Drama Queens (gen, McKay/Zelenka, Teyla/Heightmayer)
Title: Drama Queens
Pairings: Rodney/Radek, Teyla/Kate,
Beta, Help, Hand Holding, & Sharing of War Stories: triple7lies, thanks again. Any remaining mistakes are mine.
Summary: For the summercon Blame Someone Else challenge.
lilyayl requested: In order to foster good trading relations, the Lanteans find themselves thrust into writing a play (which must have signficance) and performing it. Rodney and Teyla bicker over music. John is happy to be tone-deaf. Rodney/Radek, Teyla/Kate, no McShep.
Major Evan Lorne knew that Atlantis was full of drama queens, but this was ridiculous.
The Gerotians had a ZPM they were willing to trade for, but the Atlantis folk had to show their "worth" as trading partners. That wasn't any surprise these days, but the proof demanded was definitely a new one: They had to put on a play to explain what they wanted and why. And not just any kind of play - musical theater.
The Gerotians idea of musical theater was less Rogers & Hammerstein (lots of talking with bursts into song) and more Gilbert & Sullivan (almost no talking with the story being told through song), which meant that they Lanteans had struggled to find people who could put the thing together, let alone get in front of others and perform more than just written word.
They were given one month to put on their "proof."
Today was the presentation. The Gerotians had just come into the room they were using for a theater, and Lorne was struck with such a sudden sense of *panic* that he thought of sneaking out to his quarters to hide. Preferably under the bed. As one foot started sliding toward the door, the head Gerotian, a smiling man named Marr Tan, grabbed his arm and cheerfully cried, "So you are the Lorne, yes? The man who directed this?" Lorne suddenly hoped for a surprise Wraith attack. Earthquake? Something. Anything.
Damn. Nothing. And the Gerotians made Lorne sit with them, so there was no way for him to sneak out.
Weir had dubbed herself head writer and producer all at once (which the Gerotians had found extremely humorous, for reasons they would not reveal). She had apparently drafted Rodney and Teyla, the first two people she could think of with any musical talent, to start pulling together music ("Steal what you need to, plagiarism doesn't count in this galaxy!"), and then started out with a rough draft of the plot. It was nothing difficult: They came to Atlantis, the city showed it's need for ZPMs, they helped culled populations, the traded with other planets, they fought the Wraith.
Lorne wasn't sure who'd let it known that he had directed some theater productions before but he knew it was one of his team. They were all going to be doing some extra drills until he found the culprit, and then that person just might -- might -- live.
He'd wound up working in a theater the summer before he entered the Academy. He'd taken the job chasing after some girl (not that he could remember her name anymore); it was mostly carpentry and electrical work. But the director of that summer's shows, a friendly film school student named Wood, had taken a shine to young Evan Lorne and taught him about directing, even letting his protege do some actual directing work. At the Academy, once eligible to, Evan had joined the BlueBards and had directed a few shows for them. It had been fun, but eventually flying beat out theater stuff for his time.
The next week he heard about through the general rumour mill and Cadman, Queen of the Gossips, who had somehow been drafted as Weir's assistant. They'd started sorting through the rest of the Lanteans.
Sheppard, they found out, was so tone-deaf it was painful. (Lorne could have told them that, or anyone else who spent any time around the man. Johnny Cash was spinning in his grave at 3800 RPM over what Sheppard did to his music.) So the military leader of Atlantis was charged with building a set.
When they approached Ronon he had just stared at them as if they'd gone completely batshit insane, even though Ronon had been there when the requirement was specified, so they knew he knew damned well what this was all about. After an impassioned plea, the only thing he said was, "I'll help Sheppard."
Carson turned out to have a passable singing voice, although he practically had to be bribed to help - Cadman had something to do with this. Katie Brown, Parrish, and four of the Marines were also not only capable of singing but willing to join the cast.
The day Weir dragged Lorne into the whole mess was a day he still cursed. Actually, he cursed that guy Wood -- and whatever happened to him? Evan had heard he'd gone on to direct television shows, not that he'd had time for tv when with the SGC or could watch it now. He made a resolve to find out the next time he got to Earth.
The day had been a mess since he'd gotten up that morning. His team had just come back from a quick "pick up supplies" mission with one of their trading partners. Things had gone fairly smoothly, although they'd woken up to a big thunderstorm and by the time they got back to the 'gate they were all completely soaked.
