[SPN, 2/2] no one takes your freedom
Following from here!
Title: no one takes your freedom (part 2 of 2)
Fandom: That show about dick angels Supernatural
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairing: Jimmy Novak & family, Castiel, the Winchesters, Zachariah, Uriel, Anna, Chuck and other people involved in season 4. Oh, and then there's the whole Castiel → Dean thing and vague Jimmy/Castiel? IDK IDK IDK. Mostly Castiel → Dean though.
Warning: Spoilers for all of season 4, some parts of season 5 and mentions of Castiel's 'Heaven' in season 6. Also terrible KB-level English.
Notes: I... I really don't know what I'm doing. Oh, and title comes from the prompt for January 27th 2011 from 31_days.
no one takes your freedom.
part two, 5504 / 11333 words
He cannot do this, Castiel tried to reason when the orders from the Host came.
Uriel only gave the angel a small, sad smile which both of them later realize would be fake. He has to, Castiel. It’s God’s Will.
And who was Castiel to question His will, let alone Jimmy himself? He could feel Castiel’s own rage and frustration at the situation, at the death of his seven brothers and sisters in his garrison, at asking Dean to do what was impossible, at everything. Nothing was-nothing was making sense anymore, not even to Castiel, and Jimmy himself had no hope of understanding what was going on too. He was even more lost than Castiel could ever be, and more tired. How long had it already been since that day when he said yes? It had felt like a lifetime already, what with all these things happening so quickly.
He was tired, tired of only watching but doing nothing, of watching Castiel confused and hurt as the angel watched Dean, talked to Dean, pushing his emotions down and casting them aside as the angel himself prayed for forgiveness too when the human walked through the door and into where Alistair hung from his bonds.
Jimmy had no love for demons-they were demons, after all-but even he couldn’t help but flinch at the screams that started to come out from the room minutes after, every scream and cry making him huddle up tighter in the corner of his mind. He had only known of Hell through what he had read and through the flashes of Castiel’s memories from time to time; they had never been anything substantial, nothing he could properly make out but now hearing those cries, cries from a demon… Jimmy didn’t know what he could think of all of this, especially considering what he knew of Dean now.
He had been Alistair’s prized student, back down in the pit. Castiel had told him that, told him how he had gripped the man tight and pulled his up out from perdition, how he had remade the body that Dean now resided it. He told Jimmy how he mapped out every neuron and remade every bone in Dean’s body; how he had attached muscles, ligaments and tendons together and breathed life back into his lungs-how he had held Dean Winchester’s heart in his hands and with his Grace made it beat once more. He told Jimmy how he brought back to life one of His Father’s greatest creations and placed the most beautiful soul he had ever seen back into that perfect body from his arms while sheltered by his wings.
He had told Jimmy how beautiful Dean Winchester really was, and how he never wanted to see that beauty tarnished.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, Castiel, Jimmy said in an attempt to comfort his companion, but the angel only shook his head.
It hurts him, and his soul is stained, Castiel replied, and the hopelessness was audible in those words. His soul is stained, and it’s all because of me.
You couldn’t stop it, Jimmy returned, gentler now. Castiel hadn’t wanted it-but the Host said that they needed this, and Uriel was the one in charge now. As much as the angel wanted, he couldn’t question orders; Jimmy understood that much.
I- the angel started, but then stopped when Anna (Anael) appeared.
Jimmy remained quiet as the two angels talked, making no comment to the memories that flashed past Castiel-moments back in Heaven and in the garrison when things had been simpler, when life had been easier. When Anna was still truly Anael and Castiel could do nothing else but love her and respect her for the angel that she was.
He had loved her, once upon a time.
Loved her, just as now as Castiel now loved Dean Winchester and mourned for him and the losses he bore across his heart and soul.
Castiel… Jimmy softly started, a quiet caution just before Castiel pulled himself away and pushed Anna’s hand away from him.
“I am nothing like you,” he snarled-the first time he heard Castiel do that-as he walked away from the other and scowled. “You Fell.”
You Fell because of a human and for humans and I’m afraid to do that.
Jimmy heard that, but made no comment and kept his silence as Castiel growled for Anna to leave and she did, restored wings beating the air as she vanished from sight. Jimmy could feel the angel sagging as soon as Anna was gone, sensing his own shame and disappointment at himself-at the hypocrisy of his words and how empty they were even to himself, much less Jimmy.
He wanted to say something to Castiel, he really did, but Castiel was an angel and he was just a human now stuck in the corner of his own head, and there wasn’t much time after that anyway because Alistair had somehow broke free of his trap andthings basically all went downhill. Dean almost died, Castiel was almost banished back into Heaven (and Jimmy panicked when that happened, because he could feel all the connections suddenly ending and coldness creeping up on him as death crept closer, because he was injured to the point of death and nothing had been healed back yet) and if it wasn’t for the intervention of Sam things would have ended badly.
Castiel was still weak even after that, so weak that he couldn’t even bring himself to heal Dean and had to leave him lying in a hospital bed, regret twisting in his stomach as Sam confronted him and Castiel could only express his regret and confusion when Sam told him that the demons were not behind the killings.
If it wasn’t the demons, then who could it be?
As it turned out, the perpetrator turned out to be Uriel.
Jimmy really didn’t know what was going on anymore, and neither did Castiel. Everything was becoming even more and more confusing, and Castiel was so frustrated that some of that frustration went into his voice as he told Dean that he didn’t know and that they didn’t tell him much.
Castiel wasn’t even sure what to believe in anymore, and neither did Jimmy himself. He had always believed that the angels would be upright and unfaltering; never giving in to corruption-but this… this was everything he did not imagine at all. This was hypocrisy at its finest, and Jimmy was sick and tired of it. Even then though, there was no way he could leave, not when Castiel was still in his body and he served as the vessel as one of the soldiers of Heaven.
He was tired as hell, but there was nothing he could do except to watch and hope the best for Castiel.
Jimmy may hate Heaven now, but he couldn’t bring himself to hate Castiel.
Zachariah has stepped in now that Uriel’s dead and Heaven is still recovering from the damage that’s been done. Jimmy isn’t sure what to make of him-sure he’s pleasant, he’s sort of nice and amiable, but it’s easy enough to see the façade and look under the mask. Jimmy’s seen enough of those sorts of people in his life to know such people, and after everything he supposes he shouldn’t be surprised that Heaven has its fair share of such douchebags.
(Yes, he knows not supposed to swear, but by now Jimmy figures one won’t really hurt him. He’s got an angel in his body, and worse things have happened.)
