I can't believe how superficial I am on Facebook...

[inner_geek_girl]

I haven't posted on LJ is what seems like years, but here I am... It's been suggested to me that I need to write some things down, so I can purge them from my brain and mull them over

Comments

[2barefeet]

While I'm not saying your situation is going to choose the path mine did, I completely understand what you are saying. I felt that way about Jeff, my husband. For the longest time I wasn't even sure I loved him. I was happy being single and doing what I wanted to do. I didn't want him out of my life, but I didn't really know how he fit into it. I guess it helped that we were two and half hours away from each other. Then, there were moments that I thought that I didn't love him, that it was always the "alcohol" that made me passionate about him, since we always drank when we were together. Then, something happened and well, it pretty much sealed the deal. We took a two week road trip together, just he and I and spent more time together sober than we ever had. We also did a lot of adventurous things like camping in grizzly bear country, etc

[inner_geek_girl]

That's the rub though, I don't even know if I want to be in relationship. I am so exhausted from the emo-coaster that was my ex (which I was dealing with the past 4-5 years all the way up to today when I put him on a plane to go home to his sister's house). Maybe being single for a little while might help.

[djinneth]

I'm not sure my vote counts.. but I am wholeheartedly in favor of ditching the emo coaster in favor of your self. The thing is, it doesn't matter how much someone loves YOU, or is good TO you, it matters how much you feel for them. Indifferent tolerance should be saved for 15 years down the line when there's a shit-ton of water under the bridge and you're having to hold on through a rough patch. Not now, not when you have so much in front of you. He probably doesn't deserve it, and you *certainly* don't.

You know that I know all too well the 'I know I made a mistake in getting back together with him' mindset. Don't let it go on for 8 years, if what you truly in your soul want is out. Easier said than done, I know. It feels like there's so much at stake. But you are capable and strong, and you have a wonderful set of people who love you.

(Besides, you can totally do better.)

[inner_geek_girl]

Thanks for the reply! :)

Part of the problem is we want different things. He wants to marry me, settle down etc. and I realize that is just not who I am. And when I've tried to be that person, everyone suffers. I suggested an open relationship, but he is adamantly against it. I hate hurting him, because I know how much he loves me. And I love him too, just not in the same way. I want him in my life, but I don't want him to be my life.

I talked to a male friend and he actually said, "Damn, I'm glad I'm not the one in love with you." :(