*^_<; = confusion
not really sure what to think right now.
Last night Noah and i had our "date" which consisted of watching a shitty anime (srsly...shit shit shit.)
Then he said he didn't want me to sleep on the couch again, so i shared a bed with him.. *sigh*
its hard to be so madly in love with someone, have them in love with you, and yet... can't be together. Its not fair. I mean.. its good Noah's dating someone. I would probably be also if i wasn't leaving for the airforce... wait no, i take that back. WE would be together if i wasn't going.
the only fucking annoying thing he says is "oh, i'm only dating Gabby so you don't want to stay here with me"
BULLSHIT. I never had second thoughts. bastard.
*sigh* but i love that bastard. And i love hearing him tell me that he loves me, because i feel less bad about the whole situation. I guess it goes back to rationalization..
"oh, its okay that we have sex, i love him".
but a bit more serious than that.
"its OK if i help Noah cheat on his girlfriend, we love each other and are going to be together when i get home." WTF??!!
i don't feel as guilty as i thought i would. I don't know Gabby at all... only seen her twice. And the sad thing is that Noah doesn't feel that guilty either. (<-- very sad.) Being together just... seems right. And the things he says... they aren't full of fluff, either. Stuff like "I hope your family learns to love me"... well, Grammy likes him. And i want him to come to my final oath, and my basic training Graduation, also.
He's going to be apart of me for the rest of my life.. even if we never talk to each other after the Airforce.
fuck me for loving such an adorable and stupidly awesome guy. molly summed it up pretty well by saying "If Noah was half the boyfriend he was a writer, he'd be quite a catch". And its true. Noah is so talented... i really hope he writes me something before i leave. I want something to read over and over again on the plane. I want to commit it to memory.
stupid work calling me in early... *sigh* i guess I'm all done ranting. I think i'll leave Noah a myspace message telling him how wonderful he is. yeah, that sounds good.
Last night Noah and i had our "date" which consisted of watching a shitty anime (srsly...shit shit shit.)
Then he said he didn't want me to sleep on the couch again, so i shared a bed with him.. *sigh*
its hard to be so madly in love with someone, have them in love with you, and yet... can't be together. Its not fair. I mean.. its good Noah's dating someone. I would probably be also if i wasn't leaving for the airforce... wait no, i take that back. WE would be together if i wasn't going.
the only fucking annoying thing he says is "oh, i'm only dating Gabby so you don't want to stay here with me"
BULLSHIT. I never had second thoughts. bastard.
*sigh* but i love that bastard. And i love hearing him tell me that he loves me, because i feel less bad about the whole situation. I guess it goes back to rationalization..
"oh, its okay that we have sex, i love him".
but a bit more serious than that.
"its OK if i help Noah cheat on his girlfriend, we love each other and are going to be together when i get home." WTF??!!
i don't feel as guilty as i thought i would. I don't know Gabby at all... only seen her twice. And the sad thing is that Noah doesn't feel that guilty either. (<-- very sad.) Being together just... seems right. And the things he says... they aren't full of fluff, either. Stuff like "I hope your family learns to love me"... well, Grammy likes him. And i want him to come to my final oath, and my basic training Graduation, also.
He's going to be apart of me for the rest of my life.. even if we never talk to each other after the Airforce.
fuck me for loving such an adorable and stupidly awesome guy. molly summed it up pretty well by saying "If Noah was half the boyfriend he was a writer, he'd be quite a catch". And its true. Noah is so talented... i really hope he writes me something before i leave. I want something to read over and over again on the plane. I want to commit it to memory.
stupid work calling me in early... *sigh* i guess I'm all done ranting. I think i'll leave Noah a myspace message telling him how wonderful he is. yeah, that sounds good.