Descent - Part 1
Title: Descent
Author: Ink_River10
Pairing: HanChul
Rating: R
Genre: Chaptered, AU, Drama
Warnings: Angst, addiction, drug use, swearing
Disclaimer: I do not own Super Junior and make no profit from this fic
Summary: Heechul hasn’t hit rock bottom yet, but he’s on his way
Author's Note: I feel like I have been away from LJ for months or something. Actually I have been in a bit of a slump lately, and I am hoping this one will jog me out of it. Warning; it's sad and angsty. Think of this story as an alternate reality that might have happened after HanGeng left. And uh....don't be too mad at me, okay? :)
Part 1
Kim Ryeowook sat on a chair in the living room of the 12th floor dormitory, his hands folded calmly in his lap. He looked down at them, and realized that even though his hands were miraculously not shaking, he was nervous as hell. He took a deep breath and looked up at the others. Each of them looked equally as anxious and apprehensive. Even Kyuhyun, who seemed to have an added look of mild irritation, also seemed edgy.
“When are they supposed to be here?” Siwon asked, pacing around, glancing at the door every few minutes.
“Leeteuk said they would be here at four. But if he couldn’t convince him…” Yesung trailed off, and what he hadn’t said hung heavily in the air.
Ryeowook glanced across the room at Hankyung…….no…HanGeng and wondered what he must be thinking right now. HanGeng looked tired and worn, but determined. Ryeowook supposed that he must be feeling somewhat responsible for this, but his heart went out to him anyway. His leaving may have been what began this mess in the first place, but he was not responsible for what Heechul had done to himself.
The minutes ticked by past four p.m., and Kyuhyun sighed heavily. Next to him, Sungmin reached out and placed his hand gently on Kyuhyun’s knee.
“Be patient, Kyuhyun-ah.” He said softly. Kyuhyun looked over at him, and there was a silent conversation that happened between them. Ryeowook looked away, his heart unable to witness it. Sungmin loved Kyuhyun, had chosen Kyuhyun, and that was that. It was an old hurt that still plagued him, but he didn’t have to watch.
Another minute passed, and then they heard it. Or rather, they heard Heechul’s voice in the hallway. He did not sound happy.
“What the hell, Jungsu? Will you stop being so pushy? Jesus Christ!”
Siwon winced visibly, and Ryeowook knew it was both from knowing that Heechul was already upset and his taking the Lord’s name in vain.
He felt the whole room tense as the doorknob turned. Shindong took a deep breath and held it, and Ryeowook did the same. He saw Hyukjae grab Donghae’s hand as the door opened. Heechul stepped inside, and Leeteuk came behind him, closing the door quickly.
Heechul looked around at them in total surprise. “What’s going on?” he frowned. “Jungsu, why didn’t you just say we were having a damn meeting instead of dragging me out of bed?!”
Leeteuk came to stand in front of Heechul, and Ryeowook watched as HanGeng slowly eased his way towards the door to block it. It was obvious to everyone that Heechul had not yet seen him. Leeteuk took a deep breath and looked Heechul in the eye.
“Yes, it is a meeting. Of sorts.” He said calmly, although Ryeowook could see how Leeteuk was bracing himself for what was coming. “But it’s about you.” Jungsu said, and Ryeowook was proud of him for not quailing under Heechul’s intense glare.
“What about me?” Heechul said, deadly calm.
“This is an intervention, and it’s for you.” Jungsu said quietly.
The room went deadly silent and cold as Heechul stared at Leeteuk. His eyes narrowed and his whole body stiffened. Ryeowook braced himself for the shouting he was certain was about to come.
“What?” Heechul seethed icily.
“Chul…you’ve been drinking too much. And Jungmo says you’ve been taking cocaine for a couple of months now. You’ve lost so much weight, you keep forgetting things, losing things, disappearing for days, and you’re scaring the hell out of us. We’re here to get you some help.”
“Fuck. Right. Off.” Heechul snapped. “I’m leaving.”
“Heechul-ah.” HanGeng said softly, and Ryeowook could feel every single one of them inhale and hold it, watching them in tense silence.
