Baby, You Make Me Fall in Reverse [2/2]
Jinki looks back and forth between Jonghyun and Kibum, his gaze unsure and hands clutching his chopsticks almost protectively.
“You’re real.” Is the first thing Jinki says to Jonghyun. Jonghyun blinks, and then turns to look at Kibum, who was currently hiding his snicker behind his hand.
“I guess your friends are just as weird as you, huh?” Jonghyun says, smiling crookedly. Jinki lets out an indignant gasp, waving his fork in the air.
“How dare you!” Jinki says, trying to scowl. “It’s just, Kibum likes cats. He doesn’t like people. It’s weird how you’re re- ow ow ow ow!” Jinki gasps, grabbing his sides in pain. Kibum innocently looks away, rubbing his elbow carefully. Jinki had more muscles than he had thought. “I mean, the almighty Kibum has tons of friends. Obviously.”
“Oh-kay.” Jonghyun sidles in the seat opposite of Jinki, and he takes Jinki’s cookie, munching on it happily. “You’re Jinki, aren’t you?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I am.” Jinki blinks, and then smiles, the epitome of brightness. “You’re in my History class!” He suddenly says, as though he had just realized. Jonghyun chuckles, and begins talking, Jinki leaning in and looking interested.
They hit it off a lot better than Kibum had previously assumed. Kibum listens to their conversations, not getting inside jokes between the senior classes and feeling rather left-out. He vaguely cradles a thought of creating a voodoo doll of Jinki and stabbing needles into it. All he needed was a lock of hair...
“-bum. Kibum!” Kibum blinks and nearly shrieks as he notices Jonghyun was a few centimetres too close to his presence, his hand casually placed on Kibum’s thigh. Kibum mentally takes away a point from Jonghyun’s heterosexual scale. “I’m leaving now, okay? I have to talk to Minho about soccer. I’ll see you later?”
“I. Okay. See you.” He watches as Jonghyun leaves, the pressure on his thigh gone. It had felt comfortable, somewhat. Well, it was also bordering on pretty-fucking-creepy, the fact that Jonghyun liked to have contact with Kibum more often than not, but he didn’t mind. Why would he mind?
Jinki stares at him with a wry grin on his face, his smile stupidly large.
“What?” Kibum hisses, kicking his leg underneath the table. “I don’t like that look on your face. Get rid of it.” The smile stubbornly stays put. Kibum finds himself slowly sinking in his chair, wanting to disappear before Jinki said anything.
“He touches you far too often.” Jinki says plainly, calmly chewing his piece of gum. “He’s either really into you or is just sexually deprived.”
Kibum groans, wishing for Jinki to shut up about scientific terms and just go and die already.
✐
Kibum’s not sure why, but he finds himself inviting Jonghyun over to his house, where his parents aren’t there, and it’s just him and Jonghyun.
And Tae. But Tae didn’t really count.
Except Tae was winding between Jonghyun’s legs, mewling adorably and batting his paw the way he always did when he wanted extra food. Jonghyun leans down and picks him up, cradling him in his arms. Kibum wasn’t sure whether it was alright to feel envious of a cat, but as he watched Tae purring and Jonghyun looking delighted, he wanted to just throw the damn cat out the window.
“Your cat’s cute.” Jonghyun remarks, setting Tae back down. As though he understood, Tae swishes his tail with approval, pattering away while popping his little kitty limbs. Jonghyun’s mouth falls down in shock, watching as Tae continues on popping and locking his limbs. “What the... what did I just see?”
“Tae watches MV’s far too often.” Kibum says dismissively, throwing his bag onto a chair. “Wait, I’ll go make the popcorn. Make yourself comfortable.” Jonghyun just resumes standing there, since Tae kept on circling around his legs, as though trying to mark that this house was his territory.
“Your cat’s guarding me.” Jonghyun says, his gaze fixated onto Tae with curiosity. “What should I do?”
“Tae! I have steak!” Kibum calls out, and Tae whips his head over, scampering over there and scratching Kibum’s silver jeans. Kibum yelps and bats Tae away, examining the damage done to his pants. “I have to cut off your nails.” Kibum threatens, but Tae merely blinks, tilting his head to the side.
“He’s just a cat, Kibum. I don’t think he understands.” Jonghyun throws himself onto the couch as though he’s been here for years, snuggling and settling down into a pillow. It was rather endearing, the way the older boy was spread out all over the blankets, but Kibum needed space to sit. Kibum shoves his feet off the couch, earning an indignant ‘hey!’ which he ignores, and pulls out a film from under the couch.
“We’re going to watch this, and dinner is popcorn.” Kibum orders. Surprisingly, Jonghyun doesn’t argue like what Jinki always does and merely grabs the DVD cover, staring at it for a long time.
“This film was produced in 1882.” Jonghyun says at last, raising an eyebrow. “And... it’s in French. I don’t know about you, but I can barely understand English. And I take that course in school.”
