fic: half a world away seven-twelve.

[inflowers]

seven.

He sat with his head in his hands. Everything was changed and he knew it was partly (mostly, completely, totally) his fault. He felt lost, like he had no one to talk to and no one could possibly understand what was running through his head. All he knew was that he had to get it out. He had to talk. He had to say something.

"I meant what I said."

Reid looked up when he heard a familiar voice, and he smiled tiredly at Cameron who was approaching looking as beat up as Reid felt.

Cameron was a great doctor, good at what he did and had an innate kindness that reminded Reid of Luke. A great doctor and someone that Reid would consider a friend, but things had gotten awkward between them after what happened, and Reid had taken to avoiding him at all costs. Even if it meant alienating almost the only person within a ten mile radius who could stand him.

“What do you mean?” He asked wearily, his head throbbing and his body screaming at him that he needed sleep, water and Luke.

“In the email. I meant what I said, you can talk to me.”

“I don't need to talk.” Reid answered coldly, denying everything in him that told him the opposite.

“Yeah, you do. Talk to me about it. I was there, Reid.” He sat down next to Reid on the bench, and mimicked his position with his head on his hands. “And I know that you know how I feel about you. I suppose it was just heightened by everything that happened. But I know that you can't deal with my feelings right now so I'm giving you a free pass. I'm just saying, you can talk to me. I'm here. Right next to you.”

“Cameron...” Reid started, but he didn't know where he was going with it. He didn't know what to say, and he'd never wanted Luke more than in that moment. “I'm sorry.”

“I know. I know you are. And I know it takes a lot for you to say that, I know what a jerk you make yourself out to be.” Cameron was defeated, and he knew it. Perhaps he always had known that he couldn't compete with the great love story that was Luke and Reid and everything that was waiting for Reid back in Oakdale. But he would always wonder if he never said anything. Always wonder if he never put himself out there, what if they were made for one another.

But everyone who knew them, knew that there were no two people more made for each other than Luke and Reid.

“But listen, Reid - if you can't talk to me, or you won't, or you don't want to...” He stood, brushing himself off and not meeting Reid's eyes because he was only so strong, “talk to Luke. You can't pretend it never happened. When you go back, and I say when because I know now that of course you're going to, you need to find a way to leave this here.”

“Leave what here?” Reid asked, in the way that only a genius but dense neurosurgeon could.

“Everything. The death, the dirt, the destruction. And you need to leave what happened to you here if you're ever going to go back to the life you had before.”

“I don't know how to.” Reid answered honestly, and though they'd never speak of it again, his eyes clouded over with torment and pain. “I really don't.”

“Let him help you.” Cameron stated simply, patting Reid gently on the shoulder and walking away, because he knew he had to.

Reid knew he was right, and he momentarily felt ashamed that it took someone else to remind him of what he already knew. Luke was the person who was going to get him through this. So he checked the time in Oakdale, grabbed his laptop and set himself up in the command centre of the camp he was working in. Dialling into Skype, he wanted to back out and shut the lid, send Luke a quick apology that he once again missed their phone date. But both Cameron's words ran through his mind as well as what he'd always told Luke to remember - you're tougher than the rest.

“Hey.” Reid said once he saw Luke's familiar face, smiling despite the anguish inside him. “How are you?”

“Good.” Luke's voice crackled sadly over the speaker, and Reid wondered whether it was a bad connection or whether Luke really did sound miserable. “How are you?”

“What's wrong?” Reid asked quickly, forgetting everything he had set out to say. Hundreds of thoughts came rushing at him about why Luke was so flat, and he immediately started asking them one after the other in rapid fire. “What's happened? Are you sick? Is Ella okay? Is it your parents? Work? Are you -”

“Reid.” Luke interrupted sharply, shaking his head. “Everyone is fine. I'm not sick, Ella is okay, my parents are great and work is as it always is. I'm fine.”

“No, you're not. You're half a world away and I can tell that you're not okay through a crappy internet connection and a webcam. Tell me.”

“I know about Cameron.” Luke replied, and immediately looked away as though he was ashamed. He looked away as though he couldn't meet Reid's eyes for fear they'd tell him what he was fearing.

“What?” Reid looked shocked, and he didn't bother trying to hide it. But Luke noted that he didn't look like someone who had been caught cheating, and it settled his stomach just slightly. As though maybe there was an explanation that he hadn't considered. “What do you mean you know about him?”

“So it's a him?” Luke responded, accusingly. All comfort ripped from him. “Who is he, Reid? Is he a doctor? A patient? An aid worker?”

“What? Luke, what are you talking about? Cameron is another doctor over here, he - wait, how do you know about him?”

“Is that really important right now?” Luke asked, desperately trying to steer the conversation away from what he knew was about to be a destructive declaration.

“Yes, it is.” Reid tried not to raise his voice, but he had no idea where this was coming from or what it meant. “How do you know Cameron even exists? I've never told you about him.”

“Well, you wouldn't. Would you?” Luke asked snarkily, and Reid sees him roll his eyes.

“No, don't twist the conversation back on me. Tell me, how do you know about Cameron?”

“I read the email he sent you.” Luke said quietly, but Reid managed to catch it and he didn't even try and stop his eyebrows from raising quickly.

“You what? What are you reading my emails for, Luke?”

“It's a long story...” Luke started, and again his eyes cast downwards and Reid could only imagine that he was playing with a loose thread on their bed.

“I don't care. I want to know.”

