My bro's epic break up
A slice-of-living that has made life just awkward as sin. And bear in mind, I'm an Aspie (mildly Autistic) so this social upheaval-ness is super traumatic for me. But I live and learn and can put on an even more non-ememotional face to everything. Long story short, my brother's girlfriend, who moved in 2 years ago, had a social break down and left.2 years ago, almost to the day, my brother's long distance girlfriend came for a visit,. She was shy, pretty, earthy, sexy, artistic, open minded and kind. She , Amy, and my younger brother, Chris, really got along and seemed like a good couple. She enjoyed her country excursion and lifestyle. After 2 weeks she went back to Oregon, but my brother talked of how Amy was considering maybe moving into a nearby college town to pursue studies, have a job to pay off student loans, and see my brother more. What a sweet idea and great thing for my baby brother. Then, in October, my brother gave the women of the house (mom, my twin, and I) the exciting news; Amy was moving into the house at the end of November! He asked dad, and dad said sure. Can you hear the jaws hitting the floor? I wanted those 2 to be together, but moving in? My sister and I share the same room, for gods sake. He expected her to just move in his room like a stray cat and transition to a life of no air condition and constant work? She did not have much, and sure, a huge move was probably a great transition for her. But if I had been more forth-right (and asked, for that matter) I would have told my brother; she wouldn't survive emotionally for 2 years, 4 years tops. Now I feel rotten, I foresaw this coming and I never opened my mouth. I should have. She moved in, the house got tight, but everyone tried to keep it working. She was timid but eager to make her life work her. Additionally, she was over weight and generally rather spent looking physically, yet determined to change that part of her life then and there. She started working at getting in shape pretty diligently. She eventually got some work as a part time care giver for the elderly. Life puttered on.I can get along with Amy quite well, and really enjoy her as a friend.
We are both bi-sexual, feminists, like art and culture, like offbeat things and weird movies, dancing and finding humor behind everyday life, and can get each others humor. She'd be fun on a road trip. The only 'resent' I've ever had was I was not asked if Amy could move in, I was not resentful for my brother wanting a girl to interact with. No, of course not. This is a point I feel is impossible to make clear now, but I reiterate, I never felt angry at Amy and wanted my brothe rto happy. But slowly I was running faster and faster to keep up with life.
I was never asked, and now I was sacrificing part of my life and time for my brother's relationship. In the last 2 years my art time has dropped because I have no time. I cleaning up and cooking after more people with less help. My brother grew up a little more and gained some adult skills, and started working harder and developing talents. But after time he schlubbing into a groove of working like a horse infornt of my dad, getting obvious praise and recognition, then retiring to his room early while playing video games or comforting his girl, who was not helping as much with the everyday chores, and she was starting to display emotional swings. After every fun event or a friend visiting, she'd suddenly get hopelessly depressed, and lay on the bed or sofa most of the day. I'd ask my brother is she was alright; 'Oh, yeah, just emotional.....'
After a year they were still a couple, and she had sporadic work and house work here. Amy lost weight and got a job at an industrial sewing shop. She has to work week days consistently, which I can tell bored and drained her, but she still had loans to pay off. SHe'd still take weekends off abruptly, and with less and less forewarning. Fair enough, I need weekends off my self, which my dad dooesn't see, able to organise. But I am always left mucking and cleaning. She organized a vaction back to Oregon with Chris for 2 weeks. I was so happy they got time alone and away, and knew she needed it. She, despite some rough past issuses, missed her family and wanted them to meet her boy. Her family remarked, after all the low-life boys she had dated, Chris was a real find and a great man.
They got home and life went down hill. She had been annoyingly lazy before, wanting to help out but not doing more than the one or 2 tasks she set herself to.
My brother remarked, right as their relation was being to tear, that my sister and I 'resented' her being there. I did NOT, and went out of my way to help Amy feel comfy, help her have breakfast every day and get out the door early, and help her and Chris have time together. I have not had a day since CHRISTMAS off, I have done 4 or 5 sketches this year, I haven't read a book this year, I hardly watch movies, I have dozens of sites and emails to answer and clean up. I'm exhausted.