“You don’t have to understand a language to appreciate it.” Kibum says defensively, yanking the DVD out of Jonghyun’s hands. He carefully slid the DVD out and placed it into the drive, listening as the disc whirred around. The TV sprang into life, and Kibum hurriedly ran to the microwave, opening the cover and letting the scent of freshly-made popcorn waft throughout the house. Jonghyun let out an appreciative sigh. All of a sudden the movie starts playing, making Kibum whip his head over and tell Jonghyun to shush.
It was a movie Kibum had seen a million times, but the novelty of it always makes Kibum wide-eyed and alert, eager for the next word. Something about swooning French heroines and the black-and-white vintage feel to the film always made Kibum’s stomach curl delightfully, the smoothly-uttered words swimming inside his head. It was about halfway through the movie while she muttered ‘Pourquoi je suis toute seule?’ that he realized Jonghyun wasn’t really watching the movie and that he was just staring at Kibum.
“You creep.” Kibum says, his mouth filled with popcorn. “Why are you just looking at me?” Jonghyun merely smiles, which is kind of weird, but the fact that Jonghyun looked kind of cute with his mussed-up hair and handful of popcorn in his hands made up for it.
“You look like a chipmunk.” Kibum felt slightly insulted, dry-swallowing the popcorn down his throat and mentally telling himself to push the popcorn bowl away. Jonghyun turns to focus back onto the film, listening to it carefully. “I like the background music. It’s got a nice chord composition.”
Kibum didn’t know what to say- the fact that even though Jonghyun obviously didn’t give two shits about French films, he still attempted to watch and listen and even comment, as though he liked it.
“Um. Do you want to check out my drawings?” Kibum asks, eyes still intently staring at the film as the main character- Aurelie, his mind helpfully supplied for him- shrieking when she saw the guy that she liked come over to her place with a carriage and two black horses.
“Really?” Jonghyun leapt up from the couch, looking excited and accidentally knocking over the popcorn bowl. “Fuck, fuck, fuck! Butter’s hot!” Jonghyun hisses, fanning at his legs to cool the oil that was coating on his jeans. Kibum doesn’t bother to help and merely laughs, looking highly amused and ignoring the mess of popcorn scattered on the rugs. His parents were going to kill him, but he only half-registers the thought and was more interested in seeing Jonghyun dance around crazily.
He stops laughing after Jonghyun began to unbutton his jeans.
“What the- what the fuck, Jjong!” Kibum screams, slapping him on his arm. Jonghyun yelps, rubbing the reddening skin and wincing at the pain. “No! Do-not-strip!”
“I have butter on my legs! It hurts!” Jonghyun complains, but he ceases taking off his pants- thank god, Kibum thinks- and rolls up his jeans instead. “Jesus, it’s not like there’s any girls here...”
“Oh, shut up.” Kibum says. “I’m not really into seeing you in boxers. Keep your pants on.” Except he kind of wants to see, but he decides not to say anything.
✐
Kibum isn’t quite sure, but he realizes that Jonghyun doesn’t seem to notice that Kibum is gay. Which is kind of difficult to imagine, since Kibum dresses fabulously and kind of flaunts the fact that he’s homosexual, but either Jonghyun is too unperceptive to figure out that he’s kind of into guys, or Jonghyun is aware of it but decides to ignore it, judging by the way he’s always pressed against his side like a leech to skin.
“I- buddy, you’re too close.” Kibum says for the millionth time, pushing Jonghyun a bit farther away. Jonghyun merely ignores him, draping his arm over his shoulder and popping his personal bubble.
“I do this to everyone.” Jonghyun doesn’t seem to see a problem with excessive amounts of skinship. Kibum isn’t really into touching- he likes talking and the occasional arm tugging, but he shies away from any sort of close contact. Every time Jonghyun leans in a bit too close, Kibum gets startled and tries to back away, except Jonghyun likes to keep him in a headlock so that he couldn’t escape. He finally lets go of Kibum, which makes him feel both pleased and disappointed at the same time.
They’re both sitting in the attic, the sunlight streaming in like liquid honey, coating the oak floors a lovely golden brown. The lingering scent of paint and Febreze coats the air like a layer of clothes, hanging lightly against their skin rather comfortably. Sheets of papers were taped onto the walls, some filled with angry strokes of paint, and others decorated with streaks of dusty black from the charcoal. There are cubes of linoleum blocks, only half-finished and carved with precision.
“It’s beautiful.” Jonghyun says simply, his eyes star-struck with awe. Kibum feels a swell of pride and ducks down to hide his pink face.
“Thanks.” Kibum says, tone shy and sounding awkward. The thing is, he never really showed his artworks to anyone. He remembers his mom snorting at his little cartoon drawings and his dad merely ignoring him when he drew a portrait of him. He had a double-lock on the attic door for a reason. “I don’t usually show this to just anyone, you know.” Kibum warns, pointing a finger at Jonghyun. “Don’t tell anyone about this place.”
