Already Gone
Title: Already Gone
Author: Ink_River10
Pairing: HanChul
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Genre: Angst - one shot
Disclaimer: I do not own Super Junior. I just amuse myself with them in my head.
Summary: Hankyung is leaving, and there's nothing Heechul can do about it.
Author's Note: Yes, I know it's been done before. But I think that Hankyung's last days in Korea had to be right around this timeframe last year, as the lawsuit was announced on Dec 21st. I had to write it. The angst muse is a cruel mistress.
He stands in the living room, watching it happen. He cannot do anything about it. He’s powerless to stop it, and now it’s really and truly happening. No amount of talking, no amount of begging or wishing has worked. He’s leaving, and he’s not coming back.
A million words he never said are stuck in his throat like glue. A million things he did wrong are piling up around him, falling like snow over his head.
And worse, Hankyung won’t even look at him. Not directly, anyway. He knows that if he does, they’ll both break. So he doesn’t, and it hurts. He feels like a part of him is being packed carefully away in that huge suitcase. He knows that a part of him is always going to be missing once he’s gone.
Seconds tick by in awkward silence. Finally, he opens his mouth to say those three words, because he needs to.
“Don’t.” Hankyung stops him quietly, but that one word slices into him, cutting all the way down to the bone. He flinches. He exhales hard, trying to recover. He wants to lash out, to throw barbed words and return the pain, but he can’t stand their last moments together to be poisoned by anger and hurt. It already hurts enough.
He bites down on his tongue out of habit, feeling the familiar, welcoming pain flow through him, washing away a little bit of this other pain that is eating at him. He suddenly knows that if he has to watch Hankyung walk out that door, he will go crazy and do something he’ll regret. Like chasing him and begging him not to go...not to leave him.
So he steps backwards, putting distance between himself and the Chinese man that has become a part of him...filling holes in him he hadn't known were even there. Hankyung is the only person he’s ever truly loved.
He’s getting further and further away, and he knows Hankyung has noticed, although he still doesn’t look at him or say anything. Maybe it is better this way, he thinks. Maybe if they don’t look at each other, they can pretend this isn’t happening.
He wraps his arms around his chest so that his heart doesn’t bleed out onto the floor. Hankyung zips up the suitcase and stands, then pulls on his coat and shoes. The silence is so thick, it feels like his throat will close up from it. It’s right there on the tip of his tongue, but he’s afraid that if he says it, it will only hurt more.
So he takes another step back, and Hankyung takes another step towards the door. He feels like a chasm has opened in the middle of the room.
“Okay.” Hankyung says softly. “I’m going now.”
He can’t speak. He can’t do anything but stare at him. Finally, Hankyung lifts his head to look at him. That’s all it takes. Heechul shatters, cracks, breaks into millions of pieces.
“I love you.” He chokes on the words that he never said enough. Not nearly enough.
“I love you too.” Hankyung says, but it’s still a goodbye.
There’s a million things unsaid, and nothing left to say. Hankyung takes the handle of his suitcase and turns around. The door opens then closes again.
And then Hankyung is gone, leaving Heechul alone to wonder why love wasn’t enough to make him stay.
.
Author: Ink_River10
Pairing: HanChul
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Genre: Angst - one shot
Disclaimer: I do not own Super Junior. I just amuse myself with them in my head.
Summary: Hankyung is leaving, and there's nothing Heechul can do about it.
Author's Note: Yes, I know it's been done before. But I think that Hankyung's last days in Korea had to be right around this timeframe last year, as the lawsuit was announced on Dec 21st. I had to write it. The angst muse is a cruel mistress.
He stands in the living room, watching it happen. He cannot do anything about it. He’s powerless to stop it, and now it’s really and truly happening. No amount of talking, no amount of begging or wishing has worked. He’s leaving, and he’s not coming back.
A million words he never said are stuck in his throat like glue. A million things he did wrong are piling up around him, falling like snow over his head.
And worse, Hankyung won’t even look at him. Not directly, anyway. He knows that if he does, they’ll both break. So he doesn’t, and it hurts. He feels like a part of him is being packed carefully away in that huge suitcase. He knows that a part of him is always going to be missing once he’s gone.
Seconds tick by in awkward silence. Finally, he opens his mouth to say those three words, because he needs to.
“Don’t.” Hankyung stops him quietly, but that one word slices into him, cutting all the way down to the bone. He flinches. He exhales hard, trying to recover. He wants to lash out, to throw barbed words and return the pain, but he can’t stand their last moments together to be poisoned by anger and hurt. It already hurts enough.
He bites down on his tongue out of habit, feeling the familiar, welcoming pain flow through him, washing away a little bit of this other pain that is eating at him. He suddenly knows that if he has to watch Hankyung walk out that door, he will go crazy and do something he’ll regret. Like chasing him and begging him not to go...not to leave him.
So he steps backwards, putting distance between himself and the Chinese man that has become a part of him...filling holes in him he hadn't known were even there. Hankyung is the only person he’s ever truly loved.
He’s getting further and further away, and he knows Hankyung has noticed, although he still doesn’t look at him or say anything. Maybe it is better this way, he thinks. Maybe if they don’t look at each other, they can pretend this isn’t happening.
He wraps his arms around his chest so that his heart doesn’t bleed out onto the floor. Hankyung zips up the suitcase and stands, then pulls on his coat and shoes. The silence is so thick, it feels like his throat will close up from it. It’s right there on the tip of his tongue, but he’s afraid that if he says it, it will only hurt more.
So he takes another step back, and Hankyung takes another step towards the door. He feels like a chasm has opened in the middle of the room.
“Okay.” Hankyung says softly. “I’m going now.”
He can’t speak. He can’t do anything but stare at him. Finally, Hankyung lifts his head to look at him. That’s all it takes. Heechul shatters, cracks, breaks into millions of pieces.
“I love you.” He chokes on the words that he never said enough. Not nearly enough.
“I love you too.” Hankyung says, but it’s still a goodbye.
There’s a million things unsaid, and nothing left to say. Hankyung takes the handle of his suitcase and turns around. The door opens then closes again.
And then Hankyung is gone, leaving Heechul alone to wonder why love wasn’t enough to make him stay.
.