slowly and carefully, not like the other night.
Elijah's lips on his own are dry and chapped, but his kiss is nice. Or maybe not nice, but comforting. Comfortable. Dominic leans closer and lets Elijah kiss his smile before he moves his hand up and down Elijah's arm and then over and onto Elijah's back. The room is quiet, and Dominic imagines that they might be the only ones here on Elijah's floor--maybe in the entire building. Everyone else is in class, as they should be. Before Dominic lets his thoughts wander once more to the class he's missing and the professor he's been missing for longer than just this morning, he slides his hand even lower on Elijah's back and takes their kiss deeper.
It's odd, kissing someone else now. He'd had many partners before Billy, especially partners with whom he'd had relationships like this--borne out of and sometimes peaking at casual kissing, touching. His relationship with Billy had been different. It had always felt like it meant something when they'd kiss; Dominic had always felt as though he were falling, as if the world was coming to an end, as if he and Billy were the only two people left. The loss of that feeling, frightening and exhilarating as it had been, hits Dominic hard. He urges Elijah on, searching for something he knows he's not going to find--kissing Elijah with tongue and teeth, biting gently at Elijah's chin when Elijah breaks the kiss to gasp for breath.
"Sometimes," Elijah begins and stops and closes his eyes to submit again to Dominic's kisses. "Sometimes it's like you're a million miles away, Dom. Like it's not even me who you're thinking about--"
Dominic silences him with a harder kiss and then backs off, forcing his own eyes open and a smile to form on his face. "You said we weren't supposed to be thinking at all."
"Yeah, well." Elijah takes a breath and rolls off the bed shakily, walking to his dresser and visibly irritated to find himself half-hard--to find himself so easily rattled and stirred up by Dominic. Dominic watches as he reaches for a cigarette, slapping the pack on his hand then crumpling it when he finds it empty. Elijah opens first one drawer then another, searching for another pack among his socks and t-shirts and jeans but finding nothing except half a joint tucked behind his stack of clean boxers, wrapped in a napkin. "Hey. This'll work."
Elijah takes his lighter and sits back on the end of the bed, ignoring Dominic now, purposely not turning to see if he's watching as he twists the paper tighter and lights up. He inhales deeply, holding the smoke in his lungs and closes his eyes, waiting for his pulse to slow a little before he holds out the joint to Dominic and keeping his eyes shut until he feels the bed dip as Dominic sits up and takes it from him. "Best remedy," Elijah murmurs. "Actually, it's probably too old to give you a buzz, but maybe not if you're not used it. But whatever."
Dominic takes a hit, laying back against the pillows and then holding the joint back out to Elijah. Almost in defiance of Billy's earlier words Whatever you've been doing with the time, it doesn't seem to have served you any better, he thinks this time's serving him just fine, thank you, and he tilts his head to look at Elijah now. "Does it bother you, Elijah? I mean, really bother you?"
Elijah turns watery eyes to Dominic, blinking in the smoke. He takes the remains of the joint and breathes in what he can, quickly stubbing it out into the ashtray on his bedside table before it burns his fingers. For a moment, he watches Dominic while he tries to form an answer to that that won't tell Dominic more than he needs to know, but then he turns and begins to climb awkwardly back up Dominic's side on the bed, leaning in for another kiss. That kiss deepens as he straddles Dominic's waist, gathering Dominic's wrists and pushing them into the mattress. Dominic doesn't fight him but doesn't really give, either, and Elijah pulls away from the kiss and waits for Dominic's eyes to open again.
"Tell me who you're thinking about, Dom," Elijah says, calmly and slowly. "Cause it sure as fuck isn't me."
"No one. He's no one."
"Then tell me about him." Elijah ducks his head for another kiss, keeping his voice so even Dominic almost squirms under its sound. "Tell me what you did with him. Tell me why he's got you so tied up."
Dominic lets a short breath out his nose but then swallows and speaks as if the words want to race from him. "We fucking--we fucking connected, you know? He knew me inside out. He knew exactly what I wanted. What I needed."
"What did you need?"
Dominic shakes his head back and forth slowly, shrugging his shoulders as much as he can. Fuck if I know, he wants to say, but this time the words don't seem to want to form. He laughs and stretches, relaxing his hands and wishing Elijah's weight on them were heavier, wishing Elijah would push harder and let him feel something--wishing, too, there'd been more to the joint they'd shared so that he could feel nothing at all. "Just. Just shut it, Elijah," he says thickly, tiredly, repeating it with a slurry pisstake of Elijah's own accent to convince himself and Elijah, too. "Shut up and kiss me," he says, perversely grateful when Elijah does.
It's too easy to slip his wrists from Elijah's grasp, and Dominic hates it, hates that he feels like he has to turn them so they each lay on their sides, facing one another. He reaches beneath Elijah's shirt and squeezes his eyes shut, pretending this feels good, pretending that it's Billy. Instead of cataloging the differences between Elijah and Billy, Dominic's mind searches for similarities in the way Elijah's hand pushes past the waistband of his jeans to cup his ass and pull him tight against Elijah's body, and the way Elijah's other hand tangles into Dominic's hair and tugs. Dominic kisses him harder, rewarding Elijah in some way that he can't begin to explain to either of them. He kisses Elijah's neck and rests heavily on him, not moving away until Elijah's hand travels to pull Dominic's shirt off and then rising up on his knees, his arms over his head.
Elijah runs his palms over Dominic's torso, down to his waist, reaching for the top button on Dominic's jeans. Dominic lets him, his hands falling loose and open at his sides, only the fingers restless to be caught up again and held still. He's not surprised when Elijah doesn't pick up the cue, instead just pulling his own shirt off and tossing it onto the floor before he turns his attention back to the fly of Dominic's jeans. Dominic takes the chance to really look at Elijah now, at the almost-bright pallor of his skin compared to his dark hair and the wiry strength in his thin arms and chest. Elijah looks up and catches Dominic's eye, blushing ferociously for only a moment before he recovers himself, pushing his hand inside Dominic's jeans to tangle his fingers through the coarse hair above Dominic's cock. Dominic's eyes close again and he swallows hard, harder still when Elijah strokes him awkwardly and then pulls his hand away, sinking back against the pillows and curling his hand now around Dominic's bicep.
