[drama] the game
Title: The Game
Chapter 40: Be Mine
Rate: PG13
Features: Kang In, Heechul, Hankyung, Siwon, Kibum, SuJu
Genre: Drama
Beta: fifteen_half
[Shiwon’s POV]
Oh, shit.
I closed my eyes tightly and readied my ears as I waited for the loud crash on the floor. The sound scared the hell out of Heebum, making him almost leap from his own bowl of milk before he ran away. I stared at the sets of spoon scattered around my feet. It was like a sign for me to abandon the idea I had in my mind right away. But looking back at the lunchbox, I knew that I had no choice. My creation was too plain. No one will fall for this kind of effort.
So I opened one of the cabinets, looked for something to make it more appealing when I, once again, accidentally slammed one of the cabinet doors. I swear the loud thumping could easily awaken the residents of the dorm. It was just too quiet in here compared to the other dorm, where Yehsung’s snoring and Leeteuk’s sleep-talking could be heard through the entire dorm. Here, it was so... peaceful.
After I assured myself that I didn’t wake anyone up, I rushed to the refrigerator, hoping to find anything bright-coloured and edible. God was on my side. I found a carrot on one of the compartments. Without wasting any time, I took a knife and a chopping board and began to craft the vegetable into shapes of the alphabet.
‘Shiwon?’
My heart stopped beating at that very moment. All motions were halted altogether before slowly putting the knife and the carrot down on the counter. I recognized the voice immediately and I slowly turned around, praying that the voice was just my imagination. But he was there. Hankyung was there, standing in the middle of the kitchen, just staring at me.
‘Hyung-’ I said, wincing when I saw the envelope in his hand. ‘-what are you doing here?’
I knew it didn’t make sense at all, for me to ask him that question when I was the one in his kitchen. Hankyung thought it was amusing though, because he shook his head and smiled as he leaned his back against the wall. It wasn’t right to get fascinated at this sort of time, but the way he was standing there with his hair dishevelled - evidence that he had just woken up from sleep - totally made my morning. I was just glad that he wasn’t wearing anything appealing; just a big sized t-shirt and loose pants that kept his frame well-hidden underneath. God knows how hard it is for me to rip my eyes off him at this moment.
‘What are you doing here, Shiwon?’
Even if everyone knew about this - about the whole secret admirer thing - it was still embarrassing to be caught like this, especially by someone that you had wanted to please. I stared at him for a while, wondering if this was a perfect time for me to pretend that I didn’t understand him. But will it be any different now? I’ve been caught. And it was embarrassing.
‘I want to borrow some milk because we ran out of stock.’ I lied. But then I caught his eyes trying to catch a glimpse of the container I was hiding behind my back. And suddenly I got the urge to divert his attention off the thing because seriously, I still have the chance to get myself out of this, don’t I? So I reached for the half cut carrot and wielded them in front of him, hoping that God will forgive me for lying this time.
‘I’m thinking of making carrot muffins. Can you help me, hyung? Do you think this is enough to make--,’
My voice trailed off when I saw him trying to open the envelope. My heart went rushing, imagining the embarrassment if he was to read the card right now. As much as I wanted to see his reaction, it was still not a good idea for him to read it. It would blow the whole thing up.
‘H-hyung, can you p-put that down, please?’ I asked but he just disregarded me; his fingers fiddled with the aperture of the envelope. Leaving me no choice, I ran towards him and snatched the envelope from him. Then, I shoved it in my pocket, not caring if I crumpled it. ‘You’re not supposed to read it.’
‘Why can’t I read it?’ Hankyung asked, innocently. ‘It is for me.’
Upset that my plan was spoiled, I poured it on him. ‘Don’t you know that you’re ruining everything?’
Hankyung’s mouth was gaping, probably taken aback by my question. He then dropped his gaze to the floor, biting his lower lip and I immediately scolded myself for trying to put the blame on him. Screw the plan, it wasn’t as great anyway and it didn’t make much difference from what I’ve been doing this whole time.
‘Hyung, I’m sorry.’ I apologized quickly and Hankyung just nodded but he barely looked at me. ‘Hyung, are you mad at me?’
Hankyung nodded and he was pouting now. The trick was, if Hankyung was really mad, he wouldn’t be pouting like that. And he definitely won’t admit it. I knew he was only playing hard to get, but still, I couldn’t help but panic. At this point, I would do anything to win his heart back. It’s always been like this.
‘Look, I made you pancakes.’ I said, giving up my self-defence and proceed with the affirmation. Like I said, I’ve been caught. And it was embarrassing. There wasn’t much about it that I could do anyway. There was some stillness in the air that made my heart beat fast, anxiousness claiming me as I waited for his reply.
Hankyung looked at me, blinking a couple of times before finally letting out an inaudible oh. He didn’t say anything else, just stood there with his eyes locked on the box I was holding. Honestly, his quietness picked on my nerves a bit, but I knew I can’t give up.
‘I don’t know if you will like it though.’ I said, rubbing a hand on the back of my neck, contemplatively. I was not sure of what to do at this moment. Should I give the pancakes to him? Or should I just place it on the kitchen counter?
Or should I leave?
‘Maybe I should get going,’ I said as I walked towards him until I was standing in front of him. He looked up to me and I saw the confusion in his eyes, but that didn’t mean anything. It wasn’t like he wanted me there, right? And that didn’t change the fact that he still hadn’t said anything about it. So, I placed the container carefully on the table next to him before making my way pass him.
‘Shiwon ah,’ I heard him call in a voice so soft that I almost missed it. ‘- where are you going?’
