Fic: Discord (Kirk/McCoy)
Title: Discord
Pairing: Kirk/McCoy
Summary: Jim and Bones catch up
Rating: Teen/PG13
Word Count: 3775
A/N: #36 in the Two Men & a Motorbike series. Follows #35: Reprimand. Thank you and ♥ to everyone who is reading/commenting!
In the future, Jim’s going to have to be more aware about his public image whenever he’s stealing moments with Bones. He realizes that when he sees the messy spots on his shirt and obvious stains on his pants. As Captain of the Enterprise, he can’t just have sex and wipe himself off on the nearest available fabric, which is usually an article of clothing. When they left the bridge, they were both disheveled, but Bones somehow has the annoying ability to clean up without making things worse.
Today, he’d just used his boxers and had worn his pants without them, something that seems to be happening too often. Even worse, Jim only has himself to blame because he’s the one who encouraged that behavior with his arousal over it a couple of weeks back. Bones seems to delight in torturing him with the question of whether or not he’s got anything on underneath his pants. Of course, that does lead to exploring to find out, so maybe it isn’t so bad after all. Unless Jim’s trying to concentrate on something important and Bones prances around wiggling his ass in ways that make it impossible to work without finding out about the underwear thing.
He shakes his head as he enters his quarters. Fortunately, Bones isn’t the type to prance around, but he is the type to tease and tempt. Maybe he needs to make that a rule or something. Must wear underwear on the bridge. Jim grins as he strips off his dirty clothes and walks into the bathroom. He can make an entire list, and then, if Bones breaks any rules, he has the chance to reprimand him again. Damn, that was fun, mostly because Bones really got into it and played along and, well, the whole Captain thing is pretty hot, too.
While the sonic shower is relaxing, Jim misses the feel of water against his skin. In that way, he’s old-fashioned. Besides, it won’t be nearly as enjoyable to shower with Bones when they can’t make a mess splashing each other. Something else he’ll have to get used to. It doesn’t take long before he’s clean, so he turns off the shower and wanders back into his quarters. Bones is showering and changing, too, in his new quarters before meeting Jim here. It’s probably early afternoon back home, which might be why his stomach is growling.
Since they’re just going to hang out and talk in his room, he pulls on a pair of sweatpants and digs through his bag until he finds the bottles of alcohol that he brought along. The replicator is okay for food, even if it isn’t as good as the freshly cooked kind, but it definitely doesn’t do alcohol justice. In retrospect, Jim thinks that he probably should have brought a lot more whiskey, beer, and bourbon, but he’ll just have to make do with what he has until he can get more.
After choosing a bottle of whiskey from his small stash, he gets Mac and puts him on a corner of the table by the sofa. It has a good view of the room, not that he can actually see or anything. He scratches his belly before he sits down and gets comfortable. He gave Bones his code, so he won’t have to get up for a while. That sounds good, since he’s definitely feeling lazy right now. He hasn’t slept since Thursday night, and only for a few hours then. Now that Bones is back in his life, maybe he’ll start sleeping better again. Of course, that brings to mind the question of whether Bones will be sleeping in Jim’s quarters or his own.
The door opens, and Bones comes inside, looking around and whistling. “Guess yours is bigger this time,” he says. When Jim snorts, he rolls his eyes. “And, of course, your perverted mind takes that statement to mean something else entirely.“
“Mine is always bigger,” he brags as he stretches. “Nice place, though, isn’t it? Bigger than anywhere I’ve lived since I was a kid.”
Bones walks around the room, peering into the bathroom and then poking around the small kitchen area. “It’s nice. Mine doesn’t have a kitchen set-up at all. Just a replicator.” He looks at the bed then at Jim. “My bed isn’t as big, either.”
“We can use mine,” Jim offers before he reaches for the container that Chekov gave him. “It doesn’t squeak. I tested it earlier, for when you visited me. I didn’t know then that you were hiding in my chair, of course.”
“I wasn’t hiding.” Bones sits on the sofa next to him, close enough that they’re touching.
“No, that’s right. You were jerking off.” He arches a brow and looks at Bones. “I hope that you realize I’m still annoyed that you got to do that in my chair before I did. You’re going to have to make it up to me. I had this fantasy when I was packing yesterday about you being a strict doctor and me being a cadet that you’re instructing.” He waggles his eyebrows and leers. “Just a suggestion of one way you can make amends soon.”
“I am a strict doctor, asshole. I think you obviously need more work to do if you have time to be developing even more fantasies,” he mutters. “Besides, I think I already made it up to you, considering my ass is still sore from riding you.”
