I need to ramble.
I would give almost anything to switch lives with you (you being whoever). If only you knew that. Why do you assume that I get along with my family with no problems? If only you knew. If only you cared to take the time to know me and actually cared, instead of pretending. I don't know why I refuse to take my effexor. Do you know who I am? I don't. You don't understand, and I wish you did. I want someone to talk to with, to discuss things with. Remember when I was there for you many times? I'm going to go take a painkiller and go to bed. Maybe I should find my sleeping pills tomorrow(today) since it's 4:12am and I am wide awake. My mother tells me I have insomnia which all doctors say is a sign of depression. No duh. I know that. I've had it for years...I've been openly MOCKED about it in grade ten or eleven. Mom wants me to go to the doctor since we think my migraines might be caused by an open valve in my heart or something. We heard about it on a medical thing a few weeks ago. We'll ask him about it, since everytime I've had tests done, they couldn't find anything...but I doubt migraines are caused by my brain. My heart hurts, it always hurts. Not angst hurt, but physical hurt.
Lost my train of thought. I really love this song. Got punched a few days ago. GOt my car back today! Mom paid for the repairs (again) and it was $600 this time. I'm really not tired, but I have to go to bed so I can do my cleaning tomorrow. I wish I could sleep all day. I don't want to go to work, but I have to. I hate me, really I do. At least then I was slender. Now I just feel fat. I don't even remember what I've written so far. Sorry. But this is my 'breakdown' and at least this way I can pretend I'm talking to someone and that someone is listening.