Supernatural: Breaking the Girl
Title: Breaking the Girl
Fandom: Supernatural
Characters/Pairings: Sam/Dean
Genre: Smutty? Crack? I give up on trying to label this stuff.
Rating: R for Incest, Weecest (Sam is anywhere between 16-18 years old), Sexual Content, and Language
Word Count: 3,773
Author’s Note: Written for the spnland genderswap challenge. Title shamelessly stolen from a beautiful and girl!Sam appropriate Red Hot Chili Peppers song. ETA 5/7/2013: Thanks to eos_rose, you can now read this in epub format here.
Summary: Sam gets turned into a girl and sees it as a chance to finally get what he’s wanted for years.
Sam stepped lightly, trying his best not to draw attention. He felt as if everyone was staring at him, ridiculous as that sounded. There was nothing unusual about him, at least not from a stranger’s point of view, but Sam nonetheless wanted to find Dean and get out as soon as possible.
“Dean,” he snapped, having to go on tiptoes to reach his brother’s shoulder for the first time in years.
Dean turned around, his eyes going wide and then a smile Sam had seen a million times-though never directed at him-broke out on Dean’s face.
“I don’t believe we’ve met, sweetheart.”
His expression was unapologetically interested and Sam had to push away the urge to go along with it, let Dean lead him out to the back alley or to the Impala and not mention until it was over that oops, by the way, I’m your brother. It was a notion he could only briefly entertain, and never seriously, but before he got the chance to disillusion his big brother, Dean’s mouth dropped open and Sam should have known Dean would only need to take one really close look to recognize him.
“Holy shit. Sam?”
Sam nodded and Dean grabbed him by the arm. He turned to the kids he was in the middle of a pool game with and threw a few bills into the center of the table.
“Sorry, guys. I’d love to take your money, but it looks like game over.”
“Hey, wait, come back. Your girlfriend can stay. Hell, she’s cute enough to pay off your debts when we beat you.”
Sam thought he saw Dean’s hand making for the gun tucked into the back of his shirt and Sam stilled him and pulled him towards the door.
“Let’s just go, okay?”
Dean sent one last angry glare in the pool table’s direction and nodded. He didn’t say a word to Sam until they were back in the motel, and that was fine by Sam.
“Want to explain what the hell happened to you?”
Sam worried at his bottom lip, it tasted like cherry lip gloss. He didn’t even know where that had come from. “I was hustling this guy at cards-“
“How many times have I told you not to hustle alone?”
“Really, Dean? Can we do the ‘I told you so’s when we get this sorted out?”
“Fine. You were hustling some guy at cards. What next?”
“Well, I was doing really well! You would have been so proud!”
Dean’s eyebrow lifted, but the annoyed tightness in his jaw didn’t slacken.
“Anyway, it turns out the guy I was hustling…was kind of a sprite. And…he didn’t like losing at cards so much.”
“Dammit, Sam! This is why I tell you to wait before you choose who you’re going up against. There are tells for that kind of thing, man. You’re supposed to look-“
“I know, I know. The birthmark on his wrist. I forgot.”
“Well, lovely. You screwed up an easy task and now I have to, what, call dad and tell him you magically grew boobs?”
Sam shot forward. “You can’t tell dad!”
“I really hate to point this out, but I think he’ll notice.”
“Not if he doesn’t come home before we fix it!”
“Oh, good! We’re going to fix it. How were we going to fix it again?”
“I haven’t really gotten it figured out just yet. This happened forty minutes ago, if you’ll recall.”
“You’d better figure it out soon. Dad could be home any day and he’ll be more pissed off if we don’t tell him.”
“We could try to find the sprite and ask him-“
“To change you back? Because he’s such a fan of yours, right?”
“Maybe it’ll fade away. He could have just been trying to teach me a lesson.”
“Hell of a special way to teach a lesson, don’t you think?”
“Dean, will you please stop with the attitude? I know I screwed up, okay? I’m freaked out and uncomfortable and I really don’t need you treating me like an idiot on top of it.”
Dean scowled for a few more seconds and then his expression melted. He sat down on the bed next to Sam and nodded. “Yeah, okay. Fine. We’ll figure this out, Sammy.”
“We’ve dealt with weirder before, right?”
“Somehow, yes we have.”
Sam took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down. “I’m not gonna be stuck like this forever.”
“Naw, Sam. We’re gonna fix it tomorrow. Everything’ll be back to normal in no time. Just…go to sleep and we’ll worry about it in the morning.”
Sam normally would have put up a fight just for the sake of disobeying Dean’s orders, but he figured he’d done enough disobeying for one night at his own expense. He went ahead and got ready for bed.