“There is no such thing as too many fantasies when you’re involved, Bones,” he says simply. “Anyway, it’s your fault because you’re so damn sexy. How could anyone not have lurid fantasies about you?” He smiles smugly. “I’m just the lucky bastard that gets to make them reality.”
“Not if you keep bitching about me owing you, you don’t.” Bones looks down at the container and frowns. “Why do you keep that fondling that? And why is there a stuffed toy on the table?” he asks gruffly.
“Threats only work when I know that you’re willing to follow through on them,” Jim reminds him. “Considering your reaction to being back with me was the same as mine, I’m not that worried that you’re going to suddenly become celibate again.” He looks at the table and smiles slightly. “Mac is getting used to his new home. He’s just a puppy, so I had to put him somewhere without a view of the bed, so the table is the best choice.”
“Damn it, Jim. Another inanimate object you’ve named?” Bones makes a face before he ducks his head. “It’s a silly gift to give someone your age, but I couldn’t resist it when I saw it.”
“Him, not it. His name’s McCoy, but Mac works best,” he explains, nudging Bones’ side with his elbow. “He isn’t silly, either. No one’s ever gotten me a pet before, even a fake one. It’s actually really--“
“If you say sweet or cute, I’m leaving,” Bones grumbles, looking up finally. It’s obvious that he’s embarrassed, which Jim finds pretty adorable. Not that he says that, since he doubts Bones would appreciate it.
“Thoughtful,” he says. “And I’m making you keep your promise once I become admiral.” He opens the container and tilts it towards Bones. “Chekov made me these cakes before my trip. It turns out that he’s a bit of a cook, a good one.”
“When did you see the kid?” Bones picks up one of the cakes and licks at the frosting. Jim is so focused on the sight of Bones’ tongue that he can’t answer the question. When he sees Bones smirk, he realizes that he’s staring.
“Gaila has adopted him, remember? I told you about it in the communication I sent the other day. Since a certain asshole doctor stuck me with the Orion babysitter from hell, I spent more time with the two of them this week than I ever wanted to,” he grumbles, pouting just a little for effect.
“I didn’t get any communication before I left. Must have just missed it.” He frowns before he glances at Jim and smirks. “There’s another asshole doctor in your life that I should know about?” Bones drawls. “Should I be jealous?”
“Don’t even try to play innocent, Bones. It never works. We’re talking about Gaila, remember? She told me about her promise to you.” Jim picks up one of the cakes and takes a bite. “They did help me smuggle Jess on-board, though, so I’ll forgive you this time.”
“You got Jess onto the Enterprise? Really?” Bones slowly smiles. “Only you, Jim.”
“Not on my own. They helped, and so did Scotty. You should hear him talking to Jess, though. Seems to think he can sweet talk her into liking him or something. She’s mine,” he says firmly before he takes another bite.
“You know, to be so loose with your affections, you’re surprisingly possessive,” Bones muses as he dips his finger into the icing on his cake.
Jim frowns at him. “So I’m not allowed to be jealous or care about things because I’ve fucked around a lot and enjoy sex?”
Bones looks at him and shrugs. “I didn’t say that, Jim. It’s just not something I expected based on how casual you’ve always been in the past when it comes to that sort of thing.”
“That sort of thing meaning sex. You still don’t think that I can be anything more than an oversexed slut, do you?” He hates the way that his voice breaks when he asks a question that he doesn’t even really want an answer to.
“Jim, it’s been a long week. Can we just not do this right now?” Bones asks. When Jim looks at him stubbornly, he curses. “Fuck. Fine. I do find it difficult to believe that you’d suddenly change after years of bouncing from one woman to another. The longest lasting relationship that you’ve had is with Jess, as far as I can tell, and I don’t really understand why I would be an exception to your general rule. Maybe I do keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, for you to get bored and move on, but I’d probably worry about that no matter what your past was.”
“You’re wrong. I’ve known you since before I ever bought Jess,” he points out, even though it doesn’t really matter. He leans forward and opens the bottle of whiskey, pouring himself a glass and drinking half of it in one gulp. “Sure, my past isn’t perfect, but I’ve never lied about any of it. And you keep saying that you trust me, but then you say shit like this that makes it seem impossible.”
“Give me some of that.” Bones takes the bottle and fills a glass. “I can trust you but still be concerned, Jim. Hell, you’ve muttered about more than one woman I’ve been around in the past few weeks, and I haven’t slept my way through the academy, so I’d think you know that it isn’t always rational.”
“Maybe it isn’t always easy to just be with one person--I honestly never thought I’d want to be, much less would try it--but life isn’t supposed to be simple. I’ve always had to work hard for anything that I’ve gotten, fuck those who think I was just handed this ship, and I’m working on this thing with you because it matters to me.” He strokes his thumb over the side of his glass. “Every time you make some remark about my past like I can’t change or you doubt that I can commit to this, it pisses me off.”
