[yunho/jaejoong] your biggest crime is your gender
gender isn't a part of my identity; it doesn't define me in depth...
yunho will have beautiful children. you look at him, observe the lines of his face (you close your eyes and think of egyptian monuments, gods and mortal kings alike carved onto stone with perfect symmetry) and imagine his children, vivacious and loving and beautiful.
your biggest crime in loving him was not being born female. you're male, all too much of it; you fight when you're backed into the corner, you jerk yourself off in the hot spray of the showers and you like dominating, want to feel yunho tight around you and silken muscles to the touch. you know he likes you like that - powerful, sometimes subtly so, able to give as much as you get, and all hard-bodied man.
but yunho is beautiful, and so kind, and so responsible. he deserves children. beautiful children, ones that will clamber into his bed in the mornings and cry out "daddy, daddy!" while blessing his cheeks with kisses like brown sugar - sticky with remnents of breakfast and sweet and chaste. the world needs more people like him, and yunho would raise them well, from birth to the moment they turn, like sunflowers searching for sun, away from home. he'd do things like wake up in the middle of the night to tend to them as they scream and keep vigil by their cradles long after the last cry tears the air into two; do things like take time out of his frenetic schedule to drive them to and from school, attend each and every one of the parent/teacher meetings, dazzling the female teachers with his smile and charismatic allure (he'd ink it into his agenda, let his kids highlight it with lopsided flowers and uneven smiles); do things like inspire his children to step into the world as leaders of today, not of tomorrow, and he would probably smile, so proud, as they appear on newspaper headlines as heroes (youngwoong, that's your name, your job; but you're too old and too broken by love to live up to that title anymore. yunho's children would do so much better, you know).
and no matter how much your heart aches inside, you understand enough to accept reality, and reality is the life you've already imagined him through, the children you've dreamed up for him; reality is nothing like the way he looks at you now, the way his answers on interviews for his ideal woman change as you change, his words winding sinuously around you as possibility.
reality is something you will never be able to give him.
you try not to think about the fact that if only you were female, a little softer, a little curvier, you could be his reality. you like being male; it's what makes you the you yunho is in love with.
...yet society insists that it is; why do they tear us apart before we've even had a chance to try?