Useless funny Vin Diesel Jokes
When Vin Diesel jumps in a lake he doesn’t get wet the water gets Vin.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Vin Diesel makes onions cry.
Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Vin Diesal has no hair because it is to afraid of him to grow.
When Vin Diesel does a push up, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Vin Diesel is on first name basis with Mr-T.
Moses didn't part the Red Sea, he just led his men through Vin Diesels wake.
Vin Diesel has two speeds: walk and kill.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Vin Diesel.
When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe. Instead, he requests a hand gun and a bucket.
Vin Diesel played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.
In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Vin Diesel, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.
Vin Diesel changed his name to Tom right before he created Myspace
Vin Diesel is so hot that when he was born the nurse had sex with him immediately. It was he third time he ever had sex.
Magnetic compasses do not point toward true North - they point in the direction of Vin Diesel. He just likes to sit on a lawn chair and shout, “Jackets are for pussies!” at the Acrtic researchers.
Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Vin Diesel is Al Gore’s real Father. While fishing one day with his Son he told him of a day when computers could communicate with each other via a protocol called VIN/DIESEL, Al later changed that to TCP/IP.
How do you tell the difference between Vin Diesel and an armored car?
When they crash Vin Diesel is the one still going 60 miles an hour.
If you rearrange the letters of Vin’s name it spells out I - END - LIVES
The flood was God’s way of trying to kill Vin Diesel, Vin snuck on the ark inside the body of a gorilla. God was afraid.
There is no “I” in team, but there are two I’s in Vin Diesel, so fuck team.
The sun is shining only when Vin turns his back.
People die when playing thumb war with Vin Diesel.
When Vin Diesel drinks beer, everyone around him gets drunk.
If you stick a pencil in Vin Diesel’s ear, it comes out sharpened.
Vin Diesel once got caught doing 100 in a 50 zone. The cop did give him a speeding ticket, however Vin still pleads his innocence to this day, stating he was simply out for a morning jog.
Vin Diesel dunks his Oreos in gasoline.
The theory of “What happens when an unstopable force hits an inmovable object” was answered when Vin Diesel Punched himself in the face. The Scientists were not satisfied, so they asked Chuck Noris to roundhouse Kick Vin Diesel. The result: The Big Bang.