The reaction was instantaneous. Heechul’s eyes widened and he stiffened. Ryeowook imagined Heechul as an angry cat, as if Heechul’s ears had flattened and his back arched, tail bristling in fury. Heechul stood there for a moment, his whole body rigid with shock at hearing HanGeng’s voice after almost two years.
Heechul did not turn, but instead his eyes turned to Leeteuk, and they could all hear the silent scream he sent to their leader. Oddly his eyes had lost some of their anger and now looked somewhat scared.
No…no you didn’t…please tell me you didn’t…
But Leeteuk only swallowed, and his eyes turned to HanGeng, over Heechul’s shoulder. “HanGeng…” he began, forming Hankyung’s Chinese name carefully. “Came because he cares about you too. We all care about you. We can’t let you go on like this.”
Heechul looked at each of them, the anger that was so clear only moments ago was now replaced with abject disbelief and pleading that this could not be happening. Siwon let out a whimper and looked away, unable to handle it. And then slowly, like a slow motion scene in a dramatic movie, Heechul turned around and faced HanGeng.
HanGeng braced himself as Heechul walked up to him slowly. Ryeowook could not see the look in Heechul’s eyes, but HanGeng merely looked back, his expression unwavering. He always had been able to hold himself steady when Heechul was upset or angry, which is what had made them such a perfect couple. Seconds slipped by in thick, tense silence as the two of them stared at each other.
And then it happened, so quickly that none of them saw it coming, including HanGeng. Heechul’s hand lashed out and slapped Hangeng across the face, so hard that the sound reverberated through the room like a clap of thunder.
HanGeng gasped and placed his palm against his stinging cheek, looking at Heechul in surprise, but Heechul was not done. He came at HanGeng again, his fingernails out to draw blood as he began to scream.
“HOW DARE YOU SHOW UP HERE? HOW DARE YOU WALTZ BACK IN HERE LIKE NOTHING HAS CHANGED!? YOU FUCKING LEFT WITHOUT SAYING A WORD AND NOW YOU’RE BACK? YOU SON OF A BITCH!” Heechul shrieked, raining blows on HanGeng who was trying to block the door and trying to block the blows as well.
Siwon lunged forward, his strong arms grabbing Heechul and holding him to stop him from hurting HanGeng. But even though Heechul had hit him, it was the words that hurt HanGeng the most. Ryeowook felt his throat close and tears spring into the corners of his eyes as he saw HanGeng struggling to regain himself against the onslaught of Heechul’s pain and rage. Heechul continued to scream at him, terrible, horrible, bitter words that made them all wince and cringe on HanGeng’s behalf.
Finally, Heechul snapped his mouth closed and stopped struggling against Siwon’s hold. The silence that followed was deafening. They could hear Heechul wheezing, his chest heaving as he fought to even out his breathing. From where he was sitting, Ryeowook could see the way Heechul was shuddering, and wondered when he had eaten last.
“Let go of me. Right. Now.” Heechul said, his voice deadly calm. Siwon eased his grip and slowly let go of Heechul, who was still staring at HanGeng coldly. “Get out of the way. I’m leaving.”
HanGeng took in a shaky breath and stood up straight again, his back to the door. “No.” he said firmly, and Ryeowook saw Leeteuk bite his lip in fear that Heechul would go off again, but HanGeng continued. “This isn’t about you and me. It’s about your addictions. You can scream at me all you want, but we’re here because we’re worried about you and we want to get you the help you need.”
“FUCK YOU!” Heechul shouted, looking around at each of them now, his gaze seeming to burn into them like cold fire. “You don’t know shit about me, all right?”
“I know you dragged yourself in here at 5am this morning, so stoned that you couldn’t even open your own bedroom door and fell asleep in the hallway until Leeteuk put you in bed!” Shindong snapped, and Ryeowook silently cheered for his bravado. “And that’s not the first time that we’ve found you like that.” He finished, glaring back at Heechul.
“And what business is it of yours?” Heechul eyed him angrily.
“It’s ALL our business, hyung.” Sungmin said quietly. “We’ve made excuses for you as much as we can but now even ELF are asking questions about why you’re absent for things, and why you’ve lost so much weight. Look at yourself. You look like a skeleton.”
