Without You
Title: Without You (Entry #4)
Author: Ink_River10
Pairing: KyuMin
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Character Death
Genre: One Shot - Angst
Disclaimer: I don’t own Super Junior - no one does
Author’s Note: *hides*
I’ll miss you. He thought to himself as he looked across the table. Zhou Mi was eating cereal from a bowl and looking intently at his laptop. Zhou Mi had been a good friend through all of this. He had been the one who pulled Kyuhyun from the crumpled car, bleeding and unconscious. He had been there in the hospital when Kyuhyun woke, his legs in casts and his whole body in screaming pain.
And he had been the one who had held onto him when Kyuhyun had been told that Sungmin had not survived the accident. Zhou Mi had been the one to hold Kyuhyun upright at the funeral when all Kyuhyun had wanted to do was scream and cry and throw things.
But now, he didn’t want to throw things, or scream, or even cry anymore. The numbness had seeped into the marrow of his bones, rendering him completely apathetic to almost everything.
Sungmin was gone, and there was nothing left.
Zhou Mi shut his laptop and looked at Kyuhyun with apprehension. “Are you going to be okay today?” He asked, and Kyuhyun nodded automatically. He didn’t speak much at all these days. What was there to say? “I’ll only be gone two hours. I’ll have my cell if you want anything, all right?”
Kyuhyun nodded again, but the words only registered slightly in his brain. Zhou Mi was going out to run errands, and go to the grocery store.
I’ll miss you. I’m sorry.
Zhou Mi stood and came around the table, then hugged Kyuhyun gently. “I’ll be back. You should go outside. It’s nice out today.”
Kyuhyun looked away, a sickening sensation gripping his stomach. He hadn’t been outside in over a week. It wasn’t right that the sun was shining…that life was going on without Sungmin in it. Kyuhyun swallowed and Zhou Mi sighed. The sound penetrated through the numbness, making Kyuhyun even more certain that this was the best thing he could do.
He couldn’t let Zhou Mi babysit him anymore. He had to do this. To end the torture of waking up alone and going to sleep alone. And to save Zhou Mi a lifetime of worrying and fretting over him.
Zhou Mi picked up his keys by the door, gave Kyuhyun one more hesitant look and then waved. Kyuhyun looked down at his lap and didn’t wave back. He did not see Zhou Mi bite his lip in worry.
When the door clicked shut, Kyuhyun looked over at the crutches leaning against the kitchen table. He hated them. He hated needing them, he hated his life, he hated being left behind. His throat began to clog again and he swallowed it back, not willing himself to feel the loss of Sungmin. It wouldn’t matter soon anyway…..soon, he was going to be with Sungmin again.
He reached over and picked up one crutch, then the other. He inhaled and hauled himself to his feet, feeling the white hot jagged pain zigzag up his spine and through the rest of his body.
Fixing the supports under his arms, he hobbled towards the window and looked out. Zhou Mi was just exiting the building, walking towards his little car with his phone pressed against his ear.
Distantly Kyuhyun knew that this would hurt Zhou Mi, but he couldn’t live like this anymore. “I’m sorry, Mimi.” He whispered. He watched Zhou Mi get in the car and drive away. When he was certain he was gone, he pulled the note he had written last night from his pocket and set it on the table. He recalled what he had written as he limped to the door and numbly shoved his feet into his shoes.
Zhou Mi,
I know you will be sad and hurt that I did this, but I can’t live like this anymore. It’s not the physical pain…I know that would heal in time….I just can’t live without him. Please don’t hate me. I hope you have a good life and that you never lose someone you love the way I did. I’m sorry.
Kyuhyun
Kyuhyun opened the door and maneuvered himself out into the hallway. He closed the door behind him. He hadn’t taken his keys to be able to get back in. He hadn’t taken anything at all. He wouldn’t need any of it.
He slowly and painfully made his way from the doorway to the elevator, and from the elevator to the lobby. Zhou Mi had been right….it was a bright, sunny day, and it mocked him. He took a deep breath and began the long, slow walk to the bridge.
It’s better this way. I’ll be with Sungmin again. I won’t have to live without him anymore.
After what seemed like hours, Kyuhyun finally reached the bridge. He placed his hands on the concrete and pulled himself up, inch by painful inch until the crutches clattered to the pavement below him. He leaned heavily against the iron pilings and looked down at the cold, dark water below.
I love you, Sungmin.
He leaned forward into the sun and closed his eyes, glad that it was finally over.
