i am not cool enough for a travel blog...
[Friends friends friends]
I had a lot of fun, but I will be extremely happy to be home. The only things I’m seriously going to miss are the people I met here. Being forced together in a country whose language none of us spoke very well before arriving and whose customs are often incomprehensible to foreigners does wonders for friendships. That, and the fact that our commute back to our dorm was over an hour, which led to a lot of time for pouring our hearts out. I can’t think of anyone else who would go from giving me detailed fashion advice to arguing about Noam Chomsky’s theory of universal grammar in a heartbeat quite as well. I promised to visit a lot of them (the closer ones, anyway), but I worry that it won’t be the same. I hope I’m wrong.
[Things America does better]
-Television shows: In six weeks in Japan I only truly enjoyed watching one episode of television, and it was a CSI ripoff (which made me start referring to it as CSI: Tokyo) right down to the character sketches and dramatic one-liners. The plot went something like this: two call girls are found murdered with messy lipstick. A snarky television host seems to know too much about the case. The Asshole Detective and the Eye Candy go to search Shinjuku-koen for hobos with a lipstick fetish, while the Old Sarcastic Guy and the Naïve Rookie trace the spurned laundromat worker who had a thing for one of the girls. Turns out the second guy did it and murdered the lipstick hobo to cover his tracks. And then an Arashi song played over the credits. Yeah.
(Most television in Japan seems to be a) celebrity talk shows, b) Jackie Chan movies, c) shopping networks selling curtains and decorative pots, or d) celebrity talk shows. Then there’s the occasional dorama where the twist is that they all have cancer and Pretty Boy #24 turns out to be someone’s missing brother.)
-Pizza, candy, cheese: I must have spent 20 dollars on Kraft cheese alone. Sarah and I were both going through cheese withdrawals like nobody’s business. I mean, yeah, you can get “variety bread” with cheese on it, but if it isn’t made with a pound and a half of grease, surprise! red bean paste. I also can’t eat Haichu anymore. I know, sacrilege.
-Print advertisements: After a month in Japan I read a Vogue and wanted to buy literally everything inside. You don’t realize how used to American sex appeal you are until it goes away. Maybe it’s just me…
-Trash cans: This has been ranted about by gaijin for centuries, but Japan has no public trash cans, even though everything is wrapped in three extra layers of plastic. Konbini (convenience stores) usually have trash cans (separated into burnable, non-burnable, and bottles / cans) out front, and everyone either stuffs everything in there or carries it around with them for hours and hours. But if you buy anything from a street stand, good luck trying to get rid of it.
-Bathrooms: Last time I was in Japan I never once had to use a non-Western (squat) toilet. This time I wasn’t so lucky. I will never understand why anyone, anywhere, would prefer using one of those things. When you do find a Western toilet, the seat is usually heated. Freaked me out the first time, for sure.
-Internet: I’m pretty sure Iraq or freakin’ Siberia has more widespread wifi than Japan does. For someone used to a campus where fast wifi is in literally every building, this is torture. Everyone here emails from their phones, so they don’t need wifi, and if they do, they buy it from one of the subscription companies. I found slow, unreliable wifi around the Hachiko statue in Shibuya, and of course in the Apple store in Ginza. Other than that, my only option was sketchy internet cafes that cater to businessmen needing a little “private browsing time”. No thanks.
-Dressing appropriately for the weather: I did not know this before coming here, but apparently exposing the slightest bit of cleavage in Japan is tantamount to standing on a street corner and beckoning to passersby. Leather miniskirts and fishnets are totally acceptable - as long as those shirt buttons go all the way up to the collarbone. Hence, the majority of women in Tokyo wear sweaters, even though the temperatures hovered around 90-95 degrees Fahrenheit the entire time.