So Luke told him. He told him about how badly he missed Reid, how much he felt like he was sinking in quicksand and no one was throwing him a line to rescue him. He was dramatic and over the top and everything he knew Reid hated. He told him about how he wrote him an email telling him never to come home again (and Reid's heart raced and his palms sweated until Luke told him that he deleted it because it wasn't what he really wanted), and he told him of the email he actually did send. When he finally came to the part of the story that included him reading Cameron's email, Reid had calmed down considerably. Of course he still felt like his privacy had been violated, and he could have jumped through the computer and strangled Luke for once again jumping to the wrong and worst conclusion. But he felt better knowing that it wasn't just Luke's general need to interfere, which for the most part didn't bother Reid that much.

“So who is he, Reid?” The last statement hung in the air, lingering in the humidity around Reid.

“He's a doctor over here.” He answered truthfully, but he was sweating and he didn't know whether it was the heat or the honesty.

“Are you... I mean, did you... Is there...” Luke struggled to get the words out, and Reid could hear the lump in his throat. “Are you sleeping with him?”

“No, Luke. No.”

A moments relief, torn away by Luke's realisation of the way he phrased the question.

“Did you? I mean, have you ever?”

“Have I ever?” Reid repeated slowly, his own head hanging in shame. “Yeah.”

“When?” Luke asked timidly, almost scared of the answer that was waiting for him through his computer.

“Years and years ago. Before I ever met you, I swear Luke. I wouldn't do that to you.”

“But his email...”

“He has feelings for me, I'm not going to lie to you about that.” Reid said, honesty shining through. “But to me, he's just a friend. He's a good friend. He's the reason I wanted to come over here, after I saw how much good he was doing. But it had nothing to do with what happened between him and I.”

“Okay...” Luke still sounded unsure, but he trusted Reid with everything in him and he deserved the benefit of the doubt. “But Reid, his email. It kept talking about 'what happened' so I just thought...”

“I know. I don't really blame you for thinking that was what was going on, but it's not. Trust me, Mr Snyder - you're too much for me already.” Reid smiled, and it was the first time he had really smiled in what felt like weeks. Relief rushed through him when he saw Luke smile back at him.

“And you hadn't called in almost a week. I know it's hard for you being over there, but what happened? Why couldn't you call?”

“That's what I need to talk to you about.” Reid began quietly, and he looked up and over his screen as though searching for the words. “Something happened over here, and I need to tell you about it so that I can leave it here when I come home.”

“What happened? Are you okay?”

“I will be. But this isn't going to be easy for you to listen to.”

“Don't worry about me. Tell me everything.”

“Okay.”

eight.

“I’ve saved so many lives in the short time that I’ve been here, I’ve lost count. I’m not saying that to be egotistical, though you know I am. It’s because I’m trying to show you why I have to be here, why I have to stay here.”

“I know. I’m trying to understand, but when things like this happen and you pull away from me it just makes it harder. Can you tell me what happened?”

“I operated on this kid.” Reid started, uncharacteristically quiet and reserved. “I think he was five. He was dying, I had to try anything. And I did, try everything I mean. I pulled some seriously rogue moves that if I had of been back home would have had my medical license revoked, but I was desperate.”

“It’s because you’re a dad.”

“No, it’s because I’m human. Despite what everyone thinks.” Reid laughed, but he knew it wasn’t funny. He was delaying telling Luke the whole story and they both knew it. “But I guess maybe Ella had something to do with it. It doesn’t matter anyway, because he died on the table.”

“Did you do everything you could?”

“Yes.”

“Then he was lucky to have had you at all.”

“You always say that.” Reid countered, shaking his head slowly. This time those words weren’t going to provide the same comfort they used to.

“I always mean it.”

“I know.” Reid faltered, and Luke noticed that he seemed to be looking around. As though he was searching for the words. “I told his family. His mother, mostly. I thought she was the only family he had.”

“She wasn’t?” Luke guessed, trying to make the story easier for Reid.

“No. He has a brother. I mean, he had a brother. But I didn’t meet his brother until a few days later.”

“Oh?”

“When he came looking for me.” Reid stopped, his eyes connecting with Luke’s from across the globe. “With a knife.”

Luke audibly gasped, and on any other day Reid would have laughed at his dramatics. Any other day but that day. Any other time but that time. Any other conversation.

“Reid,” Luke started, his eyes not moving from where they were connected with Reid’s. “Tell me what happened, right now. Don’t draw it out, I know it’s hard. But I swear if you don’t tell me right this second…”

“Okay, okay.” Reid started, breathing deeply. “He came looking for me a few days later. I think he was drunk, I can’t really remember but I remember the smell of cheap whiskey. I was alone when he found me, I was restocking one of the supply tents. I had no idea who he was, Luke. He started screaming at me, telling me that I killed his brother. And maybe I did.”

“Reid.”

"I know I didn’t. But in that moment I wondered whether I had. And me wondering took me off my guard for a second, and he charged at me. I didn’t see the knife…” Reid stopped briefly before continuing. “Until I felt it in me.”

“Oh god.” Luke’s hand flew to his mouth, and his eyes watered through the computer screen. Desperate to reach out and touch Reid, to remind himself that he’s alive. That he survived whatever blade sliced through him.

“I thought I knew what pain was.” Reid said sadly, chuckling sardonically. “I’ve never felt something like it. He ripped the knife out of me after a few seconds. I think the reality of what he’d done started to set in. I saw the fear in his eyes. I saw the desperation too. As though this was the only thing he could do to avenge his brothers death, however misguided and however little sense it made.”