The minute he'd gotten back through, Weir had grabbed his arm, babbling the whole time about how they "needed him" to direct this play (he'd barely heard about it when he left) and how "Yes, I know you should get some downtime but, really, we're short on time, and you have to get started *now*, and really, I promise, we'll make the time up to you, but you need to start looking over materials and meet your cast now, really, we need you!"
After a quick post-mission med-check, a shower and change of clothing, Lorne reluctantly went down to the room they were using for the "theater" and found screaming chaos. Literal screaming; Teyla and Rodney were going at it full force. Evan couldn't quite follow what the argument was about, something to do with Athosian folk music being more useable than Aaron Copeland's music? Their respective SOs were trying to soothe the two musical directors, but even Kate's professional training could not get Teyla to calm down, and Zelenka was looking like he was soon to pull out his hair *and* Rodney's.
Beckett and Gunny Baker, the two leads, were arguing about something inane, something about one or the other singing off key. Suddenly he realized that Carson Beckett, MD, had been cast as the military leader of Atlantis, and Marine Gunnery Sgt Colleen Baker was going to play Dr. Weir.
Lorne was thinking about sitting down for a good cry when his CO came over to show him the "stargate" they were building. Sheppard and Ronon had rigged up a shiny material that could drop down to imitate an active wormhole. Lorne didn't want to know where they got the material, so he just smiled and told them it looked great.
The screaming in the corner escalated when Teyla actually shoved Rodney. Lorne was in awe that McKay had pushed the usually diplomatic Teyla so far that she'd do that, and he really didn't know what had caused it. What was more important is that Kate and Radek had promptly pulled the two off to neutral corners. Kate had her hands full when Teyla promptly burst into tears and Radek was muttering what seemed to be comforting words in Czech to Rodney.
Then Weir came in, cheerfully saying, "Maybe you should try for a read through?" and things didn't get much better after that.
Three weeks later, much more screaming, late night rehearsals, actors hamming it up like children, and too many forgotten lines and lyrics, and here it was, performance time.
Lorne had half hoped for a smaller audience so he could save what little of his withering pride had survived the overblown drama of Hell Week -- that week of seven hour rehearsals and disasters that precedes every production. The "stargate" had fallen over, thankfully neither breaking nor killing anyone. The "active wormhole" did come down, bonking Sgt. Myers on the head. Fortunately the head doctor was right there and pronounced him fine. Cadman's pyrotechnics once nearly caused a fire. And the fighting. And the squabbling. Followed by more fighting. And then there was the incident where Chuck, their stage manager, had to lean over a couple groping each other on a pile of discarded costumes, telling Lt. Welling, "Excuse me, sir, but you'll have to get off Dr. Brown now, her cue is in 20 seconds."
Instead of a small group, the place was packed. the room had every Lantean not on duty. Athosian settlers had wanted to see and hear their leader's work and had been shuttled over from the mainland. Of course, the Gerotians had sent a full compliment.
To make matters even more horrifying, the Daedalus had arrived and the bulk of their crew was piled in the audience, not just Caldwell but... Lorne grabbed a passing Novak to whisper, "What's HERMOID doing here?" to which she responded, "He said he wanted to learn more about Earth culture and when he heard about the play he insisted on coming."
---***---
If he used the audience reaction, especially that of the Gerotians, the show was a success. Carson and Colleen had sung their hearts out. The special effects went over well -- Cadman's pyrotechnics managed to be perfect without being overstated (actually, Lorne had been terrified she'd blow up half of the city), the music a delightful blend of Earth standards and Athosian favorites.
After making a token appearance at the after-party, collecting his congratulations with a frozen smile, Lorne was finally able to bolt out of there and head back to his quarters, where he slowly consumed half a bottle of Glenmorangie he'd been saving for a special occasion.
The next morning Lorne woke with a hangover the size of Ronon's fist, but managed to grab a shower and head into work. As he swung through the control room he noticed people milling around with grumpy looks. Spotting his CO, he wandered over and asked what was going on.
"They wouldn't give us the ZPM," Sheppard growled. Lorne found he couldn't speak and just stared at his boss. "Yeah, it seems that at the after-party the Gerotians also played critic. And of course McKay took offense to some of their comments - he defended your honor, too, you should know - and it nearly turned into an all out brawl. They decided we weren't sufficiently worthy. But they said we might be able to make it up to them with an apology play." Sheppard grabbed Lorne's shoulder and said, "So, think you can do another one?"
Major Evan Lorne thought longingly of the half bottle of Scotch still in his quarters, and wondered if he might be able to simply, and literally, crawl inside of it.
And lilyayl, thanks for helping me remember why I don't do theater anymore!!!
