A Long Road To Home (8)
TITLE: A Long Road To Home
RATING: 14 +
DESCRIPTION: Sophie leaves home and meets Sian, who offers her a job and place to live.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing.
NOTE: This part is quite long so....sorry :)
SOPHIE'S POV:
I'm dying. I'm dying. God...My head is...Oh, I'm dying.
The sheets are too heavy on top of my sweating body but I know I'd be too cold without them. Grumbling, trying to make as little movement as possible I slide up in the bed, my eyes still closed. Great, I'm gonna be sick! I swing my hand to my mouth quickly not wanting to vomit all over the bed covers but the swift movement only makes me feel worse. I push back the sheets and shift out of the bed moving like a robot.
"Oh God, Oh God..." I whimper moving to the toilet. I practically run to the door at first but have to stop realizing that moving quickly only makes me feel a million times worse. I don't think I'll make it if I walk slowly though so I chance it and bolt out into the hall and crash through the bathroom door, throwing myself at the toilet only just making it. I collapse down as I vomit over and over again, grabbing handfuls of my hair trying my best to move it away from my face. "God..." I whisper and then my head falls forward and I puke again. After about 5 straight minutes of being sick, I slump down next to the toilet and groan putting my head between my bent legs. I'm dying. I don't feel any better at all. My entire body feels so weak, I can barely life my arm without thinking it's going to fall off. Never again. Never drinking again.
I moan quietly staying completely still, trying not to think about how sick I'm feeling. My head is thumping, proper throbbing. I really need to go find some pain killers.
"Soph?" I swing my head around to see her, regretting it immediately. I grab hold of the toilet seat again and haul my body up to be sick. Sian gasps behind me and I feel her hand grab my hair pulling it back and the other rub my back comfortingly as she tells me to get it all up and whispers that it's okay.
When I don't think I could possible have anything left to vomit up I fall back to the toilet floor, accepting the handful of toilet paper Sian gives me to clean my mouth. Great, I must look really attractive right now! "Sorry." I mumble flicking the toilet paper down the toilet after my mouth is clean. My head falls down again and I don't have the strength to pull it back up to look at her.
"Don't be daft." She smiles sympathetically reaching to flush the toilet.
After a few long seconds Sian sighs and moves to sit down on the floor beside me. That's when I remember what happened last night. Oh my God, how did I even get back here? I don't have a clue. I don't remember a thing after leaving the club with Lynn...Oh no, Lynn. We kissed, Sian saw. Did I go back with Lynn? Oh no! My head throbs even harder as I search my mind trying to figure out what happened. Sian left with that girl didn't she? Great, fucked that one up Sophie! Just bloody great!
I turn to face Sian who just stares at me like she knows something I don't. Please God, don't let me have said anything to her about what happened with me leaving my mum...Oh bloody hell, I bet I told her I was 17. Oh I did, didn't I? I cannot remember a thing I said!
"I don't remember what happened." I frown able to hide the sheer panic I'm feeling. "Did I...?"
"I don't either." Sian cuts in admitting, shaking her head and then looking at the wall opposite us, away from me. She doesn't remember going off with that Jennifer girl? She doesn't remember me and Lynn...
"I...I don't know how I got back here." I push my hair back from my face, my hand shaking. How much did I drink?!
"Mmm...I don't think you came back here. " Sian mumbles and then she turns to me, her eyes boaring into mines. "You must have went back to Lynn's last night, you don't remember?"
"No I...I only remember you leaving with Jennifer and then...I don't know. I don't know what happened after that." I frown trying so hard to recall what happened. I must have been absolutely splattered.
"Well knowing Lynn...you probably went back to hers, had sex a bunch of times and then she must have dropped you back off here...I don't know." Sian shrugs, swallowing loudly and then fiddling with her hands in her lap refusing to look at me again. She seems really pissed off at me. I don't know if I did anything to...She doesn't like the thought of me with Lynn, that's it. She was angry with me in the club too! She stormed out and...That's it! I don't know why's she's all angry about it if she went and did the exact same thing.
"You think I'm like that?" I turn to her asking the question seriously. I don't know for sure whether or not it happened but it certainly isn't something I'd normally do and I don't actually think anything happened.
Sian turns her head to me and just looks. She's thinking about something, how to answer the question. Her shoulders pull up and slump back down in a shrug before she turns away again.
"Thanks!" I scoff genuinely hurt that she thinks that.
We're silent for a long time after that and as we sit on her bathroom floor not talking, the night comes back to me bit by bit. I've never felt so relived and screwed at the same time as I finally realize what happened when I left with Lynn. We didn't have sex, thank God. But the reason has my mind racing and the sweat literally pouring out of me for panic. Lynn knows what age I am. That's why we didn't have sex. I told her I was 17. Sian told her I was 19 when she was buying the drinks. Shit, she's gonna tell Sian! I remember babbling on about how nice Sian had been to me, how beautiful I thought she was. I kept asking questions, she was getting proper annoyed with me wanting to talk about Sian. Then I told her not to tell Sian I was only 17 and she flipped out, put me in her car and drove me back. Oh God!
I quickly jump up forgetting how sick I'd been feeling and race to find my phone back in the bedroom. Sian calls after me confused before getting up to follow me. I only notice the state of the room when I get back in. Clothes are everywhere, pillows are on the floor, empty glasses...why are there so many empty glasses in here? I rummage through my jacket pocket and then through my bag needing to find my phone fast. I start panicking when I can't, thinking that Lynn could come round here anytime she wanted and mess this whole thing up. I was doing a pretty good job of that already though...
"Sophie, what are you looking for?" Sian asks bewildered picking up a few pillows from the floor and chucking them back on the bed as she watches me panic.
"My mobile! I can't...." I groan not knowing where else to look for it. I fall down on to the edge of the bed, clawing at my arms nervously.