Castiel doesn’t really like him either from what he senses, but at the same time Zachariah’s one of the top dogs, and so can’t say anything when he zaps the Winchesters to another place entirely and wipes their memory.
Neither of them likes it, but all they can do is watch.
You’re going to be in trouble for this, is all that Jimmy can find himself saying once Dean has rushed off to where Chuck Shurley is in order to make use of Raphael and drive away Lilith from Sam Winchester.
Castiel glances back up into the sky, his voice ever the steadfast wall of neutrality. I only told him facts. What he does with it is up to him.
Jimmy of course, knows better than that-for he had felt it, that twinge of emotion that stirred with Castiel the moment Dean had all but threatened to end his relationship with the angel. It had been desperation, a need to not lose this connection. It had flared unlike anything, the intensity having caught Jimmy off-guard.
He knew that Castiel knew that he knew, which was why both of them weren’t saying anything. There was nothing to say about it.
It was too late, and they both knew that.
They’re after him.
They’re after him, and they’re out for blood and justice.
There’s nothing more terrifying than the wrath of Heaven itself, and Jimmy knows that now.
The Host isn’t happy at all that Castiel told Dean about the archangel, and now they’re going to pay the price for it.
Castiel flees, trying to hide and evade the ones chasing after him, trying to get to Dean-for if he is going to die, he might as well tell Dean everything that he knows and give him the information that Dean needs in order to stop the Apocalypse. An Apocalypse that Heaven wants, a world that Heaven wants to be gone.
Jimmy doesn’t like that and neither does Castiel, and they’ll be damned before they can’t do something about it.
They tried-they really tried and Castiel reaches out for Dean-but their pursuers are quick and strong and its ten against one, and Jimmy tries and fails to reach out for the angel as their connection servers when the other angels tore him right out.
Tell Dean- Castiel tries to say, but the high-pitched cries cover up the rest of his words and the light washes out everything else.
When Jimmy wakes up after that, it’s to the confused looks of the two Winchesters and an icy coldness inside his soul. That gets him more than anything else, as he quickly pushes himself up and calls out for the angel (the first time he gets to speak again for so long and all he can say is that; the irony of it is not lost on him). But there’s no response, no answer-it’s only himself, back alone in his own body.
“Where the hell is Castiel?” Dean demands.
“…he’s gone,” he replies, his own voice distant even to his own ears.
Castiel’s gone.
Castiel’s gone, and he’s never going to come back.
Maybe he should be glad, but somehow it feels like he’s just lost a good friend.
The Winchesters take him back to the motel they’ve been staying and they get him food-and for the first time in almost a year Jimmy actually eats. Castiel has never found a need to, since he was an angel and his Grace was what sustained him, but the angel’s gone now and Jimmy finds himself starving. Up until now, food has never tasted this delicious to him, even if said food was just a crummy burger from the next-door diner.
“Mind slowing down?” Dean starts with a semi-disgusted look, “You’re going to give me angina.”
Jimmy only finds himself shrugging. “I’m hungry.” He really can’t bring himself to care again, not really. Castiel’s gone and most likely dead and he’s tired of all the things that have been going on everywhere. He just wants it to be over, like a bad dream. He just wants to return to his family again, a family he so foolishly left behind in a moment of impulse and said yes to the angel of Thursday.
Sam questions him, seeking answers as to what had happened, and Jimmy can only honestly reply that he doesn’t know-everything was still fuzzy for him, bright lights and surges of emotions that weren’t his.
“You remember anything about being possessed?” the younger Winchester asks, “Anything at all?”
The answer comes out from his mouth before he really thinks about it; almost like an answer he’s been waiting to say once he had the chance. “Bits and pieces,” he replies, waving his hand that wasn’t occupied by the burger. “You know, angel inside of you-it’s like being chained to a comet.” And that is something pretty close to the truth-he doesn’t remember much now, only flashes of memories and various disjointed recollections which make no sense to his mind (and some do, but they all involve Dean and Hell and nightmares and Jimmy isn’t sure how he’s supposed to say that to the elder Winchester); perhaps a side-effect or something from being possessed for so long, but Jimmy isn’t going to go around and ask. Castiel’s gone already; he has no more obligations to all of this crap that’s happening. All he wants to do is to go home; which apparently, he can’t even go to now and that just frustrates the crap out of him.
It’s 4.34AM now, and Jimmy hasn’t found himself able to sleep so much as a wink-mostly he’s just drifting in and out, memories slowly coming together here and there. Nothing that would help the Winchesters; but things that he did miss, just a little. Castiel had been an angel, not a good one at first-annoying and irritating and frustrating, really-but they had talked a lot, and Castiel had told him things that the angel never told anybody else, would never bring himself to tell Dean. Castiel had been a friend when he needed one, and now that friend was gone, taken away by Heaven and its fucked up standards and Jimmy’s just so sick of all of it.
So when Sam Winchester leaves the room and Jimmy hears the door click behind after that, he takes his chances and flees back to Illinois. His return home isn’t exactly the stuff of legends, but it doesn’t matter now.
He’s home again, and that’s the most important thing. He doesn’t need his beliefs and devotion because he knows that Heaven isn’t the place he imagined it to be at all. This is where he needs to be, and he’s just happy that he’s finally back here, with his family.
This is all he needs.
Wrong, wrong-this is all wrong. Amelia’s been possessed by a demon and Claire’s a hostage-this is all wrong, and a part of Jimmy knows that he only has himself to blame for it but he can’t help but snarl into the heavens at the angel who was supposed to be his friend, the angel who promised to keep his family safe but here they are now all in danger.
“Castiel, you son of a bitch!” And yes, he gives no fucks about being a nice guy now because he is done with being a nice guy when it got him nothing but this entire fucked up mess he’s in. “You promised me that my family would be okay! You promised that you were gonna take care of them!”
He’s tired and he’s angry and he’s just so sick of all of this, this situation he never asked for and never expected but got dragged into it anyway because of one fucking ‘yes’. Just one word and he’s lost a year of his life being dragged around like a puppet on strings, all for some greater purpose and bigger pictures and Jimmy is just so, so sick of it all. He’s out and he’s done and he doesn’t ever want to be back in on this shithole.
“I gave you everything you asked me to give!” he continues, not caring if this gets him a strike of lightning or some other bullshit. Heaven is fucked up as it is anyway and Jimmy’s seen enough of it to be done with it. “I gave you more! This is the thanks I get? This is what you do? Your Heaven? Help me, please! You promised, Cas Just help me!”
He had promised and he was supposed to keep his fucking promises, and now he was gone and demons had his family and Castiel had promised so Heaven had fucking better go through with it.
