Shadow Play
Shadow Play
It’s late when Agon slips into his brother’s room, crawls into his bed. Unsui is turned away on his side to face the wall, but his eyes are open when his brother leans in behind him to breathe next to his ear.
“Let’s play, Unko-chan.”
You be me and I’ll be you.
It’s a game they’ve played since they were children. Agon always had too much energy, and on the nights he didn’t feel like sleeping he would climb into his older brother’s bed for a story, for a game, for charades.
The rules and the requirements changed as they got older, but the game still gets played on nights when Agon is bored and in need of distraction.
You be me and I’ll be you.
The hands that slide up his shoulders are deliberately gentle, painfully supplicant in the way they touch, just like the voice that keeps whispering in his ear, jeering.
“Brother. Brother you’re so strong. Brother let me help you, I am so weak, but I’ll help you any way I can, won’t you let me, won’t you let me?” Unsui closes his eyes against it. He wants to be asleep. He wants to be somewhere else far away from here. He wants to be someone else or for Agon to be someone else, someone who is less mocking, who isn’t so cruel, who is far too old for games. Especially games like this one.
But you have to play the game. Those are the rules.
“Everything is for your sake.” Agon places a soft, open-mouthed kiss on the side of Unsui’s throat, a mockery of devotion. “I live for you.”
Unsui closes his eyes for a moment.
“I know.”
He can feel the breath hitch in his brother’s throat when he grabs him there, slams him into the mattress as hard as he can, knocking his head into the wall. He buries the fingers of one hand in Agon’s hair, close to the scalp, jerks his head viciously to the side, backhands him across the face with the other. His goggles are knocked askew with the force of the blow, and Unsui grips them until he can hear the plastic crack before ripping them off and tossing them aside. There is blood on Agon’s face now; it trickles from his nose past his lips to stain the grin that’s still hovering below. It stays there, floating in the semi-dark of the bedroom, even when Unsui climbs on top of him, wraps his fingers around his throat, and starts to squeeze.
Without the tinted lenses of the goggles covering his eyes, Agon should look more familiar to Unsui, like someone closer and more beloved. Instead, the sick excitement shining up from his face is even clearer, eager and unsettling on features so like his own, and Unsui wishes he’d just left them on. He doesn’t want this. He wants to stop.
He can feel Agon bucking up against him eagerly, can feel that he’s hard, and now there’s a hand moving between his legs, sliding up to curl fingers into the loose sweatpants that Unsui wore to bed. Unsui’s stomach rolls and he wants to jerk away, wants to drag Agon off the bed and throw him out into the hall. He wants to cry or scream or throw something, shake his brother by the shoulders and ask, "What’s wrong with you?"
But he plays by the rules. Unsui always plays by the rules. It’s what his brother's always liked best about him.
He wants to stop. The places where his fingers are digging into Agon’s flesh are going to be dark with bruises tomorrow, and Unsui will have to look at them since Agon won’t bother to cover them up.
This girl, he’ll say with a smile, if anyone asks. This real kinky hellcat, you know?
Agon’s fingers are loosening around the unwanted, involuntary erection between Unsui’s legs; his eyelids are fluttering as he struggles for air. Unsui wants to stop. He wants to stop so badly, he wants to check Agon’s pulse, to stop the blood still running from his nose, to find his stupid goggles and put them back on his face so he won’t have to look at him anymore. He wants to show his brother mercy, he wants to stop, he wants to stop.
But Kongou Agon would not show mercy. Kongou Agon wouldn't stop.
So neither does Kongou Unsui.
You be me and I’ll be you.
He finally lets go when he feels Agon jerk underneath him as he comes. He gasps, sucking in air desperately as he rolls to the side, choking and clutching reflexively at his throat. Unsui turns away as he begins to cough and moan.
___
In his mind he can see Agon kneeling on his bed, back when they were small. His arms are raised over his head with the little fingers curved into claws as he crouches forward, eyes bright with excitement as he grins at Unsui.
“Let’s be dragons again, Unsui! This time I’ll be the green dragon and you be the red one. You be me and I’ll be you!”
