Fic: Restless Night (Kirk/McCoy)
Title: Restless Night
Pairing: Kirk/McCoy
Summary: Jim can’t sleep after fighting with Bones
Rating: Adult/R
Word Count: 3285
A/N: #14 in the Two Men & a Starship series. Follows Knock Out Thank you to everyone who reads/comments! Note: There won’t be any new posts of this series until next week. I have a friend visiting from overseas this weekend, so I’m taking a brief break in posting in case my schedule is weird.
Sleeping is impossible. It’s only a few hours until Alpha shift begins, and Jim hasn’t been able to sleep at all. He’s spent the entire night tossing and turning and kicking his covers and thinking too much. Even after all that, he still doesn’t understand what pissed Bones off or why he left so abruptly. Well, he knows that it’s because of his request to go dirtside tomorrow. Today. Whatever. But he isn’t sure why that set Bones off. Everything has been going pretty well since they talked and got the air cleared. Sure, it’s not all perfect, but it’s been working for them. Now, he doesn’t really know what’s going on.
The brief conversation they had that led to Bones leaving keeps replaying in his head. Bones seems to think that he was trying to use their relationship to pressure him, which makes no sense at all. Jim can’t remember doing anything to indicate that he was making such an insinuation. Besides that, Bones wouldn’t even listen. He said no as soon as Jim mentioned his request. How can that be professional? It’s like he wants to get after Jim for having tantrums only to then turn around and do the same thing.
Jim kicks his sheets again and rolls over onto his back. Bones doesn’t really have fits. Not without a reason. That’s not saying that he doesn’t have reasons for the ones he has, even if he might not know exactly what they are at the time, but Bones isn’t really like that. Maybe that’s why he can’t just let it go and get some sleep. If Bones left, there’s got to be a reason. Jim just can’t see it yet. It could be the whole professional versus personal thing. That’s pretty complex on a good day, after all, when they’re keeping things private and in such positions of authority.
But it isn’t like he was promising to suck Bones’ cock in exchange for permission to go to Scorching Monotony. He didn’t cross any lines like that. If Bones said no after seriously giving the request some thought, he would have accepted it. He might not have been happy about it, but he trusts Bones’ opinion as a doctor more than he feels a need for closure of sorts. And, okay, maybe he knows that it’s too soon to go off and roam around proven dangerous planets, but he gets ideas and he just runs with them. He puts thought into it when necessary, but he generally just trusts his instincts. His instincts are telling him that it’d be good to go face the scene of the crime, so to speak, so he can shrug off this injury and move on without going into the next mission with any doubts about his abilities.
Why can’t Bones understand that? He didn’t even try to see where Jim’s coming from before he swelled up and refused. Jim frowns at the dark ceiling as he replays the conversation again. He never really explained why he wanted to go down there again, he realizes. It’s not like he wants to admit that he’s concerned that his luck might have run out or something, considering his first real venture as captain resulted in injuries and a recovery period. This is Bones, though, and he should be able to say those things without feeling awkward and weird. Hell, it’s not like discussing a lack of erections is probably easy for Bones.
Thinking back, he has to admit that he got annoyed at the blunt refusal and became stubborn relatively quickly. Too busy trying to get Bones to see his way without really listening to what Bones was saying. Or wasn’t saying, since that’s usually more appropriate when it comes to Bones. They’re doing better with talking and all, but Bones’ default is to get quiet and not use words to communicate how he feels. Jim usually remembers that and takes it into consideration, but there are times when he just doesn’t.
Like tonight. Last night. He reaches up and presses the heel of his palm against his right eye. Damn it. Now that he’s thinking back to it and looking at it with different parameters, he realizes that Bones was honestly worried. Sure, the injury has been a pain in the ass, but it’s not like Jim’s the one who sat for nearly two days staring at his unconscious body. That was Bones. Bones who had to wait and watch and worry. Bones who admitted that he’d been scared the damage might have been too much for him to repair. Bones who doesn’t want to risk having to go through that all over again.