But no, all he gets is silence and nothing else and Jimmy knows that’s all he’s going to get. They probably don’t even care anyway.
“Typical,” he mutters in a dark undertone, and promptly steels himself after that as he enters the warehouse.
Even though he hears Claire’s voice Jimmy knows what he’s hearing is actually Castiel, and it’s that thought that has him gritting his teeth and struggling to stay alive even as the angel tells him to rest and return to his real home.
But Heaven is not his real home, and it will never be-his real home is here, with his family; his family who he had so foolishly put into danger because he hadn’t listened to the Winchesters despite their warnings. The scars were already there, and they would never be healed-and after all of this, the last thing he wants is for his daughter to suffer the same thing that he had.
That’s the reason why he ignores all of Castiel’s soothing words, the reason why he looks through his daughter and into the angel who inhabits her body and pleads. “Please, Castiel. Just take me. Take me, please.”
Castiel warns him, tells him of the future that awaits him if he consents again, but all Jimmy can think is Claire and he reaches out to grab the angel by his daughter’s arm and hisses out through blood and gritted teeth. “You take me. Just take me.”
Their eyes lock gazes in that moment and Jimmy tries to show Castiel how much he pleads and how much he needs this, this one thing he’s asked for after everything he’s given to the angel. He sees a spark of understanding in his daughter’s eyes, and Claire bows her head in a way that could only be Castiel as her voice speaks out the angel’s consent. “As you wish.”
Claire reaches out for him and cups his cheek in a quiet, tender gesture, and that’s the last thing Jimmy remembers before Grace surges through him once more, fire and ice threading through his veins. Everything comes back rushing into him, along with more things-things that only flash past and then vanish, memories that Castiel keeps hidden as Jimmy feels the marble-cold silence of the angel in his mind once more.
He’s still recovering as Castiel starts to leave, but even he can’t ignore the cold edge of the angel’s voice as he tells Dean how he only serves Heaven and not men and certainly not him.
Castiel is… different.
It doesn’t take long for Jimmy to realize that. They don’t talk anymore like they used to, don’t communicate. Castiel’s just using him for the most basic of purposes-as the meatsuit he’s supposed to be.
The change unsettles Jimmy a hell lot, and it only takes a while for him to know that something happened to him while the angel was back in Heaven. Something big, something powerful-otherwise Castiel wouldn’t be like this, wouldn’t be forcing himself to do every command the Host gives to him because Jimmy can feel it. He can feel the emotions Castiel’s trying to suppress, the surges of regret and pain and uncertainty that comes when he talks Dean into pledging himself to the angels, when he releases Sam from the panic room and when he has Anna captured and taken to Heaven even though Jimmy senses how much it breaks the angel to do it.
Cas, talk to me, he finally tries to prompt, trying to speak to the angel as Castiel leans over the rails and silently watches the city across the waters. Just what happened to you back in Heaven? You know it’s wrong, but yet-
Silence, the angel all but snarls back, and Jimmy feels his fingers and curling harder around the bars, knuckles turning white from the force as Castiel tries to restrain himself. It is not your place to speak.
Jimmy keeps quiet after that, uncomfortably silent as he stays in his corner of his mind, watching Castiel as the angel struggles with his repressed emotions and feelings and uncertainty. Watches as his friend becomes the cold-hearted solider he’s supposed to be, and not the angel who loved everything on Earth and had once asked Jimmy so many questions about humanity and their customs in a bid to learned more.
And just a little more, Jimmy finds himself hating Heaven even more for what they did to his friend.
The plan has been revealed, and the Apocalypse is coming.
Jimmy doesn’t like it and he knows that Castiel doesn’t either, but the angel isn’t saying anything as Zachariah patronises Dean and Dean seems want to do nothing else but punch somebody in their face.
Which Dean does later, to Castiel himself.
Jimmy can’t help but wince in sympathy at the result of that attempt.
But if anything Dean is resilient to pain, and he keeps it compressed as he turns back to growl at Castiel. “It’s Armageddon, Cas; you need a better word then ‘sorry’.”
“Try to understand,” Castiel attempts to explain, even as his emotions surge from their suppression and Jimmy’s now doing the mental equivalent of biting his lip. “This is long foretold; this is your-”
“Destiny?” Dean all but snaps back, and the flinch that Castiel does in response is something that only Jimmy can catch. The angel’s lost again, caught between duty and the need he has to help Dean. Castiel knows this is wrong-everything about this is wrong, but Castiel forces himself to go on anyway because he’s a soldier of God and Heaven he has to obey orders no matter what. He already suffered the consequences of disobedience once, and he can’t do so again. Castiel doesn’t want to Fall like Anael did, and Jimmy can sense that.
But Dean is being insistent, and every word he says stings Castiel right where it hurts most.
“It’s all a bunch of lies, you stupid, poor son of a bitch!” he snarls while jabbing a finger at the angel. “It’s just a way for your bosses to keep me and to keep you in line!”
He’s right, you know, Jimmy can’t help but quip, even as he feels the emotions from Castiel bubbling even more now. The angel moves, wanting to speak, but Dean cuts him off before Castiel can say anything and continues to snarl in his face.
“You know what’s real?” he starts, glaring now, and Jimmy can see the determination set in his eyes-the fire that burned within the Righteous Man, the strength and beauty of that soul that Castiel saw down in Hell and now Jimmy could see too. “People, families-that’s real. And you’re gonna watch them all burn?”
“What is so worth saving?” Castiel can’t help it now, and his own voice rises higher as he steps forward and asks, demanding answers to questions that he had been harbouring for so long, from when he first saw Dean Winchester and the things he did and the sacrifices he had made. “I see nothing but pain here; I see inside you-I see your guilt, your anger, confusion. In paradise, all is forgiven. You’ll be at peace. Even with Sam.”
And it was there, right there and then, did Jimmy realize just what it was Castiel wanted-he wanted Dean to be happy, to be at peace and be safe. This was the angel who had seen Dean with all his flaws and wounds and his terrible beauty down in Hell; this was the angel who still loved him even after that, and this was the angel who pulled him out from perdition and desired nothing more for Dean to be truly out of it. Castiel wanted Dean to suffer no more, even if the rest of the world had to burn for it. For even the world was not as important to Castiel as Dean himself, and before everything else came this human who the angel loved so much it hurt.
The realization sinks slowly into Jimmy, as he tries to reach out for the angel and wants to say something, but Dean’s talking again and telling Castiel to shove his peace up his lily-white ass for he would take the guilt and the pain and Sam and he would rather be here then some goddamned stepford bitch in paradise.