I couldn’t stop my heart from beating like crazy when I looked over my shoulder to meet his beautiful eyes.
‘Won’t you stay?’ He asked. ‘I... I hate eating alone.’
***
Hankyung went to wash up, while I took that time to transferring the pancakes onto the plate and reorganized the alphabetic carrot on top for it to look more presentable. Then I made two cups of coffee for the both of us, setting up the table before finally taking a seat, waiting for Hankyung to come out of the bathroom. It was an unbearable five minutes; I was sitting up straight, my clammy palms resting on my lap as I listened to my own heart beating. I swallowed hard when I heard the running water stopped.
Hankyung walked in the kitchen, all smiles that managed to calm me down a bit. He gave me an impressed look when he saw the pancakes - and the rubbish decoration lying on top of it. Sitting down beside me, he gestured me to bring the plate to him and I nearly knocked my mug down as I extended my hands clumsily. My face flushed - now he knew I was nervous - but Hankyung calmly patted my nearest arm and he pulled the plate towards him himself.
‘What does it say?’ He said, grinning, pointing at the ornament on the pancakes. ‘I can’t read it.’
‘Eat this and stay healthy. I’m missing the L though.’
‘You know, I never would’ve realized that if you hadn’t pointed it out.’ Hankyung chuckled and I did too, though it was more like to hide my nervousness. The ability to converse doesn’t come naturally to me in this state; I didn’t know what to say, so I just watched him as he picked up the fork, ready to have the first taste of the pancake. He brought his right hand to cover his mouth as he was chewed the food, registering the taste of it.
‘It’s good.’ He finally stated and it made me want to jump off the chair, celebrating his appraisal for me. ‘You really made this?’
I nodded and saw him take another bite. ‘Sungmin taught me, yesterday.’
‘Sungmin told you to put the carrots?’
‘No.’ I laughed, getting to the point. ‘Of course not. You don’t have to eat that. It doesn’t go well with the pancakes.’
‘But I love carrots!’ Hankyung said as he nibbled on the vegetable but then made a face playfully to agree to my point.
Seriously, Hankyung was really a sweet guy. I was truly grateful that he didn’t let me deal with this awkwardness alone. Instead, he attempted a humorous conversation that made me feel less embarrassed - even though I noticed his ears were turning bright red as he constantly caught me staring at him when he tried to finish the pancakes.
‘So it was you.’ Hankyung coughed to clear his throat. Immediately, I stopped fiddling with the hem of my shirt - a way to stop me from staring at him. I looked up to meet his eyes. ‘All the presents were from you.’
‘Did you like all the gifts?’ I asked even though I was sure that he would probably say that he liked them even if he didn’t. He nodded anyway and his non-stop smiling had become so addictive.
‘Shiwon,’ he said, hesitantly. ‘- can I... read the card?’
His question came unexpectedly for me that I almost forgot about which card he was referring to. He gave that pleading look, which I was sure he knew by now could always be used to win against me. Cautiously, I pulled the red envelope out of my pocket, desperately trying to recall what I had written.
‘Please don’t laugh, hyung.’ I begged as Hankyung took the envelope from my hand. He excitedly opened it while I leaned back on my seat, biting my nails. My heart pounded harder as I watched his eyes moving from right to left as he read and how his face reddened, most likely because of the words I had written there.
Finally, Hankyung put the envelope down on the table.
‘Your hand writings were different.’ His said casually, but I could sense the quivering in his voice. But he was still smiling.
‘That’s because I altered it a bit. I wanted to keep it secret, so you wouldn’t be able to know it was from me.’ I took a sip at my almost already cold coffee - hoping to find some comfort in that bitter taste.
‘Will I get any more surprises after this?’
‘As long as you want to pretend that you didn’t know it was from me.’
‘I can do that!’ Hankyung laughed.
‘Deal.’
Hankyung laughed softened when he looked at me again. His expression turned slightly worried.
‘Shiwon ah,’ he said, eyes not leaving mine. ‘- about your question. Can you give me some time to think about it? I mean-’
‘It’s cool hyung. It’s cool with me.’ I said, faking a laugh. I knew he was referring to that little card. ‘It’s not that important anyway-’
‘It is! How can it be not?’
Hankyung was a little angry now but it only made me feel warm inside. He showed that he cared and somehow, it knocked some sense in me. I never felt like I wanted to confess as badly as I wanted to right now.
‘I like you.’ I uttered, half disappointed with how straightforward I made it sound. ‘I like you. I’ve liked you since... since.... I don’t even remember. But I always like to be around you, to make you smile, to hear you laugh. It sounds stupid but really, being with you is all I’ve ever dreamed of.’
I glanced at him once because I couldn’t bring myself to look him in the eyes. He was blushing really hard as he squirmed in his seat, trying to hide his embarrassment.
‘I know how you feel about this, so please know that I do understand if you can’t accept my heart. But that will not stop me from loving you.’ I said and felt a huge burden being lifted up from my chest. Hankyung smiled, understanding written on his face. ‘And yeah, you will still get surprises from time to time, so don’t worry about it.’
Hankyung laughed heartily. He looked fine and I hope he wasn’t faking it. He was still blushing when he told me to get ready for our activities today. We had a fight on who would do the dishes, but I managed to chase him out of the kitchen. I was cleaning the table when I saw the card was still there on the table; so I took it carefully and read it for one last time.
I think I could live like this forever; secretly making you happy. I will wait until the day when I finally have enough courage to step up to you and say, ‘Would you be mine?’