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[indigae]

i'm going nowhere. it's a shame, i guess

Comments

[zaks707]

here's the thing...most people don't know what they want or even need to do, but usually just pick some arbitrary thing and run with it because it makes life easier. then there's the other group of people that won't settle for less than what they want. problem with that being that the people that won't settle are usually the ones that don't know where they're going. i can sit here and tell you that at some point you have to make a choice, but that's really not true, and i don't believe that that's necessarily good advice. in fact, i'm doing the exact opposite of that right now in my life. i'm attempting to stall so i can figure things out. i mean, i'm taking the fall semester to go to Tokyo and study things that will never be relevant to anything that i major in. why am i doing this? because i can't stand sitting around and not knowing what i want, so i might as well have some fun while i'm doing it. thing is, most people don't know where they're going or at least don't know why they're going there, sometimes both, but it

[indigae]

thanks, man. i've never felt bold enough to take a step onto the other side of the world like you're doing, but i see your point. upon further rumination, though, i've found that i probably just need to finish something... anything at all. "mike taylor encounters 'horatic bird'," even... and then i'll feel like i'm getting somewhere. but it's good to keep in mind that there are folks like you as well, who are in a similar situation ambiguous-future-wise, but handling it more constructively. it gives me a reasonable model to work from. so thanks again.

and way to quote "morality leach." ;-D

[lisaquarius]

Bill, I'm so sorry I haven't been really present to a lot of people lately, you included. I'm especially sorry because I'm often the person that chastises others and gripes about other people doing it to me. And while I've put in some minimal effort to check up on how you were doing, it certainly wasn't as much as I would've liked. If you wanna talk about this or anything else, or just want to hang out let me know. I'm probably not able to do much until mid-May, but I can always make time for a phonecall if you need to bitch and don't feel like typing it all out.

This isn't just one of those benign offers because I feel obligated to based on the nature of this entry. I mean it. Besides, I don't think I've actually hung out with you in about a year, so it's about damn time.

[indigae]

don't worry, lisa. i'm sorry as well and you don't need to be, because at least you're seeing me wherever you're seeing me and taking the time to get my attention, you know? i'm all... totally closed off from the outside world when i'm in public places these days, so it's necessary to get me out of that state in order to exchange any sort of information with me. also, you've got much less time than me, so... it's beyond understandable that you haven't been calling me and sending me detailed memos on croatian letterhead and stuff. once we're both done with this semester i'm sure it'll be a lot easier to hang out. so we should and will... because it is about damn time!

[brittney_donna]

dear, you're going to do fine. you're very smart, very talented and very wonderful. you're nobody's problem but convincing yourself you are is just going to hurt you. you're not hurting anyone else; we're all blessed to have you in our lives. i'm always here for you to complain to, cry to, whatever. you know that. i love you very much and even if you don't have faith in yourself, i DO. you're a unique and amazing person; that's the type of person who goes far.

you're going do to fine, bill. as much as you worry you're still young. you're not a loser. and i love you.

[indigae]

thanks, love. even if i'm not anybody's problem, though... i think convincing myself of that is at least an incentive to get better and do more to be less of a burden. if i am hurting other people, then i feel guilty... and if i feel guilty, then i'm going to do what i can in order to cancel those feelings out. i complain to you a [i]lot,[/i] lately... i'm thankful that you're there, and i'm sorry that i put that on you.

thank you for having faith in me, and thank you for the warmth of your words. :-) i love you, too.

[branchness]

That makes two of us, man.

[indigae]

you seem to have several possible futures though, allisa. plus, if you were me, then... i wouldn't find your journal entries so entertaining. i mean, you've been accepted to berklee, and had the presence of mind to do something you'd rather do, instead of just following the blazing lights of glory that that school has attached to its name. plus lots of other stuff. so... ha!

[nuclear_winter_]

see William, ive had the same problem most of my life...i never really had the desire to try hard or had any ambitions. But for us procrastinators you kind of just have to suck it up and just work your ass off. it's hard...i know it is...but you've got it in you. It takes a lot of time to figure out what it is that you want out of life. It comes easy for some people but for some people it takes a bit of soul searching. Don't worry man, but for now just hit the books, work your ass off...and someday, it'll all work out. I know it will for you, you definitly have the talent and the brains. :)