The next morning, he woke up hoping against hope that the spell was a bad dream, or a one-night thing. A quick glance down at his still very prominent chest, however, assured him that this was not the case.
“Man, I really screwed up this time,” Sam thought.
He got out of bed and found that he was alone in the room. He told himself that Dean had just gone out for breakfast and would be back in a bit and went to study himself in the mirror. Morbid curiosity was, after all, the Winchester way.
The sight that greeted him when he got to the bathroom wasn’t all that bad. Sam had to admit he was a pretty attractive girl, as embarrassing a realization as that was. And Sam probably wasn't as uncomfortable with it as he should have been. All he could think about was the way Dean had looked at him, with all of Sam's want mirrored back at him in a way Sam had never in a million years dared to hope for. That was enough to make Sam think he didn't mind this at all.
When Dean got back, he did have breakfast, but he didn't hang around to eat with Sam. He took off as soon as he'd gotten back, said he was going to try doing some research. When Sam offered to go with him, Dean just shook his head and closed the door on his little brother. He was gone all day and when he got back, he didn't talk to Sam or play cards or do any of the things they usually did. He went to his bed and glued his eyes to the television for the rest of the night, even when they were watching shows Sam liked that Dean was usually restless during.
It went on that way for days. At first, Sam was worried Dean was pissed at him and trying not to say anything. But when they were together, Sam caught the way Dean looked at him, and he realized that maybe it wasn't him Dean was angry with. Maybe he was dealing with all of the self-loathing Sam had been dealing with for years. Sam tried to tell himself he was imagining things.
Research went nowhere. They went back to the pool hall where it had happened but the sprite had left and Sam didn't think he would have helped them, anyway. The more desperate the situation started to look, the more Dean withdrew. Sam ached for his brother's company and had maybe spent too many years trying to ignore the fact that he wanted Dean. Now that Dean wanted him, too, things were supposed to get better. He decided to take some action.
That's why Dean woke up at midnight on a Wednesday with his little brother, in female form, straddling him. Dean smiled and began to pull Sam in for a moment before suddenly jolting awake and pushing Sam off him so fast that Sam nearly fell off the bed.
"What the fuck, Dean?" Sam asked, voice awkwardly high. "Didn't anyone ever teach you not to hit girls?"
"What the hell are you doing, Sam?"
"I...I was...you wanted me to."
"I don't know what you're talking about," Dean replied sharply, turning away from Sam in bed. "I'm going back to sleep and you oughta do the same."
But Sam had already taken the one risk he swore he would never take and now he knew for sure. Dean wanted him. Well, maybe not him, but he wanted this body and that was close enough for Sam.
"Dean," Sam began, sliding into the covers behind Dean and putting one delicate hand onto his shoulder. "It's okay that you want me. I want you, too."
"I don't want anything from you. Even if I do. Even if I did want you, we couldn't act on it. And I don't want to. So just leave me alone, okay?"
"I've seen how you look at me now. You can't lie to me, Dean. Not about something like that."
Dean's response was a short, bitter laugh. "Go to bed, Sam. Your own bed. And for the love of God, don't bring it up again."
Sam didn't even pause before he was pushing his lips against Dean's ear, whispering as his hand slid down Dean's body. "There's nothing wrong with wanting me, you know."
"Everything about it’s wrong. Christ, Sam you're my little-"
"What? Brother? I don't think I'm anyone's little brother. Not right now. And you don't have a sister, Dean."
Sam pressed a kiss into Dean's neck and pushed his body closer to Dean’s. He felt Dean shiver.
"Please don't, Sammy. I can't say no forever."
Dean's voice was weak and shaky and Sam thought about listening. But then he reflected on how miserable the last five years of his life had been, always wanting Dean and always knowing he would never, ever get what he wanted. This could be his only chance. He could change back into his regular self any moment and Sam wouldn't be able to live knowing he'd had an opportunity and blown it.
"Don't say no, then."
Sam pushed away the covers and pulled Dean onto his back, leaning down and kissing him hard and soft all at once. Dean’s mouth gave in to Sam within moments, one hand tangling in Sam’s long hair, and the other resting on the small of Sam’s back. Sam climbed back on top of Dean and let out a surprised sound. Dean was hard and being turned on in this body felt weird, completely different from what he was used to.
Sam pulled his shirt over his head and Dean’s eyes lit up when they fixed on Sam’s chest. He licked his lips and his hands were instantly working with the back of the bra. Sam felt a jealous thrill at how quickly Dean could unhook it-he’d been wearing the damn thing for days and still couldn’t figure it out.
