Supernatural: Well, It's a Life
Title: Well, It’s a Life
Fandom: Supernatural
Characters/Pairings: Smith/Wesson, brief Sam Winchester/Dean Smith, light Sam/Dean Winchester, Zachariah
Genre: AU, Drama
Rating: PG-13 for Slashy Content
Word Count: 2,996
Author’s Note: Written for spnland’s “What If” AU challenge. I wrote an AU about the AU episode-I know, my originality is astonishing! < / sarcasm > Beta’d by the goddess of all things sparkly and wonderful. Also, this is the first AU I’ve ever written! \o/ ETA 5/7/2013: Thanks to eos_rose, you can now read this in epub format here.
Summary: It’s a Terrible Life AU: What if the angels had forced Dean to figure out who he was by himself while he was still Dean Smith? Would he choose to go back to being Dean Winchester? And how would the experience change him?
It was weird, being around Sam. Or maybe it was just a weird new life, all of this ghost hunting business, and Sam just so happened to be a part of that. But if Dean was being honest…he was pretty sure it was Sam.
The stuff that was supposed to be really disturbing (ghosts are real, so are monsters, and demons, and pretty much everything except for the tooth fairy), all of that had been pretty easy to get past. Dean didn’t feel weird about it…he felt right. Not that it was fun, or glamorous, or offered any of the perks his comfortable life had offered, that’s not why it felt right. It just was exactly what Dean was always supposed to be doing.
But…Sam. It wasn’t even that he was attracted to Sam when he’d never been attracted to a man before. You spend that much time with someone, it could happen. It wasn’t that Dean was actually starting to care about him, more than he’d ever cared about anyone. It was…but it sounded so stupid when he let himself think about it. Dean’s entire life, something had been missing. A part of himself that he’d always been conscious of, always missed, but never had the slightest clue how to understand. Dean had never given much thought to love, but his understanding had been that it was something more to make you happy, like a nice house only more important. But this was not more. This was something that was supposed to have been there all along. Dean felt robbed, irrationally angry at Sam for having been absent for so long. Sam had taken something from him somehow, before they’d ever met, and now Dean was conscious of it and still couldn’t have it. Not unless he had Sam. And there was a conversation he did not know how to start.
_______________________________________________________________
“I found something, I’m pretty sure it’s an actual case, and it’s not far from here.”
Sam heard Dean chuckle from the doorway. He probably could have waited until Dean was all the way in the room to spring the news, but it was the first haunting he’d found entirely on his own and that was not an easy thing to do.
“What’d you find?” Dean said, approaching Sam with the subs he’d gone out to get.
Sam happily went through all of his work (he may have gone a bit in depth researching, but they’d been handed all of their previous hunts by the other hunters they’d gotten in touch with and he did not want to look like an idiot when they drove for six hours and there was no hunt). When he’d finished, Dean looked impressed. Sam felt…proud, like he’d just impressed a role model or a big brother and he couldn’t help the smile. It was getting pathetic, this crush.
“That’s incredible. I thought I was good at research. You’re a whole new breed of computer nerd, Sammy.”
Dean gave Sam a pat on the back and then paused awkwardly.
“I’m sorry. I forgot you don’t like that.”
“It’s ok if you say it,” Sam blurted out before he could check himself. He blushed a little and tried to duck behind the computer. “I mean, if you slip up or something.”
Dean’s cocky smile should have annoyed Sam, but it didn’t. It was a privilege they both somehow knew was supposed to be Dean’s all along, Sam was just being stubborn.
Dean sat down next to Sam and began to eat his sub. He was close…too close, maybe. Sam could see him stealing glances when he wasn’t focusing too hard on his sandwich. Dean had a way of looking at him sometimes…he wasn’t sure if it was the same kind of affection he felt for Dean, but it was something-something tender and lovely and it made him happy and uncomfortable all at once. They ate in quiet and once they’d finished eating, Sam didn’t know what to say. Everything he could think of would get them started on the hunt and make Dean walk away from him, so he stayed quiet. For a long time, Dean did, too.
“Sam?”
“Yeah?”
“You know the dreams about us that you used to have…you said, when you were telling me about them, you said we were like brothers. Do you think we actually were?”