That response only confuses Castiel even more, who tries to understand just why Dean is so hard-headed and so against all of this, attempting to straighten his mind as he wants to leave but can’t help but hear the human snapping behind him. “This is simple, Cas! No more crap about being a good soldier-there is a right and there is a wrong here, and you know it.”
And he knows it, and Jimmy knows that Castiel knows it, but that doesn’t stop the angel from attempting to leave, wanting to flee and hide himself but can’t because Dean’s spun him around (“Look at me!”) and the angel can only stare at the human’s steadfast green eyes, the certainty of the gaze that glares back at him while Dean hisses a plea to the angel.
And that’s it-that’s all that Dean needs to say, because Jimmy can feel Castiel’s resolve breaking when he takes an unnecessary breath and asks the question. “What would you have me do?”
But Dean asks too much and Castiel’s still afraid to go against Heaven-he doesn’t want to Fall, he can’t-and the human gives up on him, and the words he say sting the angel more than anything else that he’s said in the last few minutes.
“What do you care about dying? We’re already done.”
“Dean-” the angel starts, wanting to explain, to say please wait-
“We’re done.”
That tone brooks no more argument, and Castiel can only resign himself to that as he takes them away from the room.
You gotta do this, Cas, Jimmy tries to urge the angel.
Castiel shakes his head, and Jimmy feels the uncertainty surging from him. I can’t-I can’t disobey.
Then you’d rather let Dean suffer? He knows he’s being low at striking the angel’s weak point, but there’s no more time, no more chances. They had to do it now before it’s too late and the world’s paying the price for their actions. Jimmy doesn’t want to see Amelia and Claire dying from this stupid fight, and he knows that Castiel doesn’t want it either-doesn’t want Dean to suffer any more.
He will be at peace when it is over, Castiel counters, but even the angel knows that he’s fooling nobody.
We both know how fucked up Heaven is already, Jimmy hisses now, voice edging on desperation. It’s not going to end nicely for anybody, Cas. Nobody’s going to be happy about this.
But-
If there’s anything worth dying for, Cas, Jimmy cuts in, quoting what the hunter had told Castiel himself earlier. This is it.
Castiel falls silent after that, clenching his jaw, trying to reason with himself-but Jimmy’s in his head, and he can see the angel thinking and sense where his decision lie towards. He nudges it a little more, and a minute after that finds Castiel in the room with Dean and Zachariah banished away from the Enochian sigil.
“He won’t be gone long,” the angel breathed out as he lowered his hand from the sigil and quickly washed away all the blood, healing up the wound. “We have to find Sam now.”
Dean watches the angel warily, but the question comes anyway. “Where is he?”
“I don’t know,” Castiel admits as he passes a knife to the hunter. “But I know who does.” He looks up at Dean after that, blood racing as he tries to keep himself together. “We have to stop him, Dean. From killing Lilith.”
“But Lilith’s gonna break the final seal-”
“-Lilith is the final seal,” Castiel reveals, and Dean’s eyes widen in shock at the revelation. “She dies, the end begins.”
They get to Chuck Shurley’s moments later, and as frightened and as jumpy as the prophet he helps Dean anyway and tells him where Sam is going to be.
“Y-You guys aren’t supposed to be here,” he breathes out, still not quite sure what is going on.
To Jimmy’s surprise, Castiel replies with something he hadn’t expected the angel to say. “Yeah, well… we’re making it up as we go along.”
The archangel-Raphael-comes soon after that, and Castiel only has enough time to send Dean to the covenant and tell Chuck to hide himself, and they watch the prophet fleeing out of the room before turning back to see Raphael descending onto them in the flurry of a thousand thundering beats like the sound of an eternal thunderstorm.
Raphael’s angry and Castiel knows that he’s going to die, and he bows his head down to accept his fate. I apologize for this, Jimmy.
Despite everything, Jimmy can’t help but grin a little. Yeah, well-it was fun while it lasted.
Grace burns through his body inside out and nothing but piercing light fills his vision, there is pain unlike anything he’s ever felt and then Jimmy knows no more but cold and darkness.
He doesn’t know how long time has passed after that, but when he’s conscious again its quiet and its nice and he can feel the sun shining down on him from above, and Jimmy feels a hand threading in his hair while warmth presses against his cheek. He’s lying on somebody’s lap, and its’ just… nice. Comforting. Peaceful. Everything he’s ever wanted.
“Jimmy,” he hears the voice calling, and he opens his eyes at the call.
It should be weird, staring at a double of yourself who really isn’t your double, but somehow Jimmy can’t find himself too concerned about that.
“Castiel,” he eventually rasps out, voice hoarse from disuse.
The corner of the angel’s lips twitch upwards at his name, fingers pressing warmly into his scalp as he speaks softer. “I have to return.”
It doesn’t take long to figure out what Castiel means. Jimmy blinks once, smiling back before he asks. “Dean?”
“Yes.” A small nod, almost unnoticeable. “I have to help him.”
Jimmy nods, understanding as he pushes himself up to sit on the grass he’s been laying on, facing Castiel. The sun is warm and drowsy, and there’s a quiet breeze only signalled by the kite flapping in the air. Somehow without knowing he knows that this is Heaven-or at least Castiel’s version of it. It’s everything the angel ever wanted, and the tranquillity is nothing but perfect.
Castiel lowers his head once Jimmy is sitting up, bowing as if he seeks permission. “I will be returning to Earth, but I need your body again for it. I hope you will allow me to use you as your vessel once more.”
The man blinks. “I’ll be there again, won’t I?”
To his surprise the angel shakes his head. “You have suffered enough, Jimmy. I’ve been given a new vessel-a duplicate of you, so you can rest properly. You have… done much for me.”
Jimmy wants to argue a bit, saying how helpless Castiel would be without him, how he’d be alone now since he disobeyed and rebelled Heaven, but then he remembers just who the angel had done it for and pauses. No, he’d only be in the way if he returned to. Castiel has his faith and his conviction, and Jimmy wasn’t going to stop the angel from doing what he had to do.
“Well…” he starts, rubbing the back of his head. “It’s not exactly me, is it? So, you know… there’s really no need to ask. Go do what you need to do, Cas.”
Castiel blinks at that, confused momentarily, but soon does that small little smile of his and nods. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” Jimmy pauses, shifts a little as he watches the angel getting up from the grass and blurts out before he stops himself. “And, Cas?”
The angel pauses in his steps, turning back around with that familiar tilt of his head. “Yes?”
Jimmy looks up to the other and grins a bit. “Don’t give up on Dean.”
Castiel only smiles. “You must rest now, Jimmy.”
The man nods and closes his eyes, and the last thing he hears is the quiet beat of Castiel’s wings before the world dissolves around him and Jimmy Novak was no more.