Dean paused to look at Sam and as much as Sam loved feeling his brother’s eyes on him, he felt empty and hot and couldn’t wait for Dean.
“Touch me,” he begged. Dean responded immediately, his hands and then his lips covering Sam in places that hadn’t existed last week. Sam didn’t know how he’d lived without them, without Dean doing this to him, and as the night went on that feeling only grew.
He woke up the next morning tangled in the sheets and in his brother. Dean’s fingers were ghosting tenderly up and down his arm.
“Want breakfast?”
Dean asked as soon as he knew Sam was awake. Sam just nodded. Dean surprised him-didn’t stay hidden away and make him eggs and toast. He took Sam out; sat on the same side of the booth with an arm around Sam’s shoulders, put his arm around Sam’s slim waist when they were walking. For a few more days it was like that: Sam went to see Dean at the garage after school and Dean introduced him as his girl, not his little brother. Sam had never been so happy in his entire life.
Of course, things had to be ruined. Sam and Dean weren’t allowed to have this and Sam should have known it would be Dad that would spoil things.
He came home unannounced late on Sunday night. Dean had his hand up Sam’s shirt and Sam had been pretty sure they were both about to get shot until he realized they just had to play it cool.
Dean pulled away in a second, sitting stock still all the way on the other side of the bed. His nervousness was a little suspicious, but then Dean was always on edge around Dad. Sam knew that if he could play it off, they would be alright.
“Sorry to interrupt, Dean,” John said, not really sounding sorry as he dropped his things on the table by the door.
“No problem, sir.” Dean was out-of-breath and, even now, Sam had to enjoy seeing what he could do to Dean.
“Where’s your brother?”
“He’s…on a date, sir,” Dean replied, shooting a glance in Sam’s direction.
“…Sam is?”
“Yes, sir. With a girl from his class. They’ve been out all night.”
“Oh. Well, I’m just grabbing some things and leaving. You’ll tell him I was here?”
Dean nodded and tracked his father’s movements through the room. John gave Dean a curt nod as he made for the door and then turned back and addressed Sam.
“Do I know you?”
Sam smiled prettily and threw his hair, doing his best to seem comfortably feminine. “I’m Chelsea, Mr. Winchester. You and your boys helped me and my family out a few months back. Dean called to tell me you were in town and I just wanted to show him how thankful we were.”
Dean made a choking sound that could have been a laugh at Sam’s exaggerated southern accent.
“Oh, yeah. I remember now,” John said, obviously lying to spare the girl’s feelings. “Well, you kids have fun then.”
As soon as he’d closed the door, Sam and Dean collapsed onto the bed laughing. It wasn’t until hours later when they’d finished what John had interrupted that Dean broke Sam’s heart by pointing out the obvious truth that he’d been ignoring.
“We gotta get you back to normal before he comes back,” Dean murmured into Sam’s skin as they drifted off to sleep. Dean always held Sam like this now; his hand was resting casually on Sam’s thigh, so intimate and comfortable that Sam never wanted to move.
Sam pushed his body further into Dean’s arms. He wanted to be himself again…most of the time. But when Dean was touching him like this, when he thought of the proud look in Dean’s eyes when he introduced Sam as his girl-Dean would never be that tender with him in his real body. Hell, Dean wouldn’t even want him in his real body. And Sam wasn’t going to be able to go back to being Dean’s dorky little brother after a week being everything Dean wanted.
“No. What? Why?”
“Dad saw you, Sam. He’s not an idiot-if he doesn’t see you the next time he comes home he’s going to suspect something. And if he catches us together again…I mean, come on, Sam. You’re ridiculously hot like this, but when have I ever kept the same girl around for more than a few hours?”
Sam felt a surge of pride. The answer was never. Never until Sam. Sam couldn’t stand the idea of Dean letting this body go, letting her become another anonymous woman he forgot about as soon as the next one came along. Dean still wanted him and as long as that was true, Sam was willing to stay in this body.
“Fuck Dad,” Sam grumbled.
Dean laughed lightly. “Come on, don’t tell me you like being Samantha, dude. I will never be able to stop making fun of you.”
“I. Maybe I do.”
Dean sat up and looked at Sam, his expression some weird mix of emotions that even Sam couldn’t read. He wanted to see excitement there, hope that Sam would stay this way forever. Dean just moved to the edge of the bed and took his head in his hands.
“I won’t tell you what to do, Sam. Whatever makes you happy, I want you to be happy.”
Dean got up and went into the bathroom and when he returned, he got into the other bed, the one that hadn’t been slept in since Sam had snuck into Dean’s. Sam decided to try to repeat his success, but when Dean felt Sam’s weight shifting his mattress, he didn’t turn to take Sam into his arms.