“We both have baggage, Jim. We also have issues that we’re trying to work out, whether it’s a fucked up past or irrational fears or whatever the fuck is making us crazy at any given moment,” Bones points out quietly. “This thing between us is new, not just because it’s more than friendship but, hell, neither of us has ever been with another man before, you’re a king of one night stands, and I was burned badly in a terrible divorce. It’s not going to be easy, and you might get pissed off, but so do I.”
Jim looks at Bones. “I’m not your ex-wife, Bones. Just because she fucked you over doesn’t mean that I’m going to treat you that way. I’m not good at this shit, but doesn’t it mean anything that I’m trying?”
“I know that,” Bones says tightly. He stares at his glass of whiskey and scowls. “I couldn’t satisfy her, so who am I to think that I can keep you happy? You could have just about anyone with a snap of your fingers.”
As he watches Bones, he gets a feeling that he’s missing something. He shifts on the sofa, moving closer to Bones, and considers it. “She cheated on you,” he says quietly. “You told me that you were faithful, but she wasn’t, was she?”
The nerve in Bones’ cheek twitches and his jaw tenses. Jim closes his eyes briefly because, damn it, this isn’t how he wanted their afternoon to go. Some food, bit of talking, maybe some lazy sex, but not a serious discussion about his promiscuity and Bones’ ex-wife. God, no wonder tried so hard to push him away. Jim’s just glad that he’s too stubborn to let go because he’s going to do everything he can to make sure that Bones doesn’t have to go through anything like that again. That woman didn’t deserve him, but Jim’s more than happy to benefit from her loss.
“Forget I asked,” he murmurs. “That’s in the past, and she’s not someone that I want to think about, much less talk about.” He leans over to brush his lips against Bones’ jaw, worried that maybe he pushed too hard again because Bones isn’t saying anything.
“Damn it, Jim. Just stop.” Bones pushes him away and leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees.
Jim bites his lip and tries to tell himself that Bones doesn’t mean to push him away. Hell, he worked with an admiral who is rumored to call in favors and play the games that Bones hates just to get onto the Enterprise sooner, so it isn’t like he doesn’t want Jim around. Still, it fucking hurts, all things considered. The earlier teasing has become this awkward silence and him feeling defensive about Bones’ doubts in him. Fuck. He puts his glass on the table and places his half-eaten cake back into the container before he stands up.
“Where’re you going?” Bones’ voice is low and rough, like the words are being pulled out of him against his wishes.
“Does it matter?” He’s suddenly feeling drained, as if the long hours of work this week have just caught up with him, and the fact that he and Bones are already arguing after only a few hours isn’t helping. When Bones doesn’t say anything, Jim sighs and walks around the partition separating his bed from the rest of the room. He crawls onto it and pulls a pillow under his head.
When the mattress dips behind him, Jim opens his eyes and focuses on the wall. He can feel Bones’ fingers lightly touching his back. This isn’t fair. Bones can’t just push him away because his ex-wife is a cheating bitch then come touch him like this whenever he wants. Jim considers telling him that, but he’s missed Bones this last week, and there’s still a part of him that can’t believe he’s really here to stay. Not after finally accepting that they’d be separated for a year.
“I know that you aren’t Jocelyn,” Bones whispers as he keeps touching Jim. “You’re younger and prettier and I’m not the same man that she fell in love with, so how can I expect you to want to be with me when you could have anyone you want?”
It’s what Bones said earlier, before Jim really understood or knew about what the ex had done. Now, he understands, and it’s frustrating because there’s not really anything he can say or do to prove himself, not when Bones seems so determined to distrust this whatever it is between them. This relationship, he corrects mentally, because, as scary as it is to label it, that’s what it is.
Bones moves his hand around to rest on Jim’s belly and spoons behind him, tightening his grip when Jim doesn’t pull away. “I keep thinking that it won’t hurt as much when I lose you if I’m prepared for it,” he admits quietly. His breath is warm against Jim’s shoulder, and he presses his lips lightly to the bare skin.
“We should be celebrating right now, you know?” Jim mutters as he moves his hand to rest on top of Bones’ hand. “You’ve been made CMO and I’m Captain, and you’re not stuck on that boring planet for a year doing nothing. If you know that I’m not the ex, then you should remember that I never knew you before you became a cynical, grumpy asshole. And you’re not the only one with issues, Bones. I keep wondering when you’re going to realize I’m just a loud-mouth loser with an attitude problem, albeit a sexy and attractive one, and get rid of me. The difference is that I’m still taking the chance on this thing, on you, and I’ll deal with the fallout if it happens.”