Dominic adapts, turning on the bed to face Elijah properly again, trying to read what's happening here before it gets read to him loudly and all too clear. Elijah's not in the mood to wait him out, though; his grip around Dominic's arm moves back up to around Dominic's neck and then into his hair, tugging again, pushing Dominic down. It's then that Dominic more than parses it out, and he sinks, too, into his own thoughts. Elijah's not Billy or Greg or anyone else who'd been gentle, or careful, or slow when that was most what Dominic needed. But letting Elijah have the benefit of Dominic's experience with them and others now comes easily, if with its price, just like everything else. Dominic decides that maybe none of that care or gentleness or patience is what he needs now, and decides, too, for what seems like the hundredth time today, that he has to stop thinking. All he has to do--all he needs if maybe not wants--is to let Elijah make the decisions for him--for both of them, in his greedy, grasping way--and to at least show Elijah how fucking good he is at this.
Elijah's patience last just about as long as Dominic expects it to, and Dominic's not surprised when Elijah takes his cock in his hand, pressing the head against Dominic's lips and rubbing there until Dominic opens his lips and closes his eyes. Leaning over Elijah, Dominic merely breathes over Elijah's cock, heightening the sense of anticipation, until he begins dragging his tongue over the tip, his teeth very lightly scraping down the vein now practically throbbing. Above him, he hears Elijah moan and stiffen, his blunt fingernails digging into Dominic's neck.
With his eyes closed, Dominic’s able to pretend again. As long as Elijah isn't talking, imaging this is Billy is so much easier. He builds the scene in his head--that earlier today, instead of walking away from Dominic, Billy had reached for him--had forgiven Dominic and been forgiven in return; that they’d come back to his room because it was the closest place, and now he could show Billy why they should be together.
Kissing along Elijah's length, Dominic murmurs words of love, like he used to do with Billy in an effort to infuse his feelings into Billy’s skin, into the blood he knew he could make rush like no one else could. His words can’t be heard, but felt. Dominic listens for their effect when he takes Elijah full into his mouth and waits to hear him cry out in pleasure, knowing that Elijah will, because Dominic's good at this even when he doesn’t have reason or a real desire to be.
Drawing back after a moment, Dominic pulls away from Elijah's hands and tugs down Elijah's jeans, letting Elijah roll to one side of the bed to kick them off. The motion makes the mattress dip and sway again, and Dominic settles near the edge of the bed, catching his breath a little and counting the few seconds he has, still trying to keep control of himself and the situation. He's not alone with his thoughts long enough to stop Elijah from straddling his legs again, leaning in for a fiercer kiss as his hands dig back into Dominic's short hair. Elijah straightens and then reaches for his own cock again, stroking it a few times before he makes an urgent little noise and pushes at Dominic, sliding his cock past Dominic's lips and against Dominic's cheek as he staggers a bit. Dominic wants to laugh and settle Elijah down at the same time, but before he can do either Elijah pushes again and Dominic takes a deep breath, inhaling the sweeter smoke that's so deeply ingrained in Elijah's skin, his scent, especially this close, with this much heat between them. Elijah steps back slightly, dragging his thumb against Dominic's mouth whispering, "C'mon, Dom, c'mon."
"Elijah," Dominic starts, carefully, but Elijah shakes his head violently, his eyes soft but wild, too.
"Don't think about. Just fucking do it. C'mon."
Dominic opens his mouth again and Elijah's shoulders drop with relief and something else, too. He moves too fast and too hard, cussing before he draws back then forward again, while Dominic adjusts, relaxing and taking in Elijah's cock as if there's no reason to question it. "Fucking knew it," Elijah murmurs, pressing his thumb against Dominic's chin and urging Dominic's mouth open a little bit wider, changing the angle so that when Elijah slides in the third time he feels the head of his cock bump against the back of Dominic's throat. Dominic doesn't gag or gasp or back off sharply, so Elijah draws back, leaving just the head of his cock in Dominic's mouth as he pumps his hand down the shaft. Dominic closes his eyes and sucks, concentrating on the sound of Elijah's heavy breaths and the feel of Elijah's other hand tight on the back of Dominic's neck.
“So fucking good,” Elijah announces to the room, and maybe himself, Dominic thinks as he tries not to hear the echo. He doesn't see Elijah tip his head back before leaning forward, looking down, to see the bob of Dominic’s head against his thighs and his own fingers fisting sandy-blond hair, and can't catch the warning in Elijah's eyes.
"Open your eyes, Dom," Elijah says, the sound of his voice lower now but still as jarring. "I want you to see it's me." Elijah withdraws from Dominic's mouth, fucking his fist, drawing the precome over Dominic's lips, waiting until Dominic opens his eyes and looks up. Dominic sees clearly that it's not Billy, that no amount of wishing will make it so. He opens his mouth only slightly, letting Elijah push his cock in again, expecting nothing worse until Elijah holds Dominic's face between his hands and pushes, fucking Dominic's mouth while Dominic struggles to keep up, breathing heavily through his nose and hearing the blood rush and pound in his ears.
It takes little more before Elijah sucks in breath between his teeth and goes still, not enough time for Dominic to be completely prepared before he's coming in Dominic's mouth. Dominic tries to pull away, but finds he can't; he's trapped--not in the way he's craved, the way that happens between lovers who know each other's boundaries and don't mind testing them, but in a forced, choked way that leaves him gasping for air once Elijah is finished and pushing him away. He coughs and bows his head, trying to disassociate himself from this, from all of it.
This wouldn't have happened with Billy, he thinks in spite of every impulse not to. Whatever his moments of greed and possessiveness when they had sex, Billy had always been careful to let those types of decisions be made by Dominic, or at least to have presented the rules before and the repercussions of their being broken. But Elijah isn't Billy, and Dominic has discovered the danger of trying to pretend it's otherwise. Elijah's greedy and may even on another day be good, maybe even brilliant, but he's greedy to his own ends; there's no searching for a higher experience here, no real possessiveness either. Elijah doesn't want him--but then, Dominic reminds himself, neither does Billy.
Swallowing back more than just the bitterness of that particular thought--an experience no less unwanted than what's just happened with Elijah--Dominic tries to center himself again, to go still for as long as he has to. There has to be a point, Dominic reasons, when numbness will come, or at the very least silence.
Not anytime soon, though, if Elijah has anything to do with it, and clearly he does. He's already flopped down onto the bed and dragged Dominic with him, and now his breathing's slowed, words coming back to him.