Then she'd lay on the sofa or go chat on the computer. Now, she almost seemed blantant about it. SHe wanted more from my brother, to get out of the same house as my parents. Her and my dad tended to, well, be a little strained. Of course she needed her own life with Chris, but she wanted it faster and faster, and my brother got frantic trying to please and make things go faster. Now Amy was in much healthier shape, and even downright gorgeous and loved the attention and getting out. She wasn't shy little timid Amy, she was woman of her world. Amy tweaked my brother. It became clear it was 'Well, I can't live this life and if you love me you change something, we leave, or I leave. My brother got into spats with my dad, and soon he was trying to start spats with my sister and I. He even started sounding very very strange and disturbig. He picked on us, he got dad riled against us, he railed against how much we had going for us and he had nothing, he told my sister she should fold all the laundry because that was her job (what the fuck was that about?!)....... I finally snapped (first time in years) and told him he was acting weird, selfish, and he and Amy should at least start cooking breakfast so i wasn't up until 10:00 cleaning up their messes. And than day, he and Amy got into a monumental fight. To jump back, i had sent my dad a private note saying I was exhausted from being overworked and felt Chris was being slowly manipulated to remove Amy and himself from the everyday cycle. Dad was . aww. thanks for the letter, we'll talk it all over. Never did. Obviously Amy has been plying my brother to stand up for himself and has cut herself from the housework and living. I even begged for them, PLEASE at least make breakfast or something, I can not do all this. Chris was trying some paltry attempts to do what his girl wantedd and aggravate us into make him feel unwanted, but clearly his inner smeagol said that he couldn't just pack up and go live in an apartment with a girl and no future. After a few days apart, they re-met and are spending 2 weeks apart. But it appears Amy is sick of this lifestlye and atmosphere, and though she wants my brother in her life, she wants other things he cannot provide.
I say again, I alwyas did what I could to make her feel welcome and helped her complete so many projects. I've had many fun events with Amy, But like all of us, she has a side that she didn't want to show. I feel mostly peeved now that she is acting like that after I sacrifice SO much of my life for her relationship. That hurts me, I have lost 18 months of practice on things I need to hurry up and make up for. She was a better artist and talent than me, and she never acted on it. She'd pick up all these cool tools and hobbies, and then dump them after a week. She gets bored. She's bratty like a teenager. She likes attention. I can understand her, though. Like me, she has hypo-tension, depression, mood swings, exhaustion, and generally emotional moments. I also have chronic pain and am mentally challenged, I still pull myself forward. I cannot afford to not get out of bed because I don'[t wanna. I never do, but I do. Equally upsetting for me, my poor brother. He made some classically silly mistakes. But he adored her, like a little boy. He was sobbing like a baby holding my hand after she left for time apart, and I was equally devastated to she him like tht. He's devastated, torn, and very humbled. But instead of getting even more resentful while this collapsed, I wrote to my brother and told him I am his big sister and I was always for him. He was shocked and grateful, and said Amy was not going to give him emotional support. She left a week ago, and in another week she will probably move into a house in town. (Now the fear is she is clealry going to keep stringing him along. They can still be friends and even lovers, but it's such deadly territory my brother seems to be ignorant of.) I suppose this made any demons of this relationship come out faster, which I suppose is good. My did is furious at Amy (she's a lazy hussy, she's manipulating my brother, he never got along with her....) and treating me strange. (Yes dad, I told you what was going down.... I won't rub it in your face, but for fucks sake, ASK ME next time. I'm not retarded.) The most depressing thing? I don't notice she is gone when I do the daily work. Yes, the fun conversations and interaction has vanished, but it's all te same cleaning, working, and animal care. Less food and dishes, maybe. I was expecting a larger burden, and you know what? Life might be easier, actually, not because it's less people. Less hair and filthy clothes dropped around the place, the kitchen is cleaner, there are used sanitary pads open in the trash i have to chase flies from. That's rotten, I know. Plus my brother is like his older self, wanting to chat and see my sister and I more. >> I had started gritting my teeth in my sleep last month, and still am, but couldn't figure out why.
