Supernatural: Oh, but the Longing is Terrible
Title: Oh, but the Longing is Terrible
Fandom: Supernatural
Characters/Pairings: Sam/Dean, some Sam/OFC
Genre: Porn, basically.
Rating: NC-17 for Graphic Sexual Content (Sex Pollen and Fuck-or-Die) and Language
Word Count: 6,489
Author’s Note: Written for scorpiod1 as part of the samdeanexchange. My prompt was: “Sex pollen! Bonus points if it wasn’t an established relationship beforehand but fucking under the influences of sex pollen made them realized what they were denying themselves.” I have not read very much sex pollen fic, so hopefully I am doing okay by the genre-I also made this fuck-or-die because I am genre confused as well as gender confused. The little bit of het sex included here is my first try, so I’m hoping it’s not too awkward. I tried really hard to hit as many of your kinks as possible and actually make this porn sexy while still emotionally compelling. I really hope you love it even a millionth as much as I loooooove you. Title stolen from TV on the Radio’s “Lover’s Day.” Beta’d by lady_simoriah who swept in heroically at the last minute and tried to save me from my own plot holes and by wutendeskind who I’m 98% certain can legally file for spousal abuse after the things I’ve done to her this week. ETA 5/7/2013: Thanks to eos_rose, you can now read this in epub format here.
Summary: Sam gets hit by a sex pollen that kills you in three days if you haven’t satisfied your deepest desire. Dean will do anything he can to save his brother, including tell him the secret he’s been hiding for years.
Alternate Link: http://community.livejournal.com/samdeanexchange/5403.html
Frankly, this makes Dean uncomfortable. He’s not usually unsettled by hunts and he’s definitely not usually unsettled by sex. But listening to this mousy girl going on about how great this creepy plant was for her-it’s making Dean think things he tries not to think about. He knows what he would have to do if he got infected and the very possibility makes him want to throw Sam into the Impala and leave this hunt to someone else. Of course, admitting defeat isn’t really Dean’s thing, so he just squirms and tries to decide if she’s as innocent as she seems.
“I know it’s an awful thing to say, but it really was their own faults. Those attendants knew they weren’t allowed to touch my flower. Rules exist for a reason, officer.”
“And just to get this straight…the reason people can’t touch your plant is because its pollen makes them…screw themselves to death? How do you explain that one, doctor?”
“I could throw out a bunch of trumped up technical terms you wouldn’t understand, or I can tell you the truth, which you won’t believe.”
“Oh, humor me with the truth.”
“It’s magical.” The doctor’s eyes sparkle with admiration.
“Your plant?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Is magical?”
“Absolutely.”
“I see.”
Dean already knew that, it was obvious before he and Sam had really even gotten to work on the case. There are a lot of plants with supernatural properties, though generally they require human tampering to do anything this serious. He’s shocked to hear a doctor admit she has no better explanation, though; these science types usually go out of their way to deny the truth. The fact that this lady is so calm about it makes Dean grip his gun a little tighter-it has to be her, but at the same time, he’s wondering why she’s making it so easy for him to figure her out.
“Let’s just say you’re right and your plant is magic-“
“You’re taking me seriously?”
“Extremely. Now tell me why you can touch the plant and other people turn into demented bunny rabbits and keel over from just getting too close?”
“I’ve already been infected.” The woman smiles at Dean’s piqued interest and twirls a golden band on her finger. “You become immune once you’ve gone through it once, like the chicken pox.”
“So why are you still kicking when four people are dead?”
“It’s not an evil plant. It isn’t trying to take lives. It’s trying to give people what they want. If those people had stopped denying themselves and just given in to their desires, they would be here as healthy as I am.”
“Care to explain?”
“I don’t know all the details. The woman who held my position before me, she was my mentor for a long time, she’s the one who brought the plant in. I think she’s the one who made it special. Anyway, she brought it as a gift for me.”
“How kind.”
“It was. She wanted me happy. And, well, it was the best thing that ever happened to me!”
“Oh?”
“I’d been in love with Dr. Jackson, he’s the man who escorted you in, for three years and I never had the nerve to say anything. Now we’re married!”
“The plant made you say something?”
“More than that. It makes all of your desire get ten times worse, like going through puberty in three days and with more tension than a thousand fourteen year olds. After all that time giggling and running away from him, well. We were working alone in the lab and I kind of….” she blushes and ducks her head; Dean has to work really hard not to laugh at the thought of this nice, straight laced lady jumping some guy’s bones.
“I think I’ve got the picture.”
“Oh, good. Well, anyway. As soon as you satisfy that craving, you’re fine. But after three days if you’re still wanting your body can’t handle all of the hormones. Instant death. You’d have to be pretty damn far in denial for that to happen, though. I didn’t make it more than an hour. It hurts, that kind of frustration.”
“But two of the victims were having sex when they passed away. How do you die of sexual frustration while you’re having sex?”
“It has to be what you want most, you can’t just have any old sex.”
“You know I should arrest you for letting something that dangerous exist without reporting it, right?”
“I know. I just couldn’t do it. It’s brought me such happiness and it truly is a remarkable specimen for study.”
Dean reluctantly lets go of his gun and relaxes.
“Anyway, are we done? I already know your partner is killing my plant and I’m not exactly thrilled, so now that I’ve told you everything…”
“One more thing. Where is this mentor of yours?”
“Dr. Garson passed away last September.”
“Well damn.” Dean is a little relieved. He’s not in love with the concept of wasting old ladies, even if they are murderous witches.
_______________________________________________________________
By the time Dean gets home, Sam is sitting at the edge of his bed watching some back logged football game Dean knows Sam already saw the final score for.
“Bored much?”
“Jesus, Dean. I thought you were never coming back.”
“I made a friend. A very talkative friend.”
“Did you…I mean, was she…a threat?” Sam winces. Dean could tell that he’d liked the botanist the first time they’d met her, maybe it was a spiritual geek connection of some kind. That’s why Dean had sent Sam to kill the plant, which seemed like a fairly nonthreatening task, while he figured out if he would have to do anything Sam’s overdeveloped moral consciousness wouldn’t like.
“Relax, Poison Ivy is alive and well.”
“It wasn’t her, then?”
“Naw, and the lady who did it kicked the bucket a few months back of natural causes, so you don’t have to cry or anything.”
“Bite me.”
“How about the Pon Farr flower, we good?”
“Yeah. The roots were growing out of a hex bag. Just had to take them out of there and torch the bag. Bobby said that would be enough, but I torched the plant, too, just in case.”
“You touched it?”
“Yes.”
“You touched the fucking plant that kills people who touch it?”
“I feel fine.”
“How stupid are you, Sam?”
“Dean, it was killing people. There was no way to get the bag out of there without touching the plant. Anyway, I didn’t know that was how it worked.”
“It could kill you.”
“Dean…we’re hunters. We deal with stuff that could kill us all the time. And I. feel. fine. I’m pretty sure its mojo wears off when the hex bag is out of commission. I felt kind of tingly at first, but it went away as soon as the bag was out. It’s not gonna be a problem.”
“Whatever,” Dean grumbles. “Let’s get the fuck out of this place.”
_______________________________________________________________
For five hours, it’s smooth sailing from there. Sam rides shot gun and complains about Dean’s music until he thinks Dean isn’t paying attention to him and then he starts to tap out the beats on his thigh subconsciously. The world is as it should be.
But then Dean realizes that for maybe three miles, something really nice has been going on and he hadn’t even thought twice about it. Sam’s hand is groping his thigh and when Dean looks down in surprise and then at Sam, Sam is staring out of the window distracted and his other hand is pawing at his own cock. Dean swallows a lump and tries to push out all of the dirty thoughts, restrains himself from thinking about the fact that Sam is touching himself and Sam’s hand is groping him and Sam is hard. Because if Dean is going to call Sam’s attention to this very inappropriate behavior, he should really not be hard himself.
“Hey there, a little excited?”
Sam looks over at Dean perplexedly, then let’s out a tiny shout of horror and pulls both of his hands away.
“What the hell, Sam?”
“Oh, God,” Sam says, horrified. “I think it got me.”
