Move On
Title: Move On
Author: Ink_River10
Rating: R
Pairing: HanChul
Warnings: Swearing, sexual situations
Genre: One shot, Angst
Disclaimer: I do not own Super Junior, I just amuse myself with them in my head.
Summary: HanGeng internet stalks and reflects on his relationship with Heechul
Author's Note: Sorry folks, the angst Muse has sharp teeth and the persistence of a bulldog. :(
He’s changed his hair again. It’s short and black now. Just a few days ago, it was growing again, wispy strands of dark blond that framed his face. Before that, he’d colored it a beautiful chocolate brown that made my heart ache to want to touch it.
Before that, it was blond. A bright, nearly white blond that looked strange but striking. What had it been before that? I couldn't even remember.
I sat back, looking at the picture he’d posted of himself on Twitter. He wasn’t smiling. In fact, I hadn’t seen any pictures of him smiling for several days.
It had been a year, after all. I had won the lawsuit. I was supposed to be happy, be celebrating with my friends. I was supposed to be having the time of my life. But here I was, stalking him on the internet like a hopeless fan.
Did he think about me at all anymore? Was that why he wasn’t smiling?
Or had he done exactly what I told him to do?
“Move on. Forget me. It’s better this way.”
I swallowed another bitter drink of beer and laughed at my own stupidity. I knew those words had crushed him, hurt him and broken him. And I had done it because I thought a future together with him was impossible. I was scared of how strongly I felt about him.
I was scared because waking up without him made my stomach clench. I was scared because when he looked at me, I felt like everything else fell away. All the exhaustion, the long hours, the physical pain, it all went away when he was there.
I was scared because I knew I was hopelessly, stupidly, completely in love with him.
Coward.
We used to drink together. We used to do everything together. We used to get drunk and play stupid games and laugh until we got sick. We used to lie in his bed and kiss and jerk each other off until we came, and he’d make that hitching, gasping, orgasmic sound that I loved.
I knew it was only me that could do that to him, no matter how many other people he did skin-ship with or kissed on stage.
It was me that he came to at night, crawling into my bed, smelling like sin and promise. It was me that he kissed in the dark. It was me that made him come.
It was me that could handle all his crazy hissy fits. It was me that could always comfort him when the anger would devolve into sobs that broke my heart to hear.
Not anymore.
Does he even have those fits anymore?
Does he still sing in the shower? Does he still snore those little breathy, silly, girly snores? Does he still get the hiccups when he’s drunk? Does he still cry at sad commercials?
Has he forgotten about me?
I look down again at the picture of him, onstage at Guangzhou right here in China just last night. He’s wearing a ridiculous Santa Claus outfit, but he looks tired.
I could have gone. I wanted to go, but Zhou Mi warned me that showing up there was a bad idea. He told me that Heechul was doing exactly what I told him to do, and that going to see him would only throw him back into depression.
The alcohol isn’t dulling the bitter laughter escaping out of me.
You’re stupid, HanGeng. You lost him, and you have no one to blame but yourself.
I told him to move on, and it looks like he finally has.
It’s me that hasn’t.
.
Author: Ink_River10
Rating: R
Pairing: HanChul
Warnings: Swearing, sexual situations
Genre: One shot, Angst
Disclaimer: I do not own Super Junior, I just amuse myself with them in my head.
Summary: HanGeng internet stalks and reflects on his relationship with Heechul
Author's Note: Sorry folks, the angst Muse has sharp teeth and the persistence of a bulldog. :(
He’s changed his hair again. It’s short and black now. Just a few days ago, it was growing again, wispy strands of dark blond that framed his face. Before that, he’d colored it a beautiful chocolate brown that made my heart ache to want to touch it.
Before that, it was blond. A bright, nearly white blond that looked strange but striking. What had it been before that? I couldn't even remember.
I sat back, looking at the picture he’d posted of himself on Twitter. He wasn’t smiling. In fact, I hadn’t seen any pictures of him smiling for several days.
It had been a year, after all. I had won the lawsuit. I was supposed to be happy, be celebrating with my friends. I was supposed to be having the time of my life. But here I was, stalking him on the internet like a hopeless fan.
Did he think about me at all anymore? Was that why he wasn’t smiling?
Or had he done exactly what I told him to do?
“Move on. Forget me. It’s better this way.”
I swallowed another bitter drink of beer and laughed at my own stupidity. I knew those words had crushed him, hurt him and broken him. And I had done it because I thought a future together with him was impossible. I was scared of how strongly I felt about him.
I was scared because waking up without him made my stomach clench. I was scared because when he looked at me, I felt like everything else fell away. All the exhaustion, the long hours, the physical pain, it all went away when he was there.
I was scared because I knew I was hopelessly, stupidly, completely in love with him.
Coward.
We used to drink together. We used to do everything together. We used to get drunk and play stupid games and laugh until we got sick. We used to lie in his bed and kiss and jerk each other off until we came, and he’d make that hitching, gasping, orgasmic sound that I loved.
I knew it was only me that could do that to him, no matter how many other people he did skin-ship with or kissed on stage.
It was me that he came to at night, crawling into my bed, smelling like sin and promise. It was me that he kissed in the dark. It was me that made him come.
It was me that could handle all his crazy hissy fits. It was me that could always comfort him when the anger would devolve into sobs that broke my heart to hear.
Not anymore.
Does he even have those fits anymore?
Does he still sing in the shower? Does he still snore those little breathy, silly, girly snores? Does he still get the hiccups when he’s drunk? Does he still cry at sad commercials?
Has he forgotten about me?
I look down again at the picture of him, onstage at Guangzhou right here in China just last night. He’s wearing a ridiculous Santa Claus outfit, but he looks tired.
I could have gone. I wanted to go, but Zhou Mi warned me that showing up there was a bad idea. He told me that Heechul was doing exactly what I told him to do, and that going to see him would only throw him back into depression.
The alcohol isn’t dulling the bitter laughter escaping out of me.
You’re stupid, HanGeng. You lost him, and you have no one to blame but yourself.
I told him to move on, and it looks like he finally has.
It’s me that hasn’t.
.