Title: no one takes your freedom (part 2 of 2)
Fandom: That show about dick angels Supernatural
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairing: Jimmy Novak & family, Castiel, the Winchesters, Zachariah, Uriel, Anna, Chuck and other people involved in season 4. Oh, and then there's the whole Castiel → Dean thing and vague Jimmy/Castiel? IDK IDK IDK. Mostly Castiel → Dean though.
Warning: Spoilers for all of season 4, some parts of season 5 and mentions of Castiel's 'Heaven' in season 6. Also terrible KB-level English.
Notes: I... I really don't know what I'm doing. Oh, and title comes from the prompt for January 27th 2011 from 31_days.
no one takes your freedom.
part two, 5504 / 11333 words
He cannot do this, Castiel tried to reason when the orders from the Host came.
Uriel only gave the angel a small, sad smile which both of them later realize would be fake. He has to, Castiel. It’s God’s Will.
And who was Castiel to question His will, let alone Jimmy himself? He could feel Castiel’s own rage and frustration at the situation, at the death of his seven brothers and sisters in his garrison, at asking Dean to do what was impossible, at everything. Nothing was-nothing was making sense anymore, not even to Castiel, and Jimmy himself had no hope of understanding what was going on too. He was even more lost than Castiel could ever be, and more tired. How long had it already been since that day when he said yes? It had felt like a lifetime already, what with all these things happening so quickly.
He was tired, tired of only watching but doing nothing, of watching Castiel confused and hurt as the angel watched Dean, talked to Dean, pushing his emotions down and casting them aside as the angel himself prayed for forgiveness too when the human walked through the door and into where Alistair hung from his bonds.
Jimmy had no love for demons-they were demons, after all-but even he couldn’t help but flinch at the screams that started to come out from the room minutes after, every scream and cry making him huddle up tighter in the corner of his mind. He had only known of Hell through what he had read and through the flashes of Castiel’s memories from time to time; they had never been anything substantial, nothing he could properly make out but now hearing those cries, cries from a demon… Jimmy didn’t know what he could think of all of this, especially considering what he knew of Dean now.
He had been Alistair’s prized student, back down in the pit. Castiel had told him that, told him how he had gripped the man tight and pulled his up out from perdition, how he had remade the body that Dean now resided it. He told Jimmy how he mapped out every neuron and remade every bone in Dean’s body; how he had attached muscles, ligaments and tendons together and breathed life back into his lungs-how he had held Dean Winchester’s heart in his hands and with his Grace made it beat once more. He told Jimmy how he brought back to life one of His Father’s greatest creations and placed the most beautiful soul he had ever seen back into that perfect body from his arms while sheltered by his wings.
He had told Jimmy how beautiful Dean Winchester really was, and how he never wanted to see that beauty tarnished.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, Castiel, Jimmy said in an attempt to comfort his companion, but the angel only shook his head.
It hurts him, and his soul is stained, Castiel replied, and the hopelessness was audible in those words. His soul is stained, and it’s all because of me.
You couldn’t stop it, Jimmy returned, gentler now. Castiel hadn’t wanted it-but the Host said that they needed this, and Uriel was the one in charge now. As much as the angel wanted, he couldn’t question orders; Jimmy understood that much.
I- the angel started, but then stopped when Anna (Anael) appeared.
Jimmy remained quiet as the two angels talked, making no comment to the memories that flashed past Castiel-moments back in Heaven and in the garrison when things had been simpler, when life had been easier. When Anna was still truly Anael and Castiel could do nothing else but love her and respect her for the angel that she was.
He had loved her, once upon a time.
Loved her, just as now as Castiel now loved Dean Winchester and mourned for him and the losses he bore across his heart and soul.
Castiel… Jimmy softly started, a quiet caution just before Castiel pulled himself away and pushed Anna’s hand away from him.
“I am nothing like you,” he snarled-the first time he heard Castiel do that-as he walked away from the other and scowled. “You Fell.”
You Fell because of a human and for humans and I’m afraid to do that.
Jimmy heard that, but made no comment and kept his silence as Castiel growled for Anna to leave and she did, restored wings beating the air as she vanished from sight. Jimmy could feel the angel sagging as soon as Anna was gone, sensing his own shame and disappointment at himself-at the hypocrisy of his words and how empty they were even to himself, much less Jimmy.
He wanted to say something to Castiel, he really did, but Castiel was an angel and he was just a human now stuck in the corner of his own head, and there wasn’t much time after that anyway because Alistair had somehow broke free of his trap andthings basically all went downhill. Dean almost died, Castiel was almost banished back into Heaven (and Jimmy panicked when that happened, because he could feel all the connections suddenly ending and coldness creeping up on him as death crept closer, because he was injured to the point of death and nothing had been healed back yet) and if it wasn’t for the intervention of Sam things would have ended badly.
Castiel was still weak even after that, so weak that he couldn’t even bring himself to heal Dean and had to leave him lying in a hospital bed, regret twisting in his stomach as Sam confronted him and Castiel could only express his regret and confusion when Sam told him that the demons were not behind the killings.
If it wasn’t the demons, then who could it be?
As it turned out, the perpetrator turned out to be Uriel.
Jimmy really didn’t know what was going on anymore, and neither did Castiel. Everything was becoming even more and more confusing, and Castiel was so frustrated that some of that frustration went into his voice as he told Dean that he didn’t know and that they didn’t tell him much.
Castiel wasn’t even sure what to believe in anymore, and neither did Jimmy himself. He had always believed that the angels would be upright and unfaltering; never giving in to corruption-but this… this was everything he did not imagine at all. This was hypocrisy at its finest, and Jimmy was sick and tired of it. Even then though, there was no way he could leave, not when Castiel was still in his body and he served as the vessel as one of the soldiers of Heaven.
He was tired as hell, but there was nothing he could do except to watch and hope the best for Castiel.
Jimmy may hate Heaven now, but he couldn’t bring himself to hate Castiel.
Zachariah has stepped in now that Uriel’s dead and Heaven is still recovering from the damage that’s been done. Jimmy isn’t sure what to make of him-sure he’s pleasant, he’s sort of nice and amiable, but it’s easy enough to see the façade and look under the mask. Jimmy’s seen enough of those sorts of people in his life to know such people, and after everything he supposes he shouldn’t be surprised that Heaven has its fair share of such douchebags.
(Yes, he knows not supposed to swear, but by now Jimmy figures one won’t really hurt him. He’s got an angel in his body, and worse things have happened.)
Castiel doesn’t really like him either from what he senses, but at the same time Zachariah’s one of the top dogs, and so can’t say anything when he zaps the Winchesters to another place entirely and wipes their memory.
