vistlip- [Oneshot] - 314
Authoress: kotaru
Title: 314
Chapters: 1/1
Band: Vistlip
Pairings: UmixRui (slightly onesided)
Rating: R for language, I guess?
Summary: What was he here for? The truth? Absolutely nothing.
Breath heavy against the pads of his fingertips, he tried desperately to keep warm as colored contacts scanned over the rusty inlay of metal numbers pressed into the apartment door's anatomy; three, one, four.
Room 314.
The familiarity of this area sparked an unfamiliar sense of hesitance and apprehension- anxiety bubbling within the cavity of his chest, as knuckles grazed over wood. He didn't knock-- only contemplated the action for what had to be the longest few minutes of his life. It wasn't usually under these particular circumstances in which they met. After so many mistakes after mistake, regrets, and a tension so tangible one could cut through it with a knife. Matters weren't normally pushed, but things were different this time. He didn't want their memories to be lost and unraveled through the unfortunate occurrence that was time.
But before Rui could even exert the energy to knock with a tightened fist-- to his surprise, he didn't have to. He stopped short of pushing forward, movements faltering and his face was coloured with confusion as the doorknob rattled for a few moments and opened to reveal a jaded-looking Umi. His already pale complexion seemed even paler, and he was apt to believe that it was due to a trick of light; illusion. Wanting to believe that anyone would look as white as he against the darkness that was Umi's apartment. And as he peeked past the taller man for two curious seconds, he did realize the lights were off, blinds closed, and he would even go as far as to say it appeared vacant-- if it were not for the very alive, very tangible man standing just a few feet from him.
"If..," Umi began, head tilting, and the glasses adorning his face fell three centimeters too low for his liking, " I had waited for you to knock, I would have been waiting here forever."
He had been waiting. Umi had been waiting for him.
Rui knew just as well as he how tired the guitarist had been of waiting-- how impatient he tended to be these days, and Rui couldn't blame him, not in the very least. But still, against the cold, uninviting structure of the front door to his apartment, he waited.
As seconds melded into minutes, and minutes into hours-- he waited. If only the damaged brunette had known how long he had anticipated for the quiet, subtle rustle of clothes outside of his door. How many times his heart jolted in false hope, when the noises he sought after turned out to be the innocent, but useless ministrations of a nameless someone in whom he could give two shits about. If only-- but he was glad he didn't. Such a weakness in him was foreign to the both of them, and he'd be damned if it overrode his pride.
The bassist wanted to apologize; for being a motionless puppet and keeping him waiting for the umpteenth time. For playing part in something that would ultimately be the end of them-- for just everything he could ever possibly be sorry about, he wanted to apologize to him, to Umi, at this very moment.
But even with a slacked jaw, and racing thoughts in which he could no longer control, Rui couldn't find the words to speak. He had the drive, the ability-- everything he needed to do so, but he had forgotten how to utilize either.
"You should..," Umi breathed, heavily-- impatiently," you should come in."
Rui blinked, mouth close and his expression more alert.
Just like that?
In fear he'd change his mind, he didn't question him- aside from the brief knit of eyebrows before he swiftly found his way inside of his apartment. There was a quick shuffle of feet and kicking of heels as he slipped out of his boots, then he spared the other a fairly apprehensive glance from where he stood. The door was already shut, allowing Rui to realize just how dark and eerily cold it was- standing there with Umi. And he still couldn't speak as he took in his tired features-- having not been this close to the other man in quite some time. But he was still just as unreadable as ever.
As his gaze lowered after having been locked with the other's for an unnervingly short moment, Rui opened his mouth again to speak, ".. I'm sorry," he muttered, in a voice smaller than he believed he was capable of. Unlike Umi, sounding weak around him was not a fear he suffered with-- Rui had always been the more vulnerable one in their dysfunctional relationship. He had nothing to be ashamed of. "For everything. For--"
By the blatant disregard of his band mate, Rui was cut short of his words as he watched the other walk off into his living room with disinterest. He was almost shaking and he never turned to allow his eyes to follow Umi's path, unsure of how to handle the situation presented to him. Lips pressed tightly together, Rui slowly shuffled out of the hallway and into the living room in which his guitarist had settled- cigarette perched between his lips.
