Mission #5: Past Meets Future
Sometimes the reason why an author chose to write fanfiction rather than original fiction is anyone's guess. But when they do, and the OC is a Sue, Protectors sharpen their pen.
A/N: Protectors of the Plot Continuum were founded by Jay and Acacia. Past Meets Future was written by Pureevil230. Excerpts from that story are quoted in italics. All quotes are unchanged except for two minor edits: < was replaced by < and I've added the occasional full stop. This mission was chronicled by IndeMaat
-oOo-
PPC agents Tasmin and Allison sat in their office. Tasmin had taken her Beretta 92SB apart and was cleaning it lovingly. Allison had just received her own Character Analysis Device and was reading the instruction manual that came with it. Or rather the instruction leaflet. Three-quarters of it contained remarks of what not to do with a Character Analysis Device. Do not put it in a microwave. Do not pour coffee over it. Do not leave behind in a fic. The actual instruction was just one sentence: point and read out. Allison pointed the device at Tasmin and read out: [Tasmin, female, PPC agent, canon].
"Canon? Tasmin, how come you are canon?"
Tasmin glared at her. She didn't like being disturbed while spending quality time with her weapon. "Because I belong in this story, you fool."
Allison considered this and pointed the device at herself. [Allison, female, PPC agent, canon]. "Wicked, I'm canon too."
"Yeah, bummer."
Before Allison could ask what she meant by 'bummer' a loud noise pierced through the quiet of their afternoon.
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP
"This is not a good time. My gun is all in pieces." Tasmin quickly started re-assembling her weapon.
Allison rolled her desk chair over to the console to see what was up. "No, need to rush. This fic is nearly two years old. If the Sue has lasted this long, she can wait five more minutes."
"Sometimes, five more minutes can be the difference between life and death. Open up a portal." Tasmin made some quick checks and loaded her Beretta with a full clip. She grabbed her bag that was standing ready -- Tasmin was always prepared -- and jumped through the portal after Allison. "Fatigues?" she asked her partner about their disguises.
"It seemed appropriate. The A-Team is gonna be military in this fic." Allison stuffed her Character Analysis Device in a side pocket.
"Where are we?"
"Second chapter hotel. I didn't think I could get us into the conference room unnoticed. You'll just have to read the Words to find out what happened there."
Tasmin scanned the Words.
Accidents do happen though, anyway your team is legendary Colonel Smith so you would have an easy time but I guess I could give you all an honorary discharge if you so wished.
"You can start by writing her up for lack of punctuation." Tasmin moved her duffel bag onto her shoulder. "You know with all these badly spelled and punctuated fics I'm really starting to wonder what it is kids are taught in school nowadays."
"I once read somewhere that by the year 2000 half the USA population would be illiterate. It was a 1990 statement." Allison padded herself down to find her notebook.
"I think half the fanfic writers are illiterate."
"I seem to have forgotten my notebook."
"Great, again." Tasmin rolled her eyes. "You know, this partnership is only going to work if we each keep up our tasks: you charge the Sue and I kill her. And for you to charge her, you need to be able to write down what she did wrong."
"I know, I know. I have an idea." Allison walked over to the reception desk and asked for a piece of paper and a pen. A moment later she returned to Tasmin with both items.
"I have a feeling there is going to be a lot of people in this story we have to kill," Tasmin said pensative. "I think you should make a separate list of that, so we can check them off and see if we missed anyone."
Allison folded the sheet of paper in half twice and started the list on one quarter. Tasmin opened her bag to check whether she had brought a spare clip. The A-Team and Frankie walked past them without taking notice. Allison nudged Tasmin to pay attention.
Hannibal placed a credit card on the counter, "We'd like your military suite." The woman nodded and swiped his card and stuttered, "Oh...uh...it's discounted military gets discounts. Enjoy."
"A credit card that says you're military?" Allison asked.
"I've never heard of it," Tasmin replied. "But credit card companies know more about us than the government so I guess it's possible."
"Yes, but would Hannibal have a credit card like that? He's been in hiding for nearly fifteen years. The guy knows how not to leave a trail, paper or any other kind."
"Good point, make a note of that."
Allison quickly scribbled it down. "And military suite?"
"Doubt it. Some hotels have Royal Suites, others Empire Suites. Perfectly possible that there is one that has a Military Suite. I imagine it is decorated rather spartan."