“Fuck.” There’s a possibility that he’s wrong. He has been obsessing over the argument for hours now while trying to sleep. It makes a lot more sense than Bones getting annoyed at him for flirting while they talked, though. One reason that Jim’s really trying hard to keep to light duty, despite feeling much better, is because he knows Bones wouldn’t have restricted him unless it was necessary. He just didn’t think that a brief trip to the planet would be a great risk. It is to Bones, especially after the initial injuries.
After thinking about it a little longer, he’s pretty sure that’s why Bones got angry and left. Thinking that Jim didn’t care about getting better if he could go take more risks. Another fucking miscommunication. Only, this time, it’s mostly his fault for pushing and not paying attention. He was thinking about facing the doubts for himself without considering how Bones would feel. There are going to be situations in the future when Jim knows that he won’t be able to be considerate or weigh Bones’ opinion on things before making decisions. This isn’t one of those. This is more a matter of pride than anything else, and it’s caused Bones to storm off and for things to get weird again.
“Damn it. Damn it. Damn it,” he mutters as he rolls off the bed. He isn’t going to be able to get any rest now that he’s got a pretty good idea what really happened earlier. The date had gone so well, overall, and it ended terribly because of some stupid impulsive idea. He goes into the bathroom and takes a shower, trying to be quiet because Athos is sleeping. When he finishes, he puts on his uniform and looks at the chronometer. It’s way too early to start his shift, which is good because that’ll give him time to talk to Bones.
Jim grabs his PADD and leaves his quarters. There are a few people awake at this time of day, but not many. He walks past one in the corridor and sees others walking ahead of him, but he’s glad that no one else is on the turbolift down to Bones’ deck. Since he doesn’t want to do anything that seems suspicious, he just treats this like any normal visit. Sure, it’s ridiculously early in the morning and Bones is probably sleeping, but he’s just a captain dropping by to discuss something with his CMO. If he thinks anything differently, it might come across in how he acts.
By the time he reaches Bones’ quarters, he’s even more determined to get this argument settled. It’s unlikely that either of them will be able to not just storm off when angry, since he did it earlier, too, but not saying anything or making an effort is what led to two months of complete hell without Bones actively in his life. If this requires him admitting that he was wrong, then he’s going to have to suck it up and accept part of the blame.
Of course, now that he’s standing at Bones’ door, he realizes that he doesn’t really have a plan. He didn’t get beyond ‘go talk to Bones’ in that part of things. Well, he’s here now, so he’ll just have to wing it. Since it’s so late, he doesn’t want to use the chime. Besides, if Bones is still mad at him, he’d probably ignore it. He types in the security code and steps inside when the door slides open. It closes behind him, leaving him in the dark room.
“Who’s there? Jim?” Bones’ voice is thick and low, like he’s just woken up.
“Should I be jealous that you even have to ask?” he murmurs as he makes his way through the dark room to Bones’ bed.
“What’re you doing here?” Bones asks, making no move to turn on a light. “And you know that you’re the only person with access to my quarters, so stop being foolish with that jealousy nonsense.”
Jim kicks off his shoes and pulls his gold shirt over his head. “Couldn’t sleep,” he grumbles, wondering how Bones is able to when they’re fighting.
“’m mad at you,” Bones mutters as covers rustle. “Asshole.”
“I know.” Jim unfastens his pants and shoves them down but doesn’t take off his underwear. “I’m sorry. Wasn’t thinking earlier.”
“’m sorry, too.” Bones yawns. “Keep your socks on. Your feet are cold.”
“Are not,” he denies as he kneels on the bed and crawls closer to Bones. He keeps his socks on, though. “Need to talk about the fight.”
“Not now, Jim. Too tired, and shift starts in a few hours,” Bones is lying on his side facing the wall, so Jim moves up behind him. “Go to sleep.”
“Brought my PADD, so it’d look like we’re working if anyone noticed me.” He snuggles closer, listening to the sounds that Bones makes to make sure that this is okay. “Just had to come down to see you. Too much thinking.”