Ryeowook glanced at HanGeng, and could see it all there in his eyes. The weight of the guilt was settling around him like a cloak, growing heavier and heavier by the minute. He knew that HanGeng was thinking that none of this would have happened if he had stayed. And sadly, there was a grain of truth to that, although that would do no good now to say it.
“What, so you want me to go to rehab? Forget it.” Heechul snorted, and began to sing the Amy Winehouse song, flapping his arms around crazily. But no one laughed.
“Amy Winehouse is dead.” Kyuhyun said flatly. “And if you keep doing this, you will be too. Tell us to fuck off if you want to, but we actually DO care about you enough to not want you to die.”
Heechul stared at him, a bit surprised. Leeteuk took the opportunity to approach him again. “Heechul.” He said, more calm and collected now that he was surrounded by people to support him. “We’re here to help you. No one wants you to go to rehab. The therapists and doctors are already here so it’s private. We can help you through this, and you don’t have to go to a facility.” He said reasonably, but Heechul only scoffed, stomping across the room towards Yesung.
“You told them, didn’t you?” He sneered. Yesung lifted his chin, staring back defiantly.
“Yes. And you can be pissed at me all you want. Having you angry is better than having you dead.”
Ryeowook wondered what secret Yesung had told, but HanGeng spoke up again to answer.
“Don’t be angry at him. If you want someone to take your anger out on, come at me again. But you’re not going to get anywhere, and you’re not leaving here until you agree to the plan.”
Heechul turned around, his eyes flashing black with anger and something that Ryeowook knew was pain. “You don’t have the right.” He said, although his voice shook. “You lost the right the night you left without telling me. Or telling anyone, for that matter. YOU lost the right to ask ANYTHING of me when you LIED to me!” Heechul’s voice was raising again, and Ryeowook noticed with alarm that Heechul had begun to tremble very badly now. He wondered how long it had been since Heechul had taken any cocaine or alcohol, and if his body was beginning to demand it.
“I never lied to you!” HanGeng defended himself hotly.
“Bullshit!” Heechul shouted, but his hand was beginning to twitch, and they all wondered if HanGeng was about to get slapped again.
“Hyung…” Siwon interrupted quietly. Heechul turned on him, but instinctively they all knew Siwon would be exempt from Heechul’s fury. If there was one thing they all knew with 100% certainty, it was that Choi Siwon loved each of them with all his heart, and he wanted nothing but the best for them.
Heechul swallowed and looked away. Even in the last few months that he had begun to spiral downwards in a shockingly fast way, Siwon hadn’t judged, but merely taken care of him.
“What.” Heechul said dully.
“Please. We love you and we care about you. Please let us help you.”
Ryeowook glanced at HanGeng, and there was something lost and immeasurably sad in his eyes. Ryewook wondered what he was thinking. It had always been him that was able to make Heechul do something he didn’t want to do, and now it was Siwon. Ryeowook knew how much that must hurt him. HanGeng swallowed, watching Heechul, waiting for him to answer.
“Fine.” Heechul exhaled, sounding merely irritated, even though he was still visibly shaking. “I’ll do whatever. Tomorrow.”
“No.” HanGeng spoke, and the whole room turned to him once more. They had discussed this already, been given advice by more counselors than they could count. They all knew why Heechul wanted to start his rehab tomorrow. So that he could go hide his drugs and get high one last time.
Heechul turned, his eyes narrowing once more as he surveyed HanGeng. “No?” He said softly, and the tone of his voice was dangerous. Ryeowook tensed, knowing that that particular tone meant serious trouble.
“No.” HanGeng said, equally as strong. “You’re going now. It starts now.”
Heechul folded his arms, eyeing each of them with a calculating look. “This isn’t just you, is it?” He asked, looking around at each of them. “This is SM, isn’t it. Lee Soo Man doesn’t like his Big Space Star getting a little drunk now and then?”
“It’’s not just now and then, hyung.” Sungmin said quietly. “It’s all the time, and you know it. And it’s not just the alcohol, it’s the cocaine too.”
Heechul looked away from Sungmin, then to HanGeng. Silence fell for a few moments, and Ryeowook knew the end of this torture was coming to a close.
“I don’t have a choice, do I?” Heechul asked, his eyes finally landing on Leeteuk.
Their leader sighed, looking defeated, but also a little relieved. “No, you don’t.”