"Do you know the number? You can use my phone to give it a ring if you want..." She offers helpfully, showing that perfect side to her again. She's really gonna be angry with me if she finds out I lied to her and that I let her buy me drinks and give me a job when it was illegal. She could get in so much trouble because of me. I am just a fucking stupid little girl!
"Yes, yes, thank you." I sigh relieved and take her phone from her hand and quickly punch in my number - hoping that she'd save it despite my fear of what would happen if Lynn let on to her my actual age.
I listen to it ringing and strain my ears as I hear the muffled vibrating of my own mobile. Sian narrows her eyes trying to figure out where the sound is coming from. She takes a few steps towards me and then pauses before backing up to the window. Pausing again, she narrows her eyes and then flips the curtains back, shaking them making something thump to the floor.
"Why." Sian bends down to pick it up. "Is your mobile inside the curtains?" She bursts out laughing handing it to me.
I flushed red having no idea why my phone was there. I'm such an idiot! "Thank you." I smile gratefully giving Sian her own phone back and watching as she messes about with some of the buttons before sighing and folding her arms over her chest, staring at me with a little smile still on her lips. I know I looked dead rough but she looked amazing for someone who was probably still hungover.
"What's so urgent then?" She asks curiously and I smile awkwardly.
"This might sound dead cheeky and rude and I know you live here and everything but this is really private...I mean..." I trail off feeling like the biggest knob in the world. I just really didn't want her to know who I was phoning.
"Oh." She nods quickly and then turns around just as fast. "Right, of course." She puts on a smile before shuffling to the door.
"Thank you for....finding it." I thank her quietly and she just nods her head before slipping out leaving me to feel like shit.
Why did I always have to make everything so hard? It was me, it really was. Me mum was right... Shaking my head to get rid of my thoughts I scroll through my contacts until I find Lynn or 'Lnynd' as I'd drunkenly put last night. I was so glad now that she had insisted on giving me her number at the club. I don't remember whether or not she had taken mines but it didn't matter. I just wanted to tell her I was sorry and plead with her not to tell Sian my little secret. I hit the call button and listened to the three rings before Lynn picked up.
"What?" She sighed her voice groggy and I knew I'd woken her from her sleep.
"Lynn." I breath down the phone feeling nervous suddenly. "It's Sophie."
There was a silence and I heard some shuffling as if she was sitting up before she spoke again. "Oh, hi. Thanks for waking me up!" Her voice was tinged with playfulness but she her words were serious.
"I know, sorry." I mumbled into the phone looking over to the door to make sure it was closed. "I just...I wanted to say sorry, you know, for last night..."
"Ha, don't worry about it. It's good, we're fine." She laughed but I wasn't convinced.
"You're not angry with me?" I question screwing up my face waiting for the answer as if it was going to physically hurt me.
"Angry?" She asks curiously and then chuckles. "No, I'm not angry. Although you are the first girl in a long time to leave my bedroom unsatisfied." She laughs at her own joke and I feel myself smiling too.
"Yeah." I reply quietly. "Okay, I'm glad it's...You know, I just wanted to ask....about what I said to you last night, do you know what I'm talking about?" I ask hoping that I don't have to start spelling things out to her.
"Oh, about the 17 thing? Hey, you did nearly give me a heart-attack with that one by the way" I though you were older." I cringe into the phone wanting the conversation to be over. "Don't worry, I wont say anything." She assures me and I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.
"Thank you." Is all I manage to croak out. I could have caused so much trouble with that. Lynn sounded serious and I believed that she wouldn't say anything to Sian. She clearly wasn't angry about last night so she had no reason to want to mess with me.
"No problem, Sophie. You okay anyway, you were pretty wrecked last night?" Lynn questions and I know she's smiling.
"I know, I was sick so much, earlier. " I admit and Lynn chuckles.
"Well I think we should both go back to sleep, eh? What do you think?" Her voice is teasing and right on cue she lets out a long yawn and then it sounds like she stretches.
"Yeah, sorry for waking ya." I giggle into the phone. "See ya later."
"Bye, babe." Lynn sighs. "Try not to be sick again and drink water!" She sings down the phone laughing again.
"Yeah, I will. Thanks again by the way, bye." And with that I end the call and fall back into the bed.
I'm soooo lucky she wasn't pissed off with me. God...I need to sleep again. As I crawled back under the covers, trying pathetically to move, there was a knocking at the door.
"Yeah?" I called out, hissing in a small breath when my head throbbed because of my shouting.
Sian peaked her head through entering fully when I smiled at her with a glass in her hand.
"Painkillers." She nodded walking to the beside and holding out her hand. I lifted my own hand up and she dropped two little white tablets into it before handing me the glass of ice cold water. I slung the pills into my mouth and gulped at the water to wash them down, enjoying the refreshing taste.
"Thank you." I yawned flopping back into the pillows. Sian was dead sweet even after I'd kicked her out of a room that was hers. "Sian?" I asked her hesitantly when she backed up to leave me again.
"Yeah?" She asks shaking her head and smiling, bending down to pick another pillow up off the floor. She slung it onto the chair in the corner and folded her arms as she waited for me to continue.
"Can we...you know, talk after I've had a sleep?" I ask quickly, rushing my words afraid I would stop mid-sentence. "Oh." I mumbled realizing something. "I don't...you said we weren't working today, didn't ya?" I ask checking I hadn't imagined it.
"Yeah, we aren't." She giggled. "And yeah...we can talk...what about by the way?"
"No, I just...." I sigh snuggling into the sheets my eyelids getting heavier as the seconds slipped past. "Wanted to talk to you about...anything, I just...I dunno." I mumbled and head her giggle when I finally allow my eyes to droop shut.
"Sure." Sian whispers and I hear her feet shuffle on the carpet. A few seconds later I heard her footsteps as she made her way to the door. "Have a good sleep, Soph." She tells me before opening the door quietly and shutting it gently behind her.