“Your brain’s not used to that,” Bones mumbles, and Jim smiles slightly at the sleepy teasing. He presses his lips against Bones’ shoulderblade and moves his arm around his waist, listening to the sigh that Bones makes. It’s a good sigh, so he tightens his grip and kisses more of the warm skin. “Sleep, Jim. Talk in the mornin’.”
“Okay.” He closes his eyes and listens to the sound of Bones breathing, letting it lull him into sleep.
When Jim wakes up, it takes him a couple of minutes to orientate himself. This isn’t his bed, which is the only place he’s slept for a couple of months, not counting the days in medical. The sound of soft snoring coming from behind him reminds him of where he is and how he got here. At some point, they’ve reversed positions. Bones is spooning him, an arm around his waist and warm breaths against his back as Bones sleeps.
There’s something else pressing into him. Jim wiggles his ass slightly, just to make sure. It’s definitely an erection, nestled up against him. Bones shifts, rubbing his leg over Jim’s as he makes a snoring-groaning noise that Jim hasn’t heard since they left the academy. Does this mean that Bones is cured? If so, why didn’t them sharing a bed after he got released from medical do the same thing?
Bones is rocking against his ass slowly, which makes it tough to think about impotence. Besides that, he’s hard, getting harder with every press of Bones’ dick into his ass. Jim carefully reaches down and slides his hand into his underwear. As he begins to stroke himself, he licks his lips, pushing back into Bones. It’s not really what he wants, to fuck his hand and let Bones come in his underwear. Not after it’s been so long. Not if Bones is really fixed.
He opens his eyes, removing his hand from his cock and carefully extricating himself from Bones’ embrace. It’s too dark to clearly see Bones’ face, but he can tell that Bones is still sleeping. He’s breathing hard, snoring occasionally, and he rolls onto his back when Jim moves away. After waiting a moment to determine whether Bones is going to wake up or not, Jim moves closer. A quick touch confirms that Bones is still hard, so he pulls the underwear out of the way and leans down.
This is something he’s missed. The feel of Bones against his tongue, the tangy taste of his pre-come, the solid heat of his dick in his mouth. Jim licks him from balls to tip, swirls his tongue around the head, laps at the slit, then sucks. Bones makes a noise and moves, but Jim keeps sucking as he grinds his own erection into the mattress. Bones’ thighs are firm beneath Jim’s fingers, and he grips them harder as he moves his head up and down.
Bones’ thighs tense before his cock begins to soften in Jim’s mouth. He doesn’t understand what’s happening because Bones hasn’t come yet. He sucks harder, relaxing his throat to try to get more of the length in his mouth. When he feels fingers against the back of his head, he knows that Bones has woken up. The lights are turned on at half-light, and he looks up to see Bones blinking sleepily down at him.
“Jim, stop,” Bones murmurs, pushing on Jim’s shoulder with his other hand.
He doesn’t want to stop. Not when Bones is supposed to be fixed. He felt the erection, had it in his mouth, and it’ll come back. He just has to keep trying. When he curls his tongue around Bones’ dick, he can feel it twitch, so he keeps doing that, sucking and curling and moving his head faster until Bones growls and pushes him harder.
“Damn it, Jim. Enough,” he says, his tone breaking before he finishes. The hand on Jim’s shoulder squeezes, pushing again to get him away.
When Bones growls his name again, not in a sexy ‘keep going’ way, Jim raises his head and lets Bones’ limp cock slide out of his mouth. “You were fixed,” he whispers hoarsely. “I woke up and felt you and I had to taste you.”
Bones sighs and closes his eyes, tilting his head back against the pillow. “Morning reaction. It doesn’t--I’m not cured, Jim. I woke up and it felt so damn good but it didn’t fucking last. It never lasts.”
The frustration and anger is evident in his voice, and Jim flinches because there’s not a damn thing he can do to make this better. His efforts just failed completely. It’s hard not to feel raw and hurt that Bones can’t stay hard when he wakes up and sees him. If he had just let Bones continue grinding into his ass, would he have come? He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and moves from his spot between Bones’ legs. When he lies beside Bones, he reaches out to touch his face, only to have his hand swatted away. “Bones, it’s going to be okay.”