Now I get it. Anyhow, I want my brother in a relationship and will do so much for him. But I've learned how much I am letting myself get pushed around. I really feel something deadly and metallic in me off this, and hope I can act on it. Last year was the first year I learned what I was, this year I think I learned what I could be. Next year, fates, let me Learn HOW to be all I can. Amy, I love you as a great and kind person, and know you love my brother, but you don't really care as much for him as for your own self, or do you? You need your own life, I understand. If you can't handle this one, I am sorry you went through that, I tried so hard to keep you happy. I have my own life and you have yours. I tried so hard. And I would assume you do not enjoy what you are putting my brother through, but god, him crying like a baby hurts me, and if you are using that as a ploy, you'll just have to get through me in a knife fight for him. (I may be shorter, but you ARE not in shape enough to whip me, I promise you. ) I hoped that your creative little flower would have taken root here, and you are now going to have to suffer through taking care of yourself. Good luck. You know what, with this and another event involving my sister's BF (no, not him directly, his family as well) I forget that sometimes I am made of tougher stuff than I credit myself. Sure, if all my family died tomorrow, my dog committed suicide, and meteorites started coming out fo the sky, sure, I'd be a wreck. But I'd keep going, living, and moving forward. I'm kind of fuzzy on the outside and can be intimidated and pushed around. But I will not be bullshitted. Additionally, I shouldn't discount my skills and foreseeing emotions playing out like a chess game. I am lousey at actual chess and such games, but I can see soul unravel before me, sometimes. I think Autistics are not blind to emotion, we just get overloaded perceiving them and prefer to shut ourselves out sometimes. Anyhow, let next month be more rewarding. I am aging too fast.
EDIT after 2 or 3 weeks; the 2 things I regret most; The tone of this was vitriolic and I was too much of a lickspittle.
I am not really the worlds most negative person, and the tone of this came out spiteful. I can say it hurts me as much to the point of having one of the bluest days of my adult life.
But I waited my customary few days before posting it to see if I really felt like posting it. I did.
I'm not ashamed I did.
If my opinion was so harsh and painful, sorry, but don't run from the problem not even saying a thing to me and expect me to take it all like I'm the fuck I appeared to be. I wasn't an adult enough to confront people enough about little things that metamorphosed into giant problems, but it's even more juvenile to assume I'm not part of it and have no opinion about it. He's my brother and Ive know him longer than he's known himself. I am only going on what I know to be facts, but if this is totally incorrect, then step up like an adult and correct me.
And it's mostly my fault in life if I let other people take advantage of me.
I really bent backwards to make my brother happy, and will always do that for my family. It meant so much for Amy to be here and their relationship was family.
But I am waiting too much to be told what and when to do it. Fine, screw it all. I am a loner by heart, but to eager to make everyone happy. Maybe they should feel it when I try and make myself happier and stop breaking my fingers for their efforts all the time.
Fine, it's time to stop hoping and get myself in gear. I still feel like I just murdered a litter of cute baby rabbits, I don't get off on being vindictive. But I have to shift myself forward and live. I've dwelled in enough negativity for now, life is too short, and I am not sure what to feel right now.
We are both bi-sexual, feminists, like art and culture, like offbeat things and weird movies, dancing and finding humor behind everyday life, and can get each others humor. She'd be fun on a road trip. The only 'resent' I've ever had was I was not asked if Amy could move in, I was not resentful for my brother wanting a girl to interact with. No, of course not. This is a point I feel is impossible to make clear now, but I reiterate, I never felt angry at Amy and wanted my brothe rto happy. But slowly I was running faster and faster to keep up with life.
I was never asked, and now I was sacrificing part of my life and time for my brother's relationship. In the last 2 years my art time has dropped because I have no time. I cleaning up and cooking after more people with less help. My brother grew up a little more and gained some adult skills, and started working harder and developing talents. But after time he schlubbing into a groove of working like a horse infornt of my dad, getting obvious praise and recognition, then retiring to his room early while playing video games or comforting his girl, who was not helping as much with the everyday chores, and she was starting to display emotional swings. After every fun event or a friend visiting, she'd suddenly get hopelessly depressed, and lay on the bed or sofa most of the day. I'd ask my brother is she was alright; 'Oh, yeah, just emotional.....'