It takes me a fair bit to actually fall asleep because of the niggling in the back of my head as I remembered more and more about last night. I was upset, genuinely upset that Sian had gone back with Jennifer. I was a little tipsy by the time I heard about their past with each other and I couldn't remember if they'd actually been together or anything. Jennifer fancied her, that much was clear. And the feelings must have been mutual if last night was anything to go by. I tossed and turned for awhile before finally and thankfully falling into a deep, deep sleep.
When I woke I felt very refreshed and well again. I checked my phone and realized it was already tea time meaning I'd been asleep for ages! I hopped out of the bed and quickly made it. The room was still in a mess with all my clothes and empty glasses so I cleared it up, opening the windows for some fresh air before heading to the shower to clean myself up.
I bumped into Sian as I came out of the bathroom in my towel, a toothbrush hanging from my mouth. I quickly pulled it out, smiling shyly, embarrassed she had seen me this way.
"Hiya." She beamed, shaking her head at the toothbrush in my hand. "Good sleep? All fresh now?"
"Yeah, thanks." I mumble, swaying a little unsure of what to do.
We stood looking at each other, neither of us knowing if this conversation was actually going to happen or not, before Sian spoke up.
"Did you...still want to talk?" She asked softly fiddling with her hands and then crossing them over her chest.
"Erm...yeah. Can we go into the room though, I'm freezing out here!" I joke and Sian giggles nodding. She follows me into the room that was even colder than the hallway. I closed the windows and sat on the edge of the bed while Sian slumped down in the now clothes free chair.
"I just wanted to say about....you know, you've no idea how much it means to me that you're letting me stay here with you. You gave me a job and a hom.... a place to live." I correct myself automatically not really even realizing it. "I don't even know how I'll ever repay you for that, Sian."
Sian sat listening intently as I spoke here piercing blue eyes never for a second leaving my face.
"You don't have anything to repay, Soph." Sian smiled warmly. "I'm glad that I could help you out and I'll never ask for anything in return. I want to help you. I mean, I don't want you out of money or with no place to live when I can give you both."
"I know and that's cause you're well nice, isn't it?" I nod my head smiling. "You've been dead nice to me and I'm just...I don't really know what to do when you are cause...I don't know, I've never really been in a situation like that before."
"A situation when someone was nice to you?" Sian questions hesitantly.
"Well." I sigh deciding I was just gonna tell her the truth. "Not really....not recently anyway."
"Oh." Was all she responded. She didn't know what to make of what I was saying and I don't blame her cause if someone said something like that to me I wouldn't have much to say either.
"I'm sorry, I just...." I mumble fiddling with the bottom of my towel.
"Don't be sorrry. You can tell me whatever's gone on, you know Soph. I'll listen to ya, I'll help ya. I just...You've made me proper curious cause you don't say much and I don't know, I wanna know about you. I don't care if it's bad or...It's not like I'm gonna judge you is it?" Sian tells me so genuinely. She's perfect. She is actually perfect. I want to tell her now but at the same time I don't; I don't want her to think bad about me when she doesn't even really know me yet. I don't think she will. She said she wouldn't judge me and I know she wont.
"Listen, right, do you wanna know why I can't and wont judge you?" She sits forward on the seat her stare more intense.
I only nod, my heart beat increasing at her tone.
"You must 'ave been wondering why I went off with Jen, eh? I mean you probably didn't know I liked girls? Yeah, well, I do. I'm not gay and that's not me in denial or anything. And I'm not bisexual, I'm just into whoever I'm into..."
"And that happens to be Jennifer?" I cut in wanting to know. I hadn't fully processed what she was telling me yet, all I got was that she wasn't straight and honestly that was what I cared most about.
"No, I'm not...Just let me finish telling you this first, will ya?" Sian asked standing up from the chair and sitting close to me on the bed before continuing. "All this? The bar... the money, all of it; Adam and I have earned. We worked hard for it. People assume our dad threw his money at us to make up for our childhood and he did but I threw it right back at him. My mum left us when I was 10 and that was that, I didn't know why, all I knew was that we were left with him. When I was 15, my dad chucked me out of the house because he found out that I was kinda going out with this lass...Went mental, he did. Told me I wasn't his daughter anymore and he got arrested about a week later cause he knocked Adam about when he tried to get me to come back. I went to live with my Gran and like months later he asked me back. He said he was wrong and that he loved me and that he wanted me to come back..." Sian trailed off looking up at the ceiling and taking in a sharp breath trying to stop the tears that were mounting in her eyes.
"You don't have to..." I whisper but she shakes her head.
"No...It's okay. So I went back to live with him and I had to pretend to be something I wasn't. You know, I lost my virginity to this lad...he was like the popular lad in my school and I cried for days after it. I didn't like him, I didn't fancy him but I went ahead and slept with him to make my dad happy. I don't know why I wanted to but...I don't know, I really don't know. I lived there miserably with him until Adam moved out when he was 19, I was 17 and I went too. Adam let me move into the flat he'd got and he took the money my dad gave him to pay for it. I liked living with him, Adam was like the only person who cared about me, who actually loved me and...he didn't mind that I liked girls when I did."
Sian stopped again and wiped her dry cheeks making sure they were in fact dry and then she smiled. I wasn't sure whether it was a real one or a fake one. All I could think when she did that was; she's so strong.
"So..." She smiled looking back at me. "We went and rented a flat and then rented ours to someone else. It actually worked cause we charged them loads but it was a proper nice flat. We ended up with a bit of money and after getting loans and Adam taking money off me dad again to buy and rent another flat we decided we wanted to open a bar or something together. We worked crazy jobs at all hours for the money we needed. Adam worked as just about everything trying to get the money and I stuck to bar jobs, waitressing, cleaning....But we got it and we bought this place, tore it apart and started again. We were screwed at first but once we picked up it went amazing...I'll never be able to repay Adam for all he's done for me. My dad phones us every now and then and Adam takes his money at Christmas' and birthdays but I just send it right back to him. I do love him but...He messed me up and....I wont forgive him." Sian stopped and then chuckled to herself. "Bet you weren't expecting that, eh"? She grinned concluding her talking.