“Don’t,” Bones warns in a low tone. He sits up and gets out of bed, running his hand over his face. “Don’t try to placate me, Jim. I can’t handle this right now.”
“I’m trying to support you, asshole,” he says tightly. He sits up and wraps his arms around his knees. “If this were reversed, you can’t tell me that you’d just leave me alone and let me deal with it on my own.” He bites his tongue to keep from pointing out that this isn’t easy on him, that the consistent rejection and fact that Bones doesn’t seem to want Jim to touch him is difficult to deal with after a while. He’s tired and upset but this is about Bones, not him.
“That’s not the same. What are you even doing here, anyway?” Bones goes into the bathroom without giving him any time to answer, and Jim can hear him pissing. This is worth the effort, he reminds himself as he listens to the toilet flush followed by the sound of water as Bones washes his hands.
When he hears Bones come back into the room, he looks up at him. “I’m here because I couldn’t sleep. We argued last night. I came by a few hours ago. You said I could stay, remember?” He bites his lip and rests his chin on his knees. “I’m wearing socks.”
Bones rubs the back of his neck and walks to the bed. “I remember. You want to run off and get yourself hurt on that damn planet,” he mutters, sitting down facing Jim. He reaches over and tugs on the end of Jim’s sock.
“I want to go down and show myself that it was just a mission gone wrong instead of bad luck or something,” he admits quietly. He smiles wryly. “I think that four leaf clover must have got lost between the academy and the Enterprise.”
“It was an accident, not some bad luck curse.” Bones moves his hand higher, stroking Jim’s calf lightly. The nerve in his cheek twitches as he studies Jim. “Sorry about all this. Wouldn’t blame you if you just--“
“What? Gave up because it’s a little rough right now?” Jim challenges, glaring slightly. “Is that what you think I’m going to do?”
“You’re too stubborn to give up,” Bones tells him. He licks his lips as he slowly shakes his head. “But, no, I honestly don’t think you’re going to.”
“Don’t sound so damn surprised.” He reaches down and pushes Bones’ hand off of his leg, entwining their fingers together. “I won’t go back down there. Not just because I’m still on light duty but because it worries you.”
Bones drags his thumb along his palm. “No, Jim. If it’s really important, I’ll consider it, as your doctor. I might have let my personal feelings get the better of me when you initially asked.”
“It isn’t that important,” he says honestly. “There are going to be plenty of times in the future when there isn’t a choice. We were arguing over something stupid.”
“I don’t want to be a reason that you restrain yourself,” Bones insists. “I don’t want you doing stupid shit and getting hurt, but I’m not going to keep you on a leash because I worry about you getting hurt.”
“Have to say, leashes haven’t appeared in any of the fantasies I’ve had about you,” Jim admits, trying to lighten the situation. Bones rolls his eyes but doesn’t relax. Jim looks at him seriously. “Doctor McCoy, is it a risk for me to go down there when I’m still on light duty?”
“Yes, it is, especially when they’ve found definite properties in the atmosphere that affect human biological functions,” Bones says matter-of-factly. He’s using his ‘I’m a clever doctor’ tone, which is professional and bluntly honest.
“Then there’s my answer. It’s not you keeping me from doing something. It’s the smart choice if I want to continue a steady recovery.” He shrugs and glances down at Bones’ lap before looking back up. “Can we talk about what happened this morning?”
“Nothing happened.” Bones laughs dryly. “That’s the problem, isn’t it?”
“I’m trying, Bones,” he whispers, tightening his grip on Bones’ hand.
“I know, kid. I am, too,” Bones murmurs. He leans forward and brushes his lips against Jim’s. “Shift starts soon.”
“Yeah.” Jim sighs and kisses him back slowly. When he pulls back, he smiles slightly. “Better get dressed and get to work.” There’s really no use pushing right now, not when Bones is still raw over what happened, too.
“Bit risky coming here so early and sleeping with me.” Bones brushes Jim’s hair back from his forehead, his fingers lingering.
“We were working early, though I doubt anyone really pays us as much attention as we figure they do,” he tells him. “Honestly, it doesn’t really matter. It was worth it.”