Dean doesn’t say anything. He pulls into the first motel they pass, a dump for taking whores too far out of any town to get caught. It’s enough of a shit hole that even Sam and Dean don’t feel at home, but Dean pays for a night and takes his brother’s arm, dragging him to the room and earning a disgusted look from the red neck behind the counter. Apparently this deep in the Bible belt, even places built for shady sex frown upon two overly friendly males. Dean wishes Sam didn’t look quite as debauched, but it’s not like it’s the first time someone’s gotten the wrong idea about them. Hell, it’s not like Dean hasn’t been getting the wrong idea for the last six years.
_______________________________________________________________
Sam fidgets uncomfortably and Dean stares at the ceiling, the floor, anything but Sam. Not that it’s actually working because he keeps sneaking glances. Sam’s flushed and doing his best to keep a brave face through it.
“I think it’s Jess,” he says sadly for the hundredth time. Dean feels the same little stab he felt the other ninety-nine times and paces a little faster.
“It’s not Jess.”
“It has to be Jess. I still love her, Dean. I’ve missed her so much-for a year and a half now. It’s got to be Jess.”
“Shut up, it’s not. Think of something else.”
It can’t be Jess. Jess is dead and if it’s Jess, Sam can’t get this out of his system. If it’s Jess, Sam is dead, too. So it isn’t Jess.
“I don’t know what to tell you, Dean.”
“Well, you haven’t gotten laid since, you know. Since then, right?”
Sam shakes his head and neither of them is weirded out enough by how much they know about each other’s sex lives.
“So maybe you just need a girl. Any girl. You must be horny as hell, even without this. Maybe it’ll be good for you to finally get some.”
Sam groans and falls back on the bed. “I don’t want any girl. I want the person I love. I want Jess. I’m going to die.”
“I’m gonna go out and find you a girl, Sam, and you’re gonna have a good time and be fine in the morning, okay? Nobody is dying.”
Sam shrugs and looks away. “Okay, Dean. Whatever helps you sleep at night.”
Dean starts walking towards the door and suddenly Sam sits up and barks out his name urgently. Dean turns and looks at him.
“Yeah?”
“Just. Hurry, please. It hurts.” Sam’s face looks like the kid Dean used to patch up after hunts and Dean hates that his little brother trusts him enough to look at him so openly, even about something like this, something Dean should have no part in. Dean hurts, too. Not just because Sam is in pain, but because if Sam would say the word, Dean would do everything possible to take that pain away. Usually, Dean is pretty okay with that, but tonight it just reminds him that he wants to ruin everything Sam believes in.
“I’m gonna save you, Sammy. Just hold on.”
_______________________________________________________________
Dean finds a strip with plenty of girls in no time. The jerk at the counter seems pretty relieved when Dean asks where he can find some girls and even offers him a second room on the house. Some people will do a lot to avoid the thought of gay sex going on in their motel. Dean gladly accepts the offer, even though the idea of leaving Sam alone when he’s in trouble puts him on edge. He can’t exactly sit on the bed across from Sam while Sam is in the act to make sure everything goes as planned-Sam wouldn’t want that and Sam has to get exactly what he wants.
The girl Dean chooses for Sam is exactly Sam’s type-or at least Sam’s type according to what Dean remembers from the girls Sam dated before he saw Jessica. She’s a busty brunette with smart brown eyes and looks exceptionally clean for a whore in the middle of nowhere. She smiles at Dean warmly when he pulls up next to her and doesn’t even blink an eye when he tells her he’s picking her up for someone else. That’s about the best he can hope for. Dean is pretty sure he’s in good shape.
Sam looks at her like a steak when he opens the door and immediately pulls her into the room, giving Dean a sorry look for being so rushed before he slams the door. Dean sits outside the room for hours and hours waiting for the girl to leave. He can hear shouts from inside and he ignores the urge to picture what’s causing them. His dick doesn’t relax the entire time. He’s dozing into filthy half-dreams when the door opens and the girl stumbles out. Dean gets up to pay her, but she pushes his hand away. She looks exhausted, but she’s smiling around her now-sloppy make-up.
“No charge. I needed that.”
Lust slams Dean like a semi-truck and he reaches out to pull her back before she can start walking back to where he’d found her.
“I’ll double what we agreed on if you’ll come back to my room.”
Dean doesn’t care that it’s messed up on a level even Winchesters usually shy away from. He wants to feel what Sam did to her, taste the places Sam’s lips might have been, slide his cock into the wetness his brother left behind.
“You’re his brother, right?”
Dean nods, waiting for the disgusted look. The girl just shakes her head as if she’s lamenting the loss of something beautiful.
“Honey, I wish. I can’t handle that twice in one night.”
Just like that she walks off, almost a limp between her heels and the soreness Sam’s fucking caused. Dean never in his life thought he’d be jealous of a whore, but he’d do anything for that limp.
He knocks at Sam’s door and his brother peeks his head out, disheveled and exhausted.
“Hey, everything okay?”
“Yeah. Fine. Doing great. Good night.”
Sam closes the door and Dean goes reluctantly to his room-he hadn’t actually intended to sleep apart from Sam after the problem was solved, but he could see why Sam would feel uncomfortable having him around after what they both knew he’d just done.
_______________________________________________________________
The next morning, Sam opens the door reluctantly and it’s immediately obvious that he’s worse off than the night before.
“Sam, what the fuck? You said you were okay.”
“I know, Dean. I lied. I didn’t want you to worry.”
“We could have tried something else, you fucking idiot! You’re wasting time and you’re weakening yourself.”
“What’s the point? Dean, you know fucking some whore isn’t going to help, right? I’ve been in love. I’ve had someone I care about. I’m not ever going to want anything more than that again. Unless Jess shows up or I mysteriously meet and fall in love with some dream girl by tomorrow…I just think you need to be realistic here and accept what’s going to happen.”
“I’ll be back soon, okay? Just hold on.”
“Dean-“
But Dean is already halfway to the Impala.
_______________________________________________________________
Dean sees the girl from last night and she looks prettier, like she took extra care getting dressed up. Dean wonders if Sam’s ruined her for anyone else and briefly considers asking her to give him a chance again. He decides against it. He isn’t there to have fun and he needs to worry about Sam, not getting laid. Her eyes light up a little when she sees the car approaching and her disappointment is obvious when Dean bypasses her for a tall blonde. This girl isn’t as pretty, but she has an incredibly appealing quality-if Sam doesn’t look too closely, she could pass for Jess easy.
Sam gasps a little when he first sees her and sends Dean an annoyed look. It melts into something sorry when Dean silently begs him to give it a try. Sam understands how much Dean needs him to do everything he can and it’s not like Sam wants to die, he’s just given up hope. Sam is about to close the door when Dean stops it with one hand.
“Sam, I…I need to make sure you don’t lie to me again.”
“What are you suggesting?”
“I have to stay, okay? Just ignore me.”
“Dean, that’s really we-“
“You think I don’t know what it is?” Dean’s voice wavers and Sam relents. “Sam, I’m not going to let you die over this.”
Sam eventually nods and turns to the girl. He strips her and starts kissing her with tenderness that isn’t intended for her at all. Dean’s pretending not to watch too closely, but his eyes are trained on his brother over the pages of the auto magazine he’s holding. Whenever Dean catches a glance of Sam’s face, his eyes are closed and he looks sadder than he has in a long time. Dean wishes there was another way, something that didn’t make all of the progress Sam’s made recovering from Jess’s death backtrack, but Sam seems to get into it, is obviously working hard to fool himself. His eyes are heavy lidded and the tenderness doesn’t let up. Dean watches Sam’s lips cover every inch of the girl’s skin-she’s making little surprised noises as Sam trails kisses down her neck until he reaches her breasts. From the look on her face, Dean is pretty sure no one’s ever made love to her before.
Sam’s still dressed, he’s not even thinking about himself. Everything he does is to please this stranger and Dean feels guilty for even thinking it was a good idea. Sam’s lips leave a thin trail of saliva as they part from one full breast and move to suck the other one into his mouth. His fingers are working into her and Dean must be imagining it, but he swears he can see how wet she is. His cock is rock hard and he’s almost completely forgotten about the pretence of reading-not that Sam notices his staring. Sam is in his own world.