Sam bit his lip and looked away. He didn’t know how to answer that. Yes, they were like brothers. Sometimes. But sometimes, that other Dean was so much more. He’d never seen the two men do anything romantic; he was only there for the hunts. But the way they moved, the way they touched…it wasn’t like brothers, it wasn’t like anything. Sam wished he could understand it, knew he never would. There were layers upon layers and he could see just enough of them to know he would never get close.
“I don’t know, I…look, I wasn’t lying when I said I’m not into that kind of thing, ok, but I can’t help what they do.”
“What do we do?”
“They. They’re different from us.”
“What do they do?”
“They’re in Love, Dean.”
Dean nodded, as if that was what he’d been expecting to hear. Again, awkward silence stretched across the room and Sam was about to resort to one of his “I guess we’d better go” comments out of desperation to break it when Dean finally said something.
“I think I am, too, Sammy.”
“In love?”
“Yeah, with you.”
“Well, that’s the best damned news I’ve heard all week.”
_______________________________________________________________
Sam was having nightmares, ones he didn’t share with Dean. He woke up every morning a little more depressed, sad as if he was in mourning or something. When Dean tried asking, Sam would shake his head no and grab onto whatever part of Dean was closest as if he was just making sure Dean was there. It hurt. Dean had been happy since they’d gotten together, happier than he’d ever expected to be, and for a while he’d thought Sam was too. But he wasn’t enough to keep Sam happy anymore, the dreams were winning out.
Dean was worried about Sam and not just when he was sleeping. He was getting lost on hunts, forgetting things rather than learning. He seemed less interested in finding new ones. Dean could find them on his own, no problem, but Sam had enjoyed it before. Now all Sam wanted to do was wander. He would drag Dean into nearly every bar they passed; he wouldn’t drink, he would just look around for a while, maybe have a beer with Dean, and leave. Dean went along with it because he had to. Disappointing Sam didn’t register for him-his former self would have shamelessly mocked the person he was now, but he couldn’t help it. It was like he was hard-wired to take care of Sam, keep Sam happy, that part of his personality had completely eclipsed what he’d thought his personality was before.
So here they were, after three weeks of aimless bar hopping, standing in front of yet another shady roadhouse full of hunters. Dean Smith walked in; he didn’t stop to think he might not walk out.
_______________________________________________________________
Sam had no idea what the dreams meant. It was creepy but it had always been creepy, so he’d dismissed it. They weren’t real, just dreams. Dreams he learned from, dreams that introduced him to Dean months before he met Dean, but still. Dreams. Now he wasn’t so sure.
Not long after he’d met Dean, the Sam in the dreams had lost his. It didn’t feel like a dream anymore, it felt like dying every night that he had to wander along with that Sam, searching desperately, making no progress. It was ruining everything-he and Dean had been perfectly happy until this started up, now he couldn’t focus. All he could do was float from bar to bar as if he was looking for something, too.
“I’m going to go to the bathroom. Order some beers and I’ll meet you at the bar, ok?”
“Yeah.”
Sam hadn’t been gone long, though from the look of it he’d been gone long enough. Sam knew that he hadn’t exactly been a joy lately, but the way Dean had been acting left him completely unprepared for this. Dean was at the bar alright, and was kissing another man with all the intense passion Sam had thought was reserved for him. If he’d given it more than a moment’s thought, he would have seen that the other man wasn’t kissing Dean back. His fist flew into Dean’s face faster than his eyes took in the shocked expression on his own features as he pulled Dean away from a perfect clone of himself to attack.
“What the-?!” Dean cried as the blow registered and he pulled away from Sam to try to figure out who the hell was hitting him and why. “Sam?”
“Dean?” The other Sam asked in a broken up voice.
“SAM?” Dean’s head snapped to him and then back to his Sam and then back to the one he’d been kissing. “I was kissing...but he’s not you. But who the hell is he, then?”
“Dean, what is this?” Previously-restricted-to-dreams Sam asked, staring at himself curiously.
Realization passed over Sam Wesson. That man wasn’t part of a dream. He was real. A part of Sam had known it all along. But how could they both be Sam? And if his Dean had shown up when Sam Winchester’s had gone missing, if they were the same person…then whose Dean was he really?
“What the hell is going on here?” Dean asked both Sams at once. Winchester shook his head and stared at Wesson.
“I think I can explain.”
“What are you, a shape shifter or something? Why’d you kidnap Dean?”
“You back off-you’re the goddamned shape shifter.”