End
#13: Knock Out | #15: Friendly Conversation
Pairing: Kirk/McCoy
Summary: Jim can’t sleep after fighting with Bones
Rating: Adult/R
Word Count: 3285
A/N: #14 in the Two Men & a Starship series. Follows Knock Out Thank you to everyone who reads/comments! Note: There won’t be any new posts of this series until next week. I have a friend visiting from overseas this weekend, so I’m taking a brief break in posting in case my schedule is weird.
Sleeping is impossible. It’s only a few hours until Alpha shift begins, and Jim hasn’t been able to sleep at all. He’s spent the entire night tossing and turning and kicking his covers and thinking too much. Even after all that, he still doesn’t understand what pissed Bones off or why he left so abruptly. Well, he knows that it’s because of his request to go dirtside tomorrow. Today. Whatever. But he isn’t sure why that set Bones off. Everything has been going pretty well since they talked and got the air cleared. Sure, it’s not all perfect, but it’s been working for them. Now, he doesn’t really know what’s going on.
The brief conversation they had that led to Bones leaving keeps replaying in his head. Bones seems to think that he was trying to use their relationship to pressure him, which makes no sense at all. Jim can’t remember doing anything to indicate that he was making such an insinuation. Besides that, Bones wouldn’t even listen. He said no as soon as Jim mentioned his request. How can that be professional? It’s like he wants to get after Jim for having tantrums only to then turn around and do the same thing.
Jim kicks his sheets again and rolls over onto his back. Bones doesn’t really have fits. Not without a reason. That’s not saying that he doesn’t have reasons for the ones he has, even if he might not know exactly what they are at the time, but Bones isn’t really like that. Maybe that’s why he can’t just let it go and get some sleep. If Bones left, there’s got to be a reason. Jim just can’t see it yet. It could be the whole professional versus personal thing. That’s pretty complex on a good day, after all, when they’re keeping things private and in such positions of authority.
But it isn’t like he was promising to suck Bones’ cock in exchange for permission to go to Scorching Monotony. He didn’t cross any lines like that. If Bones said no after seriously giving the request some thought, he would have accepted it. He might not have been happy about it, but he trusts Bones’ opinion as a doctor more than he feels a need for closure of sorts. And, okay, maybe he knows that it’s too soon to go off and roam around proven dangerous planets, but he gets ideas and he just runs with them. He puts thought into it when necessary, but he generally just trusts his instincts. His instincts are telling him that it’d be good to go face the scene of the crime, so to speak, so he can shrug off this injury and move on without going into the next mission with any doubts about his abilities.
Why can’t Bones understand that? He didn’t even try to see where Jim’s coming from before he swelled up and refused. Jim frowns at the dark ceiling as he replays the conversation again. He never really explained why he wanted to go down there again, he realizes. It’s not like he wants to admit that he’s concerned that his luck might have run out or something, considering his first real venture as captain resulted in injuries and a recovery period. This is Bones, though, and he should be able to say those things without feeling awkward and weird. Hell, it’s not like discussing a lack of erections is probably easy for Bones.
Thinking back, he has to admit that he got annoyed at the blunt refusal and became stubborn relatively quickly. Too busy trying to get Bones to see his way without really listening to what Bones was saying. Or wasn’t saying, since that’s usually more appropriate when it comes to Bones. They’re doing better with talking and all, but Bones’ default is to get quiet and not use words to communicate how he feels. Jim usually remembers that and takes it into consideration, but there are times when he just doesn’t.
Like tonight. Last night. He reaches up and presses the heel of his palm against his right eye. Damn it. Now that he’s thinking back to it and looking at it with different parameters, he realizes that Bones was honestly worried. Sure, the injury has been a pain in the ass, but it’s not like Jim’s the one who sat for nearly two days staring at his unconscious body. That was Bones. Bones who had to wait and watch and worry. Bones who admitted that he’d been scared the damage might have been too much for him to repair. Bones who doesn’t want to risk having to go through that all over again.