I didn't know what to say, all I knew that she was so strong and independent and I thought she was amazing after hearing that. Really amazing. "No..." I managed to croak out with a small smile.
"Right, you!" She giggled pressing her leg into my own slightly. "You better come up with something at least half as long and boring as that!"
"I'm just gonna say it, you've told me the truth so...I just...Right..." I take a deep breath before starting. "I'm gay and I've known since I was about 13 or something. I was just never attracted to boys, I tried to be at first just because I thought I was supposed to be but I always thought of girls the way I was supposed to think of boys; like I thought about kissing girls and I was attracted to girls. I didn't tell anyone because my mum would have went mental and she did when I eventually admitted it. Anyway, there was this girl, Nicole. She was so confident and beautiful and nice...I fancied her for about 2 years in high school. I never thought I would have a chance cause she was popular, everyone loved her and I was just invisible. But...we became friends and then, then one day I kissed her. And it wasn't like kissing lads, it didn't feel wrong or anything. After that we got together and I fell so in love with her, I did. We were together for ages and we came out as a couple. Safe to say Nicole was no longer the most popular girl in school. People hated us but...we wanted to be together. My mum went mad, like I said. She was so angry and me dad was too. They split up, not because of us but cause my dad knocked up the girl in the corner shop while my mum was fighting cancer. It all came out and they divorced and fought all the time. Rosie, my sister, was the only thing I had. Bit like you and Adam, a lot like actually. She was the only one that cared apart from Nicole." I feel the tears drip down my cheeks and wipe them away quickly embarrassed at not being as strong as Sian.
I was telling her all of this, a girl I'd know for such a short time and I was giving her my life story. I didn't feel uncomfortable telling her, it was like she already knew anyway.
"You know, they broke up, Rosie got pregnant and I was left at home with my mum. She hated who I was and refused to let Nicole in the house. When she was the only thing in the world I had left to cling onto she went and cheated on me. With a lad. Turns out I'd corrupted her and whatever else it was she said. She dumped me after it all. Broke my heart a million times over. I really did love her and she just didn't give a shit...She went back to the top of the school and my life was hell. So I chucked it, tried to start at college but it wasn't happening for me. So...I got up and I left. My mum shouted at me told me never to come back if I walked out but I did. I hate my dad, hate everything about him and I just don't care about my mum. It was all fine, really it was, until the thing with my dad getting Molly pregnant...It's his fault. My mum just went all cold and hated me when I told her I was gay so...I left and now here I am. Here I am." I finish in a whispered sniff.
I was embarrassed, so embarrassed that I was crying but Sian pulled me into a tight hug, stroking my hair telling me it was okay to cry about it. So I did. In her arms, with Sian holding me tightly, it felt right, so right. No one had made me feel so safe and cared about, not Nicole, not my mum, no one.
I pulled back after a few minutes, laughing slightly at my stupid crying. I wiped my cheeks dry and Sian moved my damp hair away from my face.
"So that's my stupid story....that's why I turned up outside the bar and that's why I'm...that's why I'm me basically. Messed up, eh?" I try to joke about it but Sian just frowns sadly.
"I know this'll sound dead bad and I'm not glad any of that happened to you but I'm so glad you did turn up at my door." She told me gently resting her hand on top of my own on top of my towel.
"Yeah..I am too." I admit and then sniff before smiling again. "What are we like!?" I giggle and Sian smiles this time too.
"So...about....Jennifer?" I ask after a few minutes of silence.
"She's my best mate and I was gonna use her like she was nothing, I really was. " Sian shook her head her voice ashamed. "She.. you know, she likes me and...I just don't feel the same. But last night she took me back to hers and...."
"You slept together." I whisper my heart sinking.
"No." Sian shook her head. "No, we....I couldn't. I couldn't do that to her...I couldn't do that to myself. I...bloody hell...."
"I don't...." I whisper not knowing what she was talking about.
"I couldn't just have sex with her when all I'd have been thinking about was you." Sian sighs shaking her head pressing her tongue into her cheek.
What? What? Why wasn't I able to speak? She...what did she just say? Did she...was...what....
"What?" I finally manage to croak out. My head was spinning.
"Yeah." Sian whispered. And then she edged forward her hand tightening on top of mines. Was she...
Sian stopped inches away from my face, so close that I could feel her hot breath on my lips. She was gonna kiss me. Sian was gonna kiss me...Sian who's surname I'd only found out last night was gonna kiss me! Fuck, Sophie don't move away....God, her lips look so good.
How did this happen? I forget everything we'd just said to each other as she inches closer.
"Soph..." Sian breathes out her voice uncertain.
I can't stand being this close to her and not doing anything so I close the distance between us and fly away when my lips finally reach Sian's. She gasps a little, not expecting what I did, before she pressed her soft, perfect lips harder against mines. The hand that lay on the bed shoots up to my face, cupping my cheek so softly before diving into my damp hair. I can't breath. I've never known anything so completely perfect in my life. My lips are tingling against hers and my head is still spinning. Her hand grips mines tighter again and she shuffles moving her body closer to mines. My free hand slide up her arm to her shoulder and then to her neck where I try to pull her closer to me.
I'm melting into her; she's making me shiver and flush at the same time. My heart's going so fast I think if she was any closer she'd feel it. Then her tongue slides out over my lips and I swear I could die. She tastes all minty and sweet and I part my lips as her tongue glides into my mouth. A heavy breath comes from both of us as Sian lifts off of the bed a little to get closer to me. My hair is tangled around her fingers and her warm tongue caresses my own. My head has gone all fuzzy and kissing her just feels so right.
I'm dying. I'm dying. God...My heart is ...Oh, I'm dying.