“Damn it, Jim. I’m here, aren’t I?” Bones says harshly. “I’m taking the chance, too.”
“If I can work on the whole commitment and monogamy thing, then can’t you try having some faith in this?” he asks softly. “I’m so tired of feeling like I need to defend my past when you knew, more than anyone, exactly what it was before you ever made that first move. I might flirt a lot, but it hasn’t gone beyond that since things changed between us.”
Bones pulls him closer and rubs his unshaven jaw against Jim’s shoulder, nuzzling his neck eventually. “I can try,” he eventually whispers. “I’m not very good at the optimistic faith shit, but things have oddly worked out well so far, so maybe your four leaf clover is starting to rub off on me, too.”
“Yeah, well, like you said. We both have fucked up pasts. I’m not the ex, but you’re also not the one night stands,” he points out. “It’s ridiculous how not like them you are, in fact. Not only am I not bored with the sex, but I even have dreams about you. We’re best friends, too, which makes it even better because it’s great to just be around you even when we’re not naked.” He snorts. “And I can’t believe that I can say that and really mean it.”
“Me either,” Bones says dryly before he nibbles on Jim’s neck. And, just like that, Jim knows that they’re okay again. He’s relieved, even if he knows that Bones’ issues with the ex-wife and potential cheating fears aren’t resolved yet. There’s really no way he can do anything to help with that, since Bones is the one who has to deal with it, just like Jim has to deal with his own personal demons. Maybe the fact that they’re able to talk about it, in their own way, will make it better. Jim’s tired of thinking about it.
“Asshole,” Jim says affectionately, smiling as he snuggles back against Bones. He yawns and squeezes Bones’ hand. “We should get back to the celebrating thing, but maybe after a nap. I’ve been awake for a while.”
“I haven’t been sleeping that well all week.” Bones moves his leg over Jim’s legs and holds him tighter. “Maybe after the nap, you can tell me more about how you got Jess on-board, and I can scold you for being a bad influence on the crew before the mission even starts.”
“Hey, you can’t blame me for that. But we should keep an eye on the kid. He reminds me of myself in that whole ‘being sneaky and getting into trouble’ way, only smart stuff instead of bar fights,” Jim tells him. “Not that I don’t have plenty of intelligent misdemeanors in my past, too.”
“Oh, great. He must be wayward if you think we need to watch out for him,” Bones grumbles. “You’ll have to tell--who did you choose for First Officer?”
“No one yet. I didn’t choose that or CMO or a couple of other minor positions because none of the applicants were suitable. Pike had fits, of course, but it’s my ship and my crew.”
“You’re holding out for the guy who tried to kill you, aren’t you?” Bones makes a disgusted noise. “Just because some time-traveling lunatic tells you that you’re best buddies with the guy in another world doesn’t mean he’s the best choice here.”
“I don’t particularly like Spock, which is actually a good thing, I think. What’s best for the ship is the most important thing, Bones. He’d make a good First Officer, if only because he won’t tolerate my bullshit. He’s like you in that way,” Jim says. “But he refused the offer, from what Pike said. Old Spock isn’t a lunatic, by the way. Kinda creepy and weird? Sure, but he’s not crazy. I don’t think.”
“Well, I don’t like it, not when he just tossed you off the ship for being an asshole,” Bones mutters. “However, I’ve learned to trust you and your instincts, even when I don’t agree with them.”
“You don’t like him because he reminds you of the time when you chose his side instead of mine,” Jim points out quietly. It’s something they haven’t talked about, but he knows Bones well enough to make a logical guess where that’s concerned. “I’ve forgiven you for that, Bones. It’s not like you really had much choice.”
Bones inhales and his arm tenses. “That’s not why,” he denies. “I just don’t trust him yet. Especially not where you’re concerned.”
“It doesn’t matter anyway. He said no, so I’ll probably have to choose another candidate in a couple of weeks. I’m just putting off making the decision for now. But, hell, I ended up getting you back, so who knows?” Jim squeezes Bones’ hand again as he yawns. “Too damn sleepy for it to be the afternoon back home.”
“Stop talking and take a nap,” Bones tells him before he kisses Jim’s neck tenderly. The gentleness is nice, and Jim feels content as Bones wraps himself around him even more. Jim smiles and closes his eyes, finally feeling like he’s home again.
End
Pointing: Recently, some people have done creative things for this series that make me bouncy and grin a lot, so I wanted to share them with everyone! nemoed has illustrated Chapter 1: Ride and Chapter 2: Push. mangotrills has illustrated Chapter 1: Ride. kayim has created a fanmix for the series here. wickedground has created fanfic covers for the series here *ZOMG bounces way too much*
#35: Reprimand | #37: Diagnosis
Pairing: Kirk/McCoy
Summary: Jim and Bones catch up
Rating: Teen/PG13
Word Count: 3775
A/N: #36 in the Two Men & a Motorbike series. Follows #35: Reprimand. Thank you and ♥ to everyone who is reading/commenting!