When Sam’s tongue stops playing with the girl’s nipple, he takes his fingers out of her and goes back up for a kiss. He pushes his fingers into her mouth so she can taste herself. The girl doesn’t seem to respond the way Sam is expecting and, for a second Sam seems to remember where he is and who he’s really with. He buries his head in the blonde hair for a few moments and moans out a name Dean has rarely heard him say in the last year and a half-except for late at night when he thinks Dean is asleep.
“I’m gonna make it up to you, Jess,” Sam promises. The girl looks over at Dean sadly and seems to understand. She says nothing; she knows she would be interrupting.
Dean nearly loses it when Sam buries his face in her cunt, hands wrapping around and gripping her thighs for support. The girl’s fingers curl in Sam’s hair-exactly the way Dean has been dreaming of clutching his brother’s tangled mane since Sam was hardly more than a kid. She’s crying out loud and Dean knows enough about eating pussy to be sure she’s not faking anything. Dean’s blood boils-Sam isn’t supposed to prove all of his twisted fantasies true.
She comes fast; Sam keeps going for a while afterwards, getting his face filthy in her mess. He comes up and she kisses him before he can kiss her, gladly licks herself off of him. That seems to be the response Sam is expecting and he lifts her off the bed and carries her easily despite her large frame onto the dresser. The cabinets have a mirror attached and Dean almost says something-it doesn’t seem safe, considering how hard Dean knows Sam is about to fuck her. But then Sam starts to fumble his jeans off as the girl pulls his shirt up and while Sam takes the time to put on a condom, Dean realizes he can see every inch of skin on his brother both from the front and the back from where he’s sitting. He shuts his mouth about the mirror and selfishly prepares to enjoy it.
Sam doesn’t disappoint. The way he fucks into the girl has her shouting out and coming all over again. Sam keeps going and going, apparently still too firmly in the grip of the pollen to come or get any kind of relief. Dean starts to get antsy and stands to watch him more closely, forgetting that he’d taken his own cock out a while ago and was lazily stroking it as he watched his brother fucking. The movement catches Sam’s attention-Dean is terrified when Sam makes eye contact with him in the mirror and Sam’s eyes flicker down to Dean’s cock. Dean doesn’t stop fucking into his hand-he can’t. Sam licks his lips and starts to thrust against the girl with shorter, more powerful thrusts. Dean speeds up to match him. Sam’s eyes are dark and the face he’s making-it’s not entirely Sam. He’s half-caught up in the craze from how horny he is and he doesn’t seem to remember that it’s wrong; he’s obviously getting off on Dean watching him, on seeing Dean touching himself. Dean comes when he realizes Sam is deriving sexual enjoyment from seeing him, only hating it a little because Sam will be disgusted if he remembers it in the morning and because he knows Sam would never get off on him under normal circumstances. Not long after that, while Dean’s cock is still hanging limply out of his jeans and the come on Dean’s hand is still cooling, Sam throws his head back with a curse and comes with so much force Sam is still shaking a minute later.
He pulls out quickly once he’s recovered, as if appalled at what he’d done. Dean hears him whisper an “I’m sorry,” to Jess, or to the girl who wasn’t Jess, or maybe even to Dean. Dean just smiles because the dick Sam is tucking into his jeans is soft and Dean is pretty sure that means that whatever its pitfalls, his plan had worked.
_______________________________________________________________
His plan had not worked. Sam manages to sleep but Dean can hear how fitful it is-Sam is having a sex dream that lasts all night. He can’t even get the embarrassing relief of a wet dream; he just writhes in bed making sounds Dean wishes he could swallow. The sounds torture Dean as much as they do Sam. Maybe more.
Sam wakes up the next morning and can’t even move out of bed. He lies there with his cock out all day, stroking, stroking, furious, unrelenting. Dean talks to Sam but his words all seem directed at Sam’s cock, he doesn’t have the strength to take his eyes away from it. Sam doesn’t have the energy to notice-he’s breaking from the pressure and nothing he does is helping.
Dean sees Sam’s arm growing tired, watches Sam’s cock start to get red and chaffed from too much contact. Dean’s immediate thought is that he could give Sam a break, that his mouth could be warm and comforting to that swollen skin. He kills the thought.
It’s not just the three horniest days of Sam’s life-Sam being this turned on is killing Dean, on top of the worry that he’ll lose his brother over this, which is too awful for Dean to even give proper consideration.
Time is wilting away and Dean realizes with a jolt that Sam only has three hours before he’s a goner. He breaks into desperate tears and grabs his brother’s shoulder and shakes him. Sam pauses from touching himself and cringes as if his dick is already going to fall off from lack of use.
“Sam, you gotta give me something to work with. Anything, Sammy. Please, please. I can’t let you die if we don’t try everything. Give me something.”
“I don’t…” Sam shrugs. “I used to fuck guys sometimes before I met Jess. I didn’t ever really intend to tell you, but there it is. That’s all I’ve got. It’s not going to work. I don’t want it that bad. But if you want to pretend there’s a shot in hell left, that’s all I’ve got.”
“It’s…Sam. The nearest town is three miles from here and it’s not exactly going to have a gay scene. Why didn’t you tell me before?”
“I’m not really thinking straight, man.” Sam gestures down and Dean tries not to look. He turns and slams his hands down on the dresser in frustration, he doesn’t even realize Sam has stopped and gotten up until a hand slides comforting on to his shoulder.
“I’m sorry, Dean. You shouldn’t have to go through this just because I was stupid. I’m so sorry to both of us.”
Dean’s mind is flittering from one bad idea to the next. He lands on the one he should be ignoring. Sam said he wanted to be with someone he loves, said he wanted a man. Sam loves Dean, even if he doesn’t Love Dean like Dean has always Loved him, and Dean is a man. It only seems fair to Dean that those things should come together and lead to results. Dean can’t believe in a world that would take his baby brother from him like this. He turns and says the last thing he ever intended to say to Sam.
“Do it to me.”
“What?”
“You said you need a guy, right? It doesn’t matter who? I’m a guy, Sam. Fuck me.”
“Dean, I told you, I don’t think it’s going to work. God, how can you even suggest that when it probably won-“
“Sam, if there’s a chance in hell, fuck me.”
“No way. You’ve already had to get way more involved in this than is fair to you. All of this is so fucked up, I’m not going to make it worse. I’m not going to make that the last memory you have of me.”
“Sam, please. Please, do it because I want you to.”
“You only want me to beca-“
“No, Sam. I’ve wanted you to forever. I know it’s wrong. But if it can save you…let me have this tonight, that’s all I’m asking for. And you’ll make it out alive. You can hate me for it tomorrow.”
“No. Never. I can’t do that to you after everything you’ve done for me.”
“I never was going to tell you, Sammy. I never would have done this to you. Not to you, I never would have, I swear. But I have to if it can save you…please try to forgive me someday.”
Dean reaches down and wraps his fingers around Sam’s thick cock. He lets out a dull sob because it’s something he’s been dreaming about since he was hardly more than a teenager and it should be perfect, but instead it’s a last desperate hope to cling to. Sam growls at the touch, as incapable of resisting as Dean had hoped he would be.
Long fingers are on the back of Dean’s head immediately and he knows that if he had enough hair to hold on to, Sam would be tugging him closer. Instead, Sam can only get enough of a grip to jerk Dean’s lips up in his direction. Sam’s savage kiss is violating and within seconds he’s deep in Dean’s mouth. Dean groans into it, trying his best to match it. He backs up and falls onto the bed, sitting with Sam’s cock on eye level with him. He thinks of sucking it into his mouth, but he’s not sure they have enough time. If it’s fucking Sam needs, Dean wants him to get all the fucking he can handle.
He makes short work of his clothes, as does Sam, then crawls up the bed.
“You want me to open myself up for you? So you don’t have to touch me?” He’s on all fours and he throws the question over his shoulder, just catches sight of Sam climbing onto the bed behind him.
“No,” Sam answers shakily. “This part always turned me on.”