[Things Japan does better]
-Sunsets: I don’t know what it is. Maybe the relative lack of pollution? But anyway, the summer sunsets in Tokyo are fucking beautiful, every single night. And my dorm balcony faced the right direction, so I got to see them in all their glory. One day I looked to my left and saw some sarariman watching the sunset on his balcony. He waved. I waved back. :)
-Snow cones, waffles, fish: Waffle ice cream sandwiches. There are no words in either language that can properly describe their deliciousness. Gah.
-Commercials: All television commercials have “ii kimochi”, which basically means that they will resort to any means to make you think that whatever they’re selling is the best thing ever. You say that’s just apple juice? Well, we say that it’ll make fifty dancing girls and a kangaroo pop out of the ground and build a spaceship to take you to the fucking moon. And you’re gonna love it.
-Public transport: The trains are so ridiculously convenient. And always, always on time. One time a train was nine minutes late and I thought it was a signal of the hastening apocalypse. There are only two bad things about them: the fact that they stop running at 12:30, meaning that you either have to be home before then or stay out all night, and chikan (train perverts). Which I did encounter. And it sucked.
-Convenience stores: Actually convenient. By which I mean, located everywhere and containing actual food instead of just candy, chips, soda, and alcohol like American gas stations. Dollar stores sell everything: umbrellas, clothing, school supplies, food, and everything is actually a dollar. Well, hyaku en, but you get the point. The one closest to our school had curry that they would microwave for you for free!
-Policemen: Helpful! And super nice, even to gaijin, and perfectly willing to direct you anywhere you might want to go, at any time of night. And policewomen wear adorable hats that are different from the regular uniform hat.
-Fireworks: In Japan, summer is fireworks season, so they have hanabi no matsuri (fireworks festivals) like once a week, if not more often. Most people get all dressed up in pretty yukata beforehand, and gather in enormous groups, and have a giant party out on the grass. Also, Japanese fireworks seem more creative and artistic than American ones, which are more about boom and bang and being impressive.
[Places I went in Japan (mostly Tokyo), and my opinion of them in 10 words or less]
-Shinjuku: School was here. Crazy crowded, but so much fun. Tokkyu!
-Kasairinkai-koen: My dorm was near Disneyland. Rough neighborhood, but great supermarket.
-Shibuya: Like Shinjuku but more nuts. All the clubs were here.
-Akihabara: Great before dark. After: otaku, arcades, adult shops, and bars.
-Ginza: Everyone dresses so classy. Fancy stores. I’m out of place.
-Asakusa: All the tourist stuff, pretty cheap though. Gorgeous temple / gate.
-Yokohama: Really pretty city, from what I saw. Sasuke filmed here!
-Roppongi: The definition of sketch. Bad idea to have gone alone.
-Aizu: Beautiful northern countryside. Shrines, mountains, and endless fields of rice.
-Harajuku: Ridiculously crowded, fewer catgirls than expected.
-Minami-senju: Some friends lived here - I was jealous. Amazing skyline view.
[Things I am bringing back]
-You know that toy Tony Stark has on his desk in Iron Man II? The metal balance thing that keeps going forever unless you stop it? I got something like that for my dad because I couldn’t stop staring at it in the toy store.
-Chocolate and a koi print for my mother. I may steal the latter for my dorm room.
-A daruma and “Crunky” brand candy for Johnny.
-A shuriken and kunai to add to my growing lethal weapons collection.
-A bunch of tiny Pokemon. They sell them in the konbini and I can’t stop buying them.
-Random action figures I picked up in Akihabara
-A Japanese soccer jersey (as a trophy really, since I don’t want to wear it) and newfound love for Eiji Kawashima
-An Engrish shirt that doesn’t fit very well. I don’t know where Japanese people find such awesome ones because I sure found cheap Engrish impossible to get.
-Increased self-assurance, motivation, and enough knowledge to fill most of the holes in my past Japanese education
Now it’s time for me to go study for my final exam. Ew. And in two weeks, real school starts. Not quite sure how I feel about that yet.