To be continued...
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Author: Ink_River10
Pairing: HanChul
Rating: R
Genre: Chaptered, AU, Drama
Warnings: Angst, addiction, drug use, swearing
Disclaimer: I do not own Super Junior and make no profit from this fic
Summary: Heechul hasn’t hit rock bottom yet, but he’s on his way
Author's Note: I feel like I have been away from LJ for months or something. Actually I have been in a bit of a slump lately, and I am hoping this one will jog me out of it. Warning; it's sad and angsty. Think of this story as an alternate reality that might have happened after HanGeng left. And uh....don't be too mad at me, okay? :)
Part 1
Kim Ryeowook sat on a chair in the living room of the 12th floor dormitory, his hands folded calmly in his lap. He looked down at them, and realized that even though his hands were miraculously not shaking, he was nervous as hell. He took a deep breath and looked up at the others. Each of them looked equally as anxious and apprehensive. Even Kyuhyun, who seemed to have an added look of mild irritation, also seemed edgy.
“When are they supposed to be here?” Siwon asked, pacing around, glancing at the door every few minutes.
“Leeteuk said they would be here at four. But if he couldn’t convince him…” Yesung trailed off, and what he hadn’t said hung heavily in the air.
Ryeowook glanced across the room at Hankyung…….no…HanGeng and wondered what he must be thinking right now. HanGeng looked tired and worn, but determined. Ryeowook supposed that he must be feeling somewhat responsible for this, but his heart went out to him anyway. His leaving may have been what began this mess in the first place, but he was not responsible for what Heechul had done to himself.
The minutes ticked by past four p.m., and Kyuhyun sighed heavily. Next to him, Sungmin reached out and placed his hand gently on Kyuhyun’s knee.
“Be patient, Kyuhyun-ah.” He said softly. Kyuhyun looked over at him, and there was a silent conversation that happened between them. Ryeowook looked away, his heart unable to witness it. Sungmin loved Kyuhyun, had chosen Kyuhyun, and that was that. It was an old hurt that still plagued him, but he didn’t have to watch.
Another minute passed, and then they heard it. Or rather, they heard Heechul’s voice in the hallway. He did not sound happy.
“What the hell, Jungsu? Will you stop being so pushy? Jesus Christ!”
Siwon winced visibly, and Ryeowook knew it was both from knowing that Heechul was already upset and his taking the Lord’s name in vain.
He felt the whole room tense as the doorknob turned. Shindong took a deep breath and held it, and Ryeowook did the same. He saw Hyukjae grab Donghae’s hand as the door opened. Heechul stepped inside, and Leeteuk came behind him, closing the door quickly.
Heechul looked around at them in total surprise. “What’s going on?” he frowned. “Jungsu, why didn’t you just say we were having a damn meeting instead of dragging me out of bed?!”
Leeteuk came to stand in front of Heechul, and Ryeowook watched as HanGeng slowly eased his way towards the door to block it. It was obvious to everyone that Heechul had not yet seen him. Leeteuk took a deep breath and looked Heechul in the eye.
“Yes, it is a meeting. Of sorts.” He said calmly, although Ryeowook could see how Leeteuk was bracing himself for what was coming. “But it’s about you.” Jungsu said, and Ryeowook was proud of him for not quailing under Heechul’s intense glare.
“What about me?” Heechul said, deadly calm.
“This is an intervention, and it’s for you.” Jungsu said quietly.
The room went deadly silent and cold as Heechul stared at Leeteuk. His eyes narrowed and his whole body stiffened. Ryeowook braced himself for the shouting he was certain was about to come.
“What?” Heechul seethed icily.
“Chul…you’ve been drinking too much. And Jungmo says you’ve been taking cocaine for a couple of months now. You’ve lost so much weight, you keep forgetting things, losing things, disappearing for days, and you’re scaring the hell out of us. We’re here to get you some help.”
“Fuck. Right. Off.” Heechul snapped. “I’m leaving.”
“Heechul-ah.” HanGeng said softly, and Ryeowook could feel every single one of them inhale and hold it, watching them in tense silence.