“No, Dean, calm down. Look, Sam, nobody here’s a shape shifter. I’m not sure what or who I am, but I know who you are and I know why you’re here. You’ve been looking for Dean. Everywhere. I’ve been seeing it. I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry.”
The dream Sam ignored his clone’s assurances and turned to Dean.
“Dean, don’t you know me? He’s not even acting like me.”
“You’re not even a little bit convincing. If we weren’t in public I would tear you to shreds.”
Sam Winchester’s pain was poorly disguised. He hadn’t expected that blow from Dean and looked so resigned to it that Sam Wesson’s heart nearly split.
“Can we have a minute?” He asked Sam Winchester, already pulling Dean aside.
“I’m sorry I hit you, Dean. Just, you know, I got jealous. You were kissing, well, I thought you were kissing someone else.”
“Sammy, what is this?”
“This is the nightmares, Dean. He’s the other Sam, the one I used to see with you. Only ever since I met you…he’s lost his Dean. He’s been looking for him everywhere.”
“Well, don’t you know where he is? Can’t you help him?”
“Yeah, I can. It’s you. He’s been looking for you.”
“No, I’m your Dean. His Dean is somewhere else.”
“There’s no other Dean. There’s two of us, and there’s only one of you.”
“That doesn’t make any sense.”
Sam bit his lip. He wished it didn’t make sense, wished he could pretend not to understand. But somehow it was all terribly clear to him. This was another test, Sam had seen the angels put Dean through them before, and he knew he was just a roadblock between Dean and his destiny.
“You have to go with him.”
“What?! Why? I don’t even know him.”
“He needs you.”
“You need me.”
“I don’t.”
Dean flinched.
“No, Dean, not like that. Of course I need you but…I don’t think I…it’s different. He needs you, like actually needs you. I mean, he matters.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? You matter.”
“No, he really matters and Dean, you too. We’re not…I don’t know how to explain it. I mean, we’re real but I don’t think we really are. He’s real. If you go with him, you’ll be real, too. It’s important, Dean, pretty much everything depends on him getting you back. Really, he’s lost you so many times; we can’t make him lose you again.”
“What about you? Aren’t you a little concerned about losing me?”
“Dean, I Love you. I Love you more than I’ve ever Loved anyone, more than I ever thought I could. But I’ve seen them; I know what that man is feeling. I don’t think I’ll be around to lose you, but if I am, it’s worth it for them to be together. We’re nothing next to them, Dean. You’ll see it, too, once you’re back. The way you used to look at him-I could never even pretend you would feel that way about me.”
“I’m not going. I’m not. He’s a stranger.”
“Take good care of him when you’re yourself again, okay? He needs you right now more than ever. Stop ignoring the problem, talk to him about it, make him tell you what he’s doing. It’s not too late for him.”
“What are you talking about? Sam, I’m not going.”
“Dean…do it for me.”
Sam hadn’t wanted to have to do that, hadn’t wanted to give Dean up at all. But it worked, Dean agreed bitterly. And he was right-he didn’t live to regret it; the angels swept him under the rug.
_______________________________________________________________
Dean left Sam Wesson, furiously returning to the stranger that he was supposed to care so much about. By the time he had reached the bar where Sam was supposed to be, he’d remembered everything, remembered his brother and felt a current of pain that he’d been able to forget Sammy, had been willing to let him go. Sam was missing now and Dean was sure he had left, feeling the rejection every bit he should have. He looked around in a panic and saw a familiar face, though not the one he had hoped for by a long shot.
“What the hell are you doing here?” Dean spat, addressing the man who had been his boss before he’d met Sam Wesson and taken off.
“My job, Dean.”
“Who the hell are you, really?”
“I’m an archangel, you can call me Zachariah. You’ve just been part of an experiment, and-congratulations! You passed my test.”
“Where’s my brother?”
Zachariah sighed, annoyed. “You know, that’s all you ever talk about. Not a very interesting guy.”
“Where’d he go?”
“Sam? He took a little trip back to the motel room you left him in. Don’t worry; he won’t remember that you almost abandoned him for a stranger. Again. ”
“What do you mean again?”
“This is the nineteenth time we’ve put you into a new life to show you that you’re really a hunter, and to see if you were willing to give up nice, cushiony lives to go back to your sad little lot. You’ve done it every time, by the way. Bang up job, kid.”