“I won’t.” Jonghyun fingers a sheet of paper that had English swear words and random squiggles on it. Kibum honestly doesn’t remember about half of the stuff he had drawn, but he can tell the emotions he had while painting- delicate strokes for when he’s in a mellow mood, rash ones for when he’s mad. His fingers itch to grab an HB pencil so he could sketch out the lighting of the place, the sunlight falling perfectly on Jonghyun’s face.
What. Kibum blinks, and snaps out of it. Silly Kibum. You’ll look like a creep if you do something like that.
“These could be featured in an art gallery.” Kibum looks up and sees Jonghyun looking thoughtfully in the air, hand frozen and about to touch a carved statue of a turtle. “Have you ever thought about it?”
“Jjong, I’m 17. I want to graduate, take a course in finance or whatever, get a job and live in an apartment by myself.” Kibum stretches out and lies down on the floor, surveying the ceiling with mild interest. Random paint splotches are everywhere, and he mentally writes down the need to give this place a proper clean-up. “I like art. Not enough to make it as a living, though.”
“That’s a shame.” And Jonghyun really does look sad, as though this was his future they were talking about, not Kibum’s. Kibum swats his hand away- when was it on my thigh, Kibum thinks dazedly- and gets back up, struggling to sit up properly. “You should draw me something sometime.”
“I’ll draw you!” Kibum shouts suddenly, startling Jonghyun. Kibum suddenly realises what he had just said and awkwardly coughs, trying to cool down his flaming cheeks. “Or something.”
“That’s a good idea.” Jonghyun grins, stretching his arms out and making his shirt rise up just the slightest bit. “Although it’ll probably take a long time, right?”
Kibum refrains from saying that he has oodles of free time and that he had already contemplated the best angles possible to draw his face.
✐
Kibum likes to watch Jonghyun play soccer after school. He’s not the fastest or the strongest, but he’s always concentrated on the ball, pursing his lips in that cute determined way whenever he’s wondering about who he should pass it to. He throws a fake-fit of anger when they miss, but still good-naturedly high-fives the freakishly-tall googly-eyed boy if their team had won. Kibum finds himself sitting on the same bench over and over again, armed with a bottle of water and a sketchpad full of rejected ideas.
“You’re always here.” Freakishly-tall boy comments, sitting down beside Kibum since he was sitting out for that game. “Are you dating Jonghyun?”
“What?” Kibum proceeds to laugh, until he realizes that the other wasn’t laughing with him. “Oh. You were being serious.” He takes a swig from his water bottle and fiddles with his pencil, watching as Jonghyun yelled at his teammate to pass the ball to him. “Jonghyun’s about a 9 on the heterosexual scale, Keroro. I doubt we’ll get together anytime soon. Not like I want to get together with him.” Kibum hurriedly adds, cursing at himself for almost letting out that crucial piece of information.
“Did you just call me Keroro?” Kibum ignores him and continues on speaking, flailing his arms around to further amplify his statement.
“Also, he’s a douche.” An attractive douche, Kibum’s mind adds traitorously. “I don’t even know what we are. Anyway. Who are you?” Kibum suddenly asks, realizing that he had no idea who he was. Pretty-boy blinks twice before smiling, making Kibum want to cover his eyes. He knew they wouldn’t get along.
“I’m Minho.” Minho says, looking highly amused. So this was Minho, Kibum muses. He had always wondered who it was that Jonghyun talked about. “And you’re Kibum?”
“Yes. How’d you know?” Kibum raises an eyebrow, slightly suspicious. He wasn’t exactly the school’s most popular guy- he was probably far from it- so why would a soccer jock know his name?
“Jonghyun mentions you a lot.” Minho says. Oh. So Jonghyun talked about him, sometimes. Which was kind of magical, since Kibum hadn’t expected that to happen. “Something about this guy with dyed hair that was really weird but cool.”
Cool. Kibum likes that term.
“And that you’re really soft or something. Smooth?” Minho scrunches his face with concentration, looking kind of cute. Fuck cute things, Kibum thinks miserably. He likes cute things. He doesn’t quite like Minho, though. “He talks about you all too much, though. And-”
“Wait. Soft?” Kibum looks at him incredulously, and Minho’s lips set into a neutral line, looking like he didn’t want to speak anymore. “He called me smooth?” Last time he checked, Kibum was all bones and skin. Sure, his skin might be smooth, but he was the farthest thing from a smooth talker and-
“Kibum!” Jonghyun’s voice yelled excitedly, waving his arms in the air haphazardly. Kibum turns to look at him, and mentally laughs as he sees Jonghyun jumping up and down, like a little kid waiting to impress his mom. “Did you see that?! I shot a goal!”
“Good for you!” Kibum yells back, and then turns to talk to Minho again. “But Jonghyun’s straight, right?”
“Yeah.” Minho says immediately, as though he didn’t even need to think about it. “He touches you far too often, though.”
Kibum squints at him. Minho smiles, looking perfectly angelic.
Kibum squints some more.
“You know, I think you’ll get along with my friend.” Kibum says at last. “I’ll introduce you guys sometime.” Before Minho could say anything, the coach blew the whistle, making Minho get up and stretch out his perfectly long legs.