“Dean,” Sam started, but Dean shook him off.
“I can’t right now, okay? I just can’t.”
“Dean, please. I know you like this body, I’m not going to let it go anywhere while you want it, I promise.”
“You want to stay this way for me?”
“I’ve wanted you since I’ve wanted anything, Dean. If this is the only way I can have you, I’ll live with it.”
“You never, ever do that, you understand me?” Dean had turned to face Sam and he looked so angry that Sam was afraid. “You never choose someone else over what you want. You’re too good for that, Sam.”
Sam nodded and reached out, cupping his face. “Dean, I want you more than anything. That’s it.”
“Well, I don’t want you stuck like this.”
“Yes you do. You love this body.”
“Sam, you know I think you’re beautiful like this. But…” Dean stopped talking for a long time, he turned away from Sam again and when he finally spoke, his voice was so small Sam almost didn’t hear it. “I miss my little brother.”
“Dean.”
“I’m sorry. I know it’s still you, I know that. But I miss him. All the time. He was…I just want him back.”
“I’m sorry you miss him. But you never looked at me when I was your brother. Which, fine, I get it, but I don’t think I can go on anymore just being your brother. Not after all this.”
“Sam, you’re an idiot.”
“Maybe I am! It’s wrong and disgusting and I don’t care. I want you, even when we are related.”
“You should know after a week that I wanted you. You think I would have trotted you around at the first possible opportunity if I wasn’t completely in lo-I was used to hiding it. That’s the only difference. I knew how to be your big brother when you were my baby brother. I was your brother first, you know, but I didn’t know how to have a little sister, all I knew was that I still wanted you.”
Dean turned; let his fingers move gently to rest on the back of Sam’s neck. He pulled Sam into a tender kiss and when he broke away, he rested his forehead against Sam’s and whispered a plea.
“Help me get you back, Sammy.”
Sam nodded into another kiss.
The next day they picked up all of the research that Sam had dropped as soon as he’d figured out that being a girl meant he could have Dean. It was a long three days of searching before anything turned up, but finally they hit upon a spell in an old book of white magic that Bobby had given Sam one summer when he’d been ten years old, bored out of his skull, and driving Bobby and Dean insane.
They mixed the potion and Sam drank it, it said it would be three hours before it worked and by two and a half, Sam was feeling sick and beginning to suspect they’d made a mistake. He ended up in the bathroom hugging the toilet for most of the wait while Dean worriedly tried to make him something to eat or drink that would settle him. Sam didn’t look different, except for the fact that his female features were now halfway to green.
Of course, with their luck (and because John seemed to have a radar for when it would be most inconvenient for him to get home), Sam heard the door open and Dean’s terrified greeting carried through the thin bathroom door.
“Where’s Sam?”
“Umm. Sam?”
“Yes. Your brother, Sam. I haven’t seen him in weeks.”
Sam bit back a bitter laugh, thanked his lucky stars that it was Dean and not him out there. Dean would never point out that John had only been home for five minutes in weeks.
“He. Is. In…He’s taking a shower.”
Sam waited until his father said something else to start the water running, wishing there was a way to stall for more time. He glanced at the mirror; it was still the unfamiliar girl’s face looking back at him.
“Shit,” he whispered under his breath. He heard a knock at the door and his heart gave out as his father cried that he had to hurry up because he was still dirty from his hunt.
Sam threw a desperate glance around the bathroom and saw nothing to use to buy time. And then he threw his glance back at the mirror he had skimmed over. A smile broke out on his face-he hadn’t expected the change to happen that quickly.
The bathroom door swung opened and Sam emerged in a cloud of smoke. Dean looked in his direction, pure terror on his face and John stepped in front of him before Dean could see him.
“What took you so long, Sam?”
“I was feeling sick, sir,” Sam answered. He smiled his rarest smile, the one he got to wear when he was pulling one over on his father and knew he would never get in trouble for it. John’s eyes lowered and widened at the scattered red marks allover Sam’s skin.
“You have a good time on that date the other night, son?” John asked and Sam couldn’t remember the last time John had sounded that proud of him. He heard Dean snort lightly from where he was lazily lying on the bed.
“Yes, sir, she was very friendly,” Sam said, throwing Dean a conspiratorial look. John just pushed into the bathroom, no suspicions of what his sons had just gotten away with.
Sam moved immediately to the bed; let Dean kiss him-their first time as brothers. Dean immediately threw aside the towel Sam was wearing and licked his lips. He returned the favors Sam had been giving him all week; it was a lucky thing Sam didn’t last long. He was dressed before John was out of the shower.