“What happened, are you okay, are you going to be okay?”

“Luke, calm down. I’m fine. Well, I’m still in pain. I imagine I’m going to be in pain for awhile now. But I suppose it’s a physical manifestation of the pain I’m always in being away from you anyway.”

“Oh, Reid.”

“Don’t pity me.” Reid started, rolling his eyes. “I hate that. I’m just saying, whatever I’m feeling physically doesn’t compare.” He let the information sit with Luke for a minute before he started speaking again. “He ran away after that. Threw the knife on the ground and bolted, and no one even looked twice. I guess that’s what happens when you work in a third world country. You get stabbed and no one seems to notice.” He laughed gently, and smiled at Luke’s frown.

“That’s not funny.”

“I know." He agreed, but he was still smiling. "Anyway. I lay there bleeding for what could have been hours but I’m sure was only a minute or so before someone happened to come across me. I grabbed a towel and was applying pressure as best as I could but I was losing blood and I didn’t have enough strength to compress the wound.”

“At least someone found you.”

“Some incompetent nurse found me and started screaming. Like it was the worst thing she’d ever seen. Not that comforting to someone who thinks they’re about to die. I tell you something for nothing Luke, I don’t know what they teach at nursing school these days but I’m sure it’s not-”

“Alright, alright.” Luke interrupted sharply, “I get your point.”

“I guess she screamed loud enough that one of the other doctors came in and saw me. I don’t really remember much of anything else. I remember waking up though. I remember…”

“What do you remember?” Luke prompted when Reid stopped talking.

“I remember that all I wanted to see was you.”

“I’m so sorry, Reid.”

“For what? For not being here? That’s not your fault, Luke. I was the one who chose to come over here.”

“How are you now? What happened, did you need surgery?”

“Luckily the brother is an idiot.” Reid stated honestly, in a voice that reminded Luke of who Reid really was underneath everything. Painfully honest to a fault. “He missed all my major organs. Didn’t do his research, obviously. Got my appendix though. Trust that moron to get the least important of all my organs.”

“And?”

“And what? They cut it out of me and now my body feels like it’s been through a shredder. End of story.”

“That’s not the end of the story, Reid.” Luke insisted, his eyes boring through Reid like he was reading a book. “I know you.”

“I don’t sleep.” He answered suddenly, as though he’d just remembered. “Isn’t that pathetic? I can’t sleep because every time I close my eyes I see him coming at me. He didn’t even do that much damage.”

“He stabbed you! Of course he did damage. I can understand why you see him coming at you. It’s not pathetic, Reid. It’s human. Just like you said you are.”

“It doesn’t make me feel any less ridiculous about it. I’m alive, and half the people I operate on aren’t so lucky. What right do I have to complain about being awake and terrified when so many other people would have given anything to just be awake?”

“You can’t save everyone. I know you try, but you just can’t do it.” Luke reminded him gently, though he wanted to scream it. He wanted to do so much. Get on a plane and run to Reid’s side. Demand that Reid come home. But mostly he stayed silent in solidarity for Reid, for whatever he needed.

“So everyone keeps telling me.” He agreed slowly, before his eyes realigned with Luke’s. “I couldn’t call you for days because I was out of it, mostly. And when I was awake I wasn’t making much sense. I didn’t want to call you and slur some words out and have you worry about me.”

“You should have just told me.”

“Maybe. But I wanted to tell you when I could see you. When you could see me, and see that I’m alright.”

“Are you?” Luke asked timidly, desperately wanting the answer. “Are you alright?”

“It hurts like hell, and probably will for awhile. But I’m recovering, and I’ll be able to operate again soon. And eventually I’ll start sleeping again. So yeah, I’m alright.”

“What happened to him? The brother?”

“No idea. No one has seen him since then. I don’t think he meant to hurt me, not really anyway. I think he was just angry. Hurt, I guess. Needing to lash out.” Reid commented offhandedly as though he hadn’t given it much thought. “He won’t come back if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“Of course I am!” Luke cried, throwing his hands up though he knows Reid probably can’t see. “Of course I’m worried he’ll come back.”

“I’ll be okay.” Reid assured him, knowing it did nothing to assuage his fears. “Can you do me a favour though?”

“Anything.” Luke answered honestly, glad his eyes had stopped shining with tears that he didn’t know if he had in him to cry.

“I know it’s late, but can you wake Ella for me? Don’t tell her anything, but I just want to talk to her and I always call too late or when she’s at school or with your mom. I haven’t spoken to her in almost two weeks.”

Luke didn’t answer, instead standing and leaving the laptop open on his desk while he walked across the hall. Opening the door gently, he knelt down in front of her bed reaching a hand out and gently shaking her.

“Ella?”

She mumbled in her sleep as her eyes opened slowly and adjusted to the light streaming in from the doorway Luke had left open.

“Hey baby.” He said quietly, stroking the hair off her forehead and smiling at her dishevelled pyjamas and blankets. Nothing like the perfection he sent to bed a few hours ago. “I’m sorry for waking you up. Do you want to talk to Daddy?”

Almost instantly she was wide awake, scrambling over the mattress and running out the door. Luke, following her laughing quietly, couldn’t remember the last time he saw her so happy.

When he reached his bedroom, she was already sitting in front of his computer. Sad, he thought momentarily, that someone so little should know so much about video chatting and how much of a necessity it was in her life. But he shook that thought off as he watched the two greatest loves of his life chat animatedly.

“Daddy!” She squealed when she saw Reid through the screen.