The reaction was instantaneous. Heechul’s eyes widened and he stiffened. Ryeowook imagined Heechul as an angry cat, as if Heechul’s ears had flattened and his back arched, tail bristling in fury. Heechul stood there for a moment, his whole body rigid with shock at hearing HanGeng’s voice after almost two years.
Heechul did not turn, but instead his eyes turned to Leeteuk, and they could all hear the silent scream he sent to their leader. Oddly his eyes had lost some of their anger and now looked somewhat scared.
No…no you didn’t…please tell me you didn’t…
But Leeteuk only swallowed, and his eyes turned to HanGeng, over Heechul’s shoulder. “HanGeng…” he began, forming Hankyung’s Chinese name carefully. “Came because he cares about you too. We all care about you. We can’t let you go on like this.”
Heechul looked at each of them, the anger that was so clear only moments ago was now replaced with abject disbelief and pleading that this could not be happening. Siwon let out a whimper and looked away, unable to handle it. And then slowly, like a slow motion scene in a dramatic movie, Heechul turned around and faced HanGeng.
HanGeng braced himself as Heechul walked up to him slowly. Ryeowook could not see the look in Heechul’s eyes, but HanGeng merely looked back, his expression unwavering. He always had been able to hold himself steady when Heechul was upset or angry, which is what had made them such a perfect couple. Seconds slipped by in thick, tense silence as the two of them stared at each other.
And then it happened, so quickly that none of them saw it coming, including HanGeng. Heechul’s hand lashed out and slapped Hangeng across the face, so hard that the sound reverberated through the room like a clap of thunder.
HanGeng gasped and placed his palm against his stinging cheek, looking at Heechul in surprise, but Heechul was not done. He came at HanGeng again, his fingernails out to draw blood as he began to scream.
“HOW DARE YOU SHOW UP HERE? HOW DARE YOU WALTZ BACK IN HERE LIKE NOTHING HAS CHANGED!? YOU FUCKING LEFT WITHOUT SAYING A WORD AND NOW YOU’RE BACK? YOU SON OF A BITCH!” Heechul shrieked, raining blows on HanGeng who was trying to block the door and trying to block the blows as well.
Siwon lunged forward, his strong arms grabbing Heechul and holding him to stop him from hurting HanGeng. But even though Heechul had hit him, it was the words that hurt HanGeng the most. Ryeowook felt his throat close and tears spring into the corners of his eyes as he saw HanGeng struggling to regain himself against the onslaught of Heechul’s pain and rage. Heechul continued to scream at him, terrible, horrible, bitter words that made them all wince and cringe on HanGeng’s behalf.
Finally, Heechul snapped his mouth closed and stopped struggling against Siwon’s hold. The silence that followed was deafening. They could hear Heechul wheezing, his chest heaving as he fought to even out his breathing. From where he was sitting, Ryeowook could see the way Heechul was shuddering, and wondered when he had eaten last.
“Let go of me. Right. Now.” Heechul said, his voice deadly calm. Siwon eased his grip and slowly let go of Heechul, who was still staring at HanGeng coldly. “Get out of the way. I’m leaving.”
HanGeng took in a shaky breath and stood up straight again, his back to the door. “No.” he said firmly, and Ryeowook saw Leeteuk bite his lip in fear that Heechul would go off again, but HanGeng continued. “This isn’t about you and me. It’s about your addictions. You can scream at me all you want, but we’re here because we’re worried about you and we want to get you the help you need.”
“FUCK YOU!” Heechul shouted, looking around at each of them now, his gaze seeming to burn into them like cold fire. “You don’t know shit about me, all right?”
“I know you dragged yourself in here at 5am this morning, so stoned that you couldn’t even open your own bedroom door and fell asleep in the hallway until Leeteuk put you in bed!” Shindong snapped, and Ryeowook silently cheered for his bravado. “And that’s not the first time that we’ve found you like that.” He finished, glaring back at Heechul.
“And what business is it of yours?” Heechul eyed him angrily.
“It’s ALL our business, hyung.” Sungmin said quietly. “We’ve made excuses for you as much as we can but now even ELF are asking questions about why you’re absent for things, and why you’ve lost so much weight. Look at yourself. You look like a skeleton.”