After a year they were still a couple, and she had sporadic work and house work here. Amy lost weight and got a job at an industrial sewing shop. She has to work week days consistently, which I can tell bored and drained her, but she still had loans to pay off. SHe'd still take weekends off abruptly, and with less and less forewarning. Fair enough, I need weekends off my self, which my dad dooesn't see, able to organise. But I am always left mucking and cleaning. She organized a vaction back to Oregon with Chris for 2 weeks. I was so happy they got time alone and away, and knew she needed it. She, despite some rough past issuses, missed her family and wanted them to meet her boy. Her family remarked, after all the low-life boys she had dated, Chris was a real find and a great man.
They got home and life went down hill. She had been annoyingly lazy before, wanting to help out but not doing more than the one or 2 tasks she set herself to.
My brother remarked, right as their relation was being to tear, that my sister and I 'resented' her being there. I did NOT, and went out of my way to help Amy feel comfy, help her have breakfast every day and get out the door early, and help her and Chris have time together. I have not had a day since CHRISTMAS off, I have done 4 or 5 sketches this year, I haven't read a book this year, I hardly watch movies, I have dozens of sites and emails to answer and clean up. I'm exhausted.
Then she'd lay on the sofa or go chat on the computer. Now, she almost seemed blantant about it. SHe wanted more from my brother, to get out of the same house as my parents. Her and my dad tended to, well, be a little strained. Of course she needed her own life with Chris, but she wanted it faster and faster, and my brother got frantic trying to please and make things go faster. Now Amy was in much healthier shape, and even downright gorgeous and loved the attention and getting out. She wasn't shy little timid Amy, she was woman of her world. Amy tweaked my brother. It became clear it was 'Well, I can't live this life and if you love me you change something, we leave, or I leave. My brother got into spats with my dad, and soon he was trying to start spats with my sister and I. He even started sounding very very strange and disturbig. He picked on us, he got dad riled against us, he railed against how much we had going for us and he had nothing, he told my sister she should fold all the laundry because that was her job (what the fuck was that about?!)....... I finally snapped (first time in years) and told him he was acting weird, selfish, and he and Amy should at least start cooking breakfast so i wasn't up until 10:00 cleaning up their messes. And than day, he and Amy got into a monumental fight. To jump back, i had sent my dad a private note saying I was exhausted from being overworked and felt Chris was being slowly manipulated to remove Amy and himself from the everyday cycle. Dad was . aww. thanks for the letter, we'll talk it all over. Never did. Obviously Amy has been plying my brother to stand up for himself and has cut herself from the housework and living. I even begged for them, PLEASE at least make breakfast or something, I can not do all this. Chris was trying some paltry attempts to do what his girl wantedd and aggravate us into make him feel unwanted, but clearly his inner smeagol said that he couldn't just pack up and go live in an apartment with a girl and no future. After a few days apart, they re-met and are spending 2 weeks apart. But it appears Amy is sick of this lifestlye and atmosphere, and though she wants my brother in her life, she wants other things he cannot provide.
I say again, I alwyas did what I could to make her feel welcome and helped her complete so many projects. I've had many fun events with Amy, But like all of us, she has a side that she didn't want to show. I feel mostly peeved now that she is acting like that after I sacrifice SO much of my life for her relationship. That hurts me, I have lost 18 months of practice on things I need to hurry up and make up for. She was a better artist and talent than me, and she never acted on it. She'd pick up all these cool tools and hobbies, and then dump them after a week. She gets bored. She's bratty like a teenager. She likes attention. I can understand her, though. Like me, she has hypo-tension, depression, mood swings, exhaustion, and generally emotional moments. I also have chronic pain and am mentally challenged, I still pull myself forward. I cannot afford to not get out of bed because I don'[t wanna. I never do, but I do. Equally upsetting for me, my poor brother. He made some classically silly mistakes. But he adored her, like a little boy. He was sobbing like a baby holding my hand after she left for time apart, and I was equally devastated to she him like tht. He's devastated, torn, and very humbled. But instead of getting even more resentful while this collapsed, I wrote to my brother and told him I am his big sister and I was always for him. He was shocked and grateful, and said Amy was not going to give him emotional support. She left a week ago, and in another week she will probably move into a house in town. (Now the fear is she is clealry going to keep stringing him along. They can still be friends and even lovers, but it's such deadly territory my brother seems to be ignorant of.) I suppose this made any demons of this relationship come out faster, which I suppose is good. My did is furious at Amy (she's a lazy hussy, she's manipulating my brother, he never got along with her....) and treating me strange. (Yes dad, I told you what was going down.... I won't rub it in your face, but for fucks sake, ASK ME next time. I'm not retarded.) The most depressing thing? I don't notice she is gone when I do the daily work. Yes, the fun conversations and interaction has vanished, but it's all te same cleaning, working, and animal care. Less food and dishes, maybe. I was expecting a larger burden, and you know what? Life might be easier, actually, not because it's less people. Less hair and filthy clothes dropped around the place, the kitchen is cleaner, there are used sanitary pads open in the trash i have to chase flies from. That's rotten, I know. Plus my brother is like his older self, wanting to chat and see my sister and I more. >> I had started gritting my teeth in my sleep last month, and still am, but couldn't figure out why.