Fandom: Supernatural
Characters/Pairings: Sam/Dean
Genre: Smutty? Crack? I give up on trying to label this stuff.
Rating: R for Incest, Weecest (Sam is anywhere between 16-18 years old), Sexual Content, and Language
Word Count: 3,773
Author’s Note: Written for the spnland genderswap challenge. Title shamelessly stolen from a beautiful and girl!Sam appropriate Red Hot Chili Peppers song. ETA 5/7/2013: Thanks to eos_rose, you can now read this in epub format here.
Summary: Sam gets turned into a girl and sees it as a chance to finally get what he’s wanted for years.
Sam stepped lightly, trying his best not to draw attention. He felt as if everyone was staring at him, ridiculous as that sounded. There was nothing unusual about him, at least not from a stranger’s point of view, but Sam nonetheless wanted to find Dean and get out as soon as possible.
“Dean,” he snapped, having to go on tiptoes to reach his brother’s shoulder for the first time in years.
Dean turned around, his eyes going wide and then a smile Sam had seen a million times-though never directed at him-broke out on Dean’s face.
“I don’t believe we’ve met, sweetheart.”
His expression was unapologetically interested and Sam had to push away the urge to go along with it, let Dean lead him out to the back alley or to the Impala and not mention until it was over that oops, by the way, I’m your brother. It was a notion he could only briefly entertain, and never seriously, but before he got the chance to disillusion his big brother, Dean’s mouth dropped open and Sam should have known Dean would only need to take one really close look to recognize him.
“Holy shit. Sam?”
Sam nodded and Dean grabbed him by the arm. He turned to the kids he was in the middle of a pool game with and threw a few bills into the center of the table.
“Sorry, guys. I’d love to take your money, but it looks like game over.”
“Hey, wait, come back. Your girlfriend can stay. Hell, she’s cute enough to pay off your debts when we beat you.”
Sam thought he saw Dean’s hand making for the gun tucked into the back of his shirt and Sam stilled him and pulled him towards the door.
“Let’s just go, okay?”
Dean sent one last angry glare in the pool table’s direction and nodded. He didn’t say a word to Sam until they were back in the motel, and that was fine by Sam.
“Want to explain what the hell happened to you?”
Sam worried at his bottom lip, it tasted like cherry lip gloss. He didn’t even know where that had come from. “I was hustling this guy at cards-“
“How many times have I told you not to hustle alone?”
“Really, Dean? Can we do the ‘I told you so’s when we get this sorted out?”
“Fine. You were hustling some guy at cards. What next?”
“Well, I was doing really well! You would have been so proud!”
Dean’s eyebrow lifted, but the annoyed tightness in his jaw didn’t slacken.
“Anyway, it turns out the guy I was hustling…was kind of a sprite. And…he didn’t like losing at cards so much.”
“Dammit, Sam! This is why I tell you to wait before you choose who you’re going up against. There are tells for that kind of thing, man. You’re supposed to look-“
“I know, I know. The birthmark on his wrist. I forgot.”
“Well, lovely. You screwed up an easy task and now I have to, what, call dad and tell him you magically grew boobs?”
Sam shot forward. “You can’t tell dad!”
“I really hate to point this out, but I think he’ll notice.”
“Not if he doesn’t come home before we fix it!”
“Oh, good! We’re going to fix it. How were we going to fix it again?”
“I haven’t really gotten it figured out just yet. This happened forty minutes ago, if you’ll recall.”
“You’d better figure it out soon. Dad could be home any day and he’ll be more pissed off if we don’t tell him.”
“We could try to find the sprite and ask him-“
“To change you back? Because he’s such a fan of yours, right?”
“Maybe it’ll fade away. He could have just been trying to teach me a lesson.”
“Hell of a special way to teach a lesson, don’t you think?”
“Dean, will you please stop with the attitude? I know I screwed up, okay? I’m freaked out and uncomfortable and I really don’t need you treating me like an idiot on top of it.”
Dean scowled for a few more seconds and then his expression melted. He sat down on the bed next to Sam and nodded. “Yeah, okay. Fine. We’ll figure this out, Sammy.”
“We’ve dealt with weirder before, right?”
“Somehow, yes we have.”
Sam took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down. “I’m not gonna be stuck like this forever.”
“Naw, Sam. We’re gonna fix it tomorrow. Everything’ll be back to normal in no time. Just…go to sleep and we’ll worry about it in the morning.”
Sam normally would have put up a fight just for the sake of disobeying Dean’s orders, but he figured he’d done enough disobeying for one night at his own expense. He went ahead and got ready for bed.