Standing almost in the middle of the room- he didn't move. Afraid to get comfortable for a reason beyond his own understanding. And for a long moment, it was like that. Rui shifting his weight on either foot, fiddling with fingers, and pulling at the cloth of his shirt whilst Umi blew out long, slow puffs of smoke to litter the air with cancer. It didn't get much more awkward than that.
"Say something."
Umi snapped, and the bassist was almost taken aback. Not by the tone in which the other was so good at taking advantage of, but by his ridiculous demand. Really?
"... I just tried to.."
"Say something that actually makes a difference."
Frustration instantly hit the brunette's form, and he had almost- almost forgotten why he had even bothered to take the trip out here. And when Umi was met with silence, he took that as cue to speak up again. "You owe me that much."
"Fuck you, Umi." Rui bit back, finally taking full advantage of the smaller couch opposite the one the guitarist was settled upon. Face in his hands, and elbows on legs, he didn't dare look up to catch the other's presumably dead gaze. No matter how uncharacteristic of him the bassist's latest words were, Umi would not budge. Took a good look at his bandmate and another drag of his cigarette before crushing it in the ashtray before him- but he showed no trace of surprise in his wrecked form. It was almost... annoying. And the musician almost wanted to test him. Wanted to get him to show him some other emotion aside from anger and that unimpressed expression that would often follow.
He didn't have to contemplate long, actually- the thought coming to him as quickly as the idea did and he brought his head up to finally attempt to catch the guitarist's gaze. It took a moment, as for a long while Umi was much more interested in the off-white of his walls, than Rui himself. But once he caught it, he sucked in a soft breath and moved his lips to speak.
"I love you."
It was funny, honestly. Contradicting, considering how vehemently his words were muttered before. And now his tone was soft, almost pathetic, but purposely so. He meant it- every syllable, but with a forced exaggeration as to create a chain reaction within his band mate and force a reaction he would be satisfied with. From across the room, he could feel Umi falter a little.
He wasn't satisfied with that.
A small, almost aggravated glance to his ashtray signaled that the blonde wished he hadn't put out his cigarette so soon- wanted it now more than before and he inwardly cursed at his bad timing. So with an initial lack of response, Umi ran his hands up and down his legs in a frantic effort to preoccupy himself whilst he came up with a proper response. And that he did, finally able to sit back comfortably as he crossed legs at the knee. "If you're going to continue to say useless things, I regret letting you in."
Rui still wasn't satisfied, and he vaguely remembered how it hadn't always been this hard for him to play wolf and blow down the walls of his pride. Over the time they hadn't spoken, he figured he must have built up a layer of brick to replace the plaster that was originally there. He was never a good wolf, anyway.
He paused, glancing away and pressing his teeth into his bottom lip as a bad habit. What was he here for, then? He was beginning to forget.
While he still had the balls to, Rui stood, hesitantly making his away across the room to where Umi sat- confused as to what the other man was planning on doing. He just wanted to remember why he cared so much. Why exactly he put forth so much effort into saving this relationship. Umi was a dick, and maybe he cared a lot more than he let on, but that wasn't enough. The faint assumption of someone maybe caring, wasn't enough. It was time to break down the walls, and if the blonde couldn't manage to allow that much to the man he once considered his lover- then he was done. There was nothing else for the bassist to do.
A little ways away from his band mate, he lowered himself upon his knees and he only had to crane his neck upwards a little bit to find the gaze that had fallen upon his own at the gesture. Umi was confused, but he needed him to be for now.
Rui lifted his hands to bring Umi's face down against his until noses were touching- just barely. That should have been enough for the bassist to revel in the mere fact the other was allowing him to get so close, but he was too focused.
"I need to know what I'm doing here," he spoke, in a whisper, as that was all it took for the other to hear him, "i'm not perfect, and you aren't either- but for some reason, two wrongs are supposed to make a right, and at some point you were okay with that."