In the future, Jim’s going to have to be more aware about his public image whenever he’s stealing moments with Bones. He realizes that when he sees the messy spots on his shirt and obvious stains on his pants. As Captain of the Enterprise, he can’t just have sex and wipe himself off on the nearest available fabric, which is usually an article of clothing. When they left the bridge, they were both disheveled, but Bones somehow has the annoying ability to clean up without making things worse.
Today, he’d just used his boxers and had worn his pants without them, something that seems to be happening too often. Even worse, Jim only has himself to blame because he’s the one who encouraged that behavior with his arousal over it a couple of weeks back. Bones seems to delight in torturing him with the question of whether or not he’s got anything on underneath his pants. Of course, that does lead to exploring to find out, so maybe it isn’t so bad after all. Unless Jim’s trying to concentrate on something important and Bones prances around wiggling his ass in ways that make it impossible to work without finding out about the underwear thing.
He shakes his head as he enters his quarters. Fortunately, Bones isn’t the type to prance around, but he is the type to tease and tempt. Maybe he needs to make that a rule or something. Must wear underwear on the bridge. Jim grins as he strips off his dirty clothes and walks into the bathroom. He can make an entire list, and then, if Bones breaks any rules, he has the chance to reprimand him again. Damn, that was fun, mostly because Bones really got into it and played along and, well, the whole Captain thing is pretty hot, too.
While the sonic shower is relaxing, Jim misses the feel of water against his skin. In that way, he’s old-fashioned. Besides, it won’t be nearly as enjoyable to shower with Bones when they can’t make a mess splashing each other. Something else he’ll have to get used to. It doesn’t take long before he’s clean, so he turns off the shower and wanders back into his quarters. Bones is showering and changing, too, in his new quarters before meeting Jim here. It’s probably early afternoon back home, which might be why his stomach is growling.
Since they’re just going to hang out and talk in his room, he pulls on a pair of sweatpants and digs through his bag until he finds the bottles of alcohol that he brought along. The replicator is okay for food, even if it isn’t as good as the freshly cooked kind, but it definitely doesn’t do alcohol justice. In retrospect, Jim thinks that he probably should have brought a lot more whiskey, beer, and bourbon, but he’ll just have to make do with what he has until he can get more.
After choosing a bottle of whiskey from his small stash, he gets Mac and puts him on a corner of the table by the sofa. It has a good view of the room, not that he can actually see or anything. He scratches his belly before he sits down and gets comfortable. He gave Bones his code, so he won’t have to get up for a while. That sounds good, since he’s definitely feeling lazy right now. He hasn’t slept since Thursday night, and only for a few hours then. Now that Bones is back in his life, maybe he’ll start sleeping better again. Of course, that brings to mind the question of whether Bones will be sleeping in Jim’s quarters or his own.
The door opens, and Bones comes inside, looking around and whistling. “Guess yours is bigger this time,” he says. When Jim snorts, he rolls his eyes. “And, of course, your perverted mind takes that statement to mean something else entirely.“
“Mine is always bigger,” he brags as he stretches. “Nice place, though, isn’t it? Bigger than anywhere I’ve lived since I was a kid.”
Bones walks around the room, peering into the bathroom and then poking around the small kitchen area. “It’s nice. Mine doesn’t have a kitchen set-up at all. Just a replicator.” He looks at the bed then at Jim. “My bed isn’t as big, either.”
“We can use mine,” Jim offers before he reaches for the container that Chekov gave him. “It doesn’t squeak. I tested it earlier, for when you visited me. I didn’t know then that you were hiding in my chair, of course.”
“I wasn’t hiding.” Bones sits on the sofa next to him, close enough that they’re touching.
“No, that’s right. You were jerking off.” He arches a brow and looks at Bones. “I hope that you realize I’m still annoyed that you got to do that in my chair before I did. You’re going to have to make it up to me. I had this fantasy when I was packing yesterday about you being a strict doctor and me being a cadet that you’re instructing.” He waggles his eyebrows and leers. “Just a suggestion of one way you can make amends soon.”
“I am a strict doctor, asshole. I think you obviously need more work to do if you have time to be developing even more fantasies,” he mutters. “Besides, I think I already made it up to you, considering my ass is still sore from riding you.”
“There is no such thing as too many fantasies when you’re involved, Bones,” he says simply. “Anyway, it’s your fault because you’re so damn sexy. How could anyone not have lurid fantasies about you?” He smiles smugly. “I’m just the lucky bastard that gets to make them reality.”