“And the point of doing that was?”
“Well, you know, even angels get bored.”
Dean was not amused.
“I like making points, Dean. You’re giving us a lot of grief over what your Destiny is supposed to be, and I’m sick of it. So we stopped making it easy for you. Decided we’d let you see for yourself how destined you were to do this and how much you were willing to give up to be good ol’ Dean Winchester. Are you following me? Because really, I’m running out of scenarios to drop you into and I’m a very busy guy.”
“So let me get this straight-you’ve been plucking Sam and I out of our lives so that you could get us to do exactly what we were already doing?”
“Not a bit. We’ve been plucking you out of your life. Sam’s a glitch we can’t get rid of.”
“Don’t talk about my brother like that.”
“Well, it’s true. It doesn’t matter where we put you, he keeps popping up. I mean, he helps speed you along with the weirdo demon psychic dreams and everything, but we’d really like to see you go it alone a few times. He’s not going to be there when it really counts.”
“Sam’s always going to be there.”
“Yeah, we’ll see if you feel that way when you know what he’s done.”
Dean remembered Sam Wesson’s last plea to him, and the promise that had come with it. It’s not too late for him. Dean had known Sam was up to something nasty pretty much as soon as he’d been risen from the pit, but he hadn’t been planning to ask Sam. They both had their secrets now; Dean didn’t know how to change that. Thought he didn’t know. Hearing the angel confirm Wesson’s warning made him realize how dangerous it could be to go on like that. He had to find a way, he had to for Sam.
So when he was back with his brother, he confronted him, and though things got ugly, Sam eventually confessed. Dean forced himself to accept, to get past it. He repeated the mantra over and over until he believed it. It’s not too late for him.
It hadn’t been. Dean eased Sam back into the way things had been before Hell, separated him from Ruby. Slowly Sam had seen reason and agreed to go into the panic room until he was clear of the demon blood. It hadn’t been easy kicking the addiction, but Dean had been with him every minute, protecting Sam from the monsters in his head and kissing away the pain. When the time came to break the final seal, the Anti-Christ forgot to show. It was the angels who were ultimately stuck in the wrong universe, only theirs was a reality. Their Apocalypse was cancelled.
Fandom: Supernatural
Characters/Pairings: Smith/Wesson, brief Sam Winchester/Dean Smith, light Sam/Dean Winchester, Zachariah
Genre: AU, Drama
Rating: PG-13 for Slashy Content
Word Count: 2,996
Author’s Note: Written for spnland’s “What If” AU challenge. I wrote an AU about the AU episode-I know, my originality is astonishing! < / sarcasm > Beta’d by the goddess of all things sparkly and wonderful. Also, this is the first AU I’ve ever written! \o/ ETA 5/7/2013: Thanks to eos_rose, you can now read this in epub format here.
Summary: It’s a Terrible Life AU: What if the angels had forced Dean to figure out who he was by himself while he was still Dean Smith? Would he choose to go back to being Dean Winchester? And how would the experience change him?
It was weird, being around Sam. Or maybe it was just a weird new life, all of this ghost hunting business, and Sam just so happened to be a part of that. But if Dean was being honest…he was pretty sure it was Sam.
The stuff that was supposed to be really disturbing (ghosts are real, so are monsters, and demons, and pretty much everything except for the tooth fairy), all of that had been pretty easy to get past. Dean didn’t feel weird about it…he felt right. Not that it was fun, or glamorous, or offered any of the perks his comfortable life had offered, that’s not why it felt right. It just was exactly what Dean was always supposed to be doing.
But…Sam. It wasn’t even that he was attracted to Sam when he’d never been attracted to a man before. You spend that much time with someone, it could happen. It wasn’t that Dean was actually starting to care about him, more than he’d ever cared about anyone. It was…but it sounded so stupid when he let himself think about it. Dean’s entire life, something had been missing. A part of himself that he’d always been conscious of, always missed, but never had the slightest clue how to understand. Dean had never given much thought to love, but his understanding had been that it was something more to make you happy, like a nice house only more important. But this was not more. This was something that was supposed to have been there all along. Dean felt robbed, irrationally angry at Sam for having been absent for so long. Sam had taken something from him somehow, before they’d ever met, and now Dean was conscious of it and still couldn’t have it. Not unless he had Sam. And there was a conversation he did not know how to start.