"Fair enough." Allison pocketed the sheet of paper and the pen. "C'mon, they're heading for the lifts." She started to follow the Team then took a nose dive. "What was that?"
Tasmin nearly folded with laughter.
"What?"
"You just tripped over the Author's Notes." She wiped a few tears from her eyes. "You should see your face."
"Author's Notes? What are they doing in the middle of the chapter? And why am I always tripping over these things?"
"I don't know, and because you don't pay attention to the Words. Get up, we have some eavesdropping to do." Tasmin lifted her leg up high to get over the Author's Notes and headed for the elevators. Allison scrambled to her feet and went after her.
"I saw something interesting when I was down there," Allison said as the elevator took them up to the top floor.
"They don't vacuum very well underneath the potted plants."
"Haha. No, I got a look at the reviews to this story."
"Oh, what did they say?"
"One said it was interesting."
"That's just a euphemism for 'liked the idea, don't like what you did with it'."
"And the other reviewer pointed out that the main female character was 'a little Mary Sueish'."
"A little Mary Sueish?"
Allison nodded.
"That's a big red neon sign saying 'Come and see. Mary Sue here!' A little Mary Sueish." Tasmin shook her head. "There is no such thing as a little Mary Sueish."
"Except if the Mary Sue is only five feet tall."
"Short Mary Sues can still be big and flaring. Besides Mary Sues are rarely short."
They reached the top floor. There was only one door and they each put an ear to it to listen in on the A-Team. Hannibal was talking to his men about the decision they needed to take.
BA had a murdering look and grinded his metal into his palm menacingly.
"Grinded would be ground. But what is 'his metal'?" Allison asked.
Tasmin shrugged in reply. "I can't see, so I can't tell either." She retrieved the remote activator from her bag. "I can't make much sense of this story yet. I'm not even sure it is 'interesting'. All I know is that tomorrow this lot is going to talk to one general Malachai and I for one don't care to wait the actual time." She opened a portal. "Have you put him on our hit list?"
"I have."
"And the receptionist too?"
"Her too? She seemed generic; she could fit into any story."
"She got autographs from the A-Team, or weren't you paying attention?"
"I think I was having a lie down. But A-Team autographs that's a good reason to get your brain blown out." Allison followed Tasmin through the portal, into another hallway.
"See, it is possible to get close to the A-Team when they are having military conferences." Tasmin closed the portal with a smile, and walked over to a desk. "Hello," she said to the man behind the desk. "We would like to see General Malachai?"
The soldier looked a little disturbed. "Uh, oh, uh, do you have an appointment?" It took him a moment to get into character.
"No, we don't. But if you could squeeze us in somewhere. That would be wonderful." She gave the soldier a little wink.
"He has a conference in a few minutes, but if that finishes early I guess you could see him."
"That would be wonderful."
"You can sit over there and wait."
"Thank you, very kind."
Tasmin and Allison sat down in the seating area.
"Do I put him on the hit list too?"
"No, he's not mentioned in the fic; he can live."
Tasmin picked up a couple of magazines and gave one to Allison. They hid behind them when the A-Team walked past them. Canon characters aren't supposed to notice PPC agents. But Tasmin didn't think it entirely improbable that if canon kept not noticing the same two faces, sooner or later, they would notice.
"Why are they wearing fatigues?" Allison whispered to Tasmin glancing over her magazine to the Team.
"I think for the same reason as you made us wear them: because they are going to be in the military."
Hannibal announced them and they were led into an air-conditioned conference room.
"I think we're in the wrong place," Tasmin suddenly said.
"What? Why?"
"I was thinking maybe we could kill the general now, but if we do, the Sue probably will not meet the Team."
"And this is a problem why?"
"Because we can't charge her if she doesn't meet the Team."
"If we can't charge her, means she also hasn't done anything wrong. I like that last part."
"I like the way you think, Allison, but sadly the rules don't allow it. I don't like it anymore than you do."
"But you're a stickler for the rules, aren't you?"
"Yes, I am. And proud of it."
"Are you sure it's because of the rules you want to charge the Sue, or because you love hunting Sue?"
To that Tasmin didn't reply, just threw Allison a rather disconcerting grin. Allison thought Tasmin didn't have the personality that allowed for a lot of smiling.
Tasmin opened a portal and both agents stepped through.
-oOo-
Allison only just avoided a tree when Tasmin stepped out of the way in front of her.