"Definitely worth missing class for," Elijah laughs, and something in Dominic's stomach turns over, leading him to shift away from Elijah slightly, sitting up higher. "Hey, hey," Elijah continues, sitting up, too, one hand too warm now on Dominic's back. "You're not gonna tell me no one's ever, like, done that before. You can't. I thought maybe you'd like it a little--I don't know, rough. Like that's what you were talking about when you said ..." Elijah's voice trails off, and Dominic grits his teeth, forcing himself quiet even as he accepts that he can't demand the same of Elijah. "You can't blame me for that. I bet you fucking liked it. Tell the truth, Dom."
Dominic doesn't answer, so Elijah works his arms around Dominic, holding Dominic against his chest and leaning in to trail scattered kisses along Dominic's shoulders and neck. "I'm here, man, and where the fuck is he?" Elijah asks and Dominic remembers Elijah's little speech from earlier in the day--from what seems likes days or weeks ago. "I'm right here," he says again, and Dominic nods. "The way I see it, you have to decide what you want. It's not him. It can't be him. Who the fuck wants to chase after someone who doesn't want you back, right? So it's something else. You don't want to be alone. Or you don't want to think about how crazy this fucking school makes you and it's easier to pretend you were in love. Or maybe. Okay." Elijah pauses, tilting Dominic's chin so that Dominic has to look at him. "Maybe you want someone to tell you what you want."
"What do I want, Elijah?" Dominic can feel his mind clearing a little, and he turns to focus on Elijah's eyes, his chin and his mouth, telling himself that Elijah does have very nice lips. He can do this, Dominic decides. If he keeps Elijah's interest and attention, then at least he won't be alone. Elijah wants his body and his friendship or something like it, and there's no danger of falling in love. "Tell me what I want."
“Something more intense. Something that pushes you past your boundaries. That's what college is supposed to do for you, isn't it?” Elijah arches an eyebrow, but there's no sneer in his voice now, no tease or taunt that Dominic can hear. "Why waste it on someone who's never going to want you around for real or fall in love or some shit." He pauses, and blinks when Dominic's fingers trace along the line of his chin and cheekbone, but doesn't stop talking. After a few seconds Dominic finds himself enjoying the sound of Elijah's voice again, almost liking the rise and fall of Elijah's loping, all over the place accent. "I gave you what I knew you wanted, right? And if it didn't fucking hurt a little, then it wouldn't be worth it, right? You should be thanking me, man, though I'm not gonna, like, make you. You felt it, right?"
Dominic nods, and Elijah does, too. "Okay. So." Elijah offers a little smile and then a yawn. "So gimme a couple of minutes, maybe you can feel a little more. You want to sleep?"
"Like I want to fucking breathe," Dominic laughs, then ducks his head, surprised by how bitter honesty tastes on his tongue. Elijah yawns again and then rolls back to his other side, opening his nightstand drawer. Dominic props himself up on arm, watching Elijah pull condoms and a bottle of pills from the drawer. A flicker of panic runs through his mind, like one of those spikes on heart monitors in TV shows, but Dominic blinks it away, willing to wait and watch what happens next. It's not bad, this not thinking thing, especially because not thinking has a chance of leading to not feeling.
Elijah rattles the pills in the bottle, humming a little tune before he turns and smiles at Dominic. "You want to shut down for a while, man, here's the little off switch. And I'm just that good enough a friend to share."
"You're fucking crazy, Elijah," Dominic sighs, but he tilts the bottle in Elijah's hand curiously nonetheless.
"And you're a crazy fuck. Luckily, that doesn't stop me from wanting to help you out."
“But they’re yours.”
“Strictly speaking, they’re my mom’s. But she’s seen the light, let’s say, okay.”
“And you’ve only got--" Dominic frowns and leans closer. “Ten left in there or something.”
“So I’ll get some more. It’s a running tab, you know, back home. I can get it FedEx’d if I have to.” Elijah tilts his head and smirks. “And don’t think I haven’t.”
Dominic stares at the bottle some more, willing it to give up information he doesn’t think he’s going to get from Elijah. “And all it does is help you sleep.”
“It’s prescription, Dom; it can’t hurt you if it can’t hurt me.” Elijah pauses, and then laughs, a high-pitched noise this time. “Not like I don’t think my doc wants me as dead sometimes as my mom does, but you know. Who wants to get sued, right? It’s not gonna hurt you, and it’s not gonna fuck you up any more than you want it to.”
The pills are small and not exactly unfriendly looking, so Dominic takes them, just palming them for a minute while Elijah turns to grab the bottle of water on his nightstand. Dominic’s swallowed them before Elijah has a chance to turn back, a fact that makes Elijah laugh again before he settles back down, his eyes considerably softer than before in Dominic’s direction. “Whatever works, Dom,” he sighs and lets his eyes fall a little while Dominic watches.
Dominic tries not to think about what's happening as it happens over the next several minutes, as the cloud of too many thoughts lifts and a sweeter fog takes its place in his mind. He doesn't feel fucked-up, only better; not dead or powerless, only relaxed and well beyond caring about anything but how much easier this is than everything has been for weeks. There's no second-guessing himself or anything else, not even when Elijah's hand falls on his stomach, a condom trapped between Elijah's fingers. Dominic stares at the condom for a long moment before he looks up at Elijah, and Elijah looks different now, calmer and older and kinder enough that Dominic just nods.
"It'll be good, Dom," Elijah says quietly, even as he leans in for a kiss that goes just as harsh as the ones before. Dominic closes his eyes when he feels Elijah's weight on him and the brush of Elijah's cock against his thigh, and when Elijah nudges Dominic's legs apart with his knee, Dominic nods again and surrenders--just surrenders.
Authors: kiltsandlollies and escribo
Characters: Dominic/Elijah
Word count: 6404
Summary: Overlaps the middle to end of this thread, and then onward.
Index
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction; the recognizable people in the story belong to themselves and have never performed the actions portrayed here. I do not know the actors nor am I associated with them in any way. If you are underage, please do not read this story. I am not making any profit from these stories, nor do I mean any harm.