_______________________________________________________________
“I found something, I’m pretty sure it’s an actual case, and it’s not far from here.”
Sam heard Dean chuckle from the doorway. He probably could have waited until Dean was all the way in the room to spring the news, but it was the first haunting he’d found entirely on his own and that was not an easy thing to do.
“What’d you find?” Dean said, approaching Sam with the subs he’d gone out to get.
Sam happily went through all of his work (he may have gone a bit in depth researching, but they’d been handed all of their previous hunts by the other hunters they’d gotten in touch with and he did not want to look like an idiot when they drove for six hours and there was no hunt). When he’d finished, Dean looked impressed. Sam felt…proud, like he’d just impressed a role model or a big brother and he couldn’t help the smile. It was getting pathetic, this crush.
“That’s incredible. I thought I was good at research. You’re a whole new breed of computer nerd, Sammy.”
Dean gave Sam a pat on the back and then paused awkwardly.
“I’m sorry. I forgot you don’t like that.”
“It’s ok if you say it,” Sam blurted out before he could check himself. He blushed a little and tried to duck behind the computer. “I mean, if you slip up or something.”
Dean’s cocky smile should have annoyed Sam, but it didn’t. It was a privilege they both somehow knew was supposed to be Dean’s all along, Sam was just being stubborn.
Dean sat down next to Sam and began to eat his sub. He was close…too close, maybe. Sam could see him stealing glances when he wasn’t focusing too hard on his sandwich. Dean had a way of looking at him sometimes…he wasn’t sure if it was the same kind of affection he felt for Dean, but it was something-something tender and lovely and it made him happy and uncomfortable all at once. They ate in quiet and once they’d finished eating, Sam didn’t know what to say. Everything he could think of would get them started on the hunt and make Dean walk away from him, so he stayed quiet. For a long time, Dean did, too.
“Sam?”
“Yeah?”
“You know the dreams about us that you used to have…you said, when you were telling me about them, you said we were like brothers. Do you think we actually were?”
Sam bit his lip and looked away. He didn’t know how to answer that. Yes, they were like brothers. Sometimes. But sometimes, that other Dean was so much more. He’d never seen the two men do anything romantic; he was only there for the hunts. But the way they moved, the way they touched…it wasn’t like brothers, it wasn’t like anything. Sam wished he could understand it, knew he never would. There were layers upon layers and he could see just enough of them to know he would never get close.
“I don’t know, I…look, I wasn’t lying when I said I’m not into that kind of thing, ok, but I can’t help what they do.”
“What do we do?”
“They. They’re different from us.”
“What do they do?”
“They’re in Love, Dean.”
Dean nodded, as if that was what he’d been expecting to hear. Again, awkward silence stretched across the room and Sam was about to resort to one of his “I guess we’d better go” comments out of desperation to break it when Dean finally said something.
“I think I am, too, Sammy.”
“In love?”
“Yeah, with you.”
“Well, that’s the best damned news I’ve heard all week.”
_______________________________________________________________
Sam was having nightmares, ones he didn’t share with Dean. He woke up every morning a little more depressed, sad as if he was in mourning or something. When Dean tried asking, Sam would shake his head no and grab onto whatever part of Dean was closest as if he was just making sure Dean was there. It hurt. Dean had been happy since they’d gotten together, happier than he’d ever expected to be, and for a while he’d thought Sam was too. But he wasn’t enough to keep Sam happy anymore, the dreams were winning out.
Dean was worried about Sam and not just when he was sleeping. He was getting lost on hunts, forgetting things rather than learning. He seemed less interested in finding new ones. Dean could find them on his own, no problem, but Sam had enjoyed it before. Now all Sam wanted to do was wander. He would drag Dean into nearly every bar they passed; he wouldn’t drink, he would just look around for a while, maybe have a beer with Dean, and leave. Dean went along with it because he had to. Disappointing Sam didn’t register for him-his former self would have shamelessly mocked the person he was now, but he couldn’t help it. It was like he was hard-wired to take care of Sam, keep Sam happy, that part of his personality had completely eclipsed what he’d thought his personality was before.
So here they were, after three weeks of aimless bar hopping, standing in front of yet another shady roadhouse full of hunters. Dean Smith walked in; he didn’t stop to think he might not walk out.
