[SPN/SA] I was neither living nor dead
Title: I was neither living nor dead
Fandom: Supernatural AU - Novakcest verse (or alternatively, the SPN Jimmy/Jacob AU)
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairing: Jimmy Novak, implied Novakcest
Warning: Angst angst angst
Notes: More Novakcest! Title of fic comes from 31_days, with the prompt for 11th November 2010.
I was neither living nor dead
drabble, 667 words
They never stop taunting him.
Every time Jimmy goes on another hunt, tracks down another demon to try and make deals or demand answers and knowledge and information from (something, anything, whatever he can use to get Jacob back) all they do is to laugh at him-laugh at him as they tease and taunt about what they can hear from Hell below their feet.
Can you hear it? They always ask him when he first faces them, twisted smiles and laughter bursting from the faces of the humans that they posses. Can you hear how your brother screams for you, Jimmy? We can hear it. Even now, he’s begging for you.
Jimmy wants to tell himself that they lie, that demons lie and Jacob has always been the stronger one between them, the one who forges ahead in spite of everything and pushes on even as he drenches himself in blood and shadow and dust and dirt. Even when the deal hung over their heads and when Jacob knew he was going to die he still went on with his life one way or another, never letting the future stop him.
(“If I’m going to die, I might as well drag as many of them down with me as I can until my time’s up, right Jim?”)
He tries not to think about it, not to think about the life he has to live ahead without Jacob at all but when he finds himself kneeling on the ground with his brother’s dead body on his lap and blood in his hands the only thing that Jimmy can think is not again. Not again, as he tries to put Jacob back together the best he can even when his arms are drenched in blood thrice over and Bobby tries to push Jimmy away from his grief. Not again, as he manages to put together a coffin for his brother and bury him six feet under.
Not again, as memories of Amelia and Claire flash in his mind’s eye. He’s already lost his wife and daughter to Azazel and his plans, and already lost Jacob once to the cruelties of Gabriel and his lessons. And now here he’s lost his brother again because he gave himself up for him, for Jimmy’s own selfish choices and mistakes and this feels a million, billion times worse than when he watched Amelia and Claire go up in flames, when he had to beg Gabriel to change everything back and stop with the hundred Tuesdays.
Everything-he’s lost everything (his family, his life, his future, his other half) and so much more, and Jimmy knows he’s nothing but the burnt out shell of the person he used to be. But that’s more than enough for him; as long as he can still stand and still fight, that is more than enough for him. He stares down at the crossroads demon standing before him, lips twisting into a snarl at the grin that the other is giving to him.
“We’ve got your brother right where we want him, Jimmy,” it sneers, “Everything is going exactly the way we planned it. Go ahead if you want to kill me; I’ve made peace with my lord.”
Jimmy only takes a second to clench his jaw before he brings the Colt up and shoots the demon right in the heart, barely feeling the rush of adrenaline as he watches the demon falling down to the ground, dead.
There’s nothing left for him in this world now, nothing else except revenge and the desire to take down as many demons as he can bring with him down to Hell. He doesn’t care what the demons plan now; it doesn’t matter to him anymore, not when his brother is gone. If Jacob isn’t going to come back, then Jimmy’s just going to bring himself down to Hell instead-and he’ll take down as many demons as he can until that day comes.
Every one of them will pay.
Fandom: Supernatural AU - Novakcest verse (or alternatively, the SPN Jimmy/Jacob AU)
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairing: Jimmy Novak, implied Novakcest
Warning: Angst angst angst
Notes: More Novakcest! Title of fic comes from 31_days, with the prompt for 11th November 2010.
I was neither living nor dead
drabble, 667 words
They never stop taunting him.
Every time Jimmy goes on another hunt, tracks down another demon to try and make deals or demand answers and knowledge and information from (something, anything, whatever he can use to get Jacob back) all they do is to laugh at him-laugh at him as they tease and taunt about what they can hear from Hell below their feet.
Can you hear it? They always ask him when he first faces them, twisted smiles and laughter bursting from the faces of the humans that they posses. Can you hear how your brother screams for you, Jimmy? We can hear it. Even now, he’s begging for you.
Jimmy wants to tell himself that they lie, that demons lie and Jacob has always been the stronger one between them, the one who forges ahead in spite of everything and pushes on even as he drenches himself in blood and shadow and dust and dirt. Even when the deal hung over their heads and when Jacob knew he was going to die he still went on with his life one way or another, never letting the future stop him.
(“If I’m going to die, I might as well drag as many of them down with me as I can until my time’s up, right Jim?”)
He tries not to think about it, not to think about the life he has to live ahead without Jacob at all but when he finds himself kneeling on the ground with his brother’s dead body on his lap and blood in his hands the only thing that Jimmy can think is not again. Not again, as he tries to put Jacob back together the best he can even when his arms are drenched in blood thrice over and Bobby tries to push Jimmy away from his grief. Not again, as he manages to put together a coffin for his brother and bury him six feet under.
Not again, as memories of Amelia and Claire flash in his mind’s eye. He’s already lost his wife and daughter to Azazel and his plans, and already lost Jacob once to the cruelties of Gabriel and his lessons. And now here he’s lost his brother again because he gave himself up for him, for Jimmy’s own selfish choices and mistakes and this feels a million, billion times worse than when he watched Amelia and Claire go up in flames, when he had to beg Gabriel to change everything back and stop with the hundred Tuesdays.
Everything-he’s lost everything (his family, his life, his future, his other half) and so much more, and Jimmy knows he’s nothing but the burnt out shell of the person he used to be. But that’s more than enough for him; as long as he can still stand and still fight, that is more than enough for him. He stares down at the crossroads demon standing before him, lips twisting into a snarl at the grin that the other is giving to him.
“We’ve got your brother right where we want him, Jimmy,” it sneers, “Everything is going exactly the way we planned it. Go ahead if you want to kill me; I’ve made peace with my lord.”
Jimmy only takes a second to clench his jaw before he brings the Colt up and shoots the demon right in the heart, barely feeling the rush of adrenaline as he watches the demon falling down to the ground, dead.
There’s nothing left for him in this world now, nothing else except revenge and the desire to take down as many demons as he can bring with him down to Hell. He doesn’t care what the demons plan now; it doesn’t matter to him anymore, not when his brother is gone. If Jacob isn’t going to come back, then Jimmy’s just going to bring himself down to Hell instead-and he’ll take down as many demons as he can until that day comes.
Every one of them will pay.