This used to be such a simple thing: get up in the morning, have coffee, go to class, do homework, begin again the next day. Nothing's simple anymore for Dominic, though; nothing is easy, and it would make him laugh to remember his mum's lectures on not taking things for granted if it didn't make him want to cry instead. Standing outside the room where Billy lectures, the same room Dominic has come to again and again, Dominic now has to try to force himself forward where once he went not just willingly but enthusiastically. And today, he wonders if he has the strength for it at all.
He's already seen Billy once this morning, at the coffee shop, and he knows he'd managed to embarrass them both though he can barely remember what he'd said. He's sure he must have sounded desperate; he'd certainly felt it, and that's more embarrassing than any statement or gesture he might have made. He had clearly needed Billy more than Billy needed him. Dominic was now a problem to be solved, in Billy's mind--a student gone off course. Dominic's willing to admit at least that much is true, had always been true.
"Hey, Dom. Are you coming or going?"
"Going, I think," Dominic says, turning to look at Elijah and twisting his mouth into something meant to be a grin.
"Going where?" Elijah casts a glance into the open door of the classroom and sees Billy at the front of the room, tapping a sheaf of papers against the top of his desk, preparing himself for what looks like battle. "I think I might be with you, man. Professor Boyd looks like he's out for blood."
Dominic steps forward as if to look over Elijah's shoulder but catches himself and instead stops, tugs the strap of his bag a little higher on his shoulder and takes a step back. He doesn't need to see more than he'd already seen this morning; the disgust and disappointment on Billy's face is not something he's going to forget anytime soon. "Right," he says, nodding his head. "Right," he says again, but this time turns and heads back down the hall.
"Wait a minute, Dom." Elijah gives a last look into the classroom before he turns too, reaching out to stop Dominic with a hand to his arm. "Seriously, where are you going?"
"I don't know. Back to my room, I guess." Distracted, Dominic turns his head to look back at the classroom, knowing that missing a lecture isn't going to help his argument with Billy. Dominic shifts his weight from foot to foot, lifting his thumb to his mouth to gnaw on his nail, undecided now what's worse: risking Billy's harder frustration and anger or having to face him in class as if they hadn't even spoken earlier.
Elijah's hand slides around Dominic's waist and tugs a bit. When Dominic looks at him rather than the door, when his brow clears and something crosses his lips that's not only meant to be a grin but accomplishes the goal even if Dominic's eyes still look dead, Elijah smiles back and considers it progress, that maybe all is forgiven from the other night--if there'd been anything to forgive in the first place, really. Dominic may be a hell of a kisser and he may have a great ass, but Elijah isn’t in this for a relationship with a guy hung up on somebody else.
"My room's closer," Elijah says, glancing around to make sure they're alone in the hall before he steps even closer. They both hear Billy begin his lecture, his voice carrying over the sounds of students settling in before it's just Billy alone, not exactly waxing lyrical over whatever he's trying to teach this time. Dominic closes his eyes and leans into Elijah a bit, just listening. Elijah rubs his hand over Dominic's back, his cold fingers slipping beneath the edge of Dominic's shirt. "C'mon, Dom."
Dominic nods, his cheek rubbing against Elijah's, but stands still to listen for another moment even after Elijah's turned and begins to stroll down the hall, expecting him to follow. Dominic's thoughts don't move now to this morning but to another not nearly long enough ago, when Billy had just carried on. He can't understand Billy's ability to do that, to just carry on, as if nothing affected him, as if what they'd done together had never mattered.
Dominic shakes his head as if to clear it and rid himself of the sound of Billy's voice, and hurries to catch up with and fall into pace with Elijah. Outside, he jams his hands into his pockets, sorry once again that he's forgotten his jacket--a thought he immediately pushes from his mind before it brings images of Billy chiding him for the same thing.
"You ever just want to walk away, Elijah?"
Elijah's leaning a little as he walks, cupping his hands to blow on them in the cold. "From what?"
"Everything. Just, I don't know, get on a fucking train and go wherever. Stop wherever it stops. Get off at random and start over again."
"I did that, man. I mean, not just randomly, but what do you think I'm doing here?"
"Hell of a place to pick."
"Well, yeah," Elijah laughs and shrugs. "Had to start over somewhere, though. And I definitely didn't pick this place for the weather. Or the entertainment value."
Dominic grunts out a laugh, too, and then squints up at the glaring grey sky above them. Elijah tilts his head, waiting for Dominic to speak again, but when he doesn't, Elijah lowers his voice and bumps his shoulder against Dominic's.
"Listen, it doesn't work, right," he says simply. "You can't just run away and have everything magically change. It comes with you. Whatever rocks you got in your bag, they all come with you unless you empty them out. You have to change here." Elijah taps his fingers against Dom's forehead, and Dominic snorts before he smiles again.
"Got it all figured out, you."
"Not all of it. Just enough. A little bit, anyway. You've gotta just--" Elijah throws his hand short and quick in the air, as if waving away the smoke Dominic knows he'd love to be inhaling now. "Just learn not to care."
"That doesn't sound the least bit nihilistic."
"Hey, hey, look at that. You picked up something from Boyd."
"Too much, actually."
Elijah doesn't blink--Dominic checks--but keeps moving on, his own head raised to the sky now. "I don't mean--look, I still love my mom, right. I still email my sister and brother almost every day. I still go to class--most of the time. I don't mean not care about everything. But the things that hurt, right, the things that fuck you up here and here--" Elijah thumps his head and chest lightly, his hand flat and pale against his clothes and hair. "Make them go away. Give yourself five minutes of peace to not think about them, to realize how little they matter. Class sucks? Professor's being a dick? Money's tight? Some guy doesn't want to be with you anymore, or ever? Fuck him. Fuck all of it." Elijah takes a breath and grins sidelong at Dominic. "Live in the moment, right? Like I'm here, man. I'm right here."
Dominic nods and pushes his hands harder down into his pockets. "You are, yeah."
"You think too much, Dom. There's your problem. I can tell. You're thinking right now about what's going to happen because you bailed on Boyd's class today. What do you people call it? Skiving off? You're worrying about it. What's going to happen? Is Boyd gonna care? Is he gonna come after you and ask if you're feeling alright?"
Dominic smiles tightly, feeling the angry flush rise in his cheeks and praying Elijah's too wrapped up in what's beginning to sound like a manifesto to notice. "No."