Dean’s thrilled by hearing Sam tell him things like that and he makes a note to memorize everything Sam does or tells him. He feels a spit-slicked finger push into him and crook. Dean’s fucked guys on occasion. When the opportunity presented itself, Dean has taken up a few brown haired boys with bodies that could never compare to the one hovering over him, the one he knows so intimately he can rattle off every scar on Sam’s naked flesh without turning, even though Sam is his brother. But Dean has never been fucked, has never had anything in there. He’s sure it should feel weird or uncomfortable but it’s Sam so it’s perfect and Dean begs for more. Sam adds another finger, long digits scissoring inside him and touching something only Sam would ever be allowed to touch, something Dean wants him to touch forever.
“Enough, Sam. Get on with it.”
“Do you have lube?”
Fuck. Dean hadn’t really thought of that.
“No, forget it, just fuck me. I’ll live.”
“Mmm, I dunno. I got an awful lot to give you.”
Sam’s lips are on his neck and Dean shivers as Sam’s tongue slides down his skin, down his spine, lower and lower-
Dean gasps and pulls the pillow he’d been grasping closer. Sam’s tongue is inside of him, slicking him up and playing at the edges of his hole. It feels nice, nicer than Dean ever imagined it could. When Dean can feel cold air contrasting the warmth of Sam’s tongue, he knows his brother pulled away. He doesn’t expect what Sam does next. Sam turns Dean’s head to see his brother’s cock right there and before Dean can think, Sam forces it into his mouth. Dean tries to suck but it’s too much at once-his mouth waters so much it dribbles down his chin and Sam’s eyes are closed, his face looking relieved and almost calm for the first time in days.
He fucks into Dean a few times before letting Dean work at him-he’s never sucked a cock and Sam’s isn’t exactly beginner’s size. Still, he’s determined to make his brother feel good and Sam pulls away with a satisfied moan. Then Sam slides back behind Dean and within moments, Sam is buried balls-deep in him.
“Fuck!” Sam gasps. “Oh, God, you’re so tight. I’m gonna fuck you so hard you’ll never feel anyone else.”
Sam makes good on his promise. He’s fast and starved and his lips suck at Dean’s skin, leaving possessive marks Dean is sure he’ll regret in the morning. He feels Sam’s teeth sink into him, hungry, and when Sam kisses him it’s chaotic and almost painfully good. It’s not the Love making he’d been dreaming of for so long, it’s not even the pretend affection Sam had given the whore the night before. It’s sex: hard and fast and still wonderful. Dean doesn’t acknowledge the disappointment-he’s getting fucked by his brother, which is more than he’d ever dared to hope for. Dean has no right to expect better.
Not that it needs to get better. It burns a little but it’s the best thing he’s ever felt and he catches himself rocking back onto Sam’s cock before he remembers this is supposed to only be for Sam, Sam is supposed to call the shots. Sam laughs low and husky when Dean stops fucking against him.
“You like my cock, huh? You’re a little slut for it.”
Dean groans out Sam’s name and suddenly Sam freezes.
“Oh God. Dean, I’m so sorry. I forgot it was…I can’t talk like that to you.”
“I do like it, wanna feel it all the way inside of me, Sam. Don’t stop.”
Sam’s entire body presses against Dean’s back, he’s so close Dean can feel every muscle on his brother’s chest. Sam’s lips come all the way to his ear and what he whispers is almost as much a threat as it is a request.
“Beg for it.” Sam’s tongue grazes Dean’s ear and he begins to work at it, taking the lobe between his lips and teeth. The sensitive area stimulates every nerve in Dean’s body.
“Gimme your cock, Sam. All of it. Fuck me, fuck me hard.”
Sam does what Dean asks, every thrust hits Dean’s sweet spot and Dean isn’t touching himself, but he still worries briefly that he’s going to come too soon.
“Sammy!”
Sam stops and pulls out of Dean, falls to his side panting. Dean is terrified. He should have known better than to call Sam that during this, but he hadn’t thought about it.
“You can’t give up because I made that mistake,” Dean thinks. “You can’t when I had a chance to save you.”
Sam surprises Dean by laughing hysterically and Dean turns over to face his brother. Sam’s gone crazy, he’s sure, or suddenly decided gallows humor is for him after all. When he sees Dean looking at him confused, Sam reaches out to him and pulls him in for a tender kiss.
“Can you believe how fucking stupid I am?”
Dean doesn’t get the joke.
“Dean, kiss me back. I know what I want, what I need. God, it’s so obvious. Kiss me.”
Dean slots his mouth over Sam’s. Sam is smiling his beautiful dimpled smile and doesn’t stop laughing so that Dean can taste how happy he is.
“What is it, Sammy? Tell me and I’ll make it happen.”
“So stupid, Dean, for my entire life, so stupid.” He kisses Dean again, it’s like he’s forgotten how to do anything else and as much as Dean likes that, Sam is still hard and dying from it and there are more important things to do.
“Sam!”
“There I was, whining for Love. Fuck, Dean, I’ve been in Love with you forever and I didn’t even know it.”
“You don’t mean-“
“Yeah, I do. I need you, Dean. I need you to prove how much you want me, okay? Fuck me, however you want to, just fill me up with your come. That’s what’s gonna save me. That’s all I ever need.”
Sam turns over on his back and spreads his legs wide open. He feeds Dean a few digits, Dean sucks hungrily. Then Sam takes his fingers back and tells Dean to watch him as he slides them into himself, getting ready for Dean’s cock. Dean’s eyes are trained on Sam touching himself as he reaches for a condom but Sam beats his hand away.
“Sam, I’ve been around, you know that. I don’t wanna make you-“
“If I don’t feel your skin, I will literally die. I trust you, Dean. I know you won’t hurt me.”
Even though that should, theoretically, be out of Dean’s control, he’s positive that even if he had anything, his body would know better than to spread it to his brother. He uses one finger to slide along the shaft of Sam’s cock, which is coated with an impressive line of precome. He uses his brother’s moisture to get his cock nice and wet so he can slide into Sam without hurting him.
“Do you think that’s enough?” he asks worriedly. Sam snorts.
“Trust me, Dean, I’m not a virgin. I can handle a lot.”
Dean claims Sam’s mouth and slowly, tenderly, he dips into Sam. When he pulls away from the kiss, Sam is smiling up at him warm and adoring. Dean moves slowly and at first, he’s worried Sam will complain. It’s the polar opposite of what Sam had been doing to him. But Sam makes content sounds, heavy eyes looking up into Dean’s as if blinking will ruin something.
They stay in that rhythm for a while, Dean eagerly Loving his brother with all those years of agitated desire and Sam lets him, murmurs encouragement that makes Dean’s heart drop in the best way possible. Then Sam wraps his long legs around Dean and begins to fuck up onto his brother’s cock, unashamed to be taking over. Dean happily gives his brother control and bites his lips to try to contain how good his brother is making him feel.
“You need me to touch you? I’m gonna come soon.”
“No, Dean, just let me have it. Love you so much. I just want to feel how good it is for you.”
Dean smiles into his brother’s neck and sucks a little reminder into the skin, this is mine. He lets go, gasps out Sam’s name and baby and I Love you and before he has time to pull away, he feels Sam’s orgasm hit his stomach-a steady stream with more pressure than he’d ever thought was possible. Sam comes and comes and doesn’t let up, three days of unrestrained frustration slowly working its way out of his brother’s cock. Dean moves down and sucks it into his mouth, swallows as much as he can before he comes up choking. Sam is keening loudly and Dean holds his brother’s dick steady as he rubs his face against it reverently, lets the come coat his face, get in his hair. It’s the best thing Dean has ever tasted or felt-it means Sam is going to live, because of him, and that Sam wants him, Loves him.
He’s not surprised when Sam doesn’t just black out from it but passes into a bone-tired sleep, finally relaxed and satisfied. Dean lies in Sam’s mess for a while, touches his brother just because he can before getting out of bed and cleaning himself and Sam off as much as possible. When he slides back into bed, he wraps his body around Sam and holds his brother close. He knows Sam will sleep for a good eight hours-probably longer-and that when he wakes up he’ll be too worn out for sex for days. Dean doesn’t care. He’s holding Sam-he can do that now, whenever he wants. Dean is sure that as long as that’s true, things will be okay. He presses his cheek to Sam’s chest and lets the still accelerated but steadying beat lull him out of consciousness. He falls asleep thinking he’ll never be so happy again in his life, but he wakes up to Sam kissing him, and he was wrong. It only gets better.