Neither of them likes it, but all they can do is watch.
You’re going to be in trouble for this, is all that Jimmy can find himself saying once Dean has rushed off to where Chuck Shurley is in order to make use of Raphael and drive away Lilith from Sam Winchester.
Castiel glances back up into the sky, his voice ever the steadfast wall of neutrality. I only told him facts. What he does with it is up to him.
Jimmy of course, knows better than that-for he had felt it, that twinge of emotion that stirred with Castiel the moment Dean had all but threatened to end his relationship with the angel. It had been desperation, a need to not lose this connection. It had flared unlike anything, the intensity having caught Jimmy off-guard.
He knew that Castiel knew that he knew, which was why both of them weren’t saying anything. There was nothing to say about it.
It was too late, and they both knew that.
They’re after him.
They’re after him, and they’re out for blood and justice.
There’s nothing more terrifying than the wrath of Heaven itself, and Jimmy knows that now.
The Host isn’t happy at all that Castiel told Dean about the archangel, and now they’re going to pay the price for it.
Castiel flees, trying to hide and evade the ones chasing after him, trying to get to Dean-for if he is going to die, he might as well tell Dean everything that he knows and give him the information that Dean needs in order to stop the Apocalypse. An Apocalypse that Heaven wants, a world that Heaven wants to be gone.
Jimmy doesn’t like that and neither does Castiel, and they’ll be damned before they can’t do something about it.
They tried-they really tried and Castiel reaches out for Dean-but their pursuers are quick and strong and its ten against one, and Jimmy tries and fails to reach out for the angel as their connection servers when the other angels tore him right out.
Tell Dean- Castiel tries to say, but the high-pitched cries cover up the rest of his words and the light washes out everything else.
When Jimmy wakes up after that, it’s to the confused looks of the two Winchesters and an icy coldness inside his soul. That gets him more than anything else, as he quickly pushes himself up and calls out for the angel (the first time he gets to speak again for so long and all he can say is that; the irony of it is not lost on him). But there’s no response, no answer-it’s only himself, back alone in his own body.
“Where the hell is Castiel?” Dean demands.
“…he’s gone,” he replies, his own voice distant even to his own ears.
Castiel’s gone.
Castiel’s gone, and he’s never going to come back.
Maybe he should be glad, but somehow it feels like he’s just lost a good friend.
The Winchesters take him back to the motel they’ve been staying and they get him food-and for the first time in almost a year Jimmy actually eats. Castiel has never found a need to, since he was an angel and his Grace was what sustained him, but the angel’s gone now and Jimmy finds himself starving. Up until now, food has never tasted this delicious to him, even if said food was just a crummy burger from the next-door diner.
“Mind slowing down?” Dean starts with a semi-disgusted look, “You’re going to give me angina.”
Jimmy only finds himself shrugging. “I’m hungry.” He really can’t bring himself to care again, not really. Castiel’s gone and most likely dead and he’s tired of all the things that have been going on everywhere. He just wants it to be over, like a bad dream. He just wants to return to his family again, a family he so foolishly left behind in a moment of impulse and said yes to the angel of Thursday.
Sam questions him, seeking answers as to what had happened, and Jimmy can only honestly reply that he doesn’t know-everything was still fuzzy for him, bright lights and surges of emotions that weren’t his.
“You remember anything about being possessed?” the younger Winchester asks, “Anything at all?”
The answer comes out from his mouth before he really thinks about it; almost like an answer he’s been waiting to say once he had the chance. “Bits and pieces,” he replies, waving his hand that wasn’t occupied by the burger. “You know, angel inside of you-it’s like being chained to a comet.” And that is something pretty close to the truth-he doesn’t remember much now, only flashes of memories and various disjointed recollections which make no sense to his mind (and some do, but they all involve Dean and Hell and nightmares and Jimmy isn’t sure how he’s supposed to say that to the elder Winchester); perhaps a side-effect or something from being possessed for so long, but Jimmy isn’t going to go around and ask. Castiel’s gone already; he has no more obligations to all of this crap that’s happening. All he wants to do is to go home; which apparently, he can’t even go to now and that just frustrates the crap out of him.
It’s 4.34AM now, and Jimmy hasn’t found himself able to sleep so much as a wink-mostly he’s just drifting in and out, memories slowly coming together here and there. Nothing that would help the Winchesters; but things that he did miss, just a little. Castiel had been an angel, not a good one at first-annoying and irritating and frustrating, really-but they had talked a lot, and Castiel had told him things that the angel never told anybody else, would never bring himself to tell Dean. Castiel had been a friend when he needed one, and now that friend was gone, taken away by Heaven and its fucked up standards and Jimmy’s just so sick of all of it.
So when Sam Winchester leaves the room and Jimmy hears the door click behind after that, he takes his chances and flees back to Illinois. His return home isn’t exactly the stuff of legends, but it doesn’t matter now.
He’s home again, and that’s the most important thing. He doesn’t need his beliefs and devotion because he knows that Heaven isn’t the place he imagined it to be at all. This is where he needs to be, and he’s just happy that he’s finally back here, with his family.
This is all he needs.
Wrong, wrong-this is all wrong. Amelia’s been possessed by a demon and Claire’s a hostage-this is all wrong, and a part of Jimmy knows that he only has himself to blame for it but he can’t help but snarl into the heavens at the angel who was supposed to be his friend, the angel who promised to keep his family safe but here they are now all in danger.
“Castiel, you son of a bitch!” And yes, he gives no fucks about being a nice guy now because he is done with being a nice guy when it got him nothing but this entire fucked up mess he’s in. “You promised me that my family would be okay! You promised that you were gonna take care of them!”
He’s tired and he’s angry and he’s just so sick of all of this, this situation he never asked for and never expected but got dragged into it anyway because of one fucking ‘yes’. Just one word and he’s lost a year of his life being dragged around like a puppet on strings, all for some greater purpose and bigger pictures and Jimmy is just so, so sick of it all. He’s out and he’s done and he doesn’t ever want to be back in on this shithole.
“I gave you everything you asked me to give!” he continues, not caring if this gets him a strike of lightning or some other bullshit. Heaven is fucked up as it is anyway and Jimmy’s seen enough of it to be done with it. “I gave you more! This is the thanks I get? This is what you do? Your Heaven? Help me, please! You promised, Cas Just help me!”
He had promised and he was supposed to keep his fucking promises, and now he was gone and demons had his family and Castiel had promised so Heaven had fucking better go through with it.
But no, all he gets is silence and nothing else and Jimmy knows that’s all he’s going to get. They probably don’t even care anyway.
