Trying to live in a new state (of being, that is)

[inner_geek_girl]

The word reciprocity has been circling in my head for days now

Comments

[stellaspike]

"The therapist I've been talking to mentioned it in regards to my relationships with other humans. I've been recognizing a distinct lack of reciprocity in my life. However, half of this un-reciprocity is due to my own inability to lean on people, to open up, or to share."
This has been a major theme in your life the entire time I have known you:
You want people to be there for you, but then refuse to clue them in, because of the icky being vulnerable part inherent in it.
I totally know how that is. I am still pretty bad about it, when I feel like I am reaching out people generally miss it because i have NO CLUE how to really show it.
I keep trying though.
I think in your case at least there are people waiting to be there for you ever wanted them to be.

[inner_geek_girl]

I'm not good at vulnerable. I've tried it in the past and sometimes it works, but a lot of times I just end up really hurt.

I'll keep trying too.

Thanks for listening :)

[stellaspike]

it's not picking bad people to want to be vulnerable with.Remember when I had all those hanger ons, who were essentially using me? I was totally invested in these people.I was there for them, but there was no reciprocation.Part of that problem, was me not being clear about what i needed, or seeming to need nothing and noone.The other half was being way to damn inclusive, and not paying attention to the people who could in fact be counted on.

[inner_geek_girl]

I hear you.

It's also me pulling my head of out of my ass and recognizing the events and people that/who ARE reciprocal (or equitable). I also have to remember that relationships can’t be equitable all the time. There will be times when it IS about one person over the other. But as long as there is equity in the long-term I should just chill out.

It’s very weird the way I am seeing my life since bouncing ideas off the therapist. It’s very narrow in that room, but when I get outside I can see in expanded view.

[silverstorm2013]

Don't feel bad, Everyone is always learning new social skills. Life is a process of improvement, Progress not perfection.

If you need me, just call out my name.

[inner_geek_girl]

Thanks. I don't feel bad, just a little lost right now.

[savorie]

Reciprocity is a little dangerous, because not everyone reciprocates in the exact same way, and some people do measure reciprocity with an exactness that doesn't always apply.

That's why, in relationships, I aim for things to be equitable, not necessarily equal.

[inner_geek_girl]

I like this "equitable, not necessarily equal." I will explore it further. Thanks for listening.