"I think the obstacle course is over there." Tasmin pointed the way. They hid in the shrubbery to stay unnoticed. The A-Team was standing a few feet away from them.
They just pointed to the course and he followed to see someone running through it with no problem as if the course was the easiest thing in the world. As the person got closer to the end they were shocked to realize it was a girl.
Allison grabbed for the sheet of paper and turned over to write something down with the piece of paper on her leg. "Turning A-Team into sexist pigs."
"What? Where did you get that?"
Allison pointed at the Words. "Shocked is a negative emotion. People are shocked when they get a surprise they don't like. There's no reason for the A-Team not to like that she took the obstacle course with ease."
"I don't like she took the obstacle course with ease. That doesn't make me a sexist."
"You don't like it because it's a Sue characteristic. That's different. You want me to scratch the sexist pig charge?"
"No, leave it. Good pick up."
undid her sneakers and slipped into black high-heeled boots and zipped them up
"Add that she immediately puts on some inappropriate and impractical footwear." Tasmin smiled to herself: this charge sheet was pretty much writing itself.
Five men stepped from the shadows and drew Tasmin's and Allison's attention away from the words.
"Yummy," Tasmin said.
Allison licked her lips. "Very yummy."
They watched as the men took the obstacle course and had it a lot harder than the girl.
"I'm sorry to say, but the best trained woman will still do worse in the obstacle course than the best trained man."
"Can't we just assume that she's trained a lot better than they are?" Allison remarked.
Tasmin looked at her with a pitiful smile. "PPC agents don't assume. They look at the facts. The fact is that these men are her team. They are likely to have had as much training as she has. Thus they should be able to do the obstacle course about as well as she can, if not better. Unless she is exceptionally talented. In which case she is a Sue."
Allison took a note.
"I have a question for you: how long do you suppose it takes for someone to move up the ranks to colonel?" Tasmin asked.
"Do you mean proper colonel or lieutenant colonel?"
"For arguments sake let's say lieutenant colonel."
"Takes about fourteen to sixteen years of service as an officer to reach the rank of lieutenant colonel."
"Good. You've done your homework." Tasmin smirked. "Would you call anyone who was a lieutenant colonel a girl?"
"Not to their face I wouldn't."
"I meant age wise."
"Shall I just write her up for making someone a colonel before their time? Probably also something we can attribute to her exceptional talent. Or maybe she just had a great face-lift and because of that looks a lot younger than she actually is."
"Shut up." Tasmin turned back to gaze at the men catching their breaths after the obstacle course. The girl-colonel sent them away to get showers. Tasmin made a noise of sadness. A quick look at the Words made her perk up and nudge Allison. "Pay attention for this."
Another soldier stood before the girl and harassed, "Hey baby why don't you show more skin you know ya want to?"
"Write down: one random soldier out of no where; soldier talking way out of line."
"I'm sure it has a purpose for the story," Allison said. "Besides, she's not wearing her insignia, how was he to know?"
"A soldier should know that pretty much everybody outranks him. Thereby, that's no way to talk to anyone who's a colleague. Have you put him on our hit list?" Tasmin sounded annoyed. "And stop defending things that happen in this fic."
it's not my problem that you're a pig who can't keep from looking at my chest. Also Private you shouldn't open your mouth to a Colonel that has a gun pointed at your head."
"See, purpose. She's showing the A-Team that she can handle herself."
"And write her up for being out of order too. Military personal does not point guns at one and other; even if the other is being insubordinate. Where did she get that gun from anyway?"
Allison looked up to take a good look at the Sue. "Maybe she ran the obstacle course with it, or she had it hidden in her high-heeled boots. I wasn't paying much attention to her before."
"And she didn't mention the make of the gun."
Allison rolled her eyes. "Not everyone is as obsessed with brands as you are, Tasmin."
"Bet ya the Sue named the make of the shoes."
"She didn't, actually. And will you put your head down? Squinting at the gun to get its type and serial number could get us found out."
Tasmin lay back down and looked at the words. She snorted. A general walked up to the girl-colonel. Tasmin thought it probably was the aforementioned Malachai. The agents hadn't seen him yet, so forgoing proper introduction, they didn't recognize him now. The general and the Sue had a short debriefing about her last mission. Her team had been a bit overzealous.
He sighed, " I know you hate war prisons."
"?" Allison asked. "What's with the funny brackets?"