___
Unsui stares down at his hands. They wouldn’t look any different to him than normal, except that now there’s a little spot of Agon’s blood there, smeared against the ball of his thumb.
“You be me and I’ll be you.” He says it aloud. Agon chokes into his ear.
“Yeah.” His voice sounds a thousand times more satisfied than it should, thick and bruised and painful as his arms come up to loop around Unsui’s shoulders. He rests his head against the side of his twin brother’s face.
You be me...
Unsui stares down at his hand and the stain from his brother’s blood. He wishes he’d stopped. He still wants to.
“I can’t be you.” He turns his face away as Agon reaches for his bloody hand, brings it to his lips and kisses it. Unsui flinches at the lazy pleasure in his voice.
“I know.”
++++++++++++++
Optional Notes: (highlight if you're bored)
Well, I wasn't going to do this, but I decided I'd put it here just for explanation purposes. The whole concept for this fic came to me when I was lying around in bed trying to work on this whole other story. I am not really a fan of this pairing or of Agon, so I was pretty surprised at how easily it wrote itself, especially since I couldn't get the damn thing I wanted to work on to go anywhere at all(but ain't that always the way?).
I sat around forever trying to figure out where the hell this came from, and I finally decided it's mostly Agon's fault. I'm afraid Agon is just not my cup of tea(NO offense intended, Agon fans). I'm not even sure why exactly; he's certainly a jerk and all, but I've liked characters in other fandoms that made him look like a freaking angel.
I tried to rationalize it by saying things like "Well, look what he did to Kurita, you love Kurita!" or "He treats women like crap!" But I'd probably marry Gaou, who fucking brutalized poor Kid, whom I also love. And although I can't bring any specific examples to mind, I am sure with my long history of fondness for bastards and weirdos, there is someone I have loved that was a jerk to women. So what is it? I don't know. I just can't get myself to like him, and so it bothers me a bit that a part of my brain still likes to acknowledge him as being physically attractive. Because he is a bastard, but he's kind of a hot bastard, and finding him both hot and undesirable at the same time forces me to think about him more than I ordinarily would if only because it drives me a little crazy >__>
I do like Unsui. He frustrated me at first with his strange tolerance of Agon's bad behavior, but when I found out why he acts that way I wanted to give him a hug and tell him how sorry I was that life just sucks like that. I'm a competitive person with a younger brother myself, and I have to admit I would've absolutely hated it if my entire life had been about being constantly outstripped in everything by my younger sibling.
Their relationship as siblings is kind of hard to interpret. I think I could almost like Agon if he ever showed even an iota of concrete emotion towards his brother, but he never does. So it's hard to tell how they feel about each other. Sibling relationships are funny things, anyway. When you grow up with another person like that you never know exactly what you'll get. You could be closer to them than anyone in the world, you could just be so used to them you take them entirely for granted and couldn't care less, or any of the million places in between.
Canonically speaking, I think it's hard to tell exactly where they stand without further development. But if I try to think about them having any sort of sexual contact, I think it would have to be a bad situation, something that could only happen within the bounds of an abusive relationship. Not a sexy, mutual, "fun" kind of abuse, but the kind where it's all about one person blatantly taking advantage of another. Which is why this turned out so dark. Um. I felt...pretty bad for Unsui after I wrote this. I got interested in the concept though, the concept of there being this game, something that started out so genuinely innocent and wound up becoming this twisted form of roleplay that would serve as another way for Agon to exert the power he had over Unsui.
Unsui strikes me as the kind of person that would love his brother. It might be the kind of dutiful love you feel towards a sibling because, hell, they're your sibling, but I do think it would be there. Certainly as a child; I think he'd have to have been close to Agon at some point, if only because they freaking lived together and were obviously so close in age. I think it would be a terrible feeling to start out life close to a person and then grow up and have them leave you totally behind without ever even knowing if they cared or missed you. I think it probably hurts Unsui a lot to know that Agon thinks of him only in trivial terms - I think it would have to. So I wanted that to be in there as well.
In summary, I think this entire fic was just my brain trying reconcile all this crap at once. And for some reason I...felt like I needed to explain that. Ehm. Okay, going away now, hope I didn't offend you or bore you to death! XD;;