Ryeowook glanced at HanGeng, and could see it all there in his eyes. The weight of the guilt was settling around him like a cloak, growing heavier and heavier by the minute. He knew that HanGeng was thinking that none of this would have happened if he had stayed. And sadly, there was a grain of truth to that, although that would do no good now to say it.
“What, so you want me to go to rehab? Forget it.” Heechul snorted, and began to sing the Amy Winehouse song, flapping his arms around crazily. But no one laughed.
“Amy Winehouse is dead.” Kyuhyun said flatly. “And if you keep doing this, you will be too. Tell us to fuck off if you want to, but we actually DO care about you enough to not want you to die.”
Heechul stared at him, a bit surprised. Leeteuk took the opportunity to approach him again. “Heechul.” He said, more calm and collected now that he was surrounded by people to support him. “We’re here to help you. No one wants you to go to rehab. The therapists and doctors are already here so it’s private. We can help you through this, and you don’t have to go to a facility.” He said reasonably, but Heechul only scoffed, stomping across the room towards Yesung.
“You told them, didn’t you?” He sneered. Yesung lifted his chin, staring back defiantly.
“Yes. And you can be pissed at me all you want. Having you angry is better than having you dead.”
Ryeowook wondered what secret Yesung had told, but HanGeng spoke up again to answer.
“Don’t be angry at him. If you want someone to take your anger out on, come at me again. But you’re not going to get anywhere, and you’re not leaving here until you agree to the plan.”
Heechul turned around, his eyes flashing black with anger and something that Ryeowook knew was pain. “You don’t have the right.” He said, although his voice shook. “You lost the right the night you left without telling me. Or telling anyone, for that matter. YOU lost the right to ask ANYTHING of me when you LIED to me!” Heechul’s voice was raising again, and Ryeowook noticed with alarm that Heechul had begun to tremble very badly now. He wondered how long it had been since Heechul had taken any cocaine or alcohol, and if his body was beginning to demand it.
“I never lied to you!” HanGeng defended himself hotly.
“Bullshit!” Heechul shouted, but his hand was beginning to twitch, and they all wondered if HanGeng was about to get slapped again.
“Hyung…” Siwon interrupted quietly. Heechul turned on him, but instinctively they all knew Siwon would be exempt from Heechul’s fury. If there was one thing they all knew with 100% certainty, it was that Choi Siwon loved each of them with all his heart, and he wanted nothing but the best for them.
Heechul swallowed and looked away. Even in the last few months that he had begun to spiral downwards in a shockingly fast way, Siwon hadn’t judged, but merely taken care of him.
“What.” Heechul said dully.
“Please. We love you and we care about you. Please let us help you.”
Ryeowook glanced at HanGeng, and there was something lost and immeasurably sad in his eyes. Ryewook wondered what he was thinking. It had always been him that was able to make Heechul do something he didn’t want to do, and now it was Siwon. Ryeowook knew how much that must hurt him. HanGeng swallowed, watching Heechul, waiting for him to answer.
“Fine.” Heechul exhaled, sounding merely irritated, even though he was still visibly shaking. “I’ll do whatever. Tomorrow.”
“No.” HanGeng spoke, and the whole room turned to him once more. They had discussed this already, been given advice by more counselors than they could count. They all knew why Heechul wanted to start his rehab tomorrow. So that he could go hide his drugs and get high one last time.
Heechul turned, his eyes narrowing once more as he surveyed HanGeng. “No?” He said softly, and the tone of his voice was dangerous. Ryeowook tensed, knowing that that particular tone meant serious trouble.
“No.” HanGeng said, equally as strong. “You’re going now. It starts now.”
Heechul folded his arms, eyeing each of them with a calculating look. “This isn’t just you, is it?” He asked, looking around at each of them. “This is SM, isn’t it. Lee Soo Man doesn’t like his Big Space Star getting a little drunk now and then?”
“It’’s not just now and then, hyung.” Sungmin said quietly. “It’s all the time, and you know it. And it’s not just the alcohol, it’s the cocaine too.”
Heechul looked away from Sungmin, then to HanGeng. Silence fell for a few moments, and Ryeowook knew the end of this torture was coming to a close.
“I don’t have a choice, do I?” Heechul asked, his eyes finally landing on Leeteuk.
Their leader sighed, looking defeated, but also a little relieved. “No, you don’t.”
To be continued...
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