_______________________________________________________________
Sam had no idea what the dreams meant. It was creepy but it had always been creepy, so he’d dismissed it. They weren’t real, just dreams. Dreams he learned from, dreams that introduced him to Dean months before he met Dean, but still. Dreams. Now he wasn’t so sure.
Not long after he’d met Dean, the Sam in the dreams had lost his. It didn’t feel like a dream anymore, it felt like dying every night that he had to wander along with that Sam, searching desperately, making no progress. It was ruining everything-he and Dean had been perfectly happy until this started up, now he couldn’t focus. All he could do was float from bar to bar as if he was looking for something, too.
“I’m going to go to the bathroom. Order some beers and I’ll meet you at the bar, ok?”
“Yeah.”
Sam hadn’t been gone long, though from the look of it he’d been gone long enough. Sam knew that he hadn’t exactly been a joy lately, but the way Dean had been acting left him completely unprepared for this. Dean was at the bar alright, and was kissing another man with all the intense passion Sam had thought was reserved for him. If he’d given it more than a moment’s thought, he would have seen that the other man wasn’t kissing Dean back. His fist flew into Dean’s face faster than his eyes took in the shocked expression on his own features as he pulled Dean away from a perfect clone of himself to attack.
“What the-?!” Dean cried as the blow registered and he pulled away from Sam to try to figure out who the hell was hitting him and why. “Sam?”
“Dean?” The other Sam asked in a broken up voice.
“SAM?” Dean’s head snapped to him and then back to his Sam and then back to the one he’d been kissing. “I was kissing...but he’s not you. But who the hell is he, then?”
“Dean, what is this?” Previously-restricted-to-dreams Sam asked, staring at himself curiously.
Realization passed over Sam Wesson. That man wasn’t part of a dream. He was real. A part of Sam had known it all along. But how could they both be Sam? And if his Dean had shown up when Sam Winchester’s had gone missing, if they were the same person…then whose Dean was he really?
“What the hell is going on here?” Dean asked both Sams at once. Winchester shook his head and stared at Wesson.
“I think I can explain.”
“What are you, a shape shifter or something? Why’d you kidnap Dean?”
“You back off-you’re the goddamned shape shifter.”
“No, Dean, calm down. Look, Sam, nobody here’s a shape shifter. I’m not sure what or who I am, but I know who you are and I know why you’re here. You’ve been looking for Dean. Everywhere. I’ve been seeing it. I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry.”
The dream Sam ignored his clone’s assurances and turned to Dean.
“Dean, don’t you know me? He’s not even acting like me.”
“You’re not even a little bit convincing. If we weren’t in public I would tear you to shreds.”
Sam Winchester’s pain was poorly disguised. He hadn’t expected that blow from Dean and looked so resigned to it that Sam Wesson’s heart nearly split.
“Can we have a minute?” He asked Sam Winchester, already pulling Dean aside.
“I’m sorry I hit you, Dean. Just, you know, I got jealous. You were kissing, well, I thought you were kissing someone else.”
“Sammy, what is this?”
“This is the nightmares, Dean. He’s the other Sam, the one I used to see with you. Only ever since I met you…he’s lost his Dean. He’s been looking for him everywhere.”
“Well, don’t you know where he is? Can’t you help him?”
“Yeah, I can. It’s you. He’s been looking for you.”
“No, I’m your Dean. His Dean is somewhere else.”
“There’s no other Dean. There’s two of us, and there’s only one of you.”
“That doesn’t make any sense.”
Sam bit his lip. He wished it didn’t make sense, wished he could pretend not to understand. But somehow it was all terribly clear to him. This was another test, Sam had seen the angels put Dean through them before, and he knew he was just a roadblock between Dean and his destiny.
“You have to go with him.”
“What?! Why? I don’t even know him.”
“He needs you.”
“You need me.”
“I don’t.”
Dean flinched.
“No, Dean, not like that. Of course I need you but…I don’t think I…it’s different. He needs you, like actually needs you. I mean, he matters.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? You matter.”
“No, he really matters and Dean, you too. We’re not…I don’t know how to explain it. I mean, we’re real but I don’t think we really are. He’s real. If you go with him, you’ll be real, too. It’s important, Dean, pretty much everything depends on him getting you back. Really, he’s lost you so many times; we can’t make him lose you again.”
“What about you? Aren’t you a little concerned about losing me?”