"What are you getting at..?" he questioned, genuinely unsure of what Rui was doing- of what the other was asking of him. He could feel the muscles in his face tense along with the rest of his body- sparking some sort of a false hope within the bassist.
"I love you, Umi. I know I fucked up, but let me know if this is worth fighting for."
After his words followed a silence that Rui was unsure of how to read. Umi was no longer confused- he knew what he wanted to hear. He knew what he needed to say, but instead, he let the steady ticking of his clock speak for him. Once again, as seconds melded into minutes-- he waited, but the positions were flipped and Rui felt how painful it was to have to wait. To wait and to wait, only to receive nothing in the end. What was he here for? The truth? Absolutely nothing. From the beginning, he expected nothing. From the beginning, this was all just a bout of false hope. Using pseudo intentions to cover up his true reasoning for being here. He just wanted to be forgiven. It didn't change the fact that Umi was being a dick, or frustratingly difficult to deal with it- but he had every reason to be. Although he tried, he couldn't put the blame on him to make the blow even just a little bit easier.
And with a slow nod, he stood, orbs straying from the guitarist's almost sympathetic gaze.
"Okay," he muttered, an attempt to accept the truth. "Thank you. That's all I needed."
As the bassist stood, moving to step away, he was surprised to find calloused hands pull him backwards and soft lips suddenly against his own. It was meant as nothing more than an apology though, he knew. There was no underlying tone to it, or a whatever he could have hoped it would be. Just an apology- maybe a loose promise. Maybe, one day. Whether in another life, or two months from now. Maybe. Maybe was something he was going to have to live with, no matter how discouraging it was- such was life.
Umi pulled away, and the bassist was unable to look him in the face- however he was able to manage a soft, though weak smile in appreciation. Without another word, he stepped further away as his hands lingered against Umi's arms until he was too far away to touch.
Incidentally, Rui's eyes ran over the clock on the wall- the same clock in whom's ticking served as a nasty manifestation of the short time had to wait for the answer that never came.
3:14.
Title: 314
Chapters: 1/1
Band: Vistlip
Pairings: UmixRui (slightly onesided)
Rating: R for language, I guess?
Summary: What was he here for? The truth? Absolutely nothing.
Breath heavy against the pads of his fingertips, he tried desperately to keep warm as colored contacts scanned over the rusty inlay of metal numbers pressed into the apartment door's anatomy; three, one, four.
Room 314.
The familiarity of this area sparked an unfamiliar sense of hesitance and apprehension- anxiety bubbling within the cavity of his chest, as knuckles grazed over wood. He didn't knock-- only contemplated the action for what had to be the longest few minutes of his life. It wasn't usually under these particular circumstances in which they met. After so many mistakes after mistake, regrets, and a tension so tangible one could cut through it with a knife. Matters weren't normally pushed, but things were different this time. He didn't want their memories to be lost and unraveled through the unfortunate occurrence that was time.
But before Rui could even exert the energy to knock with a tightened fist-- to his surprise, he didn't have to. He stopped short of pushing forward, movements faltering and his face was coloured with confusion as the doorknob rattled for a few moments and opened to reveal a jaded-looking Umi. His already pale complexion seemed even paler, and he was apt to believe that it was due to a trick of light; illusion. Wanting to believe that anyone would look as white as he against the darkness that was Umi's apartment. And as he peeked past the taller man for two curious seconds, he did realize the lights were off, blinds closed, and he would even go as far as to say it appeared vacant-- if it were not for the very alive, very tangible man standing just a few feet from him.
"If..," Umi began, head tilting, and the glasses adorning his face fell three centimeters too low for his liking, " I had waited for you to knock, I would have been waiting here forever."
He had been waiting. Umi had been waiting for him.
Rui knew just as well as he how tired the guitarist had been of waiting-- how impatient he tended to be these days, and Rui couldn't blame him, not in the very least. But still, against the cold, uninviting structure of the front door to his apartment, he waited.