"Probably to indicate that Ice isn't her real name."
"We never would have guessed." Allison took a note.
"Fine but I want your team to work with the A-team and hopefully persuade them to stay in the military." She looked confused, "Who?" The A-team's ego went from 1000 to 0 with that one question.
"I doubt the A-Team's ego took quite such a dent that a no name doesn't know their name either," Tasmin sneered. "Write her up."
"Way ahead of you."
"You'll see meet us in the conference room in 30 minutes."
"How many charges have we got already?"
"Thirteen charges and nine people for the hit list."
"Pretty good." Tasmin looked up. "Hey, where did the A-Team go?"
"Didn't they start the obstacle course?"
The two agents scrambled up and walked into the path to find the Team.
"Maybe the general also told them to meet him in thirty minutes?" Allison suggested.
"Hmm." Tasmin looked at the obstacle course. "You remember Basic Training?"
"Vividly. I had a refresher course last week."
"What do you say? You and I on that obstacle course. Loser carries my duffel bag."
"Shouldn't we also go to that conference room? They start in a few minutes."
"We have a portal; we can go to that conference any time. C'mon, obstacle course, or are you chicken."
"Okay, I'm game. Not because you try to taunt me with words, but because that arrogant smile needs to be wiped off your face."
"Works for me." Tasmin hid her duffel bag in the ditch. Allison put the things that came from her pockets on top. They walked to the start of the course and got into starting position. "Ready? Go!"
Both agents started running, fighting not only the obstacles but also each other. At the end of the course they both collapsed.
"Not bad, shorty, not bad at all," Tasmin managed in between gasping breaths. She rolled herself on her back to catch more air.
"I'm not short." Allison leaned on a hand and knees. With her other hand she pushed in her side to stop the stabbing pain. "I'm five feet five and a half."
"If you count the half, that means you're short."
"It doesn't mean I'm short; it means I'm precise."
"Right. Anyway, go get my duffel bag. You're carrying it."
-oOo-
Allison suggested going back to headquarters to shower, but Tasmin decided they didn't smell worse than the fic they were in, and since she controlled the remote activator -- even though Allison was carrying her bag -- they stayed.
They arrived back at the desk of Malachai's secretary as the clock struck thirty. Tasmin checked her watch.
"Someone ought to fix that clock."
"Yeah," the soldier replied. "It's been funny like that lately. Here to see general Malachai again?"
"Yes, how very good of you to notice."
"I'm afraid he's in another meeting." The soldier nodded with his head to the open door of the conference room. Tasmin and Allison looked in wondering why the A-Team were wearing their usual outfits again. Sure, they had had time to change, but they had been wearing fatigues to yesterday's meeting. The agents looked at each other. Tasmin made a gesture of scribbling. Allison pulled the sheet of paper from her pocket and wrote down 'inconsistency of attire'.
"Major Boscko "BA" Barackus BA stands for bad attitude so don't mess with me suckers."
"Did she have to misspell his name and create a mini?" Allison whispered to Tasmin.
"It's probably in celebration of his new rank," Tasmin whispered back. "That's two more charges." Then her attention was drawn back to the room. "Me likes what me sees. Mmm-mmm. Particularly that Star is a fine specimen."
"Sure. Too bad you're going to have to kill him."
"No, I don't. I just have to take him out of this fic. I could also take him to headquarters with us."
"Tasmin."
"Yeah, yeah, I know. Shoot him. Such a waste of such a perfect body."
Ice walked past them without taking notice. Tasmin and Allison both let out a relieved breath. That could have been awkward. Particularly because they were severely outnumbered against the combined A-Team and G-Team, who were both likely to take the side of the Sue. They looked on as Ice shocked the A-Team yet again.
"Don't worry you'll get to know each other better, you're now one unit not two different teams." glared, "What! We're retired!"
"Oh, come on! Why do these Sues always want to get snug with the A-Team?" Tasmin put her arms out in frustration.
"This one doesn't seem to like it."
"Then she should have written her story differently." Tasmin stomped off. "She should have left out the A-Team. What are they doing in her story anyway? They're all just standing around looking at her."
"Lighten up, Tasmin. You should read every Sue story as if it were a parody. They can be quite amusing." Allison had to jog to keep up with Tasmin.