“Fuck.” There’s a possibility that he’s wrong. He has been obsessing over the argument for hours now while trying to sleep. It makes a lot more sense than Bones getting annoyed at him for flirting while they talked, though. One reason that Jim’s really trying hard to keep to light duty, despite feeling much better, is because he knows Bones wouldn’t have restricted him unless it was necessary. He just didn’t think that a brief trip to the planet would be a great risk. It is to Bones, especially after the initial injuries.
After thinking about it a little longer, he’s pretty sure that’s why Bones got angry and left. Thinking that Jim didn’t care about getting better if he could go take more risks. Another fucking miscommunication. Only, this time, it’s mostly his fault for pushing and not paying attention. He was thinking about facing the doubts for himself without considering how Bones would feel. There are going to be situations in the future when Jim knows that he won’t be able to be considerate or weigh Bones’ opinion on things before making decisions. This isn’t one of those. This is more a matter of pride than anything else, and it’s caused Bones to storm off and for things to get weird again.
“Damn it. Damn it. Damn it,” he mutters as he rolls off the bed. He isn’t going to be able to get any rest now that he’s got a pretty good idea what really happened earlier. The date had gone so well, overall, and it ended terribly because of some stupid impulsive idea. He goes into the bathroom and takes a shower, trying to be quiet because Athos is sleeping. When he finishes, he puts on his uniform and looks at the chronometer. It’s way too early to start his shift, which is good because that’ll give him time to talk to Bones.
Jim grabs his PADD and leaves his quarters. There are a few people awake at this time of day, but not many. He walks past one in the corridor and sees others walking ahead of him, but he’s glad that no one else is on the turbolift down to Bones’ deck. Since he doesn’t want to do anything that seems suspicious, he just treats this like any normal visit. Sure, it’s ridiculously early in the morning and Bones is probably sleeping, but he’s just a captain dropping by to discuss something with his CMO. If he thinks anything differently, it might come across in how he acts.
By the time he reaches Bones’ quarters, he’s even more determined to get this argument settled. It’s unlikely that either of them will be able to not just storm off when angry, since he did it earlier, too, but not saying anything or making an effort is what led to two months of complete hell without Bones actively in his life. If this requires him admitting that he was wrong, then he’s going to have to suck it up and accept part of the blame.
Of course, now that he’s standing at Bones’ door, he realizes that he doesn’t really have a plan. He didn’t get beyond ‘go talk to Bones’ in that part of things. Well, he’s here now, so he’ll just have to wing it. Since it’s so late, he doesn’t want to use the chime. Besides, if Bones is still mad at him, he’d probably ignore it. He types in the security code and steps inside when the door slides open. It closes behind him, leaving him in the dark room.
“Who’s there? Jim?” Bones’ voice is thick and low, like he’s just woken up.
“Should I be jealous that you even have to ask?” he murmurs as he makes his way through the dark room to Bones’ bed.
“What’re you doing here?” Bones asks, making no move to turn on a light. “And you know that you’re the only person with access to my quarters, so stop being foolish with that jealousy nonsense.”
Jim kicks off his shoes and pulls his gold shirt over his head. “Couldn’t sleep,” he grumbles, wondering how Bones is able to when they’re fighting.
“’m mad at you,” Bones mutters as covers rustle. “Asshole.”
“I know.” Jim unfastens his pants and shoves them down but doesn’t take off his underwear. “I’m sorry. Wasn’t thinking earlier.”
“’m sorry, too.” Bones yawns. “Keep your socks on. Your feet are cold.”
“Are not,” he denies as he kneels on the bed and crawls closer to Bones. He keeps his socks on, though. “Need to talk about the fight.”
“Not now, Jim. Too tired, and shift starts in a few hours,” Bones is lying on his side facing the wall, so Jim moves up behind him. “Go to sleep.”
“Brought my PADD, so it’d look like we’re working if anyone noticed me.” He snuggles closer, listening to the sounds that Bones makes to make sure that this is okay. “Just had to come down to see you. Too much thinking.”
“Your brain’s not used to that,” Bones mumbles, and Jim smiles slightly at the sleepy teasing. He presses his lips against Bones’ shoulderblade and moves his arm around his waist, listening to the sigh that Bones makes. It’s a good sigh, so he tightens his grip and kisses more of the warm skin. “Sleep, Jim. Talk in the mornin’.”
