(Untitled)

[indras_net]

i am still a little bewildered that my father passed away just a few days ago, the day i wanted to speak to him so very badly. this door that i was trying to collect the strength to approach is now gone. speaking with my cousin, i learned that the last few years of my father's life were very rough. he was paranoid and had even been living on

Comments

[neph13]

this is an interesting post. First off, i would like to send my apologies for your loss....loosing a family member, close or not, is never a pleasant thing. Second, I have often wondered what my reaction would/will be when my father passes. I have not spoken to him in 11 years, by my choice, and I have played my reaction over and over in my head on how I will feel and what I will do. I still cannot honestly say what will happen due to my feelings are always changing, and I may end up regretting the loss of contact once it is over. I have often kept the belief that parenthood is a privilege, not a right, and you have to earn the title "father" in more ways than just the biological donation. My connection with him was never gold and I do not feel the desire to fulfill this connection either. I don't know, its hard to explain, and I may never fully understand it, but I will just keep on looking forward, regretting nothing unless I feel the need to. But then again, why regret anything in life?
I hope you are well...take care of yourself.

[mally_cat]

breathe baby. i am sorry, i know you wanted to reconcile that relationship. sometimes you don't have to understand your emotions, you just have to experience them. this is an intense loss even if you don't 'rationally' understand it.

i know expressing pain as its happening is new territory for you and i am proud of you. (miss "i don't mind talking about my problems...once i've solved them"). you are loved.

you are entitled

[calicokitten]

to your emotions no matter what they are. there is no right way to respond to losing someone. try not to have preconceived ideas about what you should or shouldn't feel, they will only add judgment into an already difficult emotional landscape.

know that you are loved and please take good care.

love,

j