Mission #22: And Here Are The Things You Must Forget
Occasionally you run into a fic with a title that is very, very fitting. Still, it requires PPC-agents to go in and make sure the canon characters are well enough to be capable of forgetting.
A/N: Protectors of the Plot Continuum was founded by Jay and Acacia. And Here Are The Things You Must Forget was written by The Light of the Shadows.
-oOo-
"Aargh." Steve pulled on his thick blond curls.
Allison who was doing push-ups on the floor looked up. "What's the matter this time?"
"What's with all these authors and them wanting to make MacGyver drink?"
"Well, it is Fan Fiction." Allison seated herself on the floor. "Fiction, you know, made up stuff."
"Aargh," Steve yelled again. "Don't give me that. It's Fan Fiction. And people that make MacGyver drink alcohol voluntarily are obviously not fans. How come people can remember Mac doesn't use guns, but they never seem to get their heads around to the fact that he doesn't drink? For Pete's sake. He took a balloon ride with a woman; she drank champagne to celebrate and he eat strawberries."
"Well," Allison shrugged. "Everyone knows you shouldn't drink and drive."
"It was a balloon ride! Up in the air. Not much other traffic there to collide with."
"I doubt that would have made a difference to Mac." Allison rolled her head around to loosen up the muscles in her neck. "So are we going into this fic?"
"Of course. You'll like it there. Murdoc's Mac's drinking buddy."
"What?"
Before Steve could blink Allison had flown up and thrown herself at the console. Frantically she read the 155 words that made up the fic. "Murdoc and Mac getting drunk. Together. What will come next: Al Gore buying a Hummer?"
"It's shocking, isn't it?"
Allison ignored her partner. "We're going in." She tapped a few keys on the console and a portal opened.
-oOo-
The agents stepped into a room that was of undefined size. There were no doors, other than the portal, no windows, and, actually, there weren't any walls either. In the middle sat MacGyver cross-legged. Murdoc was lying a few feet away from him, propped up on an elbow, lurking from a beer bottle. Empty beer bottles were strewn around them.
"Look, more people." MacGyver pointed in the general direction of the two agents.
Murdoc looked around. "Welcome, friends, Romans."
Both MacGyver and Murdoc thought this comment very funny and started to laugh.
"Great," Steve sighed. "These guys are so far out of character they can see us."
"Join us for a drink, why don't you?" Murdoc called.
"I don't drink while I'm on the job," Allison replied.
"A-ha. And what is your job?"
"I'm an assassin."
"So am I." Murdoc put a hand to his chest. He seemed to have forgotten this was the hand that held him propped up and consequently he fell over. He pushed himself up again. "Maybe we can swap war stories later."
"Maybe. First we've got to get you sobered up."
"Hey," MacGyver said. "How come all you assassins are British?"
"We're not," Steve replied. "I'm not. And I think the two of them just talk in funny accents to throw you off track."
This remark gave Murdoc a laughing fit. He fell to the floor and spilled beer over his jacket. Steve and Allison looked at each other.
"I think we need to give them strong, black coffee intravenously," Steve said.
"You don't know much about alcohol, do you? Alcohol dehydrates the brain and so does coffee. Coffee is a good idea if you want to give them a hangover they will remember for a while."
"I guess we should give them water then."
"Water, vitamin B6, and something to eat."
MacGyver and Murdoc frowned as suddenly a plate of food appeared in between them.
"Dig in," Allison said. "It's all vegetarian."
MacGyver gave her a suspicious look. "That's what he said to me once. I'm not going to fall for the same trick twice."
"Good point." Steve nodded. "Dig in or we're going to strap you to a chair and force feed you."
MacGyver and Murdoc exchanged looks again. "Well," Murdoc said. "I have to admit I am a little peckish." He took a slice of pizza off the plate and started eating.
MacGyver watched him eat and did not take a slice himself until Murdoc had finished his and was licking off his fingers without having fallen ill or dead.
"And drink your water."
"I much rather wash the pizza away with some beer."
"Water!"
Allison started gathering up the beer bottles. She gave the bottles a disgusted look: bottled piss with a little ethanol mixed in. Mac wasn't even given the opportunity to get drunk on something that actually was drinkable. "And why were you drinking?" she fired her question at Mac. "Did he hold a gun to your head?"
"Uh." Mac swallowed and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "I don't know. Don't remember."
"Memory loss?" Allison asked Steve.
"Could be alcohol induced, or simply because that part of the story that explains why on Earth Mac would be drinking in the first place was never written."
Murdoc and MacGyver ate their pizza and drank their water while the two agents stood looking over them. They swallowed the vitamin B tablets Allison gave them and after a while they seemed to sober up.
"Who is he?" Steve asked Murdoc pointing at MacGyver.
"My arch nemesis."
"Same question for you." Steve looked at MacGyver.
"Same answer for you," Mac replied.
"And do the two of you socialize?" Allison asked.
"Of course not, I can't trust him."
Murdoc half shrugged. "That's fair enough. I do want to kill him."
"Right, now everyone is back to normal." Steve glanced over at Murdoc. "Or to their old selves again at least. It's time to part. You go that way." He pointed to his right for Mac. "And you go that way."
Murdoc looked over his shoulder. "There's nothing there."
"What would you like there to be there?"
"Florida." Murdoc said after a moment's thought.
"The State? It's there. Take ten steps and you're at Disney World."
Mac chuckled. Murdoc glared at him. Mac quickly straightened out his face.
"Guess Minnesota is just ten steps that way?" He pointed his thumb over his shoulder.
"If you want it to be, it's there," Allison said.
MacGyver and Murdoc both got up. Eying each other they slowly backed away in opposite directions. Murdoc was the first to turn around and run away. MacGyver and the two agents watched him go.
"Minnesota that-a way, ha?"
"Yep." Both agents nodded.
"I think this is very strange."
"Just let that be a lesson to you that you shouldn't drink," Steve said.
"Lesson taken." Mac turned around and ran into the woods.
Steve fumbled for the remote activator to open a portal for the agents to return to their office.
-oOo-
A/N: And let that be a lesson to all of you.
I agree that Mac and Murdoc are a lot a like in some ways, and that had they met under different circumstances they could even have been friends. I don't agree that Mac would drink alcohol, unless in a story that is noticeably designated as AU.