“Okay.” He closes his eyes and listens to the sound of Bones breathing, letting it lull him into sleep.
When Jim wakes up, it takes him a couple of minutes to orientate himself. This isn’t his bed, which is the only place he’s slept for a couple of months, not counting the days in medical. The sound of soft snoring coming from behind him reminds him of where he is and how he got here. At some point, they’ve reversed positions. Bones is spooning him, an arm around his waist and warm breaths against his back as Bones sleeps.
There’s something else pressing into him. Jim wiggles his ass slightly, just to make sure. It’s definitely an erection, nestled up against him. Bones shifts, rubbing his leg over Jim’s as he makes a snoring-groaning noise that Jim hasn’t heard since they left the academy. Does this mean that Bones is cured? If so, why didn’t them sharing a bed after he got released from medical do the same thing?
Bones is rocking against his ass slowly, which makes it tough to think about impotence. Besides that, he’s hard, getting harder with every press of Bones’ dick into his ass. Jim carefully reaches down and slides his hand into his underwear. As he begins to stroke himself, he licks his lips, pushing back into Bones. It’s not really what he wants, to fuck his hand and let Bones come in his underwear. Not after it’s been so long. Not if Bones is really fixed.
He opens his eyes, removing his hand from his cock and carefully extricating himself from Bones’ embrace. It’s too dark to clearly see Bones’ face, but he can tell that Bones is still sleeping. He’s breathing hard, snoring occasionally, and he rolls onto his back when Jim moves away. After waiting a moment to determine whether Bones is going to wake up or not, Jim moves closer. A quick touch confirms that Bones is still hard, so he pulls the underwear out of the way and leans down.
This is something he’s missed. The feel of Bones against his tongue, the tangy taste of his pre-come, the solid heat of his dick in his mouth. Jim licks him from balls to tip, swirls his tongue around the head, laps at the slit, then sucks. Bones makes a noise and moves, but Jim keeps sucking as he grinds his own erection into the mattress. Bones’ thighs are firm beneath Jim’s fingers, and he grips them harder as he moves his head up and down.
Bones’ thighs tense before his cock begins to soften in Jim’s mouth. He doesn’t understand what’s happening because Bones hasn’t come yet. He sucks harder, relaxing his throat to try to get more of the length in his mouth. When he feels fingers against the back of his head, he knows that Bones has woken up. The lights are turned on at half-light, and he looks up to see Bones blinking sleepily down at him.
“Jim, stop,” Bones murmurs, pushing on Jim’s shoulder with his other hand.
He doesn’t want to stop. Not when Bones is supposed to be fixed. He felt the erection, had it in his mouth, and it’ll come back. He just has to keep trying. When he curls his tongue around Bones’ dick, he can feel it twitch, so he keeps doing that, sucking and curling and moving his head faster until Bones growls and pushes him harder.
“Damn it, Jim. Enough,” he says, his tone breaking before he finishes. The hand on Jim’s shoulder squeezes, pushing again to get him away.
When Bones growls his name again, not in a sexy ‘keep going’ way, Jim raises his head and lets Bones’ limp cock slide out of his mouth. “You were fixed,” he whispers hoarsely. “I woke up and felt you and I had to taste you.”
Bones sighs and closes his eyes, tilting his head back against the pillow. “Morning reaction. It doesn’t--I’m not cured, Jim. I woke up and it felt so damn good but it didn’t fucking last. It never lasts.”
The frustration and anger is evident in his voice, and Jim flinches because there’s not a damn thing he can do to make this better. His efforts just failed completely. It’s hard not to feel raw and hurt that Bones can’t stay hard when he wakes up and sees him. If he had just let Bones continue grinding into his ass, would he have come? He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and moves from his spot between Bones’ legs. When he lies beside Bones, he reaches out to touch his face, only to have his hand swatted away. “Bones, it’s going to be okay.”
“Don’t,” Bones warns in a low tone. He sits up and gets out of bed, running his hand over his face. “Don’t try to placate me, Jim. I can’t handle this right now.”