“I’ll see you later?” Minho asks, tilting his head to the side. Kibum resists the urge to stick his tongue out and just shrugs, packing up his sketchbook.
He has to start working on his portrait of Jonghyun, obviously.
✐
It took a lot of creeping around hallways and hang-outs with Jonghyun to finally finish his masterpiece, but he’s done the drawing, and he’s kind of proud of it. It was more of a Picasso version of Jonghyun’s face, what with all the bright colours and deconstruction of his perfect profile, but he also included doodles of stuff Jonghyun liked, like soccer and his pet puppy Roo. Kibum was a contemporary, modern artist. He made it as weird as possible, and he likes it a lot.
He likes it so much, in fact, he had carefully rolled it up and put an elastic band over it, ready to show Jonghyun the gorgeous finish he had finally created. He wasn’t quite sure where Jonghyun was- Minho had told him Jonghyun left early- and so he was sort of just wandering around in the hallways, peeking in through classrooms to see if Jonghyun might’ve been shuffling through papers or doodling on a desk.
He could hear hushed whispers and giggles from a classroom, however. Maybe the people inside could direct him to where Jonghyun was. He opened the door, clearing his throat and smiling in a hopefully-nice way.
“Um, excuse me, do you know-” But he stops, dead in his tracks, eyes wide open and mouth agape, unsure of what to say, because yes, he found Jonghyun, but he found Jonghyun kissing some girl, mouth-to-mouth.
Mouth to fucking mouth.
His arms go limp and his drawing tumbles out, thankfully still safe in its rubber-band grip. His bracelets suddenly sound too loud in the silence, and he kind of wishes that he could just sink into the ground and die.
The girl at least has the decency to look embarrassed. Jonghyun, however, smiles as though nothing was wrong, waving to him in a friendly way.
“Hey, buddy. I was going to introduce you guys tomorrow, but you came in.” He says, still smiling in that perfect, cute-Jonghyun way. Kibum wants to strangle him, or strangle the girl, but mostly he just wants to strangle himself.
“Oh, yeah?” Kibum’s voice sounds unnaturally high, even to himself. “Sorry to interrupt. I’ll. I’ll see you tomorrow, Jonghyun.” Kibum picks up his drawing and closes the door, walking down the hallways limply. He still has that adorable smile stuck in his head, and he clutches the drawing tightly, almost leaving a dent in it.
Fuck cute things. Kibum thinks dejectedly, trailing down the hallways like a ghost. Fuck this.
Kibum writes in his diary for the first time in ages, just because he had a lot of feelings and he wanted to, dammit.
I hate straight guys.
✐
To put it simply, Kibum’s life sucks. He’s crushing on a straight guy with a girlfriend, he’s been eating nothing but chocolate rolls from the convenience store nearby, and he’s releasing all of his anger on a poor linoleum block, digging and scraping at it with a knife. He also has a heartless jerk for a best friend, except when said best friend saw him viciously attack an innocent block of wood with a gardening hoe, he had quickly whisked him away to his house instead.
“He has a girlfriend.” Kibum says numbly to the fork, holding it close to his face. “He has a girlfriend. I knew this would happen.”
“What did I do to deserve this?” Kibum clutches a napkin, staring at the pristine paper with hate. “Was I a murderer in my past life? I’m very sorry if I chopped people up.”
“Maybe it’s karma.” Kibum stares at the glass cup, watching as a single drop of water trailed down. “Maybe I hurt someone by accident, so now I’m getting hurt as well.”
“You need help.” Jinki deadpans, although his eyes looked worried. “Kibummie, don’t worry about it. It’s just a guy.”
“I hate this.” Kibum groans, placing his forehead on a placemat. “I feel gross. I want to kill someone.”
“You are not allowed to kill people.” Jinki says, taking away the fork from Kibum’s grip. Kibum looks up, slightly pissed that his weapon had been taken away. “And it’s just a girlfriend. They might break up soon.”
“Yeah. Maybe.” Kibum says noncommittally, looking as though he didn’t believe it at all. “What is this? I hate this. I need cake. In me. Now.” Kibum suddenly gets up, zombie-like as he tries to put his backpack on. Jinki leans over and gently pries the backpack out of Kibum’s slack hands, looking kind of sad. Jinki felt like his best friend was gone.
“I’ll get cake for you later.” Jinki says, grabbing Kibum’s arm. Kibum doesn’t fight back- in fact, he wants human contact, since he had been deprived of Jonghyun for, what, two days? He had literally just stayed at home and called in sick to the school till Jinki had arrived, worried and clutching a box of chocolates to lure Kibum out from hiding. “Right now, you need to go take a nap.”
“I don’t want a nap.” Kibum says stubbornly, letting Jinki guide him to the couch. “I want cake. And manhwa. And I want to watch that new drama episode. And get me that French film from my house.” Kibum keeps on rambling on while Jinki nods his head, humming and placing a blanket over him to placate him. Kibum didn’t really want to sleep, but when he inhales the scent of fresh laundry and mandarins, the stupid but nice smell that always clings onto Jinki, he finds his eyes slowly shutting, thankfully keeping in the tears that were building up inside.