“Hi Cinderella.” Reid replied, mirroring her luminescent smile. “I’m sorry for waking you up.”

“I wasn’t sleeping!” She cried excitedly, though they both knew that wasn’t true.

“How’s school?”

“Good! I drew you lots of pictures. Dadda said we can send them to you.”

“I’d love that.” He answered truthfully, and while it went unnoticed to the five year old between them, Luke saw the regret. How much he was missing out on.

He watched them catch up on what was happening in Ella’s life for almost twenty minutes before she slowed down and started yawning more and more frequently.

“Okay little one, back to bed.” Luke said as he checked his watch and realised it was almost midnight. “You’re going to be cranky tomorrow if you don’t get enough sleep.”

“No I won’t!” She vehemently denied, shaking her head excessively. “I don’t want to say goodbye to Daddy.”

“I know, Ella. But Daddy has to go and you have to get back in bed. You can talk some more in a few days, I promise.”

“He’s right, Ella.” Reid replied from the computer, nodding to her. “You’ve gotta get some sleep and I need something to eat.”

“And you know how cranky Daddy gets when he doesn’t eat, don’t you?” Luke asked, picking Ella up who curled her body around him straight away.

“Yep.” She smiled, yawning again. “Bye Daddy. I love you.”

“I love you too Ella.” Reid smiled, and Luke melted. Every single time, he melted. Powerless against even the idea that the Reid Oliver he once met, the rude, cold, unchangeable Reid Oliver, could be the man he knows now.

“I’ll talk to you later, Reid.” Luke said as Ella started to fall asleep against his shoulder. “Thanks for… Well, thanks for telling me the truth.”

“I was always going to tell you. I just didn’t want you to worry about me.”

“It’s what I do.” Luke answered, shrugging the shoulder that wasn’t supporting Ella’s head. “I can’t help it. I love you.”

nine.

Somehow life carried on, though not the same as it had before. Luke spent hours every day worrying about Reid. About where he was, whether the child’s brother would come back to finish what he started, whether Reid was okay. Whether he was happy, or happy enough. He felt guilty for not wanting him to be too happy without his family, but his gut instinct told him that he didn’t need to worry about that. Being in Africa wasn’t about making Reid happy, it was about fulfilling that place inside of him that needed to do something more. And Luke learnt to live with that, however torturous it may have been.

He kept listening to the songs, he called Reid as often as he could, they video chatted. They were functioning as well as could be expected, and even Ella had settled into their routine. She wasn’t asking about Daddy as much as she had been, instead resigned to the fact that he would come back when he came back and she just had to be patient. Never her best event, like her father, but she was doing the best she could and Luke made sure to keep her busy and hopefully distracted enough to ignore that the gaping hole in her life was still there.

Nine months passed uneventfully. No family catastrophes, no weddings, divorces, kidnappings. No one got stabbed, no one cheated on their husband and no one discovered any illegitimate children. It was unusual for Oakdale, but Luke wasn’t one to complain. Between being a single parent and missing Reid, in itself a full time job, he was constantly exhausted.

Luke had just marked another day off the calendar and was helping Ella get ready for bed when the phone rang. He picked it up absentmindedly, not checking the caller ID.

“Hello?”

“Hey. It’s me.” Reid answered, and Luke knew something wasn’t right.

“Hey, can you give me a few seconds? I’m just putting Ella in bed. Do you want to talk to her?”

“I’ll call her tomorrow. I can’t… I don’t think…”

“Okay.” Luke answered quickly, his heart throbbing through his body and he felt it in his fingertips. Not again, not again, not again. He put the phone down as he scooped Ella up off the floor and deposited her into bed. Thankfully she was exhausted and didn’t put up a fight, snuggling into her blankets and falling almost instantly asleep.

“Okay, what’s up?” Luke asked as he sat down on the couch and fretted silently.

“I’m coming home.”

“What?” Luke asked, not even trying to hide the surprise in his voice.

“I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be away anymore. I’m coming home.” He sounded as though he was panicking in a way that Luke hadn’t heard for a long time. It reminded him of one of their earliest encounters in the elevator at the Lakeview, and the thought alone clenched at Luke’s heart.

“Where are you?”

“I’m on my way to the airbase. I’m getting a helicopter to the airport and I’ll be on the first plane I can find. I don’t care how long it takes me. I’m coming home right now.”

“Reid.”

“What?” He snapped, regretting it instantly.

“I know what this is about.” Luke responded quietly. “And I know its hard being away right now but we talked about this.”

“I can’t be away for it, Luke. I can’t miss her birthday.”

“You knew you were going to miss her birthday. You were always going to miss it if you went away for a year. We missed yours and you missed mine and I know it’s hard but-”

“Why don’t you want me to come home?” Reid questioned suddenly, interrupting Luke’s train of thought. “What’s changed?”

“Nothing.” Luke answered honestly. “Nothing has changed, and I do want you home. More than anything. But we talked about you coming home the right way. That there would be days when all you’d want to do is come home and days where I’d want to beg you to do it.”

“So? I’m giving you what you want. I’m coming home.”

“No, you’re not.” Luke affirmed, suddenly the calm and rational one of the two. A change of pace from his usual hysterics. But it was true, they had talked about it. And they had both decided that barring some earth shattering tragedy, Reid would honour his commitment and he would stay until he could come home knowing that he’d done his part. “If you come home now you’ll feel guilty that you didn’t stay long enough for them to find a replacement. That you didn’t fulfil the time you told them you would. You’re not coming home until you’re done there, Reid. And I know you’re not. Not yet.”

