Am I supposed to understand myself?
I don't.
Not in any way.
The more I learn about myself, the more I hate me.
& right now, I just want to rip myself into the tiniest pieces possible.

Fuck journals.

This feeling sucks ( Read more... )

Bleh.
I need to dooo somethinggg.
Grr.
I'm so sick of picking up the phone to call someone I haven't seen since school & then chickening out.
Blehhhhh.

The campout isn't coming fast enough.

But on the plus side Sam Brown finally updated Explodingdog.

& I saw brittanybailey yesterday =]

The temptation is there.
I feel it clawing at it's cage.
But it's indestructable in every way possible.
Right?
Right.
& that's it.
There's nothing else to it.
It's in there.
For always.
Okay?
Okay.

Pens & pencils are overrated.

So I fucked up again ( Read more... )

So there's this song by Cobra Starship called Snakes On A Plane ((Bring It)) annnnnd tis pretty freaking awesome. So listen to it ( Read more... )

I'm so sick of being stuck in this rut of addiction & memories & wishes & no social life.
I got over it once..so why do I keep failing now?
When I'm with her, it all goes away..but I can't always be with her.
& I'm really surprised I haven't fucked things up yet.

Random update ( Read more... )

It's hard to spend time with her & see her as she is now.
It's hard to not see her through the memories.
Things have changed.
In good ways & bad.
But yesterday at York Beach, I could feel myself crumbling.
Finally.
We got along perfectly all day.
A first.
& I must say,

I'm looking forward to more moments like those.

I have a temperature of 102.3 =(