“I really liked him, you know.” Kibum says, his voice quiet. Jinki brushed his hair, smoothing it over with his safe, warm hands.
“I know.” Jinki says softly. “I know.”
They sit like that for a while, Kibum spread out over the sofa, trying to suppress the sobs that were threatening to come out, and Jinki sitting on the table, patting his head gently and thoughtfully staying quiet.
✐
It was the first time Kibum had cried over a guy, and he felt silly for doing such a thing. They weren’t even dating. Jonghyun wasn’t interested. It was a one-sided thing, and Kibum keeps it to himself, returning back to school and smiling like usual.
Jonghyun’s girlfriend is pretty. Really, really pretty. Her hair is long and wavy and the colour of caramel, shining under the fluorescent lights of the school. Her eyes are large and double-lidded and she has a gorgeous smile. She has a nice body- curvy in all the right places, flat stomach, long legs.
Kibum revels in the fact that his legs still looked better.
“This is Jessica, my girlfriend.” Jonghyun says, beaming and placing his arm around her shoulders, tugging her close to him. “This is my best friend, Kibum.”
Best friend. The words slap him in the face, making him suddenly realize what kind of relationship they were in. Kibum smiles at her, and she smiles back, albeit rather unsurely. He could feel her giving him an once-over, from his bleached blond hair to his sparkly Doc Martens, and she stretches a hand out, as if to shake.
“Nice to meet you. I really like your bracelets.” She said. Her voice was sweet, and she was nice.
He hates nice people.
“Thanks.” He said, and he slowly shakes her hand. “I. You two look good together.” He hates himself. The sad part though was that they did look good with each other, like the perfect, absolutely straight couple they are. He watches her blush, and Jonghyun beaming at him, and he realizes that maybe he really is a masochist for letting himself deal with this.
“You’re the best.” Jonghyun lets go of Jessica and hooks his arm over his shoulders instead, and Kibum wants to kill himself for his heart still somersaulting from the brief contact. Except Jonghyun doesn’t let go of him, and he suddenly feels awkward for both him and Jessica, who was looking at Jonghyun expectantly.
“Jonghyun, do you want to go for lunch?” Jessica asks, subtly lacing her fingers around Jonghyun’s arm. Jonghyun nods, and turns to look at Kibum almost expectantly.
“You coming, buddy?” Jonghyun asks. Kibum almost laughs, but then he sees the sincere expression on his face, and, oh. He was being serious. He wanted Kibum to go with him.
This was so messed up it wasn’t even funny. Kibum wishes that Jinki was beside him, but the other was busy with homework and club activities. Kibum gives a terse smile, scooting out from Jonghyun’s grip.
“Thanks, but no thanks. I. I have stuff to do.” Kibum turns around without waiting for Jonghyun’s response, and he actually has no idea where the fuck he should go, but he just decides to aimlessly wander around until lunch was over.
✐
Jonghyun still wouldn’t stop touching him. He’d slap his arm (like usual), grab his wrist without warning (like usual), and even randomly hug him at times. Jinki stares, Minho stares, the whole fucking soccer team stares. Jessica obviously notices, but she doesn’t say anything, instead just looking at them while smiling a weird smile. Kibum doesn’t go to his soccer matches as much as before, but on the rare time he does, Jessica sits on a bench- my bench, Kibum thinks almost possessively- and watches the game peacefully.
“Kibum!” Jessica says, looking surprised but happy. Why she would be happy to see him, he has no idea, but he reluctantly sits beside her, nodding and plastering on a fake smile. They watch as the coach makes them do drills and laps, the whistle the only sound that was heard. Jessica clears her throat, and Kibum turns to look, unsure of what to expect.
“You and Jonghyun are good friends, huh?” She asks, tilting her head to the side.
“I guess.” Kibum says nonchalantly. “We haven’t been friends for a long time, to be honest. I met him this year.”
“And he holds hands with you more often than he does for me.” She says offhandedly, like it wasn’t that big of a deal. Except it was, because Kibum knew that if it was him in that predicament, he wouldn’t have liked it. Not one bit.
“I don’t know why.” Kibum says, fiddling with his fingers. “I-”
“Wait. I didn’t mean it that way.” Jessica put a hand out, suddenly looking ashamed. “It was just. Sorry. I should’ve told Jonghyun instead of asking you. It doesn’t bother me, really. I. I just want to know if he liked me, that’s all.” Jessica rolls up the cuffs of her grey blazer, her cheeks tinted pink. “We’re dating and all, but I don’t know. It’s... weird.”
Fuck. Kibum licks his lips, suddenly feeling like a douche. Except if anyone was a douche, it would be Jonghyun who didn’t pay much attention to his pretty girlfriend. “Jonghyun’s just stupid.” Kibum says instead, stretching out his legs and crossing it at the ankle. “I’m sure you guys will be closer soon.” He flashes a quick smile, and after a few seconds she smiles back, adjusting her skirt accordingly.