Fandom: Supernatural
Characters/Pairings: Sam/Dean, some Sam/OFC
Genre: Porn, basically.
Rating: NC-17 for Graphic Sexual Content (Sex Pollen and Fuck-or-Die) and Language
Word Count: 6,489
Author’s Note: Written for scorpiod1 as part of the samdeanexchange. My prompt was: “Sex pollen! Bonus points if it wasn’t an established relationship beforehand but fucking under the influences of sex pollen made them realized what they were denying themselves.” I have not read very much sex pollen fic, so hopefully I am doing okay by the genre-I also made this fuck-or-die because I am genre confused as well as gender confused. The little bit of het sex included here is my first try, so I’m hoping it’s not too awkward. I tried really hard to hit as many of your kinks as possible and actually make this porn sexy while still emotionally compelling. I really hope you love it even a millionth as much as I loooooove you. Title stolen from TV on the Radio’s “Lover’s Day.” Beta’d by lady_simoriah who swept in heroically at the last minute and tried to save me from my own plot holes and by wutendeskind who I’m 98% certain can legally file for spousal abuse after the things I’ve done to her this week. ETA 5/7/2013: Thanks to eos_rose, you can now read this in epub format here.
Summary: Sam gets hit by a sex pollen that kills you in three days if you haven’t satisfied your deepest desire. Dean will do anything he can to save his brother, including tell him the secret he’s been hiding for years.
Alternate Link: http://community.livejournal.com/samdeanexchange/5403.html
Frankly, this makes Dean uncomfortable. He’s not usually unsettled by hunts and he’s definitely not usually unsettled by sex. But listening to this mousy girl going on about how great this creepy plant was for her-it’s making Dean think things he tries not to think about. He knows what he would have to do if he got infected and the very possibility makes him want to throw Sam into the Impala and leave this hunt to someone else. Of course, admitting defeat isn’t really Dean’s thing, so he just squirms and tries to decide if she’s as innocent as she seems.
“I know it’s an awful thing to say, but it really was their own faults. Those attendants knew they weren’t allowed to touch my flower. Rules exist for a reason, officer.”
“And just to get this straight…the reason people can’t touch your plant is because its pollen makes them…screw themselves to death? How do you explain that one, doctor?”
“I could throw out a bunch of trumped up technical terms you wouldn’t understand, or I can tell you the truth, which you won’t believe.”
“Oh, humor me with the truth.”
“It’s magical.” The doctor’s eyes sparkle with admiration.
“Your plant?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Is magical?”
“Absolutely.”
“I see.”
Dean already knew that, it was obvious before he and Sam had really even gotten to work on the case. There are a lot of plants with supernatural properties, though generally they require human tampering to do anything this serious. He’s shocked to hear a doctor admit she has no better explanation, though; these science types usually go out of their way to deny the truth. The fact that this lady is so calm about it makes Dean grip his gun a little tighter-it has to be her, but at the same time, he’s wondering why she’s making it so easy for him to figure her out.
“Let’s just say you’re right and your plant is magic-“
“You’re taking me seriously?”
“Extremely. Now tell me why you can touch the plant and other people turn into demented bunny rabbits and keel over from just getting too close?”
“I’ve already been infected.” The woman smiles at Dean’s piqued interest and twirls a golden band on her finger. “You become immune once you’ve gone through it once, like the chicken pox.”
“So why are you still kicking when four people are dead?”
“It’s not an evil plant. It isn’t trying to take lives. It’s trying to give people what they want. If those people had stopped denying themselves and just given in to their desires, they would be here as healthy as I am.”
“Care to explain?”
“I don’t know all the details. The woman who held my position before me, she was my mentor for a long time, she’s the one who brought the plant in. I think she’s the one who made it special. Anyway, she brought it as a gift for me.”
“How kind.”
“It was. She wanted me happy. And, well, it was the best thing that ever happened to me!”
“Oh?”
“I’d been in love with Dr. Jackson, he’s the man who escorted you in, for three years and I never had the nerve to say anything. Now we’re married!”
“The plant made you say something?”
“More than that. It makes all of your desire get ten times worse, like going through puberty in three days and with more tension than a thousand fourteen year olds. After all that time giggling and running away from him, well. We were working alone in the lab and I kind of….” she blushes and ducks her head; Dean has to work really hard not to laugh at the thought of this nice, straight laced lady jumping some guy’s bones.
“I think I’ve got the picture.”
“Oh, good. Well, anyway. As soon as you satisfy that craving, you’re fine. But after three days if you’re still wanting your body can’t handle all of the hormones. Instant death. You’d have to be pretty damn far in denial for that to happen, though. I didn’t make it more than an hour. It hurts, that kind of frustration.”
“But two of the victims were having sex when they passed away. How do you die of sexual frustration while you’re having sex?”
“It has to be what you want most, you can’t just have any old sex.”
“You know I should arrest you for letting something that dangerous exist without reporting it, right?”
“I know. I just couldn’t do it. It’s brought me such happiness and it truly is a remarkable specimen for study.”
Dean reluctantly lets go of his gun and relaxes.
“Anyway, are we done? I already know your partner is killing my plant and I’m not exactly thrilled, so now that I’ve told you everything…”
“One more thing. Where is this mentor of yours?”
“Dr. Garson passed away last September.”
“Well damn.” Dean is a little relieved. He’s not in love with the concept of wasting old ladies, even if they are murderous witches.
_______________________________________________________________
By the time Dean gets home, Sam is sitting at the edge of his bed watching some back logged football game Dean knows Sam already saw the final score for.
“Bored much?”
“Jesus, Dean. I thought you were never coming back.”
“I made a friend. A very talkative friend.”
“Did you…I mean, was she…a threat?” Sam winces. Dean could tell that he’d liked the botanist the first time they’d met her, maybe it was a spiritual geek connection of some kind. That’s why Dean had sent Sam to kill the plant, which seemed like a fairly nonthreatening task, while he figured out if he would have to do anything Sam’s overdeveloped moral consciousness wouldn’t like.
“Relax, Poison Ivy is alive and well.”
“It wasn’t her, then?”
“Naw, and the lady who did it kicked the bucket a few months back of natural causes, so you don’t have to cry or anything.”
“Bite me.”
“How about the Pon Farr flower, we good?”
“Yeah. The roots were growing out of a hex bag. Just had to take them out of there and torch the bag. Bobby said that would be enough, but I torched the plant, too, just in case.”
“You touched it?”
“Yes.”
“You touched the fucking plant that kills people who touch it?”
“I feel fine.”
“How stupid are you, Sam?”
“Dean, it was killing people. There was no way to get the bag out of there without touching the plant. Anyway, I didn’t know that was how it worked.”
“It could kill you.”
“Dean…we’re hunters. We deal with stuff that could kill us all the time. And I. feel. fine. I’m pretty sure its mojo wears off when the hex bag is out of commission. I felt kind of tingly at first, but it went away as soon as the bag was out. It’s not gonna be a problem.”
“Whatever,” Dean grumbles. “Let’s get the fuck out of this place.”
_______________________________________________________________
For five hours, it’s smooth sailing from there. Sam rides shot gun and complains about Dean’s music until he thinks Dean isn’t paying attention to him and then he starts to tap out the beats on his thigh subconsciously. The world is as it should be.
But then Dean realizes that for maybe three miles, something really nice has been going on and he hadn’t even thought twice about it. Sam’s hand is groping his thigh and when Dean looks down in surprise and then at Sam, Sam is staring out of the window distracted and his other hand is pawing at his own cock. Dean swallows a lump and tries to push out all of the dirty thoughts, restrains himself from thinking about the fact that Sam is touching himself and Sam’s hand is groping him and Sam is hard. Because if Dean is going to call Sam’s attention to this very inappropriate behavior, he should really not be hard himself.
“Hey there, a little excited?”
Sam looks over at Dean perplexedly, then let’s out a tiny shout of horror and pulls both of his hands away.
“What the hell, Sam?”
“Oh, God,” Sam says, horrified. “I think it got me.”