As seconds melded into minutes, and minutes into hours-- he waited. If only the damaged brunette had known how long he had anticipated for the quiet, subtle rustle of clothes outside of his door. How many times his heart jolted in false hope, when the noises he sought after turned out to be the innocent, but useless ministrations of a nameless someone in whom he could give two shits about. If only-- but he was glad he didn't. Such a weakness in him was foreign to the both of them, and he'd be damned if it overrode his pride.
The bassist wanted to apologize; for being a motionless puppet and keeping him waiting for the umpteenth time. For playing part in something that would ultimately be the end of them-- for just everything he could ever possibly be sorry about, he wanted to apologize to him, to Umi, at this very moment.
But even with a slacked jaw, and racing thoughts in which he could no longer control, Rui couldn't find the words to speak. He had the drive, the ability-- everything he needed to do so, but he had forgotten how to utilize either.
"You should..," Umi breathed, heavily-- impatiently," you should come in."
Rui blinked, mouth close and his expression more alert.
Just like that?
In fear he'd change his mind, he didn't question him- aside from the brief knit of eyebrows before he swiftly found his way inside of his apartment. There was a quick shuffle of feet and kicking of heels as he slipped out of his boots, then he spared the other a fairly apprehensive glance from where he stood. The door was already shut, allowing Rui to realize just how dark and eerily cold it was- standing there with Umi. And he still couldn't speak as he took in his tired features-- having not been this close to the other man in quite some time. But he was still just as unreadable as ever.
As his gaze lowered after having been locked with the other's for an unnervingly short moment, Rui opened his mouth again to speak, ".. I'm sorry," he muttered, in a voice smaller than he believed he was capable of. Unlike Umi, sounding weak around him was not a fear he suffered with-- Rui had always been the more vulnerable one in their dysfunctional relationship. He had nothing to be ashamed of. "For everything. For--"
By the blatant disregard of his band mate, Rui was cut short of his words as he watched the other walk off into his living room with disinterest. He was almost shaking and he never turned to allow his eyes to follow Umi's path, unsure of how to handle the situation presented to him. Lips pressed tightly together, Rui slowly shuffled out of the hallway and into the living room in which his guitarist had settled- cigarette perched between his lips.
Standing almost in the middle of the room- he didn't move. Afraid to get comfortable for a reason beyond his own understanding. And for a long moment, it was like that. Rui shifting his weight on either foot, fiddling with fingers, and pulling at the cloth of his shirt whilst Umi blew out long, slow puffs of smoke to litter the air with cancer. It didn't get much more awkward than that.
"Say something."
Umi snapped, and the bassist was almost taken aback. Not by the tone in which the other was so good at taking advantage of, but by his ridiculous demand. Really?
"... I just tried to.."
"Say something that actually makes a difference."
Frustration instantly hit the brunette's form, and he had almost- almost forgotten why he had even bothered to take the trip out here. And when Umi was met with silence, he took that as cue to speak up again. "You owe me that much."
"Fuck you, Umi." Rui bit back, finally taking full advantage of the smaller couch opposite the one the guitarist was settled upon. Face in his hands, and elbows on legs, he didn't dare look up to catch the other's presumably dead gaze. No matter how uncharacteristic of him the bassist's latest words were, Umi would not budge. Took a good look at his bandmate and another drag of his cigarette before crushing it in the ashtray before him- but he showed no trace of surprise in his wrecked form. It was almost... annoying. And the musician almost wanted to test him. Wanted to get him to show him some other emotion aside from anger and that unimpressed expression that would often follow.
He didn't have to contemplate long, actually- the thought coming to him as quickly as the idea did and he brought his head up to finally attempt to catch the guitarist's gaze. It took a moment, as for a long while Umi was much more interested in the off-white of his walls, than Rui himself. But once he caught it, he sucked in a soft breath and moved his lips to speak.
"I love you."
It was funny, honestly. Contradicting, considering how vehemently his words were muttered before. And now his tone was soft, almost pathetic, but purposely so. He meant it- every syllable, but with a forced exaggeration as to create a chain reaction within his band mate and force a reaction he would be satisfied with. From across the room, he could feel Umi falter a little.