"Of course not. And like last Friday night. What did we do? What did we do that was so fucking bad? Smoked a little weed and had a little fun. But you were tied up in knots about it. Thinking about it. Thinking about whatever. Did anything bad happen?"
Dominic has to pause at that, weighing what he's chosen to remember about that night. "No."
"Exactly," Elijah says, more loudly, almost too cheerfully for Dominic's ears. Elijah waves his hand again, this time to the entrance of his residence hall. "Look, we're here. Let's make a deal. We go up to my room and have fun today. Don't think about anything today. Don't even think of thinking. Can we do that?"
"Sound advice from Dr. Wood, right?" Dominic mumbles the words out, but he's following Elijah, taking the steps two at a time, his eyes on the bright red backs of Elijah's trainers.
"Fucking great advice from Dr. Wood."
"How come I'm beginning to think that following your advice ends in you getting sucked off?"
Elijah looks back sharply, but Dominic's smiling enough that Elijah holds back his first response of You shouldn't be beginning to think at all. Instead he shoves his key in the door and waves one more time, inviting Dominic back inside the room with a flourish. For a moment, the silence falls around them uncomfortably. Dominic is suddenly nervous, and he feels his hands starting to shake. He doesn't know what else to say, how to turn this day--this week, this month--around. Looking up at Elijah, at his little smirk over Dominic's hesitation, Dominic figures that perhaps whatever other option he's got right now, it isn't going to get any better than this, and maybe he shouldn't expect it to. "Thinking too much," he says by way of explanation, and steps inside.
Elijah nods and shuts the door with a gentle click and a gentler smile. "I can help you with that."
Dominic doesn't answer. He already knows a little of what Elijah calls help, and he's neither eager for nor completely opposed to any of the ideas. More, he's made curious by a sight he hadn't noticed in the weariness and blurred vision of the first night he'd been here, that of two bottles of pills on Elijah's bedside table, glowing an ugly dark orange against the wood. He blinks slowly and looks at Elijah, but Elijah's busy shucking his jacket and bag, leaving them in a neat pile on his dresser. Dominic decides to mentally file away the information that Elijah's taking something, just in case, and then frowns, angry with himself for assuming the worst and thinking there'd be anything to do with that information anyway. Especially when the meds could be for anything from hay fever to sleeplessness, both of which Dominic suffers, too. None of your business, Dominic tells himself, but his eyes drift back to the pills several times in the next few minutes.
"Okay," Elijah sighs happily, and Dominic turns, startled, to see Elijah flopping back on his bed, arms crossed behind his head as he falls. "No more thinking. Feels good, doesn't it?"
"Is that your secret, Elijah?" Dominic smiles. "Really? Just--not thinking?"
"You got a better one?"
Dominic shakes his head, the lie coming easily for once, maybe because it feels so true. "I don't have any secrets."
"Then we'll stick with mine." Another grin, and then Elijah tilts his head. "C'mere, man. You look like you could sleep for about a year."
"Probably could." Dominic's bag slides down his arm again and this time he lets it, listening to the quiet, dull sound it makes on the strangely patterned carpet remnant Elijah's dragged in here to make the place a little more like home, Dominic supposes. He knees his way up the bed carefully, hands moving over the duvet as if he's crawling up a topographical map. Elijah raises an eyebrow but waits until Dominic's fully beside him, on his stomach and resting on his elbows, to say anything.
"That's a big one, isn't it? Not sleeping." When Dominic nods, Elijah does too. "Fucking sucks. They gave me--I got something before I left L.A. It helps sometimes. Okay, it helps a lot. I don't, like, abuse it or anything, but it helps."
"So what's keeping you up?" Dominic smiles, relaxing down onto his forearms. Whatever else he thinks about Elijah, the guy's accent is fun to listen to once you're used to it, and Elijah seems like he's in a pretty good mood today. Dominic decides that he could use any good mood he can find, even if it's not his own, and so he shifts on the mattress, moving a little closer to Elijah, whose smile is smaller now, a little thoughtful.
"Music, mostly. No, seriously. It's like I hear it in my head all the time. Doesn't matter, though; I've got shit to do here that doesn't have anything to do with that." Elijah pauses and then seems to swallow the rest of his thought. "Doesn't matter," he says again. "I walk out of here with some paper saying I've been educated, I get to work on my music again. Until then--" Elijah shrugs. "I do a lot of not thinking."
"And being educated."
"And let me tell you, Dom, here? Sometimes that feels like the same thing."
Dominic wants to disagree; he could tell Elijah a lot about how good it feels to think, to be educated by someone willing to put in the work for you, with you. It's not an argument he can safely have now, though, knowing that even as he rests here with Elijah, one of the reasons Dominic's remained in Baskerville stands teaching to at least two empty chairs in his classroom.
He inches closer again to Elijah, judging it alright to press two fingers softly down Elijah's cheekbone. Elijah blinks and stares at Dominic, surprised, but he doesn't tell Dominic to stop.
"I'm sorry," Dominic says, and Elijah blinks again.
"What for?"
"I don't know, actually." Dominic looks down, laughs, and then looks back up again. "That you didn't find what you wanted here. That you're not doing your music or whatever."
Elijah nods, but it's a resigned gesture. "Did you want to take philosophy?"
Dominic shakes his head, then laughs again. "I did and I didn't. I was--convinced, I guess."
"That would take some fucking strong convincing if it were me, man. I mean. Like. Bribes. Bribes and beer. And vacations every two weeks. Philosophy, Jesus, just kill me."
"So what are you doing in the class?" Dominic's genuinely curious, and stunned that someone who's that disinterested in the subject matter ended up in Billy's session, of all places.
"Fuck if I know. No, actually I do. Somebody out there thinks studying philosophy makes you a 'well-rounded individual' or some shit, and I tested out of intro classes back home--back in L.A. It looked like an easy grade, Dom." Elijah slumps a little lower on the mattress. "Emphasis on looked."
"He's a good teacher, though," Dominic says quickly, shocked by his own rush to defend or protect, he doesn't know which. "Professor Boyd. We're--lucky, like. The rest of the department's really--they're not all good people."
"Oh, definitely, that's the first thing that comes to my mind when describing Boyd, Dom, 'good people.' He's an ass unless you can read his mind. The comments I get back from him--look, never mind. We're not thinking, and especially not about fucking class, okay."