“Typical,” he mutters in a dark undertone, and promptly steels himself after that as he enters the warehouse.
Even though he hears Claire’s voice Jimmy knows what he’s hearing is actually Castiel, and it’s that thought that has him gritting his teeth and struggling to stay alive even as the angel tells him to rest and return to his real home.
But Heaven is not his real home, and it will never be-his real home is here, with his family; his family who he had so foolishly put into danger because he hadn’t listened to the Winchesters despite their warnings. The scars were already there, and they would never be healed-and after all of this, the last thing he wants is for his daughter to suffer the same thing that he had.
That’s the reason why he ignores all of Castiel’s soothing words, the reason why he looks through his daughter and into the angel who inhabits her body and pleads. “Please, Castiel. Just take me. Take me, please.”
Castiel warns him, tells him of the future that awaits him if he consents again, but all Jimmy can think is Claire and he reaches out to grab the angel by his daughter’s arm and hisses out through blood and gritted teeth. “You take me. Just take me.”
Their eyes lock gazes in that moment and Jimmy tries to show Castiel how much he pleads and how much he needs this, this one thing he’s asked for after everything he’s given to the angel. He sees a spark of understanding in his daughter’s eyes, and Claire bows her head in a way that could only be Castiel as her voice speaks out the angel’s consent. “As you wish.”
Claire reaches out for him and cups his cheek in a quiet, tender gesture, and that’s the last thing Jimmy remembers before Grace surges through him once more, fire and ice threading through his veins. Everything comes back rushing into him, along with more things-things that only flash past and then vanish, memories that Castiel keeps hidden as Jimmy feels the marble-cold silence of the angel in his mind once more.
He’s still recovering as Castiel starts to leave, but even he can’t ignore the cold edge of the angel’s voice as he tells Dean how he only serves Heaven and not men and certainly not him.
Castiel is… different.
It doesn’t take long for Jimmy to realize that. They don’t talk anymore like they used to, don’t communicate. Castiel’s just using him for the most basic of purposes-as the meatsuit he’s supposed to be.
The change unsettles Jimmy a hell lot, and it only takes a while for him to know that something happened to him while the angel was back in Heaven. Something big, something powerful-otherwise Castiel wouldn’t be like this, wouldn’t be forcing himself to do every command the Host gives to him because Jimmy can feel it. He can feel the emotions Castiel’s trying to suppress, the surges of regret and pain and uncertainty that comes when he talks Dean into pledging himself to the angels, when he releases Sam from the panic room and when he has Anna captured and taken to Heaven even though Jimmy senses how much it breaks the angel to do it.
Cas, talk to me, he finally tries to prompt, trying to speak to the angel as Castiel leans over the rails and silently watches the city across the waters. Just what happened to you back in Heaven? You know it’s wrong, but yet-
Silence, the angel all but snarls back, and Jimmy feels his fingers and curling harder around the bars, knuckles turning white from the force as Castiel tries to restrain himself. It is not your place to speak.
Jimmy keeps quiet after that, uncomfortably silent as he stays in his corner of his mind, watching Castiel as the angel struggles with his repressed emotions and feelings and uncertainty. Watches as his friend becomes the cold-hearted solider he’s supposed to be, and not the angel who loved everything on Earth and had once asked Jimmy so many questions about humanity and their customs in a bid to learned more.
And just a little more, Jimmy finds himself hating Heaven even more for what they did to his friend.
The plan has been revealed, and the Apocalypse is coming.
Jimmy doesn’t like it and he knows that Castiel doesn’t either, but the angel isn’t saying anything as Zachariah patronises Dean and Dean seems want to do nothing else but punch somebody in their face.
Which Dean does later, to Castiel himself.
Jimmy can’t help but wince in sympathy at the result of that attempt.
But if anything Dean is resilient to pain, and he keeps it compressed as he turns back to growl at Castiel. “It’s Armageddon, Cas; you need a better word then ‘sorry’.”
“Try to understand,” Castiel attempts to explain, even as his emotions surge from their suppression and Jimmy’s now doing the mental equivalent of biting his lip. “This is long foretold; this is your-”
“Destiny?” Dean all but snaps back, and the flinch that Castiel does in response is something that only Jimmy can catch. The angel’s lost again, caught between duty and the need he has to help Dean. Castiel knows this is wrong-everything about this is wrong, but Castiel forces himself to go on anyway because he’s a soldier of God and Heaven he has to obey orders no matter what. He already suffered the consequences of disobedience once, and he can’t do so again. Castiel doesn’t want to Fall like Anael did, and Jimmy can sense that.
But Dean is being insistent, and every word he says stings Castiel right where it hurts most.
“It’s all a bunch of lies, you stupid, poor son of a bitch!” he snarls while jabbing a finger at the angel. “It’s just a way for your bosses to keep me and to keep you in line!”
He’s right, you know, Jimmy can’t help but quip, even as he feels the emotions from Castiel bubbling even more now. The angel moves, wanting to speak, but Dean cuts him off before Castiel can say anything and continues to snarl in his face.
“You know what’s real?” he starts, glaring now, and Jimmy can see the determination set in his eyes-the fire that burned within the Righteous Man, the strength and beauty of that soul that Castiel saw down in Hell and now Jimmy could see too. “People, families-that’s real. And you’re gonna watch them all burn?”
“What is so worth saving?” Castiel can’t help it now, and his own voice rises higher as he steps forward and asks, demanding answers to questions that he had been harbouring for so long, from when he first saw Dean Winchester and the things he did and the sacrifices he had made. “I see nothing but pain here; I see inside you-I see your guilt, your anger, confusion. In paradise, all is forgiven. You’ll be at peace. Even with Sam.”
And it was there, right there and then, did Jimmy realize just what it was Castiel wanted-he wanted Dean to be happy, to be at peace and be safe. This was the angel who had seen Dean with all his flaws and wounds and his terrible beauty down in Hell; this was the angel who still loved him even after that, and this was the angel who pulled him out from perdition and desired nothing more for Dean to be truly out of it. Castiel wanted Dean to suffer no more, even if the rest of the world had to burn for it. For even the world was not as important to Castiel as Dean himself, and before everything else came this human who the angel loved so much it hurt.
The realization sinks slowly into Jimmy, as he tries to reach out for the angel and wants to say something, but Dean’s talking again and telling Castiel to shove his peace up his lily-white ass for he would take the guilt and the pain and Sam and he would rather be here then some goddamned stepford bitch in paradise.