Dean doesn’t say anything. He pulls into the first motel they pass, a dump for taking whores too far out of any town to get caught. It’s enough of a shit hole that even Sam and Dean don’t feel at home, but Dean pays for a night and takes his brother’s arm, dragging him to the room and earning a disgusted look from the red neck behind the counter. Apparently this deep in the Bible belt, even places built for shady sex frown upon two overly friendly males. Dean wishes Sam didn’t look quite as debauched, but it’s not like it’s the first time someone’s gotten the wrong idea about them. Hell, it’s not like Dean hasn’t been getting the wrong idea for the last six years.
_______________________________________________________________
Sam fidgets uncomfortably and Dean stares at the ceiling, the floor, anything but Sam. Not that it’s actually working because he keeps sneaking glances. Sam’s flushed and doing his best to keep a brave face through it.
“I think it’s Jess,” he says sadly for the hundredth time. Dean feels the same little stab he felt the other ninety-nine times and paces a little faster.
“It’s not Jess.”
“It has to be Jess. I still love her, Dean. I’ve missed her so much-for a year and a half now. It’s got to be Jess.”
“Shut up, it’s not. Think of something else.”
It can’t be Jess. Jess is dead and if it’s Jess, Sam can’t get this out of his system. If it’s Jess, Sam is dead, too. So it isn’t Jess.
“I don’t know what to tell you, Dean.”
“Well, you haven’t gotten laid since, you know. Since then, right?”
Sam shakes his head and neither of them is weirded out enough by how much they know about each other’s sex lives.
“So maybe you just need a girl. Any girl. You must be horny as hell, even without this. Maybe it’ll be good for you to finally get some.”
Sam groans and falls back on the bed. “I don’t want any girl. I want the person I love. I want Jess. I’m going to die.”
“I’m gonna go out and find you a girl, Sam, and you’re gonna have a good time and be fine in the morning, okay? Nobody is dying.”
Sam shrugs and looks away. “Okay, Dean. Whatever helps you sleep at night.”
Dean starts walking towards the door and suddenly Sam sits up and barks out his name urgently. Dean turns and looks at him.
“Yeah?”
“Just. Hurry, please. It hurts.” Sam’s face looks like the kid Dean used to patch up after hunts and Dean hates that his little brother trusts him enough to look at him so openly, even about something like this, something Dean should have no part in. Dean hurts, too. Not just because Sam is in pain, but because if Sam would say the word, Dean would do everything possible to take that pain away. Usually, Dean is pretty okay with that, but tonight it just reminds him that he wants to ruin everything Sam believes in.
“I’m gonna save you, Sammy. Just hold on.”
_______________________________________________________________
Dean finds a strip with plenty of girls in no time. The jerk at the counter seems pretty relieved when Dean asks where he can find some girls and even offers him a second room on the house. Some people will do a lot to avoid the thought of gay sex going on in their motel. Dean gladly accepts the offer, even though the idea of leaving Sam alone when he’s in trouble puts him on edge. He can’t exactly sit on the bed across from Sam while Sam is in the act to make sure everything goes as planned-Sam wouldn’t want that and Sam has to get exactly what he wants.
The girl Dean chooses for Sam is exactly Sam’s type-or at least Sam’s type according to what Dean remembers from the girls Sam dated before he saw Jessica. She’s a busty brunette with smart brown eyes and looks exceptionally clean for a whore in the middle of nowhere. She smiles at Dean warmly when he pulls up next to her and doesn’t even blink an eye when he tells her he’s picking her up for someone else. That’s about the best he can hope for. Dean is pretty sure he’s in good shape.
Sam looks at her like a steak when he opens the door and immediately pulls her into the room, giving Dean a sorry look for being so rushed before he slams the door. Dean sits outside the room for hours and hours waiting for the girl to leave. He can hear shouts from inside and he ignores the urge to picture what’s causing them. His dick doesn’t relax the entire time. He’s dozing into filthy half-dreams when the door opens and the girl stumbles out. Dean gets up to pay her, but she pushes his hand away. She looks exhausted, but she’s smiling around her now-sloppy make-up.
“No charge. I needed that.”
Lust slams Dean like a semi-truck and he reaches out to pull her back before she can start walking back to where he’d found her.
“I’ll double what we agreed on if you’ll come back to my room.”
Dean doesn’t care that it’s messed up on a level even Winchesters usually shy away from. He wants to feel what Sam did to her, taste the places Sam’s lips might have been, slide his cock into the wetness his brother left behind.
“You’re his brother, right?”
Dean nods, waiting for the disgusted look. The girl just shakes her head as if she’s lamenting the loss of something beautiful.
“Honey, I wish. I can’t handle that twice in one night.”
Just like that she walks off, almost a limp between her heels and the soreness Sam’s fucking caused. Dean never in his life thought he’d be jealous of a whore, but he’d do anything for that limp.
He knocks at Sam’s door and his brother peeks his head out, disheveled and exhausted.
“Hey, everything okay?”
“Yeah. Fine. Doing great. Good night.”
Sam closes the door and Dean goes reluctantly to his room-he hadn’t actually intended to sleep apart from Sam after the problem was solved, but he could see why Sam would feel uncomfortable having him around after what they both knew he’d just done.
_______________________________________________________________
The next morning, Sam opens the door reluctantly and it’s immediately obvious that he’s worse off than the night before.
“Sam, what the fuck? You said you were okay.”
“I know, Dean. I lied. I didn’t want you to worry.”
“We could have tried something else, you fucking idiot! You’re wasting time and you’re weakening yourself.”
“What’s the point? Dean, you know fucking some whore isn’t going to help, right? I’ve been in love. I’ve had someone I care about. I’m not ever going to want anything more than that again. Unless Jess shows up or I mysteriously meet and fall in love with some dream girl by tomorrow…I just think you need to be realistic here and accept what’s going to happen.”
“I’ll be back soon, okay? Just hold on.”
“Dean-“
But Dean is already halfway to the Impala.
_______________________________________________________________
Dean sees the girl from last night and she looks prettier, like she took extra care getting dressed up. Dean wonders if Sam’s ruined her for anyone else and briefly considers asking her to give him a chance again. He decides against it. He isn’t there to have fun and he needs to worry about Sam, not getting laid. Her eyes light up a little when she sees the car approaching and her disappointment is obvious when Dean bypasses her for a tall blonde. This girl isn’t as pretty, but she has an incredibly appealing quality-if Sam doesn’t look too closely, she could pass for Jess easy.
Sam gasps a little when he first sees her and sends Dean an annoyed look. It melts into something sorry when Dean silently begs him to give it a try. Sam understands how much Dean needs him to do everything he can and it’s not like Sam wants to die, he’s just given up hope. Sam is about to close the door when Dean stops it with one hand.
“Sam, I…I need to make sure you don’t lie to me again.”
“What are you suggesting?”
“I have to stay, okay? Just ignore me.”
“Dean, that’s really we-“
“You think I don’t know what it is?” Dean’s voice wavers and Sam relents. “Sam, I’m not going to let you die over this.”
Sam eventually nods and turns to the girl. He strips her and starts kissing her with tenderness that isn’t intended for her at all. Dean’s pretending not to watch too closely, but his eyes are trained on his brother over the pages of the auto magazine he’s holding. Whenever Dean catches a glance of Sam’s face, his eyes are closed and he looks sadder than he has in a long time. Dean wishes there was another way, something that didn’t make all of the progress Sam’s made recovering from Jess’s death backtrack, but Sam seems to get into it, is obviously working hard to fool himself. His eyes are heavy lidded and the tenderness doesn’t let up. Dean watches Sam’s lips cover every inch of the girl’s skin-she’s making little surprised noises as Sam trails kisses down her neck until he reaches her breasts. From the look on her face, Dean is pretty sure no one’s ever made love to her before.
Sam’s still dressed, he’s not even thinking about himself. Everything he does is to please this stranger and Dean feels guilty for even thinking it was a good idea. Sam’s lips leave a thin trail of saliva as they part from one full breast and move to suck the other one into his mouth. His fingers are working into her and Dean must be imagining it, but he swears he can see how wet she is. His cock is rock hard and he’s almost completely forgotten about the pretence of reading-not that Sam notices his staring. Sam is in his own world.