We’re not thinking. Well, that’s true enough, Dominic supposes. He doesn’t have anything else to say, though, in Billy’s defense or otherwise, and so he nudges against Elijah’s shoulder and closes his eyes, taking deep breaths and hoping Elijah’s going to fall into that sleep maybe they both need. Sleep doesn’t come, though; instead there’s the quiet groan of Elijah’s mattress as he turns over to face Dominic, the curious touch of his cool little hand at Dominic’s waist. Dominic doesn’t open his eyes, but he takes a deeper inhale, surprised and not by his willingness to be touched, especially if Elijah keeps at it like this, slowly and carefully, not like the other night.
Elijah's lips on his own are dry and chapped, but his kiss is nice. Or maybe not nice, but comforting. Comfortable. Dominic leans closer and lets Elijah kiss his smile before he moves his hand up and down Elijah's arm and then over and onto Elijah's back. The room is quiet, and Dominic imagines that they might be the only ones here on Elijah's floor--maybe in the entire building. Everyone else is in class, as they should be. Before Dominic lets his thoughts wander once more to the class he's missing and the professor he's been missing for longer than just this morning, he slides his hand even lower on Elijah's back and takes their kiss deeper.
It's odd, kissing someone else now. He'd had many partners before Billy, especially partners with whom he'd had relationships like this--borne out of and sometimes peaking at casual kissing, touching. His relationship with Billy had been different. It had always felt like it meant something when they'd kiss; Dominic had always felt as though he were falling, as if the world was coming to an end, as if he and Billy were the only two people left. The loss of that feeling, frightening and exhilarating as it had been, hits Dominic hard. He urges Elijah on, searching for something he knows he's not going to find--kissing Elijah with tongue and teeth, biting gently at Elijah's chin when Elijah breaks the kiss to gasp for breath.
"Sometimes," Elijah begins and stops and closes his eyes to submit again to Dominic's kisses. "Sometimes it's like you're a million miles away, Dom. Like it's not even me who you're thinking about--"
Dominic silences him with a harder kiss and then backs off, forcing his own eyes open and a smile to form on his face. "You said we weren't supposed to be thinking at all."
"Yeah, well." Elijah takes a breath and rolls off the bed shakily, walking to his dresser and visibly irritated to find himself half-hard--to find himself so easily rattled and stirred up by Dominic. Dominic watches as he reaches for a cigarette, slapping the pack on his hand then crumpling it when he finds it empty. Elijah opens first one drawer then another, searching for another pack among his socks and t-shirts and jeans but finding nothing except half a joint tucked behind his stack of clean boxers, wrapped in a napkin. "Hey. This'll work."
Elijah takes his lighter and sits back on the end of the bed, ignoring Dominic now, purposely not turning to see if he's watching as he twists the paper tighter and lights up. He inhales deeply, holding the smoke in his lungs and closes his eyes, waiting for his pulse to slow a little before he holds out the joint to Dominic and keeping his eyes shut until he feels the bed dip as Dominic sits up and takes it from him. "Best remedy," Elijah murmurs. "Actually, it's probably too old to give you a buzz, but maybe not if you're not used it. But whatever."
Dominic takes a hit, laying back against the pillows and then holding the joint back out to Elijah. Almost in defiance of Billy's earlier words Whatever you've been doing with the time, it doesn't seem to have served you any better, he thinks this time's serving him just fine, thank you, and he tilts his head to look at Elijah now. "Does it bother you, Elijah? I mean, really bother you?"
Elijah turns watery eyes to Dominic, blinking in the smoke. He takes the remains of the joint and breathes in what he can, quickly stubbing it out into the ashtray on his bedside table before it burns his fingers. For a moment, he watches Dominic while he tries to form an answer to that that won't tell Dominic more than he needs to know, but then he turns and begins to climb awkwardly back up Dominic's side on the bed, leaning in for another kiss. That kiss deepens as he straddles Dominic's waist, gathering Dominic's wrists and pushing them into the mattress. Dominic doesn't fight him but doesn't really give, either, and Elijah pulls away from the kiss and waits for Dominic's eyes to open again.
"Tell me who you're thinking about, Dom," Elijah says, calmly and slowly. "Cause it sure as fuck isn't me."
"No one. He's no one."
"Then tell me about him." Elijah ducks his head for another kiss, keeping his voice so even Dominic almost squirms under its sound. "Tell me what you did with him. Tell me why he's got you so tied up."
Dominic lets a short breath out his nose but then swallows and speaks as if the words want to race from him. "We fucking--we fucking connected, you know? He knew me inside out. He knew exactly what I wanted. What I needed."
"What did you need?"
Dominic shakes his head back and forth slowly, shrugging his shoulders as much as he can. Fuck if I know, he wants to say, but this time the words don't seem to want to form. He laughs and stretches, relaxing his hands and wishing Elijah's weight on them were heavier, wishing Elijah would push harder and let him feel something--wishing, too, there'd been more to the joint they'd shared so that he could feel nothing at all. "Just. Just shut it, Elijah," he says thickly, tiredly, repeating it with a slurry pisstake of Elijah's own accent to convince himself and Elijah, too. "Shut up and kiss me," he says, perversely grateful when Elijah does.
It's too easy to slip his wrists from Elijah's grasp, and Dominic hates it, hates that he feels like he has to turn them so they each lay on their sides, facing one another. He reaches beneath Elijah's shirt and squeezes his eyes shut, pretending this feels good, pretending that it's Billy. Instead of cataloging the differences between Elijah and Billy, Dominic's mind searches for similarities in the way Elijah's hand pushes past the waistband of his jeans to cup his ass and pull him tight against Elijah's body, and the way Elijah's other hand tangles into Dominic's hair and tugs. Dominic kisses him harder, rewarding Elijah in some way that he can't begin to explain to either of them. He kisses Elijah's neck and rests heavily on him, not moving away until Elijah's hand travels to pull Dominic's shirt off and then rising up on his knees, his arms over his head.