“Thanks, Kibum. You’re really sweet.” Jessica says, tone completely sincere and making Kibum feel like an asshole for hating-her-because-he-couldn’t-hate-her.
" Um, I’m going to leave now. Say hi to Jonghyun for me.” Jessica nods, waving good-bye to him, and Kibum catches Jonghyun’s eye, who stares at him for a long time. Feeling conscious of himself, he ducks his head down, trying to ignore Jonghyun’s gaze.
✐
Jonghyun invites Kibum over to his place after school one day, and Kibum finds himself agreeing, mostly because he had never been there before and he was actually rather curious about it. Jinki looks at him in a disbelieving way, and Kibum merely shrugs his shoulders.
“I’m a masochist.” Kibum says, finally coming to terms with his problem. Jinki shakes his head and tells Kibum to have his number on speed dial in case of emergencies. Kibum’s unsure of how Jinki sees him, but he obviously didn’t have quite a high opinion of Kibum’s level-headedness.
“My room.” Jonghyun does a dramatic sweep with his arms, showing off the room. The bed covers were messily strewn and clothes hung on the tiny chairs, looking like he hadn’t cleaned it up in weeks. A keyboard was shoved to the corner of one side, and a guitar was placed beside it, music sheets scattered on the floor like snow. Kibum picks a sheet up, marveling at the squiggly lines and quickly-drawn music notes.
“You write music?” Kibum asks, not even hiding the awe in his voice. Jonghyun- soccer jock, gorgeous smile, adorable personality, writes music. What can this perfect bastard not do?
“Yeah. Oh, I wrote this one recently.” Jonghyun grabs Kibum’s hand- fuck, not again, Kibum thinks as a million balloons swell up in his stomach and pulls him up into the clouds- and drags him to the other side of the room, shoving him onto the bed rather playfully.
“Listen, okay?” Jonghyun looks eager and excited, waiting for Kibum to watch him. Jonghyun strums on his guitar experimentally, clears his throat a few times, and began to hum, the notes soft and mellow.
He sings about pretty smiles and crazy habits, about silly personalities and the love of cake. The melody is simple but catchy, the chords lingering in Kibum’s mind. He was pretty sure that he was singing about one person though, and it was most likely Jessica. When Jonghyun finishes the last note, he claps half-heartedly, smiling but not actually smiling.
“That was really nice.” Kibum says, although on the inside he was rolling with jealousy. “Did you write that for Jessica?”
“No.” Jonghyun says, looking surprised. “I wrote it for you.”
What. Kibum blinks twice, and all of a sudden, the room feels tinier than it really was. His palms felt clammy and his clothes felt too suffocating and fuck.
Kibum swallows, and his forehead is sweating, and he hates how his heart pounds against his ribcage annoyingly loud and how his mind is completely blank and how fucking gorgeous Jonghyun looked under the lighting and how he wanted to grab a pencil and draw-
“No.” Kibum says aloud, although the word is soft and tentative, almost inaudible. Jonghyun looks at him, bewildered, his hands still on the guitar strings.
“What?” Jonghyun says, confused. Kibum plucks up all of his courage and repeats what he just said.
“No.” His voice is louder, more sure this time. He looks up and stares right into the dark, hot-chocolate coloured eyes of Jonghyun, and he could feel himself getting sucked into the chasm. “Do you like me?”
Jonghyun laughs, the sound soft and tinkling in the afternoon air. “Of course I do, Kibum.” Jonghyun grins lopsidedly, like an amused puppy. Kibum shook his head, and tried again.
“Do you like, like me?” Kibum stares straight at him.
The laughter dies away.
“Kibum, what are you talking about.” Jonghyun looks confused, like honest-to-god confused, as though he didn’t notice Kibum’s conflicting feelings and dilemmas and problems, and that riles him up, because fuck, he had been freaking out all this time and all Jonghyun does is stare at him like he was the crazy one.
“Are you that dense?” Kibum says angrily, pent-up feelings about to boil over. “Fuck- goddammit, Jonghyun, I like you. I’ve liked you ever since I laid eyes on you. And you- you just keep on fucking touching me and hugging me and I hate it. I hate the way you make me feel, because you don’t feel the same way back.” Kibum gets up abruptly, breathing hard to get his emotions in check. “Don’t touch me if you don’t mean it. Because Jonghyun, this,” and Kibum leans in, bumping his forehead with Jonghyun’s forehead, Jonghyun’s shocked brown irises staring into his own, “this means ‘I want you’.”
When he leaves, he could feel the tears threaten to come out, and he lets the droplets trail down his face, not bothering to wipe it away.
✐
He hasn’t seen Jonghyun in a week. It wasn’t because he was purposefully avoiding the other- although he kind of did, just a little- but no matter where he went, the other was simply gone. The change was horrible- he couldn’t help but miss the arm around his shoulder, or the stinging arm slaps, or even the non-stop chattering of the older boy in his ear. Jinki took one look at him and shoved a slice of cake in front of his face, sighing and muttering underneath his breath.