“Not if you keep bitching about me owing you, you don’t.” Bones looks down at the container and frowns. “Why do you keep that fondling that? And why is there a stuffed toy on the table?” he asks gruffly.
“Threats only work when I know that you’re willing to follow through on them,” Jim reminds him. “Considering your reaction to being back with me was the same as mine, I’m not that worried that you’re going to suddenly become celibate again.” He looks at the table and smiles slightly. “Mac is getting used to his new home. He’s just a puppy, so I had to put him somewhere without a view of the bed, so the table is the best choice.”
“Damn it, Jim. Another inanimate object you’ve named?” Bones makes a face before he ducks his head. “It’s a silly gift to give someone your age, but I couldn’t resist it when I saw it.”
“Him, not it. His name’s McCoy, but Mac works best,” he explains, nudging Bones’ side with his elbow. “He isn’t silly, either. No one’s ever gotten me a pet before, even a fake one. It’s actually really--“
“If you say sweet or cute, I’m leaving,” Bones grumbles, looking up finally. It’s obvious that he’s embarrassed, which Jim finds pretty adorable. Not that he says that, since he doubts Bones would appreciate it.
“Thoughtful,” he says. “And I’m making you keep your promise once I become admiral.” He opens the container and tilts it towards Bones. “Chekov made me these cakes before my trip. It turns out that he’s a bit of a cook, a good one.”
“When did you see the kid?” Bones picks up one of the cakes and licks at the frosting. Jim is so focused on the sight of Bones’ tongue that he can’t answer the question. When he sees Bones smirk, he realizes that he’s staring.
“Gaila has adopted him, remember? I told you about it in the communication I sent the other day. Since a certain asshole doctor stuck me with the Orion babysitter from hell, I spent more time with the two of them this week than I ever wanted to,” he grumbles, pouting just a little for effect.
“I didn’t get any communication before I left. Must have just missed it.” He frowns before he glances at Jim and smirks. “There’s another asshole doctor in your life that I should know about?” Bones drawls. “Should I be jealous?”
“Don’t even try to play innocent, Bones. It never works. We’re talking about Gaila, remember? She told me about her promise to you.” Jim picks up one of the cakes and takes a bite. “They did help me smuggle Jess on-board, though, so I’ll forgive you this time.”
“You got Jess onto the Enterprise? Really?” Bones slowly smiles. “Only you, Jim.”
“Not on my own. They helped, and so did Scotty. You should hear him talking to Jess, though. Seems to think he can sweet talk her into liking him or something. She’s mine,” he says firmly before he takes another bite.
“You know, to be so loose with your affections, you’re surprisingly possessive,” Bones muses as he dips his finger into the icing on his cake.
Jim frowns at him. “So I’m not allowed to be jealous or care about things because I’ve fucked around a lot and enjoy sex?”
Bones looks at him and shrugs. “I didn’t say that, Jim. It’s just not something I expected based on how casual you’ve always been in the past when it comes to that sort of thing.”
“That sort of thing meaning sex. You still don’t think that I can be anything more than an oversexed slut, do you?” He hates the way that his voice breaks when he asks a question that he doesn’t even really want an answer to.
“Jim, it’s been a long week. Can we just not do this right now?” Bones asks. When Jim looks at him stubbornly, he curses. “Fuck. Fine. I do find it difficult to believe that you’d suddenly change after years of bouncing from one woman to another. The longest lasting relationship that you’ve had is with Jess, as far as I can tell, and I don’t really understand why I would be an exception to your general rule. Maybe I do keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, for you to get bored and move on, but I’d probably worry about that no matter what your past was.”
“You’re wrong. I’ve known you since before I ever bought Jess,” he points out, even though it doesn’t really matter. He leans forward and opens the bottle of whiskey, pouring himself a glass and drinking half of it in one gulp. “Sure, my past isn’t perfect, but I’ve never lied about any of it. And you keep saying that you trust me, but then you say shit like this that makes it seem impossible.”
“Give me some of that.” Bones takes the bottle and fills a glass. “I can trust you but still be concerned, Jim. Hell, you’ve muttered about more than one woman I’ve been around in the past few weeks, and I haven’t slept my way through the academy, so I’d think you know that it isn’t always rational.”
“Maybe it isn’t always easy to just be with one person--I honestly never thought I’d want to be, much less would try it--but life isn’t supposed to be simple. I’ve always had to work hard for anything that I’ve gotten, fuck those who think I was just handed this ship, and I’m working on this thing with you because it matters to me.” He strokes his thumb over the side of his glass. “Every time you make some remark about my past like I can’t change or you doubt that I can commit to this, it pisses me off.”