“Dean, I Love you. I Love you more than I’ve ever Loved anyone, more than I ever thought I could. But I’ve seen them; I know what that man is feeling. I don’t think I’ll be around to lose you, but if I am, it’s worth it for them to be together. We’re nothing next to them, Dean. You’ll see it, too, once you’re back. The way you used to look at him-I could never even pretend you would feel that way about me.”
“I’m not going. I’m not. He’s a stranger.”
“Take good care of him when you’re yourself again, okay? He needs you right now more than ever. Stop ignoring the problem, talk to him about it, make him tell you what he’s doing. It’s not too late for him.”
“What are you talking about? Sam, I’m not going.”
“Dean…do it for me.”
Sam hadn’t wanted to have to do that, hadn’t wanted to give Dean up at all. But it worked, Dean agreed bitterly. And he was right-he didn’t live to regret it; the angels swept him under the rug.
_______________________________________________________________
Dean left Sam Wesson, furiously returning to the stranger that he was supposed to care so much about. By the time he had reached the bar where Sam was supposed to be, he’d remembered everything, remembered his brother and felt a current of pain that he’d been able to forget Sammy, had been willing to let him go. Sam was missing now and Dean was sure he had left, feeling the rejection every bit he should have. He looked around in a panic and saw a familiar face, though not the one he had hoped for by a long shot.
“What the hell are you doing here?” Dean spat, addressing the man who had been his boss before he’d met Sam Wesson and taken off.
“My job, Dean.”
“Who the hell are you, really?”
“I’m an archangel, you can call me Zachariah. You’ve just been part of an experiment, and-congratulations! You passed my test.”
“Where’s my brother?”
Zachariah sighed, annoyed. “You know, that’s all you ever talk about. Not a very interesting guy.”
“Where’d he go?”
“Sam? He took a little trip back to the motel room you left him in. Don’t worry; he won’t remember that you almost abandoned him for a stranger. Again. ”
“What do you mean again?”
“This is the nineteenth time we’ve put you into a new life to show you that you’re really a hunter, and to see if you were willing to give up nice, cushiony lives to go back to your sad little lot. You’ve done it every time, by the way. Bang up job, kid.”
“And the point of doing that was?”
“Well, you know, even angels get bored.”
Dean was not amused.
“I like making points, Dean. You’re giving us a lot of grief over what your Destiny is supposed to be, and I’m sick of it. So we stopped making it easy for you. Decided we’d let you see for yourself how destined you were to do this and how much you were willing to give up to be good ol’ Dean Winchester. Are you following me? Because really, I’m running out of scenarios to drop you into and I’m a very busy guy.”
“So let me get this straight-you’ve been plucking Sam and I out of our lives so that you could get us to do exactly what we were already doing?”
“Not a bit. We’ve been plucking you out of your life. Sam’s a glitch we can’t get rid of.”
“Don’t talk about my brother like that.”
“Well, it’s true. It doesn’t matter where we put you, he keeps popping up. I mean, he helps speed you along with the weirdo demon psychic dreams and everything, but we’d really like to see you go it alone a few times. He’s not going to be there when it really counts.”
“Sam’s always going to be there.”
“Yeah, we’ll see if you feel that way when you know what he’s done.”
Dean remembered Sam Wesson’s last plea to him, and the promise that had come with it. It’s not too late for him. Dean had known Sam was up to something nasty pretty much as soon as he’d been risen from the pit, but he hadn’t been planning to ask Sam. They both had their secrets now; Dean didn’t know how to change that. Thought he didn’t know. Hearing the angel confirm Wesson’s warning made him realize how dangerous it could be to go on like that. He had to find a way, he had to for Sam.
So when he was back with his brother, he confronted him, and though things got ugly, Sam eventually confessed. Dean forced himself to accept, to get past it. He repeated the mantra over and over until he believed it. It’s not too late for him.
It hadn’t been. Dean eased Sam back into the way things had been before Hell, separated him from Ruby. Slowly Sam had seen reason and agreed to go into the panic room until he was clear of the demon blood. It hadn’t been easy kicking the addiction, but Dean had been with him every minute, protecting Sam from the monsters in his head and kissing away the pain. When the time came to break the final seal, the Anti-Christ forgot to show. It was the angels who were ultimately stuck in the wrong universe, only theirs was a reality. Their Apocalypse was cancelled.