He wasn't satisfied with that.
A small, almost aggravated glance to his ashtray signaled that the blonde wished he hadn't put out his cigarette so soon- wanted it now more than before and he inwardly cursed at his bad timing. So with an initial lack of response, Umi ran his hands up and down his legs in a frantic effort to preoccupy himself whilst he came up with a proper response. And that he did, finally able to sit back comfortably as he crossed legs at the knee. "If you're going to continue to say useless things, I regret letting you in."
Rui still wasn't satisfied, and he vaguely remembered how it hadn't always been this hard for him to play wolf and blow down the walls of his pride. Over the time they hadn't spoken, he figured he must have built up a layer of brick to replace the plaster that was originally there. He was never a good wolf, anyway.
He paused, glancing away and pressing his teeth into his bottom lip as a bad habit. What was he here for, then? He was beginning to forget.
While he still had the balls to, Rui stood, hesitantly making his away across the room to where Umi sat- confused as to what the other man was planning on doing. He just wanted to remember why he cared so much. Why exactly he put forth so much effort into saving this relationship. Umi was a dick, and maybe he cared a lot more than he let on, but that wasn't enough. The faint assumption of someone maybe caring, wasn't enough. It was time to break down the walls, and if the blonde couldn't manage to allow that much to the man he once considered his lover- then he was done. There was nothing else for the bassist to do.
A little ways away from his band mate, he lowered himself upon his knees and he only had to crane his neck upwards a little bit to find the gaze that had fallen upon his own at the gesture. Umi was confused, but he needed him to be for now.
Rui lifted his hands to bring Umi's face down against his until noses were touching- just barely. That should have been enough for the bassist to revel in the mere fact the other was allowing him to get so close, but he was too focused.
"I need to know what I'm doing here," he spoke, in a whisper, as that was all it took for the other to hear him, "i'm not perfect, and you aren't either- but for some reason, two wrongs are supposed to make a right, and at some point you were okay with that."
"What are you getting at..?" he questioned, genuinely unsure of what Rui was doing- of what the other was asking of him. He could feel the muscles in his face tense along with the rest of his body- sparking some sort of a false hope within the bassist.
"I love you, Umi. I know I fucked up, but let me know if this is worth fighting for."
After his words followed a silence that Rui was unsure of how to read. Umi was no longer confused- he knew what he wanted to hear. He knew what he needed to say, but instead, he let the steady ticking of his clock speak for him. Once again, as seconds melded into minutes-- he waited, but the positions were flipped and Rui felt how painful it was to have to wait. To wait and to wait, only to receive nothing in the end. What was he here for? The truth? Absolutely nothing. From the beginning, he expected nothing. From the beginning, this was all just a bout of false hope. Using pseudo intentions to cover up his true reasoning for being here. He just wanted to be forgiven. It didn't change the fact that Umi was being a dick, or frustratingly difficult to deal with it- but he had every reason to be. Although he tried, he couldn't put the blame on him to make the blow even just a little bit easier.
And with a slow nod, he stood, orbs straying from the guitarist's almost sympathetic gaze.
"Okay," he muttered, an attempt to accept the truth. "Thank you. That's all I needed."
As the bassist stood, moving to step away, he was surprised to find calloused hands pull him backwards and soft lips suddenly against his own. It was meant as nothing more than an apology though, he knew. There was no underlying tone to it, or a whatever he could have hoped it would be. Just an apology- maybe a loose promise. Maybe, one day. Whether in another life, or two months from now. Maybe. Maybe was something he was going to have to live with, no matter how discouraging it was- such was life.
Umi pulled away, and the bassist was unable to look him in the face- however he was able to manage a soft, though weak smile in appreciation. Without another word, he stepped further away as his hands lingered against Umi's arms until he was too far away to touch.
Incidentally, Rui's eyes ran over the clock on the wall- the same clock in whom's ticking served as a nasty manifestation of the short time had to wait for the answer that never came.
3:14.