The next morning, he woke up hoping against hope that the spell was a bad dream, or a one-night thing. A quick glance down at his still very prominent chest, however, assured him that this was not the case.
“Man, I really screwed up this time,” Sam thought.
He got out of bed and found that he was alone in the room. He told himself that Dean had just gone out for breakfast and would be back in a bit and went to study himself in the mirror. Morbid curiosity was, after all, the Winchester way.
The sight that greeted him when he got to the bathroom wasn’t all that bad. Sam had to admit he was a pretty attractive girl, as embarrassing a realization as that was. And Sam probably wasn't as uncomfortable with it as he should have been. All he could think about was the way Dean had looked at him, with all of Sam's want mirrored back at him in a way Sam had never in a million years dared to hope for. That was enough to make Sam think he didn't mind this at all.
When Dean got back, he did have breakfast, but he didn't hang around to eat with Sam. He took off as soon as he'd gotten back, said he was going to try doing some research. When Sam offered to go with him, Dean just shook his head and closed the door on his little brother. He was gone all day and when he got back, he didn't talk to Sam or play cards or do any of the things they usually did. He went to his bed and glued his eyes to the television for the rest of the night, even when they were watching shows Sam liked that Dean was usually restless during.
It went on that way for days. At first, Sam was worried Dean was pissed at him and trying not to say anything. But when they were together, Sam caught the way Dean looked at him, and he realized that maybe it wasn't him Dean was angry with. Maybe he was dealing with all of the self-loathing Sam had been dealing with for years. Sam tried to tell himself he was imagining things.
Research went nowhere. They went back to the pool hall where it had happened but the sprite had left and Sam didn't think he would have helped them, anyway. The more desperate the situation started to look, the more Dean withdrew. Sam ached for his brother's company and had maybe spent too many years trying to ignore the fact that he wanted Dean. Now that Dean wanted him, too, things were supposed to get better. He decided to take some action.
That's why Dean woke up at midnight on a Wednesday with his little brother, in female form, straddling him. Dean smiled and began to pull Sam in for a moment before suddenly jolting awake and pushing Sam off him so fast that Sam nearly fell off the bed.
"What the fuck, Dean?" Sam asked, voice awkwardly high. "Didn't anyone ever teach you not to hit girls?"
"What the hell are you doing, Sam?"
"I...I was...you wanted me to."
"I don't know what you're talking about," Dean replied sharply, turning away from Sam in bed. "I'm going back to sleep and you oughta do the same."
But Sam had already taken the one risk he swore he would never take and now he knew for sure. Dean wanted him. Well, maybe not him, but he wanted this body and that was close enough for Sam.
"Dean," Sam began, sliding into the covers behind Dean and putting one delicate hand onto his shoulder. "It's okay that you want me. I want you, too."
"I don't want anything from you. Even if I do. Even if I did want you, we couldn't act on it. And I don't want to. So just leave me alone, okay?"
"I've seen how you look at me now. You can't lie to me, Dean. Not about something like that."
Dean's response was a short, bitter laugh. "Go to bed, Sam. Your own bed. And for the love of God, don't bring it up again."
Sam didn't even pause before he was pushing his lips against Dean's ear, whispering as his hand slid down Dean's body. "There's nothing wrong with wanting me, you know."
"Everything about it’s wrong. Christ, Sam you're my little-"
"What? Brother? I don't think I'm anyone's little brother. Not right now. And you don't have a sister, Dean."
Sam pressed a kiss into Dean's neck and pushed his body closer to Dean’s. He felt Dean shiver.
"Please don't, Sammy. I can't say no forever."
Dean's voice was weak and shaky and Sam thought about listening. But then he reflected on how miserable the last five years of his life had been, always wanting Dean and always knowing he would never, ever get what he wanted. This could be his only chance. He could change back into his regular self any moment and Sam wouldn't be able to live knowing he'd had an opportunity and blown it.
"Don't say no, then."
Sam pushed away the covers and pulled Dean onto his back, leaning down and kissing him hard and soft all at once. Dean’s mouth gave in to Sam within moments, one hand tangling in Sam’s long hair, and the other resting on the small of Sam’s back. Sam climbed back on top of Dean and let out a surprised sound. Dean was hard and being turned on in this body felt weird, completely different from what he was used to.
Sam pulled his shirt over his head and Dean’s eyes lit up when they fixed on Sam’s chest. He licked his lips and his hands were instantly working with the back of the bra. Sam felt a jealous thrill at how quickly Dean could unhook it-he’d been wearing the damn thing for days and still couldn’t figure it out.