Thank you for reading :)
RATING: 14 +
DESCRIPTION: Sophie leaves home and meets Sian, who offers her a job and place to live.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing.
NOTE: This part is quite long so....sorry :)
SOPHIE'S POV:
I'm dying. I'm dying. God...My head is...Oh, I'm dying.
The sheets are too heavy on top of my sweating body but I know I'd be too cold without them. Grumbling, trying to make as little movement as possible I slide up in the bed, my eyes still closed. Great, I'm gonna be sick! I swing my hand to my mouth quickly not wanting to vomit all over the bed covers but the swift movement only makes me feel worse. I push back the sheets and shift out of the bed moving like a robot.
"Oh God, Oh God..." I whimper moving to the toilet. I practically run to the door at first but have to stop realizing that moving quickly only makes me feel a million times worse. I don't think I'll make it if I walk slowly though so I chance it and bolt out into the hall and crash through the bathroom door, throwing myself at the toilet only just making it. I collapse down as I vomit over and over again, grabbing handfuls of my hair trying my best to move it away from my face. "God..." I whisper and then my head falls forward and I puke again. After about 5 straight minutes of being sick, I slump down next to the toilet and groan putting my head between my bent legs. I'm dying. I don't feel any better at all. My entire body feels so weak, I can barely life my arm without thinking it's going to fall off. Never again. Never drinking again.
I moan quietly staying completely still, trying not to think about how sick I'm feeling. My head is thumping, proper throbbing. I really need to go find some pain killers.
"Soph?" I swing my head around to see her, regretting it immediately. I grab hold of the toilet seat again and haul my body up to be sick. Sian gasps behind me and I feel her hand grab my hair pulling it back and the other rub my back comfortingly as she tells me to get it all up and whispers that it's okay.
When I don't think I could possible have anything left to vomit up I fall back to the toilet floor, accepting the handful of toilet paper Sian gives me to clean my mouth. Great, I must look really attractive right now! "Sorry." I mumble flicking the toilet paper down the toilet after my mouth is clean. My head falls down again and I don't have the strength to pull it back up to look at her.
"Don't be daft." She smiles sympathetically reaching to flush the toilet.
After a few long seconds Sian sighs and moves to sit down on the floor beside me. That's when I remember what happened last night. Oh my God, how did I even get back here? I don't have a clue. I don't remember a thing after leaving the club with Lynn...Oh no, Lynn. We kissed, Sian saw. Did I go back with Lynn? Oh no! My head throbs even harder as I search my mind trying to figure out what happened. Sian left with that girl didn't she? Great, fucked that one up Sophie! Just bloody great!
I turn to face Sian who just stares at me like she knows something I don't. Please God, don't let me have said anything to her about what happened with me leaving my mum...Oh bloody hell, I bet I told her I was 17. Oh I did, didn't I? I cannot remember a thing I said!
"I don't remember what happened." I frown able to hide the sheer panic I'm feeling. "Did I...?"
"I don't either." Sian cuts in admitting, shaking her head and then looking at the wall opposite us, away from me. She doesn't remember going off with that Jennifer girl? She doesn't remember me and Lynn...
"I...I don't know how I got back here." I push my hair back from my face, my hand shaking. How much did I drink?!
"Mmm...I don't think you came back here. " Sian mumbles and then she turns to me, her eyes boaring into mines. "You must have went back to Lynn's last night, you don't remember?"
"No I...I only remember you leaving with Jennifer and then...I don't know. I don't know what happened after that." I frown trying so hard to recall what happened. I must have been absolutely splattered.
"Well knowing Lynn...you probably went back to hers, had sex a bunch of times and then she must have dropped you back off here...I don't know." Sian shrugs, swallowing loudly and then fiddling with her hands in her lap refusing to look at me again. She seems really pissed off at me. I don't know if I did anything to...She doesn't like the thought of me with Lynn, that's it. She was angry with me in the club too! She stormed out and...That's it! I don't know why's she's all angry about it if she went and did the exact same thing.
"You think I'm like that?" I turn to her asking the question seriously. I don't know for sure whether or not it happened but it certainly isn't something I'd normally do and I don't actually think anything happened.
Sian turns her head to me and just looks. She's thinking about something, how to answer the question. Her shoulders pull up and slump back down in a shrug before she turns away again.
"Thanks!" I scoff genuinely hurt that she thinks that.
We're silent for a long time after that and as we sit on her bathroom floor not talking, the night comes back to me bit by bit. I've never felt so relived and screwed at the same time as I finally realize what happened when I left with Lynn. We didn't have sex, thank God. But the reason has my mind racing and the sweat literally pouring out of me for panic. Lynn knows what age I am. That's why we didn't have sex. I told her I was 17. Sian told her I was 19 when she was buying the drinks. Shit, she's gonna tell Sian! I remember babbling on about how nice Sian had been to me, how beautiful I thought she was. I kept asking questions, she was getting proper annoyed with me wanting to talk about Sian. Then I told her not to tell Sian I was only 17 and she flipped out, put me in her car and drove me back. Oh God!
I quickly jump up forgetting how sick I'd been feeling and race to find my phone back in the bedroom. Sian calls after me confused before getting up to follow me. I only notice the state of the room when I get back in. Clothes are everywhere, pillows are on the floor, empty glasses...why are there so many empty glasses in here? I rummage through my jacket pocket and then through my bag needing to find my phone fast. I start panicking when I can't, thinking that Lynn could come round here anytime she wanted and mess this whole thing up. I was doing a pretty good job of that already though...
"Sophie, what are you looking for?" Sian asks bewildered picking up a few pillows from the floor and chucking them back on the bed as she watches me panic.
"My mobile! I can't...." I groan not knowing where else to look for it. I fall down on to the edge of the bed, clawing at my arms nervously.
