Fine
Title: Fine
Author: Ink_River10
Pairing: Implied!HanChul
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Genre: Ficlet - Angst
Disclaimer: I do not own Super Junior and make no profit from this fic
Summary: Heechul hears a rumor
It happens quietly, just when he has finally found a way to breathe again. He has finally come to a place where the hole in his chest doesn’t impede his ability to function in the world. He has come so far, and he has built a wall around himself for the simple purpose of holding himself together. He is doing so well, pretending and smiling, laughing, all the while ignoring the growing ache in his chest. It should have healed with time, and instead it’s just gotten older and more scarred.
He has perfected this act of being ‘fine’ again so well that he has even begun to believe it. But no matter how often he tells himself that he is fine, it is becoming harder to deny that he is not.
Loneliness is a disease that spreads through everything, and Kim Heechul had become its king. His fans have begun calling him the crazy cat lady, and he laughs, feeling the stinging sensation in his chest every time the sound of it echoes back at him.
He speaks of wanting a wife and children, but never of love.
He had that once and it nearly killed him. He is wiser now, and although he appears invincible, he is still human.
And so it happens silently, without warning, coming in the form of a rumor he was unprepared for…a rumor that he would have preferred never to learn about.
He’s dating someone.
Kim Heechul pretends this doesn’t affect him. He eats his cereal at the breakfast table, avoiding all their hesitant looks and Leeteuk’s worried questions.
It’s fine. I’m fine. He scoffs, gathering up his coat and shoes and leaving before the rest of them can come and look at him like he’s a ticking bomb about to explode.
He retreats inward, allowing himself exactly three minutes of pain, the integration of this information that slices through the façade he has perfected. It cuts at him, his pride, his heart, and kills that one tiny flickering hope that maybe someday He would come back……
And then he swallows it whole again, pushing it back inside him where he pretends it isn’t still eating him alive.
It’s fine. He tells himself. I’m fine.
But in the steady marching of time and circumstance….in the inevitable act of getting old, he knows he is not fine. He knows that it no longer matters what confessions or promises were made in the dark, or of the naïve dreams about the future. It no longer matters what was said, because in the end it was all a lie.
He pulls himself together again with a smile and a laugh, a famous smirk that still serves him well. It’s time to be funny and quirky, haughty and vain. Time to be an oddball and a rockstar, a bratty hyung everyone loves.
He can be all those things, but he will never be truly ‘fine’ again.
.
Author: Ink_River10
Pairing: Implied!HanChul
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Genre: Ficlet - Angst
Disclaimer: I do not own Super Junior and make no profit from this fic
Summary: Heechul hears a rumor
It happens quietly, just when he has finally found a way to breathe again. He has finally come to a place where the hole in his chest doesn’t impede his ability to function in the world. He has come so far, and he has built a wall around himself for the simple purpose of holding himself together. He is doing so well, pretending and smiling, laughing, all the while ignoring the growing ache in his chest. It should have healed with time, and instead it’s just gotten older and more scarred.
He has perfected this act of being ‘fine’ again so well that he has even begun to believe it. But no matter how often he tells himself that he is fine, it is becoming harder to deny that he is not.
Loneliness is a disease that spreads through everything, and Kim Heechul had become its king. His fans have begun calling him the crazy cat lady, and he laughs, feeling the stinging sensation in his chest every time the sound of it echoes back at him.
He speaks of wanting a wife and children, but never of love.
He had that once and it nearly killed him. He is wiser now, and although he appears invincible, he is still human.
And so it happens silently, without warning, coming in the form of a rumor he was unprepared for…a rumor that he would have preferred never to learn about.
He’s dating someone.
Kim Heechul pretends this doesn’t affect him. He eats his cereal at the breakfast table, avoiding all their hesitant looks and Leeteuk’s worried questions.
It’s fine. I’m fine. He scoffs, gathering up his coat and shoes and leaving before the rest of them can come and look at him like he’s a ticking bomb about to explode.
He retreats inward, allowing himself exactly three minutes of pain, the integration of this information that slices through the façade he has perfected. It cuts at him, his pride, his heart, and kills that one tiny flickering hope that maybe someday He would come back……
And then he swallows it whole again, pushing it back inside him where he pretends it isn’t still eating him alive.
It’s fine. He tells himself. I’m fine.
But in the steady marching of time and circumstance….in the inevitable act of getting old, he knows he is not fine. He knows that it no longer matters what confessions or promises were made in the dark, or of the naïve dreams about the future. It no longer matters what was said, because in the end it was all a lie.
He pulls himself together again with a smile and a laugh, a famous smirk that still serves him well. It’s time to be funny and quirky, haughty and vain. Time to be an oddball and a rockstar, a bratty hyung everyone loves.
He can be all those things, but he will never be truly ‘fine’ again.
.