Elijah runs his palms over Dominic's torso, down to his waist, reaching for the top button on Dominic's jeans. Dominic lets him, his hands falling loose and open at his sides, only the fingers restless to be caught up again and held still. He's not surprised when Elijah doesn't pick up the cue, instead just pulling his own shirt off and tossing it onto the floor before he turns his attention back to the fly of Dominic's jeans. Dominic takes the chance to really look at Elijah now, at the almost-bright pallor of his skin compared to his dark hair and the wiry strength in his thin arms and chest. Elijah looks up and catches Dominic's eye, blushing ferociously for only a moment before he recovers himself, pushing his hand inside Dominic's jeans to tangle his fingers through the coarse hair above Dominic's cock. Dominic's eyes close again and he swallows hard, harder still when Elijah strokes him awkwardly and then pulls his hand away, sinking back against the pillows and curling his hand now around Dominic's bicep.
Dominic adapts, turning on the bed to face Elijah properly again, trying to read what's happening here before it gets read to him loudly and all too clear. Elijah's not in the mood to wait him out, though; his grip around Dominic's arm moves back up to around Dominic's neck and then into his hair, tugging again, pushing Dominic down. It's then that Dominic more than parses it out, and he sinks, too, into his own thoughts. Elijah's not Billy or Greg or anyone else who'd been gentle, or careful, or slow when that was most what Dominic needed. But letting Elijah have the benefit of Dominic's experience with them and others now comes easily, if with its price, just like everything else. Dominic decides that maybe none of that care or gentleness or patience is what he needs now, and decides, too, for what seems like the hundredth time today, that he has to stop thinking. All he has to do--all he needs if maybe not wants--is to let Elijah make the decisions for him--for both of them, in his greedy, grasping way--and to at least show Elijah how fucking good he is at this.
Elijah's patience last just about as long as Dominic expects it to, and Dominic's not surprised when Elijah takes his cock in his hand, pressing the head against Dominic's lips and rubbing there until Dominic opens his lips and closes his eyes. Leaning over Elijah, Dominic merely breathes over Elijah's cock, heightening the sense of anticipation, until he begins dragging his tongue over the tip, his teeth very lightly scraping down the vein now practically throbbing. Above him, he hears Elijah moan and stiffen, his blunt fingernails digging into Dominic's neck.
With his eyes closed, Dominic’s able to pretend again. As long as Elijah isn't talking, imaging this is Billy is so much easier. He builds the scene in his head--that earlier today, instead of walking away from Dominic, Billy had reached for him--had forgiven Dominic and been forgiven in return; that they’d come back to his room because it was the closest place, and now he could show Billy why they should be together.
Kissing along Elijah's length, Dominic murmurs words of love, like he used to do with Billy in an effort to infuse his feelings into Billy’s skin, into the blood he knew he could make rush like no one else could. His words can’t be heard, but felt. Dominic listens for their effect when he takes Elijah full into his mouth and waits to hear him cry out in pleasure, knowing that Elijah will, because Dominic's good at this even when he doesn’t have reason or a real desire to be.
Drawing back after a moment, Dominic pulls away from Elijah's hands and tugs down Elijah's jeans, letting Elijah roll to one side of the bed to kick them off. The motion makes the mattress dip and sway again, and Dominic settles near the edge of the bed, catching his breath a little and counting the few seconds he has, still trying to keep control of himself and the situation. He's not alone with his thoughts long enough to stop Elijah from straddling his legs again, leaning in for a fiercer kiss as his hands dig back into Dominic's short hair. Elijah straightens and then reaches for his own cock again, stroking it a few times before he makes an urgent little noise and pushes at Dominic, sliding his cock past Dominic's lips and against Dominic's cheek as he staggers a bit. Dominic wants to laugh and settle Elijah down at the same time, but before he can do either Elijah pushes again and Dominic takes a deep breath, inhaling the sweeter smoke that's so deeply ingrained in Elijah's skin, his scent, especially this close, with this much heat between them. Elijah steps back slightly, dragging his thumb against Dominic's mouth whispering, "C'mon, Dom, c'mon."
"Elijah," Dominic starts, carefully, but Elijah shakes his head violently, his eyes soft but wild, too.
"Don't think about. Just fucking do it. C'mon."
Dominic opens his mouth again and Elijah's shoulders drop with relief and something else, too. He moves too fast and too hard, cussing before he draws back then forward again, while Dominic adjusts, relaxing and taking in Elijah's cock as if there's no reason to question it. "Fucking knew it," Elijah murmurs, pressing his thumb against Dominic's chin and urging Dominic's mouth open a little bit wider, changing the angle so that when Elijah slides in the third time he feels the head of his cock bump against the back of Dominic's throat. Dominic doesn't gag or gasp or back off sharply, so Elijah draws back, leaving just the head of his cock in Dominic's mouth as he pumps his hand down the shaft. Dominic closes his eyes and sucks, concentrating on the sound of Elijah's heavy breaths and the feel of Elijah's other hand tight on the back of Dominic's neck.
“So fucking good,” Elijah announces to the room, and maybe himself, Dominic thinks as he tries not to hear the echo. He doesn't see Elijah tip his head back before leaning forward, looking down, to see the bob of Dominic’s head against his thighs and his own fingers fisting sandy-blond hair, and can't catch the warning in Elijah's eyes.
"Open your eyes, Dom," Elijah says, the sound of his voice lower now but still as jarring. "I want you to see it's me." Elijah withdraws from Dominic's mouth, fucking his fist, drawing the precome over Dominic's lips, waiting until Dominic opens his eyes and looks up. Dominic sees clearly that it's not Billy, that no amount of wishing will make it so. He opens his mouth only slightly, letting Elijah push his cock in again, expecting nothing worse until Elijah holds Dominic's face between his hands and pushes, fucking Dominic's mouth while Dominic struggles to keep up, breathing heavily through his nose and hearing the blood rush and pound in his ears.
It takes little more before Elijah sucks in breath between his teeth and goes still, not enough time for Dominic to be completely prepared before he's coming in Dominic's mouth. Dominic tries to pull away, but finds he can't; he's trapped--not in the way he's craved, the way that happens between lovers who know each other's boundaries and don't mind testing them, but in a forced, choked way that leaves him gasping for air once Elijah is finished and pushing him away. He coughs and bows his head, trying to disassociate himself from this, from all of it.
This wouldn't have happened with Billy, he thinks in spite of every impulse not to. Whatever his moments of greed and possessiveness when they had sex, Billy had always been careful to let those types of decisions be made by Dominic, or at least to have presented the rules before and the repercussions of their being broken. But Elijah isn't Billy, and Dominic has discovered the danger of trying to pretend it's otherwise. Elijah's greedy and may even on another day be good, maybe even brilliant, but he's greedy to his own ends; there's no searching for a higher experience here, no real possessiveness either. Elijah doesn't want him--but then, Dominic reminds himself, neither does Billy.