“I’m trying to support you, asshole,” he says tightly. He sits up and wraps his arms around his knees. “If this were reversed, you can’t tell me that you’d just leave me alone and let me deal with it on my own.” He bites his tongue to keep from pointing out that this isn’t easy on him, that the consistent rejection and fact that Bones doesn’t seem to want Jim to touch him is difficult to deal with after a while. He’s tired and upset but this is about Bones, not him.
“That’s not the same. What are you even doing here, anyway?” Bones goes into the bathroom without giving him any time to answer, and Jim can hear him pissing. This is worth the effort, he reminds himself as he listens to the toilet flush followed by the sound of water as Bones washes his hands.
When he hears Bones come back into the room, he looks up at him. “I’m here because I couldn’t sleep. We argued last night. I came by a few hours ago. You said I could stay, remember?” He bites his lip and rests his chin on his knees. “I’m wearing socks.”
Bones rubs the back of his neck and walks to the bed. “I remember. You want to run off and get yourself hurt on that damn planet,” he mutters, sitting down facing Jim. He reaches over and tugs on the end of Jim’s sock.
“I want to go down and show myself that it was just a mission gone wrong instead of bad luck or something,” he admits quietly. He smiles wryly. “I think that four leaf clover must have got lost between the academy and the Enterprise.”
“It was an accident, not some bad luck curse.” Bones moves his hand higher, stroking Jim’s calf lightly. The nerve in his cheek twitches as he studies Jim. “Sorry about all this. Wouldn’t blame you if you just--“
“What? Gave up because it’s a little rough right now?” Jim challenges, glaring slightly. “Is that what you think I’m going to do?”
“You’re too stubborn to give up,” Bones tells him. He licks his lips as he slowly shakes his head. “But, no, I honestly don’t think you’re going to.”
“Don’t sound so damn surprised.” He reaches down and pushes Bones’ hand off of his leg, entwining their fingers together. “I won’t go back down there. Not just because I’m still on light duty but because it worries you.”
Bones drags his thumb along his palm. “No, Jim. If it’s really important, I’ll consider it, as your doctor. I might have let my personal feelings get the better of me when you initially asked.”
“It isn’t that important,” he says honestly. “There are going to be plenty of times in the future when there isn’t a choice. We were arguing over something stupid.”
“I don’t want to be a reason that you restrain yourself,” Bones insists. “I don’t want you doing stupid shit and getting hurt, but I’m not going to keep you on a leash because I worry about you getting hurt.”
“Have to say, leashes haven’t appeared in any of the fantasies I’ve had about you,” Jim admits, trying to lighten the situation. Bones rolls his eyes but doesn’t relax. Jim looks at him seriously. “Doctor McCoy, is it a risk for me to go down there when I’m still on light duty?”
“Yes, it is, especially when they’ve found definite properties in the atmosphere that affect human biological functions,” Bones says matter-of-factly. He’s using his ‘I’m a clever doctor’ tone, which is professional and bluntly honest.
“Then there’s my answer. It’s not you keeping me from doing something. It’s the smart choice if I want to continue a steady recovery.” He shrugs and glances down at Bones’ lap before looking back up. “Can we talk about what happened this morning?”
“Nothing happened.” Bones laughs dryly. “That’s the problem, isn’t it?”
“I’m trying, Bones,” he whispers, tightening his grip on Bones’ hand.
“I know, kid. I am, too,” Bones murmurs. He leans forward and brushes his lips against Jim’s. “Shift starts soon.”
“Yeah.” Jim sighs and kisses him back slowly. When he pulls back, he smiles slightly. “Better get dressed and get to work.” There’s really no use pushing right now, not when Bones is still raw over what happened, too.
“Bit risky coming here so early and sleeping with me.” Bones brushes Jim’s hair back from his forehead, his fingers lingering.
“We were working early, though I doubt anyone really pays us as much attention as we figure they do,” he tells him. “Honestly, it doesn’t really matter. It was worth it.”
End
#13: Knock Out | #15: Friendly Conversation