"Do you know the number? You can use my phone to give it a ring if you want..." She offers helpfully, showing that perfect side to her again. She's really gonna be angry with me if she finds out I lied to her and that I let her buy me drinks and give me a job when it was illegal. She could get in so much trouble because of me. I am just a fucking stupid little girl!
"Yes, yes, thank you." I sigh relieved and take her phone from her hand and quickly punch in my number - hoping that she'd save it despite my fear of what would happen if Lynn let on to her my actual age.
I listen to it ringing and strain my ears as I hear the muffled vibrating of my own mobile. Sian narrows her eyes trying to figure out where the sound is coming from. She takes a few steps towards me and then pauses before backing up to the window. Pausing again, she narrows her eyes and then flips the curtains back, shaking them making something thump to the floor.
"Why." Sian bends down to pick it up. "Is your mobile inside the curtains?" She bursts out laughing handing it to me.
I flushed red having no idea why my phone was there. I'm such an idiot! "Thank you." I smile gratefully giving Sian her own phone back and watching as she messes about with some of the buttons before sighing and folding her arms over her chest, staring at me with a little smile still on her lips. I know I looked dead rough but she looked amazing for someone who was probably still hungover.
"What's so urgent then?" She asks curiously and I smile awkwardly.
"This might sound dead cheeky and rude and I know you live here and everything but this is really private...I mean..." I trail off feeling like the biggest knob in the world. I just really didn't want her to know who I was phoning.
"Oh." She nods quickly and then turns around just as fast. "Right, of course." She puts on a smile before shuffling to the door.
"Thank you for....finding it." I thank her quietly and she just nods her head before slipping out leaving me to feel like shit.
Why did I always have to make everything so hard? It was me, it really was. Me mum was right... Shaking my head to get rid of my thoughts I scroll through my contacts until I find Lynn or 'Lnynd' as I'd drunkenly put last night. I was so glad now that she had insisted on giving me her number at the club. I don't remember whether or not she had taken mines but it didn't matter. I just wanted to tell her I was sorry and plead with her not to tell Sian my little secret. I hit the call button and listened to the three rings before Lynn picked up.
"What?" She sighed her voice groggy and I knew I'd woken her from her sleep.
"Lynn." I breath down the phone feeling nervous suddenly. "It's Sophie."
There was a silence and I heard some shuffling as if she was sitting up before she spoke again. "Oh, hi. Thanks for waking me up!" Her voice was tinged with playfulness but she her words were serious.
"I know, sorry." I mumbled into the phone looking over to the door to make sure it was closed. "I just...I wanted to say sorry, you know, for last night..."
"Ha, don't worry about it. It's good, we're fine." She laughed but I wasn't convinced.
"You're not angry with me?" I question screwing up my face waiting for the answer as if it was going to physically hurt me.
"Angry?" She asks curiously and then chuckles. "No, I'm not angry. Although you are the first girl in a long time to leave my bedroom unsatisfied." She laughs at her own joke and I feel myself smiling too.
"Yeah." I reply quietly. "Okay, I'm glad it's...You know, I just wanted to ask....about what I said to you last night, do you know what I'm talking about?" I ask hoping that I don't have to start spelling things out to her.
"Oh, about the 17 thing? Hey, you did nearly give me a heart-attack with that one by the way" I though you were older." I cringe into the phone wanting the conversation to be over. "Don't worry, I wont say anything." She assures me and I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.
"Thank you." Is all I manage to croak out. I could have caused so much trouble with that. Lynn sounded serious and I believed that she wouldn't say anything to Sian. She clearly wasn't angry about last night so she had no reason to want to mess with me.
"No problem, Sophie. You okay anyway, you were pretty wrecked last night?" Lynn questions and I know she's smiling.
"I know, I was sick so much, earlier. " I admit and Lynn chuckles.
"Well I think we should both go back to sleep, eh? What do you think?" Her voice is teasing and right on cue she lets out a long yawn and then it sounds like she stretches.
"Yeah, sorry for waking ya." I giggle into the phone. "See ya later."
"Bye, babe." Lynn sighs. "Try not to be sick again and drink water!" She sings down the phone laughing again.
"Yeah, I will. Thanks again by the way, bye." And with that I end the call and fall back into the bed.
I'm soooo lucky she wasn't pissed off with me. God...I need to sleep again. As I crawled back under the covers, trying pathetically to move, there was a knocking at the door.
"Yeah?" I called out, hissing in a small breath when my head throbbed because of my shouting.
Sian peaked her head through entering fully when I smiled at her with a glass in her hand.
"Painkillers." She nodded walking to the beside and holding out her hand. I lifted my own hand up and she dropped two little white tablets into it before handing me the glass of ice cold water. I slung the pills into my mouth and gulped at the water to wash them down, enjoying the refreshing taste.
"Thank you." I yawned flopping back into the pillows. Sian was dead sweet even after I'd kicked her out of a room that was hers. "Sian?" I asked her hesitantly when she backed up to leave me again.
"Yeah?" She asks shaking her head and smiling, bending down to pick another pillow up off the floor. She slung it onto the chair in the corner and folded her arms as she waited for me to continue.
"Can we...you know, talk after I've had a sleep?" I ask quickly, rushing my words afraid I would stop mid-sentence. "Oh." I mumbled realizing something. "I don't...you said we weren't working today, didn't ya?" I ask checking I hadn't imagined it.
"Yeah, we aren't." She giggled. "And yeah...we can talk...what about by the way?"
"No, I just...." I sigh snuggling into the sheets my eyelids getting heavier as the seconds slipped past. "Wanted to talk to you about...anything, I just...I dunno." I mumbled and head her giggle when I finally allow my eyes to droop shut.
"Sure." Sian whispers and I hear her feet shuffle on the carpet. A few seconds later I heard her footsteps as she made her way to the door. "Have a good sleep, Soph." She tells me before opening the door quietly and shutting it gently behind her.