“We both have baggage, Jim. We also have issues that we’re trying to work out, whether it’s a fucked up past or irrational fears or whatever the fuck is making us crazy at any given moment,” Bones points out quietly. “This thing between us is new, not just because it’s more than friendship but, hell, neither of us has ever been with another man before, you’re a king of one night stands, and I was burned badly in a terrible divorce. It’s not going to be easy, and you might get pissed off, but so do I.”
Jim looks at Bones. “I’m not your ex-wife, Bones. Just because she fucked you over doesn’t mean that I’m going to treat you that way. I’m not good at this shit, but doesn’t it mean anything that I’m trying?”
“I know that,” Bones says tightly. He stares at his glass of whiskey and scowls. “I couldn’t satisfy her, so who am I to think that I can keep you happy? You could have just about anyone with a snap of your fingers.”
As he watches Bones, he gets a feeling that he’s missing something. He shifts on the sofa, moving closer to Bones, and considers it. “She cheated on you,” he says quietly. “You told me that you were faithful, but she wasn’t, was she?”
The nerve in Bones’ cheek twitches and his jaw tenses. Jim closes his eyes briefly because, damn it, this isn’t how he wanted their afternoon to go. Some food, bit of talking, maybe some lazy sex, but not a serious discussion about his promiscuity and Bones’ ex-wife. God, no wonder tried so hard to push him away. Jim’s just glad that he’s too stubborn to let go because he’s going to do everything he can to make sure that Bones doesn’t have to go through anything like that again. That woman didn’t deserve him, but Jim’s more than happy to benefit from her loss.
“Forget I asked,” he murmurs. “That’s in the past, and she’s not someone that I want to think about, much less talk about.” He leans over to brush his lips against Bones’ jaw, worried that maybe he pushed too hard again because Bones isn’t saying anything.
“Damn it, Jim. Just stop.” Bones pushes him away and leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees.
Jim bites his lip and tries to tell himself that Bones doesn’t mean to push him away. Hell, he worked with an admiral who is rumored to call in favors and play the games that Bones hates just to get onto the Enterprise sooner, so it isn’t like he doesn’t want Jim around. Still, it fucking hurts, all things considered. The earlier teasing has become this awkward silence and him feeling defensive about Bones’ doubts in him. Fuck. He puts his glass on the table and places his half-eaten cake back into the container before he stands up.
“Where’re you going?” Bones’ voice is low and rough, like the words are being pulled out of him against his wishes.
“Does it matter?” He’s suddenly feeling drained, as if the long hours of work this week have just caught up with him, and the fact that he and Bones are already arguing after only a few hours isn’t helping. When Bones doesn’t say anything, Jim sighs and walks around the partition separating his bed from the rest of the room. He crawls onto it and pulls a pillow under his head.
When the mattress dips behind him, Jim opens his eyes and focuses on the wall. He can feel Bones’ fingers lightly touching his back. This isn’t fair. Bones can’t just push him away because his ex-wife is a cheating bitch then come touch him like this whenever he wants. Jim considers telling him that, but he’s missed Bones this last week, and there’s still a part of him that can’t believe he’s really here to stay. Not after finally accepting that they’d be separated for a year.
“I know that you aren’t Jocelyn,” Bones whispers as he keeps touching Jim. “You’re younger and prettier and I’m not the same man that she fell in love with, so how can I expect you to want to be with me when you could have anyone you want?”
It’s what Bones said earlier, before Jim really understood or knew about what the ex had done. Now, he understands, and it’s frustrating because there’s not really anything he can say or do to prove himself, not when Bones seems so determined to distrust this whatever it is between them. This relationship, he corrects mentally, because, as scary as it is to label it, that’s what it is.
Bones moves his hand around to rest on Jim’s belly and spoons behind him, tightening his grip when Jim doesn’t pull away. “I keep thinking that it won’t hurt as much when I lose you if I’m prepared for it,” he admits quietly. His breath is warm against Jim’s shoulder, and he presses his lips lightly to the bare skin.
“We should be celebrating right now, you know?” Jim mutters as he moves his hand to rest on top of Bones’ hand. “You’ve been made CMO and I’m Captain, and you’re not stuck on that boring planet for a year doing nothing. If you know that I’m not the ex, then you should remember that I never knew you before you became a cynical, grumpy asshole. And you’re not the only one with issues, Bones. I keep wondering when you’re going to realize I’m just a loud-mouth loser with an attitude problem, albeit a sexy and attractive one, and get rid of me. The difference is that I’m still taking the chance on this thing, on you, and I’ll deal with the fallout if it happens.”