When Sam’s tongue stops playing with the girl’s nipple, he takes his fingers out of her and goes back up for a kiss. He pushes his fingers into her mouth so she can taste herself. The girl doesn’t seem to respond the way Sam is expecting and, for a second Sam seems to remember where he is and who he’s really with. He buries his head in the blonde hair for a few moments and moans out a name Dean has rarely heard him say in the last year and a half-except for late at night when he thinks Dean is asleep.
“I’m gonna make it up to you, Jess,” Sam promises. The girl looks over at Dean sadly and seems to understand. She says nothing; she knows she would be interrupting.
Dean nearly loses it when Sam buries his face in her cunt, hands wrapping around and gripping her thighs for support. The girl’s fingers curl in Sam’s hair-exactly the way Dean has been dreaming of clutching his brother’s tangled mane since Sam was hardly more than a kid. She’s crying out loud and Dean knows enough about eating pussy to be sure she’s not faking anything. Dean’s blood boils-Sam isn’t supposed to prove all of his twisted fantasies true.
She comes fast; Sam keeps going for a while afterwards, getting his face filthy in her mess. He comes up and she kisses him before he can kiss her, gladly licks herself off of him. That seems to be the response Sam is expecting and he lifts her off the bed and carries her easily despite her large frame onto the dresser. The cabinets have a mirror attached and Dean almost says something-it doesn’t seem safe, considering how hard Dean knows Sam is about to fuck her. But then Sam starts to fumble his jeans off as the girl pulls his shirt up and while Sam takes the time to put on a condom, Dean realizes he can see every inch of skin on his brother both from the front and the back from where he’s sitting. He shuts his mouth about the mirror and selfishly prepares to enjoy it.
Sam doesn’t disappoint. The way he fucks into the girl has her shouting out and coming all over again. Sam keeps going and going, apparently still too firmly in the grip of the pollen to come or get any kind of relief. Dean starts to get antsy and stands to watch him more closely, forgetting that he’d taken his own cock out a while ago and was lazily stroking it as he watched his brother fucking. The movement catches Sam’s attention-Dean is terrified when Sam makes eye contact with him in the mirror and Sam’s eyes flicker down to Dean’s cock. Dean doesn’t stop fucking into his hand-he can’t. Sam licks his lips and starts to thrust against the girl with shorter, more powerful thrusts. Dean speeds up to match him. Sam’s eyes are dark and the face he’s making-it’s not entirely Sam. He’s half-caught up in the craze from how horny he is and he doesn’t seem to remember that it’s wrong; he’s obviously getting off on Dean watching him, on seeing Dean touching himself. Dean comes when he realizes Sam is deriving sexual enjoyment from seeing him, only hating it a little because Sam will be disgusted if he remembers it in the morning and because he knows Sam would never get off on him under normal circumstances. Not long after that, while Dean’s cock is still hanging limply out of his jeans and the come on Dean’s hand is still cooling, Sam throws his head back with a curse and comes with so much force Sam is still shaking a minute later.
He pulls out quickly once he’s recovered, as if appalled at what he’d done. Dean hears him whisper an “I’m sorry,” to Jess, or to the girl who wasn’t Jess, or maybe even to Dean. Dean just smiles because the dick Sam is tucking into his jeans is soft and Dean is pretty sure that means that whatever its pitfalls, his plan had worked.
_______________________________________________________________
His plan had not worked. Sam manages to sleep but Dean can hear how fitful it is-Sam is having a sex dream that lasts all night. He can’t even get the embarrassing relief of a wet dream; he just writhes in bed making sounds Dean wishes he could swallow. The sounds torture Dean as much as they do Sam. Maybe more.
Sam wakes up the next morning and can’t even move out of bed. He lies there with his cock out all day, stroking, stroking, furious, unrelenting. Dean talks to Sam but his words all seem directed at Sam’s cock, he doesn’t have the strength to take his eyes away from it. Sam doesn’t have the energy to notice-he’s breaking from the pressure and nothing he does is helping.
Dean sees Sam’s arm growing tired, watches Sam’s cock start to get red and chaffed from too much contact. Dean’s immediate thought is that he could give Sam a break, that his mouth could be warm and comforting to that swollen skin. He kills the thought.
It’s not just the three horniest days of Sam’s life-Sam being this turned on is killing Dean, on top of the worry that he’ll lose his brother over this, which is too awful for Dean to even give proper consideration.
Time is wilting away and Dean realizes with a jolt that Sam only has three hours before he’s a goner. He breaks into desperate tears and grabs his brother’s shoulder and shakes him. Sam pauses from touching himself and cringes as if his dick is already going to fall off from lack of use.
“Sam, you gotta give me something to work with. Anything, Sammy. Please, please. I can’t let you die if we don’t try everything. Give me something.”
“I don’t…” Sam shrugs. “I used to fuck guys sometimes before I met Jess. I didn’t ever really intend to tell you, but there it is. That’s all I’ve got. It’s not going to work. I don’t want it that bad. But if you want to pretend there’s a shot in hell left, that’s all I’ve got.”
“It’s…Sam. The nearest town is three miles from here and it’s not exactly going to have a gay scene. Why didn’t you tell me before?”
“I’m not really thinking straight, man.” Sam gestures down and Dean tries not to look. He turns and slams his hands down on the dresser in frustration, he doesn’t even realize Sam has stopped and gotten up until a hand slides comforting on to his shoulder.
“I’m sorry, Dean. You shouldn’t have to go through this just because I was stupid. I’m so sorry to both of us.”
Dean’s mind is flittering from one bad idea to the next. He lands on the one he should be ignoring. Sam said he wanted to be with someone he loves, said he wanted a man. Sam loves Dean, even if he doesn’t Love Dean like Dean has always Loved him, and Dean is a man. It only seems fair to Dean that those things should come together and lead to results. Dean can’t believe in a world that would take his baby brother from him like this. He turns and says the last thing he ever intended to say to Sam.
“Do it to me.”
“What?”
“You said you need a guy, right? It doesn’t matter who? I’m a guy, Sam. Fuck me.”
“Dean, I told you, I don’t think it’s going to work. God, how can you even suggest that when it probably won-“
“Sam, if there’s a chance in hell, fuck me.”
“No way. You’ve already had to get way more involved in this than is fair to you. All of this is so fucked up, I’m not going to make it worse. I’m not going to make that the last memory you have of me.”
“Sam, please. Please, do it because I want you to.”
“You only want me to beca-“
“No, Sam. I’ve wanted you to forever. I know it’s wrong. But if it can save you…let me have this tonight, that’s all I’m asking for. And you’ll make it out alive. You can hate me for it tomorrow.”
“No. Never. I can’t do that to you after everything you’ve done for me.”
“I never was going to tell you, Sammy. I never would have done this to you. Not to you, I never would have, I swear. But I have to if it can save you…please try to forgive me someday.”
Dean reaches down and wraps his fingers around Sam’s thick cock. He lets out a dull sob because it’s something he’s been dreaming about since he was hardly more than a teenager and it should be perfect, but instead it’s a last desperate hope to cling to. Sam growls at the touch, as incapable of resisting as Dean had hoped he would be.
Long fingers are on the back of Dean’s head immediately and he knows that if he had enough hair to hold on to, Sam would be tugging him closer. Instead, Sam can only get enough of a grip to jerk Dean’s lips up in his direction. Sam’s savage kiss is violating and within seconds he’s deep in Dean’s mouth. Dean groans into it, trying his best to match it. He backs up and falls onto the bed, sitting with Sam’s cock on eye level with him. He thinks of sucking it into his mouth, but he’s not sure they have enough time. If it’s fucking Sam needs, Dean wants him to get all the fucking he can handle.
He makes short work of his clothes, as does Sam, then crawls up the bed.
“You want me to open myself up for you? So you don’t have to touch me?” He’s on all fours and he throws the question over his shoulder, just catches sight of Sam climbing onto the bed behind him.
“No,” Sam answers shakily. “This part always turned me on.”
