Super Junior {Hankyung/Heechul ; you're a dick}
this is inspired by all those pictures of Heechul crying at SS2 in Beijing and this: “Fan accounts claim that he started bawling when the fans in front of him opened a Hankyung light board :’(”
you're a dick / Hanchul / 507 words / PG-13
“So here’s the thing,” Heechul says, standing in the middle of Hankyung’s Beijing apartment after the show that Hankyung didn’t turn up to, dripping rainwater onto the laminate flooring, “you’re a dick.”
“I know,” Hankyung says with a casual shrug, and turns to go put some tea on. He’s expecting this to be the start of a long scolding, and he figures that he might as well have something nice to drink while it’s happening.
“No,” Heechul says, and his voice is like mud, thick and it sticks Hankyung to his spot. “No, you are seriously an utter dick.”
When Hankyung turns, Heechul is crying. It’s not the rainwater still clinging to his hair that drips down his cheeks, those are salty tears from somewhere deep inside and Hankyung is shocked and surprised and he is really, just, an utter dick. He’s too much of a dick to do anything other than just stand there, and stare, and wish for Heechul to stop.
“Stop,” he says desperately. “Please, come on, just stop.”
“Why,” Heechul asks, sobbing, hands hanging by his side, “why, so you can stop feeling so fucking guilty?”
“No, because you’re breaking my heart, Heechul.”
“Yeah?” Horrible inflections, tears making his breath catch; it all swirls painfully in Hankyung’s stomach. “Well, I guess that makes us even.”
“Heechul, I never--”
“Yes, you did, Hankyung, you did, because I loved you and you always fucking knew and you just ignored it because you are a fucking dick.”
Trying to pull Heechul into his arms just makes Heechul push him away. Everything about him is wet and pathetic and like a vulnerable child, horrific to see, making him sick to his stomach, and Hankyung is, he knows, the greatest dick on the face of the planet, because he’s the one who has made Kim Heechul cry. It’s breaking laws of humanity and physics and math, it’s every disaster rolled into one, it’s the one thing that he can never be forgiven for.
Little disabled children who play piano like angels reduce Heechul to tears. Hankyung isn’t that worthy of it.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers, knelt on the floor, hands hovering over Heechul’s shoulders, too frightened to touch him. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, you’re--”
“You don’t understand anything!”
“I want to, Heechul, but I--”
The salty kiss wears away another part of Hankyung’s heart. He’s tried to make it into stone to deal with this, but it’s become sandstone rather than granite, rough and prickly and far too easy to crumble. “For once,” Heechul whispers, watery voice and shaking fingers pushing at the hem of Hankyung’s t-shirt, “don’t make this about right and wrong and morality, and please, just let us happen.”
The next day, with Heechul on a flight back to Korea, two texts from Siwon and Donghae telling him that they’re not sure they can forgive him for hurting their hyung, and an internet screen full of pictures from the concert the night before, Hankyung begins to ask himself exactly what he’s done.
you're a dick / Hanchul / 507 words / PG-13
“So here’s the thing,” Heechul says, standing in the middle of Hankyung’s Beijing apartment after the show that Hankyung didn’t turn up to, dripping rainwater onto the laminate flooring, “you’re a dick.”
“I know,” Hankyung says with a casual shrug, and turns to go put some tea on. He’s expecting this to be the start of a long scolding, and he figures that he might as well have something nice to drink while it’s happening.
“No,” Heechul says, and his voice is like mud, thick and it sticks Hankyung to his spot. “No, you are seriously an utter dick.”
When Hankyung turns, Heechul is crying. It’s not the rainwater still clinging to his hair that drips down his cheeks, those are salty tears from somewhere deep inside and Hankyung is shocked and surprised and he is really, just, an utter dick. He’s too much of a dick to do anything other than just stand there, and stare, and wish for Heechul to stop.
“Stop,” he says desperately. “Please, come on, just stop.”
“Why,” Heechul asks, sobbing, hands hanging by his side, “why, so you can stop feeling so fucking guilty?”
“No, because you’re breaking my heart, Heechul.”
“Yeah?” Horrible inflections, tears making his breath catch; it all swirls painfully in Hankyung’s stomach. “Well, I guess that makes us even.”
“Heechul, I never--”
“Yes, you did, Hankyung, you did, because I loved you and you always fucking knew and you just ignored it because you are a fucking dick.”
Trying to pull Heechul into his arms just makes Heechul push him away. Everything about him is wet and pathetic and like a vulnerable child, horrific to see, making him sick to his stomach, and Hankyung is, he knows, the greatest dick on the face of the planet, because he’s the one who has made Kim Heechul cry. It’s breaking laws of humanity and physics and math, it’s every disaster rolled into one, it’s the one thing that he can never be forgiven for.
Little disabled children who play piano like angels reduce Heechul to tears. Hankyung isn’t that worthy of it.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers, knelt on the floor, hands hovering over Heechul’s shoulders, too frightened to touch him. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, you’re--”
“You don’t understand anything!”
“I want to, Heechul, but I--”
The salty kiss wears away another part of Hankyung’s heart. He’s tried to make it into stone to deal with this, but it’s become sandstone rather than granite, rough and prickly and far too easy to crumble. “For once,” Heechul whispers, watery voice and shaking fingers pushing at the hem of Hankyung’s t-shirt, “don’t make this about right and wrong and morality, and please, just let us happen.”
The next day, with Heechul on a flight back to Korea, two texts from Siwon and Donghae telling him that they’re not sure they can forgive him for hurting their hyung, and an internet screen full of pictures from the concert the night before, Hankyung begins to ask himself exactly what he’s done.