That response only confuses Castiel even more, who tries to understand just why Dean is so hard-headed and so against all of this, attempting to straighten his mind as he wants to leave but can’t help but hear the human snapping behind him. “This is simple, Cas! No more crap about being a good soldier-there is a right and there is a wrong here, and you know it.”
And he knows it, and Jimmy knows that Castiel knows it, but that doesn’t stop the angel from attempting to leave, wanting to flee and hide himself but can’t because Dean’s spun him around (“Look at me!”) and the angel can only stare at the human’s steadfast green eyes, the certainty of the gaze that glares back at him while Dean hisses a plea to the angel.
And that’s it-that’s all that Dean needs to say, because Jimmy can feel Castiel’s resolve breaking when he takes an unnecessary breath and asks the question. “What would you have me do?”
But Dean asks too much and Castiel’s still afraid to go against Heaven-he doesn’t want to Fall, he can’t-and the human gives up on him, and the words he say sting the angel more than anything else that he’s said in the last few minutes.
“What do you care about dying? We’re already done.”
“Dean-” the angel starts, wanting to explain, to say please wait-
“We’re done.”
That tone brooks no more argument, and Castiel can only resign himself to that as he takes them away from the room.
You gotta do this, Cas, Jimmy tries to urge the angel.
Castiel shakes his head, and Jimmy feels the uncertainty surging from him. I can’t-I can’t disobey.
Then you’d rather let Dean suffer? He knows he’s being low at striking the angel’s weak point, but there’s no more time, no more chances. They had to do it now before it’s too late and the world’s paying the price for their actions. Jimmy doesn’t want to see Amelia and Claire dying from this stupid fight, and he knows that Castiel doesn’t want it either-doesn’t want Dean to suffer any more.
He will be at peace when it is over, Castiel counters, but even the angel knows that he’s fooling nobody.
We both know how fucked up Heaven is already, Jimmy hisses now, voice edging on desperation. It’s not going to end nicely for anybody, Cas. Nobody’s going to be happy about this.
But-
If there’s anything worth dying for, Cas, Jimmy cuts in, quoting what the hunter had told Castiel himself earlier. This is it.
Castiel falls silent after that, clenching his jaw, trying to reason with himself-but Jimmy’s in his head, and he can see the angel thinking and sense where his decision lie towards. He nudges it a little more, and a minute after that finds Castiel in the room with Dean and Zachariah banished away from the Enochian sigil.
“He won’t be gone long,” the angel breathed out as he lowered his hand from the sigil and quickly washed away all the blood, healing up the wound. “We have to find Sam now.”
Dean watches the angel warily, but the question comes anyway. “Where is he?”
“I don’t know,” Castiel admits as he passes a knife to the hunter. “But I know who does.” He looks up at Dean after that, blood racing as he tries to keep himself together. “We have to stop him, Dean. From killing Lilith.”
“But Lilith’s gonna break the final seal-”
“-Lilith is the final seal,” Castiel reveals, and Dean’s eyes widen in shock at the revelation. “She dies, the end begins.”
They get to Chuck Shurley’s moments later, and as frightened and as jumpy as the prophet he helps Dean anyway and tells him where Sam is going to be.
“Y-You guys aren’t supposed to be here,” he breathes out, still not quite sure what is going on.
To Jimmy’s surprise, Castiel replies with something he hadn’t expected the angel to say. “Yeah, well… we’re making it up as we go along.”
The archangel-Raphael-comes soon after that, and Castiel only has enough time to send Dean to the covenant and tell Chuck to hide himself, and they watch the prophet fleeing out of the room before turning back to see Raphael descending onto them in the flurry of a thousand thundering beats like the sound of an eternal thunderstorm.
Raphael’s angry and Castiel knows that he’s going to die, and he bows his head down to accept his fate. I apologize for this, Jimmy.
Despite everything, Jimmy can’t help but grin a little. Yeah, well-it was fun while it lasted.
Grace burns through his body inside out and nothing but piercing light fills his vision, there is pain unlike anything he’s ever felt and then Jimmy knows no more but cold and darkness.
He doesn’t know how long time has passed after that, but when he’s conscious again its quiet and its nice and he can feel the sun shining down on him from above, and Jimmy feels a hand threading in his hair while warmth presses against his cheek. He’s lying on somebody’s lap, and its’ just… nice. Comforting. Peaceful. Everything he’s ever wanted.
“Jimmy,” he hears the voice calling, and he opens his eyes at the call.
It should be weird, staring at a double of yourself who really isn’t your double, but somehow Jimmy can’t find himself too concerned about that.
“Castiel,” he eventually rasps out, voice hoarse from disuse.
The corner of the angel’s lips twitch upwards at his name, fingers pressing warmly into his scalp as he speaks softer. “I have to return.”
It doesn’t take long to figure out what Castiel means. Jimmy blinks once, smiling back before he asks. “Dean?”
“Yes.” A small nod, almost unnoticeable. “I have to help him.”
Jimmy nods, understanding as he pushes himself up to sit on the grass he’s been laying on, facing Castiel. The sun is warm and drowsy, and there’s a quiet breeze only signalled by the kite flapping in the air. Somehow without knowing he knows that this is Heaven-or at least Castiel’s version of it. It’s everything the angel ever wanted, and the tranquillity is nothing but perfect.
Castiel lowers his head once Jimmy is sitting up, bowing as if he seeks permission. “I will be returning to Earth, but I need your body again for it. I hope you will allow me to use you as your vessel once more.”
The man blinks. “I’ll be there again, won’t I?”
To his surprise the angel shakes his head. “You have suffered enough, Jimmy. I’ve been given a new vessel-a duplicate of you, so you can rest properly. You have… done much for me.”
Jimmy wants to argue a bit, saying how helpless Castiel would be without him, how he’d be alone now since he disobeyed and rebelled Heaven, but then he remembers just who the angel had done it for and pauses. No, he’d only be in the way if he returned to. Castiel has his faith and his conviction, and Jimmy wasn’t going to stop the angel from doing what he had to do.
“Well…” he starts, rubbing the back of his head. “It’s not exactly me, is it? So, you know… there’s really no need to ask. Go do what you need to do, Cas.”
Castiel blinks at that, confused momentarily, but soon does that small little smile of his and nods. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” Jimmy pauses, shifts a little as he watches the angel getting up from the grass and blurts out before he stops himself. “And, Cas?”
The angel pauses in his steps, turning back around with that familiar tilt of his head. “Yes?”
Jimmy looks up to the other and grins a bit. “Don’t give up on Dean.”
Castiel only smiles. “You must rest now, Jimmy.”
The man nods and closes his eyes, and the last thing he hears is the quiet beat of Castiel’s wings before the world dissolves around him and Jimmy Novak was no more.