way crazy big emotional post
So, I've just spent 24 hours with my g/f, Jacs, in Indy just "gettin away from it all". Part of what we were "getting away from" was work, part of it was some emotional shit we've both been dealing with lately re: our folks' passings, and part of it was her g/f. Yes, I said "her g/f". I am "the other woman". It has its advantages but, right now, these days, the disadvantages and the disappointments are beginning to outweight the advantages.
The r/ship has been over for a long time and Jacs has made it perfectly clear to this woman that it's over. They are financially intertwined (loans, home, credit cards) and for Jacs to leave without selling the house would mean financial turmoil for Jacs. I know what you're thinking...fuck financial turmoil! we ALL have that! Trust me, I've said that too! To HER even! The g/f is manic-depressive, bipolar and is borderline schizophrenic. She doesn't have the same reality that the rest of us have. She lives in the "poor me" world and doesn't participate in her own life. Since I've known Jacs (2 years), the g/f has been in and out of the mental health ward 4 times...the longest time being 3 weeks. She refuses to work (she CAN work...her meds stabilize her enough for that) and gives Jacs the "I'll never survive without you" speech.
Yes I know that living my life this way is compromising myself and what I need. Yes I know that this is not a healthy r/ship because of these circumstances. Like I said earlier...there are advantages.
My biggest bitch about this whole thing is that there is no timeline for "the end". I need to know "by when", damnit! I feel like I've lost myself in her availability. Make sense?
Thanks for letting me get this shit off my chest.