Dean paused to look at Sam and as much as Sam loved feeling his brother’s eyes on him, he felt empty and hot and couldn’t wait for Dean.
“Touch me,” he begged. Dean responded immediately, his hands and then his lips covering Sam in places that hadn’t existed last week. Sam didn’t know how he’d lived without them, without Dean doing this to him, and as the night went on that feeling only grew.
He woke up the next morning tangled in the sheets and in his brother. Dean’s fingers were ghosting tenderly up and down his arm.
“Want breakfast?”
Dean asked as soon as he knew Sam was awake. Sam just nodded. Dean surprised him-didn’t stay hidden away and make him eggs and toast. He took Sam out; sat on the same side of the booth with an arm around Sam’s shoulders, put his arm around Sam’s slim waist when they were walking. For a few more days it was like that: Sam went to see Dean at the garage after school and Dean introduced him as his girl, not his little brother. Sam had never been so happy in his entire life.
Of course, things had to be ruined. Sam and Dean weren’t allowed to have this and Sam should have known it would be Dad that would spoil things.
He came home unannounced late on Sunday night. Dean had his hand up Sam’s shirt and Sam had been pretty sure they were both about to get shot until he realized they just had to play it cool.
Dean pulled away in a second, sitting stock still all the way on the other side of the bed. His nervousness was a little suspicious, but then Dean was always on edge around Dad. Sam knew that if he could play it off, they would be alright.
“Sorry to interrupt, Dean,” John said, not really sounding sorry as he dropped his things on the table by the door.
“No problem, sir.” Dean was out-of-breath and, even now, Sam had to enjoy seeing what he could do to Dean.
“Where’s your brother?”
“He’s…on a date, sir,” Dean replied, shooting a glance in Sam’s direction.
“…Sam is?”
“Yes, sir. With a girl from his class. They’ve been out all night.”
“Oh. Well, I’m just grabbing some things and leaving. You’ll tell him I was here?”
Dean nodded and tracked his father’s movements through the room. John gave Dean a curt nod as he made for the door and then turned back and addressed Sam.
“Do I know you?”
Sam smiled prettily and threw his hair, doing his best to seem comfortably feminine. “I’m Chelsea, Mr. Winchester. You and your boys helped me and my family out a few months back. Dean called to tell me you were in town and I just wanted to show him how thankful we were.”
Dean made a choking sound that could have been a laugh at Sam’s exaggerated southern accent.
“Oh, yeah. I remember now,” John said, obviously lying to spare the girl’s feelings. “Well, you kids have fun then.”
As soon as he’d closed the door, Sam and Dean collapsed onto the bed laughing. It wasn’t until hours later when they’d finished what John had interrupted that Dean broke Sam’s heart by pointing out the obvious truth that he’d been ignoring.
“We gotta get you back to normal before he comes back,” Dean murmured into Sam’s skin as they drifted off to sleep. Dean always held Sam like this now; his hand was resting casually on Sam’s thigh, so intimate and comfortable that Sam never wanted to move.
Sam pushed his body further into Dean’s arms. He wanted to be himself again…most of the time. But when Dean was touching him like this, when he thought of the proud look in Dean’s eyes when he introduced Sam as his girl-Dean would never be that tender with him in his real body. Hell, Dean wouldn’t even want him in his real body. And Sam wasn’t going to be able to go back to being Dean’s dorky little brother after a week being everything Dean wanted.
“No. What? Why?”
“Dad saw you, Sam. He’s not an idiot-if he doesn’t see you the next time he comes home he’s going to suspect something. And if he catches us together again…I mean, come on, Sam. You’re ridiculously hot like this, but when have I ever kept the same girl around for more than a few hours?”
Sam felt a surge of pride. The answer was never. Never until Sam. Sam couldn’t stand the idea of Dean letting this body go, letting her become another anonymous woman he forgot about as soon as the next one came along. Dean still wanted him and as long as that was true, Sam was willing to stay in this body.
“Fuck Dad,” Sam grumbled.
Dean laughed lightly. “Come on, don’t tell me you like being Samantha, dude. I will never be able to stop making fun of you.”
“I. Maybe I do.”
Dean sat up and looked at Sam, his expression some weird mix of emotions that even Sam couldn’t read. He wanted to see excitement there, hope that Sam would stay this way forever. Dean just moved to the edge of the bed and took his head in his hands.
“I won’t tell you what to do, Sam. Whatever makes you happy, I want you to be happy.”
Dean got up and went into the bathroom and when he returned, he got into the other bed, the one that hadn’t been slept in since Sam had snuck into Dean’s. Sam decided to try to repeat his success, but when Dean felt Sam’s weight shifting his mattress, he didn’t turn to take Sam into his arms.