Dean’s thrilled by hearing Sam tell him things like that and he makes a note to memorize everything Sam does or tells him. He feels a spit-slicked finger push into him and crook. Dean’s fucked guys on occasion. When the opportunity presented itself, Dean has taken up a few brown haired boys with bodies that could never compare to the one hovering over him, the one he knows so intimately he can rattle off every scar on Sam’s naked flesh without turning, even though Sam is his brother. But Dean has never been fucked, has never had anything in there. He’s sure it should feel weird or uncomfortable but it’s Sam so it’s perfect and Dean begs for more. Sam adds another finger, long digits scissoring inside him and touching something only Sam would ever be allowed to touch, something Dean wants him to touch forever.
“Enough, Sam. Get on with it.”
“Do you have lube?”
Fuck. Dean hadn’t really thought of that.
“No, forget it, just fuck me. I’ll live.”
“Mmm, I dunno. I got an awful lot to give you.”
Sam’s lips are on his neck and Dean shivers as Sam’s tongue slides down his skin, down his spine, lower and lower-
Dean gasps and pulls the pillow he’d been grasping closer. Sam’s tongue is inside of him, slicking him up and playing at the edges of his hole. It feels nice, nicer than Dean ever imagined it could. When Dean can feel cold air contrasting the warmth of Sam’s tongue, he knows his brother pulled away. He doesn’t expect what Sam does next. Sam turns Dean’s head to see his brother’s cock right there and before Dean can think, Sam forces it into his mouth. Dean tries to suck but it’s too much at once-his mouth waters so much it dribbles down his chin and Sam’s eyes are closed, his face looking relieved and almost calm for the first time in days.
He fucks into Dean a few times before letting Dean work at him-he’s never sucked a cock and Sam’s isn’t exactly beginner’s size. Still, he’s determined to make his brother feel good and Sam pulls away with a satisfied moan. Then Sam slides back behind Dean and within moments, Sam is buried balls-deep in him.
“Fuck!” Sam gasps. “Oh, God, you’re so tight. I’m gonna fuck you so hard you’ll never feel anyone else.”
Sam makes good on his promise. He’s fast and starved and his lips suck at Dean’s skin, leaving possessive marks Dean is sure he’ll regret in the morning. He feels Sam’s teeth sink into him, hungry, and when Sam kisses him it’s chaotic and almost painfully good. It’s not the Love making he’d been dreaming of for so long, it’s not even the pretend affection Sam had given the whore the night before. It’s sex: hard and fast and still wonderful. Dean doesn’t acknowledge the disappointment-he’s getting fucked by his brother, which is more than he’d ever dared to hope for. Dean has no right to expect better.
Not that it needs to get better. It burns a little but it’s the best thing he’s ever felt and he catches himself rocking back onto Sam’s cock before he remembers this is supposed to only be for Sam, Sam is supposed to call the shots. Sam laughs low and husky when Dean stops fucking against him.
“You like my cock, huh? You’re a little slut for it.”
Dean groans out Sam’s name and suddenly Sam freezes.
“Oh God. Dean, I’m so sorry. I forgot it was…I can’t talk like that to you.”
“I do like it, wanna feel it all the way inside of me, Sam. Don’t stop.”
Sam’s entire body presses against Dean’s back, he’s so close Dean can feel every muscle on his brother’s chest. Sam’s lips come all the way to his ear and what he whispers is almost as much a threat as it is a request.
“Beg for it.” Sam’s tongue grazes Dean’s ear and he begins to work at it, taking the lobe between his lips and teeth. The sensitive area stimulates every nerve in Dean’s body.
“Gimme your cock, Sam. All of it. Fuck me, fuck me hard.”
Sam does what Dean asks, every thrust hits Dean’s sweet spot and Dean isn’t touching himself, but he still worries briefly that he’s going to come too soon.
“Sammy!”
Sam stops and pulls out of Dean, falls to his side panting. Dean is terrified. He should have known better than to call Sam that during this, but he hadn’t thought about it.
“You can’t give up because I made that mistake,” Dean thinks. “You can’t when I had a chance to save you.”
Sam surprises Dean by laughing hysterically and Dean turns over to face his brother. Sam’s gone crazy, he’s sure, or suddenly decided gallows humor is for him after all. When he sees Dean looking at him confused, Sam reaches out to him and pulls him in for a tender kiss.
“Can you believe how fucking stupid I am?”
Dean doesn’t get the joke.
“Dean, kiss me back. I know what I want, what I need. God, it’s so obvious. Kiss me.”
Dean slots his mouth over Sam’s. Sam is smiling his beautiful dimpled smile and doesn’t stop laughing so that Dean can taste how happy he is.
“What is it, Sammy? Tell me and I’ll make it happen.”
“So stupid, Dean, for my entire life, so stupid.” He kisses Dean again, it’s like he’s forgotten how to do anything else and as much as Dean likes that, Sam is still hard and dying from it and there are more important things to do.
“Sam!”
“There I was, whining for Love. Fuck, Dean, I’ve been in Love with you forever and I didn’t even know it.”
“You don’t mean-“
“Yeah, I do. I need you, Dean. I need you to prove how much you want me, okay? Fuck me, however you want to, just fill me up with your come. That’s what’s gonna save me. That’s all I ever need.”
Sam turns over on his back and spreads his legs wide open. He feeds Dean a few digits, Dean sucks hungrily. Then Sam takes his fingers back and tells Dean to watch him as he slides them into himself, getting ready for Dean’s cock. Dean’s eyes are trained on Sam touching himself as he reaches for a condom but Sam beats his hand away.
“Sam, I’ve been around, you know that. I don’t wanna make you-“
“If I don’t feel your skin, I will literally die. I trust you, Dean. I know you won’t hurt me.”
Even though that should, theoretically, be out of Dean’s control, he’s positive that even if he had anything, his body would know better than to spread it to his brother. He uses one finger to slide along the shaft of Sam’s cock, which is coated with an impressive line of precome. He uses his brother’s moisture to get his cock nice and wet so he can slide into Sam without hurting him.
“Do you think that’s enough?” he asks worriedly. Sam snorts.
“Trust me, Dean, I’m not a virgin. I can handle a lot.”
Dean claims Sam’s mouth and slowly, tenderly, he dips into Sam. When he pulls away from the kiss, Sam is smiling up at him warm and adoring. Dean moves slowly and at first, he’s worried Sam will complain. It’s the polar opposite of what Sam had been doing to him. But Sam makes content sounds, heavy eyes looking up into Dean’s as if blinking will ruin something.
They stay in that rhythm for a while, Dean eagerly Loving his brother with all those years of agitated desire and Sam lets him, murmurs encouragement that makes Dean’s heart drop in the best way possible. Then Sam wraps his long legs around Dean and begins to fuck up onto his brother’s cock, unashamed to be taking over. Dean happily gives his brother control and bites his lips to try to contain how good his brother is making him feel.
“You need me to touch you? I’m gonna come soon.”
“No, Dean, just let me have it. Love you so much. I just want to feel how good it is for you.”
Dean smiles into his brother’s neck and sucks a little reminder into the skin, this is mine. He lets go, gasps out Sam’s name and baby and I Love you and before he has time to pull away, he feels Sam’s orgasm hit his stomach-a steady stream with more pressure than he’d ever thought was possible. Sam comes and comes and doesn’t let up, three days of unrestrained frustration slowly working its way out of his brother’s cock. Dean moves down and sucks it into his mouth, swallows as much as he can before he comes up choking. Sam is keening loudly and Dean holds his brother’s dick steady as he rubs his face against it reverently, lets the come coat his face, get in his hair. It’s the best thing Dean has ever tasted or felt-it means Sam is going to live, because of him, and that Sam wants him, Loves him.
He’s not surprised when Sam doesn’t just black out from it but passes into a bone-tired sleep, finally relaxed and satisfied. Dean lies in Sam’s mess for a while, touches his brother just because he can before getting out of bed and cleaning himself and Sam off as much as possible. When he slides back into bed, he wraps his body around Sam and holds his brother close. He knows Sam will sleep for a good eight hours-probably longer-and that when he wakes up he’ll be too worn out for sex for days. Dean doesn’t care. He’s holding Sam-he can do that now, whenever he wants. Dean is sure that as long as that’s true, things will be okay. He presses his cheek to Sam’s chest and lets the still accelerated but steadying beat lull him out of consciousness. He falls asleep thinking he’ll never be so happy again in his life, but he wakes up to Sam kissing him, and he was wrong. It only gets better.