It takes me a fair bit to actually fall asleep because of the niggling in the back of my head as I remembered more and more about last night. I was upset, genuinely upset that Sian had gone back with Jennifer. I was a little tipsy by the time I heard about their past with each other and I couldn't remember if they'd actually been together or anything. Jennifer fancied her, that much was clear. And the feelings must have been mutual if last night was anything to go by. I tossed and turned for awhile before finally and thankfully falling into a deep, deep sleep.
When I woke I felt very refreshed and well again. I checked my phone and realized it was already tea time meaning I'd been asleep for ages! I hopped out of the bed and quickly made it. The room was still in a mess with all my clothes and empty glasses so I cleared it up, opening the windows for some fresh air before heading to the shower to clean myself up.
I bumped into Sian as I came out of the bathroom in my towel, a toothbrush hanging from my mouth. I quickly pulled it out, smiling shyly, embarrassed she had seen me this way.
"Hiya." She beamed, shaking her head at the toothbrush in my hand. "Good sleep? All fresh now?"
"Yeah, thanks." I mumble, swaying a little unsure of what to do.
We stood looking at each other, neither of us knowing if this conversation was actually going to happen or not, before Sian spoke up.
"Did you...still want to talk?" She asked softly fiddling with her hands and then crossing them over her chest.
"Erm...yeah. Can we go into the room though, I'm freezing out here!" I joke and Sian giggles nodding. She follows me into the room that was even colder than the hallway. I closed the windows and sat on the edge of the bed while Sian slumped down in the now clothes free chair.
"I just wanted to say about....you know, you've no idea how much it means to me that you're letting me stay here with you. You gave me a job and a hom.... a place to live." I correct myself automatically not really even realizing it. "I don't even know how I'll ever repay you for that, Sian."
Sian sat listening intently as I spoke here piercing blue eyes never for a second leaving my face.
"You don't have anything to repay, Soph." Sian smiled warmly. "I'm glad that I could help you out and I'll never ask for anything in return. I want to help you. I mean, I don't want you out of money or with no place to live when I can give you both."
"I know and that's cause you're well nice, isn't it?" I nod my head smiling. "You've been dead nice to me and I'm just...I don't really know what to do when you are cause...I don't know, I've never really been in a situation like that before."
"A situation when someone was nice to you?" Sian questions hesitantly.
"Well." I sigh deciding I was just gonna tell her the truth. "Not really....not recently anyway."
"Oh." Was all she responded. She didn't know what to make of what I was saying and I don't blame her cause if someone said something like that to me I wouldn't have much to say either.
"I'm sorry, I just...." I mumble fiddling with the bottom of my towel.
"Don't be sorrry. You can tell me whatever's gone on, you know Soph. I'll listen to ya, I'll help ya. I just...You've made me proper curious cause you don't say much and I don't know, I wanna know about you. I don't care if it's bad or...It's not like I'm gonna judge you is it?" Sian tells me so genuinely. She's perfect. She is actually perfect. I want to tell her now but at the same time I don't; I don't want her to think bad about me when she doesn't even really know me yet. I don't think she will. She said she wouldn't judge me and I know she wont.
"Listen, right, do you wanna know why I can't and wont judge you?" She sits forward on the seat her stare more intense.
I only nod, my heart beat increasing at her tone.
"You must 'ave been wondering why I went off with Jen, eh? I mean you probably didn't know I liked girls? Yeah, well, I do. I'm not gay and that's not me in denial or anything. And I'm not bisexual, I'm just into whoever I'm into..."
"And that happens to be Jennifer?" I cut in wanting to know. I hadn't fully processed what she was telling me yet, all I got was that she wasn't straight and honestly that was what I cared most about.
"No, I'm not...Just let me finish telling you this first, will ya?" Sian asked standing up from the chair and sitting close to me on the bed before continuing. "All this? The bar... the money, all of it; Adam and I have earned. We worked hard for it. People assume our dad threw his money at us to make up for our childhood and he did but I threw it right back at him. My mum left us when I was 10 and that was that, I didn't know why, all I knew was that we were left with him. When I was 15, my dad chucked me out of the house because he found out that I was kinda going out with this lass...Went mental, he did. Told me I wasn't his daughter anymore and he got arrested about a week later cause he knocked Adam about when he tried to get me to come back. I went to live with my Gran and like months later he asked me back. He said he was wrong and that he loved me and that he wanted me to come back..." Sian trailed off looking up at the ceiling and taking in a sharp breath trying to stop the tears that were mounting in her eyes.
"You don't have to..." I whisper but she shakes her head.
"No...It's okay. So I went back to live with him and I had to pretend to be something I wasn't. You know, I lost my virginity to this lad...he was like the popular lad in my school and I cried for days after it. I didn't like him, I didn't fancy him but I went ahead and slept with him to make my dad happy. I don't know why I wanted to but...I don't know, I really don't know. I lived there miserably with him until Adam moved out when he was 19, I was 17 and I went too. Adam let me move into the flat he'd got and he took the money my dad gave him to pay for it. I liked living with him, Adam was like the only person who cared about me, who actually loved me and...he didn't mind that I liked girls when I did."
Sian stopped again and wiped her dry cheeks making sure they were in fact dry and then she smiled. I wasn't sure whether it was a real one or a fake one. All I could think when she did that was; she's so strong.
"So..." She smiled looking back at me. "We went and rented a flat and then rented ours to someone else. It actually worked cause we charged them loads but it was a proper nice flat. We ended up with a bit of money and after getting loans and Adam taking money off me dad again to buy and rent another flat we decided we wanted to open a bar or something together. We worked crazy jobs at all hours for the money we needed. Adam worked as just about everything trying to get the money and I stuck to bar jobs, waitressing, cleaning....But we got it and we bought this place, tore it apart and started again. We were screwed at first but once we picked up it went amazing...I'll never be able to repay Adam for all he's done for me. My dad phones us every now and then and Adam takes his money at Christmas' and birthdays but I just send it right back to him. I do love him but...He messed me up and....I wont forgive him." Sian stopped and then chuckled to herself. "Bet you weren't expecting that, eh"? She grinned concluding her talking.