They left the building and sat down on a low wall. Allison offered Tasmin a drink from her duffel bag to wash away the rant. The G-Team came out and stood at ease waiting for their CO. A moment later the Sue came and ordered her men to run around the compound. Not long after the A-Team followed. They all stood around watching the G-Team. Allison pulled her Character Analysis Device from her pocket and pointed it at Face.
"Error 404, character not found. Great, this thing is already broken, and I only just got it."
"Error 404 means there is not enough data to determine who the character is," Tasmin explained. "I'm not surprised. I think so far Face has only said 'aww not the obstacle course'. Anyone could have said that."
"Agent Lucy said it last week."
"Exactly. This just proves my point that there is no need for the A-Team to be in this story. She also could have had a group of Sue hunters."
"I doubt a group of Sue hunters would have stood by quite as idle." Allison pointed the Character Analysis Device at the other team members, but only Hannibal and BA were recognized by the device.
"BA is usually easy to write," Tasmin explained. "Most writers just make him grumpy and say fool a lot."
"That pretty much sums him up, doesn't it?"
"I'm sure there is more depth to his character, but these are not the kind of fics where we're likely to find it." Tasmin turned her gaze at Ice who was talking to a man looking rather beaten up. "Who's that?"
"Some general named Jay. Don't know whether that is a last name or a first name. I think he trained her." Allison glanced over the Words.
"Do we know why he is in a sling?"
"No, doesn't say. Maybe she wants to keep us as clueless as the A-Team." Allison nodded over to the guys who hadn't changed position since they had first entered the yard. They reminded Allison of wax statues.
"I hate it when authors do that. It makes it so much harder to get sympathy for their characters. A good backstory can do a lot for a character."
"A backstory can also reveal a lot of Mary Sueness and saves us the hassle of going into the fic."
"Then it's not a good backstory." Tasmin claimed. "I'm not a complete cynic. I'm not totally against original characters. I'm not even totally against original characters that become love interests for the canon characters. There's just one thing I want: I want the original characters to be original, not some cheap knock off of a thousand original characters before them. Every Sue could in potential have been an original character worth noting."
"Even that one?"
"Sure. She should have been given her own fic and a lot more description and backstory than we've got now. We're in the fifth chapter and we still have absolutely no idea what makes her tick."
Allison nodded. Tasmin surprised her with this revelation. She pocketed the Character Analysis Device and searched through Tasmin's duffel bag for another bottle of water.
"Look who we have here." Tasmin pointed in the direction of Ice.
"Is that Decker? I thought he was stationed on the other side of the country."
"Everybody gets a few days off."
He smiled and before she could react he had her in his arms and whispered something in her ear and she smirked, "Bring it old man."
"Eeew," Tasmin and Allison said in unison, looked at each other and chuckled.
"Not that I'm against Decker having a love interest," Allison said. "But of all the people we got to know through the A-Team, he's the only one I could imagine having a wife and kids and being married to the same woman for the rest of his life."
"Same here," Tasmin confessed.
She foot-sweeped him then back flipped and reached behind her and had her gun pointed at him before he could reach his weapon, "I win."
Allison applauded enthusiastically until Tasmin smacked her in the back of the head.
"What?" Allison asked rubbing the sore spot. "In the circus you also applaud the acrobats."
"Yes, but this one isn't in the circus. Write her up. We're starting to draw attention."
Allison reached into her pocket and saw Face glance over to them. "Hmmph, he doesn't even know who he is. I doubt he is going to bother with us."
"Better safe than sorry."
"Hmm. Are we about done with this fic? I'm starting to get bored."
"I thought you said a Sue fic should be read as a parody, and that they're enjoyable that way."
"Sure, but if you're not going to let me laugh then there's not much point in thinking things funny."
Tasmin glanced the Words. "I think we can fast forward to where the Teams get their mission. What happens in between is more of the same. The Sue showing how strong she is and the A-Team being impressed."
-oOo-
The soldier at the desk recognized them immediately.
"Again here to see the general?" he asked.
"Yes, we just never managed to get a word before."
"The general is a busy man. He's not easy to get a hold of. You just wait there, and I see what I can do."
Tasmin and Allison sat down in the seating area. The door to the conference room was closed so they had to go by the words to find out what happened in there.
The A-team didn't want to return to the 'rock pile' they had already exercised all the ghosts but weren't sure if they could handle facing them all over again.
"I bet that wasn't physical exercise," Tasmin whispered. "Ghost don't have corporal form."
"I'll write her up."
"Didn't you already have her for spelling?"