---
ETA: Retconned Lorne's first name to fit with canon.
Pairings: Rodney/Radek, Teyla/Kate,
Beta, Help, Hand Holding, & Sharing of War Stories: triple7lies, thanks again. Any remaining mistakes are mine.
Summary: For the summercon Blame Someone Else challenge.
lilyayl requested: In order to foster good trading relations, the Lanteans find themselves thrust into writing a play (which must have signficance) and performing it. Rodney and Teyla bicker over music. John is happy to be tone-deaf. Rodney/Radek, Teyla/Kate, no McShep.
Major Evan Lorne knew that Atlantis was full of drama queens, but this was ridiculous.
The Gerotians had a ZPM they were willing to trade for, but the Atlantis folk had to show their "worth" as trading partners. That wasn't any surprise these days, but the proof demanded was definitely a new one: They had to put on a play to explain what they wanted and why. And not just any kind of play - musical theater.
The Gerotians idea of musical theater was less Rogers & Hammerstein (lots of talking with bursts into song) and more Gilbert & Sullivan (almost no talking with the story being told through song), which meant that they Lanteans had struggled to find people who could put the thing together, let alone get in front of others and perform more than just written word.
They were given one month to put on their "proof."
Today was the presentation. The Gerotians had just come into the room they were using for a theater, and Lorne was struck with such a sudden sense of *panic* that he thought of sneaking out to his quarters to hide. Preferably under the bed. As one foot started sliding toward the door, the head Gerotian, a smiling man named Marr Tan, grabbed his arm and cheerfully cried, "So you are the Lorne, yes? The man who directed this?" Lorne suddenly hoped for a surprise Wraith attack. Earthquake? Something. Anything.
Damn. Nothing. And the Gerotians made Lorne sit with them, so there was no way for him to sneak out.
Weir had dubbed herself head writer and producer all at once (which the Gerotians had found extremely humorous, for reasons they would not reveal). She had apparently drafted Rodney and Teyla, the first two people she could think of with any musical talent, to start pulling together music ("Steal what you need to, plagiarism doesn't count in this galaxy!"), and then started out with a rough draft of the plot. It was nothing difficult: They came to Atlantis, the city showed it's need for ZPMs, they helped culled populations, the traded with other planets, they fought the Wraith.
Lorne wasn't sure who'd let it known that he had directed some theater productions before but he knew it was one of his team. They were all going to be doing some extra drills until he found the culprit, and then that person just might -- might -- live.
He'd wound up working in a theater the summer before he entered the Academy. He'd taken the job chasing after some girl (not that he could remember her name anymore); it was mostly carpentry and electrical work. But the director of that summer's shows, a friendly film school student named Wood, had taken a shine to young Evan Lorne and taught him about directing, even letting his protege do some actual directing work. At the Academy, once eligible to, Evan had joined the BlueBards and had directed a few shows for them. It had been fun, but eventually flying beat out theater stuff for his time.
The next week he heard about through the general rumour mill and Cadman, Queen of the Gossips, who had somehow been drafted as Weir's assistant. They'd started sorting through the rest of the Lanteans.
Sheppard, they found out, was so tone-deaf it was painful. (Lorne could have told them that, or anyone else who spent any time around the man. Johnny Cash was spinning in his grave at 3800 RPM over what Sheppard did to his music.) So the military leader of Atlantis was charged with building a set.
When they approached Ronon he had just stared at them as if they'd gone completely batshit insane, even though Ronon had been there when the requirement was specified, so they knew he knew damned well what this was all about. After an impassioned plea, the only thing he said was, "I'll help Sheppard."
Carson turned out to have a passable singing voice, although he practically had to be bribed to help - Cadman had something to do with this. Katie Brown, Parrish, and four of the Marines were also not only capable of singing but willing to join the cast.
The day Weir dragged Lorne into the whole mess was a day he still cursed. Actually, he cursed that guy Wood -- and whatever happened to him? Evan had heard he'd gone on to direct television shows, not that he'd had time for tv when with the SGC or could watch it now. He made a resolve to find out the next time he got to Earth.
The day had been a mess since he'd gotten up that morning. His team had just come back from a quick "pick up supplies" mission with one of their trading partners. Things had gone fairly smoothly, although they'd woken up to a big thunderstorm and by the time they got back to the 'gate they were all completely soaked.
The minute he'd gotten back through, Weir had grabbed his arm, babbling the whole time about how they "needed him" to direct this play (he'd barely heard about it when he left) and how "Yes, I know you should get some downtime but, really, we're short on time, and you have to get started *now*, and really, I promise, we'll make the time up to you, but you need to start looking over materials and meet your cast now, really, we need you!"