Swallowing back more than just the bitterness of that particular thought--an experience no less unwanted than what's just happened with Elijah--Dominic tries to center himself again, to go still for as long as he has to. There has to be a point, Dominic reasons, when numbness will come, or at the very least silence.
Not anytime soon, though, if Elijah has anything to do with it, and clearly he does. He's already flopped down onto the bed and dragged Dominic with him, and now his breathing's slowed, words coming back to him.
"Definitely worth missing class for," Elijah laughs, and something in Dominic's stomach turns over, leading him to shift away from Elijah slightly, sitting up higher. "Hey, hey," Elijah continues, sitting up, too, one hand too warm now on Dominic's back. "You're not gonna tell me no one's ever, like, done that before. You can't. I thought maybe you'd like it a little--I don't know, rough. Like that's what you were talking about when you said ..." Elijah's voice trails off, and Dominic grits his teeth, forcing himself quiet even as he accepts that he can't demand the same of Elijah. "You can't blame me for that. I bet you fucking liked it. Tell the truth, Dom."
Dominic doesn't answer, so Elijah works his arms around Dominic, holding Dominic against his chest and leaning in to trail scattered kisses along Dominic's shoulders and neck. "I'm here, man, and where the fuck is he?" Elijah asks and Dominic remembers Elijah's little speech from earlier in the day--from what seems likes days or weeks ago. "I'm right here," he says again, and Dominic nods. "The way I see it, you have to decide what you want. It's not him. It can't be him. Who the fuck wants to chase after someone who doesn't want you back, right? So it's something else. You don't want to be alone. Or you don't want to think about how crazy this fucking school makes you and it's easier to pretend you were in love. Or maybe. Okay." Elijah pauses, tilting Dominic's chin so that Dominic has to look at him. "Maybe you want someone to tell you what you want."
"What do I want, Elijah?" Dominic can feel his mind clearing a little, and he turns to focus on Elijah's eyes, his chin and his mouth, telling himself that Elijah does have very nice lips. He can do this, Dominic decides. If he keeps Elijah's interest and attention, then at least he won't be alone. Elijah wants his body and his friendship or something like it, and there's no danger of falling in love. "Tell me what I want."
“Something more intense. Something that pushes you past your boundaries. That's what college is supposed to do for you, isn't it?” Elijah arches an eyebrow, but there's no sneer in his voice now, no tease or taunt that Dominic can hear. "Why waste it on someone who's never going to want you around for real or fall in love or some shit." He pauses, and blinks when Dominic's fingers trace along the line of his chin and cheekbone, but doesn't stop talking. After a few seconds Dominic finds himself enjoying the sound of Elijah's voice again, almost liking the rise and fall of Elijah's loping, all over the place accent. "I gave you what I knew you wanted, right? And if it didn't fucking hurt a little, then it wouldn't be worth it, right? You should be thanking me, man, though I'm not gonna, like, make you. You felt it, right?"
Dominic nods, and Elijah does, too. "Okay. So." Elijah offers a little smile and then a yawn. "So gimme a couple of minutes, maybe you can feel a little more. You want to sleep?"
"Like I want to fucking breathe," Dominic laughs, then ducks his head, surprised by how bitter honesty tastes on his tongue. Elijah yawns again and then rolls back to his other side, opening his nightstand drawer. Dominic props himself up on arm, watching Elijah pull condoms and a bottle of pills from the drawer. A flicker of panic runs through his mind, like one of those spikes on heart monitors in TV shows, but Dominic blinks it away, willing to wait and watch what happens next. It's not bad, this not thinking thing, especially because not thinking has a chance of leading to not feeling.
Elijah rattles the pills in the bottle, humming a little tune before he turns and smiles at Dominic. "You want to shut down for a while, man, here's the little off switch. And I'm just that good enough a friend to share."
"You're fucking crazy, Elijah," Dominic sighs, but he tilts the bottle in Elijah's hand curiously nonetheless.
"And you're a crazy fuck. Luckily, that doesn't stop me from wanting to help you out."
“But they’re yours.”
“Strictly speaking, they’re my mom’s. But she’s seen the light, let’s say, okay.”
“And you’ve only got--" Dominic frowns and leans closer. “Ten left in there or something.”
“So I’ll get some more. It’s a running tab, you know, back home. I can get it FedEx’d if I have to.” Elijah tilts his head and smirks. “And don’t think I haven’t.”
Dominic stares at the bottle some more, willing it to give up information he doesn’t think he’s going to get from Elijah. “And all it does is help you sleep.”
“It’s prescription, Dom; it can’t hurt you if it can’t hurt me.” Elijah pauses, and then laughs, a high-pitched noise this time. “Not like I don’t think my doc wants me as dead sometimes as my mom does, but you know. Who wants to get sued, right? It’s not gonna hurt you, and it’s not gonna fuck you up any more than you want it to.”
The pills are small and not exactly unfriendly looking, so Dominic takes them, just palming them for a minute while Elijah turns to grab the bottle of water on his nightstand. Dominic’s swallowed them before Elijah has a chance to turn back, a fact that makes Elijah laugh again before he settles back down, his eyes considerably softer than before in Dominic’s direction. “Whatever works, Dom,” he sighs and lets his eyes fall a little while Dominic watches.
Dominic tries not to think about what's happening as it happens over the next several minutes, as the cloud of too many thoughts lifts and a sweeter fog takes its place in his mind. He doesn't feel fucked-up, only better; not dead or powerless, only relaxed and well beyond caring about anything but how much easier this is than everything has been for weeks. There's no second-guessing himself or anything else, not even when Elijah's hand falls on his stomach, a condom trapped between Elijah's fingers. Dominic stares at the condom for a long moment before he looks up at Elijah, and Elijah looks different now, calmer and older and kinder enough that Dominic just nods.
"It'll be good, Dom," Elijah says quietly, even as he leans in for a kiss that goes just as harsh as the ones before. Dominic closes his eyes when he feels Elijah's weight on him and the brush of Elijah's cock against his thigh, and when Elijah nudges Dominic's legs apart with his knee, Dominic nods again and surrenders--just surrenders.