Allison glanced her charges list. "Yep, it's already on here. No point in charging her twice for the same crime."
The door to the conference room opened and Tasmin and Allison quickly ducked behind a couple of magazines. The A-Team and G-Team left the conference room to get ready for their mission. They were slumping a little as they walked past the two agents.
"General." The soldier stood next to his desk. "There are two women here to see you."
"What do they want?" Malachai looked over to them.
"I forgot to ask."
"Send them in. I'll ask myself." Malachai turned on his heels and walked back into the conference room.
"Ladies, you can go in."
"Thanks very much." Tasmin winked at the soldier.
"Ladies, you wanted to see me?"
Allison closed the door behind her after both agents had walked into the conference room. Tasmin reached into the duffel bag.
"Yes, we wanted to talk to you about the G-Team and more particularly about Ice."
Malachai startled. "What do you know about the G-Team?"
"We know they are utterly inappropriate." Tasmin pointed her Beretta with silencer screwed on at the general.
"What is that? What are you doing in here?"
"We've come to clean up the mess." Tasmin shot Malachai between the eyes. He went down, fell over a chair and crashed to the ground with it, causing a bit of a racket. "Quick, the portal."
Allison grabbed the remote activator from the bag and opened a portal. She jumped through just as the soldier opened the door to the conference room to see what the noise had been about.
"Stay back!" Tasmin shouted. "Or I am going to have to shoot you too."
The soldier took this in and stayed back. Tasmin stepped through the portal and it closed behind her instantly.
-oOo-
"Where are we?" Allison looked around but couldn't make much sense of the place. There were Words, but none of them were lit up. Usually the Words that described the action happening in front of them shone a little brighter than the others.
"I think we're in between chapters." Tasmin put her gun away in the duffel bag. "I guess over there is the rock pile where the A-Team exorcised their ghosts."
"It looks like Afghanistan, or some other rock desert."
"A little more geographical indication would have been nice. Not everyone knows everything there is possibly to know about the A-Team."
"I thought they met their ghost in more of a jungle setting," Allison said. Around her big trees shot from the ground. "What just happened?"
"The author didn't give enough description. This place can be any place you want it to be. Try it."
"Okay. I think the A-Team met their ghosts in suburbia."
Allison looked around and got a big grin on her face. They were standing in the middle of a street and around them, as far as the eye could see, were identical houses, with a lawn in front and a drive way leading up to a double garage. "Wicked."
Two little kids cycled by on their bicycles. A dog barked in the distance. A small breeze rustled the leaves of the trees. It was a sunny day.
"I think you're overdoing it a little," Tasmin said.
"Just wanted to see how far I could go."
"Very far. Now which one of these houses is a front for a prison camp?"
"That one." Allison pointed to the nearest house.
"Are you sure?"
"It could also be that one. But if I want it to be over there, it's going to be over there, right?"
"You ain't wrong." Tasmin smiled.
They walked over to the house and looked through the little windows in the door. They saw a hallway with prison cells on either side. In one of the cells the A-Team lay. The far door opened and six men were scuttled into the hallway and thrown into the cell opposite of the A-Team.
"Great, more people to add to the hit list," Allison sighed. The hit list was almost as long as the charge list.
Tasmin turned to look at the words. "I don't think you have to. These guards aren't mentioned in any way. Try it. It could be two guards per prisoner, or two prisoners per guard."
Allison chuckled as the number of guards changed from twelve to three.
"Hold on, time rift."
Tasmin and Allison quickly grabbed hold of the door post as the story moved forward several hours in mere seconds.
"What a rush." Allison tried to comb down her hair with her hands.
"I wish authors would at least bother to break for a new paragraph when they do that. This one gave me a nose bleed." Tasmin searched through the duffel bag for some tissues.
"Look," Allison nudged Tasmin. "Our Sue is being brought in."
A guard was leading/dragging a beaten she stood up before the guard could throw her into the cell and wrapped her arms around the guard's neck and kissed him while searching his belt for the keys and got 'em then broke the kiss and was roughly pushed away and thrown into the cell.
"Her many talents do not cease to amaze me," Allison said. "Beaten to a pulp and yet still strong enough to trick the guard into losing his keys. Without him noticing, might I add."
"Write her up for this one. Let's get around the house. Next time she is taken form that prison cell, we're the ones doing the taking."