“Damn it, Jim. I’m here, aren’t I?” Bones says harshly. “I’m taking the chance, too.”
“If I can work on the whole commitment and monogamy thing, then can’t you try having some faith in this?” he asks softly. “I’m so tired of feeling like I need to defend my past when you knew, more than anyone, exactly what it was before you ever made that first move. I might flirt a lot, but it hasn’t gone beyond that since things changed between us.”
Bones pulls him closer and rubs his unshaven jaw against Jim’s shoulder, nuzzling his neck eventually. “I can try,” he eventually whispers. “I’m not very good at the optimistic faith shit, but things have oddly worked out well so far, so maybe your four leaf clover is starting to rub off on me, too.”
“Yeah, well, like you said. We both have fucked up pasts. I’m not the ex, but you’re also not the one night stands,” he points out. “It’s ridiculous how not like them you are, in fact. Not only am I not bored with the sex, but I even have dreams about you. We’re best friends, too, which makes it even better because it’s great to just be around you even when we’re not naked.” He snorts. “And I can’t believe that I can say that and really mean it.”
“Me either,” Bones says dryly before he nibbles on Jim’s neck. And, just like that, Jim knows that they’re okay again. He’s relieved, even if he knows that Bones’ issues with the ex-wife and potential cheating fears aren’t resolved yet. There’s really no way he can do anything to help with that, since Bones is the one who has to deal with it, just like Jim has to deal with his own personal demons. Maybe the fact that they’re able to talk about it, in their own way, will make it better. Jim’s tired of thinking about it.
“Asshole,” Jim says affectionately, smiling as he snuggles back against Bones. He yawns and squeezes Bones’ hand. “We should get back to the celebrating thing, but maybe after a nap. I’ve been awake for a while.”
“I haven’t been sleeping that well all week.” Bones moves his leg over Jim’s legs and holds him tighter. “Maybe after the nap, you can tell me more about how you got Jess on-board, and I can scold you for being a bad influence on the crew before the mission even starts.”
“Hey, you can’t blame me for that. But we should keep an eye on the kid. He reminds me of myself in that whole ‘being sneaky and getting into trouble’ way, only smart stuff instead of bar fights,” Jim tells him. “Not that I don’t have plenty of intelligent misdemeanors in my past, too.”
“Oh, great. He must be wayward if you think we need to watch out for him,” Bones grumbles. “You’ll have to tell--who did you choose for First Officer?”
“No one yet. I didn’t choose that or CMO or a couple of other minor positions because none of the applicants were suitable. Pike had fits, of course, but it’s my ship and my crew.”
“You’re holding out for the guy who tried to kill you, aren’t you?” Bones makes a disgusted noise. “Just because some time-traveling lunatic tells you that you’re best buddies with the guy in another world doesn’t mean he’s the best choice here.”
“I don’t particularly like Spock, which is actually a good thing, I think. What’s best for the ship is the most important thing, Bones. He’d make a good First Officer, if only because he won’t tolerate my bullshit. He’s like you in that way,” Jim says. “But he refused the offer, from what Pike said. Old Spock isn’t a lunatic, by the way. Kinda creepy and weird? Sure, but he’s not crazy. I don’t think.”
“Well, I don’t like it, not when he just tossed you off the ship for being an asshole,” Bones mutters. “However, I’ve learned to trust you and your instincts, even when I don’t agree with them.”
“You don’t like him because he reminds you of the time when you chose his side instead of mine,” Jim points out quietly. It’s something they haven’t talked about, but he knows Bones well enough to make a logical guess where that’s concerned. “I’ve forgiven you for that, Bones. It’s not like you really had much choice.”
Bones inhales and his arm tenses. “That’s not why,” he denies. “I just don’t trust him yet. Especially not where you’re concerned.”
“It doesn’t matter anyway. He said no, so I’ll probably have to choose another candidate in a couple of weeks. I’m just putting off making the decision for now. But, hell, I ended up getting you back, so who knows?” Jim squeezes Bones’ hand again as he yawns. “Too damn sleepy for it to be the afternoon back home.”
“Stop talking and take a nap,” Bones tells him before he kisses Jim’s neck tenderly. The gentleness is nice, and Jim feels content as Bones wraps himself around him even more. Jim smiles and closes his eyes, finally feeling like he’s home again.
End
Pointing: Recently, some people have done creative things for this series that make me bouncy and grin a lot, so I wanted to share them with everyone! nemoed has illustrated Chapter 1: Ride and Chapter 2: Push. mangotrills has illustrated Chapter 1: Ride. kayim has created a fanmix for the series here. wickedground has created fanfic covers for the series here *ZOMG bounces way too much*
#35: Reprimand | #37: Diagnosis