“Jinki,” Kibum began to speak between mouthfuls of cake, “I’m going through Jonghyun withdrawal.”
“Okay, look, I’m really glad you told him off, but if this was going to be the end result, then I wish you didn’t say anything.” Jinki looks at Kibum in a rather condescending way, but Kibum ignores it, instead contenting himself on eating the vanilla cake.
“What should I do?” Kibum says miserably, not even tasting the cake. “I can’t live with him, I can’t live without him. I wish I never met him.”
“Did he say anything to you after you left his house?” Jinki asks, flipping through a textbook absent-mindedly. Kibum shook his head.
“No. At least I don’t think so.” Kibum wants to throw up. He ate the cake way too quickly. “Fuck this. I hate every straight guy in the world.” Jinki raises an eyebrow, and Kibum sighs loudly. “I hate every straight guy except for you. Okay? Happy?”
“Not really, but okay.” Jinki’s smile betrays him, and Kibum couldn’t help but grin as well. The boy’s smile was infectious. “I can’t really help you though, buddy. I-”
“Jonghyun used to call me ‘buddy’ a lot.” Kibum clunks his head back onto the lunch table, and yelps as the hard surface banged against his sensitive skin. “Ow. Ow ow ow.”
Jinki stares at Kibum, a rather neutral expression on his face. “Are you sure you’re going through heartbreak right now?” Jinki says finally. “Because you’re like a one-man gag show.”
“I’m heart-shattered.” Kibum corrects Jinki. “Not heartbroken. Heart-shattered.”
Jinki pats Kibum’s head condescendingly, and Kibum scowls, flipping him the middle finger before collapsing dramatically back onto the table.
✐
Kibum hears the weirdest sound outside of his window at 4 am in the morning on a Saturday. Needless to say, he wasn’t exactly in the best mood in the world as he gets up, clad in his old hello-kitty pyjamas (courtesy of Jinki) and flings open the window, trying to see who was the idiot that was- dare he say it- yodeling at an ungodly time of the day.
“Who the-” When he looks down, he sees Jonghyun- gorgeous, manly, attractive Jonghyun- strumming his guitar while bellowing his guts out, singing about-
-he was singing about Kibum’s boots.
“Cause they sparkle, like your smile, and-” Jonghyun looks up, and he waves, grinning unsurely. “Hi, Kibum.” Jonghyun says, still strumming away on his guitar.
“Jonghyun?” Kibum was torn between laughing and yelling at him. He settles for a deranged version of both. “Why the fuck are you outside, in my backyard, singing about my shoes?”
“I wanted to see you.” Jonghyun says seriously. Somehow the cheesy sentence made Kibum want to dance around and faint away from happiness, but he refrains from dying, not yet.
“Whatever, you asshole.” Kibum says instead, hanging out at the window. “It’s four am goddammit, pick a better time.”
“I’m coming in!” Jonghyun warns, and before Kibum could do anything, he walks up to the door, banging it a few times. Kibum gasps and runs down the stairs, willing his parents to not hear it (because if they did, well, hell will be unleashed in the form of spatulas and yanking away his credit card privileges) and thrusts the door open, breathing hard from running around.
“How dare you do that.” Kibum hisses, trying hard to not attempt to kill Jonghyun. “What if my parents heard?”
“That’s why I knew you’d come down.” Jonghyun looks at him, and bites back a grin. “Nice pyjamas.”
“Fuck off.” Kibum begrudgingly lets Jonghyun in, and, oh god. Underneath his eyes, he had these dark eye circles and he looked extremely tired, as though he hadn’t slept for days. His hair was a mess and his clothes looked horribly mismatched, but Kibum hates how he still thinks he’s the most attractive sunuvabitch he had ever laid eyes on.
“Can we go upstairs?” Jonghyun pleads, and Kibum feels himself melting, melting... “I have something I need to say to you.”
Kibum wants to tell him to go away, but then he thinks back to Jinki who asked him if Jonghyun had said anything after he had left. He sighs and motions for Jonghyun to be quiet and leads him to the attic, opening it and kicking some of his art supplies away to make some space. They plop down in their old spots, facing each other rather awkwardly. Dead silence trickles by for a few minutes before Kibum clears his throat, fiddling with the hem of his t-shirt and trying to formulate a sentence to say.
“I hate you.” Kibum spoke up first. “I hate you, because I like you. And I hate how you smile at me, hold me, touch me, speak to me. I hate how you’re so goddamn likeable. I hate how you have a girlfriend. I hate...” Kibum feels the fight in his voice die away, and he leans back on an art stand, looking down at the floor. “I hate how I like you.” Kibum says quietly. “And, even if you don’t like me back that way, I still... can we-”
“I like you.” Jonghyun says so matter-of-factly, it was as though they were merely discussing the weather. Kibum whips his head up so quickly that he accidentally bangs his head against a stack of books, yelping as rolls of paper fell down. Jonghyun crawls forward and helps remove a book from Kibum’s head, and Kibum mutters a ‘thanks’ when he looks up and-
Oh. He’s face-to-face with the perfectly sculpted profile of Jonghyun, and wow, their foreheads are pressed together. Jonghyun smells like freshly mowed-grass and sweat and something decidedly Jonghyun, which probably would’ve been a gross combination, except Kibum thinks, rather dazedly, that it was the most amazing scent in the world. He suddenly realizes how deprived of the other he had been as he loops his arm around his neck, the tips of their noses brushing against each other in an almost ticklish way.