After a quick post-mission med-check, a shower and change of clothing, Lorne reluctantly went down to the room they were using for the "theater" and found screaming chaos. Literal screaming; Teyla and Rodney were going at it full force. Evan couldn't quite follow what the argument was about, something to do with Athosian folk music being more useable than Aaron Copeland's music? Their respective SOs were trying to soothe the two musical directors, but even Kate's professional training could not get Teyla to calm down, and Zelenka was looking like he was soon to pull out his hair *and* Rodney's.
Beckett and Gunny Baker, the two leads, were arguing about something inane, something about one or the other singing off key. Suddenly he realized that Carson Beckett, MD, had been cast as the military leader of Atlantis, and Marine Gunnery Sgt Colleen Baker was going to play Dr. Weir.
Lorne was thinking about sitting down for a good cry when his CO came over to show him the "stargate" they were building. Sheppard and Ronon had rigged up a shiny material that could drop down to imitate an active wormhole. Lorne didn't want to know where they got the material, so he just smiled and told them it looked great.
The screaming in the corner escalated when Teyla actually shoved Rodney. Lorne was in awe that McKay had pushed the usually diplomatic Teyla so far that she'd do that, and he really didn't know what had caused it. What was more important is that Kate and Radek had promptly pulled the two off to neutral corners. Kate had her hands full when Teyla promptly burst into tears and Radek was muttering what seemed to be comforting words in Czech to Rodney.
Then Weir came in, cheerfully saying, "Maybe you should try for a read through?" and things didn't get much better after that.
Three weeks later, much more screaming, late night rehearsals, actors hamming it up like children, and too many forgotten lines and lyrics, and here it was, performance time.
Lorne had half hoped for a smaller audience so he could save what little of his withering pride had survived the overblown drama of Hell Week -- that week of seven hour rehearsals and disasters that precedes every production. The "stargate" had fallen over, thankfully neither breaking nor killing anyone. The "active wormhole" did come down, bonking Sgt. Myers on the head. Fortunately the head doctor was right there and pronounced him fine. Cadman's pyrotechnics once nearly caused a fire. And the fighting. And the squabbling. Followed by more fighting. And then there was the incident where Chuck, their stage manager, had to lean over a couple groping each other on a pile of discarded costumes, telling Lt. Welling, "Excuse me, sir, but you'll have to get off Dr. Brown now, her cue is in 20 seconds."
Instead of a small group, the place was packed. the room had every Lantean not on duty. Athosian settlers had wanted to see and hear their leader's work and had been shuttled over from the mainland. Of course, the Gerotians had sent a full compliment.
To make matters even more horrifying, the Daedalus had arrived and the bulk of their crew was piled in the audience, not just Caldwell but... Lorne grabbed a passing Novak to whisper, "What's HERMOID doing here?" to which she responded, "He said he wanted to learn more about Earth culture and when he heard about the play he insisted on coming."
---***---
If he used the audience reaction, especially that of the Gerotians, the show was a success. Carson and Colleen had sung their hearts out. The special effects went over well -- Cadman's pyrotechnics managed to be perfect without being overstated (actually, Lorne had been terrified she'd blow up half of the city), the music a delightful blend of Earth standards and Athosian favorites.
After making a token appearance at the after-party, collecting his congratulations with a frozen smile, Lorne was finally able to bolt out of there and head back to his quarters, where he slowly consumed half a bottle of Glenmorangie he'd been saving for a special occasion.
The next morning Lorne woke with a hangover the size of Ronon's fist, but managed to grab a shower and head into work. As he swung through the control room he noticed people milling around with grumpy looks. Spotting his CO, he wandered over and asked what was going on.
"They wouldn't give us the ZPM," Sheppard growled. Lorne found he couldn't speak and just stared at his boss. "Yeah, it seems that at the after-party the Gerotians also played critic. And of course McKay took offense to some of their comments - he defended your honor, too, you should know - and it nearly turned into an all out brawl. They decided we weren't sufficiently worthy. But they said we might be able to make it up to them with an apology play." Sheppard grabbed Lorne's shoulder and said, "So, think you can do another one?"
Major Evan Lorne thought longingly of the half bottle of Scotch still in his quarters, and wondered if he might be able to simply, and literally, crawl inside of it.
And lilyayl, thanks for helping me remember why I don't do theater anymore!!!
---
ETA: Retconned Lorne's first name to fit with canon.