I didn't know what to say, all I knew that she was so strong and independent and I thought she was amazing after hearing that. Really amazing. "No..." I managed to croak out with a small smile.
"Right, you!" She giggled pressing her leg into my own slightly. "You better come up with something at least half as long and boring as that!"
"I'm just gonna say it, you've told me the truth so...I just...Right..." I take a deep breath before starting. "I'm gay and I've known since I was about 13 or something. I was just never attracted to boys, I tried to be at first just because I thought I was supposed to be but I always thought of girls the way I was supposed to think of boys; like I thought about kissing girls and I was attracted to girls. I didn't tell anyone because my mum would have went mental and she did when I eventually admitted it. Anyway, there was this girl, Nicole. She was so confident and beautiful and nice...I fancied her for about 2 years in high school. I never thought I would have a chance cause she was popular, everyone loved her and I was just invisible. But...we became friends and then, then one day I kissed her. And it wasn't like kissing lads, it didn't feel wrong or anything. After that we got together and I fell so in love with her, I did. We were together for ages and we came out as a couple. Safe to say Nicole was no longer the most popular girl in school. People hated us but...we wanted to be together. My mum went mad, like I said. She was so angry and me dad was too. They split up, not because of us but cause my dad knocked up the girl in the corner shop while my mum was fighting cancer. It all came out and they divorced and fought all the time. Rosie, my sister, was the only thing I had. Bit like you and Adam, a lot like actually. She was the only one that cared apart from Nicole." I feel the tears drip down my cheeks and wipe them away quickly embarrassed at not being as strong as Sian.
I was telling her all of this, a girl I'd know for such a short time and I was giving her my life story. I didn't feel uncomfortable telling her, it was like she already knew anyway.
"You know, they broke up, Rosie got pregnant and I was left at home with my mum. She hated who I was and refused to let Nicole in the house. When she was the only thing in the world I had left to cling onto she went and cheated on me. With a lad. Turns out I'd corrupted her and whatever else it was she said. She dumped me after it all. Broke my heart a million times over. I really did love her and she just didn't give a shit...She went back to the top of the school and my life was hell. So I chucked it, tried to start at college but it wasn't happening for me. So...I got up and I left. My mum shouted at me told me never to come back if I walked out but I did. I hate my dad, hate everything about him and I just don't care about my mum. It was all fine, really it was, until the thing with my dad getting Molly pregnant...It's his fault. My mum just went all cold and hated me when I told her I was gay so...I left and now here I am. Here I am." I finish in a whispered sniff.
I was embarrassed, so embarrassed that I was crying but Sian pulled me into a tight hug, stroking my hair telling me it was okay to cry about it. So I did. In her arms, with Sian holding me tightly, it felt right, so right. No one had made me feel so safe and cared about, not Nicole, not my mum, no one.
I pulled back after a few minutes, laughing slightly at my stupid crying. I wiped my cheeks dry and Sian moved my damp hair away from my face.
"So that's my stupid story....that's why I turned up outside the bar and that's why I'm...that's why I'm me basically. Messed up, eh?" I try to joke about it but Sian just frowns sadly.
"I know this'll sound dead bad and I'm not glad any of that happened to you but I'm so glad you did turn up at my door." She told me gently resting her hand on top of my own on top of my towel.
"Yeah..I am too." I admit and then sniff before smiling again. "What are we like!?" I giggle and Sian smiles this time too.
"So...about....Jennifer?" I ask after a few minutes of silence.
"She's my best mate and I was gonna use her like she was nothing, I really was. " Sian shook her head her voice ashamed. "She.. you know, she likes me and...I just don't feel the same. But last night she took me back to hers and...."
"You slept together." I whisper my heart sinking.
"No." Sian shook her head. "No, we....I couldn't. I couldn't do that to her...I couldn't do that to myself. I...bloody hell...."
"I don't...." I whisper not knowing what she was talking about.
"I couldn't just have sex with her when all I'd have been thinking about was you." Sian sighs shaking her head pressing her tongue into her cheek.
What? What? Why wasn't I able to speak? She...what did she just say? Did she...was...what....
"What?" I finally manage to croak out. My head was spinning.
"Yeah." Sian whispered. And then she edged forward her hand tightening on top of mines. Was she...
Sian stopped inches away from my face, so close that I could feel her hot breath on my lips. She was gonna kiss me. Sian was gonna kiss me...Sian who's surname I'd only found out last night was gonna kiss me! Fuck, Sophie don't move away....God, her lips look so good.
How did this happen? I forget everything we'd just said to each other as she inches closer.
"Soph..." Sian breathes out her voice uncertain.
I can't stand being this close to her and not doing anything so I close the distance between us and fly away when my lips finally reach Sian's. She gasps a little, not expecting what I did, before she pressed her soft, perfect lips harder against mines. The hand that lay on the bed shoots up to my face, cupping my cheek so softly before diving into my damp hair. I can't breath. I've never known anything so completely perfect in my life. My lips are tingling against hers and my head is still spinning. Her hand grips mines tighter again and she shuffles moving her body closer to mines. My free hand slide up her arm to her shoulder and then to her neck where I try to pull her closer to me.
I'm melting into her; she's making me shiver and flush at the same time. My heart's going so fast I think if she was any closer she'd feel it. Then her tongue slides out over my lips and I swear I could die. She tastes all minty and sweet and I part my lips as her tongue glides into my mouth. A heavy breath comes from both of us as Sian lifts off of the bed a little to get closer to me. My hair is tangled around her fingers and her warm tongue caresses my own. My head has gone all fuzzy and kissing her just feels so right.
I'm dying. I'm dying. God...My heart is ...Oh, I'm dying.
Thank you for reading :)