Now I get it. Anyhow, I want my brother in a relationship and will do so much for him. But I've learned how much I am letting myself get pushed around. I really feel something deadly and metallic in me off this, and hope I can act on it. Last year was the first year I learned what I was, this year I think I learned what I could be. Next year, fates, let me Learn HOW to be all I can. Amy, I love you as a great and kind person, and know you love my brother, but you don't really care as much for him as for your own self, or do you? You need your own life, I understand. If you can't handle this one, I am sorry you went through that, I tried so hard to keep you happy. I have my own life and you have yours. I tried so hard. And I would assume you do not enjoy what you are putting my brother through, but god, him crying like a baby hurts me, and if you are using that as a ploy, you'll just have to get through me in a knife fight for him. (I may be shorter, but you ARE not in shape enough to whip me, I promise you. ) I hoped that your creative little flower would have taken root here, and you are now going to have to suffer through taking care of yourself. Good luck. You know what, with this and another event involving my sister's BF (no, not him directly, his family as well) I forget that sometimes I am made of tougher stuff than I credit myself. Sure, if all my family died tomorrow, my dog committed suicide, and meteorites started coming out fo the sky, sure, I'd be a wreck. But I'd keep going, living, and moving forward. I'm kind of fuzzy on the outside and can be intimidated and pushed around. But I will not be bullshitted. Additionally, I shouldn't discount my skills and foreseeing emotions playing out like a chess game. I am lousey at actual chess and such games, but I can see soul unravel before me, sometimes. I think Autistics are not blind to emotion, we just get overloaded perceiving them and prefer to shut ourselves out sometimes. Anyhow, let next month be more rewarding. I am aging too fast.
EDIT after 2 or 3 weeks; the 2 things I regret most; The tone of this was vitriolic and I was too much of a lickspittle.
I am not really the worlds most negative person, and the tone of this came out spiteful. I can say it hurts me as much to the point of having one of the bluest days of my adult life.
But I waited my customary few days before posting it to see if I really felt like posting it. I did.
I'm not ashamed I did.
If my opinion was so harsh and painful, sorry, but don't run from the problem not even saying a thing to me and expect me to take it all like I'm the fuck I appeared to be. I wasn't an adult enough to confront people enough about little things that metamorphosed into giant problems, but it's even more juvenile to assume I'm not part of it and have no opinion about it. He's my brother and Ive know him longer than he's known himself. I am only going on what I know to be facts, but if this is totally incorrect, then step up like an adult and correct me.
And it's mostly my fault in life if I let other people take advantage of me.
I really bent backwards to make my brother happy, and will always do that for my family. It meant so much for Amy to be here and their relationship was family.
But I am waiting too much to be told what and when to do it. Fine, screw it all. I am a loner by heart, but to eager to make everyone happy. Maybe they should feel it when I try and make myself happier and stop breaking my fingers for their efforts all the time.
Fine, it's time to stop hoping and get myself in gear. I still feel like I just murdered a litter of cute baby rabbits, I don't get off on being vindictive. But I have to shift myself forward and live. I've dwelled in enough negativity for now, life is too short, and I am not sure what to feel right now.