“Maybe I’m not, but it’s her birthday Luke.”

“And she understands why you’re not here. Or at least she understands enough. She’ll miss you as much that day as she does every other day, but she’s okay. We’re all okay. You, me and Ella. I don’t want you coming back here half finished and then five years down the track deciding you hadn’t quite scratched that itch enough.”

“I wouldn’t do that.” Reid said sadly, but he wasn’t sure even he believed it.

“Not intentionally, I know. But if you leave now when things feel so half finished for you over there, are you ever going to be happy here?” Luke questioned, and almost didn’t finish his thought for fear of the answer. “Are you ever really going to be happy here again, even when you’re home for good?”

“Yes.” Reid answered quickly, not even thinking about it. Because it was what Luke needed to hear, but also because it was true. “In another world I would stay over here until my hands shrivel up and I can’t help any more. But that’s not my world.”

“Are you sure? You don’t feel like we’re holding you back?”

“Never.”

“Then stay. Stay for the next three months and then come home when your commitment to them is up.”

“I thought you’d want me to come home.”

“I do. You have no idea how much I do, but I want you to come home and stay home. Three months, Reid. You told me a year, we survived nine months. We can do another three.”

“You’re a pretty incredible man, Mr Snyder.” Reid laughed softly, and Luke could picture him shaking his head and smiling.

“We’re a pretty incredible family, Dr Oliver.”

ten.

It was just two more weeks. Two weeks, Luke told himself. Repeated it over and over to remind himself that in the grand scheme of things, two weeks was nothing. They had done almost twelve months and two weeks was a drop in the ocean. But somehow those last two weeks dragged on like nothing before. Maybe, like a marathon runner, exhausted and yearning for the end he could see the finish line. He just needed that last bit of strength to pull himself towards it and collapse at the end, into Reid when he walked through their front door after a year of never quite long enough phone calls and emailed drawings.

“How many days now?” Ella asked, interrupting Luke’s thoughts before he had a chance to really let the knowledge that it would all be over soon sink in.

“How many do you think?” He asked, tickling her gently.

“Fifty!” She guessed and he laughed loudly, glad that now when she guessed he could tell her it was less. His heart would break when she guessed lower numbers earlier on and he’d have to gently correct her. Though he knew it was a somewhat abstract concept to the little girl, watching her face fall never got any easier.

“Nope, only thirteen days now. Run and cross yesterday off the calendar and you can count them yourself.”

He watched as she bolted across the room to where their calendar hung in the kitchen. She methodically marked a big red X on yesterdays date and counted towards the date circled with big smiley faces and love hearts. Her own design, Luke knew Reid would notice it.

“See Ella? That’s hardly any time. Daddy will be home before you know it.”

“I can’t wait.” She smiled broadly, excitedly running back towards her room to grab her schoolbag.

“Me either.” Luke mumbled under his breath, still smiling. While he was more tired than he’d ever been in his life, knowing that they were almost down to single digit days before Reid got back, made things seem lighter. Less traumatic, less involved than they were before. He laughed more freely now than he had six months ago and even Ella seemed as though there was a weight off her mind that he wasn’t sure he’d ever see lifted. Luke remembered her birthday silently and tried to block out the look on her face.

“I thought he might come.” She said quietly, after everyone had left and they were curled up in Luke’s bed reading her new books.

“He wanted to, baby. He just couldn’t.”

“I know.” She sighed heavily, and turned away from Luke, pulling the covers up around her. So much sadness for someone so little, Luke thought to himself and wrapped an arm protectively around her.

“He’ll be home soon, Ella. I promise.” And he begged that it was a promise he could keep.

“Ella! We’re going to be late for school if we don’t leave now.” He called up the stairs as he picked up his keys and patted down his pockets for his wallet. “Are you ready?”

“Yep!” He grabbed hold of her hand and walked with her out to the car, as she chatted excitedly about how she was going to tell her class that her daddy would be home in thirteen days.

“How many is thirteen days, Dadda?” She asked inquisitively, and Luke furrowed his brow for a minute.

“Umm. Well, it’s less than two weeks.”

“How much less?”

“A day less.”

“Oh.” She seemed disappointed, and Luke wracked his brain to think of any way to make it seem like less time than it was.

“But it’s two weeks less than a month!”

“Okay.” She seemed mildly placated by the idea, and Luke breathed a sigh of relief. He wanted to be able to tell her that it would go by in a flash, but he wasn’t sure that was true. He mused that the last few months had seemed to go quickly, but he knew from past experience that the closer things got the more time seemed to drag on, and he didn’t want that for Ella. For any of them, really. Reid, who he had spoken to just that morning, included.

Once Ella was safely at school after a few more questions about the length of time before Reid came home, Luke sat back in the seat of his car. Pulling out his phone, he tapped out a quick text before starting the car and heading to work.

13 days is roughly 312 hours. That seems too long to tell Ella, but it works for me. x

Luke finished up at the foundation just after lunch, it being one of his shorter days. When he and Reid got Ella he swore he wasn’t going to work as much, and while he had cut back considerably between the foundation and the shipping company, it was Reid leaving that really gave him the kick in the ass he needed to step back. He grabbed a quick coffee from java before heading home, his mind buzzing with all the things he needed to do before Reid got home. Should he buy new sheets? New sheets for a special occasion, but maybe Reid would want the familiar comfort of their older sheets. Should he repaint Reid’s office like he had been planning to do all along, or would Reid get home and argue with him over the colour? Should he take Ella to the paediatrician for her check up or would Reid the doctor want to do that? So many questions filled the space between work and home that before he knew it he was pushing the key into the lock and hanging his jacket on the hook behind the door.