“I like you, Kim Kibum. Will you go out with me?” Jonghyun says, and god, it was like deja-vu, the way that they were so fucking close to each other. Kibum stares at him, dazed and giddy with glee, and he lets out the most bubbly-sounding string of giggles he had ever done.
“Wait- what about Jessica?” Kibum asks, suddenly frowning. Jonghyun tries to get up, but Kibum yanks him back down, leaning into his shoulder blade comfortably.
“I broke up with her after you told me you liked me.” Jonghyun hugged Kibum close, and Kibum didn’t mind the contact. He merely snuggled in closer, and they probably painted a weird picture, what with Jonghyun in his old t-shirt and grass-stained sweatpants and Kibum in his hello kitty pyjamas, sitting in the middle of a room full of art supplies, but Kibum thinks that it was probably the most perfect moment of his life.
Until Jonghyun spots the drawing Kibum had made for him. He had laughed at it for about five minutes straight, which made Kibum furious and attempt to hit him, but Jonghyun merely held the drawing to his chest happily, slapping Kibum’s arm to calm him down.
Needless to say, Kibum wasn’t very pleased.
✐
“So you guys are together now?” Jinki says. They were walking out into the soccer field after school, getting ready for a weekend full of nothing. Kibum smiles stupidly, skipping and moving his arms to make his bracelets clank against each other.
“Yeah.” Kibum smiles, bright-eyed and ecstatic, forgetting about how heavy his backpack was and thinking about how lovely the world was at the moment. “Isn’t it amazing? Weeks and weeks of me slaving away and trying to ignore what I was feeling, and bam. Heterosexual Jonghyun is mine. All mine.”
“Good for you.” And Jinki does look pleased, but it was probably because he didn’t have to hear Kibum’s teenage angst problems anymore. Kibum grins blissfully and stops twirling around when he sees someone standing in the middle of the completely empty soccer field (which was rare, because it was soccer practice after school), holding a bouquet of tiger-lilies and a white little carrier bag in the other hand, hair mussed up perfectly and smiling in a stupidly sexy way and-
“Oh my god.” Jinki looks like he’s laughing and feeling disgusted at the same time. “Is that- is that your- I can’t believe it.”
Except Kibum doesn’t give two shits about what Jinki was saying, since he was busy running over there and Jonghyun opens his arms out wide and BAM- Kibum collides straight onto Jonghyun and they fall over onto the grass, the flowers bursting and flying in the air, making them both beflowered and perfumating the air. Jonghyun grins and Kibum grins and they both look stupid and they’re rolling around on dirt and bugs but Kibum really doesn’t care about anything in the world at the moment.
“You brought me flowers.” Kibum wants to giggle, or laugh, or do some sort of other cliché-girly thing at the moment, but Jonghyun gets up and pushes the carrier bag to Kibum, smiling a proud smile.
“I persuaded everyone to leave today so I could give it to you properly- the flowers, I mean.” Jonghyun says, grinning and looking absolutely pleased with himself. Usually Kibum would tell him to stop being such a cocky little bastard, but today he was too stunned to do such a thing. “Wait, wait. Look inside the bag.” And Kibum grabs it and sifts through the contents before pulling out a pair of sunglasses, the studded ones that he had pointed out to Jonghyun weeks ago, the one that cost a shit-load of money and fuck.
Jonghyun brought flowers and a pair of designer sunglasses.
It was the most romantic gesture Kibum had ever received.
“You. You are perfect.” Kibum says, and this time he just laughs and hiccups and oh god he’s starting to cry, not because he was sad but because he had the most perfect boyfriend in the world and good god he wanted to fucking ravish him until his toes curled and his insides felt like exploding and float away on cloud nine. “I think of you while I’m doing math homework and every time I see a paintbrush I think of you, you-"
Jonghyun shuts him up by hugging him until his body hurts from the pressure, and the sunglasses lay limply in his hands.
“I think of you no matter what I do.” Jonghyun says, and Kibum could practically hear the grin in his voice. “Hey, Kibum, can I kiss you?”
“Do what you will.” Kibum pulls back, and Jonghyun pulls back, and the sunlight was shining down perfectly once more and Kibum needs a charcoal in his hand, now.
Kibum forgets everything and everyone once their lips press against each other.
And he was okay with that.
--
A/N: Oh god I had to shave off so many words because of the word limit. I'm sad.
Anyway I really enjoyed writing this, fun fun fun!~