“Dean,” Sam started, but Dean shook him off.
“I can’t right now, okay? I just can’t.”
“Dean, please. I know you like this body, I’m not going to let it go anywhere while you want it, I promise.”
“You want to stay this way for me?”
“I’ve wanted you since I’ve wanted anything, Dean. If this is the only way I can have you, I’ll live with it.”
“You never, ever do that, you understand me?” Dean had turned to face Sam and he looked so angry that Sam was afraid. “You never choose someone else over what you want. You’re too good for that, Sam.”
Sam nodded and reached out, cupping his face. “Dean, I want you more than anything. That’s it.”
“Well, I don’t want you stuck like this.”
“Yes you do. You love this body.”
“Sam, you know I think you’re beautiful like this. But…” Dean stopped talking for a long time, he turned away from Sam again and when he finally spoke, his voice was so small Sam almost didn’t hear it. “I miss my little brother.”
“Dean.”
“I’m sorry. I know it’s still you, I know that. But I miss him. All the time. He was…I just want him back.”
“I’m sorry you miss him. But you never looked at me when I was your brother. Which, fine, I get it, but I don’t think I can go on anymore just being your brother. Not after all this.”
“Sam, you’re an idiot.”
“Maybe I am! It’s wrong and disgusting and I don’t care. I want you, even when we are related.”
“You should know after a week that I wanted you. You think I would have trotted you around at the first possible opportunity if I wasn’t completely in lo-I was used to hiding it. That’s the only difference. I knew how to be your big brother when you were my baby brother. I was your brother first, you know, but I didn’t know how to have a little sister, all I knew was that I still wanted you.”
Dean turned; let his fingers move gently to rest on the back of Sam’s neck. He pulled Sam into a tender kiss and when he broke away, he rested his forehead against Sam’s and whispered a plea.
“Help me get you back, Sammy.”
Sam nodded into another kiss.
The next day they picked up all of the research that Sam had dropped as soon as he’d figured out that being a girl meant he could have Dean. It was a long three days of searching before anything turned up, but finally they hit upon a spell in an old book of white magic that Bobby had given Sam one summer when he’d been ten years old, bored out of his skull, and driving Bobby and Dean insane.
They mixed the potion and Sam drank it, it said it would be three hours before it worked and by two and a half, Sam was feeling sick and beginning to suspect they’d made a mistake. He ended up in the bathroom hugging the toilet for most of the wait while Dean worriedly tried to make him something to eat or drink that would settle him. Sam didn’t look different, except for the fact that his female features were now halfway to green.
Of course, with their luck (and because John seemed to have a radar for when it would be most inconvenient for him to get home), Sam heard the door open and Dean’s terrified greeting carried through the thin bathroom door.
“Where’s Sam?”
“Umm. Sam?”
“Yes. Your brother, Sam. I haven’t seen him in weeks.”
Sam bit back a bitter laugh, thanked his lucky stars that it was Dean and not him out there. Dean would never point out that John had only been home for five minutes in weeks.
“He. Is. In…He’s taking a shower.”
Sam waited until his father said something else to start the water running, wishing there was a way to stall for more time. He glanced at the mirror; it was still the unfamiliar girl’s face looking back at him.
“Shit,” he whispered under his breath. He heard a knock at the door and his heart gave out as his father cried that he had to hurry up because he was still dirty from his hunt.
Sam threw a desperate glance around the bathroom and saw nothing to use to buy time. And then he threw his glance back at the mirror he had skimmed over. A smile broke out on his face-he hadn’t expected the change to happen that quickly.
The bathroom door swung opened and Sam emerged in a cloud of smoke. Dean looked in his direction, pure terror on his face and John stepped in front of him before Dean could see him.
“What took you so long, Sam?”
“I was feeling sick, sir,” Sam answered. He smiled his rarest smile, the one he got to wear when he was pulling one over on his father and knew he would never get in trouble for it. John’s eyes lowered and widened at the scattered red marks allover Sam’s skin.
“You have a good time on that date the other night, son?” John asked and Sam couldn’t remember the last time John had sounded that proud of him. He heard Dean snort lightly from where he was lazily lying on the bed.
“Yes, sir, she was very friendly,” Sam said, throwing Dean a conspiratorial look. John just pushed into the bathroom, no suspicions of what his sons had just gotten away with.
Sam moved immediately to the bed; let Dean kiss him-their first time as brothers. Dean immediately threw aside the towel Sam was wearing and licked his lips. He returned the favors Sam had been giving him all week; it was a lucky thing Sam didn’t last long. He was dressed before John was out of the shower.