But something was different. Nothing immediately noticeable, but Luke could feel that something was different. The mail that had been stacked up on the side board had been moved, ever so slightly to the left. On any other day Luke might not have noticed, but his eyes were drawn immediately to it and his breath caught in his throat. Surely no one who was planning to rob them would bother to move the mail, and they certainly wouldn’t go straight past the three twenties lying in the ornate dish along with the myriad of buttons, safety pins and screws that they’ve long since forgotten where they came from.

“Hello?” Luke called out timidly, hoping that only the silence would greet him. Maybe his mother had come over to drop something off; he had given her a key when Reid had left just in case of emergency. Maybe Ethan had wagged school and climbed in through whichever window Luke had forgotten to lock completely. Maybe, maybe -

“Hi stranger.”

Luke’s eyes flicked instantly to the doorway of the kitchen where the voice came from, and immediately dropped everything he had been holding, keys included and rushed forwards.

“Oh my god.” He breathed out heavily, not even noticing when the bowl of cereal Reid had been eating crashed to the floor and spilled over the tiles.

If it were a movie, their first kiss after a year apart would be picture perfect. It would be like they had spent no time apart, and their lips would meld into one another like they were made for it. But real life wasn’t a movie, and it was awkward and too fast and pushy and needy and everything. Luke poured more of himself into that passionate kiss than he’d ever done anything before, and Reid reciprocated with as much ferocity. They didn’t speak, because they’d done nothing but speak for so long. Right at that minute, Luke didn’t care if he never heard Reid speak again as long as though could touch each other. Anywhere, everywhere, it didn’t matter. Luke’s hands grabbed at Reid’s t-shirt and tugged it over his head, all the while trying desperately not to break the lip contact he had been craving.

“Come upstairs.” Luke whispered, already unbuttoning Reid's jeans and slipping a hand between the fabric and Reid's body.

"I can't, it's too far away." Reid mumbled, still kissing along Luke's face and groping at every piece of skin he could find.

Which is how their first time, after twelve months of no contact, came to be on the floor of their kitchen. Clothes strewn from the fridge to the bench tops and breathy moans echoing in the space that so long apart had left in their house. It was over too quickly but neither of them complained, because it was everything they had wanted, or needed, it to be.

“Why are you here? Why are you back so early?” Luke asked, still laying naked on the floor with only Reid’s arm as a pillow as it stroked lazily down his back.

“I couldn’t stand the last two weeks. I knew they’d take forever. And I was so miserable that they practically begged me to leave.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Wasn’t this better? If I had of told you then you still would have been waiting for a few days that would have dragged on.”

“This was so much better.” He commented softly, kissing Reid gently and lazily. “So much better.”

“How long until Ella gets home?” Reid asked, trying to find his watch in amongst the chaos.

“A few hours.” Luke answered once he saw the time.

“Oh.” Reid said quietly, and Luke smiled at how much it mirrored his earlier conversation with Ella. The exact same disappointed face stared back at him as had done earlier in the day.

“Let’s go get her now. What could she possibly miss out on; I doubt they’re doing quantum physics this afternoon.”

“She could though.” Reid smiled, already grabbing his clothes and handing Luke his.

“Hey, by the way-” Luke started, moving towards Reid and wrapping his arms around him as though he would never, and he probably would never, let go. “Welcome home.”

eleven.

"I don't know how she'll react." Luke said quietly on the drive over to Ella's school. One hand on the wheel, the other firmly planted on Reid's thigh. Never letting go, never again. "She’s been desperate for you to come home, but don't be surprised if she's angry when she first sees you. She gets angry about it sometimes and she doesn’t know how to express it properly."

"I know." Reid sighed, the tension clearly written across his brow. Luke took a second to truly appreciate the changes in Reid's face. He looked wearier, and Luke wondered to himself whether it was the days of travelling or the months of being alone. He didn’t have much time to wonder before Reid spoke again. “Do you think she’ll ever forgive me?”

“I know she will. It just might take some time.”

“Will you?” Reid asked honestly, finally prying his eyes away from the scenery flooding past them and focusing on Luke’s face.

“I never needed to. There was nothing to forgive.”

“I wish I could believe you.” Reid commented sadly, so softly that Luke may not have even heard it if he wasn’t listening so intently.

“I’ll make you believe it.” Luke smiled back at him, gently reassuring what he knew were Reid’s fears about coming back. “But for now, let’s just put our family back together?”

“Okay.” Reid agreed, nodding and unbuckling his seatbelt once the car rolled to a stop. It felt strange, being back in the parking lot of Ella’s school after so long. He supposed all the familiar places would feel strange to him until he settled back into his life, but this place, where he had so many moments with that little girl - seemed strangest of all.

It was always his favourite part of the day. Most days, when time permitted and no early consult or emergency surgery made it impossible, he would drive Ella to school. They would chat about what they had planned for the day, and Reid would always let Ella do most of the talking. Because far be it from him to bore her with details of debulking brain tumours and saving lives. Instead, he let her talk about her class pet and he pretended to tell her that maybe one day she could get her own pet, all the while planning what kind of puppy they would buy her for her sixth birthday. The sixth birthday he missed because of his own selfish need to do something more with his life.

“Hey, stop it.” Luke interrupted, when he saw the look of regret pass across Reid’s eyes on the walk into the school. “I can see what you’re doing, and stop it. You’re back now, that’s all that matters.” He grabbed hold of Reid’s hand and tried not to notice when he squeezed back harder than necessary.

