Bad Manips Challenge fic
Title: Wear Your Own Hat, If It You Can Make It Fit!
Author: infinimato
Word Count: 865
Pairing: OT4ish
Rating: Adults in theory; in practice: insane people only
A/N: Thanks to svmadelyn, whose summercon is causing so much fun.
This is fic 2 out of 3 I've done for it. And thanks to wearmyhat, whose Bad Manip (shown below) caused my brain to remember a Very Old Bad Joke, and thus caused this cracky fic.
Nobody had seen Ronon in three days.
They'd been on downtime from a chaotic mission. Thankfully no one had been hurt and no SAR team had had to come and get them out of the mess, but it had been yet another "Hi We're Here To Trade Why Are You Aiming Pointy Things At Us" mission. Sheppard wasn't quite sure where things had gone wrong, but when Teyla had told him, with a most serious face, "We need to leave. Now," they left. Then.
They'd had to run the full 2.7 miles back to the gate, with arrows and other scary things flying at them, and brambles and prickly bushes banging into them every which way.
After their medical check and debrief they'd been given some downtime to rest up. This had been the third mission in a row, none going well, and the team needed a bit of R & R. Sheppard himself had spent a good fourteen hours unconscious in his rack. When he finally got up he decided to go for a run. He'd stopped to see if Ronon was interested but there was no answer at the door, so he'd run by himself.
Now it was nearly two days later. He'd started asking around and found that nobody had seen Ronon since the debrief. He decided to go see what was up and headed for Ronon's quarters.
"Ronon?" he called, banging on the door. "Buddy, you in there? Folks are worried about you!" No answer came from within. In his head he went back and forth between right-to-privacy vs. what-ifs? and gave in to letting his gene bypass the door lock.
Ronon's quarters were unsurprisingly sparse. The man had few belongings, only a couple of things here and there collected in his time living on Atlantis. The room was dark, which worried Sheppard. As his eyes adjusted to the dim lighting Sheppard realized there was someone sitting on the near end of the bed, facing away from the door, towards the other end of the bed.
"Ronon?" Sheppard said again, this time more quietly, "Are you ok, buddy? We're getting worried."
"Go away, Sheppard," came a low rumble from the bed. "Go away. Now."
"Come on, buddy," Sheppard responded, taking another step towards the bed, but a sharp call of, "STOP" froze him in his tracks.
Sheppard was now seriously concerned. "Whatever's wrong, Ronon, we can figure it out together. Come on, what's going on?"
"Don't come any closer!" Ronon said, a note in his voice that was almost frantic.
Sheppard, of course ignoring him, kept creeping closer, until he was practically leaning over Ronon's shoulder. What he saw made him gasp with shock and surprise, causing an angry growl to come from the bed.
Ronon was sitting on the bed with the front of his pants open. In front of him was the hugest erection Sheppard had ever seen. It was, literally, about 4 feet long... and it seemed to still be growing longer.
"Stand back, Sheppard!" Ronon yelled, now panicking, "I don't know how big this thing will get!"
Sheppard, a born leader, immediately got on his comm unit and called Teyla, knowing she would take his orders without question. "Teyla, get Rodney and get to the commisary. Get a gallon jug of vegetable oil. No, not olive or jarva oil, they smell too strongly. Just vegetable oil. Then stop and get as many clean towels as you can find, at least 25 or 30. Minimum. Oh, and a mop. Bring it to Ronon's room, asap. Ronon's got a ... situation... and the least we can do is help him out of it, ok?
Oh, and make sure you're wearing washable or expendable clothing, both of you. Right? Great. See you soon."
Clicking off his comm unit, he put a reassuring hand on Ronon's shoulder and said, "Don't worry, buddy, we'll get you through this. Whatever it takes, as long as it takes."
[The joke the pic made me think of: What were Adam's first words to Eve?
Stand back! I don't know how big this thing will get!]
Author: infinimato
Word Count: 865
Pairing: OT4ish
Rating: Adults in theory; in practice: insane people only
A/N: Thanks to svmadelyn, whose summercon is causing so much fun.
This is fic 2 out of 3 I've done for it. And thanks to wearmyhat, whose Bad Manip (shown below) caused my brain to remember a Very Old Bad Joke, and thus caused this cracky fic.
Nobody had seen Ronon in three days.
They'd been on downtime from a chaotic mission. Thankfully no one had been hurt and no SAR team had had to come and get them out of the mess, but it had been yet another "Hi We're Here To Trade Why Are You Aiming Pointy Things At Us" mission. Sheppard wasn't quite sure where things had gone wrong, but when Teyla had told him, with a most serious face, "We need to leave. Now," they left. Then.
They'd had to run the full 2.7 miles back to the gate, with arrows and other scary things flying at them, and brambles and prickly bushes banging into them every which way.
After their medical check and debrief they'd been given some downtime to rest up. This had been the third mission in a row, none going well, and the team needed a bit of R & R. Sheppard himself had spent a good fourteen hours unconscious in his rack. When he finally got up he decided to go for a run. He'd stopped to see if Ronon was interested but there was no answer at the door, so he'd run by himself.
Now it was nearly two days later. He'd started asking around and found that nobody had seen Ronon since the debrief. He decided to go see what was up and headed for Ronon's quarters.
"Ronon?" he called, banging on the door. "Buddy, you in there? Folks are worried about you!" No answer came from within. In his head he went back and forth between right-to-privacy vs. what-ifs? and gave in to letting his gene bypass the door lock.
Ronon's quarters were unsurprisingly sparse. The man had few belongings, only a couple of things here and there collected in his time living on Atlantis. The room was dark, which worried Sheppard. As his eyes adjusted to the dim lighting Sheppard realized there was someone sitting on the near end of the bed, facing away from the door, towards the other end of the bed.
"Ronon?" Sheppard said again, this time more quietly, "Are you ok, buddy? We're getting worried."
"Go away, Sheppard," came a low rumble from the bed. "Go away. Now."
"Come on, buddy," Sheppard responded, taking another step towards the bed, but a sharp call of, "STOP" froze him in his tracks.
Sheppard was now seriously concerned. "Whatever's wrong, Ronon, we can figure it out together. Come on, what's going on?"
"Don't come any closer!" Ronon said, a note in his voice that was almost frantic.
Sheppard, of course ignoring him, kept creeping closer, until he was practically leaning over Ronon's shoulder. What he saw made him gasp with shock and surprise, causing an angry growl to come from the bed.
Ronon was sitting on the bed with the front of his pants open. In front of him was the hugest erection Sheppard had ever seen. It was, literally, about 4 feet long... and it seemed to still be growing longer.
"Stand back, Sheppard!" Ronon yelled, now panicking, "I don't know how big this thing will get!"
Sheppard, a born leader, immediately got on his comm unit and called Teyla, knowing she would take his orders without question. "Teyla, get Rodney and get to the commisary. Get a gallon jug of vegetable oil. No, not olive or jarva oil, they smell too strongly. Just vegetable oil. Then stop and get as many clean towels as you can find, at least 25 or 30. Minimum. Oh, and a mop. Bring it to Ronon's room, asap. Ronon's got a ... situation... and the least we can do is help him out of it, ok?
Oh, and make sure you're wearing washable or expendable clothing, both of you. Right? Great. See you soon."
Clicking off his comm unit, he put a reassuring hand on Ronon's shoulder and said, "Don't worry, buddy, we'll get you through this. Whatever it takes, as long as it takes."
[The joke the pic made me think of: What were Adam's first words to Eve?
Stand back! I don't know how big this thing will get!]