Crack Whims ch.20
Title: Crack Whims
Chapter: 20
Genre: Humour/General
Rating: T
Characters: Sakura, Naruto, Sasuke
Prompt: (From here) There's a cock outside your window. What are you going to do about it?
Sakura pouted.
Sasuke and Naruto had ditched her for their lunch break again. She rubbed her sore arms and quietly crept over the hill to the clearing where they were sitting. She'd have to ask Kakashi to shift her stamina building exercises to after lunch so she'd at least get some time to spend with Sasuke.
Naruto had been hogging all his company recently, and she'd admittedly grown jealous of their candid conversations between training.
She slowed her steps slightly when their voices carried over the breeze. Unsurprisingly, Sasuke sounded annoyed.
Curious, she stopped her ascent up the hill and listened. He was muttering something she couldn't hear. Stricken with the idea that he was talking about her, she shuffled a little closer and bent close to the grass to hear better.
This time their voices carried over loud and clear.
"Admit it," Naruto said. "I beat you fair and square today."
"I told you I was tired," Sasuke said irritably. "Drop it."
Naruto laughed and took a piece of Sasuke's sandwich. "Right. Of course you'd say that." There was a pause. "But you do look tired. Is Kakashi-sensei training you at night behind my back or something?"
"No, stupid," Sasuke sighed. His voice dropped into a low mutter. "I couldn't sleep for a few days."
"Huh? Why?"
Sakura's brow furrowed and she leaned closer to pick up the hushed words that followed.
"Itachi's cock was keeping me up all night."
Her eyes bulged.
Naruto snorted in disbelief. "That's it? Why didn't you just chase him away?"
"Don't you think I tried?" Sasuke retorted. "He just kept coming back."
"Did you try scaring him?"
"I tried everything."
Naruto chuckled. "I thought that sort of thing only happened in the mornings."
Sasuke's voice grew vindictive. "That would be too easy. Of course his cock had to be unnatural and torture me all night. The screaming probably woke the neighbours."
Sakura could feel cold sweat building on her forehead. She was starting to feel incredibly ill.
Naruto made a noise of wonder. "He must've been big."
Sasuke shuddered. "He was huge. I'm still sore from packing it last night." There was a pause. "I took care of it for good, by the way."
"Wait, you mean you-?"
A dark laugh floated through the clearing. "I couldn't let that damn thing get in the way of my training anymore."
Naruto gasped. "You didn't."
"Yeah, I did." His voice turned smug. "I managed to grab it and cut its head off."
Sakura felt her head spin. She sank into the grass with a whimper.
"Oh, gross. Did it bleed everywhere?"
"Yeah, all over my sheets. It was still twitching afterwards."
"So you just...threw it away?"
There was another dark round of laughter. "Of course not. Why would I waste food?"
"Aw, teme, that's sick."
"I don't care if it used to belong to someone. Meat is meat."
Naruto sounded uneasy. "So you, like, butchered it?"
Sasuke made a humming sound. "It took all night. He was really big, remember." He chuckled malevolently. "That'll teach his goddamn cock to be a pain in my ass."
They paused the conversation briefly when they heard what sounded like a moan of despair and someone collapsing into the dirt. After a few seconds, they shrugged it off and continued eating.
"So," Naruto said a minute later, taking a bite of the sandwich and peering inside. "Rooster? Is that what this is?"
"Yeah."
"The meat's kinda chewy."
"It was Itachi's old pet. What did you expect?"
Naruto shrugged and finished off the sandwich. "Can't complain."
Chapter: 20
Genre: Humour/General
Rating: T
Characters: Sakura, Naruto, Sasuke
Prompt: (From here) There's a cock outside your window. What are you going to do about it?
Sakura pouted.
Sasuke and Naruto had ditched her for their lunch break again. She rubbed her sore arms and quietly crept over the hill to the clearing where they were sitting. She'd have to ask Kakashi to shift her stamina building exercises to after lunch so she'd at least get some time to spend with Sasuke.
Naruto had been hogging all his company recently, and she'd admittedly grown jealous of their candid conversations between training.
She slowed her steps slightly when their voices carried over the breeze. Unsurprisingly, Sasuke sounded annoyed.
Curious, she stopped her ascent up the hill and listened. He was muttering something she couldn't hear. Stricken with the idea that he was talking about her, she shuffled a little closer and bent close to the grass to hear better.
This time their voices carried over loud and clear.
"Admit it," Naruto said. "I beat you fair and square today."
"I told you I was tired," Sasuke said irritably. "Drop it."
Naruto laughed and took a piece of Sasuke's sandwich. "Right. Of course you'd say that." There was a pause. "But you do look tired. Is Kakashi-sensei training you at night behind my back or something?"
"No, stupid," Sasuke sighed. His voice dropped into a low mutter. "I couldn't sleep for a few days."
"Huh? Why?"
Sakura's brow furrowed and she leaned closer to pick up the hushed words that followed.
"Itachi's cock was keeping me up all night."
Her eyes bulged.
Naruto snorted in disbelief. "That's it? Why didn't you just chase him away?"
"Don't you think I tried?" Sasuke retorted. "He just kept coming back."
"Did you try scaring him?"
"I tried everything."
Naruto chuckled. "I thought that sort of thing only happened in the mornings."
Sasuke's voice grew vindictive. "That would be too easy. Of course his cock had to be unnatural and torture me all night. The screaming probably woke the neighbours."
Sakura could feel cold sweat building on her forehead. She was starting to feel incredibly ill.
Naruto made a noise of wonder. "He must've been big."
Sasuke shuddered. "He was huge. I'm still sore from packing it last night." There was a pause. "I took care of it for good, by the way."
"Wait, you mean you-?"
A dark laugh floated through the clearing. "I couldn't let that damn thing get in the way of my training anymore."
Naruto gasped. "You didn't."
"Yeah, I did." His voice turned smug. "I managed to grab it and cut its head off."
Sakura felt her head spin. She sank into the grass with a whimper.
"Oh, gross. Did it bleed everywhere?"
"Yeah, all over my sheets. It was still twitching afterwards."
"So you just...threw it away?"
There was another dark round of laughter. "Of course not. Why would I waste food?"
"Aw, teme, that's sick."
"I don't care if it used to belong to someone. Meat is meat."
Naruto sounded uneasy. "So you, like, butchered it?"
Sasuke made a humming sound. "It took all night. He was really big, remember." He chuckled malevolently. "That'll teach his goddamn cock to be a pain in my ass."
They paused the conversation briefly when they heard what sounded like a moan of despair and someone collapsing into the dirt. After a few seconds, they shrugged it off and continued eating.
"So," Naruto said a minute later, taking a bite of the sandwich and peering inside. "Rooster? Is that what this is?"
"Yeah."
"The meat's kinda chewy."
"It was Itachi's old pet. What did you expect?"
Naruto shrugged and finished off the sandwich. "Can't complain."