The two agents moved to the back of the house and entered through the back door. They were in the scullery. Tasmin took her gun and screwed on the silencer. She indicated to Allison to stand on the other side of the door to the prison block. The door opened and Ice and Chang came through.
"Not another step." Tasmin pressed the barrel of the silencer in the back of Chang's neck. Allison quickly closed the door. No one needed to see what was going to happen here.
"What is this? Guards! Guards!" Chang shouted.
"There are no guards," Allison said. The three guards that had been running for them disappeared as suddenly as they had appeared.
"Grab the Sue!" Tasmin ordered. Allison pulled Ice away from Chang.
"What's going on here?" Ice asked. "You're not supposed to come and rescue me."
"We haven't," Tasmin replied. She shot Chang in the back of the neck. He fell to the floor. Tasmin moved him aside with her foot. "Let's go into the living room." She opened the door that previous had led to the prison block, but now led to a nicely furbished living room.
Allison dragged Ice into the living room and sat her down on the recliner. "Have a seat."
"What is this? What's going on? What are you doing in my story?"
"We're PPC agents. Protectors of the Plot Continuum. We're here to charge you with crimes against fanfiction in general and against the A-Team domain in particular." Tasmin sat down on the armrest of the sofa keeping her gun pointed at Ice the whole time. "Allison, if you will charge her."
Allison cleared her throat. "There are over twenty individual charges. So I am just going to summarize a few things. First, Ice, we charge you with disregard for the reader. Use proper lay-out for your fics, take care of punctuation, spelling and grammar. And don't put Author's Notes in the middle of the chapter. They tripped me up; and not in a good way." She gave a surprised looking Ice an evil glare. "Second, we charge you with not knowing the way things are in the military: having a random soldier be insubordinate, and getting out of order in correcting him; also, we charge you with being both a girl and a colonel, of some sort. You're either too young to be a colonel, or too old to be a girl. Third ..."
"Fourth," Tasmin corrected. "You've already made three charges."
Allison threw her a questioning look. "What? Which was the third?"
"About the girl colonel thing."
"That's part of the second charge: not knowing the military way."
"Okay, I'll accept. Third."
"Who are you people?" Ice started again.
"Shut up. If you keep interrupting us this will only take longer. Third."
"Third, we charge you with not using enough description in your story. That's why you're in a living room right now. We were forced to make it up, because you didn't tell us where we were." Allison looked up from the charge sheet and gave Ice a big grin. Ice moved uneasily in her seat. "Fourth, we charge you with not knowing A-Team's rank or how to spell their names. Are you foreign by the way?"
"What's that got to do with anything?" Tasmin asked.
"Maybe abroad the A-Team members had different names."
"Perhaps, but that doesn't mean they would also have different ranks."
"Good point." Allison turned back to Ice, gave her another smile and read on. "Fifth, writing A-Team fanfiction, but not actually doing anything with the A-Team characters. You had them all just stand around impersonating wax statues. We can't charge you with bad characterization, because you didn't characterize any of them."
"That's something," Ice mumbled.
"You get to defend yourself in a moment. Let's see what else is there. Oh, the rest all adds up to being a Mary Sue. We charge you with being way too good to be true, and being Decker's love interest. The punishment for this is death. Tasmin here will now execute you." Allison stepped out of the way and Tasmin got up from her seat.
"Any last words?"
"Huh?"
"At least that's short." Tasmin shot Ice through the head. She fell back in her recliner. "That's that. How many on our hit list?"
"Nine left to shoot. Including your lover Star."
Tasmin growled. She checked her clip. "Let's get to it."
They got out the back door and entered the prison block. Allison pulled out a curtain that obscured the view from one prison cell to the other and Tasmin shot the members of G-Team one by one. She only said sorry to Star.
-oOo-
A/N: I firmly believe that every Mary Sue at the core can be an original character; they just need to be pruned like a pollard willow. And though I'd like to give some constructive gardening advice here, I just can't see what can be done about this Sue. Other than give her a cape and a secret identity that is. There was actually no point for the A-Team to be in Past Meets Future. Take them out, tone down Ice a couple of notches, give her a proper backstory, and dose little bits and piece of it out from the beginning. You now have written some original fiction, that should be posted elsewhere on the web.
Analogous to other fandoms when in A-Team fandom the name of a canon character is misspelled a mini is created. For A-Team I call them mini-deckers. A mini is a miniture version of the offended character.