Something Fell

[infanttyrone]

I've been having these weird sort of 'fits' over the last few months. The first couple times it happened, I just assumed that it was brought on by the various psychoactive drugs my doctors had prescribed. But as each of them failed and I stopped taking them, the fits continued. They mostly happen as I'm waking up: sometimes in the morning, but

Comments

[santaprudencia]

I have out of body type of experiences a lot, but in my case it's because of the anxiety disorder -- I get so freaked out and wound up with worry that I can't remember anything for pretty good stretches when it turns into panic attack. I'm no shrink, but it could be you're having a variation on a panic problem. Also, any meds you try can takes ages to leave your body, so it could be your chemistry's just readjusting. Rest assured though, you are far too young for dementia.

[infanttyrone]

I hope your right, and that it's residual drug traces. The other options are all too creepy (the onset of dementia) or implausible (some kind of soul-swapping.) My logical mind knows it's got to be some kind of variation on anxiety or a new bizarre kind of deja vu, and a psychologist would be able to tell me more than a spiritualist. But to be totally honest, you know what it feels like? Like there was a junction in my youth, probably in the early teen years, where I could have gone one of two seperate ways, and now that Me and this Me are swapping bodies.

[santaprudencia]

Well, honey, sounds like the makings of a novel. But seriously, if it gets any worse, get yourself to a county hospital ER and get checked out if you don't have insurance. Even if it's panic attacks there are non-drug ways of dealing with those (cognitive behavioral therapy, acupuncture, etc), and you may want to guzzle extra water to get the whatnot out of your system.

[infanttyrone]

It's pleasantly similar to something I would make up, actually. I feel I'm uniquely suited to figuring out what the actual problem is and solving it, since I always make up jive like this and inflict it on my imagined characters. Except for them it usually is something eerie and metaphysical. For me in real life, it's probably just left-over drugs and/or the onset of Lewy Body Dementia (a cherished family heirloom.)

[dorothy_parka]

have your blood sugar checked, and see a doctor! get an MRI.

[infanttyrone]

MRIs don't come cheap, and since I don't have insurance anymore, I've got to wait until a bone is sticking out somewhere.

[dorothy_parka]

ohhhh, no insurance. ouch. try the blood sugar, tho. i've heard of this happening with hypoglycemia, which is easily controlled without medication. if you know any diabetics, ask them to let you use their little machine. I think 70-80 is normal, and below 65 is considered hypoglycemic. i occassionally get that weird detached feeling, but usually i just get shaky. next time it happens, have some OJ and see if that fixes it.

also, it's pretty common for blood sugar to drop during sleep, which would explain the confusion when you wake up.

[infanttyrone]

The memory loss doesn't last very long, it's the accompanying sense of being in the wrong body, in the wrong life-- that's what lingers. That and the panic.
I think when I still had insurance, they tested me for diabetes, but I don't know about the hypoglycemia. (It's one of those disorders that anybody and everybody grants themselves to excuse assholic behavior: "If I don't get served right away, I'm going to throw a fit!")
And in re: blood sugar dropping during sleep-- from now on I'll keep a bucket of caramel corn next to the bed, and just reach in and gobble down a handful when I roll over.

[profane_stencil]

I've had episodes like that since I was 10. That's 32 years, and they haven't really increased in frequency or length or severity. I don't have a family history of dementia, but chemical imbalances go a long way back. I wasn't doing any drugs (prescription or non) for the first several years, so that can't be the cause. I've never really looked too deeply at it- mostly because the episodes are so scary. And because I can sometimes trigger one by thinking about it.

Over the years, I developed a technique for ending the episodes- I remind myself of something difficult or worrisome in my "real" life (say, for instance, owing a ton of money to the IRS), and I get jerked back to "myself."

Thanks for writing about this. Now I'm going to go forget the whole thing.