Reaching the door to Ella’s classroom, Luke turned towards Reid before they walked in.

“If she’s angry, or upset, or she doesn’t come running to you, just remember that she loves you. You’re all she’s talked about for twelve months; you were all she talked about before that. But she’s little, and everything is confusing for her. Try not to take it too personally. She’s bound to be a little overwhelmed.”

“I know, Luke. She’s my daughter too, I know how she gets.” Reid answered, and on any other day Luke might have been jarred by his snapping. But he knew it came from nerves, and he could understand so he let it pass. Breathing a heavy sigh and hoping for the best, he pushed open the door and stepped inside.

“Mr Snyder, what a surprise.” Her teacher smiled in his direction, oblivious to Reid standing behind him. And she should be, because she’d never met Reid. The price paid to a year away, almost a complete year of her schooling missed. But she smiled politely towards him anyway, curiosity getting the better of her.

Reid spotted her instantly, her back toward him as she scribbled away on a piece of paper at a small desk. He could imagine her face, the tip of her tongue peeking out the corner of her mouth in intense concentration. Her nose scrunched up in critique of her own work, the same way Reid’s would when he would stand back from his surgical masterpieces. Always wondering if there was something else he could do, even when he knew his work was textbook. While Ella’s drawings were far from perfect, to Reid they were magnificent and could, and should belong in a book. Or the Louvre.

He stood in awe of her, the way her hair had grown so much longer and was cascading down her back. The way she looked as though she’d grown three feet in the time he’d been gone. He wanted to move towards her, grab her from the chair she was perched on and never let go of her, but his feet were planted to the ground. The fear of just how she would ever forgive him refusing to let him move. Luke was just about to push him in her direction, give him the short burst of encouragement he needed, when she turned on her own.

And he remembered why she was named Ella. Bright one, torch, light.

The smile that broke out across her face would have made the sun, the moon and the stars envious of its light, as she broke out into a sprint across the room.

“Daddy!” She screamed, running towards Reid like she was running for her life. And Luke wondered whether maybe she was, maybe the time apart had been almost too much for her to bare and having him stand in front of her right in that second was the salvation she had so desperately been needing. “Daddy!” She squealed again as she launched her body towards Reid, knowing and trusting implicitly that Reid would catch her.

“Ella.” He whispered softly as she wrapped her body around him. There was so much he wanted to say, so much he wanted to apologise for but the words failed him and he gripped hold of her tighter than he’d held anything in his life. It could have been hours, and no one would have moved around them. Transfixed by the event taking place in front of him, Luke had to remind himself to breathe. He watched as Ella cried into Reid’s neck, pouring out months and months of sadness and loss onto his skin. And he watched as Reid soaked it in, stroking the back of her head and swaying with her gently but not letting go. He was taking her burden, her struggle away from her and Luke knew he was burying it somewhere deep inside that would eat away at him for years, but he had always known that would be the case. Resigned to this, Luke let the scene unfold in front of him and vowed that one day he would make Reid forget and remember only the good parts. He would make Reid forget that him leaving had hurt them beyond words, and he would make Reid remember that by doing so he taught Ella an incredible lesson about humanity, selflessness, courage and most of all kindness that he knew she couldn’t have learnt any other way.

“I missed you.” She mumbled into his shirt, tears still flooding out of her in torrents of unresolved anguish. The end result of months spent wishing and hoping on all her stars that he would come home sooner rather than later. Reid couldn’t help but chuckle gently, and Luke knew it was to choke back his own tears.

“I missed you too, Ella.”

Pulling her head away from him for the first time, she studied his face intensely.

“You got old, Daddy.” She commented, reaching a hand out and placing it on his cheek.

“So did you, little one.” He smiled back at her, not even bothered by her abrupt statement of his haggard appearance. “You must be almost in college by now, right?”

“No Daddy!” She giggled loudly, shaking her head furiously. “I’m only six.”

“Only six!? I could drive by the time I was six.” He ribbed her gently, relishing in her childish laughs.

“No you couldn’t.” She answered firmly, turning towards Luke. “Could he Dadda?”

“No, baby. He couldn’t. He’s just joking.” Luke managed to find his voice enough to answer, swallowing back the sobs that had been threatening to break out of him since he saw Reid standing so nonchalantly in their kitchen.

Luke spoke quietly to Ella’s teacher, explaining the situation to her and letting her know that they’d be taking her out of school early, while Reid held Ella close to him. They had stopped talking moments ago, both just listening to the other breathe and letting the reunion sit between them.

“Hey Ella?” Luke asked, walking towards them and placing a comforting hand on her back. “We’re going to take you out of school early today, run and grab your bag okay?”

Reid went to put her down, getting so far as bending over before a high pitched wailed broke out right in his ear.

“No Daddy! Don’t leave.” She whimpered, clawing her hands into Reid’s neck until he straightened back up, shifting her weight gently on his hip.

“Hey, hey. It’s okay. I’m not going anywhere.” He affirmed to her in hushed tones, as her cries settled against him. He cast Luke a worried glance, who smiled reassuringly back at him and mouthed 'she'll be okay', before collecting Ella's bag from the back of her chair. "I'm back now, Ella. I'm so sorry." He whispered against her hair, and Luke pretended not to notice as tears leaked out the corner of Reid's eye.

twelve.