.
Author: Ink_River10
Pairing: KyuMin
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Character Death
Genre: One Shot - Angst
Disclaimer: I don’t own Super Junior - no one does
Author’s Note: *hides*
I’ll miss you. He thought to himself as he looked across the table. Zhou Mi was eating cereal from a bowl and looking intently at his laptop. Zhou Mi had been a good friend through all of this. He had been the one who pulled Kyuhyun from the crumpled car, bleeding and unconscious. He had been there in the hospital when Kyuhyun woke, his legs in casts and his whole body in screaming pain.
And he had been the one who had held onto him when Kyuhyun had been told that Sungmin had not survived the accident. Zhou Mi had been the one to hold Kyuhyun upright at the funeral when all Kyuhyun had wanted to do was scream and cry and throw things.
But now, he didn’t want to throw things, or scream, or even cry anymore. The numbness had seeped into the marrow of his bones, rendering him completely apathetic to almost everything.
Sungmin was gone, and there was nothing left.
Zhou Mi shut his laptop and looked at Kyuhyun with apprehension. “Are you going to be okay today?” He asked, and Kyuhyun nodded automatically. He didn’t speak much at all these days. What was there to say? “I’ll only be gone two hours. I’ll have my cell if you want anything, all right?”
Kyuhyun nodded again, but the words only registered slightly in his brain. Zhou Mi was going out to run errands, and go to the grocery store.
I’ll miss you. I’m sorry.
Zhou Mi stood and came around the table, then hugged Kyuhyun gently. “I’ll be back. You should go outside. It’s nice out today.”
Kyuhyun looked away, a sickening sensation gripping his stomach. He hadn’t been outside in over a week. It wasn’t right that the sun was shining…that life was going on without Sungmin in it. Kyuhyun swallowed and Zhou Mi sighed. The sound penetrated through the numbness, making Kyuhyun even more certain that this was the best thing he could do.
He couldn’t let Zhou Mi babysit him anymore. He had to do this. To end the torture of waking up alone and going to sleep alone. And to save Zhou Mi a lifetime of worrying and fretting over him.
Zhou Mi picked up his keys by the door, gave Kyuhyun one more hesitant look and then waved. Kyuhyun looked down at his lap and didn’t wave back. He did not see Zhou Mi bite his lip in worry.
When the door clicked shut, Kyuhyun looked over at the crutches leaning against the kitchen table. He hated them. He hated needing them, he hated his life, he hated being left behind. His throat began to clog again and he swallowed it back, not willing himself to feel the loss of Sungmin. It wouldn’t matter soon anyway…..soon, he was going to be with Sungmin again.
He reached over and picked up one crutch, then the other. He inhaled and hauled himself to his feet, feeling the white hot jagged pain zigzag up his spine and through the rest of his body.
Fixing the supports under his arms, he hobbled towards the window and looked out. Zhou Mi was just exiting the building, walking towards his little car with his phone pressed against his ear.
Distantly Kyuhyun knew that this would hurt Zhou Mi, but he couldn’t live like this anymore. “I’m sorry, Mimi.” He whispered. He watched Zhou Mi get in the car and drive away. When he was certain he was gone, he pulled the note he had written last night from his pocket and set it on the table. He recalled what he had written as he limped to the door and numbly shoved his feet into his shoes.
Zhou Mi,
I know you will be sad and hurt that I did this, but I can’t live like this anymore. It’s not the physical pain…I know that would heal in time….I just can’t live without him. Please don’t hate me. I hope you have a good life and that you never lose someone you love the way I did. I’m sorry.
Kyuhyun
Kyuhyun opened the door and maneuvered himself out into the hallway. He closed the door behind him. He hadn’t taken his keys to be able to get back in. He hadn’t taken anything at all. He wouldn’t need any of it.
He slowly and painfully made his way from the doorway to the elevator, and from the elevator to the lobby. Zhou Mi had been right….it was a bright, sunny day, and it mocked him. He took a deep breath and began the long, slow walk to the bridge.
It’s better this way. I’ll be with Sungmin again. I won’t have to live without him anymore.
After what seemed like hours, Kyuhyun finally reached the bridge. He placed his hands on the concrete and pulled himself up, inch by painful inch until the crutches clattered to the pavement below him. He leaned heavily against the iron pilings and looked down at the cold, dark water below.
I love you, Sungmin.
He leaned forward into the sun and closed his eyes, glad that it was finally over.
.