It took Ella just over two weeks to stop waking up in the middle of the night, creeping into her parents bedroom and peering over the top of their bed to make sure that Reid was still there. It was always at ridiculous o'clock, and it was always Reid who caught her. She'd pretend to be shy, but the light seeping in from the open doorway would give her away as she climbed in between them and settled against Reid, who was mostly grateful for the distraction from his seemingly never ending jet lag.

“Shouldn't you be asleep?” He'd whisper like clockwork, and she'd giggle softly back at him so as not to wake Luke. “Don't tell your dad, okay?”

“Okay Daddy.” She replied, yawning and closing her eyes. By morning she'd be back in her own bed, Reid having carried her in there before Luke woke up. He knew Luke wouldn't care, but he liked having a secret with his daughter, and more than anything he liked knowing that she was never more than a few feet away from him. So close after so long apart.

Sixteen days after Reid was home, he had started sleeping properly. Their life had thankfully, finally gotten back to a semi state of normalcy. Reid had started back at the hospital and was thrilled to find out in his absence the neurology wing had bought new toys for him to play with. But he was home by six every night, and Luke still hadn't gotten over the noise of another set of keys in the door as he sat at the kitchen bench.

“Hey.” Reid said quietly, dropping his bag by the front door and reaching a hand out across the back of Luke's shoulders. He bent down gently to kiss his temple affectionately, the smile on Luke's face not going unnoticed. “How was your day?”

“Long, uninteresting.” Luke stretched, yawning loudly. “How was yours?”

“Alright.” Reid answered distractedly as he rummaged through the fridge. Luke had been glad to realise that in their time apart, Reid's appetite hadn't changed. If anything he mused, it seemed to be bigger.

“You okay?” Luke asked casually, leaning on his elbow.

“Yeah, it's just...” Reid stopped short of answering, instead closing the fridge and turning towards the stairs. “Nothing, it's fine.”

“Tell me.”

“She didn't come in last night.” Reid mentioned sadly, shaking his head at himself for being so silly and easily emotive.

“Who? What are you talking about?” Luke questioned, moving towards Reid whose eyes were downcast in embarrassment.

“Ella. Every night since I've been back she's come into our room to check that I'm still here. And last night she didn't.”

“Okay?” Luke said slowly, unsure of Reid's point. “Is that a problem?”

“What does it mean?”

“It doesn't mean anything, it just means she's secure enough that you're not going to go anywhere in the middle of the night. It's a good thing, Reid.”

“I don't think it is, what if it just means she's given up on me?” He knew he was being ridiculous, but when it came to his own incredible guilt over leaving her and Luke, nothing was ever rational.

“She never could.” Luke comforted, wrapping an arm around Reid's waist and tugging him close. “I promise, it's a good thing. She's healing.”

“Okay.” Reid agreed reluctantly, still uncertain in his movements. He had been ever since he had come home, always careful not to push or pull or tug or twirl too much. He had put his family through enough, any small effort he could make to be a better person and the kind of person they deserved, he did so willingly.

“Where is she?” He asked after a moment in silence, still clutching at Luke.

“She's with my dad for the night. Apparently she couldn't go a second longer without seeing Charlie.”

“I can't believe your parents bought her a horse while I was gone.”

“Yes you can, they'd been wanting to buy her one since she was born. They just had to wait until you left before they could do it, Mr No-daughter-of-mine-will-get-a-head-injury-from-a-horse.” Luke joked, walking with Reid up the stairs lazily. They weren't in any hurry, as they never seemed to be any more. Too much time spent away ensured that Luke and Reid slowed their life down considerably on Reid's return. More time spent in bed every morning, longer showers, less hurried breakfasts and lingering kisses that reminded Luke of their first kisses. Exploring, like adventurers relearning familiar territory.

“What do you want for dinner?” Luke commented as he unbuttoned his shirt and went in search of something more comfortable to wear.

“Nothing. Just you.” Reid answered, pulling at Luke and collapsing them onto the bed, earning a gentle laugh. “Hey, where are we up to?”

“With what?” Luke replied, turning in Reid's arms and kissing him softly.

“The songs, we must be almost at the end, right?”

They had taken to listening to the last remaining songs on Reid's playlist for Luke together, starting the evening that Reid had come back (home, not back). It was usually at night, because the mornings were for Ella. Where they would spread out her homework on the kitchen bench and check over it, praising her for being what Reid could only assume was a genius. They would laugh over cereal and toast, and Reid would tell Ella of all the animals he saw in Africa, his heart almost breaking with joy at her animated impressions of elephants. The mornings were for family, but it was late at night when Ella was safely tucked up in bed that Luke and Reid would remember one another. It wasn't just about making up for lost time, it was about reassurance. About each other. About the future. About love. And the soundtrack to their love were the songs that Reid had intended Luke to listen to alone, to remind him that from half a world away they were still connected. That Reid was still there, even when he wasn't.

“I think so.” Luke answered, rolling off the bed and scrolling through his ipod. “This one is just called Day 365, is that the name of the song or was it just to remind me that you'd be home soon?”

“It's not the name of the song, Luke.” Reid smiled, pulling Luke back onto their bed and wrapping him up in those arms, those arms that Luke knew were just an extension of his heart.

Luke pressed play on the remote, and sighed gently when he heard the soft acoustic sounds fill their almost silent bedroom, finally the weight of the world lifted from his shoulders and replaced with Reid's hands.

Forever could never be long enough for me, feel like I've had long enough with you.
Forget the world, now we won't let them see but there's one thing left to do.
Now that the weight has lifted, love has surely shifted my way
Marry me, today and every day.